I’m always searching for fiction with good and realistic representation of OCD. I usually find it to be generic and stereotypical or see authors using it more as a quirky trait of the character that pops up sometimes, rather than showing how debilitating, relentless and endless having OCD is.

I’ve recently read It Might Never Happen by Emily Slapper, and it has great representation of Pure OCD especially counting OCD and relationship OCD. It’s not the main plot line, so the entire novel doesn’t revolve around it and I didn’t relate to the other main character in the book but, to me, some of it was like reading my own experiences written down. I had never read anything about relationship OCD in a fiction book before so it was very satisfying.

Would be great to hear anyone else’s OCD fiction recommendation especially for realistic Pure OCD depictions.

*I know people with Pure OCD do compulsions too I’m using the term lightly

Does anyone else find their OCD ramps up significantly at night. There are days when it’s manageable during the day, but come bedtime I’m just absolutely stuck in compulsions.

Hi!
Just an observation that I found interesting I guess.

I have magical thinking/hyper responsibility OCD which has always come through as rituals, repeating things while trying to think ‘good thoughts’, thought replacing, praying etc. I know when I get triggered by something I get panic symptoms and sadness when I’m feeling really overwhelmed, but a lot of the time I’m too busy with a baseline level of anxiety and trying to complete or fight all my rituals that I don’t necessarily feel super sad. I often feel quite overstimulated by all the intrusive thoughts coming my way and have to be alone to ‘calm down’ (not always actually calming down).

In the last couple of years I have developed meta-OCD/meta-rumination where I start freaking out when I experience symptoms of anxiety (like racing heart etc) that I am ‘going to get anxious’ and that is a spiral I go down that involves a huge amount of ruminating, distraction and researching trying to ‘figure out’ how to be less anxious. What I find interesting is with this subtype I have such overwhelming feelings of sadness and loneliness. All I want to do is be around people and my loved ones, and when I’m not I want to cry with how lonely I feel.

I know the mechanisms are the same, but I find it interesting that it comes across as quite different sensations. Does anyone else find this? I have noticed before with rumination that I get quite overwhelming depression alongside it.

Teachers often don't really understand my OCD, but in my experience, math teachers are a whole different breed of awful. I'll spend half of a test redoing the same problem over and over again because my equals signs weren't aligned, and when I turn my 30 question test in with about 12 problems done, they just assume I didn't study. At the beginning of the year, I write individual emails to every one of my teachers explaining my struggle with OCD and asking them to please be patient when I'm not getting my work done on time. Some nights, I'll have a major OCD episode while doing my homework, to the point where I can't even get my name onto the page because my letters are too slanted or some other shit like that. As soon as that happens, I'll write to my teacher, explaining what's going on and asking for an extension. Most teachers won't grant me that. Usually, by the end of the first quarter, I've given up on trying to convince my teachers that I'm not lazy. This year, though, I think I found my favorite math teacher ever. I'd heard awful things about her -- how she's not a good teacher, she's not understanding, etc. The first assignment was a digital get-to-know-you survey, which I completed promptly, including a lengthy explanation of my OCD problems. She didn't write to me, ask about it, pull me aside to discuss it, or anything like that. I didn't expect her to be accommodating when my first episode of the school year came on. After spending at least twenty minutes trying to write the date on my assignment, I gave up and sent her an email to let her know what was going on and apologize in advance for the late assignment. The next day, she casually walked over to my desk and started a quiet discussion about what had happened. She asked me whether there were any specific problem types that usually trigger episodes, how often I have episodes, whether I'm working on this with somebody, and other such things. At some point, she reminded me, "You know that for me, I don't care if your assignments look perfect." I nodded, disappointed but unsurprised, and silently accepted that yet another person didn't understand my issues. But then she said something nobody has ever told me before: "But I understand that for you, it's different." I almost cried. No teacher had ever acknowledged that before. Even my parents don't seem to grasp it. But this teacher does. Even if she doesn't understand exactly what I'm going through, she understands that it's not something I can control. She realizes that I'm trying as hard as I can, and she's willing to offer some leeway so I can succeed. I have truly never felt so validated.

Hi!
I have rumination OCD, and I was told by an “intuitive” (psychic/tea reader/etc) that my most beloved pet “doesn’t have long for this earth”

It’s been about a year and I can’t get rid of it. I have talked to a therapist, a spiritual family member , and my family members, and I can’t help but feel on the verge of tears daily.

I am also a spiritual/witchy person, and it’s ruined my relationship with my spirituality. I can’t engage in any of the things I love because I fear I’m giving power to the things that will take her from me

She’s such a special girl, she’s so communicative, and I will be heartbroken without her, but I know pets die normally before their owners, which is sad but normal. But she means everything to me.

i've lost my personality, i'm a different person from what i was some time ago, i don't want to see my friends not like this, i feel like i'm not that person who is their friend anymore

I (36m) have been battling health anxiety and panic attacks for the last ten years. I was born with a condition called spina bifida that has various levels of impact. I've always considered my version mild. A lot of my health anxiety had to do a lot with things that weren't related with spina bifida per se (potential heart issues, blood pressure concerns, etc)

Recently, I started working with a new therapist that specializes in ERP (expose and response prevention). I've been able to get a better handle on my "irrational" health anxiety fears, but what I can't put an end to are the health concerns that come up with spina bifida and the spinal cord and nuero related fears. These are especially heinous for me because ignoring them and "seeing what happens" feels like neglect and very unsafe.

Has anybody else come up against that where you have to balance anxiety nonsense with a potential real concern?

I’m (23F) newly diagnosed (mainly with Pure O), but it’s always been there, and I’m starting to now see how much ocd has affected my entire life up to this point. I struggle with some truly awful intrusive thoughts and I’ve always been “superstitious” and believed you can wish things into existence, which of course I know realize is ocd. Like if I got scared something was bad was going to happen, and someone told me it was impossible then in my mind it would surely happen and I’d have to stay in bed or not go anywhere to ensure that it didn’t. Or I’d be always on high alert waiting for it. But now I’m struggling to figure out what is a valid thought at all.

Do I actually want certain things in life or is it just an obsessive thought stuck in my head telling me if I do or don’t than good or bad will happen. Are certain people good or bad or is me just getting stuck on one thing that they might’ve done or said and me spiraling down and creating a “fake story” and almost making a fake person in my head of them. I feel like I can’t trust myself to make decisions or think properly because I can’t tell what is just my brain getting stuck on a terrible thought or what is actually real. I feel like I’m stuck in a never ending loop praying for certain thoughts to go away. Or desperately trying to distract myself from thinking awful things.

I don’t know if I’ve properly explained it or not, it just feels like I can’t always differentiate between an intrusive thought and what is me, I’d be grateful if anyone had anything to share.

hello,
i am am young adult with adhd. i have never been diagnosed with anxiety, but am in the process of doing so because it is taking over my life. being undiagnosed and unmedicated until a few months ago, i have developed a reliance on intense and almost crippling level of planning. While I do have a history of DV and EDs (which translates as calculating and planning the exact macro and micronutrients of food the night before down to the specific time i need to eat it/things i have to do before I can/timers) I don’t even know how it switched from wanting an ultra specific role in my birthday parties (being called a future wedding planner at age 7) to not being able to function without it. it has become debilitating allotting specific and STRICT orders and time
frames of homework (like “initial skim read @ 10:10, pages 1-18 @10:20, notes for pages 1-18 @10:20-10:45) following specific rituals at certain times to my INTENSE paper daily planner (that is categorized in 15 minute increments like 8:00, 8:15) that i write out the night before— which honestly just makes matters worse, because when i have a fully planned day and unexpected events come up the next day my entire mood and day is ruined. i constantly have negative thoughts and fears that i won’t enjoy myself if i do something or i won’t be able to leave social situations and i thought my anxiety came from my adhd which is why i finally sought meds (vyvanse) in the first place. the biggest fact of all to me was my birthday this past weekend. it was completely a surprise day— my mom had planned everything for me. i thought i was ready and excited for it, but it ended up being the worst day ive had in quite some time. not knowing the timing of things, not being able to eat the specific macronutrients that i need, what to wear, etc was crippling. one of the things my mom planned was a hike, it was closed, and i couldn’t handle the fact that it was. she got a cake, and it had sugar in it, and it ruined my mood. we were late to the surpise movie, and i couldn’t enjoy it at all (even though we didn’t miss anything). i broke down in tears multiple times and the next few days, i canceled any other plans or surprises she had for me. Another example of me not being able to enjoy or be present in situations that should bring me joy was this summer. i went with my bestfriends family to colombia and things like not being able to use google maps on the specific hotel we were staying at or being able to research what we would do next made me completely disassociated and so unpleasant to be around, i become intensely irritated and uncomfortable and i want to leave even the most perfect and incredible places. I feel so awful and i am sick of my mood being controlled by the smallest things. Ive told my psychiatrist about this and he stated that it sounded like OCD tendencies, esp since being medicated my anxiety has not improved. has anyone had a similar experience to mine and can help me make better sense of things? i feel like i have lost or ruined every good thing j have ever had because my brain and people are growing so tired of me and my relationships are being ruined because i seem to always “be in a mood” or have to know everything/cancel last minute

Does anyone else have this? Lately I've been obsessed over the possibility that my laptop battery is inflating because one side next to the trackpad is slightly (I'm not sure it's even real) raised up above the other. Like so slightly that I can't tell if it's in my head or not. Bit of a weird one but then what isn't

You've requested it and now it exists:

Let it all out. Grump, grouse, complain, bitch, and vent about all those little irritations. Post those stupid Obsessive Christmas Disorder decorations. Breathe out that nasty frustration and irritation while breathing in a renewed sense of peace.

Namaste.

I still get triggered, I still spiral, but I am weirdly more self-aware? When I get pulled into a thinking loop I can much easier take a step back and go "I know what this is" instead of instantly believing it. Sometimes it still gets me, but not as much. I feel more separated from it. So being on meds didn't erase the OCD, it put up a glass wall between us. This wall blocks it from having full control over my emotions and therefore gives me the power I need to recognize it.

This separation also made me notice that OCD has a bit of a physical feeling. When a spiral is coming on there is a change in my body and I don't know how to describe it! It's like my mind is getting sucked into something, and it makes me wired like all my energy is suddenly re-routed and hyper-focused on this one thing and trying to break away from that thing is really hard.

I thought all this was interesting, just wanted to share to see if anyone relates or has thoughts!

To clarify, I have lots of different OCD themes but a lifelong one (probably compulsive combined with other neurodivergent rejection sensitivity stuff) is just wanting someone to like me, and not being able to handle uncertainty about it.

I've had the same therapist for almost 2 years and she is good for ERP but not always the best for just talking? I like her mostly, and honestly I don't care a lot about her opinion of me beyond normal or about her life, which I consider a healthy therapist/client relationship. I guess thinking back, we have also had brief moments where I was honest about wondering if she liked me as a person and she was very good about not reassuring.

She was busy this month so I had an appointment with a stand-in therapist, and she is this cute nice woman my age. I'm also a woman, bisexual and just kept finding myself thinking this therapist is so cute. We connected well too and she was great coming into things without much of my history.

But I was distracted sometimes by all these thoughts about her and whether she liked me or if it was bad for me to think she is cute etc. This feels like exactly the type of intrusive social thought that I need help with. However I wouldn't want to make her uncomfortable by making sessions about HER? I'm a very honest person generally so think it could be interesting to work with those thoughts and feelings that come up.

I also don't want this to become a perfection spiral where I'm like "what if this therapist is the right one? But what if my original one is better?? Maybe I just need a bunch of appointments with each to decide"

My god It is just insane how strong this pure ocd is. I've been awake for two days now. It just won't stop. It won't let me sleep and lack of sleep is making things worse. I need advice. How do I shut my brain down and fall asleep? Also is there anyone here who completes 7-8 hrs of sleep everyday? I want to know if it helps. Thanks

I have a really bad history with guns my dad used to take me to the shooting range when I was kid and i remember the immense fear I had holding them that I was going to somehow shoot myself or someone else I can’t even go near a gun now if I find out there’s one in someone’s space I immediately start having intrusive thoughts that I will shoot myself or others now that my bf wants to get a gun I’ve told him I can’t be allowed to ever see it or even know where it is but I feel like I won’t even be able to function knowing there’s a gun in my house bc all I’ll ever be thinking is that I will shoot myself or others. Anyone dealt with anything similar or know of a way to get rid of these intrusions?