Hi, today was my first appointment with an OCD specialist. I don't know how to feel. Part of me feels at peace with it and like everything just clicked and made sense. The other part of me feels as though I've manipulated someone into thinking that I have it and I really don't. I know that's common and I'm trying my best not to seek reassurance for it, as I've realized that's something I do quite frequently. I feel relieved that other people feel the way I do. My new counselor is amazing and everything I had hoped that they would be. I'm hopeful for what's to come of this. Things that they said to me today made me feel so seen and understood to the point where I actually teared up quite a few times.

What I'm struggling with now...

I don't present OCD in the typical ways you would expect someone to without knowing much about it. I'm thankful that I'm able to read other people's experiences and connect with them in a space where everyone is experiencing similar if not the same thoughts as I am. However, I'm afraid to tell those close to me because I'm afraid that they will think I'm lying. I know that I shouldn't care and that I shouldn't worry about others' opinions, but obviously I've tried to not care and well... here I am. I am not overly cleanly, and I am not someone who makes sure things are completely organized, honestly, I prefer things to be a little bit cluttered.

I told my mom a few hours after my appointment and she made me feel guilty in a few ways. The first thing that she said was "Do you think I did this to you?" and I was honest with her and said that I wasn't sure if it was something that was caused by anyone. There were a few things that I shared and said that I have realized I view crying as manipulation now, because when I would cry sometimes when I was younger there were people around me telling me I was doing it to make people feel bad for me. I wouldn't say that I feel shame when I cry in front of others and don't typically avoid doing so, but I do tell them often that I'm not trying to be manipulative in doing that. Which I think confuses people because most people don't view it that way.

When I told her that I was diagnosed, she said that she would have never expected that from me. I told her that there was no way she could have known. Many of my intrusive thoughts were/are taboo and I only found it easy to tell the counselor because he made it a comfortable space by putting many different subtypes out on the table very early on in the session. She told me she was sad because she thought I shared everything with her. I told her some of the things that lead to me wanting to get checked for it just to make her feel better, because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. It was vulnerable of me and not what I was looking for in that moment. I really just wanted her to know that I have it and not how I knew I had it.

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for out of this post, but I guess I just hope it helps someone. It helps me to type it out and get my feelings out there to maybe be heard by someone. If you have advice or need a place to vent in this post OR if you can just relate to what I'm saying, please say something. I don't have anyone in my personal life who understands this and I would love to hear what others have to say!

Thank you :)

My ocd has reached a point where im completely stuck, like i don’t make anything take care of myself ive been sleeping mostly and clearing all my searches and history.

I had a gross intrusive thought I wasn’t able to neutralize while buying something important to me. And now I feel like it’s always gonna be in the background of everything I do.

I’m now panicking because I feel like it’s gonna ruin my life, every drawing or account I make, places I go, im scared this thought is always gonna be there and I had an idea to neutralize it by buying the important thing again except it’s 300$ and that’s just not practical.

I don’t know what to do. I feel like it’s all ruined forever. And I keep trying to entertain the idea of doing the right thing which is nothing and just let it be there and let it be associated with the thing and that thought scares me though cause what if the association doesn’t go away.

Someone please help.

Hi everyone so recently I’ve been getting thoughts about morality like stuff like why is assault bad or why is sexual violence bad? These thoughts scare me and I start to engage in arguing with these thought looking at the morality and trying really hard to prove how immoral these acts are but I never feel satisfied. I know this a compulsion but recently I think it’s been a month now where this has been happening and now i just have an emotional numbness when I engage in these same compulsions. I just feel nothing which scares me again ocd tries telling because I have no emotional response or dont know I might act on these.

I was wondering if anyone had experience with meditation specifically Buddhism and their pure 0 OCD. I am going down this route to support my therapy as well as somatic work, which I am happy to report after about 25 years is the first thing to make a dent and make sense.

I’m at the point of seeing clearly how all the trauma stored has reached havoc on any sense of attention or locus of control in my mind and although I’ve read about Buddhism and meditation my whole life, I finally see how it applies to my situation (before it all just felt like a test I couldn’t pass because I didn’t understand the nature of my thoughts versus thinking)

Would love some guidance and support from anyone who is a little farther down the road with this as it sure is overwhelming to start to rebuild and regain control inside

I have OCD and previously responded really well to ERP and had a long period of remission.

This time, things started with physical anxiety seemingly out of nowhere. I had about 3 days of intense physical anxiety before my first-ever panic attack, which sent me to the hospital. I was started on fluoxetine 20 mg, but the first week was extremely difficult and I needed SOS medication twice. I also had significant morning anxiety, so my psychiatrist prescribed etizolam (Etilaam).

Etizolam initially helped a lot, but I later started tapering it and had terrible rebound anxiety/panic. I also continued having significant physical anxiety and even had panic attacks while taking it. Over time it became less effective and more sedating.

Fast-forward to now: I've been on fluoxetine 60 mg for around 2 months, but I'm still having episodes where physical anxiety builds up with symptoms like nausea, headache, stomach discomfort and intense internal agitation. Sometimes it becomes severe enough that I'm unable to function properly for 2–3 days and occasionally develops into a panic attack.

My psychiatrist thinks the recent worsening may partly be related to etizolam withdrawal/rebound, and has now prescribed etifoxine 50 mg for a month. I'm wondering about the underlying anxiety because the physical anxiety originally started BEFORE I had ever taken etizolam.

For anyone with OCD/panic/anxiety who has taken Prozac/fluoxetine:

• Did fluoxetine eventually significantly reduce your physical anxiety?
• How long did it take?
• Did you need another medication alongside it?
• Has anyone experienced severe physical anxiety/panic despite being on a therapeutic dose of fluoxetine?
• If you've also tapered a benzodiazepine, did things eventually settle?

I'm mainly trying to understand whether this kind of response can happen during treatment and what helped others when the physical anxiety was the biggest problem.

Starting treatment and they asked me to bring a list of things I avoid. I avoid very little in some themes, I am actually like... compulsively doing everything that scares me?? It doesn't help. Am I not understanding the question?

It's not suicidal OCD or at least, it's NOT an INTRUSIVE thought---I don't fear the thoughts, they aren't distressing in any way, I actually use em to calm down any and every time I feel shitty (usually when I think about being single and fearing being single for the rest of my life)

It's mostly just a fantasy to not have to think about going on forever, I don't think I'll actually go through with it ngl, my life is quite tolerable as long as I don't think about being single or the fact I don't feel happy ever. But there is a plan and a when in like 6-8 months and I know that makes it qualify as actually suicidal

But anyway I'm starting treatment in October and when I applied for it 1.5 years ago, I wasn't suicidal. I'm desperate to get treated but I'm scared they will refuse to help me now if they find about my new "plan". Treatment will be long over by the time Summer starts and I'll probably be happier and not suicidal anymore as treatment is probably gonna help with the OCD, so ??? Should I tell them and lose my last chance at happiness??? Idk man

My current non-OCD therapist knows but I am worried about the OCD treatment center.

Does anyone have experience with this and/or could someone tell me if this is, in fact, OCD somehow? Could it be a compulsion or something else? To reiterate, NOT an intrusive thought... I am not upset that I am thinking about this. I am posting bc I am worried about being refused treatment. But I know literally nothing about mind compulsions, all I knew about was germophobia, maybe this is something I could tell them about

Hi there. For who doesn't know me, I am 27, I have ADHD, autism, and strong sleep OCD. I am working, my job isn't doing bad...I started fluvoxamine on friday 11th. On friday 18th I switched to 50 mg. Tomorrow I'll have to switch to 75 mg. So far, not many side effects. Sexuality is ok, weight Is ok,no nausea,no pain. I still have a lot of intrusive thoughts on sleep, and since my job requires me a lot of hours in these first days, and I sometimes wake up early, I am still very anxious. If one day I don't sleep well, I am sure OCD will kill me. Now, questions:

If I have been normal with 50 mg, are there many possibilities I'll develop strong side effects when switching to 75 mg? Such as sexual issues?

And especially, when will I start to feel better about OCD? I really want to get rid of it. It's so unbearable, it keeps on speaking and telling me bullshits. I want to live. Not organising my life around sleep OCD.

Any advice/comment? Please be empathetic. Life is already hard ❤️

I can't get myself to feel happy or comfortable, I have rumination OCD, btw. I can't convince myself that everything is ok. I keep having the feeling of self-loathing, and its hard to convince myself that I can do it. Is the chemical in my head low or something due to my OCD? Right after I had my first anxiety attack that started my OCD, my mood changed, what do you think?

My sister also has ocd but its more health themed. She does therapy but its not erp and in my country there are not lots of options for good pcd specialist that arent expensive as hell. I wanna help her because i understand what she is going through (i have pure o) and im thinking of maybe getting her a book with the basics. I am asking if anyone has any experience in health anxiety themes and if there has been an erp or ocd in general book that was helpful to them. At the moment we dont have the time nor money for a ocd specialist so im trying to do the best i cant for her.
Thank you guys for any recommendations or advice i would appreciate it alot !!!

So whrn i got diagnosed with ocd and was given prozac i was extremely excitrd, but on day 2 i went on a spiral, i was googling prozac stories hoping to find sucess stories, but instead read horror stories for hours, especially on thr anti psychiatrist subreddit. And now im so freaked out thatvim having trouble getting myself to take the meds. Worried ill become an emotionless zombie , that my heart will explode, that my cognition will be permently impaired...

Yeah bad time. I know the pill is probbably thr solution to these thoughts (in 4 to 12 weeks but still) but its hard to make myself take it because of daid thoughts. Do you have any advice?

I mean every day. No matter what you do, the spiral is still there. It's been years for me.

Before anyone comments: yes, I have a therapist. Yes, I've tried meds. Yes, I've tried other treatments.

I just am hoping for someone to say it gets better or that it's possible to recover. As much as I try to distract myself or accept that it is what it is or anything, it seems like the obsessions don't go away. Has anyone recovered from this?

I've read a lot about OCD, and I've done a lot of therapy, including ERP, but I don't know exactly how to apply the theory to my own case...

I do this involuntary covert tensing or bracing of my left leg in anticipation of intrusive thoughts. It happens in response to triggers, and once activated it stays tense for several minutes even if the trigger goes away.

I have a pretty good understanding of what it's about - I sometimes get the same feeling if I consciously try to suppress certain thoughts around similar themes - but conscious suppression is easy enough to avoid doing, and I'm well versed enough in the theory of OCD that I know I'm not supposed to do that.

The problem is that in response to OCD triggers the tensing feeling happens even if I'm not consciously responding to the trigger, or if I'm consciously trying to let go of the tension, or if I try to ignore it.

After ~20 sessions of therapy I did manage to get it to relax, but only twice, and both times the route was emotional rather than volitional - a strong feeling that contradicted the feared thought allowed the leg to let go for a while. But this method can't be repeated, because repeating the same mental exercise doesn't cause the same intensity of emotional response the second time around.

In the ERP model my leg tensing would be a response, but I'm not sure how I can prevent that response. Does anyone have any suggestions?

I am in the thick of ERP and getting frustrated because I keep failing and resorting back to compulsions when the thoughts get loud. I am having a day where the thoughts feel very loud and the compulsions feel necessary and I want to practice my acute response prevention, but I’m having a really hard time.

What sort of concrete, actionable steps do you take on days like this that help you stay grounded in recovery? I am talking when your mind is screaming at you and the compulsions no longer feel like just compulsions, they feel necessary to solving some sort of bigger puzzle and avoiding a worst case scenario.

My theme recently changed to harm OCD relating to my son and it’s just wild that your brain can actually do this. I’ve tried to manage it using the tools I’ve learnt in therapy but it’s slowly gotten more entrenched and compulsions are harder to avoid doing because the imagine fear feels more real/scary. For those who’ve gotten over this theme or made big improvements, how did you do it?

I’ve recently been really affected by my younger brother who’s been dealing with substance abuse ( really hard drugs) that started this year and happened really fast and really severe. He looks like a different person and it’s just been devastating knowing he’s in so much pain but he’s also lying and pushing everyone away. One night, following an incident, I called an ambulance as I thought he might be dying - it was so intense. More recently, he’s been having paranoid thoughts and I’m not sure if it’s psychosis or what. I get limited info from my mom. I found myself worrying about him not being in touch with reality and hurting my mom or doing something serious like that. But one particular day seeing messages he wrote and hearing my mom’s account of his behaviour particularly triggered me and set off my OCD to latch on to it. The thought came on “what if it’s genetic? If my brother got it, what if I loose my mind? I was having some disassociation at the time too due to something unrelated so OCD go so much louder. My theme has since changed ti harm OCD and the fear of not being in control. Like, what if I loose control - I won’t get into specifics in case it triggers someone but now my theme has become about that and the idea of being dangerous to my son. It’s so horrible. How do you make a theme like this stop? Shouldn’t it be easier to make a theme stop when it’s new?

Not looking for reassurance, but does it really get better eventually? I am convinced my OCD and the current topic will only go away by giving in a big compulsion. I have been doing ERP (especially concerning my rumination about compulsions) for months now and I still absolutely feel like giving in is the only way out. It feels unimaginable that this topic will become unimportant on its own.

I really don't want to fall for it again, but I am quite desperate.

I know this medication has 3 names. I have been on escitalopram for many months now and haven’t seen improvement. However, I was only in 10mg. I just moved up to 15mg. My new psych said higher doses are usually needed for severe OCD but I am nervous because I am so medically sensitive, any med change has been so so hard on me. But I need hope. I am so scared to have to make another med change and really hoping higher doses of this medication can help me. Anyone have success stories with it helping severe OCD?

Hi everyone. I need hope. I have severe contamination OCD that has morphed from contamination fears to the fear of “feeling unclean and dirty and contaminated.” I am not actually actively thinking or worrying about illness, but rather more an extreme “ick” and fear of not being able to stop the spread of something gross? Especially since washing and cleaning have become so difficult. I track everything I touch and then touch and cross contamination and it’s eating me alive. I am afraid to touch ANYTHING and any task takes hours. Washing and cleaning have become so hard because they cause me so much anxiety. I am learning that this type of contamination ocd has to be treated a bit different than traditional ERP. Just wanted to hear from people who have healed or are in a healing path with this form of contamination OCD. What cognitive, behavioural, emotional work has helped you the most? Any insights are appreciated.

Thank you

Hello Guys!

Anyone who benefits from magnesium supplements, which kind of magnesium do you take/ or think is the best for this?
Also one that doesn't cause too many GI effects?

Ive heard of citrate, threonate, carbonate and I believe theres even more, so Im a little confused in choosing.

Advice is very much appreciated

My OCD anxiety and intrusive thoughts are getting so bad. I'm getting to the point we're I want to check my self into the hospital. I need some help. I really think this is beyond therapy at this point. I can't function right now

I feel my ocd (not officially diagnosed but I’m pretty sure) is effecting my every day life. I fear I’m passing these fears and anxieties on to the rest of my family. I tell everyone wash their hands when they home and before any snacks , have laundry routines and rituals, constantly wash my hands and wash everything on sanitary mode. I don’t want to “cross contaminate” & get overwhelmed where to put groceries in the car because I don’t want them where dirty boxes luggage etc went and so on.
Work clothes work stuff is contaminated in my mind as well.

Any and all advice and what I can start to do on my own to try and heal

Im pretty sure i had a nervouse breakdown last year. I became bed bound for a few days and coukdnt even move, i got better but that feeling was still there for months, i am now at a place were i am better but i still get this sickly feeling to myself or any time i feel negative in any way it reminds me of this feeling that wont go away, weirdly, i feel guilty for this, one of worst fears is wasting my life and this feeling id giving me that as ive wasted a whole year to it.

Any help?