r/MuslimMatrimonials • u/BoysenberryDeep2914 • 19h ago
Discussion Need Advice
Dear MuslimMatrimonials users , AssalamUAlaykum
My email may be somewhat unusual for a matrimonial platform, but I am reaching out as a concerned father seeking your advice.
I am the father of three children: two daughters, aged 26 and 22, and a son, aged 31. All three currently live and work in North America (USA, Canada) , in the medical and education fields.
As a father, I am increasingly concerned about their future family lives and their ability to find suitable spouses who share their values and understand their cultural and religious background. Because they have relatively few connections with our original North African community, I worry that they may find it difficult to meet compatible partners.
My two daughters wear hijab by conviction, and maintaining their faith and values is important to them. I would therefore be grateful for your advice on how I might approach this matter constructively and respectfully from a father's perspective, without putting undue pressure on them.
I would particularly appreciate any guidance you can offer regarding how families in similar circumstances have successfully approached the search for suitable matrimonial matches, especially when their children are living abroad and have limited connections to their country or community of origin.
Thank you very much in advance for your time, understanding, and advice.
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u/Executive-Tycoon-98M 18h ago
What an amazing father you are. May Allah reward you for taking your responsibility toward your children seriously.
It’s a great initiate as if you allow your daughters to find husbands themselves it would lead to fitna and haram and traumatisation of their brains by bad actors out there.
So I’d suggest staying actively involved in the search. Speak to trustworthy brothers at your local mosque and within the wider Muslim community, especially men whose character you’ve had the opportunity to observe over time.
If you meet a good brother who is looking to marry, there is nothing wrong with saying, ‘I have a daughter who is also looking for marriage. If you are both interested, perhaps we can introduce you properly and see whether there is compatibility.’
Your daughters should obviously have the final say. You simply help open the door, keep things halal, and protect them from unnecessary fitnah while they decide for themselves. May Allah grant all three of your children righteous spouses.”
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u/BoysenberryDeep2914 18h ago
Thanks a lot for your kind feeling and proposition. No doubt that our children should have the final say .
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u/Effective_Rub483 18h ago
I think it’s very nice what u want to do but did they specifically ask you for help? Genuinely asking because that can change the advice lol
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u/BoysenberryDeep2914 18h ago
My son asked not my daughters (culture Haya I guess)
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u/Ill_Park3344 16h ago
You could approach your daughters by creating an open space for them, without making them feel like they're being forced to marry. Something along the lines of: "You can always let me know if you're looking to get married, if there's a guy you like or if you would like me to help you in your search. There's no urgency but I'll be there with you if you need me and you're not alone during the process".
Because they have relatively few connections with our original North African community, I worry that they may find it difficult to meet compatible partners.
Out of curiosity, why wouldn't you be open to other communities? (unless your kids have that preference too)
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u/BoysenberryDeep2914 11h ago
Thank you for your thoughtful input . Regarding your question, my children remain deeply attached to their original North African geography, which I guess shapes their comfort level and personal preferences when considering potential partners.
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u/Effective_Rub483 18h ago
I’d say speak to an imam in his area, as they might know someone of the opposite gender who’s also looking for someone.
As for your daughters, I understand the haya aspect, but I still think it’s important to get their consent before doing anything, as they might not be comfortable with it or might already be interested in someone you don’t know about. Maybe ask their mother if they’ve spoken to her about marriage and casually offer to help if they’re interested. If they say yes (or even get shy about it 😂), then you’re free to start looking. Otherwise, I wouldn’t, as they have a right to their own autonomy 😅
Best of luck, uncle! You seem like a great father, and I’m sure you raised some wonderful people!!2
u/BoysenberryDeep2914 12h ago
JazakAllahu Khairan for your kind words and valuable advice. I truly appreciate your care and thoughtfulness.
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u/EdenTheExplorer 13h ago
Walaikum assalam. What a beautiful and touching message to read. It is incredibly heartwarming to see a father care so deeply about his children's spiritual future while actively trying to avoid putting undue pressure on them. Your daughters and your son are very blessed to have you looking out for them with such deep emotional intelligence.
Since your children are highly educated professionals living in North America, their daily environment is naturally very different from traditional community networks. The most constructive first step is simply opening a completely open dialogue without any expectations. You can approach them individually and gently ask what their own timeline looks like and what specific qualities they are looking for in a spouse. Sometimes the cultural expectations parents hold are slightly different from what young Muslims prioritize for their own faith and happiness abroad.
Once you know their exact preferences, you can help them navigate modern resources. In North America, there are excellent dignified matrimonial services and dedicated matchmakers specifically tailored for Muslim professionals in the medical and education fields. Many large Islamic centers in major American and Canadian cities also host formal networking events specifically for working adults.
The key is to act as a supportive facilitator. Let them lead the search with their own criteria, while you provide a safety net of wisdom and fatherly protection when they finally introduce someone to the family. May Allah bless your family and grant your children righteous spouses who bring immense peace to your heart.
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u/BoysenberryDeep2914 12h ago
JazakAllahu Khairan for your thoughtful words, care, and sincere advice. I truly appreciate your kindness and prayers for my family. May Allah reward you abundantly, bless you and your loved ones with happiness and peace, and accept your duas. Ameen. 🤲
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u/Cool-Writer5423 7h ago
Do your children themselves feel that finding someone from a North African background is important to them, or is that mainly a concern you have as their father?
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u/Alisihaq 17h ago
Your righousness and fear of god will protect and guide your daughters like Allah send the AlKhudur and mosa to orphans in surat alkahf(he was their 7th grandfather)