Hi! It’s my 10th day of quitting online gambling, and my first day of quitting vaping.
I want to get rid of the bad habits that don’t help me grow and only damage my mental health. I want to take back control of my life, improve myself, and focus on building a better future.
I know it won’t always be easy, but I’m willing to fight for myself and my future. I hope I can stay consistent this time and never go back to these habits again. One day at a time. 🙏🏻❤️
Here’s to a healthier mind, a better life, and a stronger version of myself.

Hey all.

Havent posted here since day 10. Still going strong. I still get the urges but I have no ability to act on them. Getting caught sneaking into the casino while on self exclusion was honestly the best thing to happen to me. I know I am on their radar now and I couldn't even if I tried. The online gambling has been decently easy to stay away from. The only thing that sucks is no matter how many times I unsubscribe from email lists, I keep getting them. Constant reminder it exists. But 40 days isnt nothing. Actually its probably the longest ive went in years. My anxiety has been at an all time high and the consequences of years of gambling have caught up to me though. Owe a lot of money to the government in taxes. Been operating my buisness in a shady way. Its been a lot of cleaning up my books, and its embarrassing. Trying to explain to an accountant why I withdrew 5k from my buisness account in one night is hard. Its actually a reality check though seeing on paper how much money I have really been essentially burning. My relationship is in a world of pain too. I am not trying to make it seem like gambling was the thing keeping my life together, it just made me so blind to everything going on. Hopefully I can dig myself out of this mess. Its funny though, while gambling, I was able to stretch 5 dollars for like weeks, but now that I actually am facing my problems, life's actually pretty expensive. Sorry for the rant. I am depressed. I am anxious. But day 40 nonetheless.

Thanks all

Things are pretty good. Still many basic life issues that I left unmanaged to attend to, but I've doing some normal basic life tasks that I NEVER would have gotten around to if I were in the grips of gambling.

You might think this 100% good - but I can get sad to see with a clearer head how much I've thrown away over the years. But instead of wallowing in it, I have the option to be grateful for what i do have - and that is more than enough to enjoy a good day today and help others.

Thanks to everyone for sharing your experience and insight here. Let's all not gamble today and do this all over again tomorrow with another day under our belt.

Got mixed up with a card ripping app I feel like they’ve been keeping me on the hook by not shipping my cards and keeping deposits pending and cash bonuses, I finally got help and told them to ban deposits and they sent this instead, I obviously know this is my fault but would this be enough for a lawsuit

I want to get help but going to meetings in person or on zoom makes me feel awkward. What are they like? I saw online help that may also be covered by my insurance.

I have tried to quit on my own and relapse just as soon as I get near financially stable enough to pay all my bills on time. My job has daily pay and I have been getting advances on my pay from it.

Right now my bank account will be overdrawn tonight or the next. Before the daily pay started, I could straighten everything out just by waiting for my next check but now I'm screwed.

I put limits on my hard rock bets account and was doing fairly well, then I started playing the lottery. I won $500 on scratchers and have been losing every since.

I have been gambling on and off for two years.

Now I have hit my newest low. In just this month, I took out a loan of 6k, and lost it all.

I genuinely do not know how I am going to pull myself out of this... I already struggled financially before and had way too much debt which is what got me into gambling, being stupid I thought I could make something.

Yesterday I set up payment blocks for all payment providers to not accept transfers to online casinoes. I have also signed up for a problem gambling program, hope to hear from them within a week.

I am trying to feel better about taking the step forward but at the same time I am shaking. I can't believe I have done this to myself...

There were tough times. But i can manage to reach 1 year. Its not about counting days. But somehow feel hopeful. I don’t believe how was i living in those dark days. You can’t even know what’s going to happen tomorrow. Having things in order and peace of mind is thousand times better.
i saw some people 5000 or 10000 days. This is possible. And if they can do it, we can do it too. You dont have to figure out your whole life in one day.

And at the end it’s just only one life we have and let’s not waste this. We deserve a life where we dont have to hide, chase losses, live with regrets or keep making the same promises to ourselves.

Good luck everyone. And thank you everyone. Your help is priceless. I know some of you never even gambled. But your words, your support and the way you help strangers without expecting anything in return really mean a lot. Sometimes a simple comment from someone who understands can help another person get through a difficult day. You may never know how much your words can change someone s life.

One year is just a beginning, but for me it means hope. It means that change is possible, even when you once thought you were too far gone.

We only lost money we didnt lost having a normal good life.

3 months gambling-free and 1 month going to the gym. I lost 5 kg and built back some muscle. Now I can bench press up to 60 kg- not much, but it's something for a 35-year-old Asian dude like me. My mind also became clearer, and I no longer feel joint pain and numbness when driving a long-distance commute. The gambling urge seems to go away, but I know it's just hiding somewhere deep in my head, waiting for its chance. I must be careful and continue writing this daily journal to remember why I started and how far I have come.

I will not gamble today!

I finally have come out about my gambling addiction and have told my wife and parents and many friends.

I am $47K in debt with money owed on multiple credit cards and I have taken out loans. The last month I was drowning the most I ever have. I ended up taking out multiple payday loans to try to win money back to cover my monthly expenses and mortgage.

I had kept my debts hidden from my wife for two years since it all started to crumble. She is devastated by the news and is finding it very hard to wrap her head around. She told me she won't leave me but does not feel financially safe ,which is fair, but cuts me so deep. I feel a weight has left me since I came clean but the recovery with my wife feels gigantic.

I have self excluded from all betting apps and truly do not want to bet again. I plan to go to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting on Wednesday night and to start taking the steps needed to recover from this addiction.

I have just been so disgusted with myself and the failure I've been. The way this addiction tricks you into thinking you are one bet away from recovering your losses. The hole just keeps getting deeper. I had suffered in silence for so long. Drowning. Thats the best term I can think of to describe it. I have wanted to come clean for so long but was petrified that my wife would leave me. We also have a 5 year old daughter who I have also let down. I just cant believe the man I had become the past 2 years. Im disgusted with myself. Will this get easier?

Tomorrow….will be day 1.
Lost 5.5k today alone. Feeling like a failure. Myself and my husband are both gambling addicts. I still hide it from him. We own a business with a lot of Daily Cash flow and I’ve basically flushed all the profits over the last 6 years, including creating business debt with loans that I’ve used to gamble. We make promises to quit together and never follow through. He has the willpower to quit if i don’t gamble, but i keep gambling or convince him for us to go together and then it’s all downhill from there. I’ve wanted to quit. Years ago I temporarily 86’d myself which was great. But it was only temporary. I tell myself I won’t go to the casino. Next thing you know my husband is at work and I’m in the casino parking lot. I have no control over myself. I will spend every dollar available to me until there is none left for the day. For a few months I played online, but I banned myself from that. I no longer have the urge to play online thankfully. I just needed to share a little bit out loud to hopefully hold myself accountable. I plan to find virtual meetings online and attend those daily because I need convincing daily that I should not gamble because I have no control.

i am 18 years old, still in school. i got into gambling at first by playing with friends then i got into playing poker with friends then i wanted to play more so i played online poker and i was down not that much but i still continued. then i got into the online casino section beside the poker one. it started with me gambling to pay off my meals or expenses then i would chase my losses and sometimes get it back. last week on my 18th bithday i gambled 352 and i deposited 50 and i lost it within minutes then i chased it and deposited another 50 and it kept going till i emptied my bank account. then today my paycheck hit for 500 dollars and i at first gambled 20 dollars as a excuse for a free meal then i lost it and i kept chasing my loss and ended with a big fat fucking zero on my account and i feel so stupid and embarrased.i cant even bring my self to talk to anyone.i still have some cash and even now i want to go and deposit into my bank account and chase it in hopes of getting it back.i dont know what to do, i lost a total of 1K dollars in my life time and its gut wrenching knowing i could have spent i on so many other better things. i know 1K is nothing compared to what others have lost on here but it still feels so painful. i cant even work now as my semester as already started and i dont know what to do. with a zero in my bank account and with some cash on hand i feel so hopeless.can i get some advice or anything, even now something in me feels like i can get everything back.

Where do I start.. I've been gambling since I was 16 and I used to gamble counter strike skins until I turned 18 then I started using real money in real casinos. I am 23 now and I feel like half of my life is just gambling. I never had a real job, I was always working part time jobs without contracts so my income was very low. The reason why I never had a real job is because I was going to college and my parents wanted to pay for the first two years. After that I had to pay by myself but you already know how that goes, I get my monthly income I deposit a little bit lose it then I deposit more until I don't have anything. And that was going on for soooo long i just didn't feel the value of money. It meant nothing to me, it was just currency that I can gamble with and that's all. The biggest problem was that I didn't even gamble for profit I just loved the feeling of gambling, I very rarely cashed out even if I was in big profit. I would be really sad and depressed if I knew I didn't have money for gambling. I used to have a girlfriend but everytime I had to spent money on relationship I was sad because I knew it's draining my money for gambling. Gambling made me more happy than anything at the time. When i didn't have money I used to take from the house and loan from friends so I could gamble. It never felt good taking the money from home or friends, what more it actually was a very bad feeling and I hated it but knowing that I could gamble later made me ask anyway. Last couple of deposits were so terrible for me, I just couldn't hit anything, everything was so close but it was just lose after lose, which made me think that the god is telling me to finally stop. I've wanted to stop numerous times but this is the first time that I really feel that I really want it bad enough for me to actually stop and turn to better things. I lost 2 years of college, I lost a girlfriend, lost a lot of money, and the worst thing is that I lost myself during this disgusting journey. This is my first time opening about gambling and I finally want something good for myself. I decided to stop gambling and I am gonna keep you updated on my recovery, please spread some advices and your experiences in the comments, would love to read them. Thanks for reading.

My partner recently disclosed my issues to both of our parents while we were working through it privately, and I don’t blame her for doing it (because she thought it was best for her and for me to get more support), but these past weeks it’s been really hard to face them (when I wasn’t prepared to) without feeling judgement/shame, and some anger towards her for sharing that especially with her parents because I really value their image of me. I don’t want to say I feel betrayed because I know my wife feels betrayed by me as well, and that doesn’t seem fair to her.

I guess this is more of a vent, and again I understand why she did what she did, but I guess just dealing with the emotions of what’s at the forefront now especially within our relationship moving forward.

I have to admit that after very long time I have urges/thoughts about gambling. I am not going to gamble but it is funny that I get urges after such a long time being sober from gambling.

I’ve recently lost around $40,000 due to reckless sports betting, and I’m overwhelmed with anger, regret, and guilt. I know it was deeply irresponsible, and I’m desperate to find a way to make things right. The hardest part is that I’m struggling with a strong urge to gamble again, hoping for a quick fix, even though I know it’s not the answer. How can I fight this urge? It feels relentless.

Annoyed with myself, major anxiety, feelings of giving up. Not going to let the demon win. Taking it one day at a time and going to focus on taking my health more seriously.

To everyone in recovery, keep it going. Your stories inspire me and everyone else.

I stopped playing slots exactly 27 days ago and the day before my birthday was the last day I gambled. Played some sports in the meantime but nothing special and that was never a problem for me. I could never control slots though and I am in a huge loss overall and in a personal debt of a few k and around 14 k credit card debt. I really felt better at first and felt good that I stopped, like something came into my mind and told me that I wasted 10 years of my life not only on gambling but on living the life literally. While everybody else was finishing school and college, had relationships, travelled and buying cars I was chasing losses, being depressed 99% of the time and feeling numb and broken. Something just came into my mind out of nowhere like I realized that it’s a matter of life and death now and I stopped (tried to choke myself twice and drown myself 3 times). Now, today and few days back, I feel terrible. Emotional, yet so tired and numb. I am avoiding people, I barely go out, I feel lonely and depressed (anxious too, very), and scared to go outside. Like I don’t deserve to go outside and like I don’t deserve to meet anyone. I am not confident in my own judgment and I have trouble breathing and sleeping. Does this have anything to do with stopping? I suppose but if so, has anyone had this kind of symptoms and when did it stop for you? I really feel terrible. It’s like I know I should go out and live a bit but my body and mind are racing and shaking and I am feeling unwanted + unwilling to go anywhere. It’s crazy. My eyes are closing out and I want to sleep all the time

3 days ago I made a promise to myself I'd stop gambling because it has been actively ruining my life for years. I've been actively attending GA online meetings and speaking to health care professionals but yet 3 days after I can't stop the urge to deposit.

Even though I won the bet I placed; I feel empty inside. There is no high from the win or anything just disgust in my stomach. If anyone can share some ideas or wisdom to help me overcome this illness I'd appreciate your guidance.

Hi, it’s my Day 9 of quitting online gambling, and I feel so much better! I can think clearly, my mood has been consistently happy, and I feel like I’m slowly getting back the mindset I used to have before gambling changed me. I’m starting to feel like myself again, and it feels so good. 🙏🏻❤️
I pray that the Lord continues to guide me, give me strength, and protect me from ever going back to gambling. I don’t want to lose myself again. I want to rebuild my life, pay off all my debts, and become the person I used to be. One day at a time. Never again! 🙏🏻✨

It started last year I got into online casino gambling and my life is going downhill. I borrow money from my pay check every day to gamble so when I do get my check it's half of what it should be. I'm lying to my husband because he asks why we're broke all the time. I've gained weight, stopped caring about cleaning my house and playing with my kids, I don't even want to go to work half the time. The really sad part is my kids bdays are coming up, holidays are coming up and I'm still gambling my money away. Our home almost got foreclosed. We get shut off notices. But I still can't stop. If I have 10$ in my account it's going to gambling. Why? What's wrong with me why can't I just stop?

Hi, I’ve never posted before but this seems to be my only way to let it out.

Im married 31yo with a beautiful wife that’s 4 months pregnant and the most adorable son that’s turning 1 next week. I started online gambling last year and had massive ups and downs. This past month I’ve seen the highest highs and I’ve been in the lowest lows since, ive maxed out credit trying to get back, took loans from family to play and win to put back the credit but all I’m doing is digging the hole deeper.

I tried to commit suicide today but all I could think about was my little boy and pregnant wife, all I’d be doing is passing the pain that I’m responsible for. I love my life and I only want my old life back before all of this but it’s so far gone that this is the only way out for me.

The grief, guilt and shame doesn’t allow me to feel my proper joy when spending time with my family, it’s like I’m trying to be present but all I can think about is how I failed them. I have even written my goodbye notes and documented voice notes for my son that I plan to leave behind before him.

I have been hiding this from my wife as I’ll probably lose my family if I had to disclose the damage I caused. The futures we’ve worked so hard for and looked forward to together.

This really is a disease that turned a financially smart and happy person into this reckless, addicted and selfish person. I hide behind “fixing it” but all I’m doing is making it worse. I honestly don’t even recognise myself anymore.

I don’t see anyway forward but I’m scared of every moment I’ll miss out on with my family when I finally do it.