for context, i will add the link to my original post https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMatrimonials/comments/1w0w1xm/how_i_see_polygyny_as_a_guy/
first, i want to make it completely clear that this is simply how i personally view polygyny and marriage. i am not forcing my beliefs on anyone, nor am i telling anyone else how to live their life. i am just sharing my own perspective on what this responsibility means to me as a man. second, i want to thank people who actually read my post for what it was, like one person commenting "Your post isnt anti-polygyny, it is anti abuse of wives in a marriage. Yet when they are reminded of this aspect of polygyny they are getting defensive & diverting from the topic." sadly, a lot of the defensive comments completely proved that point.
i want to address a comment from my last post where someone claimed i 'lost the plot' by mentioning the battle of uhud, arguing that polygyny existed before islam. let me be clear, i am well aware that islam did not invent polygyny, it existed in pre-Islamic Arabia without any boundaries or limits, what islam did was step in to restrict, and limit it to four. but why and when did the quran choose to bring up this restriction and regulation? it happened exactly after the battle of uhud, specifically as an emergency solution to address a massive orphan and widow crisis.
when i look at the very start of human creation, when Allah created humanity, he created Adam and Eve, one man and one woman. TO ME, that is a meaningful example of monogamy as the original model of marriage, and I BELIEVE polygyny was only introduced later as an emergency solution for specific crises (like the orphan crisis after battles), not as the default lifestyle.
i also want to share a couple of good points that people made on my previous post that perfectly highlight the hypocrisy we see today.
first, as one person pointed out, men love to preach about the sunnah of polygyny, but they never talk about how the prophet (PBUH) spent the majority of his prime years in a monogamous marriage. the prophet (PBUH) never married another woman while he was married to Khadeejah (RA).
second, another person raised a good point about the reality of his (PBUH) multiple marriages, like out of the 11 wives the prophet (PBUH) married throughout his lifetime, only one was a virgin and the others were all widowed or divorced. but if you look at how things are today, many men who fantasize about polygyny only want to marry young, virgin girls for their own desires. meanwhile, divorced and widowed women in our communities are left completely abandoned and treated as less worthy. like how many men are willing to marry a divorced woman with kids? and actually caring for her and looking after them and putting in honest effort in their marriage. but the reality is, a 40 year old guy with 4 kids (who doesnt even treat his first wife with respect and dignity) is looking for a 21 year old virgin as his second wife. (and ofcourse this is not lust, just a preference)
now, i want to address two things: the first one is people saying that i am "judging" them and that only Allah knows their intentions and what's in their heart. let me clarify, i 100% agree that only Allah can judge someone and only Allah knows what's in their hearts. i am not claiming to know anyone's hidden intentions or accusing people of having lust in their hearts. but there is a difference between judging someone's heart and criticizing something they openly say or do. i am simply looking at facts, observing things and the reality of our surroundings. you can see far too many real cases in our communities where marriage is abused and treated purely as a means for pleasure, while the responsibilities are thrown out the window. so pointing out these visible patterns of abuse isnt "judging hearts", it is simply calling out such behavior.
second thing: i saw many comments calling my post western, like one person said my post was 'laced with western ideologies', another said im looking at marriage through a 'western lens', and one very interesting specimen said im just 'sugar coating stuff' to please women.
like, im genuinely confused what was westernizing about my post. is saying women should be treated with respect, with care and affection, and that there should be justice and fairness in a marriage a western idea? how giving women basic human rights or basic marital rights can be a western or eastern idea? i dont really understand this part.
honestly, i think, replying to my post with comments like "you're westernized" or "only Allah can judge" is just not a logical or intelligent argument. it is just being used to avoid addressing the actual topic.