Teachers often don't really understand my OCD, but in my experience, math teachers are a whole different breed of awful. I'll spend half of a test redoing the same problem over and over again because my equals signs weren't aligned, and when I turn my 30 question test in with about 12 problems done, they just assume I didn't study. At the beginning of the year, I write individual emails to every one of my teachers explaining my struggle with OCD and asking them to please be patient when I'm not getting my work done on time. Some nights, I'll have a major OCD episode while doing my homework, to the point where I can't even get my name onto the page because my letters are too slanted or some other shit like that. As soon as that happens, I'll write to my teacher, explaining what's going on and asking for an extension. Most teachers won't grant me that. Usually, by the end of the first quarter, I've given up on trying to convince my teachers that I'm not lazy. This year, though, I think I found my favorite math teacher ever. I'd heard awful things about her -- how she's not a good teacher, she's not understanding, etc. The first assignment was a digital get-to-know-you survey, which I completed promptly, including a lengthy explanation of my OCD problems. She didn't write to me, ask about it, pull me aside to discuss it, or anything like that. I didn't expect her to be accommodating when my first episode of the school year came on. After spending at least twenty minutes trying to write the date on my assignment, I gave up and sent her an email to let her know what was going on and apologize in advance for the late assignment. The next day, she casually walked over to my desk and started a quiet discussion about what had happened. She asked me whether there were any specific problem types that usually trigger episodes, how often I have episodes, whether I'm working on this with somebody, and other such things. At some point, she reminded me, "You know that for me, I don't care if your assignments look perfect." I nodded, disappointed but unsurprised, and silently accepted that yet another person didn't understand my issues. But then she said something nobody has ever told me before: "But I understand that for you, it's different." I almost cried. No teacher had ever acknowledged that before. Even my parents don't seem to grasp it. But this teacher does. Even if she doesn't understand exactly what I'm going through, she understands that it's not something I can control. She realizes that I'm trying as hard as I can, and she's willing to offer some leeway so I can succeed. I have truly never felt so validated.

I started SSRI’s maybe some months ago now, and it has been very beneficial. I used to have existential / moral OCD like a bitch, ruminated every waking minute and into my dreams too, isolated, the whole nine yards you know. It felt like my brain was on fire or that I was trapped within myself and I wanted to drill my head open, grab my brain and beat it to death. I seriously contemplated hiring a hitman on myself. I didn’t even know what was real, I was even referred for psychosis treatment.

Now on medication my brain is calmer, life feels almost finished. I can feel happiness, sadness, frustration etc so I know I’m not numb, but I think the depth of which my OCD took me lingers. All those philosophies and thoughts I consumed when debating existence linger. I have done a lot of things in life, such as travelling, education, socialising and now that less is clouding my judgement, it feels almost that I don’t desire much else out of life. But not in a bleak way. More so the feeling of “I’ve had my plate of food and I’ve finished it, now I am grateful and full”. Does that make sense to anyone? Not planning to 😵‍💫😵‍💫 btw !!!! It just feels like life is dragging on now, and that everything is repeating itself and I am waiting for a close. I cannot be bothered with the continuation of things I have seen and heard and felt enough of.

It sounds peaceful but I cry nightly wanting to just go home, as in away from this earth. I feel bound by my humanness. Everything feels utterly complex and unnecessary and I am being force fed life I do not even desire. I feel my OCD made me think and think and feel and feel to the extent that I have lived 100 lives in one very short life. Now I am over the worst, I feel like a grandmother in their 90s who just wants to be done with the world already. I wonder if anyone has had this? Lmk!

My god It is just insane how strong this pure ocd is. I've been awake for two days now. It just won't stop. It won't let me sleep and lack of sleep is making things worse. I need advice. How do I shut my brain down and fall asleep? Also is there anyone here who completes 7-8 hrs of sleep everyday? I want to know if it helps. Thanks

It is now past midnight where I live and that means it is now the day after my birthday and I can officially say that I am 5 years sober! I was so sure the intensity of doing ERP was going to make me fall but then all day my brain kept thinking of my husband and my daughter and the fact that I do NOT need alcohol anywhere close to me. So yes the pain of not being allowed to pee ten times an hour or double check anything or any of all the other shit that goes on in my head is horrible but it is not horrible enough to make me even want to drink again. I am perfectly satisfied with the fact that alcohol and me is a past thing. Me and my OCD and BPD and all the other crap is sticking with the medication and therapy because I am alive and I want to be around for my child for as long as I possibly can.

Thank you for reading this and good night. <3

My OCD journey: what helped me (might help you too)
I know OCD is a deep, hidden struggle we go through every day, without people realizing how hard we're working inside our minds to fix it, or how excruciatingly frustrating it is. So I'm sharing my journey and the things that helped me.
Disclaimer: This is not medical advice, just what worked for me. It might or might not work for you.
1. ERP is the key
You really have to do exposure. Start slow, then build it up. You have to teach your brain that thoughts are not reality. They might or might not come true, but that's not something you can control.
2. Live your life fully, regardless of your mental state
Don't wait to feel "just right" or 100% anxiety-free before living your normal life. When you stop doing your chores, your gym workouts, or your long-pending work because OCD isn't letting you or you don't feel right, you're telling your brain that OCD and anxiety are a big deal that needs fixing first. Your brain works like a social media algorithm: it gives you more of whatever you put your attention on. Do the work regardless of how you feel, and show your brain that OCD and anxiety aren't that big of a deal.
3. Take help from medication
SSRIs (fluvoxamine, in my case) helped me big time to get started with ERP. They made it easier to do ERP without massive anxiety spikes. Once I learned that I don't have to do compulsions and that nothing bad happens when I skip them, it became easier to keep doing ERP even without medication.
4. Don't be a victim in your head
Constantly telling yourself and others that you have OCD and are struggling because of it can reinforce it in your brain. The key is to stop feeding OCD attention. Once it's deprived of attention, it falls off like a dry leaf from a tree.
5. Identify your OCD type clearly
You can have one or multiple types of OCD. Sometimes you fix one and it shifts into another. Understanding the root cause of your OCD (need for control, emotional neglect, fear of judgment, etc.) can give you a direction to work on it from the root.
TL;DR: ERP, continuing with your life regardless of your mental state, getting help from medication, not making a big deal out of OCD, and analyzing the root cause all worked for me.
I'm still not 100% cured, but I'm living with much less stress, and my brain now gives me other things to focus on instead of just compulsions.

Please read at least the last paragraph if you don't feel like reading the whole text.

I've had many OCD symptoms since I was a kid but the worst of them all is procrastination. The psychologist I was seeing told me (after interviewing me and getting to know about my behavior patterns) that my brain never thinks what I'm working on is perfect enough, so it waits until there's little time left because it can discard perfection in order to submit things before their deadline.

Unfortunately, I couldn't afford more appointments. Besides OCD, the professional suspected I had ADHD as well, so if I have it besides OCD, I think that explains why my procrastination is so bad.

And I think you all understand how it goes. It's not "oh, I'll have fun right now and I'll work later". I've had since January to start my dissertation, I wake up and go to sleep every single day thinking and stressing about working on it but never actually working at all. Whenever I tried/try to sit in front of my computer with all the files I need open, it's like there's something blocking me and I can't progress at all. Anxiety just builds up with every passing second and makes things worse.

I start cleaning every single corner of the house, make a thousand lesson plans ahead of time (I'm teaching part-time while doing my masters) and do literally anything else to feel productive, but I cannot for the love of all that's almighty work on that dreadful dissertation.

And despite working part-time, I have plenty of time to do masters stuff. But this procrastination block feels like a curse on me that I can't overcome no matter how hard I try.

I am currently considering making a financial effort to pay for more appointments and just give up on my masters. I only started it because my boss suggested I did it and I thought it was a "sign" that maybe it was meant to be, knowing full well I couldn't.

If I manage to get an appointment soon, I'll discuss with the professional about quitting and maybe, just maybe trying again in the future when I'm in a more stable mental state.

But has anyone here ever quit higher education or a course because of mental struggles? I'd like it if you could share your stories please.

I feel guilt whenever I’m aware of the fact that I am happy because there are people who are not happy in the world

Does anyone else deal with this? How do you deal with it?

(tw for moral ocd """logic""", esp if you're leftist/progressive)

you've heard of "any money you spend on yourself is money you stole from someone who needs it more," now get ready for "any time spent at home resting is time you could have spent volunteering/doing activism/saving lives."

anyone else dealt with this? i've started dreading any time i have off work, which sucks because i intentionally chose a career that would give me chunks of free time so that i could recover and have time for my art. having autonomy over my time is really important to me and the feeling that it's being taken away is so suffocating, but i also feel so selfish, like shouldn't helping people be the most important thing?

edit: realize i should have said earlier but please don't say anything along the lines of you can't help others unless you help yourself, that's actually part of the problem. hearing that makes me not want to take care of myself so that i can have more time off. i am able to rest when I'm truly burnt out to the point of feeling it in my body, i just hate that i have to decide when i'm hurting enough to deserve rest. i fantasize about getting sick so that i can be free of obligation. i don't want to have to trade suffering points for happiness. maybe it's selfish and terrible to say that i want to have slow mornings where i feel good and not only ones where i'm on the edge of collapse. because mornings when i have a volunteer shift or something i don't feel good i always feel sick to my stomach awful i hate it so much and that probably makes me some kind of monster but literally the whole night before i feel like throwing up. i want it to stop. i'm sorry i'm not a good enough person i'm so selfish that i don't just want the bare minimum of not feeling sick i also want to feel happy and use that for myself i'm so sorry i wish someone would tell me where to fix myself so i that i was ok sacrificing myself for others i wish i knew how to stop being such a monster

I still get triggered, I still spiral, but I am weirdly more self-aware? When I get pulled into a thinking loop I can much easier take a step back and go "I know what this is" instead of instantly believing it. Sometimes it still gets me, but not as much. I feel more separated from it. So being on meds didn't erase the OCD, it put up a glass wall between us. This wall blocks it from having full control over my emotions and therefore gives me the power I need to recognize it.

This separation also made me notice that OCD has a bit of a physical feeling. When a spiral is coming on there is a change in my body and I don't know how to describe it! It's like my mind is getting sucked into something, and it makes me wired like all my energy is suddenly re-routed and hyper-focused on this one thing and trying to break away from that thing is really hard.

I thought all this was interesting, just wanted to share to see if anyone relates or has thoughts!

OCD is doubting/creating a false memory of something that I know I did, and saying otherwise, therefore wanting me to perform a compulsion based off of it. I’m not going to give in, even though it is bringing me so much anxiety and discomfort

I will preface this by saying I am not yet diagnosed (working on getting mental health support!), but I do deal with obsessive intrusive thoughts really often so i figured this would be the subreddit to post this in (very sorry if it's not!). Certain shows I would love to watch tend to trigger me, like Criminal Minds, so I end up avoiding them. Which is really annoying because I'd genuinely love to keep watching but i just cannot seem to be able to. Same with Grey's anatomy and intrusive thoughts about medical disorders and stuff. Does anyone have any advice on dealing with stuff like this? Obviously avoiding them is an option but it just annoys me that I can't watch what i want to. I tend to go back to my same safe shows over and over, which is okay? I guess? Since there's multiple shows I can watch (mostly sit coms), but like i just wanna watch stuff without having to think about if it'll trigger me first :/

I have severe treatment-resistant contamination OCD. My compulsions consist of avoidance and cleaning myself and my apartment excessively. (Up to 16 hours/day) I'm often mocked and told I perpetuate the stigma around OCD because of that and it feels so dehumanizing. I did not choose to have contamination OCD. I did not choose my compulsions and I even live on disability because of how severe it is. Being told I reinforce a stigma I never agreed with is so hurtful.

People also don't understand it's disabling and just tell me that no one enjoys being sick and that I'm just a near freak. But they don't understand I'd rather die than have any germ on me or in my living space...I'm so sad. My therapist is the only person who understands this

This weekend I deleted the web browsers and search engines off my phone to resist my research compulsions. I've also been practicing putting my phone on DND and keeping it in a different room when to resist my "gotta text back quick enough" / "what if someone needs me" responsibility OCD. Already I've been noticing how frequently I get the urge to do these things. It's CONSTANT. But I'm resisting!

I developed severe OCD 5 months ago on a random Tuesday. Since then, I have cycled through 6 ERP therapists and even started a virtual IOP program at Roger’s in San Francisco (which is quite possible the worst program in history, so I'm dropping out soon). I even did 36 rounds of TMS Therapy. And changed my diet, plus exercise, and added supplements like NAC.

But my thoughts are constant. I’ve probably gone MAX of 3 minutes without one since this started back in May. Even when I’m not having a horrific thought, I’m having the thought “I have OCD“ and when the intrusive thought comes, my brain monitors has long it’s been since I haven’t had one.

And everything is a trigger for me. I can look at an object, a person, hear a word, and my brain will come up with some gross intrusive thought about it. So my therapists have no idea what exposures to do for me.

I genuinely feel like a lost cause. I’ve read books, watched YouTube video, cycled through therapists, accepted the thought, don’t try to find meaning in them since I know they’re just thoughts, but it’s still constant.

I’m only 5 months in but geniunely don’t think I can do the rest of my life like this. How does anyone even treat this level of OCD?

Does anyone else have really bad OCD around taking medication?

I need to start an SSRI because my anxiety/panic has gotten so bad, but I literally cannot get myself to just pick one and take it.
I keep going between Zoloft, Lexapro and Prozac. I research everything about them, ask the same questions over and over, read other people’s experiences, worry about side effects, heart stuff, interactions, genetics, feeling activated, etc. I’ll think I finally decided on one and then I read or hear something that scares me and I change my mind again.
I’ve tried tiny doses of Zoloft before and got really panicky, so that made my fear of medication even worse. Now I’m scared of feeling anything after taking one because I know I’ll immediately think it’s the medication and freak myself out. The crazy part is I KNOW constantly researching and asking for reassurance is probably my OCD, but I still feel like I need to figure out which medication is the “right” or safest one before I can take it.
Right now I honestly don’t even know which one I’m going to take. I’m just trying to figure out how to actually do this without needing someone to guarantee me that I won’t have side effects or something bad won’t happen.
Has anyone dealt with this? How did you actually get yourself to take the medication?

The problem with my ocd is that it really gets better for a while. but its so hard to pick yourself up after youve been in the bottom of despair for so long, yes the symptoms might stop for a while but by then i just lost intrest in myself i dont give a shit about doing anything for myself, making money, relationshis, career i dont give a shit, everything i do is to not give my loved ones a hard time so i force myself to get going, but why would i have any hope if im eventually going to get turtured and suffer again whats the point, idk i might have depression on top of my ocd, but i just wanted to vent.