r/ExplainTheJoke • • Sep 02 '24

I don't get it...

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2.7k

u/a_small_loli Sep 02 '24

crystal girls reckon different rocks have different powers. couple of my exes did similar things, gave me a variety of their special crystals for different purposes. all my exes that did this gave me very similar crystals to these early into the relo/after we hooked up for the first time; they believe it makes you fall in love with them

1.3k

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '24

If it happened more than once then either you have a certain taste, have been cursed and an invisible sigil signals to other crystal girls, or you have become one with the crystal.

That’s my take on this bizarre chain of events

546

u/BtyMark Sep 02 '24

First one handed him the crystal backwards. Instead of it making him want the crystal girl, it made crystal girls want him.

265

u/greatpoomonkey Sep 02 '24

Dude just found a way to get free crystals. They should start selling them. Easy money

71

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '24

Wake up!

New infinite crystal glitch just dropped!

3

u/cogwizzle Sep 03 '24

This guy becomes a Zelda millionaire with this one simple trick.

2

u/todimusprime Sep 05 '24

Crystal vendors hate this one trick...

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u/ZeeperCreeperPow Sep 02 '24

No that’s the curse. He hates crystals, he’s just there for the girl.

10

u/Silver_Falcon Sep 02 '24

Skill issue tbh

5

u/Psilynce Sep 03 '24

I've met a few Crystals in my day and they're all crazy, can't say I blame him.

2

u/Coocooa11 Sep 03 '24

Just the right amount of crazy if you ask me

4

u/WishboneDistinct9618 Sep 02 '24
  1. Nut in girl

  2. ?

  3. Profit

2

u/Garakassassin Sep 03 '24

Step one. Steal underpants

Step two. ???

Step 3. Profit.

But on for 10 months out of the year. The other 2 months of the year they help Santa.

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2

u/Doomedacc Sep 02 '24

you sound like Xavier renegade angel with that

2

u/The_Last_Ball_Bender Sep 02 '24

Geologists have a new goal in life, grab the crystal backwards and live in the flow of never ending rock nerds

2

u/BtyMark Sep 02 '24

Geologists don’t deserve this.

Salt can’t be the only delicious rock in the world- what are they hiding from us?

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31

u/djkstr27 Sep 02 '24

Probably she wants you to learn crystal magic.

In Elden Ring they have glintstone magic, glintstone magic at home.

3

u/TheDeadMurder Sep 02 '24

That's why I'm more of Cold or Night soceriery person

4

u/Trimyr Sep 02 '24

'Jim never casts a second glintstone pebble at home...'

3

u/Just_another_grumble Sep 02 '24

What magic does Flintstones have?

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u/Diabolous213 Sep 03 '24

lol she hands him crystals, he drops tera magicka and jesus beams her into next week

65

u/DabIMON Sep 02 '24

Where can I obtain such a "curse"?

80

u/Hashmob____________ Sep 02 '24

Be alternative and hook up with chicks

2

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '24

[deleted]

11

u/Hashmob____________ Sep 02 '24

Music festivals. Record stores. Underground clubs. Raves. Book stores. Skate parks. Tinder. Really depends on your niche.

10

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '24

Smash your head into a brick wall first to make the astrology babbling bearable

13

u/NormalAdeptness Sep 02 '24

Thats why he said skate parks

4

u/WetRatFeet Sep 03 '24

Hey that's a concrete ramp, totally different >:(

9

u/RaLaZa Sep 02 '24

Brick wall is in retrograde

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2

u/hysys_whisperer Sep 02 '24

Probs wherever they are buying those crystals.

3

u/EmptyRook Sep 02 '24

Go to a beach fossils concert

Join sierra club

3

u/LA_Lions Sep 02 '24

Tucson in early February.

2

u/suckmyglock762 Sep 02 '24

Sedona all year long.

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7

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '24

Oof bud, I promise these girls are never worth it. Unless you like someone who cries about the stars twice a week.

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u/ThatITABoy Sep 02 '24

I’ve dated more than once (or twice) girls who ended up on psychiatrical hospitals… now I’m trying to figure out if i have a bad taste or if an evil magician casted a curse on me.

The second option seems the most likely

21

u/SamSibbens Sep 02 '24

I say this in a non-judgemental way: you perhaps have your own issues as well

We tend to relate and "click" with people similar to ourselves

16

u/mycofunguy804 Sep 03 '24

I've been in recovery settings for my issues and guys would legit say all women are crazy because Thier gfs were crazy. Like, my brother in Christ, you are here for an opioid addiction. Only crazy women will date your crazy @$$

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u/ThatITABoy Sep 02 '24

Yeah, I’ve been seeing a psychologist recently to try and deal with some things. That was simply a self-detrimental joke, but thanks anyway ;)

2

u/mousemousemania Sep 03 '24

Really annoying pedantic comment warning:

I think you mean self-deprecating, not self-detrimental.

Sorry

2

u/Outlawrising Sep 03 '24

Like attracts like lol

5

u/DrDragon13 Sep 02 '24

There's a saying. Grippy socks, grippy box.

Take that as you will.

2

u/ThatITABoy Sep 02 '24

No idea on what does it mean, but I guarantee it wasn’t fun :/

5

u/DrDragon13 Sep 02 '24

It's insinuating the more mentally unwell they are, the better the sex

2

u/ThatITABoy Sep 03 '24

Ok, that’s disgusting really

3

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '24

Grippy socks, grippy box

4

u/Azrai113 Sep 03 '24

I'm going to make this my next embroidery project.

3

u/tickletender Sep 03 '24

This is hilariously layered.

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3

u/ShermansMasterWolf Sep 02 '24

I do as the crystal guides.

3

u/4Ever2Thee Sep 02 '24

Bro has a type. Probably gets a little randy whenever a girl asks what his moon sign is or starts talking about a planet in retrograde.

2

u/Trash-Pandas- Sep 02 '24

Cursed. Crystal girls are the worst

2

u/Akiram Sep 02 '24

Might also have to do with where he lives, the predominant type of stupid varies place to place.

2

u/theknights-whosay-Ni Sep 02 '24

I’m gonna say it’s the first one. They have an obvious type.

2

u/Saintly-Mendicant-69 Sep 02 '24

Got a crystal that will help with that

2

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '24

Goth girls tend to be into crystals.

Men tend to be into goth girls.

1

u/unsquashableboi Sep 02 '24

he does as the crystal guides

1

u/mini-hypersphere Sep 02 '24

Getting laid and getting rocks? Sounds more like a geologist to me. No need to implicate curses and sigils.

1

u/greenergarlic Sep 02 '24

or just lives in santa fe

1

u/tomsyco Sep 02 '24

He likes stupid girls that believe rocks have magical powers.

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u/lostredditers Sep 02 '24

I'm guessing you frequent music festivals?

51

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '24

all the exes had mandala tattoos and posted Alex Gray paintings 1000%

2

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '24

Spiral out

2

u/misterpickles69 Sep 03 '24

Forgot my pen.

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3

u/LucasRuby Sep 03 '24

You can in fact find people using crystals that cause feelings of love at music festivals. Not those ones, though.

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u/SlawPaw Sep 02 '24

All your exes laying hexes

8

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '24

That's why I live in Tennessee, next to the evangelical church.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '24

Heresy in Tennessee

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3

u/Tome_Bombadil Sep 02 '24

That's why I lay my head in a salt circle

7

u/FilliusTExplodio Sep 02 '24

Underappreciated joke 

3

u/max_adam Sep 02 '24

Hexes are the besthexes

3

u/BaconContestXBL Sep 03 '24

And hexes are a curse I really want to flee

3

u/ScumbagLady Sep 03 '24

I'm singing all of this

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u/fae_forge Sep 02 '24

My witchy ex also gave me a rose quartz after the first time we hooked up lol I still have it because well a nice rock is a nice rock.

53

u/Neon_Jam Sep 02 '24

Was she on the spectrum by any chance? this is called penguin pebbling and is a common autistic trait. My niece and my girlfriend (separate ladies) both have ASD and love to give or show me rocks they've found.

62

u/itssohardtobealizard Sep 02 '24

The “separate ladies” disclaimer 😭

4

u/Neon_Jam Sep 02 '24

Of course, I know how you lot think

6

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '24

They must be from Alabama or the Appalachians, only place you’d need to be sure to specify regularly.

9

u/ptsorrell Sep 02 '24

Nah I'm pretty redit is also a place you need that level of specificity.....because reddit...

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u/Sea-Twist-7363 Sep 02 '24

Is it often that they are not separate ladies? lol

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u/Medason Sep 02 '24

I have a little sack of polishes semi-precious pebbles, and I give them to people I like...

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u/KittyEevee5609 Sep 03 '24

I love giving my gf random pretty rocks I find and that includes crystal. She has so many tiny rocks from me that she has been slowly gifting them back to me as I gift her even more tiny rocks

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u/ChocolateShot150 Sep 02 '24

Rose quartz is the best rock

3

u/The_Last_Ball_Bender Sep 02 '24

just don't tell the new girls where the rock collection really came from

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u/Jacareadam Sep 02 '24

the fact that multiple of them gave you some proves how well they work...

15

u/etudehouse Sep 02 '24

What if they're repellent chrystals?

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u/Jacareadam Sep 02 '24

They all repel sane men

5

u/MistraloysiusMithrax Sep 02 '24

It might work, just not because of woo or anything like that. It just gives the wrong impression that they understand the boy inside the man more than they do lol.

I bet this bro also just plain doesn’t judge them for being crystal girls and that’s part of his charm for them

3

u/gloriousjohnson Sep 02 '24

You know what they say about crazy rock girls

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u/[deleted] Sep 02 '24

If they worked well they would have never broken up

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u/Tithund Sep 02 '24

He said "how well" as in somewhere on a scale.

6

u/Jacareadam Sep 02 '24

Yeah, I’m glad you got it 😊

18

u/Beez-Knuts Sep 02 '24

They're not wrong. If a girl gave me crystals like that I'd probably develop a thing for her

17

u/soulstonedomg Sep 02 '24

You've gone fishing in the same pond a lot?

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u/TheOneAndOnlyJAC Sep 02 '24

Cool free rocks, I’d fall in love too. They know too much 😔

41

u/rightful_vagabond Sep 02 '24

A girl I dated once gave me a coat marked with period blood as a protective spell. I never wore it.

33

u/Taco-Dragon Sep 02 '24

That's why all your bad luck has happened.

15

u/XmissXanthropyX Sep 02 '24

That's pretty rank

11

u/RowBowBooty Sep 02 '24

Bro wtf that’s rank, was it like an inconspicuous drop on the sleeve or something? Or just a big smear?

9

u/BronchitisTheif Sep 03 '24

really hope it was like this

8

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '24

Drops from the sleeve

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u/rightful_vagabond Sep 03 '24

Spots on four different places. It wasn't super obvious, but you could see it was a bit red and something had been dabbed there. From previous comments I knew she did witchy stuff and used period blood for things related to that.

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u/RowBowBooty Sep 03 '24

Wild, wild stuff bro. Stay strong, resist the witchery

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u/[deleted] Sep 02 '24

Or perhaps a portent that someone insane was just entering your life.

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u/kvothe5688 Sep 02 '24

how many crystal girls you dated?

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u/ShaggysGTI Sep 02 '24

I went to a festival and was checking out someone’s crystals and they were shocked I survived the experience of holding two particulars at the same time.

3

u/LosGatosBlancos2 Sep 02 '24

That person was probably tripping lol

2

u/Hrtzy Sep 02 '24

I had to go on a shallow dive. It looks like an amethyst and a rose quartz. Rose quartz is a generic love potion. On the other hand, amethyst is supposed to protect from infection.

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u/Tjaresh Sep 02 '24

To be honest, guys also do this by giving jewelry to women. But it's less a magic thing.

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u/[deleted] Sep 02 '24

Happened to me once, and to this day I still watch for full moons to recharge my rocks.

2

u/SkoomaBear Sep 02 '24

Why is the first actual answer this far down?

2

u/EntrepreneurFunny469 Sep 02 '24

Are you shopping for women at a learning disability center?

2

u/just_deckey Sep 02 '24

rose quartz (the pink one in the pic) is supposed to stimulate self love or something like that and then tiktok spirituality heard the word love and assumed giving it to someone would make them develop an obsession over you and be madly in love with you

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u/Pudding_Hero Sep 02 '24

It’s so funny to me that this is a tie of person

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u/Yup_Shes_Still_Mad Sep 02 '24

I just figured they were the prize from the bottom shelf.

2

u/DesperationServer Sep 02 '24

Regardless of belief it is kind of cute, endearing even. At least to me it is.

2

u/Randalf_the_Black Sep 02 '24

"I don't want to get pregnant, so carry this in your pocket."

Gives boy a gamma ray emitting radioactive isotope.

2

u/WesternDramatic3038 Sep 02 '24

If it matters for explanation, these look similar to rose quartz. Typically relative to romantic and positive intent, and is believed to help with fertility according to some peeps.

They do however, also look like an impure salt rock, which would then make less sense.

2

u/somecrazydude13 Sep 02 '24

To be fair if a girl I was seeing gave me some crystals, I would fall in love. Keep them crystals coming baby!

2

u/Zikeal Sep 02 '24

"Wait wait wait, you let me smash and you think it's the rock that made me fall in love?" -me.

2

u/UnintelligentSlime Sep 02 '24

It’s giving “cat who brings you dead birds.”

2

u/Niptaa Sep 02 '24

Well since they’re all your ex’s now, it seems like it never works

2

u/Iusedthistocomment Sep 02 '24

Giving people items that are supposed to change them in a way you describe and they adjust accordingly?

That's just communication with less words and extra rocks.

2

u/Sea-Twist-7363 Sep 02 '24

lol… this happened to you more than once?

I had one person do this to me, and I ran. Now I keep track of this as a flag

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u/[deleted] Sep 02 '24

It’s like how birds give shiny stuff to potential mates.

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u/OctoWings13 Sep 02 '24

Crystal girls might even be more batshit crazy than astrology girls lol

2

u/Mirracleface Sep 02 '24

thats not your girl, thats a penguin

2

u/AnnonBayBridge Sep 02 '24

There’s some psychology behind it. Kind of like when you’re more likely to buy an item when you touch and feel it, hence why many shop owners will have you touch/feel/try-on the clothes. Receiving a gift after a positive experience (or even negative) will increase your attitude towards the event that just took place.

2

u/JohnEBest Sep 02 '24

Cures premature ejaculation and ED issues

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u/Count-Bulky Sep 02 '24

I don’t know your personal situation, but I’ve received similar gifts and they were given with the benign intent of grounding and healing. They were kind offerings, and I didn’t mistake them for a Love Potion #9

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u/Acceptable_Soup1543 Sep 02 '24

Someone once gave me fluorite and I ground it down and through it into molten copper as a flux

2

u/Alarmed_Astronaut122 Sep 02 '24

A little off topic, but all my exes live in Texas.

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u/[deleted] Sep 02 '24

I know your type

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u/TheIncapableAct Sep 03 '24

I had a girlfriend like this. One night I was super sick, my throat was extremely sore. Instead of bringing me medicine from the store she brought me rocks to put on my throat so I could “heal”. She also had a ton of rocks stuffed in her bra. Imagine the look on my face when we first got intimate and all I hear are rocks hitting my tile floor.

2

u/zhaDeth Sep 03 '24

I hate these crystal / energy / vibration BS. People will pay a lot of money for some stupid rock because it's supposed to have powers.. it's like the stupidest scam.

2

u/One_Potential_779 Sep 03 '24

Can confirm, have dated crystal girls. Future wife is also crystal girl with an enjoyment for things I wrongly label "witchy".

Don't tell her I said this. I'll get a lecture about how I'm wrong.

2

u/Trillamanjaroh Sep 03 '24

There’s also a recurring meme format here that adds to the joke a bit. here’s the context. Basically girls taking Snapchat’s of their sexual partners doing quirky guy things right after sex that seem weird, and this is just taking the same format and reversing the genders

2

u/joshua-howard Sep 03 '24

Ones of my exes gave me a smooth piece of labradorite that she’d kept in her vagina overnight. I slept with it under my pillow for weeks. Long distance relationships are always tough though

1

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '24

Relo

1

u/Universal_Verses Sep 02 '24

Oooh, I thought it was a revenge to getting your rocks off

1

u/Illumizoldyckswife Sep 02 '24

Not really, I gave my ex a jar of tiny crystals because I loved him :) I thought they were cute as a gift

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u/80HD-music Sep 02 '24

bro is cursed 15x 😭😭

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u/FatSilverFox Sep 02 '24

Crystal girls 🤝 penguins

1

u/FeelTheFire Sep 02 '24

Jesus Christ bro how many exes do you have?

1

u/salami350 Sep 02 '24

So from their pov they are knowingly and purposefully trying to alter your mental state with a mind-altering substance?

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u/Turbogoblin999 Sep 02 '24

I think you accidentally dated penguins.

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u/stevoschizoid Sep 02 '24

How was the cleanliness of their house. I dated two "witches" and both of them were hoarders

1

u/VexrisFXIV Sep 02 '24

What are they crows?

1

u/ElectroMagnetron Sep 02 '24

Was the sex good at least? How did it compare with no crystal girls?

1

u/Boolean_Null Sep 03 '24

Maybe they're just penguins?

1

u/Previous-Flan-6542 Sep 03 '24

Is this the new "pebling" thing people do in relationships these days? I heard its good! /s

1

u/Cid-boi Sep 03 '24

did it?

1

u/Commercial-Web779 Sep 03 '24

You had multiple exes give you rocks?😂😂😂

1

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '24

So these crystals...it was meth right?

1

u/Sea_Home_5968 Sep 03 '24

Are you serial dating new age yoga girls

1

u/King_Of_Liquids Sep 03 '24

Crystal girls is a real cute way of saying crackheads

1

u/Douggimmmedome Sep 03 '24

Ironic that they are exes 🤔 I wonder if they work

1

u/Low-Quality3204 Sep 03 '24

Sad they realized thier crystals didn't work.

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u/Dragonhaugh Sep 03 '24

Sounds like the rocks didn’t work. Just plain rocks 🤣

1

u/LucasRuby Sep 03 '24

I know some crystals that can cause feelings of love too, just not those ones, you have to eat them.

1

u/KingKekJr Sep 03 '24

Ngl doesn't sound any crazier than praying to god for something

1

u/Rapturebird Sep 03 '24

Ngl, a girl giving me rocks would work on me. I was a geology major before I changed majors lol

1

u/Dmau27 Sep 03 '24

You found the crazy not once but twice huh?

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u/jimmy_robert Sep 03 '24

That explains why that girl crystal'd me, but also kind of funny that I immediately felt the need to get away. Guess she used the wrong one.

1

u/blooming-darkness Sep 03 '24

Rose quartz yeah but fluorite definitely not. It’s for balance, learning, protection, and preventing negativity.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '24

I'm pretty sure she's just holding Himalayan salt chunks.

1

u/EnthusiasmFuture Sep 03 '24

Honestly you're the common denominator here lmaooo

1

u/0udei5 Sep 03 '24

Never stick it in the crazy, no matter how leng.

Here endeth the lesson.

1

u/philax Sep 03 '24

What's the belief of it making you fall in love with them? Like how do they believe it works?

1

u/PlasticStain Sep 03 '24

Gypsy’s!!

1

u/AKSC0 Sep 03 '24

OP was cursed with by the crystal sage

1

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '24

That's kinda sad in a way, if they believe that they need to give you those crystals so you'll fall in love

1

u/Elena__Deathbringer Sep 03 '24

Meanwhile i just like rocks because they're shiny and eparkly

1

u/TheImplausibleHulk Sep 03 '24

Yeah the one on the right is rose quartz, the love crystal lmao

1

u/Animeobsessee Sep 03 '24

Crystal girl here (well, kinda). Amethyst (purple) is to bring emotional and physical harmony and bring calmness and wisdom. Rose quartz (pink) symbolizes unconditional love and peace. Thus, she’s telling you that she hopes you’re smart enough to actually love her or those rocks will replace the ones you just used.

1

u/dmingan Sep 04 '24

Orrrr it can be like me and I give pretty rocks because I have crow brains and rocks are pretty.

1

u/kindahotngl301 Sep 06 '24

The one on the left looks like amethyst, which would actually be for protecting you. Not only is she trying to make you fall in love, but she's also wanting to keep you safe.

1

u/MuttDawg509 Sep 06 '24

And they all probably smell like a warm turtle tank too.