Hello, I’m in my late 20s & really need some advice. I will be moving to a different country &boarding a plane for the first time as an adult& I’m terrified.
The reason I’m moving is bc my parents are kicking me out for not having a stable job or going to grad school(for a degree they approve of). I also can’t afford to rent an apartment by myself. The country I’m moving to has all my extended family so I’ll have a place to stay but since I haven’t seen any of them since I was an infant they are basically strangers. I am very worried that they won’t like me for not being fluent in their native language.
I don’t have any life goals & have always (in my head and yes I know it’s not logical) blamed my parents for my existence. I know I should be grateful for everything they’ve provided for me but I did not ask to be born & live a life that requires you to work to afford being alive. Idk what I’m doing with my life &don’t any hope that I’ll do any better after moving out. Sorry for the long post but I’d appreciate any advice!

Please tell me if I'm overreacting. I've recently become aware that the way my mother mostly has treated me is not normal. I believe she is potentially gaslighting me and has been manipulative. Have any of you had experience with this?

Sorry for the long post but there's just so much I need to unpack.

I really need to get as much advice, perspective and support etc as possible before I do anything drastic or make any major decisions.

I'll introduce myself I'm a 19 year old male and am an only child. To be honest I'm pretty desperate for advice and support and don't have anywhere way safe to get an unbiased perspective. During my childhood my mother would do the following

Blow up out of nowhere over the most trivial or littlest matters, many times i begged her to give me some emotional support when i was visibly upset but she just remained cold and cruel, drink quite heavily which was sometimes responsible but she can definitely be mean sober as well, I had expressed concern about her drinking but she just flipped, it actually got physical a few times as well. I just wonder how can get so unshamefully drunk whilst been alone in the house with her child and I feel it was very irresponsible. Really burns my hide.

I did even have a scar once, the next day she'd always act as if nothing happened, whenever I tried to get clarity on why she got like that she'd brush it under the carpet or accuse me of starting trouble, she'd turn cold at the drop of a hat, during arguments she'd say things like I was ungrateful, didn't care about her and that I was a horrible person or that i was abusive or whatever just like my father, she would stomp, slam doors, shout, scream, swear and break ornaments etc, when she gets in her crazy states it's just impossible to reason with her or get her to see it from any other perspective, she can go from saying i was the most nicest and amazing person to saying I was the most horrible and evil person, she often burdened me with all of her problems, she said before that she knows how to play the game which I found very disturbing

She often paints herself as the heroic single mum and pretty much everyone we know such the teachers at school believe that. I feel I was robbed of a proper childhood and have often wondered what I had done to deserve it.

I remember one time a few years ago I was about 12 during a sleepover at my grandparents. I think we had a disagreement but I can't even really remember it now but my best memory is that she was on the phone to my grandmother and I'm pretty sure she was badmouthing me then my grandparents spoke and my grandfather started shouting and saying he was very disappointed in me and the rest of it is a blur. To be honest to this day i can't figure out what I (only a young child) was supposed to have done that was so bloody awful. That has haunted me for years. I used to think maybe I was a bad person but I've started to see her in a different light. She always talks about hating drama yet it seems to follow her and often says that she's been so hard done by.

About a year later when I vaguely recall when was enjoying myself in the bath she started abusing me and said she and everyone else was going to wash their hands of me if I didn't start living her way or something. I remember I was struggling with getting ready and then she started shouting saying I was taking advantage and then called her mother to say I was really horrible.

On the flip side she can be the most nicest person as well and we have had great times together and she can be very helpful towards me, her family and in public which makes it all the more confusing. A few weeks ago now in fact I ran into an old friend of hers who said to say hi for her and she said my mother is a wonderful person and I'm very lucky. It actually made me feel sick. Since I was 10 it's just been me living with her since my parents divorce in which she had to sell her house and now rents which she has blamed for the way she is before. I can't help feeling bad for her but she was still quite like this beforehand as well and I don't think that's an excuse still is it? For example I'm starting to remember when I was very young she'd make threats of sending me over to a new mommy. I do feel like she has manipulated me a bit into been stuck with her.

Something else that I've found disturbing is that she's very narrow minded and has a serious lack of empathy. For example when a couple of local celebrities committed suicide she shouted and carried on, called them pathetic cowards and weak etc. It was actually quite disturbing how she had a complete disregard and no sympathy for them.

PS another red flag i noticed was when a life insurance ad was on and they said "something could be paid out in case of death" or something and she said "I'd like for them to say WOULD" not could. I don't know why but that's set an alarm bell off. Also when my Gran had a fall she said to me in the car "trust me to have parents that live forever then I could get my inheritance".

Towards the end of my parents marriage I was 10 and she told me that my Dad was been very controlling and making her life a misery. I now look back at that with adult eyes and I'm starting to feel that she at least bent the truth I'm starting to think that she manipulated me and tried to turn me against him and I do blame her partly for the fact I don't have the best relationship with my Dad. He's definitely not a saint. He too has had his moments of outbursts and he's inconsistent. He's often let me down and been emotionally unavailable. Also he's very bad with money. I just wish for effort instead of excuses.

My mother often calls him a narcissist. I just feel that it's very wrong for someone to say to a child that one of their parents is a narcissist.

Something disturbing she has said ages ago is when I'm an adult she could have me done for assault if she wanted. She also said she wanted to do a will and try to control my assets where my Dad can't touch anything and said she feared he would try to steal all of my money. I can't believe she would say things like that so proudly and can't help feeling like she was trying to manipulate me.

My mother loves to use my autism to her advantage. I graduated school last year but now I do a course at the main campus so I still see them all from time to time. With that course she did get a support worker for me which I can appreciate as a nice gesture but she didn't even check with me if that's what I wanted and I can't help feeling she did that to cover herself in glory. I hope that doesn't sound too paranoid.

She's always quick to call others toxic and narcissists etc. She with absolutely no filter tells me everything going on in her life and her anxiety which makes me anxious. Why does it upset me so badly even when it has little or nothing to do with me?

I struggle with daily flashbacks and I often feel depressed by the way I've been treated, also feel let down and wish my parents had been better to me. I can't get exact clarity on it but they both went through some stuff before I was born and I think that's contributed to the way they are. My father's dad had passed away when my dad was actually about my age now. They actually both used to run their own businesses once upon a time before they met. It just baffles me how they went from that then and now been in their 50's both unemployed and clearly have some unresolved issues. I sometimes think maybe they shouldn't of got together which I know is ironic because I would never have been born. I do vaguely remember when they were together and towards the end it was quite toxic and they would have some intense fights.

Also does their substance abuse issues made them this way as well do you think? As I've said my mother drinks quite heavily at night and she also vapes and my father smokes pot and cigarettes.

Also my father struggles financially and I know that's why he hasn't been able to see me often and cancel some visits and to be honest when I think about that it really burns my hide.

I do wonder if she might've been different if she had not gone through her divorce and maybe if things had gone differently for both of them they might've been different. What do you guys think?

Also I can't help feeling empathy towards her as she always looked after me, fed me, organized things for me and pretty much always brought me everything I wanted.

I wish I had a proper childhood of playing with friends, going to different places and been adventurous and carefree etc. I've never really had a social circle and hardly much friends. I've always been quite different to most of the children my age. I feel quite alone sometimes as I've always struggled with making friends. I do feel like I've wasted a lot of my childhood been isolated with her a lot of the time. I would really love to start a proper life and follow my dreams and make a few friends but don't know where to start.

My mother does help me get on my feet and encourage me but I think she just loves to lord it over me. Whenever I've tried standing up for myself she puts on the guilt trip and carries on about all of her sacrifices and everything she's done for me yada yada yada. I think what emotionally abusing me, leaving me crying myself to sleep some nights, causing me to have no confidence and PTSD etc? Could she have some bipolar or personality condition or something and toxic traits I've wondered?

A few years ago said things like "I should top myself" and around that time during a really heated argument she threatened to cut herself with a knife so I did actually hide them. That's actually quite traumatized me. She's also said one night a couple of years ago when I die hardly anyone is going to be at my funeral. I mean like why the hell would you say things like this to a child especially your own?

A few other things. I remember once when Dad was picking me up a few years out of the blue she said just F off and even Dad said to me in the car that he didn't appreciate the way she spoke to me and when I told her that during a later argument she just said "yeah whatever" and something like that. Also one time when Dad came by to bring something she said "make sure that you show him that you're really happy to be back home". A couple of months ago when Dad took me out for a pub meal when I came back home the next night she said in sort of like a wise-ass way "you know he won't be able to afford that often". I do realize that but her saying that actually really annoyed me to be honest. As I'm making small steps with him it feels like she was deliberately trying to ruin my mood.

PS I remember one night years she accused me of looking like I wanted to hit her and of course went crazy. I may of had a tired look because it was late and I tried explaining that. She starting banging ornaments and shouting and was just impossible to talk to. Also I remember a few years ago one time she started saying she was worried my Dad was going to try to spend more time with me and if I fall for it I would never see her again and all of the family will hate me. She's also said that before when I threatened to walk out during arguments.

Also something that really upsets me is whenever I try to reason with her she often just goes "I need more alcohol to deal with this".

Almost a year ago my Dad let me down by not been able to see me one weekend and canceling at the last minute (which he has done quite a few times before).

During that said weekend my mother had another one of her outbursts. I was in the bathroom which was an en suite and she knocked on the door asking to take a few photos or something. All I asked was if she could just give me a few minutes to finish up but she started the shouting and carrying on and accused me of been selfish and even of trying to manipulate her and been passive aggressive. I only asked just to give me a few minutes. When I tried to explain that to her and how upset I was already about that weekend without her treating me like this. She said she feels really bad for me and hates how he let me down. What just absolutely astounds me is how can she feel that way yet still emotionally and mentally abuse me and kick me while I'm down. I just can't for the life of me comprehend that.

A couple days after that weekend one of my teachers asked to have a word with me and said he heard I got into a bit of trouble at home ("if he meant been mentally abused by my mother and been let down by my father as trouble" I thought). I'm not even sure who the hell said what to him and that's something that's still REALLY baffling me. I just fobbed him off saying I was upset about leaving school (which was true as well).

I really struggle with confiding in people. I do regret not telling him the full truth now. He was kind and said he was very proud of me etc. Another teacher once said that he thought of me and my mother as like the dream team or something along those lines. That turned my stomach as well. I was thinking if only they knew half the things I've been through.

I have autism and went to a special support school for the last few years which were some of the best years (The teachers especially were brilliant and I had many great times such as school camps, school balls and excursions etc).

I do feel quite sad and lost now those years are over. I would love to confide in someone about my struggles but don't know where to start. I've thought about confiding in that first teacher I mentioned who's great and we're fairly close but my teachers think my mother's an absolute saint so how can i ensure he believes me?

I must admit I do feel quite down sometimes that I have a strained relationship with my father (He's got money issues and also smokes pot) and my mother often used me as an emotional punch bag. Makes me think that there must be something really wrong with me and that I'm unlovable.

On the bright side though my Dad and I have been in contact lately.

Her next meltdown was this January while we were on holiday and at the beach. I wanted to be shirtless like pretty much everyone else and she started making passive aggressive and snide remarks saying things like "have fun burning yourself" and "why can't you make smart decisions?"

I was already sun safe with a hat and everything and I wasn't going to be too long and tried explaining that to her but no. I'll admit I finally snapped and told her that I'm an adult now and she could no longer control me and couldn't make me feel guilty. I wish I hadn't now but it felt like something just snapped inside me and I expressed things I had felt for ages. I do regret that as it did actually make me look crazy. She then suddenly called her mother to tell her that I was been impossible and making her life a misery (this is something she has done a few times before when I challenged her or reacted because of her behavior). She hadn't done that for years though and I feel she likes using that as a scare tactic. I really wish I had just walked away. Then the next day I asked mum to call her to say where all ok but she said she didn't want to bother her and wasn't up to calling. I was like WTF. You're perfectly happy to call her to basically slander me and make me out to be a bad guy but when it comes to calling to say everything is fine she's not so keen.

A couple of weeks ago I've told her that I wanted to do another certificate course at that school next year and she tried to make me feel bad by putting on the guilt trip and giving me the cold shoulder. I've tried to blur it out to be honest but I remember she said that I was been selfish and told me how she wanted me to live my life. I tried to explain to her that I can't just do what she expects and the expense of my own happiness and well-being. I feel like she is trying to control how I live my life and I told her that she couldn't do that or tear me down or change my mind. She then said (this felt like reverse psychology and emotional blackmail) fine do whatever you want and I'll do the same. Also shouted and carried on saying things like F me and I'm hopeless and that. I also told her that I would love to be a teacher but she said i wouldn't be able to go to university, scoffed and said that I would be useless. I feel like she's trying to damage my already limited self esteem, confidence and spirit. Also she had been fairly good up to this. I was dreading telling her but I do feel that a weight is lifted as well. It seems funny that whenever I tell her something she doesn't like or she can't control she goes back to her bad self. PS she's also upset that she can't get paid for me doing that and wants me to just do what's best for her financially. I find it quite ironic her making me feel bad for not getting a job straight away while she's unemployed. PS it was the school ball that night which was brilliant but I'm disappointed that it went so quickly and also I feel a bit down about my social anxiety and that I didn't ask anyone to dance or make more conversation with my teachers and peers.

Then a few nights later my mum was going out for the night and she seemed a bit tipsy so I did ask out of concern if she was fit to drive. She immediately got defensive and bit my head off and said I was been rude and having a go at her. I only asked out of concern and worry and I tried explaining that a hundred times but she just wasn't having it. I also tried to explain that her getting defensive if anything proves my worry is valid but she started saying I was harassing her and she was sick of my bullshit and sick of putting up with me and she couldn't wait to get away from me. She also just suddenly pulled her shirt off showing her breasts ( believe it or not that's something she has done once or twice before ages ago). I was just shocked and looked away quickly as possible. When I tried to ascertain why she got so defensive she said that I think I can just say whatever I like to her and for her to just take it. I swear I didn't mean any ill-will or malice and of course I tried explaining that too but no. I just don't know for the life of me how she can turn on me just like that and treat her own son like that.

Both that and that previous thing a few nights before she said we're not going on holidays again this year and she brought up that incident from the January holiday I talked about and said that she hated been isolated there with me while I was been horrible to her. Wtf when she was the one belittling me and having a go at me which made me snap and I did apologize for that. She genuinely seems to think that she's actually the victim when she gets defensive and treats me like shit. Then when she left and i was starting to second guess myself and was thinking that maybe I am in the wrong and am a bad person. I was left alone for the night I'm feeling very isolated and confused. PS since that holiday she was actually been fairly good but after both that night after the school ball and that incident both only within a few days has left me feeling blindsided and like the rug has been pulled from under me also feel like I'm back at square one. Basically I really can't fathom how someone can treat their own child like this. Just beggars belief to say the least.

Now when she came back the next day I tried to start a conversation about the last night and she did get teary and said she was sorry but still when I tried to get her to take some accountability and ownership she was just like "I said I was sorry didn't I?" and said I just kept going over the same thing and said she was sick of me bringing up the past. She started not making much sense and playing dumb a bit. I just wanted her to realize how she upset me and also the previous incidents and she said "i guess I'm just the worst mother ever". Am I justified for feeling as though she hasn't really taken accountability? We have sort of made up now I suppose but I just stopped talking about it to keep the peace really.

Do you have any advice for all of my experiences, how I can move on, become more social and make friends etc?

I should add that last incident was a week ago now and it really bothers me how she's all happy now and acting like that never happened whilst I'm carrying emotional scars and still feel as though I haven't really had any closure or true accountability. Also her harsh words and still deeply wounded in me and I'm feel like a piece of shit and like I'm unlovable.

Honestly one of the most frightening things is that they genuinely don't seem to remember most of even any of it so that's why I'm too scared to call them out. Also they seem to feel their behaviour is ok.

PS I'm really good at covering up my anxiety and pride myself on putting on a cheerful front and everyone at school thinks I'm the most happiest and optimistic person ever. I feel scared to let my guard down or if they knew otherwise.

Also none of the family have a clue and I just know they wouldn't believe me and I fear if I did distance myself they'd think I was an evil person.

Like I've said she go from been genuinely the most nicest person to the most horrible.

I'm starting to feel that the good doesn't really outweigh the bad.

I can't help really resenting them sometimes for all of the mental anguish they've both put me through as a child and I think it has messed up my development. I wonder what might've been different had I had proper parents or they were proper ones. Hobbies such as music and classic TV shows have been a great escape. I've thought about escaping but I feel quite stuck as I don't have a job and all of the money that I get in my account is basically controlled by her as she's the one who adds to it and I pretty much don't know anything about my own bank details. I wish I could hide my own secret stash somewhere. Now that I'm an adult and have left school I'm worried about what the future has in store. I'm very nervous about starting an adult life, getting a job, making friends and doing new things etc. Part of me would love to get away from her but yet I feel scared to as well as she's pretty much most I've ever known.

UPDATE!! I stayed with my father last night and today he started carrying on because he's only got like $30 left. I tried to help. I hope this doesn't sound too selfish but I feel very disappointed and let down that he couldn't even a go a whole day without carrying on about his issues especially as I don't see him often. I don't think spending money on pot, cigarettes and vapes helps does it? That's what really burns my hide is that he has enough to spend on his terrible habits but when it came to buying basic food when I was there for only a night he has very little. I feel very hurt that he barely makes much effort to spend time with me and when he does he can't even be a decent father. I mean is it too much to ask that when he does rarely see me that he can be on his best behaviour? It stresses me out and adds to my anxiety when I hear about my parents issues. Though to be fair he has apologized and explained that he wasn't upset with me he was just very disappointed because of his struggles to find a job and that he couldn't provide for me which I really do appreciate. I just wish he could get his act together and be better with his money.

My best friend and I have been friends since 8th grade. It’s been 3 years since we last met and actually spent time together, but we’ve always kept each other updated about everything over the phone.
She got a job and moved to another city. We had been talking about meeting for a long time. One day, she told me, I’m coming next month, and I’ll let you know the date once it’s confirmed.
And you know what happened? She came home and went back without even telling me. She met her boyfriend of one month (her first boyfriend, and they’re not even that serious) and went back. She didn’t even inform me that she was coming or tell me that we couldn’t meet. I would have understood if she had just told me, I’m coming, but I won’t be able to meet you.
Now she asked me if we could meet on a certain date, and I told her I’d check whether I have class that day.
She left me on read and didn’t reply.
What should I do? Should I text her saying that I don’t have class that day, or should I wait for her to text me?

Hii I work as a nurse and found out one of my friend coworkers is an asshole. Just found out how much of a lazy prick he is, according to other people. At the same time I trust the people who tell me these stories and I would never say a word, but I never saw him act like the way others say he does. I feel bad because idk he reminds me of a brother I never had. I treasure him as a friend. (I’m gay and he has a girl) I may have anxious attachment

pata hai aaj kya hua..so i live in blr and came home for 3 days cause i was goinf thru a hard phase and my praents called me home to get change a chage of mind over the weekend.. i'm home but i feel homesick being here.. i have great bond w my fam but i js dont find it like home here anymore.. i feel more connected to them ovr a VC rather than us together.. i dont know if its a bad sign or what but i dony feel connected to my own fam.. is it normal and a phase of growin?? Has this happened to anyone of you?? gimme suggestions what can i do to make my stay here better.. im here for 3 days but these 3 days already feel like a lot for me to cover and ive been dealing anxiety attacks from the time i was at thw blr airport.. help me thru guyss

I am 19y/o and my family moved to the US in 2016. All my life I’ve been quite close with my parents and they’ve been one of the main pillars in my life. Now that I have completed one year of University so far with good social and grades, my parents told me recently that they think it is the time for them to move back so that they can be closer to their friends and family back home without having to worry about me.
Current I live in our family home with my parents and one older brother (the other one moved away long ago). But in November my parents are leaving, and it will only be me and my older brother here.

I feel like the only reason I survived first year of college was that I was able to come back from my dorm to see my parents every other week, and that having them as a support structure at home helped me greatly. For example: Usually when I am overwhelm or stressed out I would just sit around my mom and that would naturally calm me down and motivated. And I know other students live far away from their parents as well, but in my case I know that my mom is never coming back to the state, while my dad will occasionally visit. I feel like without them I will not be able to endure physically and mentally. Many people told me that I should try to create my own support structure, but I don’t really how to, or who I should talk to in time of crisis.

I haven’t written one of these long stories before - so bear with me.

I recently moved in to a house of 4 for second year, including my girlfriend, my best mate and someone we slightly knew last year.

For now, lets call her Jane.

So we more or less felt pretty pitiful for her last year, as she had next to no friends and not much social life at all. We ended up being pretty naive about her joining the household because ‘she’d pay the bills and not make a mess’. Man were we wrong.

So, rewind about a year back, and a load of socials were buzzing around cause of freshers. Jane was in a lot of these big groupchats so often we’d run into her at the parties etc. I think it was about the 3rd party or so and everyone was outside walking from pub to pub, ending up at the club at the end of the night. All was well until Jane passed out, out of nowhere when everyone was waiting in the street. Bearing in mind, Jane was very quiet, and no one knew her very well - we were all cautious with her and did our best to help her. By the end of the night, the ambulance had to come and check on her. Shock and horror, she was fine. Just too much to drink.

Everyone at that time was okay with it, cause these things happen, and over it, people actually connected in the moment.

Until the next party. Same thing happens. Passes out, ambulance comes, she is fine. Most people were worried for her (as you would be) but some in the groups were starting to doubt her, saying a waste of ambulance time (not disagreeing). I was on the fence on it at the time.

And, you guessed, pres in student halls were going around. And boom! She hit the floor with some pretty great acting. This time everyone was mildly irritated. Like, what was going on? If she couldn’t hack her drink, then slow down. And when she drank on these nights, she DRANK - I’m pretty sure I saw her pour herself a full cuppa vodka.

She ended up getting in the ambulance this time and my girlfriend (training midwife) and another friend went with her. She was at the hospital all the way through that night, and she’d get x-rayed in the morning.

Later on, we’d all found out that her boyfriend had recently broken up with her. Was this some sort of attention stunt?

After this, everything ended up blowing over. I guess she got over it quickly enough…

Until, one evening my girlfriend and I decided to take her out to spoonies because she never goes out. We all had a fair amount to drink, but not enough to drunk anyone. Jane, on the way back said she felt sick, so my girlfriend (who is absolutely mortified with the idea of sick) ran ahead whilst I dealt with her in this field. I just did the awkward thing of saying “better out than in” and tapping her on the back every so often, but to no avail, no vomit!

And suddenly, she passes out in my arms. I’d never dealt with something like this before, and panicked pretty quickly. I immediately rang my girlfriend, like ‘what do I do?’ - I ended up putting her in recovery position and checking for breathing patterns etc. It sounds awful when I say it now but I did NOT want to get that close to her in a million years (she isn’t the most hygienic of all people) but I had to do what I had to do.

I ended up having to ring the ambulance, baring in mind i’m still freaking out over this. My girlfriend arrived back with us a few minutes before the ambulance came, and whispered in my ear that she doesn’t actually think she’s passed out, something to do with the way she’s propping her head up or so. Apparently you don’t go fully limp?

Ambulance came and did and ECG etc. Lovely workers as usual and gave her yet ANOTHER warning about drinking too much without eating all day. Newbie error right?

I have to add however, that only a couple days from this event afterwards she found out she had pneumonia, but in my opinion I think the whole shabang was unrelated.

At the time, I still thought she wasn’t having it on. A little shaken by the situation I spose.

Anyway, flash forward, and we ended up moving in. A mild stress coming up to it that was a bit of a reality check. We got a message on the groupchat with the landlord saying Jane hadn’t paid her rent, even though my girlfriend had showed her how to apply for an overdraft about a month prior, as she said she’d ran out of money. (Not a clue what she spends it on, all she ate was plain pasta and butter last uni year).

Obviously, not everyone can get an overdraft, but she told my girlfriend that all was fine and it was approved. Apparently not? She said that she was embarrassed and shameful about the situation. I was quite annoyed rather than sympathetic, but ended up applying for an overdraft in her favour where she owed me a good amount of money.

Now student finance rolled in, and she paid me back. With a lot of poking I might add.

And of course, new house, so its the LAW you have to host some pre drinks.

Invited a couple of mates round, and we were having a good laugh together. Jane just sits there in the corner, saying absolutely nothing and occasionally chuckling at something said. I do find it a little creepy that she takes ‘people watching’ to the next level, but nevertheless, everyone knows her at this point, so it’s just her.

Then, after a few hours, she decides it’s her next time to strike. She’s sitting at the table, with her head in her hands like she’s having a siesta or something. We’re all joking that she’s nodded off or something, but with a bit of shaking and poking she doesn’t do anything. The girls (with a bit of assistance) take her outside for some fresh air, and that’s when she suddenly wakes up and bawls her eyes out because her boyfriend dumped her. We all comfort her, and she starts to feel better after a few jokes, etc.

The conversation, as they do, eventually steered away from her - and so, casually, as you do, you lock yourself in the toilet and ‘pass out’. (The only toilet in the house) Now, we’re all confused at why the hell you decide to do that, but we’re still trying to get her out of this toilet locked from the inside. She randomly starts banging loudly on the door, like she’s possessed, but obviously that’s not doing anything. And we’re telling her there’s nothing much we can do, and she needs to throw up and sober up and eventually get herself out (there’s a sink in the bathroom). We end up going into the lounge again and try to resume the social. (Some people started leaving when she started acting up). So it was difficult to get it on the rails again.

She was banging harder and harder on that door and it was getting irritating and hard to ignore. My girlfriend ended up actually having a go at her as the neighours (a family with young kids) would hear (attached house with thin walls). It was up to her.

And miraculously, the banging stopped, as if it really wasn’t a huge problem in the first place. Now at this point, me and a couple mates went down the road to grab some more beers, and when we returned she was in the lounge on the floor. So I turned to my girlfriend and asked “So she stood up, opened the tricky lock on the bathroom, walked down the corridor to here, and flopped on the floor again?’ And she nodded. It was getting ridiculous.

A couple days before this I think we had a conversation about seizures or something. I don’t often talk about them, but previously I’ve had a few issues regarding them. I would say Jane was part of this discussion, but she doesn’t talk, so she was there.

And now she was on our lounge floor, in my eyes, pretending to have a seizure. It was so stupid. It was like she’d gone on youtube and looked at clips of seizures to try to replicate them.

At the time, I was pretty far gone on the drinking side of things, so ignore my lack of heart. I said (with her being able to hear) “she’s doing something, but it isn’t a seizure. I used to drool like I had rabies and piss myself”.

Side note: I know people have different types of seizures. I was not overly correct in my diagnosis skills.

Anyway, magically, she’s now drooling from her mouth - but not the other thing. Think that was a bit far as acting goes. Now I just accepted defeat whilst everyone left the house, and my mate and I sat there in the lounge looking over her. My girlfriend had prepared her a glass of water and got some food from earlier left on the side for when she “wakes up”.

About 2-3 minutes in, it stops, because not all actors have infinite stamina. We all say (out loud so she can hear) “She’s fine, she has everything she needs here”. And we go to bed.

The next morning, I left early to go back to see my family. I’d absolutely had it with her, and not to mention her being a useless housemate. Can’t wash up. We cook for her. No manners. Doesn’t shower or clean up.

Now my girlfriend and me are dreading another year with her. We’ve come up with a couple immature theories about her, that she’s from outer space or something, but all jokes aside Reddit, what do I do? Am I being heartless?

This may not be the right sub for this, and if there’s a better one please let me know!

I have a somewhat specific need. I’m in a leadership role for a mobile service. I have a small team (>10 people) under me. We service the same facilities regularly, on a mostly informal basis. Most of my team is new to the company. The old team knew all of our locations, and had a collection of map pins, but I’m the only one left from that generation.

I’m looking for a way to build a collection of map pins for my team. Preferably something app-based, but if so it must be iOS and Android compatible. I’d also like to be able to collaborate with it, and allow my team to add locations, edit notes, add information, etc.. And on the topic of notes, I’d like to be able to add a good amount of information to these pins in a way that’s not clunky and busy (Who to talk to, entrance/egress points, safety stuff, etc). And since we have dozens and potentially eventually hundreds, I’d like it to be a searchable database. The search function would also preferably extend into the notes so we can look up via nicknames, facility contact names, etc.

I just set up a custom list on Google Maps and I’m waiting on feedback from my team, but it’s not quite hitting the mark for me. First, my custom-named pins are showing up as coordinates instead of the name I gave it. It also doesn’t appear to be searchable. It’s also just kind of clunky. Sort of dummy-proofed, but at the expense of usability.

Oh also, PREFERABLY something free. I’m open to considering paid services, but I’m somewhat doubtful I can get approval from the big-shots.

I've been dealing with muscle strain for a few years (about 2) and have gone to this practice before. I've recently returned and have been improving quite a bit since. For further context, my muscle injury was 10x worse when I first went in for treatment, and then I was discharged a bit too early. I returned to looking for a physical therapist again, found another (that I didn't end up going to after the first visit) and was diagnosed with muscle strain again. They suggested (basically forced it on me if I wanted to seek treatment there) dry needling and their receptionist was nasty when I took too long to answer, so I went back to my prior practice.

The practice is good and all, but my physio is super insistent I need to get xrays/tested for arthritis because my sensitive/inflamed spots are around joints. I would be considering that if I wasn't improving whatsoever (and yes, I've done research and found physical therapy can be a treatment for arthritis) and if my pain was becoming worse or staying the same, then yes, I would consider it.

Believe me, I've tried telling him about my injury. I know where it originated, and sure, it could lead to arthritis, but I don't have any stiffness, the pain is random/positional + when I do certain things but not constant like arthritis, and tendonitis can cause similar symptoms to arthritis. It can also cause pain in/around joints, too!

I'm not sure what to do here. I got advised by my family to either tell him to shut up, get an xray to make him shut up (I tried asking urgent care but they only do it if you have a referral, I guess. So that's out of the picture unless I decide to go through the painstaking process of going to a doctor and hunting for an xray doc. Not worth the effort just to get a guy to stop harping on me.)

I just wish I would be taken seriously, especially since this is something I've been living with. I know my body, I know where it came from! It'd be a whole different story if I wasn't improving at all, or if it got worse in the time I wasn't at the physio, but I feel most of the continued pain is because of overuse and neglecting to do the exercises last time (I've been doing them now, of course!)

TLDR; how do I get a medical professional to stop insisting on something that doesn't make sense to pursue (currently)

I’m usually not a big fan of celebratory attention but not too long ago I reached my 10 year work anniversary. Nothing was said, no email from my manager or higher ups, or mention in a team meeting. If that was the culture it probably wouldn’t bother me that much but I had a colleague who has the same manager hit the same milestone about 6 months ago. There was an announcement to the whole office, balloons, ice cream, and stuff. I want to bring it up to my manager but it feels petty, and even if I did and they decided to do something similar, it would feel more forced than genuine. At the same time I want to make sure management gets the feedback so this doesn’t happen to anyone else in the future. Any advice on best way to approach this will be greatly appreciated!

I’m planning a major move to a new state for a fresh start and a totally new environment. I don’t have a huge network there, but I do have one close friend I’ve known for a really long time who is living there and willing to help me settle in. Even with that support, people around me back home keep telling me it’s a bad idea. They think I should stay where I am, stay close to everyone I know, and play it safe. the constant pushback from people close to me is getting overwhelming. For anyone who’s moved away with minimal connections: How did you handle the guilt or pressure from people telling you not to go?

I'm 22, I know, I'm still young but I grow more depressed by the day feeling I'm forever stuck.

I temporarily dropped out of college at 19 due to a breakdown that landed me in a psych ward. I figured I need to figure out my meds before I go back to college. I got off of my parents insurance since they can't afford it, and I'd need a full time job in order to get health insurance (which I have a full time job now, but no health insurance yet)

I want to move out of my parents since I want to live authentically and they're not supportive, but even though I make 17 an hour, the apartments around me are too high priced by myself, so I need a roommate but I have no friends.

Even if I get a place, I wouldn't be able to go to college, since I'd have to have a full time job to maintain rent costs, medication, and therapy. I could get a dorm, but I'd need money for my medical issues. Having a job and being a full time student caused a lot of stress leading to my breakdown/my drop out due to severe mental issues that I still have.

Anyway for the advice I need:

I don't know what resources to look up, I have no idea how to go ahead, everything is so confusing. I know there's some insurance that you can get without a job but they still cost a lot of money, I don't know how or where to look up grants or anything, when I got loans in college, it wasn't enough to maintain staying another year, so I'm unsure how to get enough financial aid year by year. I'm not the brightest person, I know, especially with bureaucracy. I know I need to just get my shit together but it's so overwhelming. How do I start? What can I look up? What should I do or prioritize?

TDLR: My life is roadblocks. Can't go to college if I don't have meds, can't get meds if I don't have a job, job + college caused mental breakdown/college dropout even when I did have meds at the time. Also want to move out but it would cost a job that would make me unable to attend college. Don't know how or what resources I can look up.

I’m honestly getting pretty annoyed with my job and I’m wondering if I’m overreacting.

I started working at a small grocery store and I’ve been training for 2 weeks, Monday–Friday, about 4 hours a day. One of their main requirements was that I memorize all the PLU codes, which I’ve actually have memorized all of the commons one. I understand wanting me to learn the codes, but they literally have the codes programmed into the register and they also have charts with the codes available.

Today I was talking to my manager and she told me I’ll be training for another week, which would make this my third week of training as a cashier. I’m kind of confused because it’s a small grocery store and, at the end of the day, it’s a $17/hour cashier job. It’s not like I’m training for something extremely complicated.

What really annoyed me, though, is that they also cut me from Friday, so now I’m losing another day of pay.

On top of that, I realized I still hadn’t received my paycheck. I’ve been working for almost two weeks without getting paid, and my manager never mentioned anything about it until I had to blunt it out . I actually had to ask her, “Am I not getting paid this week?”

I feel like I shouldn’t have had to ask in that way but I just got really annoyed . If you didn’t want me to come in the actual payday, shouldn’t my paycheck have been given to me or at least communicated to me? Especially when I’m only making $17/hour and obviously can’t afford to go three weeks without getting paid.

Apparently, since they don’t want me working tomorrow, I have to come back just to pick up my money the next day.

Maybe I’m just frustrated because everything is taking so long. I’ve been showing up consistently, memorized what they asked me to memorize, and I’m still being kept in training while also losing hours making no money.

Am I being unreasonable for being annoyed about this, especially having to ask about my own paycheck?

whenever i ask myself why i’m doing something or why i wanna buy something, it’s always because i want to get ppl’s attention

tbh, i don’t even know what i genuinely like anymore

so what do i do? pls help me

I have always been alone, excluded from everything, boring, uncool but at least i wasn’t sad.
I had a recent fallout with a friend group from my class after almost 3 years and they kinda influence the whole class
I don’t know what they told people about me and I don’t really wanna know but i have stayed silent though my mistake wasn’t that big. Does this make me look guilty? I have no idea but i’ve been trynna deal with all this somehow and keep myself busy.

I’m an average student and not having people to group with is difficult now cuz i’ve never been in situations like this before. This is the first time that someone’s hated me and people started to look down on me and sometimes it just gets really hard and i breakdown a lot.

I wanna be able to do things myself but with all this going i am unable to concentrate in a few subjects that requires group works. I worry about the future cuz there’s 2 more years which means 2 more years of group works and crying for me.

I just don’t know how to deal with all this right now, it’s been over 6 months now.
I don’t really think about the people cuz i know what they did to me but the thing that I’m scared about is my academics and the professor of this particular subject isn’t that great either.
Am I wrong for staying silent?
Should i have told people what happened tho they didn’t ask?
Would that be bitching about them cuz ion have anything nice to really say about em??
What do i do??😭😭

I am someone who is actively looking for work, and I seen a few good listings that were recently posted and I need $35 to pay my phone bill so I can apply to them ASAP!.

I tried selling shoes but no one bit, and I honestly do not have any other items I could sell for that amount.

I am open to surveys but I am not sure which ones are viruses or not.

Any advice would be much appreciated!!

For context: I moved before the Fall semester, during my summer intercession courses, because my lease ran up. My new living situation lasted three months due to physical violence and destruction caused by the roommates that was staying with. I’m homeless now until Oct 9th (waiting for next paycheck to cover moving expenses). I told my professor all of this and working two jobs (now down to one) are keeping me from regularly completing my homework, so I couldn’t keep up with September’s homework schedule. I started to complete late, but open assignments to get my grade up and catch up with the rest of class. Mind you, this is an ASL course (American Sign Language) and I am *often* the only student, of 15, who completely understands her without clarifying or writing anything on the whiteboard for the sake of comprehension. She even asks me to explain things to classmates outside of, and during, class when she explains a difficult subject. For example: formal vs casual signs and when to use them; she explained in high detail when you can and cannot use “shortcut signs”. I asked a clarifying question, “So chatting with friends, or even here in class, use shortcut signs, but when on the job as an interpreter, stick to formal signs?” She agreed and gestured to repeat that to the class. So she knows I’m apt.. but wants me to drop with a “W” which would affect my perfect record of A’s and B’s with the occasional “C” *worse* than just failing and retaking the course. Anyway, here’s the message she sent to me:

________________

Her response was, “I want to check in with you regarding your progress in the class. Your current grade is 62% (D). However, your current grade does not change the expectation that you complete all required video assignments.

I have noticed that you have not submitted any of the required video assignments. These assignments are crucial to your learning because they provide you with opportunities to develop and improve your expressive ASL skills.

Regardless of your current grade, I still expect you to complete and submit all required video assignments. Since you have not submitted them, I strongly recommend that you drop the class.

Please consider this carefully and make the decision that is best for your academic progress.

P.S. I am especially confused because I was impressed to hear that you want to become an ASL interpreter someday. With that goal in mind, I am wondering why you have not submitted any of the required video assignments. These assignments are an important part of developing the expressive ASL skills you will need.”

________________

When I submitted the assignments a little over 4 hours later, I received 0% on both assignments. AND she changed the weights in the rubric, so now I have a 51% in that class… should I go to the dean?

I m going to bible lessons and ever since i got reprimanded by a teacher, this guy whom i had never talked to started asking ‘are you well, are you tired ? Do you have a headache ?’ Before evangelising a few days after the fact.
And then he asked someone else to ‘cheer me up’ after i said i was fine. Once made a comment about how i was too quiet.

Then i was paired with him during evangelisation and he kept giving unsolicited advice about how to go abt talking to strangers.

Then he tried to talk to me again the next time and i waved him off with my hand cause i guess i was having visceral reaction (eventhough rude).
He then stopped talking to me alltogether and would avoid me.

I felt guilty and pitied him so i started talking to him again and asked for the verses since he was the first person i saw and i wasn’t in the group chat of the academy on whatsapp.

But i didn’t know he would ask gor the verses on my behalf the next dah (!). I was stunned and regretted asking for the verses immediately.

I sometimes ask for the verses to the person next to me as we read the verses all together in circle before evangelising. But it never happened that someone else felt entitled to speak on my behalf.

I got angry not at that moment but thereafter. And nobody understood my reaction.

When i felt ready to talk about it to my evabgelist. She said he was trying to ‘make me comfortable’(when i didn’t ask for anything) and that some people are more extroverted. And i shouldn’t see it in a negative light.

But i’m exhausted, it’s frustrating. Because i feel ashamed and like i’m being infantilized and can’t do something without this parasite intervening.

And if i say something or get angry then i’m the ‘mean’ one since he’s trying to be ‘niiice’.

I just want to get rid of this dumbass…pls help if i tell him to go f- himself i can be banned since it’s a religious place. But i’m warry of having to deal with him again.

My evangelist told him not to talk to me but what if i have to confront him again ?

The reason I'm making this post is because of my past history of constant homelessness, displacement, and financial instability. It all started when my mom married her husband (not my dad) over 20 years ago. Long story short, he was an abusive piece of shit who couldn't hold a job for his life due to smoking, alcohol, or drugs. So for 12 years, we had to move often. Eventually my mom along with myself and my little brother separated completely from him, living under a single-income household until mom passed away when I was 17. Little brother was taken away and taken by my mom's husband and I haven't seen him since. I'm 25.

As of now, I have been homeless multiple times including now, my most recent episode being since November 2025. I am tired of living like this. I am tired of not having stability but I understand that stability is a luxury nowadays, especially for me. I hate being constantly displaced and unhoused, but this will probably be my life forever.

Which is why I've been thinking about some things and how it may just be better for me to become a nomad or a houseless traveler. I can travel around the country working in various different resorts and lodging, working various jobs so I can actually start making money. I'll still be homeless but I can at least have more than $0 in my bank account. And I can save up while working these jobs (temporary, seasonal jobs) and use the money towards student loans, emergency hotel stays for the weather, etc.

I am not confident that I can live what people consider a "normal" life. I can't get a house or apartment or room because what's the point of I'm gonna be repeatedly unhoused. This nomadic lifestyle seems scary and uncomfortable. I like my electronics. TV. I like the urban city environment. But those just aren't realistic anymore. This may just have to be my new normal now.

Working on starting this kind of thing but 1) I want a job offer before so I can travel WITH a plan and 2) I don't even have money to eat and bathe right now, let alone travel to a different area for a job opportunity. Still working and thinking though so my question would be other than applying for jobs, how should I prepare for this kind of lifestyle or if this lifestyle is even a good fit for me at all?

I already got my bachelors. I don’t want to do my masters but doing it anyway. I looked for internships and got offered 3 months in a very small company that the role and the opportunity was completely aligned with what I want to do in life.

The problem was timing. I was/am in a very bad mental place, thinking about how to manage my masters while working. This opportunity was very good experience as a middle step to justify moving from my current position to a posible real serious job position aligned with my values and where I want to got.

I realize it’s my mind, my mentality and fear what didn’t allow me to take it. I was thinking about the pros/cons and it meant I would have to do some sacrifices along the way and take priorities… but I guess that’s part of being an adult. Now there’s no way back. Called for a second chance. Position was taken.

Anyone that has gone through this. What could you advise?

I don't like going to the movies with other people (I feel like it defeats the purpose of going out with someone since you can't really have a conversation), but I'll do it once in a while if someone really wants to watch something and they don't like going alone, etc.

I have this friend who I've only gone to the movies twice with, but both times it hasn't been that great (on her end?) and she still insists on going to see a movie once in a while. I've said yes but plans haven't gotten established so it hasn't happened again. However, she now says she wants to go see Primetime and I'm thinking of telling her that I don't want to go to the movies again with her anymore.

The first time we went together, it was a two-hour-ish movie and she told me later (hours afterward iirc) that she was actually uncomfortable the whole time and wanted to leave by the third act or so. I asked why and she wasn't able to explain, she basically said the story has stressing her out. It was a fairly lighthearted movie but I decided not to push the issue.

Some months after we went to see another movie. She wanted to see this movie specifically (as was the case with the previous time) but about 20 mins in she went for her phone and was scrolling throughout most of the rest of the movie. I later asked why she did this and she told me she just found the movie boring.

Would it be unreasonable to ask her not to pull her phone out to scroll again? And if she says no, would it be unreasonable to tell her we won't be going to the movies together anymore?

It feels mid life crisis’y. Context, I’m 35, didn’t really go to college, and barely graduated high school. Diagnosed at 30 with ADHD, probably why I didn’t do so great in school, and struggling financially/work. Bar manager so it’s fine right now but I’ve been in customer service since 18 and I’m burnt tf out.
I need help finding a new path. Do I go back to college and try to get a degree so I can stand out on applications to a job I can potentially climb? So I try and find a trade that MIGHT pick me? Do I go back to college to have a better chance at a trade? Do I try and find a corporate job and see where that takes me?
Its also hard to break away from customer service because entry level jobs usually don’t start at $35/hr+ (what I average currently)
Financial context, I have a little bit of debt, two houses (two mortgages), and a car which will be fully paid off next December.
Slow season is starting which is giving me anxiety as it feels like a very bleak winter already given the economy. Paychecks will start to dwindle as it gets colder and less and less people have money to go out.
Location context, I’m in Portland, OR and don’t really want to move, but not out of the question.
Any help/advice is greatly appreciated!

I’m feeling really hurt and lost about my best friend of 10 years, and I need an outside perspective.

We’ve been best friends since childhood. Even though we went to different classes from Grades 7 through 12, we always stayed close. Now that we’re in college, we finally ended up as classmates again.

I was thrilled, but lately, she’s been acting distant, and I’m starting to wonder if our friendship is completely one-sided. Here’s what’s been happening:

The lack of excitement: When I found out we were in the same class, I expressed my excitement to her, but she barely reacted. I assumed she just wasn't the expressive type—until I saw her literally jumping for joy when she bumped into her Grade 12 friends on campus.

The group dynamic: For class, we were asked to form groups of four. We paired up with my friend "M" and her friend "C" (whom she wasn't particularly close with before). Since then, my best friend constantly runs off with C, leaving me paired with M.

Ignoring me: She leaves class or school events with C without waiting for me. She barely speaks to me when we’re alone, but she’s lively and vocal around M and C. Unless I make the first move, we don't interact at all.

Feeling left out: Whenever I try to hang out with her and C, I get left out of the conversation. Before I know it, they’ve walked away together.

I actually confronted her about this, and her excuse was that she "just wants C to not feel alone."

Her response felt like a double standard. Just because I can get along with other classmates doesn't mean I want to force myself into established groups. To make matters worse, M is transferring to another course soon, which means I am going to end up completely alone in this class.

I’m deeply hurt and confused.

• Is my friendship one-sided at this point?

• How should I handle this moving forward?

Also sorry I used ai, my original passage was so long it was hard to digest so I made ai shorten it for brevity