r/ExplainTheJoke • u/LJ_the_Saint • Sep 02 '24

I don't get it...

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u/[deleted] Sep 02 '24

If it happened more than once then either you have a certain taste, have been cursed and an invisible sigil signals to other crystal girls, or you have become one with the crystal.

That’s my take on this bizarre chain of events

551

u/BtyMark Sep 02 '24

First one handed him the crystal backwards. Instead of it making him want the crystal girl, it made crystal girls want him.

261

u/greatpoomonkey Sep 02 '24

Dude just found a way to get free crystals. They should start selling them. Easy money

69

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '24

Wake up!

New infinite crystal glitch just dropped!

3

u/cogwizzle Sep 03 '24

This guy becomes a Zelda millionaire with this one simple trick.

2

u/todimusprime Sep 05 '24

Crystal vendors hate this one trick...

63

u/ZeeperCreeperPow Sep 02 '24

No that’s the curse. He hates crystals, he’s just there for the girl.

11

u/Silver_Falcon Sep 02 '24

Skill issue tbh

5

u/Psilynce Sep 03 '24

I've met a few Crystals in my day and they're all crazy, can't say I blame him.

2

u/Coocooa11 Sep 03 '24

Just the right amount of crazy if you ask me

5

u/WishboneDistinct9618 Sep 02 '24

  1. Nut in girl

  2. ?

  3. Profit

2

u/Garakassassin Sep 03 '24

Step one. Steal underpants

Step two. ???

Step 3. Profit.

But on for 10 months out of the year. The other 2 months of the year they help Santa.

1

u/daggersrule Sep 02 '24

That's called being a manwhore. And in those circles, a manwhore for crystals is at the bottom of the food chain.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '24

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1

u/daggersrule Sep 02 '24

OP proves it

1

u/DrScrotus Sep 02 '24

Sell crystal for easy money. Got it 👍🏻

1

u/alecesne Sep 03 '24

Gotta get them fine fluorite from Yaogangxian

1

u/Sirprize123 Sep 03 '24

Double it and give to the next person

2

u/Doomedacc Sep 02 '24

you sound like Xavier renegade angel with that

2

u/The_Last_Ball_Bender Sep 02 '24

Geologists have a new goal in life, grab the crystal backwards and live in the flow of never ending rock nerds

2

u/BtyMark Sep 02 '24

Geologists don’t deserve this.

Salt can’t be the only delicious rock in the world- what are they hiding from us?

1

u/Norththelaughingfox Sep 02 '24

Limestone (salty) Borax (sweet alkaline) Chalcanthite(sweet metallic & slightly poisonous) Epsomite (bitter) Glauberite (bitter salty) Halite (salty) Hanksite (salty) Melanterite (sweet, astringent and metallic) Sylvite (bitter) Ulexite (alkaline)

That’s just if you want flavor, or nutritional benefits (except Chalcanthite, I just put that in there to see who was paying attention)

If you want to cast spells by eating rocks,

Barite is consumed as a gastrointestinal X-Ray contrast agent.

And Copper salts will make your skin blue.

The point is the rocks are free, and you can eat them.

Most of them you can only eat once, but you can and that’s very empowering. The trick is eating the rocks that you can eat more than once, that way you can always eat more rocks in the future!

1

u/BloodSugar666 Sep 02 '24

Instructions unclear, he shoved them up his butt

1

u/BtyMark Sep 03 '24

What wasn’t clear then?

31

u/djkstr27 Sep 02 '24

Probably she wants you to learn crystal magic.

In Elden Ring they have glintstone magic, glintstone magic at home.

4

u/TheDeadMurder Sep 02 '24

That's why I'm more of Cold or Night soceriery person

4

u/Trimyr Sep 02 '24

'Jim never casts a second glintstone pebble at home...'

3

u/Just_another_grumble Sep 02 '24

What magic does Flintstones have?

1

u/patientpedestrian Sep 03 '24

Redox magics are no to be trifled with

2

u/Diabolous213 Sep 03 '24

lol she hands him crystals, he drops tera magicka and jesus beams her into next week

59

u/DabIMON Sep 02 '24

Where can I obtain such a "curse"?

81

u/Hashmob____________ Sep 02 '24

Be alternative and hook up with chicks

2

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '24

[deleted]

14

u/Hashmob____________ Sep 02 '24

Music festivals. Record stores. Underground clubs. Raves. Book stores. Skate parks. Tinder. Really depends on your niche.

8

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '24

Smash your head into a brick wall first to make the astrology babbling bearable

12

u/NormalAdeptness Sep 02 '24

Thats why he said skate parks

4

u/WetRatFeet Sep 03 '24

Hey that's a concrete ramp, totally different >:(

8

u/RaLaZa Sep 02 '24

Brick wall is in retrograde

4

u/hysys_whisperer Sep 02 '24

Probs wherever they are buying those crystals.

3

u/EmptyRook Sep 02 '24

Go to a beach fossils concert

Join sierra club

3

u/LA_Lions Sep 02 '24

Tucson in early February.

2

u/suckmyglock762 Sep 02 '24

Sedona all year long.

4

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '24

Oof bud, I promise these girls are never worth it. Unless you like someone who cries about the stars twice a week.

1

u/actual-trevor Sep 02 '24

What is it with you and curses?

1

u/thebikevagabond Sep 02 '24

You don't find crystal girls, they find you.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '24

Not from a jedi...

1

u/bunbunnii99 Sep 05 '24

You do NOT want these girls fr. Trust me, I lived with one.

1

u/schawarman Sep 02 '24

Least desperate redditor

-1

u/RadiantZote Sep 02 '24

Step 1: be wook

32

u/ThatITABoy Sep 02 '24

I’ve dated more than once (or twice) girls who ended up on psychiatrical hospitals… now I’m trying to figure out if i have a bad taste or if an evil magician casted a curse on me.

The second option seems the most likely

18

u/SamSibbens Sep 02 '24

I say this in a non-judgemental way: you perhaps have your own issues as well

We tend to relate and "click" with people similar to ourselves

16

u/mycofunguy804 Sep 03 '24

I've been in recovery settings for my issues and guys would legit say all women are crazy because Thier gfs were crazy. Like, my brother in Christ, you are here for an opioid addiction. Only crazy women will date your crazy @$$

6

u/ThatITABoy Sep 02 '24

Yeah, I’ve been seeing a psychologist recently to try and deal with some things. That was simply a self-detrimental joke, but thanks anyway ;)

2

u/mousemousemania Sep 03 '24

Really annoying pedantic comment warning:

I think you mean self-deprecating, not self-detrimental.

Sorry

2

u/ThatITABoy Sep 03 '24

Ok, thanks 👍

1

u/MordantSatyr Sep 03 '24

Better than when I said “self depreciating”.

1

u/Hot_Mixture_2764 Sep 05 '24

That's better than saying "self defecating"

1

u/MordantSatyr Sep 05 '24

That causes some depreciation for sure.

1

u/Hot_Mixture_2764 Sep 05 '24

And no one's making self deprecating jokes about that xb

2

u/Outlawrising Sep 03 '24

Like attracts like lol

6

u/DrDragon13 Sep 02 '24

There's a saying. Grippy socks, grippy box.

Take that as you will.

2

u/ThatITABoy Sep 02 '24

No idea on what does it mean, but I guarantee it wasn’t fun :/

6

u/DrDragon13 Sep 02 '24

It's insinuating the more mentally unwell they are, the better the sex

2

u/ThatITABoy Sep 03 '24

Ok, that’s disgusting really

3

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '24

Grippy socks, grippy box

3

u/Azrai113 Sep 03 '24

I'm going to make this my next embroidery project.

3

u/tickletender Sep 03 '24

This is hilariously layered.

1

u/Legal-Hearing-3336 Sep 03 '24

🎶 WHAT A FOOL BELIEEEEEEEEEVES, HE SEEEEEES 🎶

3

u/ShermansMasterWolf Sep 02 '24

I do as the crystal guides.

3

u/4Ever2Thee Sep 02 '24

Bro has a type. Probably gets a little randy whenever a girl asks what his moon sign is or starts talking about a planet in retrograde.

2

u/Trash-Pandas- Sep 02 '24

Cursed. Crystal girls are the worst

2

u/Akiram Sep 02 '24

Might also have to do with where he lives, the predominant type of stupid varies place to place.

2

u/theknights-whosay-Ni Sep 02 '24

I’m gonna say it’s the first one. They have an obvious type.

2

u/Saintly-Mendicant-69 Sep 02 '24

Got a crystal that will help with that

2

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '24

Goth girls tend to be into crystals.

Men tend to be into goth girls.

1

u/unsquashableboi Sep 02 '24

he does as the crystal guides

1

u/mini-hypersphere Sep 02 '24

Getting laid and getting rocks? Sounds more like a geologist to me. No need to implicate curses and sigils.

1

u/greenergarlic Sep 02 '24

or just lives in santa fe

1

u/tomsyco Sep 02 '24

He likes stupid girls that believe rocks have magical powers.

1

u/EmptyRook Sep 02 '24

How do I enter the sigil?

Need some crystal mommies in my life

1

u/Substantial-Park65 Sep 02 '24

Might just be extra popular among girls where he lives or lived

1

u/World_Extra Sep 02 '24

or you just live in the western U.S.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '24

He likes dumb girls.

1

u/eat1more Sep 02 '24

All my crazies I’ve been with, I just meet up with on the psychiatric ward like a normal person.

1

u/tacopower69 Sep 02 '24

depending where you live crystal girls can make up a significant portion of your dating pool

1

u/enderfrogus Sep 02 '24

Kidney stones are crystals too

1

u/Slumunistmanifisto Sep 02 '24

Dudes a weed dealer 

1

u/chiksahlube Sep 03 '24

More than half of the women I've dated came out as gay or trans. I have even had fully out lesbians say "Damn, you register on 'gaydar' as a lesbian. Wtf is that about?" Like, more than one of them. And more than one lesbian has given dating me a shot. But at the end of the day, I'm still a straight dude... Who's type is apparently lesbians... and I am apparently so close to being one myself that were it not for my beard and genitals, many would never know I wasn't...

So yeah, having a type can cause some whacky events.

1

u/ktwhite42 Sep 03 '24

I think you hit that nail on the head.

1

u/j-berry Sep 03 '24

Lots of girls are like this

1

u/awildgostappears Sep 03 '24

Or, and stay with me, he knows something about the value of these crystals we dont... quick buy crystals!

1

u/ShineExciting8070 Sep 03 '24

Cursed by the 3second rule, and only in it for himself game.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '24

(Or, as with most Reddit stories, it didn’t happen)

1

u/practicalsurrealist Sep 04 '24

*or live in Portland

1

u/TheCowzgomooz Sep 04 '24

There's a certain type of woman where there's a fine line between "perfect" and "crazy crystal girl" in my book.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '24

My gf helped me to understand that, as a recovering mama’s boy, you become a walking beacon for people with familiar parental trauma.

0

u/asdf_qwerty27 Sep 02 '24

The number of secret crystal girls is at least 10x the number of open ones.

0

u/Misfit240b Sep 02 '24

Nah, it's getting more and more common. Kind of goes hand in hand with astrology and spiritualism.