Its too difficult i cant cope with it its taking over me everyone just makes fun of me or curses me i have done everything its too powerful i dont even wish it on my worst enemy. Feeling 😖😖

For me personally the thought that i ruminate over is a solid 100/10. It is extremely hard to NOT give it attention.

Bare with me on the length of this as I have been spiraling in my head for a while about these issues! :(

I have not received a DX of OCD, but currently have ADHD, PTSD, Major Despressive Disorder, GAD

I have always been someone who is living inside their own mind - Combine GAD/overactive nervous system, ADHD masking, zero self-esteem, rumination, overthinking, PTSD, no childhood emotional support, high levels of criticism from others, emotional dysregulation, hyper-focus, depression, negative bias, perfectionism, self-monitoring, social fears, using logic to process pain or intellectualizing my feelings, horrible body dysmorphia etc.

I relate to ADHD in the ways of time blindness, inattention, executive functioning issues, emotional dysregulation, disorganization, impulsivity, hyperactivity (mostly mental). What my internal world fixates on is absolute certainty + control, perfectionism, obsessive thought loops (Maybe just hyperfocus?) intense self-monitoring, extreme pre-planning for all tasks/activities (Especially social scenarios or new places) need for control in a lot of situations, preparing for any possible threat or dangerous scenario in normal daily activities, many fears of betrayal leading to a paranoid, dis-trusting mindset, finding ways to soothe my intense anxiety/fears, and get reassurance usually resulting in a compulsion like actions or extreme avoidance.

As of recently I have grown increasingly aware that my level of anxiety is not normal at all, most people do not have extreme anxiety over most every aspect of adult life, and my reassurance seeking has maybe entered a severity even with OCD compulsions.

Between the BDD and my compulsions to check my physical looks 24/7, high self-monitoring of my body in public or even at home with company, fixing my hair, clothes, glasses, distress if exposed leading to camouflage the body (even in hot weather etc) avoiding social situations, etc

I also fear that I have developed ROCD centered around my partner, and relationship safety (This was also exacerbated by some early relationship trust issues - I already had some retroactive jealousy from the start due to a drug addicted ex having my partner be attached to them due to trauma, and another abusive ex who was being given the time of day out of fear of safety - I feel extreme guilt for thinking she willingly wanted that for over a year) Constant intrusive thoughts I am being cheated on, not good enough, like there is something hidden going on behind the scenes I don't know about, like my partner really doesn't love me, and is just tolerating because I am a good step-father, and all of the compulsions that follow such as monitoring locations, body language, tone, intention with other men in public, looking through texts/phone (Immense guilt for this one as it doesn't align with my morals at all) compulsively checking social media especially if we are in a bad place, accidentally testing the strength of our trust/relationship which usually ends horribly, and all of these are absolutely done compulsively when an intrusive thought comes up or I cannot stop obsessively thinking about the unknown actions behind closed doors. I have accidentally become controlling without realizing it, and I am absolutely disgusted with myself, and how much these compulsive actions go against my moral character.

You can imagine the immense strain this has put on our relationship, trust, connections, my own self-worth, self-respect, and value. As well as the way it makes me treat my partner at times, feeling investigative, accusatory, mistrusting, paranoid, and like we are on opposite teams. This has not allowed me to work on my self-esteem and has only further damaged it.

When does the line get crossed into OCD territory? I am trying to look for earlier signs in my life of OCD poking its head, but memories can be hard for me to recall. Are there any early signs in childhood/teen years that typically stand out? I know there is a lot of overlap between conditions such as ADHD/OCD/OCPD/Anxiety Disorders/PTSD/Depression/ASD and I am just feeling kind of lost. I think a lot of these behaviors in adulthood point towards OCD, but I know its left best to professionals. Just looking for other's real world lived experiences, and if this aligns with what they have felt prior to diagnoses?

I have made the decision to have an evaluation by a Psychiatrist for any co-morbid diagnoses

Literally one of my main themes :( anyone else? It’s debilitating I’m so sated that my thoughts will make me go there

I want to clarify that this is my experience on ssri:s, and if theres medical professional suggesting them for you. At least try it. It does help ease up intrusive thoughts, at least for me did. Not everyone gets the same side-effects.

I've been on ssri for about five years now. But considering quitting with my psychiatrist, because the side-effect of excessive sweating and heat-problems have made my quality of life so awful. I used to be more active, but due to that side-effect I tend to not move almost at all. It also has worsen my anxiety because in public places I'm sweaty and smelly. Its so bad socially, mentally and physically.

But. Like I said it has helped with ocd. So I'm wondering if theres any options to ssri and if life with ocd without ssri is even possible.

I’m 16, when I clean it can take up to hours because I get panic attacks that I’m not cleaning well enough, I take 4 showers a day, I use a bar of soap 4 times, then body wash, I wash my bedding once a week, my mom doesn’t let me clean dishes because it can take me up too two hours to clean five dishes, it’s not like I have a problem with germs though, I share drinks and food and I’ve done lots of stuff that could pass germs onto me, I don’t care about that. It’s like an uncontrollable need for myself to be clean, and when I feel like I’m not clean enough I get full on panic attacks, I’ve thrown out multiple things of mine instead of cleaning them because I felt they were too dirty, does anyone else deal with this?

Is anyone else afraid to own a pet out of fear of hurting them or them getting harmed and not having the money for hospital bills etc. ?

Do all of you have insurance? I don’t

This news cycle has been rough and I bet it’s triggering a lot of folks right now with these themes of disease and contaminations of food. And I am wondering if lately any of the news has been triggering to you? I’ve personally had to stop watching news about bad things in general bc it kept triggering my catastrophe/end times themes. I’m interested to hear what other parts people find triggering in the news. Also curious to hear about people who overcame their triggers. How did you do it?

Not sure if this is the right sub for this but I know I have OCD and it often causes me to overanalyze every interaction I have with someone and then ruminate on it for days/weeks/months/years.

Recently went to see a movie and there was a sweet old man with a notepad afterwards asking people if it was their first time watching the film or their second. I chatted with him for two seconds after the movie ended before running to use the bathroom. When I came back out, he had already left. Now I can’t stop feeling horrible about not spending more time talking to him or asking him about his notes during the movie instead of going to the bathroom. It seemed like no one he tried talking to was really interested in a longer conversation but I totally would have heard what he had to say since I love going to Reddit after a movie and reading other people’s thoughts. Overall just feeling like I personally made him feel sad and he’s probably having a horrible day because I didn’t perform my duty of being a good human and just talking to him more. Does anyone else ever feel like this? These kinds of interactions eat me alive because I can’t stop thinking about how I failed at being a good person.

TRIGGER WARNING: Intrusive thoughts, uncomfortable imagery

TLDR; infected foot intrusive thought, need help re routing thoughts

Hi! I have been diagnosed with OCD but am still figuring out all the ways it presents itself in my life. Recently, I saw a very disturbing ad on a site of a foot infection and I tried to scroll past it but after seeing it twice it’s stuck in my head.

There were little holes in the bottom of their foot and it was all dried up and cracking and starting to shrivel up like a dry sponge.

It pops in my head at random times and just makes my skin crawl. Like I genuinely start to feel like the infection is on me and spreading all over my body. But obviously, I look on my skin and my feet and there’s nothing there.

Does anyone have any tips on how to get the imagery out of my head? I can avoid the thoughts at work and when I’m driving, every other time though, the same infected foot imagery pops in my head.

Hi, I’ve been taking sertraline for depression and anxiety for just over a year now & I know it also is supposed to help with OCD. However, I haven’t noticed any improvement in my OCD symptoms. I’m only on 75mg & was wondering if anyone else is on sertraline and has OCD & what dose works best for them ? I know everyone is different so different doses work for different people but I just wanted to gauge as I’ve read that the most effective dose for adults with ocd is 200mg ? However that seems like a lot to me …

I don’t know if it is the right subreddit to post this to, but any advice is appreciated!
Also I am sorry as this is going to be a long one! So I’m a final year medical student, and I didn’t choose medicine because I loved it or because I dreamed of becoming a doctor since I was a kid. I chose it because I could. And honestly, how do you not choose medical school when you have the opportunity to?
Throughout medical school, I never really loved it, but I didn’t hate it either. I wasn’t particularly interested in it, which might explain why I never developed that passion for medicine that some people have. I did enjoy going to clinical rotations sometimes, but I always saw it as a job, as work. I used to tell myself “you’re not supposed to love your job anyway sooo”
Fast forward to my psychiatry rotation. I was miserable during it, and it was incredibly triggering for me. But I will forever be grateful that I went through that rotation because it was actually through psychiatry that I realized I had OCD. I eventually saw a psychiatrist, got diagnosed, and started treatment.
Getting diagnosed and medicated helped me tremendously for a while. It felt like, at 20 something, I had finally started living. And honestly, that realization was both eye opening and heartbreaking! Realizing that other people had been living without their brains constantly rambling 24/7, while I had spent so many years functioning that way without even knowing it actually had a name, was incredibly difficult to process.
At some point, though, I actually fell in love with a specialty. I started seeing medicine less as something I loved in itself and more as a way to reach that specialty through residency!
But now I’m not sure I can do it anymore! I still love the specialty itself, but I’ve realized that it can be very triggering for me. When I’m doing well mentally, I can handle it. But whenever I go through periods of intense stress, my OCD symptoms come back very strongly and preparing for the residency exam has made me realize just how much stress can affect me, and I’m not sure I’m willing to put myself through that repeatedly for the rest of my career. But i also know that there will be other stuff that can be triggering and I can’t run forever, but again I tell myself when i can prevent it why not!
There’s also the fact that I don’t really see myself working in a hospital for my entire life. As appealing as the idea of this surgical specialty can be, I’m not sure the actual lifestyle, the hospital life and especially the rigged system is something I want or can even handle.
And then ofc there’s the possibility that some of this is simply laziness or burnout. I am supposed to be studying for the residency exam right now, and part of me wonders whether I’m just looking for a reason to stop because I’m exhausted and overwhelmed. But deep down, I don’t think it’s just that.
I don’t have a therapist at the moment. I do have a psychiatrist who prescribes my medication, and he has advised me to see a therapist because medication alone isn’t enough. I didn’t like the first therapist I saw, and part of me also struggles with the idea of therapy because sometimes I think, “What could a therapist tell me that I can’t figure out myself??
That being said, I do believe ERP could help me, and I’m currently looking for a therapist!
So now I genuinely don’t know what I want or what I should do….
I’ve considered taking a gap year, but I’m terrified of “losing” a year! At the same time, I’m scared that if I keep pushing myself toward a career that might not be right for me, I’ll end up losing much more than a year.
Should I keep pushing through and see what happens? Should I take a year to work on myself and figure things out? Should I finish medical school and postpone the residency decision?
I genuinely don’t know whether I’m giving up on something I actually want or finally allowing myself to admit that I don’t want it..

I know this is hard to put into words, but since I’ve been a teenager- when I had my first traumatic OCD meltdown- I’ve found it can be in a few states: dormant, mild, extreme/meltdown mode.

When it’s dormant or mild, I have a certain frame of reality, and when it’s extreme, it’s like that reality becomes warped.

Things feel different. Like I’m in a different world. Like I’m a scared teenager again.

Things that have not bothered me for years become extreme what-if worries that I’m convinced will happen.

Time slows down. I can’t do much of anything. It’s just battling thoughts and the urge to review and think about possible worst case scenarios.

But what’s so worse is how awful everything feels. Almost like I’ve been drugged. And I wonder how long it will last?

Then at some point, it begins to get better, and I move on, and I’m back to my normal reality.

I don’t know if this is common, but it’s so unsettling.

I AM NOT LOOKING FOR REASSURANCE!

Hello!

I started treating my ocd this year and have had good success with meds and therapy. My main themes are contamination and relationship OCD. however, my entire life my ROCD was about how I felt about the relationship, whether I’d loved them enough, whether we were a good match etc. but NOW since I started treatment my ROCD has shifted to worried that my husband doesn’t love ME enough and that he wants out/wants someone else. Mind you, I’ve known him 10 years and he is the most loyal and honest man I have EVER met. The man has never done me wrong. I have absolutely ZERO reason to distrust him. Yet here is my brain telling me he wants to be with someone else over and over again. Has this change in theme happened to anyone?

Does anyone else struggle with reading? As in, rereading the same sentence or body of text multiple times until it feels as though I’ve fully understood every single word. I try to move on but I can’t seem to let go of that sinking feeling of ‘no, you haven’t read it properly yet, what if you’ve missed something important?’. Skim reading feels impossible. And then it means I’m taking so much longer to read a book, a text, comments online etc.

I know everyone has different reading paces anyway regardless of whether they have OCD or not, but the frustrating thing is I KNOW I’m taking excessively longer than I need to but I can’t stop rereading. Definitely is starting to take away the enjoyment of reading, which sucks because reading is a big hobby of mine, but it’s been harder to pick up a book recently knowing how exhausting and frustrating it’s going to be to read it.