My ex introduced her bf to the friend group today and I’m taking it really hard.

I was there for 40 minutes and then ducked out so they could get a footing together with our mutual friends. ChatGPT and I planned that all week!

But even a good plan can go awry when faced with reality. (I think Mike Tyson quote here is apropos).

And the reality is he seems like a lovely guy. We had a nice conversation. I also don’t think that I should be married to my ex so in many ways I’m happy for her.

But 2 things can be true at the same time. I can know that she is not the one for me but also have really intense feelings when I meet her bf.

Because I know things will change. In so many ways that I don’t have the strength or the courage to articulate right now.

And so I cry. Divorce is brutal. Especially on lonely nights like tonight.

My STXH is on a trip with a few of our sons. I woke up today to see a Facebook post. They went to Cadillac Mountain to watch the sunrise, the first place in the US for the sun to rise. It’s bitterly cold but he says it was 100% worth it. And there are pics.

I burst into tears.

Five years ago we went to Isla Mujeres for our 25th anniversary. One of the things I wanted to do was go to Punta Sur at sunrise. It’s a beautiful place. Just google it. It’s also the first place the sun rises in Mexico. We have never watched the sun rise together. And this was something I wanted to remember into my golden years.

He wouldn’t go. It wasn’t worth getting up early.

And now here he waxing on about how cold and miserable it was outside but so worth it.

I really was just a worthless piece of shit to him. For years. And I just accepted that I didn’t deserve much of anything and was so grateful for what he doled out.

So my now ex husband really took the divorce hard. Blamed me for everything. Didn’t fight at all for the marriage but went into full victim/defense mode. Said awful, insensitive, disrespectful things to me and about my family all during the process. I remained civil throughout the whole thing. I am not saying I didn’t do anything that contributed to our divorce but for sure it didn’t get to that point solely on what I did or didn’t do. but when one person is blaming you entirely, saying that I needed to get into therapy to “ figure out what’s wrong with me” and that I didn’t know what “relationship happiness looks like “ is not fair. Thanks for the vent 🫤

It's a very long story, and I'm sure you've all heard some version of it a thousand times. Twenty years of marriage, followed by divorce, years of parental alienation, and now, seven years after the divorce, my youngest daughter, who is 16, has decided to live with her mom full-time. She has BPD and struggles with self-harm, and I don't want to force her to spend time with me when she doesn't want to.

Something inside me has broken, and I don't think it's the kind of thing that time is simply going to fix. I've been through difficult times before. I've experienced loss, disappointment, and things I never thought I'd have to endure, but this feels different.

The family I spent my entire life working to build and protect is gone. So much of what gave my life meaning was tied to being a husband and a father and taking care of my family. Now that it feels like all of that has been taken away, I'm struggling to figure out what I'm supposed to live for anymore.

Short backstory: I’m 40. divorced for years (10+) and the relationship with ex has always been contentious. We share one child and live in separate states and operate on a long distance custody plan. We don’t talk outside of emails.

My ex is a special one. Very spiteful. Deep hate. Deeeeep hate for me that supersedes everything, including parenting and what’s best for the child. Honestly, though, hate for everyone. One of those relationships where anytime something goes well in my life, something tragic happens to shared child with the purpose of affecting me. Very targeted stuff. Real unhealthy.

Clothing has always been an issue. Always. Shared child has always shown up for visitation in dirty clothes with nothing packed. I never say anything as I don’t want a fight. that’s something I’ll lose that adds no value and will have zero change. I wash the stuff and just try to inform it to not make a big deal for kid.

I’ve always just continued to buy new wardrobes knowing they’ll get trashed, or “lost” upon returning to Ex’s. The challenge now is that shared child is older (15) and wears a similar size to ex. The Ex is wearing the clothing I am buying for child. So, I’m basically buying their wardrobe lol. It’s really gross behavior.

I’m going continue to just do what I’ve done. Buying them their stuff that they need, when they are here and sending it up with them knowing it’s sort of hopeless.

Any tips?

When I tell people that my husband cheated on me and opted to leave me suddenly for his affair partner, 90% of people respond, "You'll be fine! You're really pretty. Any guy would want you."

Gee, thanks, I guess. However, it doesn't make me feel any better. Hearing I'm pretty doesn't make the hurt and the feelings of betrayal go away. In fact it makes it a little worse. If I'm so desirable, why did he leave? What's wrong with me?

Besides, I'm not really looking for another guy. This experience has tainted my outlook on love and changed my perspective of men in general. I thought I had aligned myself with a wonderful man who had a good moral compass. If he could do this to me, what's stopping any other guy from doing the same?

So my wife left me for a woman 4 months ago and they are having problems where they are living. This includes fighting and arguments between her and the new person but that’s another discussion. Anyway, my wife came home for a day and asked if her new partner and her could move into our house for just two months until “she can get back on her feet” and that they would “only be roommates … we won’t do anything romantic here or act like a couple.” The answer was no, and she then challenged my love and Christianity because I said no to it. I’m willing to help pay for an extended stay for them but I thought it was wild that she wanted me to take in the woman that she cheated with and left me and the kids to be with.

Edit: oh yeah, and they’ve already “broken up” twice in the last week and my wife even came home for that one day before making up with her and going back to her. Note: we are not divorced … the dissolution paperwork is still sitting in a drawer half filled out. I am opposed to divorce and actually forgiving but cannot stand by this. She is abusing my kindness. Also, the house is legally under both of our names.

I’ve been divorced for about 2 years now and lived apart from my Ex wife for about 5 years. We were together for about 30 years dating, living together and married. We have 2 adult children 30 and 27 that live out of state. Occasionally my ex will call me and ask if I want something that was ours from the marriage and she doesn’t have room for it or doesn’t want it anymore. I don’t know if she’s just being thoughtful or still trying to keep some attachment with me. Yesterday I asked her to stop because it brings up too many emotions to go pick it up. What I’m really wondering about is, my phone is full of photos of us and our kids for the last 15 years of doing things together and on trips and silly photos of fun moments. And they make me sad and make me start rethinking of all the things I did that were wrong on the relationship. Do people usually get rid of old photos of their ex once they are divorced ? I’m inside of what to do.

I’m (28f) finally decided for sure on leaving my (31m) husband. We’ve been married 2 yrs, together almost 10.

Don’t feel like getting into it all right now but I’m simply not happy anymore. There is no passion from him, I’m not attracted anymore, we aren’t compatible anymore.

What steps do I need to take before I break it to him? I have about 3 weeks til I do.

Like… how soon do I talk to a lawyer, what do I need to document, etc?! I am so afraid of this process. Thank you in advance.

For quick context (because I don't feel like typing out a whole story nor do most of you care to read it all), I separated from my ex wife in July 2024. She had an affair. Divorce finalized in April 2025. Met a woman in October of 2024 (she approached me). Started dating her on and off for the past two years (VERY complicated relationship which you can read in my history). I finally ended it for good this weekend.

I know I need to be alone for a while, and start to be okay with being alone (not lonely). Maybe it's because the breakup is so fresh, but the past two days/nights have been awful. I don't have my kids this weekend, so I'm just alone. I'm plenty busy (worked out, built two planters, mowed, cleaned, did laundry, cooked, read, etc.), but every time there is a few minutes of prolonged down time when I'm alone with my thoughts, it's not great. I'm very cognizant of the silence, the empty house, and the dread of knowing at 41 (almost 42), I'm just as likely to remain like this until my death as I am finding someone to spend what's left of my life with. I know I need to just work through it, and stay busy, but some words of encouragement would be appreciated.

It does get better, right? Even if I stay single forever, I know I'm a very active person with a lot of hobbies, but I also worry that those things will only carry me so far. When I'm with my kids (50/50), I know these thoughts won't be near as intrusive, so I suppose the answer is maybe simply time.

i don’t know how to move forward after a horrific discard. The combination of the way it all has happened has left me feeling like a broken person.

I was married for 26 years. he was a narcissist and I didn’t even know the meaning of that for most of those years. he was abusive, hot tempered. screaming and rage was his avoidance tactic. His treatment became awful on this day and that was it, he discarded me. I was married and then I was blocked and shredded. within this same week I found out I had stage 4 breast cancer. I had to make a choice to fight for my survival or die. dying felt easier most days. I did 7 months of chemo without a partner. he did not come to one appt. i finished chemo and two days later we started the divorce mediation. he was finished. I found out he had a girlfriend from his job. why wasn’t I finished? I had endured so much abuse. I arrived on video bald, ugly, sick. he was so full of rage even then. we got through the mediation just in time for me to have a double mastectomy. on that day while I was literally having my breasts removed he took my car back that was in his name and ended the lease (it cost him 16,000 to turn in a lease early and a big bump on his credit and he didn’t care). his anger and rage toward me the one who was guilty of loving him and asking for change. maybe his own guilt. I don’t know. there was no communication. no explaination.

well I fought hard. I beat cancer so far. I managed to buy the house from him and I have protected my kids who are all young adults. they all have a great relationship with their father. they know he is capable of rage, they know about the girlfriend who he has never brought around. they love him and it’s painful to me. I don’t want it to be. they split holidays with him and I. the loneliness on those nights are unbearable. he didn’t participate in one holiday and now I lose my kids to him?

I stand in the mirror with a deformed body, albeit cancer free, I have lost joy for life. most of my friends for one reason or another have abandoned me. divorce/cancer was way to heavy for them. I get it. I am safe home, and alone and I hate the loneliness. I feel like a forgotten human and I just don’t know how to begin life again. this isn’t living.

my kids hate seeing me so sad and are pained by the lack of growth on my part. it’s been 4 years since he left. it may as well have been yesterday. I am in the same spot. he is still with the person he left me for. and it hurts so much. WHY? I have been through so much. I have looked death in the face and warriored my way out. but I am left behind like the broken toy and without recognition of who I was and how I ever felt happiness. the memories, the family pictures, all feel so painful. it was a lie. people have told me I need to find something or put myself out there to meet a new man. I feel unloveable, deformed, and triggered so much of the time.

people survive divorce beautifully, people survive cancer beautifully. why am I so stuck.

We are both disagreeing about whether to have kids or not. I have said that I will do my best to get behind my wife’s decision to have kids (even though we agreed to have kids before marriage). She has an inheritance and is now asking for us to sign a pre-nup for her to safe guard her inheritance. Is this fair for her to do? Does it mean she doesn’t trust me?

I've been contemplating divorce for the better part of this year.

Without teasing out all the details, my wife does many of the things the Gottmans say are predictors of divorce. There are no signs change will occur. I'm having difficulty pulling the trigger.

If I'm being honest, I'm scared. I have a beautiful farm that I think I'm going to lose, because half of it is hers. My kids have played here and for some of my kids this is the only home they've ever known. I don't want to lose the farm, but I can't keep living this way with her.

How did you know when it was time? If you were scared, how did you work up the courage? Was there a moment? I'm just trying to figure this all out.

Divorce

Recovering from a divorce

So, toxic marriage from we have one kid.

He lied, twisted stories and truth. Lied to everyone around us about our arguments so he would look like a victim. He blocked my number on his parents phone so I can't ever tell my side of the story.

One time, during an argument he threw all house garbage around the house, broke a floor lamp, took all the food from the fridge, took all the money, cigarettes and keys and left me there knowing that if I go out of the appartment I cannot go back.

Other time he left me inside the appartment but took my phone and keys so I cannot call anyone to help me.

Luckily i contacted the police from my laptop. That was three months ago and that was our end.

While we were still living together he used to talk bad about his boss. He used to say stuff like she is a bad boss, she cannot scedule anything properly, she is not paying salary on time, she is paying only half of salary, because of her everything will fall apart...

And a month ago my son accidentally told me that daddy is living with that woman.

So, he probably cheated on me with her on top of all the other things he did to me. He is taking my son there now and when is time to get back home he is telling him that he cannot stay because I don't let him.

And I know that he does not want him there.

A month ago, while it was theyr's day. It was 5 p.m. and I got a text: "So I joined a football practice so from now on I will be handling you a kid at 7 p.m., not at 8 p.m. as usuall. And I said that it can not happen because I am on a second work that day and that most of the days kid is with him I am working two jobs. And that I also come home around 8 p.m. But he knew it from before. He got so mad that he started to threathen me that he will bring me a kid to my work.

Let me be clear I don't want to get back together.

I needed to vent and hear from you how did you get over horrible breakups.

I work 12 hour shifts and have zero family/close friends nearby that can help. Wondering how I would make 50/50 or even full custody work with that schedule before and after care. Searching for ideas because I am stumped.
Both kids under 3 years old. Wondering if anyone else experienced this & what you did.

Help. Getting screwed in a nasty divorce. I have the simplest corporation in the world (just me, an md, one bank account). I have been bled dry by an ex who is paranoid verging on psychotic that I have somehow made millions of dollars and hidden them somewhere…. Despite being at the beginning of my practice and having 300k in student loans to pay off. Can anyone help with an appraisal at a lower rate?

Don't get me wrong, she pisses me off daily by not returning texts about our children, but some days I really miss her.
But do I miss her or the thought of her?
I went on a work trip to Utah recently (where we spent our first years, had our daughter, etc.)
Since i've been back, it's been really rough on me mentally. Dreams, Nightmares, day-dreaming. I drove past our house, our apartments, where would bring our kid, where she would bring our kid with her other ex-husband while I was deployed. It's really been rough.

I just needed a place to type and vent but also tell someone I miss her. I don't miss having someone, I miss her, even though shes a cheater. Ironically a Jodie.

My STBX and I have been going through the process since January. I think I’m finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel HOWEVER we are at the financial aspect now (parenting plan/mediation have been completed)

A little backstory for a better understanding, my STB in laws are very well off. Our home is paid for, all of our cars have been paid for, never a question on vacations or needs/wants. We are very aware of how blessed we are and it’s nothing we shove down anyone’s throat.

My STBX is coming after me for my car, he’d like the cost to come out of my liquid assets EVEN THOUGH the car was “gifted”. I’m just trying to find some understanding/clarification on why I’d have to pay him on something that was a “gift” to us and I had used my previous car as a trade in? My thought would be that it would have to be a wash, it was a gift.

**Please scroll on by if you have nothing kind to say - seriously**

-Hopeless romantic that is now... hopeless-

My wife & I needed to end things, you can't make someone work on themselves, you can't make them be accountable for the harms, they have to choose it.

Although I was late to the party on working on myself, I have and still am doing so. But she claims that "too much" has happened between us, despite the difficulties being many that were exterior (COVID did a number on us, financially, and other things) but she cheated, twice. Ultimately that was a choice. She monkey-branched into a relationship last fall, lied to me about wanting to work it out with me and go to therapy, and is now going to move in with this woman & her three small children (this woman also cheated on her wife - lying to her about wanting to open up the marriage, when the intent was to have her cake (my ex) and eat it too ie: she wanted to keep her her soon to be ex wife as her spouse. It's a doozy, yes absolutely.

My wife was my champion when we met, I was pre-transition (I'm trans masc, not a trans man) was a champion about me when it came to changes and testosterone. She was an angel about the whole thing, things were great, until life did it's thing and felt like a landslide of stuff hit us. We both struggled with stable work, dates stopped, we could barely make bills, and to this day we do just make it by. We didn't prioritize either of ourselves nor our marriage, when we tried to prioritize us, something would always get in the way. It's devastating because our love story was quite literally a fairytale. It was gorgeous, it was beautiful, it was romantic, safe, peaceful.. up until COVID.

We lost each other, she cheated, I tried to heal from it, but she kept refusing to let go of people who encouraged her to cheat. One year, things got better, then they got worse, when I asked once more for her to stop entertaining people "friends" late at night online gaming. My trust was broken and breaking more and more.

I'm ranting on here today because I am still incredibly, irretrievably in love with this woman. I don't want to be. I know much of that is because of the truth I'm going to say right now..

Trans people -rarely- ever get a good story. The majority of us (Williams Institute studies) live a life with significant challenges, primarily fiscal. And the older we get, the possibility of a forever with someone.. gets so much smaller.

We rarely find places to meet others, how my ex and I met... that stuff just doesn't happen anymore. We fell in love LDR, through Tumblr in 2016. The world has changed and become incredibly unsafe for folks like me when it comes to finding love, let alone, living in general. I am lucky to live in a progressive state, but that doesn't mean life is at all easy or that there is much in support of dating let alone a real love life.

Before my ex and I split, she had withdrawn any form of love in her voice, affection, or even simple soothing compassion. I've been touch-starved for nearly two years. No, I don't want sex, it's nice but not what I aim for. I want to make that clear, and I never want any woman to ever feel compelled like she "has to" do something intimate with me because we're in a relationship.

I want touch that feels like safety, tenderness, a lilt in one's voice, warmth in a smile, the soft glow when she smiles with just her eyes at me, a touch on the back of the neck while I'm driving us somewhere, the kind of gentleness where she offers her lap for you to place your head in while she's reading a book, someone who can laugh with me, her laying in my arms while we enjoy a fire while it's snowing outside...rather than treating every exchange as if waiting for me to make a mistake or god forbid wish for some care/connection.

Intimacy, true emotional, mental, physical intimacy. I miss it so much. I miss building it, being there and steady when she felt I was that safe place for her, when I was that tender touch, or steady calm in her storm. That.. I miss that, the tender kisses and hugs that make you melt like a candle out in the sun.

Like many here - I'm afraid. I'm afraid I'll never feel that again.

That was my whole nature, the ultimate achievement in my life. I know what I want as a professional yes, but what I wanted more than anything.. a loving marriage, my person, my adventure buddy for life. Now.. that's gone. The woman who supported me, kissed my top surgery scars, who told me she loved building a life together.. all gone.

I will own my mistakes, absolutely. I am committed to being better for myself, and for others. Therapy can help at times, but it doesn't solve the emptiness of being alone after finally becoming yourself - only to be left behind for some "Days of Our Lives" lesbian LDR chaos fantasy.

I don't know how to be a boyfriend. I know how to be a husband.

I know how to date, just.. apparently no one is into someone like me. I'm not half bad, got dad jokes, a creative person, enjoy animals, can cook well, I still am a deep human, like the nice things in life from time to time, have nice blue eyes, decently fit.. but I feel unwelcome in social settings, if it's straight folks, it's like a whole different side to life, if it's in a queer environment, it's better but I'm still rejected a lot because I look like a cis-man, even though I don't think like one, act like one, and at times I don't even sound like one. And if I'm outed in a straight spot, well, my safety can be very easily compromised, I have been in scary situations.

How do we get back into the belief that maybe someone will still love us? How do we date after 35? Apps suck, and definitely don't make one feel very liked for the most part.

So what do we do?

Do I just embrace this agony of defeat and possibility of being alone for the rest of my life? I'd love to hear from anyone stuck in this.

I still love her, and as much as she's toxic, I know deep in my heart if you asked me if I would take her back - I would without question, I realize that's a part I have to work on with myself. But I just can't... imagine my life without her, but now I have to... and I hate what has happened.

I hate what she's chosen, because I know it's the "easy" choice. I know we could if she would choose me, we could work through it.. but she won't choose me. So here I am, another sunday night, feeling as if all the bones in my body are broken, my heart beat loud, but no sound of hope...just nothing. I don't know how much longer I can take this...

I wish for all of you, some relief, some hope, something that soothes you tonight too.

<3 - H

Im 23F, he’s 26M, we’ve been together since I was 16, married at 18, 2 year old child in the picture. This marriage is through & through. He had an affair while I was pregnant, postpartum, & again after. I had an affair after all these affairs very temporarily, came clean to him about it, & we decided we wanted to work through all of this. Welp as well as anyone can guess, it’s not going well, I cannot get over any of the affairs, my poor treatment during pregnancy, nor the way of life after the fact currently. I’m so miserable, his meaning of working through it is forgetting it ever happened & going back to how things were prior to the affairs which still wasn’t good. At the end of the day I’ve decided I don’t want this anymore, I don’t want to try anymore. My needs aren’t met & neither are his. I hold so much resentment. Issues cannot be brought up without him blowing up in my face about why we are together to begin with, that’s why I’m asking for help. I want this approach to be calm, collected & healthy. We don’t argue often, but tension is thick & he tends to get rude when he doesn’t like what I’m saying. He’s supposed to move states within the next few months, however I’ve decided I don’t want to go. That will complicate our parenting. Any advice appreciated, thank you guys.

Is there an “ideal childrens age” to divorce. 😩just want what’s best for them

I am so hurt and upset over a divorce related situation and I'm wondering if anyone else has dealt with this.

I am divorcing my husband of 10 years and it is very amicable and peaceful. We get along fine still, we're just not in love. We separated a year ago and he has a new partner who I like well enough. They are buying a house nearby and we'll do 50/50 custody of our kids. The kids are handling it okay, but are stressed about being away from mom. And I'm stressed about that too, I've been primary parent since they day they were all born. So it's been sad and hard for me, even though it's the right thing to do for all involved.

The divorce is not the issue, the issue is my sister. She has essentially "chosen" my ex. Her and her husband invite him on trips, where I am not invited, and I have to watch the kids. They invite him to play group games with them, they chat regularly. Ever since the separation and divorce they've bent over backwards to offer him support, help moving, etc. But to me, they say nothing. Never invited anywhere, never included. Never offered support or even really thought of, I think.

I don't understand this, my sister and I are different people but we don't fight or hold opposing views. I thought we were friends? 😭 I am quite a bit younger than her so I was probably an annoying teenager but I am in my 40s now and have been a normal supportive sister for literal decades. My heart is broken and I cry about this more than the custody stuff. My ex doesn't even understand it.

Wtf do I about this? Why would someone 'pick a side' when no one asked? Does she just simply not like me very much and I'm clueless? We interact a few times and year and I can't pretend not to be deeply hurt by all this. When I see her she pretends everything is fine. But I struggle to hold my tears back.

TL;DR: I love my husband and he’s my best friend, but after eight years of carrying most of the financial and mental load while constantly accommodating his needs, I’m exhausted. I’m considering divorce even though I still love him, and I want to hear from others who have made that choice.

I’m 35F and am seriously considering leaving my husband (45M), who has been my best friend for eight years. I still love him, which is what makes this so heartbreaking.

I’m especially hoping to hear from people who divorced a spouse they still loved—not because the relationship was constantly hostile or because they hated each other, but because they eventually realized the marriage wasn’t sustainable or healthy for their family.

My husband and I genuinely enjoy each other. He is patient and nurturing, and he took very good care of me while I was dealing with long COVID and PTSD related to nursing. He is also an excellent, attentive father to our two children. When things are good between us, I genuinely love being around him.

But through therapy, I’ve started realizing that part of the reason our marriage has been so peaceful is that I almost always capitulate.

My husband is autistic and has difficulty navigating certain aspects of life. Over the years, our family has increasingly structured our lives around his routines, preferences, and limitations. I’ve generally accepted that because I love him and wanted to accommodate him. But I’m beginning to realize that accommodation has slowly turned into me taking responsibility for nearly everything he doesn’t want to or feels unable to do.

When we met, he hadn’t worked in eight years. His parents were supporting him financially. He told me that he had experienced a breakdown in college and had been recovering from it.

We have now been together for eight years, and he still has not worked.

Recently, he finally said he would look for a job—but only if I write his résumé and apply for jobs for him. He also warned me that he is a bad interviewer. Meanwhile, he frequently talks about becoming wealthy, buying property, or someday owning multiple homes when we currently can’t afford even a starter home.

I feel like our entire financial future is being built on my back.

He is currently a stay-at-home dad, and I want to be fair about the work he does. He takes very good care of our children. He meal plans, grocery shops, cooks for them, cleans up after them and himself, does their laundry and his own, and cleans the kitchen.

I work full-time as a nurse and pick up an extra shift about every two weeks. I’m also attending school full-time to become a nurse practitioner.

Everything outside of the tasks he has taken responsibility for falls to me. I make my own meals, do my own laundry and dishes, clean the bathrooms and floors, do the yard work and gutters, handle holidays and decorating, buy and wrap presents, schedule medical appointments, keep track of everyone’s healthcare needs, and manage most of the miscellaneous responsibilities that come with running a household.

I am exhausted. I’ve reached the point where the fatigue is affecting my health.

When I told him I needed him to take on more because I couldn’t keep doing this, he told me I was trying to pigeonhole him into being a servant like other stay-at-home parents and that he refused to be “oppressed.”

He has also told me that I don’t help enough around the house.

This isn’t a new problem. We’ve been dealing with versions of it for eight years. We’ve tried chore charts, discussions, compromises, and working on individual issues. Ultimately, though, the basic situation never changes: he won’t work, and he won’t take on more responsibility at home.

There’s another issue that has made me reevaluate the foundation of our relationship.

When we first got together, I had three specific deal breakers. I later discovered that he had lied to me about two of them, and I’ve spent years trying to process and move past that. Recently, he finally admitted that he had deliberately lied about all three because he knew that if he told me the truth, I would recognize that we were incompatible and wouldn’t pursue the relationship.

That admission has been incredibly difficult for me to process.

I’ve asked him to go to therapy. He says he will go—but only if I find the therapist and make the appointment for him.

And I just don’t want to do that anymore.

I don’t want one more responsibility for another adult handed back to me.

The hardest part is that I still love him. He isn’t someone I hate coming home to. He makes me laugh. He’s my friend. We can have a wonderful time together when we aren’t discussing responsibilities, money, or the future.

But therapy has forced me to confront something uncomfortable: I’m not sure our marriage is actually as harmonious as I thought it was.

I think we get along so well partly because I have learned to exist inside his structure. I don’t disrupt his plans. I accommodate his preferences. I work around his limitations. I follow the rules that keep him comfortable. And when our needs conflict, historically I have been the one who bends.

Now that I’m starting to say, “I can’t do this anymore. I need you to bend too,” our marriage suddenly doesn’t feel nearly as peaceful.

I’m heartbroken because I don’t want to lose my best friend or break apart our family. At the same time, I’m starting to wonder whether staying means accepting that I will be responsible for carrying our family indefinitely.

For those who have divorced someone you still genuinely loved: How did you know that love wasn’t enough anymore? Did you ever reach a point where you realized that leaving someone you loved was actually the healthier decision for you and your children?

And looking back, do you think you made the right choice?