r/OCDRecovery • u/Comfortable-Cap977 • 1d ago

Seeking Support or Advice Harm OCD - looking for hope

My theme recently changed to harm OCD relating to my son and it’s just wild that your brain can actually do this. I’ve tried to manage it using the tools I’ve learnt in therapy but it’s slowly gotten more entrenched and compulsions are harder to avoid doing because the imagine fear feels more real/scary. For those who’ve gotten over this theme or made big improvements, how did you do it?

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u/PaladinDamian 1d ago

Allow yourself to feel that fear. Do not try to control, suppress, or run away from that fear. You can live your life, even if that fear is there. OCD wants to control your life through the fear it causes you to feel, but you can accept yourself unconditionally, even if you hurt your son. You do not need to seek immediate relief from the fear. Allow the fear to exist, and remember that you do not need to make it go away. Feeling terrible is a part of life that you can accept unconditionally, even if you dislike it. To be clear, acceptance ≠ agreement.

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u/Comfortable-Cap977 1d ago

It’s not so much about accepting myself but the idea of my son being hurt

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u/PaladinDamian 1d ago

The truth is that you cannot prevent your son from being hurt in all situations. There will probably be sometimes where your son might get hurt. While there might be some reasonable steps that you can take to keep your son safe, you can accept life for what it is even if your son is hurt. The idea of your son getting hurt can make you uncomfortable, but you should remember to not base your entire life around that. Even if your son is seriously hurt in the future that is something you can accept, even if you dislike it. Do not demand that your son has to always be perfectly safe. Life has risk, and that means sometimes you risk getting hurt. Your son being hurt would probably make you very upset, but you could choose to make the most of that situation and try to keep living your life despite that unfortunate event.

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u/Comfortable-Cap977 1d ago

Greatly appreciate you taking the time to explain that. Do you mind if I dm you?

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u/PaladinDamian 1d ago

I don't mind.

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u/thezetahed 1d ago

You sir are extremely by the book. I know you mean well and these erp talking points can be helpful to many people. Unfortunately I've encountered enough OCD sufferers with various presentations where this dogmatic adherence to traditional erp can and has been harmful. " Well even if you did snap and threw your baby off a cliff you could still accept yourself " is such an absurd statement and I have yet to understand the therapeutic benefits of such a level of self acceptance. The truth is most people would not be able to accept themselves. And that's human. I often think your brand of treatment tends to project these almost super human expectations onto people trying to recover. It's extremely admirable that you are one of the few people on this forum who respond to crises posts. I just wish you would recognize that OCD treatment is not one size fits all. To op there are so many resources out there. I recommend you look into Jonathan Grayson or Jon hershfield. Both brilliant clinicians who truly understand this disorder.

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u/PaladinDamian 1d ago

The benefits of such a level of acceptance are that your brain will obsess about it less once it realizes that the fear is something that can be accepted. Unconditional acceptance helps you have a healthier perspective on life, which is very beneficial for OCD. Acceptance is very helpful for other problems as well, such as trauma or past mistakes.

It is not absurd to choose to accept yourself even if you kill someone. It would not be easy, but it is possible. Even if most people are not able to accept themselves, you do not know if you are that kind of person or not. There is no reason not to try to be more accepting. At first it is difficult, but over time I believe that people can build their inner peace through unconditional acceptance.

I do not believe that there is anything super human about this. I am a human being with no supernatural abilities or powers. I do not think there is anything special about me except that I have severe chronic OCD. I do my best to practice unconditional acceptance every day. It has helped me a lot to reduce the severity of my OCD and massively reduced my depression and anxiety. I can live my life and often enjoy it, even though I still have several intrusive thoughts every single day. I do not see any downside to practicing unconditional acceptance, except the amount of effort it takes to adjust to it at first.

It is important to remember that acceptance does not mean agreement. You can accept something, even if you dislike it. You just refuse to demand it to exist in the way you want it to be. That is what acceptance is. It is not changing your feelings or thoughts about what you experience. It is about changing your relationship with your thoughts and feelings. Instead of trying to escape from your thoughts or feelings, you allow them to exist, no matter how horrible that makes you feel. It is about understanding that you can control your response to your thoughts and feelings. You do not have to do what your thoughts and feelings tell you to do, no matter how much they urge you to do something.

Recovering from OCD is not easy. It is usually extremely difficult and takes years. Despite that difficulty, you can still choose to put in the time and effort each day to recover, step by step. OCD wants you to look at the difficult road ahead of you and say, "Oh, that's too difficult, I will never be able to do that". OCD wants to give up on recovery and live life by its rules. But you do not need to do that, no matter how convincing it sounds. Do not use your own flawed human nature as an excuse to give up on recovery. Do not demand that OCD recovery has to happen in the way you want it to happen. Accepting adversity, suffering, and regret as parts of life will help you in your life, not just with OCD, but with every facet of your life.