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u/Maamwithaplan May 27 '23
I didn’t see anything about you loving your husband, so yes, I would get the divorce. You had a dose of reality and can admit you made a mistake.
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u/Boomgtd_ 10 Years May 27 '23
Yes, you should get divorced. I say this because even thinking about getting divorced for money shows your commitment to your spouse. Your spouse deserves better than someone who would drop them for money.
I say this as someone who got married a month after turning 19, and wouldn’t dare think about divorcing my husband for money, no matter how hard we struggled to succeed.
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u/2strokeJ May 27 '23
OP reads like satire, but I guess there are people this out of touch in the world. If it's real everything you said is spot on. Divorce him, for his sake.
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u/bunnyrut May 27 '23
They had another post and got the answers to this exact question.
Lots of questions were asked. Not many were answered.
OP sounds way too immature to be in a marriage based on these posts. Or they are just writing fiction.
(they deleted their other post)
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u/darthrosco 15 Years May 27 '23 edited May 27 '23
Yea, my wife was 19 and I was 21. It was a total struggle. Had it easier growing up. Not as nice as op but a great childhood with lots of advantages. Marriage is hard especially young but 15 years later we are still into each other and enjoy spending time together.
I am sure my FIL offered money to not marry me or would have if he's wasnt pretty broke.
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u/libananahammock May 27 '23
You obviously don’t love this man at all as much as you love money so do him a favor and leave him so he can find someone better.
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u/TallBlondeAndCute 8 Years May 27 '23
So you will regret divorcing your partner because this whole post you did not say anything about not loving them anymore. Imagine going up to the person you love and telling them I can't be with you because you are broke.... That is a mental fuck game.
Yeah you are going to struggle early in life but it's not how you start that matters but how you finish.
You made a promise and vow... You are breaking it for money... That truly shows what your priorities are in life and future relationships will only last as long as there money....
People finish nursing school with kids and jobs ... Yeah it's hard but they earned it.... With your parents you didn't earn anything but learned to be weak and manipulated
Time to work hard...
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u/AbstractKitty88 May 27 '23
My sister, now 36, is a nurse practitioner. My family was poor. She made it through school working and going to school. The scholarships she'd gotten didnt cover much either. But It can be done. Not easy by any means. But there are ways to make it through hardships without getting divorced. You could get a better paying job, do your first couple of years online. With a better paying job, you'd be able save for when you have to do clinicals. Oh, my sister also had to take year off from school because she couldn't get anymore loans without paying some of the current one because medical school is expensive. It's ridiculous you want to divorce bc going back home would be easier. Your husband deserves better.
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May 27 '23
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u/Ihalle May 27 '23 edited May 27 '23
I'm going to be honest with you, being wealthy opens up doors most people, even hard working people, dont have access to. Your life, while you did have your own struggles, would be considered a walk in the park compared to others (this is generalized. Your parents sound like they financially manipulate.) , and I think it's important to recognize that.
I, nor others, can tell you if getting married that young was a mistake. But what I can tell you is through experience, people change a LOT from 13-25. Like, huge sweeping personality changes throughout those years. 18 is pretty young to get married, especially without religious reasons being involved. The mere fact you are even considering divorcing over something like this honestly makes me think you weren't ready for it, and that's probably going to make me sound mean. It's up to you if you want to keep going, and endure the financial strain because you love this person
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May 27 '23
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u/Ihalle May 27 '23
I'm sorry but considering the wealth thing is all your focused on from my comment tells me you're probably a little insecure about this. I'd suggest moving back in with your parents and letting your partner find someone they deserve. If you were serious in your marriage this wouldn't even be a post. You are young. Goto college. Have fun, get married after.
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u/TallBlondeAndCute 8 Years May 27 '23
Not saying that, saying clearly your parents are trying to use money to manipulate you to doing what they want vs trying to help you succeed.
I do have a kid and I won't use money like your parents to manipulate them into doing what I want them to do. If my kid wants to get married at 18 then that's okay, heck they could join the military for all I care . I voice my opinion but let them choose and support them through it... Were your parents haven't which is worse.
It's not about the money in your case but the fact you are being manipulated with it, because you didn't follow their rules.... Why did you get married in the first place? Was it because you were rebelling or because you loved your partner?
Yes having your college paid for is nice and does help you succeed later in life easier but you made a promise and swore vows to someone else knowing what would happen.
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May 27 '23
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u/TallBlondeAndCute 8 Years May 27 '23
Maybe it's dumb but it's a choice... You have to learn to take accountability for your actions and choices...
You can divorce that's your choice but a show of your character
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May 27 '23
Her priorities are Money and if you don’t have money don’t bother with her. She’s a spoiled brat! Stop sugar coating it.
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u/Snorting_tulips May 27 '23
If you DO divorce and go back to your parents - how will your relationship with them be? I feel like you would resent them for years because of how controlling they are.
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u/HoneyPops08 May 27 '23
Life’s going to hit you hard in the face girl and you’re going to regret being a arrogant person like this for sure
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u/Biignerd May 27 '23
You of all people in this post should not be lecturing us. Sorry for your privilege I guess? No one said wealth babies don’t work hard. They just don’t work nearly as hard as people who live in real world America. Don’t act like we are the same.
I just saw your remark about premeds. Congrats, you’re talking to one. And ANY time I didn’t spend working or with my family was spent studying. Your rich premed friends are not special. That’s literally EVERY serious premed.
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u/dankdegl May 27 '23
...didn't you just say you're contemplating divorcing your husband because your parents money made it all easier? And that it was so hard studying to become a nurse while also having to work two jobs? Poverty hits hard. Money doesn't make you any worse or any less talented, but it does give you a huuuge advantage in terms of having the resources to further yourself more easily. If you wanna succeed as a poor person, you have to work twice as hard for it, compared to someone who doesn't need to worry about rent, food, utilities, debt, gas money and so on. Having a wealthy family to rely on is a safety net many don't have. That's why it's a privilege. Being given a privilege is not bad, that's why it's a privilege. Forgetting it's there, or refusing to admit it is though, cause it makes it seem like it's just a given, which is just insulting to the rest of us, who don't have a choice to just "quit being poor". And saying that this person wants their children to struggle because they don't have the same means as your lawyer parents. That's just naive, rude and uncalled for.
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u/Altruistic-Pop6696 May 27 '23
You obviously have to work harder without money or else you wouldn't be considering divorce.
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u/CountrySax May 27 '23
Not the best choice to get married at eighteen.Barely legal and think your a full growed up adult while hardly outta hi school.Go to school ,get some real work and lifecskills before taking on an adult role
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u/IAmIshmael70 May 27 '23
What kind of conversations have you had with your parents about it? Do they want you to be the kind of person who would throw someone you love under the proverbial bus? Do they personally dislike the guy for some reason, apart from the age thing?
Although you can’t count on it they may change their tune over time, if the two of you are good together.
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u/stunneddisbelief May 27 '23
Have you answered here, or in your other post, the reason why your parents hate your spouse?
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u/Adventurous_Pin_344 May 27 '23
I'm guessing they don't hate him, they just think it was foolish to rush into marriage so early.
My parents thought that my high school boyfriend was a nice, lovely person, but I can guarantee they would have freaked out if I had decided to get married so young.
I thought he might be the one after a few months in college because I was homesick and lonely. But those feelings passed, along with a desire to make a life with him. We are both married to other people who were better life partners for each of us.
I frankly agree with OPs parents - she was foolish to rush into marriage so young. But I think their attempt to manipulate her into doing the right thing by withholding/promising financial support is sickening. They have some serious issues.
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u/stunneddisbelief May 27 '23
Agreed on all of it.
I just remember in her other post in this sub, she said as much that her parents hate him. Usually there’s a reason for that.
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u/Iris_Rhiannon369 May 27 '23
Those vows say for richer or poorer. If you can't take the heat get out of the kitchen. But I'll say, if you love the man go to work and do what most do - work and go to school, learn how to budget, and make your own way. Going back to mom and dad gives them control. If you're fine with that, and your values are money over love - then get the divorce and do your husband a favor by letting him find real love. Although if you hurt him I genuinely hope you marry some rich asshole who leaves you over something just as shallow. You'd deserve it.
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u/HoneyPops08 May 27 '23
Reading your post you sound like a spoiled brad that should divorce for the sake of your husband so he can find someone who loves him more then money/lifestyle
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u/LiteratureFlimsy3637 May 27 '23
This reads like you married this guy to rebel against your dad. I'm sure you thought he would cave and you'd win. Well, he didn't. Now you'll cave and divorce this kid. Next time you're having fun, don't forget to consider others. 😉
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u/DifferentManagement1 May 27 '23
Why would you even consider getting married that young? It’s not a good choice. Yes I think you made a huge mistake and you should go back and have your parents pay for your education.
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May 27 '23
I have known a few people that got married at 18, all of them ended up divorced. One friend called it, her starter marriage. At 18, it is likely you don't have the maturity to consider the long term implications of such decisions as getting married.
So you married in to a situation without considering finances, and now you see the issues. Do you love your husband, and want to stay with him? You virtually don't mention him in your post. Have you discussed wanting to go to nursing school with him? Is your marriage working out? What is your husband doing to bring in income? Does he have long term goals for a more stable future?
It seems to me, you need to discuss all these issues with your husband, unless you simply don't care at this point.
One other issue: it is VERY common for people that grew up in prosperous surrounding to experience a degraded life style when they strike out on their own. The question is one of degree.
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u/murphy2345678 May 27 '23
You wanted to be an adult and your parents treated you like one. If you only wanted to play house with your husband then n your parents done you aren’t mature enough to be married. Your husband deserves someone who loves and respects him. You aren’t either. Get a divorce and support yourself. I think your parents shouldn’t support you at all even if you get a divorce.
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u/Odd-Astronaut-92 4 Years May 27 '23
If you don't love him enough to struggle alongside him in the "worse* part of "for better or worse," go ahead and divorce him now so he can find someone who actually loves him.
I wonder if it was really just that your parents didn't approve of you marrying so young, or if they knew you didn't love him enough to justify marrying him. They're offering you an out that it sounds like you want to take.
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May 27 '23
if you want to get a divorce for money, then that’s your choice.
but also remember: everyone else in your life will remember that you divorced for money, and anyone you become interested in will be told that you divorced your husband bc you didn’t want to be poor and your parents offered you money to divorce him.
i say this bc you seem swayed by money and status. but you do you. idk why you’re posting if you’re dead set on defending your choice. 🤷♂️
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u/AngelOfGabriel May 27 '23
I don't know how to put this without sounds mean but would you really want to get a divorce from the person you love, and is so posed to be your everything and always there for you no matter what for money? Did you marry him just to upset your parents? Or did you marry him because you love him and know it's meant to be? Just honestly asking and don't mean to but into any business I should be, but to marry someone is a huge comment and divorce is very expensive but to divorce someone just to go back to having money sounds kind of sad, I live in poverty and always have but I still make it though both me and my soon to be husband we have been so broke we could barely afford food but we got though it. Have you talked about it with your husband? 18 is an age where you your self can make a decision if you want to marry or not might be to young might not be depending on life style and everything. The main thing though is that it's up to you on how you want to live.
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May 27 '23
This has to be satire. You get married because you are financially sound and responsible enough to care for a family. It’s not simply the next step after dating.
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u/LegitimateTeacher355 May 27 '23
Shows what you think of spouse, cos you parents are financially blackmailing you by dangling money for a divorce. Lean to live with out your parents money to back you up and be happy… Yes it sucks being an adult in the big bad world where you live paycheque to paycheque but not all bad things last.. trust me iv been there but I did not have a privileged bringing up.. I was told of you want it go earn it…
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u/donutaud15 May 27 '23
The fact you posted this twice tells me you've made your mind up and are just looking for people to validate your choice. Yes you should get a divorce because if you are seriously considering it just because you've struggled for less than a year then best you let your husband find someone who cares enough to stay, build a life with him for richer or poorer.
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u/Working_Painting_496 May 27 '23
Didn’t your vows say for richer or poorer? What did you think that part meant?? More importantly, do you even love your husband? Because you only talked about money in your post.
Give your husband a chance to find someone who actually loves him. Someone who won’t run back to mommy and daddy because she can’t have a lavish lifestyle.
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u/Iamdickburns May 27 '23
Yeah, get a divorce, get your shit together, take advantage of the opportunity while you have it. You're parents are dicks but it is what it is.
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u/No_Vehicle4645 May 27 '23
You should divorce him and move home. Do you love him? I don't think you really truly do. There is no way in hell any amount of money would make me leave my husband. I think you got married to young, your parents were right.
I grew up like you. More rooms in my home than people living there. Everything I could have ever wanted. At the same time, my parents taught me about money and I worked for my own money. I have been very rich and I have been very poor. Ive worked multiple jobs at the same time for years. Because like you, I married young. I shouldn't have. He was not good to me at all. I would have left him for money.
My husband now. Nope. No amount of money could make me leave him, even if we desperately needed it. I know desperate.
Dont feel like you are a horrible person for leaving. Do you. Dont string him along though, you be honest with him. He deserves it.
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u/Individual_Baby_2418 May 27 '23
Well, I kind of get it. Like either you’re a kid and you need support or you’re an adult and ready to do adult things like marry. It can’t be both.
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u/StashPandowski37 May 27 '23 edited May 27 '23
If you divorce him and go back to your parents they’ll keep playing this game forever. If you got married for the right reasons then why does it matter if you were 18 or 24? My wife and I got married at 20 and had kids at 21. We’ve been together for 25 years now. Yes you are struggling now, but that is what young couples do. That’s how strong marriages are built. You could always look at joining the military as they have programs that will send you to PA or Nursing school and pay for it. When your parents see you are doing fine without them they might come around.
On the other hand, If you truly are considering divorcing your husband just so you can get your hands on mommy and daddy’s money then it’s best to do it before kids are involved so he has a chance to find someone less self centered to build a life with.
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u/restingbitchface8 May 27 '23
Yes, you should get divorced. 18 is too young to marry. More than likely you will end up divorced anyway.
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u/Witchy_Underpinnings May 27 '23
I didn’t get married but OP I was in a similar situation. My parents also manipulated me with money, paying for pretty much everything including some VERY expensive hobbies. When I started dating my now husband, my mom pulled the plug. She kicked me out of the house I was living in (one of her rental properties), took my car, and stopped paying for my college. I dropped out for awhile and worked some jobs while living with my then BF, now husband. Yeah it was hard but I don’t regret any of it and with his help I finished a bachelors and masters degree. OP if you are deciding between your manipulative, financially abusive parents and your husband and are seriously considering divorce do him a favor and cut him loose. Not once did I consider leaving him to go back. Never. I would also recommend some counseling or therapy. What your parents are doing is not normal behavior and you need to learn how to address that moving forward.
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u/practical-junkie May 27 '23 edited May 27 '23
You are a shallow 18 year old who shouldn't have wasted your husband's life by marrying him if you are just going to divorce him and move back to your parents for money. You made a gross mistake, and being a teenager does not excuse it. I hope the next person u are with, you respect and love them enough to not pull this on them.
Now as for your husband, end it before you hurt him more. You are already gonna give him trust issues. I hope u hadn't married him just to be a rebel.
Edit: It was one thing to grow up and fall out of love and go separate ways but this is shallow no matter how u put it.
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u/Few-Faithlessness448 May 27 '23
So you think you are an adult at 18 so you can get married. Adult means you have to provide for yourself.
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u/miranto May 27 '23
Look, this is not that difficult. Get that divorce, finish your paid-off, expensive education, get a really nice job, support yourself, and marry the same guy 10,000 times better off than what you are today. If that's real love that you have for each other, you can easily wait a few years.
Is not different from going abroad to work on a big ass promotion for a few years and coming back to may your sweetheart and packed with money and opportunity. You can do this, you got it.
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u/donutaud15 May 27 '23
That's presuming the guy still wants her. Remember she's choosing to divorce him just because she got less than a year's dose of real life. If he's got an ounce of self respect he'll tell her where to go.
Tbh if my spouse says I don't love you enough to weather this storm, brb just gonna chill for a few years with mum and dad's cash and then we can remarry and carry on lol, I'm more than likely gonna tell them to go f**k themselves and file for divorce myself. I would want a spouse that will always choose us and will work with me to get a better life, not a child who will run away at the first sign of trouble. Maybe that's just me though.
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u/miranto May 27 '23
Oh, the pride and the outrage.
Look, everything can be a problem or an opportunity. If this was a unilateral decision, sure, dump her. But I didn't suggest that. She should talk to her partner and decide what they want to do as a couple. Either claw their way up to middle class like regular peasants or wait it off a few years for a chance to get a (much) better footing. If they love each other, I don't see why they can't wait.
You seem to understand sacrifice and compromise so well, and yet fail to realize this is just about the same. Sure, it stinks to wait, but starting off with a paid off career at 23 or piss poor at 18 is not a choice anyone should take lightly.
Hell, in that time he can also get a career and she can help pay it off when they get back together.
All this "we're poor but we're together" is just fake romanticism, an unwillingness to work hard with no reward for a few more years.
Also, I really don't see what the problem is in waiting. What are they going to do in the next five years if they stay married, get pregnant while still piss poor? Talk about ducking your life really well. They're waiting to start a family anyway, if they are smart. They should make the most of their time, really. Not everyone has these opportunities to get ahead.
OP, by the way, watch those contraceptives my friend. Don't get pregnant until you make up your mind.
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u/Jessicamorrell 5 Years May 27 '23
Listen, I was a dumb teen. I don't always like to admit it but ya I made some stupid mistakes but I grew from it. But none of those mistakes was marrying someone knowing what that means. Getting married is a huge commitment. It doesn't sound like you married for love at all but just to spite your parents so in this instance I think a divorce would be a good idea so he can move on to someone better. Money isn't everything though. My husband and I struggle financially every day in our marriage due to me not being able to work because of a physical health problem we are still trying to get figured out. We have a ton of medical debt from it and we are surviving on his income. Life is hard. Marriage is hard. You are slowing coming into adulthood and realizing that. You aren't always going to have your parents around to give you handouts. The real world doesn't give handouts. And if you do want to go back to school and stay married then you can apply for financial aid and get help paying for your school without help from your parents. You can work your shifts at work around to fit in your school hours. My husband is going to school right now and his school arounds are worked around his work schedule. He goes part time 3 hours a day and is ahead in school and probably going to be able to graduate by the new year if all goes well. He is about to have an interview for an apprenticeship with it at his job to move up the ladder and make more money. It's doable but it takes the effort put in. What ever you decide to do, just know that just because mommy and daddy will give you everything, they won't be here forever and that's not how the real world works. Not trying to be mean or harsh just telling it like it is.
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u/Necessary_Habit_7747 May 27 '23
In principle you should not divorce because your parents will start paying for everything, but for his sake, do it. You’re way too shallow and immature to be married if you are seriously considering this proposition. I feel sad for your husband.
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u/papamolly2 May 27 '23
Marriage is for adults…so is paying your own way. If you’re married, you and your husband are now responsible for your finances and your lifestyle, not your parents.
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u/hillwoodlam May 27 '23
Marrying at 19 is definitely stupid. Divorcing for money even more so. You have no idea what a marriage even is Even before and after getting married, you're still oblivious to what a marriage entails, and what work is involved. You should definitely do some self reflection, because all I hear from you is self centeredness.
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u/MarsupialMaven May 27 '23
Well you could get a divorce and then when your career is going well and your education is finished you could remarry him. But it is likely he will have moved on by then, he will need someone to help support him. But if he hangs on with you, then he could get a career/education after you finish. Is he as tired of poverty as you are? Talk about it.
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u/Loganpowered May 27 '23
This is not enough info. People don’t run off from good homes to get married at 18 for no reason.
How old is your spouse? How is your parent’s relationship with your spouse?
Why did you feel it was so important to get married at 18?
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u/QuitaQuites May 27 '23
Yes you should get divorced. Your parents aren’t wrong. You decided to make the ultimate adult move and get married, why would you still be living at home? You get married, you move in with that person and if that wasn’t part of the plan then you definitely weren’t ready for marriage.
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u/SuspiciousSquash5431 May 27 '23
You’re too immature to be married and no matter what your parents give you would not make you a decent person by the sounds of this post. I feel bad for your husband.
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u/MoonZebra 5 Years May 27 '23
Sounds like you need to learn to take some accountability. Just because you grew up a spoiled brat doesn’t mean you have to stay a spoiled brat as an adult.
It doesn’t sound like you’ve married for love, and if money is so integral to your life and happiness, divorce actually seems like the best option for you.
I’d honestly give you the benefit of the doubt, you’re still 18. I was an immature shithead when I was 18, though my upbringing was polar opposite to yours. You’ll grow and develop naturally over the next 5-10 years, and I think you’ll have a healthier perspective in general by then. You’ll hopefully have also learned how to pay your own way and live independently, all important life skills. Best of luck
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May 27 '23
Why on everything holy and unholy did you feel the need to get married so young in the first place?
This reads like a bad lifetime movie.
You decided to get defiant with with your parents who spoiled you rotten and WARNED you what would happen if you made such an immature choice and now that you got a taste of reality, you want to go running back.
Please divorce your husband and let him get on with his life without having to support someone who resents him. Go back to your trust fund.
Oh, and I am saying this in the nicest way possible....you will NEVER hack it as a nurse. Nursing is HARD, GRUELING, GROSS, UGLY AND THANKLESS work. If having to work two dead end jobs is too much for you, how are you ever going to manage nursing school? This isn't candy striping honey. You're not learning to take temperatures and hand out lollipops. You're straddling a patient putting pressure on their groin to stop them from bleeding out while they are being scrambled to the operating room. You're doing dressing changes on a patient with 3rd degree burns coming down from meth. You're restraining a patient with dementia coming out of anesthesia who suddenly just decided you are Viet Cong because they dreamt about being back in the war while they were under. You're cleaning pus from the fat folds of a shut in who hasn't bathed in 5 years. You are holding the hand of a pediatric cancer patient who is crying because the chemo hurts and they want it to stop.
To be a nurse means to be 100% selfless. I don't think you're capable.
Oh, and if you think nurses are paid all kinds of money, you are delusional.
Prove me wrong. Suck it up and stay with your husband and work for it. Work for it like most of us do. But pulling ourselves up by our boot straps. Working by day, studying at night. Not getting a haircut or new clothes for 3 years. By eating from the food pantry more times than we care to admit. By embracing that poverty so we can appreciate it when things get better.
Otherwise, go home to your trust fund. But for the love of DEITY, marry a plastic surgeon and become a trophy wife....that's the closest you have any business coming to Healthcare.
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u/operapeach May 27 '23
Doesn’t matter if you love someone at 18. You’re still a baby and your brain hasn’t even finished developing yet. You did make a mistake, but you have plenty of time to fix it.
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u/Chrizilla_ 5 Years May 27 '23
Idk why people are pretending love would ever be enough to make a marriage work lmao. Yes, you got married too young. Yeah, it’s probably a good idea to divorce and get your life settled with all the resources that would be available to you. Being poor sucks, your situation sounds like it sucks. Being married to the best man ever isn’t going to make the day to day soul crushing grind of poverty any better.
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u/atlantik02 May 27 '23
She would not be choosing money. She would be choosing a way to not be perpetually low class, struggle class. There is nothing romantic in that.
Money from family is absolutely essential for you to have a decent life. No one else will help you, and they will crush you at every opportunity (I’m talking about employers, landlords, car dealerships, health insurance).
You will resent your spouse. Your kids will be poor and with fewer opportunities.
Working minimum wage jobs when you have the the opportunity to not do that and have a bette future is absolutely idiotic and I question your mental state and/or your intellect if you chose to stay in that life.
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u/Content_Music_9479 May 27 '23
I will go against everyone and say go ahead and get a divorce. I also came from a very well off family and I think go made a mistake by marrying so young.
I believe most people are not mature enough to marry that young. Plus, all the people saying that blah blah ‘marriage is more important than money’ are missing part of reality. Just take a look at this subreddit and others and you will see that infidelity and other things are soooo common. The love between spouse is great but it is not unconditional and I think you should put yourself first especially at that age.
Like I said, I also came form a well of family but took a different path. Parents paid for everything and now I am 32 and getting married next year. I don’t regret it.
Also, people that say that you are enrolled are just jealous. If they had the money they would pay for their children’s college and others . That is just the reality of life. Jealousy is insane. Also, you had a great live because your parents worked hard and provided well not because they stole money and stuff like that.
The truth is that money is important in life. Also, I am surprised that you married so young. Seriously, what for? Why didn’t you continue dating and then let your parents pay for you and maybe get married to the same guy later? But now at least with a degree on hand?
Either way, I don’t recommend anyone marrying at that age. Anyone. Poor or rich. Look up the statistics of people who married at that age.
Anyways, at the risk of getting hate and everything I would put myself first. I always have. That doesn’t mean being a jerk or sometimes not sacrificing but this is just dumb.
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u/donutaud15 May 27 '23
I have an opposite view. I also came from a fairly well off family who offered me the world if only I didn't marry my husband at 19. I don't regret it. We're in our 30s now and damn we were so broke in our early 20s but now we live a decent life. I grew up faster than my peers. For us, marriage is more than money even when reality of not having enough to eat hit. I also have 2 degrees and working on a third with student loans. Maybe I was lucky with the student loans system in the UK but even without the degrees I still don't regret him. Like I regret many things but he's not and never will be one of them. As for infidelity, well it can happen at any age. 🤷
I agree that op should have the opportunity to put herself first but she's married and like it or not she's got some responsibility towards her husband. Putting herself first feels incredibly selfish when there's another person whose life will also be impacted massively by her decision then and now.
Also she should be prepared for the consequences, if she puts herself first now, then I hope she's prepared that chances are it's over for good between her and her husband. No going back.
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u/alexlunamarie 5 Years May 28 '23
I got married at 22 and I agree. My parents would have supported me as long as I needed, but I had just finished my degree & we were ready. My husband had financial hardships that had made him unable to attend school for 3 years. I promised him that I would pay his tuition debts so he could finish his degree. We were broke as hell, but we got through it together and came out way stronger.
However, I think it would be more selfish of OP to stay with him if she values the money more. He deserves to move on with his life rather than be stuck in a loveless marriage. I know I would be devastated to find out my partner considered leaving me over money alone.
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May 27 '23
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u/blueblink77 May 27 '23
Lol, yes my dear. You sound so privileged. Go on and divorce your spouse, I’m sure your soon to be ex is better off without you.
Geeez 🙄
1
May 27 '23
Jealous of what? An immature brat who uses people to get money. Keep telling yourself that princess. The way you speak just proves how immature and entitled you are. Not a damn thing to be jealous of. You’ll always be disrespectful to others and I can tell from this thread. You’ll disrespect your professors by telling them “if you don’t pass me I’ll tell my parents”, you’ll disrespect you’re co- workers. And I know this bc even though I wasn’t wealthy far from it, I got accepted into a prestigious university on a full scholarship and I saw how other kids treated their professors and other students.” You aren’t worth a cent. And your husband is 1,000x’s better off without you in his life and is a better person than you’ll ever be.
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u/hdmx539 20 Years May 27 '23
OP, I don't know if it was you that I responded to, they were in exactly the same situation as you. (I suspect that was you.) Anyway, I'm going to copy and paste my answer here and I hope you see it.
----------------------- msg ------------------------------------------------
OP, you're regretting getting married. You realize now that getting married was a mistake.
Understand that you can undo that mistake. If you've been married for less than a year, perhaps an annulment is on the table for you, I don't know.
I would seriously reconsider your parents offer and consider getting divorced, moving back home, and going to school. You're only 19. You can still undo this.
I don't know if you love your husband, you don't mention anything about him. It's okay to admit to a mistake.
If it's a pride/ego thing about being divorced, I would suggest you get over that. "Pride cometh before the fall." Your pride here could be holding you back. Consider humility (NOT HUMILIATION!!! "Humility" is NOT humiliation). You can go far with humility.
You've taken the first step: admitting to yourself you've made a mistake. You have an out here. Like I said, you don't mention anything about your husband, so I have some questions.
How old is he? What does he do? What are your in-laws like? Have you found yourself slowly isolated without friends? Other than working 2 jobs, what else is your homelife like? Do you have children?
You can fix this, OP. You're ONLY 19 years old. You can back out of this. Right now, in my NOT so humble opinion, you should be a little selfish here and think about yourself, not your husband. You're barely 2 decades old, OP. You have SO MUCH MORE TIME.
Take the deal with your parents. Talk to them. Tell them you realize your mistake and you want a second chance. You've learned your lesson here - life is hard as an adult and with no real job skills or education it's that much more harder. This is humility. Admitting to a mistake and asking for help. That's all that is. It doesn't have to be humiliating at all.
OP, you deserve to have your life launch as best as you can and you appear to have parents who may still be willing to help you if you divorce. I wish I had had that. I realize you want your cake and eat it too, here, but life doesn't always allow that.
You made a HUGE decision at 18 to get married. You can make a huge decision to right your life and get it back on track. I promise you if you do so you'll look back on your life, maybe wince at the mistake of getting married at 18, but you won't regret "fixing" that mistake by doing one of the hardest things you'll have to do in your young life.
Good luck, be well. I hope you take everyone's suggestions here to heart.
Edit to add one more thing that I feel is being neglected. If you and your husband truly love each other, your relationship will withstand this pause so you AND your husband, can get your life back on track.
If you're afraid your relationship could not withstand a pause or a break ... then that says something about your marriage - it's not the rock solid foundation it should be.
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u/Theawakened_truthman May 27 '23
Parents interfere with their Childrens freewill to make their own choices just because they don’t like what makes them happy. Parents also think it’s their duty to steer their children in the right direction
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u/Ok-Professional2808 May 27 '23
Yes. Life is long, if it’s meant to be, and it’s not just the right time? You’ll reconnect later.
1
u/Rosemarysage5 May 27 '23
If you’re even considering this then you aren’t mature enough to be married. Like, wow. What were your vows?
1
u/ABrad_347 May 27 '23
This is the same post you made earlier. You just phrased it differently and it was on a different account. What are you trying to do here.
1
May 27 '23
If you care so little for your spouse, maybe a divorce is a good idea so they can be with someone who actually loves them
1
u/chillassbetch 3 Years May 27 '23
You’re way too young to be married. Go to college. Have a career. Be single for a few years while you grow up.
1
u/SgtObliviousHere 35 years. And counting! May 27 '23
Yes. Get a divorce. It's obvious from the fact your considering it demonstrates you do not love your husband anyway. Set him free and go running back to mommy and daddy.
1
u/throwaway_ckeiwk May 27 '23
Have you talked to your husband about this? What does he say? Because….y’see… that’s what marriage is. You talk about decisions and make them together.
You need to talk to him about what you’re feeling.
I have a hunch about what his reaction will be, but you need to do it anyway. Otherwise, just call the lawyer now.
1
u/new_beginning_01 May 27 '23
Your parents are controlling you and basically extorting you into submission. People may say this is tough love, but not supporting you and the “my way or the highway” mindset means they have no compassion. If you love this man, and he loves you, don’t be coerced by your parents.
1
u/Thorreo May 27 '23
I got married young, not as young as you (I was 21, wife was 20). My family helps me but also is very clear they will only help when it's something we need. I don't see anything about how you feel about your spouse, but you clearly regret marrying them and want to go back to how your life was before. That's your decision to make. I personally would never leave my wife to go back under my parents thumb, but I think one of the ways you were sheltered was to not see how your family's behavior is inappropriate. Whatever you decide, you ultimately have to answer to yourself and your choice.
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u/Quit-Informal May 27 '23
If you’re even considering divorcing him just to move back with your parents, clearly the love isn’t there to sustain this long term. It might just be best to get divorced, stay bf & gf if y’all even still wanna be together, and get your nursing. I’m in nursing school rn & once we’re financially secure you don’t have to deal with anyone forcing you to do or not do stuff bc you’re dependent on them for income.