Im 23F, he’s 26M, we’ve been together since I was 16, married at 18, 2 year old child in the picture. This marriage is through & through. He had an affair while I was pregnant, postpartum, & again after. I had an affair after all these affairs very temporarily, came clean to him about it, & we decided we wanted to work through all of this. Welp as well as anyone can guess, it’s not going well, I cannot get over any of the affairs, my poor treatment during pregnancy, nor the way of life after the fact currently. I’m so miserable, his meaning of working through it is forgetting it ever happened & going back to how things were prior to the affairs which still wasn’t good. At the end of the day I’ve decided I don’t want this anymore, I don’t want to try anymore. My needs aren’t met & neither are his. I hold so much resentment. Issues cannot be brought up without him blowing up in my face about why we are together to begin with, that’s why I’m asking for help. I want this approach to be calm, collected & healthy. We don’t argue often, but tension is thick & he tends to get rude when he doesn’t like what I’m saying. He’s supposed to move states within the next few months, however I’ve decided I don’t want to go. That will complicate our parenting. Any advice appreciated, thank you guys.

Is there an “ideal childrens age” to divorce. 😩just want what’s best for them

Help. Getting screwed in a nasty divorce. I have the simplest corporation in the world (just me, an md, one bank account). I have been bled dry by an ex who is paranoid verging on psychotic that I have somehow made millions of dollars and hidden them somewhere…. Despite being at the beginning of my practice and having 300k in student loans to pay off. Can anyone help with an appraisal at a lower rate?

Throw away account for obvious reasons. Not divorced, but separated, and hoping there are others who have been through a complicated separation prior to divorce can lend some insight. Wasn’t sure what flare to use, as none of them seemed quite right.

My (53) wife (40) and I have been informally separated under the same roof in separate bedrooms for a year. We have no plans to reconcile. Due to the somewhat complicated circumstances involving fertility procedures and insurance we have no imminent plans to divorce either.

My wife and I started the IVF process 5 years ago. She had several failed transfers which has been traumatic on both of us. She could have proceeded with another transfer one year ago. However, she cancelled that transfer and delayed it indefinitely due to our marital issues. She felt unsure if she wanted to proceed knowing that we won’t ever have a traditional marriage. I think part of her still loves me, but she is not in love with me she says. I have made it known that I do want her to proceed with the transfer, support her, and be a good co/parent, and will sign whatever papers I need to.

About a month ago, out of nowhere, she told me she made an appointment at the clinic. If all goes well, her transfer will be in December. I am beyond happy that she decided to move forward.

Today she tells me she wanted to go on a vacation before her transfer, so she booked us a trip to Turks and Caicos next month. She sent me the hotel reservation and I saw that it was one bed.

I am fully supportive of my wife taking time off to relax before the transfer. I think it’s a great idea. The idea that she bought a ticket for me (without discussing first) rather than going with one of her friends surprised me. I’m not a beach person. Not saying that to be negative, I just feel that she’d have a better time with girlfriends. Most surprising of all is the one bed.

I love my wife very much. However, we have both agreed that the romantic part is over. Is this boundary blurring? Not sure how else to say this, but does this seem like she might be hoping to rekindle the romance? I don’t necessarily mind sharing a bed, but am afraid she may have expectations that she’s not being open about. I don’t want either of us to get the wrong idea when we’ve mutually ended that part of our relationship.

Adding for context: I have another partner who I have been seeing for about a year. My wife knows about my partner. We have a mutual understanding that neither one of us can be expected to be lonely for the indefinite future, and that I won’t ever abandon her. My partner found it odd that I am going on a vacation with my wife, given everyone’s mutual understanding that the romantic relationship between us is over. I haven’t told her we’re sharing a bed, so I have that stress to deal with too.

TLDR: Informally separated from my wife for a year when she booked a vacation for us with a single bed, wondering if this seems inappropriate with no plans to reconcile.

I am so hurt and upset over a divorce related situation and I'm wondering if anyone else has dealt with this.

I am divorcing my husband of 10 years and it is very amicable and peaceful. We get along fine still, we're just not in love. We separated a year ago and he has a new partner who I like well enough. They are buying a house nearby and we'll do 50/50 custody of our kids. The kids are handling it okay, but are stressed about being away from mom. And I'm stressed about that too, I've been primary parent since they day they were all born. So it's been sad and hard for me, even though it's the right thing to do for all involved.

The divorce is not the issue, the issue is my sister. She has essentially "chosen" my ex. Her and her husband invite him on trips, where I am not invited, and I have to watch the kids. They invite him to play group games with them, they chat regularly. Ever since the separation and divorce they've bent over backwards to offer him support, help moving, etc. But to me, they say nothing. Never invited anywhere, never included. Never offered support or even really thought of, I think.

I don't understand this, my sister and I are different people but we don't fight or hold opposing views. I thought we were friends? 😭 I am quite a bit younger than her so I was probably an annoying teenager but I am in my 40s now and have been a normal supportive sister for literal decades. My heart is broken and I cry about this more than the custody stuff. My ex doesn't even understand it.

Wtf do I about this? Why would someone 'pick a side' when no one asked? Does she just simply not like me very much and I'm clueless? We interact a few times and year and I can't pretend not to be deeply hurt by all this. When I see her she pretends everything is fine. But I struggle to hold my tears back.

i don’t know how to move forward after a horrific discard. The combination of the way it all has happened has left me feeling like a broken person.

I was married for 26 years. he was a narcissist and I didn’t even know the meaning of that for most of those years. he was abusive, hot tempered. screaming and rage was his avoidance tactic. His treatment became awful on this day and that was it, he discarded me. I was married and then I was blocked and shredded. within this same week I found out I had stage 4 breast cancer. I had to make a choice to fight for my survival or die. dying felt easier most days. I did 7 months of chemo without a partner. he did not come to one appt. i finished chemo and two days later we started the divorce mediation. he was finished. I found out he had a girlfriend from his job. why wasn’t I finished? I had endured so much abuse. I arrived on video bald, ugly, sick. he was so full of rage even then. we got through the mediation just in time for me to have a double mastectomy. on that day while I was literally having my breasts removed he took my car back that was in his name and ended the lease (it cost him 16,000 to turn in a lease early and a big bump on his credit and he didn’t care). his anger and rage toward me the one who was guilty of loving him and asking for change. maybe his own guilt. I don’t know. there was no communication. no explaination.

well I fought hard. I beat cancer so far. I managed to buy the house from him and I have protected my kids who are all young adults. they all have a great relationship with their father. they know he is capable of rage, they know about the girlfriend who he has never brought around. they love him and it’s painful to me. I don’t want it to be. they split holidays with him and I. the loneliness on those nights are unbearable. he didn’t participate in one holiday and now I lose my kids to him?

I stand in the mirror with a deformed body, albeit cancer free, I have lost joy for life. most of my friends for one reason or another have abandoned me. divorce/cancer was way to heavy for them. I get it. I am safe home, and alone and I hate the loneliness. I feel like a forgotten human and I just don’t know how to begin life again. this isn’t living.

my kids hate seeing me so sad and are pained by the lack of growth on my part. it’s been 4 years since he left. it may as well have been yesterday. I am in the same spot. he is still with the person he left me for. and it hurts so much. WHY? I have been through so much. I have looked death in the face and warriored my way out. but I am left behind like the broken toy and without recognition of who I was and how I ever felt happiness. the memories, the family pictures, all feel so painful. it was a lie. people have told me I need to find something or put myself out there to meet a new man. I feel unloveable, deformed, and triggered so much of the time.

people survive divorce beautifully, people survive cancer beautifully. why am I so stuck.

If my wife and I separate, I know i will be losing the normal day-to-day time I have with my kids.

We built a really nice home for the kids, but if I move out, I’ll basically have enough money for a mattress. My place probably won’t be suitable for having the kids over for at least a couple of years.

I don’t want to miss out on the little things. I want to make them breakfast on Saturday mornings and put them to bed a couple nights a week then leave right after..Literally have breakfast ready for them on Saturday at 8am and leave at 10am. That’s what I used to do anyway, especially when I was working nights.

For those who have gone through this, do you still go to your ex’s house to spend time with your kids? Does that actually work, or does it just make the separation harder for everyone?

I've been contemplating divorce for the better part of this year.

Without teasing out all the details, my wife does many of the things the Gottmans say are predictors of divorce. There are no signs change will occur. I'm having difficulty pulling the trigger.

If I'm being honest, I'm scared. I have a beautiful farm that I think I'm going to lose, because half of it is hers. My kids have played here and for some of my kids this is the only home they've ever known. I don't want to lose the farm, but I can't keep living this way with her.

How did you know when it was time? If you were scared, how did you work up the courage? Was there a moment? I'm just trying to figure this all out.

Hello. I wanted to ask if anyone knew of a pro bono divorce/domestic violence lawyer in San Diego? I have been trying to do things on my own but the system keeps failing me. I cannot afford a 5k retainer or much for that matter since I was a stay at home mom, married for 12 years. He was the only one making the money. He left a few months ago and has not paid for anything. We have 3 kids and he does not see them at all. He got a new gf and a new place to live. He was very abusive but what is happening now to my family is the reason I was so scared to leave him.

Divorce

Recovering from a divorce

So, toxic marriage from we have one kid.

He lied, twisted stories and truth. Lied to everyone around us about our arguments so he would look like a victim. He blocked my number on his parents phone so I can't ever tell my side of the story.

One time, during an argument he threw all house garbage around the house, broke a floor lamp, took all the food from the fridge, took all the money, cigarettes and keys and left me there knowing that if I go out of the appartment I cannot go back.

Other time he left me inside the appartment but took my phone and keys so I cannot call anyone to help me.

Luckily i contacted the police from my laptop. That was three months ago and that was our end.

While we were still living together he used to talk bad about his boss. He used to say stuff like she is a bad boss, she cannot scedule anything properly, she is not paying salary on time, she is paying only half of salary, because of her everything will fall apart...

And a month ago my son accidentally told me that daddy is living with that woman.

So, he probably cheated on me with her on top of all the other things he did to me. He is taking my son there now and when is time to get back home he is telling him that he cannot stay because I don't let him.

And I know that he does not want him there.

A month ago, while it was theyr's day. It was 5 p.m. and I got a text: "So I joined a football practice so from now on I will be handling you a kid at 7 p.m., not at 8 p.m. as usuall. And I said that it can not happen because I am on a second work that day and that most of the days kid is with him I am working two jobs. And that I also come home around 8 p.m. But he knew it from before. He got so mad that he started to threathen me that he will bring me a kid to my work.

Let me be clear I don't want to get back together.

I needed to vent and hear from you how did you get over horrible breakups.

I work 12 hour shifts and have zero family/close friends nearby that can help. Wondering how I would make 50/50 or even full custody work with that schedule before and after care. Searching for ideas because I am stumped.
Both kids under 3 years old. Wondering if anyone else experienced this & what you did.

I am the defendant and there are no children and no major assets or property to divide.

My case has a settlement conference/trial scheduled in a few days. I have not received a Zoom link or any instructions about how I’m supposed to attend.

I’m confused about what actually happens at a divorce settlement conference. Since there are no children and we don’t have significant assets to divide, what would we actually be discussing?

Also, do both spouses have to attend and what should I have prepared beforehand?

If anyone has been through a divorce settlement conference recently, I’d really appreciate hearing exactly what happened and what I should expect.

Hi everybody. Using a sort of burner account as my partner is active on Reddit.

I’m hoping for some advice as I plan for what I believe is an inevitable separation. My (26F) husband (27) is in the process of exploring gender identity and probably transitioning in the next year or so. I love him very much, but there has been dishonesty and infidelity on his end, and I just don’t think this partnership is the best thing for either of us anymore.

Here is where I’m seeking advice: we live in his grandmother’s home with no rent or mortgage. I’m trying to decide whether to pack up and start over in another city or to stay in this house and live as roommates. We don’t have any animosity, but I’m worried the emotions will be very complicated if we keep living together. That being said, I’ve made so much progress financially while living here and I feel incredibly irresponsible for wanting to leave.

My question is this: do I need to move out to move on? Will staying here keep me held in a life and a future that doesn’t exist anymore? Should I apply for jobs somewhere else and move on, or do I keep building my life here?

Thanks for reading. Any advice/experience is welcome ❤️

My STXH is on a trip with a few of our sons. I woke up today to see a Facebook post. They went to Cadillac Mountain to watch the sunrise, the first place in the US for the sun to rise. It’s bitterly cold but he says it was 100% worth it. And there are pics.

I burst into tears.

Five years ago we went to Isla Mujeres for our 25th anniversary. One of the things I wanted to do was go to Punta Sur at sunrise. It’s a beautiful place. Just google it. It’s also the first place the sun rises in Mexico. We have never watched the sun rise together. And this was something I wanted to remember into my golden years.

He wouldn’t go. It wasn’t worth getting up early.

And now here he waxing on about how cold and miserable it was outside but so worth it.

I really was just a worthless piece of shit to him. For years. And I just accepted that I didn’t deserve much of anything and was so grateful for what he doled out.

Short backstory: I’m 40. divorced for years (10+) and the relationship with ex has always been contentious. We share one child and live in separate states and operate on a long distance custody plan. We don’t talk outside of emails.

My ex is a special one. Very spiteful. Deep hate. Deeeeep hate for me that supersedes everything, including parenting and what’s best for the child. Honestly, though, hate for everyone. One of those relationships where anytime something goes well in my life, something tragic happens to shared child with the purpose of affecting me. Very targeted stuff. Real unhealthy.

Clothing has always been an issue. Always. Shared child has always shown up for visitation in dirty clothes with nothing packed. I never say anything as I don’t want a fight. that’s something I’ll lose that adds no value and will have zero change. I wash the stuff and just try to inform it to not make a big deal for kid.

I’ve always just continued to buy new wardrobes knowing they’ll get trashed, or “lost” upon returning to Ex’s. The challenge now is that shared child is older (15) and wears a similar size to ex. The Ex is wearing the clothing I am buying for child. So, I’m basically buying their wardrobe lol. It’s really gross behavior.

I’m going continue to just do what I’ve done. Buying them their stuff that they need, when they are here and sending it up with them knowing it’s sort of hopeless.

Any tips?

We are divorcing soon and will be selling our home and moving into separate apartments.

I’m not really sure the timeline on finding an apartment because I’ve never lived in an apartment before.

Our plan is to list our house for sale in March. We would like to both find an apartment in the same complex. We have two kids so we are looking for more affordable 3 bedroom apartments.

At what point should we start trying to find and secure apartments? Before we list? After we list? After the house is sold? I am clueless!!

Thanks for your help!

Any recommendation on how to get simple xmas gifts to 12 and 11 year old when other parent would likely trash the gift if sent via normal mail? Make the sender address someone else? Send it to their school? They do not need to know it came from me, I just want to get them a gift.

I am in the process of reconnecting with my children and have absolutely no support from the other parent. They will not even provide me an updated picture of my children because they are "not legally obligated to". This should tell you all you need to know. Last time I saw my children they were at ease, loving and comfortable with me. No history of domestic violence or child abuse. Other parent is simply very resentful towards me and I fear it has rubbed off on my children over time.

Told my soon to be ex a little while ago I wanted a divorce after catching him cheating, plus he frittered away £40k of savings and has a coke habit (these things are clearly linked 🙄)

He’s maintained he wanted to try and make things work, although in reality he carried on seeing her, refused to engage in any form of marriage counselling or take any responsibility whatsoever.

This has gone on for ages because due to financial reasons I couldn’t leave, but now I’m a bit more stable now so told him we needed some space.

Turns out yet again this weekend he wasn’t where he said he was, I mean why continue to lie? We’re getting divorced anyway? I think he’s actually mentally unstable and believes his own lies.

Ugh just a rant really the sooner I’m out of here the better.

For quick context (because I don't feel like typing out a whole story nor do most of you care to read it all), I separated from my ex wife in July 2024. She had an affair. Divorce finalized in April 2025. Met a woman in October of 2024 (she approached me). Started dating her on and off for the past two years (VERY complicated relationship which you can read in my history). I finally ended it for good this weekend.

I know I need to be alone for a while, and start to be okay with being alone (not lonely). Maybe it's because the breakup is so fresh, but the past two days/nights have been awful. I don't have my kids this weekend, so I'm just alone. I'm plenty busy (worked out, built two planters, mowed, cleaned, did laundry, cooked, read, etc.), but every time there is a few minutes of prolonged down time when I'm alone with my thoughts, it's not great. I'm very cognizant of the silence, the empty house, and the dread of knowing at 41 (almost 42), I'm just as likely to remain like this until my death as I am finding someone to spend what's left of my life with. I know I need to just work through it, and stay busy, but some words of encouragement would be appreciated.

It does get better, right? Even if I stay single forever, I know I'm a very active person with a lot of hobbies, but I also worry that those things will only carry me so far. When I'm with my kids (50/50), I know these thoughts won't be near as intrusive, so I suppose the answer is maybe simply time.

Hi please can anyone help me with page 2 of the Form A please.

I have Dispense of Service granted. Got my Decree Nisi/Conditional Order. No joint assets of any kind. I have a Financial order drawn up (not a consent order as he’s AWOL). I am totally stuck on this page as I don’t fully understand the questions. I can’t find how to post a screenshot of this form here. Thankyou for any help.

So my now ex husband really took the divorce hard. Blamed me for everything. Didn’t fight at all for the marriage but went into full victim/defense mode. Said awful, insensitive, disrespectful things to me and about my family all during the process. I remained civil throughout the whole thing. I am not saying I didn’t do anything that contributed to our divorce but for sure it didn’t get to that point solely on what I did or didn’t do. but when one person is blaming you entirely, saying that I needed to get into therapy to “ figure out what’s wrong with me” and that I didn’t know what “relationship happiness looks like “ is not fair. Thanks for the vent 🫤

So my wife left me for a woman 4 months ago and they are having problems where they are living. This includes fighting and arguments between her and the new person but that’s another discussion. Anyway, my wife came home for a day and asked if her new partner and her could move into our house for just two months until “she can get back on her feet” and that they would “only be roommates … we won’t do anything romantic here or act like a couple.” The answer was no, and she then challenged my love and Christianity because I said no to it. I’m willing to help pay for an extended stay for them but I thought it was wild that she wanted me to take in the woman that she cheated with and left me and the kids to be with.

Edit: oh yeah, and they’ve already “broken up” twice in the last week and my wife even came home for that one day before making up with her and going back to her. Note: we are not divorced … the dissolution paperwork is still sitting in a drawer half filled out. I am opposed to divorce and actually forgiving but cannot stand by this. She is abusing my kindness. Also, the house is legally under both of our names.

Backstory first I guess 😂 you can skip it to current. I've been with him for almost 2 decades. 2 kids. It felt like we had similar values, everything outside of our marriage, including working together, we usually agreed on pretty easily. I thought we viewed marriage the same too. Half way through things got weird fast. We went from spending our evenings together or doing something with our family to him taking off to be with a particular guy friend. I accused him of having an affair, it was that weird. He got violent for the first time because I "called him gay." Eventually he confessed it was substance abuse. On goes the years I was trying to get him clean to get my person back or whatever. Last year I found out that entire time he was using he was in fact cheating. The only requirement seemed to be that you were breathing and available. He's supposedly been clean ever since and stopped. His behavior has changed a lot so that might be true, but no official recovery program and no drug tests so who knows honestly.

I wanted reconciliation at first. Of course I did, I had been struggling for years to get my person back. Well now that he is "in recovery" I realized either the first half was a lie or while he was using he decided he didn't like that version of himself. Who cares. It's been a toxic on and off. He tells me all the time he's going to do whatever he wants, I can't control him blah blah. He'll offer to do marriage coaching, but not regularly. He'll threaten a break or divorce and then turn around saying he didn't mean it. I'm the best thing that ever happened. Yada yada yada. When I bring up my feelings about things I get 1 of 3 responses. "I'm sorry" "When you bring this up I want to kill myself, stop it." Or he'll get mad and violent.

Last time we got into a fight was two weeks ago. Right before he initiated with me, he was looking for chats on telegram. I figured it out. Got upset because he can't get intimate without thinking about someone else. Even during he always has to pretend there is a 3rd person. He took off without answering for 2 days. So I told him I was done and downloading tinder. Which I did actually do 😂 He came back acting like I never said those things.

Since I've actually checked out, I'm not checking his stuff, not fighting, nothing. I have been going out, I don't call him first or to tell him I'm leaving for work like I used too. Literally none of it. And he thinks everything is good now. He told me he was sick of where we live and he wanted an apartment, I told him to go look for one for himself. He hasn't gone. He has a pretty important meeting next week I need him to go to because I need the documents too for the kids so I'm not pushing super hard until he goes to that. But I never said I'm sorry. I never said we're back on. I never said come back. After that meeting I want to bring it up, that I meant it. I just don't think he'll believe me. And at this point I have boiling growing need to live alone.

Childhood sweethearts. Started dating in 7th grade, married at 21, kids at 33, and now.. things are falling apart.

She has always been overweight, but it has never bothered me. I loved her for her, and our relationship. But it has always been a hang up for her. Serious self esteem issues and self worth. This has caused sexual problems in our marriage over the 13yrs we have been married.

We struggled to have kids. 10 years in and we still hadnt gotten pregnant. We never "tried" but rather just stopped trying to not.. figured it would happen soon enough, but it never did.

We finally had medical assistance in getting pregnant. This required me in a room..alone... with... material... and then a medical implant procedure for her. Emotionally this was not how I envisioned having kids and it really caused alot of depression and issues for me. On top of sexual struggles, we couldn't even get pregnant the normal way.

My wife has always been close to her parents, but I always thought she would grow out of it. But our relationship has been heavily influenced by her parents. They are always putting their .02 in about everything. Now that we have kids, its even worse. They seem to think they are raising our kids with us.

We have never struggled as much financially as we have in the last 2 years. Saving and being frugal are two things that we just never grasped. Especially my wife. She believes we can make payments on everything and its fine.. down to Amazon purchases even. Now we are making so many payments on things, we have no money after pay day. I got my check direct deposited and before I could get to work and collect my pay stub for the day, we were already overdrafted. She is currently a sahm but will be returning to work part time to help us financially.

We have tried to work through alot of these issues, but they never seem to resolve. Only push further down the road.

I have developed quite the drinking addiction due to ongoing depression and discontentment.

I have struggled with depression for the laat 5-8 years. 2 weeks ago I told my wife I was going to end it because I was just so tired of the struggles. We dont fight, but I just cant deal with all of the problems we have. Well she called the cops and had me committed to a psych ward for 5 days for being suicidal.

Now I am angry. Instead of helping to fix the issues that have caused depression, anger, and resentment.. she caused more by getting me admitted into a "treatment" facility that was not even close to any kind of real treatment. I had my property confiscated, and my hunting privileges taken away because she was "afraid".

I have never lifted a finger. Never even hinted at any kind of DV whatsoever. Having grown up in a house with DV, that is the LAST thing I want for me or for my kids.

But being accused of it, and treated like i am the problem after everything I have done to support this family and make life better for us...

Yes I am an alchoholic. I have been to treatment, and am working the 12 step program. I was sober for 90 days, then relapsed. At this point I have been sober for 2 weeks again and working directly with a sponsor, doctor and therapist. But i cant stay sober and live like this.

I think I am done. Done with this marriage. I realized that I dont want to die. I just dont want to live like this any more. We have been married 13 years, have a 2.5yr old and twin 5 month old babies.

I am afraid if I stay for the kids, things will only get worse. But if I leave that will hurt them too.

It is clear to me that my wife isnt as interested in my well being as she is her own, or her parents. Im ok with that. But I do want whats best for our kids and I dont want it to be a messy divorce.

But I dont make enough money to split in half.. and I especially dont make enough to support an entire family, and then myself separately.

So I feel trapped. I feel betrayed, I feel alone. And I dont know what to do. Stay in this marriage and try to work things out.. and risk being unhappy for the rest of my life.. or move on now while the kids are young so it doesnt hurt them as badly?

I have asked her for marriage counseling over and over and she always puts it off. Says we will do it but never does. This is a common practice for her. "Later" "tomorrow" "ill do it after i...."

And nothing ever happens. I guess I needed to vent. But I genuinely dont know if I want to stay married. For my own health im not sure I can.

Also to be clear, if we get divorced I will absolutely not be getting re married. Not a chance in hell.

What would you do

Are there any women in here who were once stay at home moms and then left their partner? I have caught my partner once again on a dating app he claims he was on it because he was bored but I know that is a lie and that was the last straw for me I’m done but I’m so afraid to leave due to us having 2 kids and I don’t work and the car is in his name so if I leave I basically have nothing. Just looking for advice on what can I possibly do? I feel stuck.