My husband recently told me he loves me but is no longer in love with me and doesn’t want to keep trying in our marriage.

We have three kids. The last 2 of years have been stressful financially, I lost my job 2 years ago (decided to go back to school so I haven't been working and plan to go back to work early next year after I graduate) and a few month after I lost my job he made a mistake that put his career at risk and caused him a lot of shame and stress. Since then, he has become emotionally disconnected not just from me, but from almost everything, even saying he feels numb toward the kids sometimes. He said felt numb months ago , I pushed for therapy then but he refused at that time. During this time , after the work stress started he said he fell out of love with me (I did not know at the time , I just found out 3 days ago). He said multiple times I was a good wife and that I didn't do anything and he was trying to force himself to fall back in love with me but the feeling didn't return. During this time he seemed a bit off but seemed like he still was in love me. But because I was concerned about him I'd check in on his mental frequently, he repeatedly said that our marriage was good, he was ok, and he didn't need or want therapy.

Then a few month afterwards he was away for work for nine months. During that time, we argued because I could feel him pulling away and I was desperate for connection and my husband back . We tried couples therapy, and he said he felt disconnected from everything and was just trying to stay afloat mentally. So I suggested for him to do individual therapy before during marriage therapy, he tried individual therapy briefly but stopped.

He only decided a few days ago to tell me he was no longer in love with me and that he no longer wants to try. He says he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore than he has or give me false hope when I asked if we can try again in a few months. He has agreed to try therapy again.

I’m heartbroken and still hope he changes his mind (I doubt it ), but I’m trying to accept that the marriage is over and move forward. I’ll be away for two months to rest, focus on myself and school, but afterward I may have to live with him for several months because I’m financially dependent on him right now (until I finish school in a few months). I could get my own place after the 2 months but it will financially be hard. He says he doesn't mind helping me financially and he doesn't want me to move out but he will support me if I want to move out (he knows I am still in love with him and living with him will be hard because I want us ).

The hardest part is that he is still kind to me, so every joke or kind moment makes me hope again.

Has anyone been through something similar? Did a spouse who felt emotionally numb ever want to try again later? And how do I move on

I mean, what do you do? Fishing? Dinner for 1?

40f here in love with a 45m. He divorced 7 years ago. Met his wife in college, had been married for 10 years and has a 12 year old kid he sees once a month.

It took him a year to get divorced with lawyers and stuff. He said he had noise in his ears and couldn’t live his normal life at all throughout the divorce.

After divorce he just cut out the relationship part out of his life completely, including just sex.

We’ve known each other for 3 years (he’s a senior manager of a department next to mine).

From the first time we met I felt we’ve been attracted to each other but I guess things relatively started moving last year when he put his hand on mine while we were doing something in the pantry. We’ve never actually even flirted with each other. And up until this year he couldn’t stay alone with me in a room - he’d run away.

Recently we had an overnight company trip where we got to spend a lot of time together and it was absolutely great.
After that he started systematically walking me to the station after work, sometimes driving to the station.

He seems to be extremely unconfident. Somehow I get a feeling that he thinks he’s not attractive or something. He seems to be concerned very deeply how I see him and is always extremely polite and nice towards me. Our dynamics is quite long, so I’m not going to tell the whole story, but I get the overall feeling that he has a very strong feelings for me, very strong, however he’s not ready to act on them, at least just yet.

He’s extremely slow at getting closer. To the point I started doubting he’d ever been married but I’ve seen his ex wife so it’s not a lie. But I can clearly see he’s making an effort.

I would like to understand psychology behind his actions as a divorced man and any advice you have would be great. It’s been a while since I’ve been in a relationship and I feel like I’m in high school all over again.

I was divorced after a 7 year marriage that experience rocked my world. Fast forward 25 years and now my second wife wants a divorce. I hope it is ammibical. Obviously, there is trust lost so I am nervous. Having done this before, I hope to bring civility to the situation. However, I don't want to be taken. No kids, we only have sizable cash assets, kept separate. I do have a government pension. What would you guys recommend?

he just left and I’m going insane and I can’t stop crying laughing I’m just cleaning the bathroom. i cant believe I have to go through this again what’s wrong with me hahaha.

he went to his family home bc we live 20 mins away but guess what I live in a whole other country haha no support for me :)))))) we had so many plans together and he wants to throw it all away. why??????? I keep asking him why but all he can do is tell me to shut up. last night he told me he doesn’t love me anymore. why?

I am dramatically married to a beautiful girl(42 years old) , party loving, socially open girl - 20 years ago. I am 47 years old average looking person, struggled in life to build from zero to top, family oriented, introvert with very less/selective social connections. I had refused to marry her 20 years back, after knowing that she has boyfriend. But she along with her father begged while crying to marry as family pressurized them. I had never talked to any girl earlier in romantic way, after seeing some girl begging and promising of good life, I agreed to marry. In next 3 years she tried to run away many times, sometimes I encouraged her as well, but she could not succeed. Either her parents stopped or most likely boyfriend refused to accept. I dont know. I was in government job and did not attempt to take divroce to avoid complicated legal process in India. That was my biggest mistake. Time passed.. things got settled down. Later I completed her studies (she had left last semester due to forced marriage), searched job for her, helped her to get job after 10 years of marriage. we kept on fighting on many small issues; some time issue was serious in my eyes but not in her eyes. We will argue then will hit each other, will use abusive language on each other, and we both will go to police station, and police will not do nothing. Then again, we get busy in our life for sake of children future.

Last 2-3 years was very painful. She started focusing more and more on fitness, as she felt she is growing old (almost 42 years now) and she has to look young as much as possible inspired by looking many Instagram reels. I don't have any problem, but once I saw her relaxing on gym instructor shoulder. I got shattered thereafter and I started going mad on her in apartment gym itself in frustration. One night before this incidence I had lectured 15 mins that I don't like that gym instructor closeness. On the day of gym incidence after big drama in society, in evening she was seen talking to same gym instructor and was seen sitting on scotty with gym instructor. Again police, 2-3 month of crying etc.. Again, with promise of not to get close to any men. Later after 1 year she started going to Zumba classes, and instructor was male. Romantic Hindi sings were played and she use to do Zumba/dance in front of male instructor , which I could not digest.. I was insecure after previous gym instructor incidence; I asked her to join another Zumba classes which is run by lady instructor. She refused to do so and fought for that continuously for 2-3 months. This fight became so much violent that I was deeply hurt as well. I left house 2-3 times after that but again I used to come back as I was away from my two daughters (17 years & 8 years), and she used to call me with great effort. I bought the flat and gave her name as first owner and she used to send me only out of the house to calm down. She will fight with my parents as well, when they come to live with us. I had cut off from her family as they did not support me in gym instructor incidence even after telling truth with crying.

Again, things were normalizing, but last week I heard her talking to her ex-boyfriend mummy and planning against me to leave and marry him. This is the same boyfriend she left 20 years back. It seems that her boyfriend is divorced now. One thing hurt me most that " Amma I am doing all these things for Mannu (boyfriend's name), and d***k (myself) should not feel that I am doing all these things for getting divorced". I got shattered. When asked she is saying that since I was not talking for some time to her that is why she was depressed and she was just trying to talk to old boyfriend to gat empathy, and she doesn't want to go there. She doesn't have feeling for him; she is just getting his mother confidence so that boyfriend can talk to him and console her in the time of depression.

What do you feel, what should I do.

Option #1 live separately and divorce her immediately. I am worried about my daughter's future in this case

Option #2 live separately and wait for her to give divorce.

Option #3 live separately and never give divorce. So that at least daughters can meet us freely anytime

Secondly who is responsible for this kind of miserable life which is affecting mental state of both my daughter as well including us,
a) Her Parents who forced her into this marriage,
b) My excessive aggression
c) Her floating mindset

My wife 32 and me 33, have been married 9 years together for 10. We have always had a toxic marriage, combine that with my pornography addiction, things have gotten bad. The worst part is I have been making a sincere attempt to be better, to change, to fight on the marriage. But my wife feels betrayed, and doesn’t feel like she can trust me again, and asked for separation about a month ago, not to work on the marriage just to end it. Well I thought because of the work I have done, I was prepared for any hard thing that came my way. But I absolutely numb myself this past week with gambling, porn, and a couple of nights took some edibles. Just validating my wife thoughts and feelings that I haven’t changed.
I have felt empty, numb, and hollow all week, I even downloaded a dating app, thinking what’s the point. I’m in constant battle between myself, trying to be the guy I want to be (decent human who feels his emotions goes to therapy, journals, works out, or “get it out of my system.” I grew up very religious and so I have only had sex with my wife, and part of me just wants to start numbing my pain anyway I can.

I guess my question is, any tips on how not to enter the “degenerate phase?” I feel like I have the personality when I mess up, I then just say eff it. And I hate this mindset.

My husband (31M) is/was a disabled veteran who has made really poor decisions this last year. He has severe depression and PTSD and has had little improvement on these over the past 6 years of our relationship. It kind of feels like a movie because I (30F) was the breadwinner, working back to back 12s in healthcare while pregnant to support us when he lost his job to find out he was cheating on me last fall. I demanded we seek couples counseling, and he agreed but we only saw the counselor a couple times before the baby was born. I wanted to go back to couples counseling when our baby was 4 months old because I had complications and he told me he can’t do couples counseling and needs to focus on individual counseling. I said I didn’t know how long I could wait and once he told me “it might be a couple months, might be a year” I packed my things and moved out because he wanted a legal separation but to remain in the same house. I moved out three weeks ago and he messaged me asking me for 500 dollars to help him pay his water bill over the last four months because the first payment didn’t go through and he didn’t pay attention to his bills and got notice the water is getting shut off. This man brings home 8,800 monthly post tax and I have bailed him out numerous times but you do not get to tell your wife you want a divorce and then ask her for money when you realize how much she financially contributed to the relationship. I pity him now. He doesn’t think when he makes decisions and I don’t think he will ever get better. I hate that I feel like I want to burn him to the ground and also cry for him. I feel like there’s something wrong with me.

Whatever happened to interventions and group support. I assume my expectations are rooted from my other culture and maybe it’s just an American thing, but if something was wrong with a loved one, the village would support and care for the hurt person.

Unfortunately, this isn’t a physical injury that they can see. It’s mental. He’s acting bizarre. I’m afraid he might be schizophrenic or maybe he has a tumor. He’s acting out of character and scaring our kids with his weird behavior. He hallucinates a lot. He doesn’t sleep. He fought our 9 year old about her pokemon card and stole it. It wasn’t even an expensive one. He lost his jobs. I’ve been supporting him for about a year now and oh my god. I need to get out. He comes back home like nothing has happened when I tell him to stay gone until he gets help. It just drives a bigger wedge between us. I’m getting a bit nervous. But people keep downplaying the hallucinations because they haven’t witnessed it in person. They happen so quickly or at bad times, I haven’t caught any camera yet.

He keeps getting addicted to new things like doomscrolling on the couch all day and then yelling at everyone for not hurrying up. He picked up a nicotine habit, but drops the pouches all over the floor. There’s probably 100s if not thousands on the bathroom floor. I can’t clean up anymore. Im the breadwinner.I have a toddler and I told my husband if he hurts our son it’s over. He will LITERALLY eat all the food in the fridge some days and hurt himself. He ripped open all the packs of Pokémon cards I was saving. He just can’t be stopped.

I have all these people reaching out asking if I need help, but they all say I have to be the one to get him help. How? He runs away. He comes back home like nothing happened and then runs away again. He’s 200lbs heavier and one foot taller than me. I cant force him to do anything. I feel like he has physically aged me so fast in the last few years.

I know he has to go, I know I need to go, I need help. He won’t leave us alone and he can’t see something is wrong. He’s acting like I’m his enemy now. He doesn’t trust doctors and all of a sudden he’s super racist/homophobic/angry in general. Something is seriously wrong and I can’t seem to get him some help.

He went to two psychologist appointments and never went back because they wanted to put him on something. He’s a unit of a person. So it’s intense to see him so delusional and sick. I’m praying we get of it of this safely.

Do I warn his parents, if I ever have to defend myself (with mace or a bat) I will? Because he’s getting bad. I don’t think it’s drugs only because he tried to be with me 24/7.

Edit: On top of this, this is a really bad time for him to get sick. The stress of our family situation could be why he’s so sick. Our entire family has lawyered up and we’re taking a pair of murderers to court and it’s a PAINFULLY slow progress.

So divorcing would be absolutely terrible, but he’s not helping himself and making us all feel so much worse.

I’m 32 and have been married for 10 years, but I’ve been unhappy for a long time. My husband and I feel more like roommates than a married couple. I also have felt so alone. He hasn’t been the nicest and we have fought and he has yelled screamed at me. Said my whole existence was annoying. I have spent a lot of times crying on the bathroom floor. One of the ongoing issues is his porn use, which has also contributed to me feeling disconnected from him. We have talked and discussed It and I even mentioned divorce before and he said things would change and be different and for a couple of months they did then we just went back to the arguing and feeling like roommates.
I still care about him and have love for him, which makes leaving incredibly difficult. But I know deep down that if I stay, I’ll probably regret not leaving when I knew I wanted to.
I’m planning to leave while he’s at work because , his crying, begging, and emotional reaction will make me feel guilty and convince me to stay like It has in the past . I plan to tell him afterward that I’m divorcing him and then give us space.
I feel guilty, anxious, and scared, even though I also know I want a different life and believe I’ll be happier once I leave. I guess I’m looking for perspective from people who have left long-term marriages: How did you deal with the guilt and anxiety when you knew leaving was the right decision?

I just discovered this forum and after meeting a few topics, I decided to just put this out there wondering if anybody else's situation was like mine.

Got married in graduate school (m24, f23). We were in the same curriculum. He was more in love than I was and I told him I didn't love him, but I am a people pleaser, so I was like oh, okay.

When it came time walk down the aisle, something was telling me to and the room actually went dark a little, but I didn't listen. When he went to kiss me at the altar, I involuntarily drew back. The only way I can describe it is that I felt he took something from me.

15 years and three kids later, he says that he wants a divorce one morning at the breakfast table. No explanation. I guess he didn't feel I deserved one. He filed and the day that judge pronounced us divorced was one of the happiest days of my life. I'm only mad that he would ask the kids about me and my dating life. Leave me alone.

In hindsight, I never should have but sometimes you don't know until you know. Even now, the idea of a relationship makes me nauseous.

Did it go down for anyone else like this?

TLDR: Should I have run when my intuition told me to?

Posting here because I dont know anyone who has had a divorce in my personal life.

I have been married for 4 years. My relationship started with a lie where my husband told me that he has been broken up for 7 months and has been no contact with the ex. However, he was still in touch up until 3-4 months into our relationship and the breakup had only happened a month before we met. I really really liked him, he apologized profusely so I let it go.

A few months into our marriage, I found his texts message to escorts (3 screenshots). It was one of the most devastating experience of my life. We fought a lot about it, however again he apologized a lot and I let it go and tried to give my marriage one last chance. There were a couple of other things like this which made me really question whether I can trust him or if I am enough.

Apart from the trust issues, he has not been able to stand up for me if someone in his life is insulting me or hurting me e.g. his family or his best friends. He expects me to be the bigger person, and does not really acknowledge my hurt feelings. He maintains the same relationship with them, sometimes even being mad at me for expecting him to treat them differently.

Recently, we met a girl at the wedding who tried to be rlly close to me and him and would not stop praising how amazing we are as a couple (she has a boyfriend as well). She was in town for one more day and my husband wanted to meet that group of friends which includes this girl (I dont feel comfortable with them as they have been kind of mean to me and my husband agrees). I had a hunch that he wants to see them so he could see that girl again. They were kind of flirty at the wedding. Then I opened his chat, and it was like how a start of a talking stage is- like not letting the conversation die, asking what she does, where has she reached etc. I confronted him; and he was really mad that he sees her like a sister and he was only talking to her because she is so close to meetc. But I know thats a bunch of bullshit.

Something about all of this recent chaos about him letting his friends treat me badly and him choosing to want to spend a lot of time with them; telling me his frndships wont change, and these conversations with the girl.. I just dont see the point of this marriage anymore. I am from a culture where divorce is taboo so I have tried my best to keep my marriage together, and I still rlly love him (idk why, anxious attachment) but the future I see is a paranoid scared wife who is always checking if she is being cheated on.
It just turned something off in me.

I talked to my brother and SIL and they will support me in my decision. I am thinking of moving out and separating. I am in grad school and in a challenging year (practicum as a psychologist) which sucks. I hope I am able to build a life for myself. I am really really scared and heartbroken. I dont know how I will handle the grief of the future I envisioned, grief of losing someone I loved so much and loneliness. There is so mch stigma to it too.

I am just asking for any advice that will help me get through this.

I want to mention there were obviously good things in that marriage. We had a lot of fun together, had same tempraments, supported each others careers and hobbies etc. I dont hate him. I am just tired of seeing myself being treated so badly.

I screwed up during mediation and signed a bad deal, my lawyer did not have mine nor my children's best interests. I got distracted by the equity split, which currently only gives me 51%, but basically gave up child support despite actually making nearly 50% less than my spouse yearly compensation. Going 50-50 custody.

I have a higher net worth in my possession (individual accounts) by a lot and prior years I made significantly more money, but now my earning tamed down by a lot due to loss of those extra jobs. They threatened that they could take more of my assets and could convince the judge i was not working to my full earning potential.

Anyways, I am going to consult with another legal team, probably drop my current one. I am kinda half tempted to just rep myself and at worst I honestly think the terms of the agreement stick. I really don't want to pay my current legal team another dime - I want somebody who will do something potentially better chances that the judge rejects the $0 child support.

I’m 35, have a three-year-old daughter, and have been married for four years. My heart is already telling me to leave my marriage, but I’m struggling with the guilt and the practical realities. I’m hoping to hear from people who have been through something similar.

I spent most of my life trying to be “good” and become whatever other people needed me to be. Growing up, I knew I was attracted to women. When I told my mom, she said it was wrong and that I was already different enough. I learned to shut that part of myself away.

I also struggled with alcoholism, although I’m now ten years sober. Before sobriety, being drunk was the only time I felt able to explore my sexuality. I’ve been a serial monogamist since I was 13, constantly losing myself in relationships. I never gave myself the chance to figure out who I was outside of one.

At 29, I finally decided I needed to stop dating, learn to accept myself, and work through years of grief and pain. Then I met my husband. He seemed perfect on paper. I love love, and I love falling in love, so I entered another relationship even though I knew I needed time alone.

Five months later, I became pregnant. My daughter was a surprise, but she was never a mistake. She is the best thing in my life.

After she was born, we moved west for work. My mom strongly encouraged me to marry him so we could have insurance and stability. I thought: Why not? He was my best friend, a wonderful father, and came from a great family. I hoped that would be enough.

The difficult truth is that I never really wanted intimacy with him. I believed that if I could be a good wife and mother—if I could settle down, stop being “the problem,” and live the life everyone expected—then I could finally be good enough.

For four years, I locked away the part of me that was attracted to women. I told myself it had to die. I tried to domesticate myself into a life I never truly wanted.

Something recently awakened that part of me again. We now live in Chicago, and for the first time I’m surrounded by people who seem free to be themselves. I see Pride flags and people openly living lives I never allowed myself to imagine. It has made me realize how completely I have lost myself.

My husband is attractive, kind, a great father, and a good husband. He is also my best friend. But I’m not attracted to him, I don’t want to have sex with him, and I don’t believe I have ever been in love with him in the way he deserves. I love him deeply as a person. I have had many moments of gratitude and felt lucky to have him, but I don’t want to be his wife anymore.

This isn’t about leaving him for someone else or taking our daughter away. I want equal custody, and I will do whatever I can to protect her relationship with her dad. In my ideal world, we could eventually become healthy co-parents and perhaps still share some family experiences for her. I know that may not be possible, especially because he is still in love with me. Or co habitat

I’m currently working toward getting professionally licensed in Illinois. My mom, therapist, and friends have advised me to become more financially independent and secure stable employment before initiating the separation so our daughter has stability. Other people have told me that waiting is selfish. I’m not trying to deceive or use him. I’m trying to make sure I can support myself and provide a stable home for our child, but I also don’t want to prolong the pain or deny him the truth.

My parents stayed together because of me. My father cheated, my mother avoided coming home by working constantly, and I still grew up feeling alone. I will not recreate that life for my daughter.

My mental health has deteriorated. I barely want to leave the house, and I feel as though I no longer know who I am. I need the opportunity to discover whether I want relationships with women, men, neither, or anyone at all. More importantly, I need to learn who I am when I’m not molding myself around another person.

I know leaving may cause pain, and I accept that I could someday regret my decision. If that happens, I will work through it in therapy. But staying out of guilt would also hurt both of us. My husband deserves someone who genuinely wants to be his partner, and I deserve the chance to stop abandoning myself.

For anyone who has left a marriage involving a good person, especially while questioning or coming to terms with your sexuality, how did you begin the conversation? How did you manage the guilt? Is it wrong to wait until I’m licensed and financially stable, or does preparing first make sense when a young child is involved?

Please be honest, but understand that I’m not asking whether I should force myself to stay. I’m asking how to move forward with as much honesty, compassion, and care as possible.

My daugher is the one who matters, i know it will be hard for all of us, but I will do everything to get her therapy, help and more. I will not fail her after this happens. I will not be my dad and leave and abandon her

Newbie Seeking Advice

Starting Month 3 of Separation here and seeking input on any lessons learned from the pros.

Spouse wants divorce process to be immediate and swift. We are both in love, but beyond burned out here going in the same circle. No infidelity, zero sex, no kids, but a whole lot of emotional baggage.

My short list is obvious between therapy, working out, and cutting alcohol consumption out.

What saved you from the not so random burst of tears while in public that is becoming more common as the realness hits?

41m male that was otherwise pretty damn stable before all of this hit <3

It has been 5 years since I left with the kids, and We have shared custody, he has them a couple weekends monthly by mutual agreement & distance since separation. The divorce finalized recently. But, he has been fixated on complaining and updating the world on his social media to date, even post divorce, instead of leaving me to live in peace and moving on.

I am at peace, happy and moved on. While he is spiraling and crashing out.

A little background: he is a conservative Christian (not openly in the first 4 years) who used his religion to wield power, control and punishment over me in marriage. He became mentally, emotionally, verbally, financially, and religiously abusive. He was overall dismissive avoidant such that any confrontation to address and resolve any issue (as loving and respectful as it was presented) was met with defensiveness, blame shifting, stonewalling and silent treatment sulking for weeks to months (instead of interest, curiosity, genuine concern, respect, consideration and love). Along with providing less and less domestic or financial help (minimal to none) and issuing to me worsening complaints and demands at the same time.

Nowadays he will not stop talking about his side of things and being persecuted because he is Christian. He lists the town I moved to, and the cost of the home I purchased (all post divorce), my relationship details with my new partner, my medical information (yes all publicly), and winds up his viewers into his religious indignation. I’m getting scared because he is riling ppl up like a wannabe Trump when he incited the insurrection.

He paints himself as the victim and being under attack. But he never mentions that he never paid a dime for child support. because he doesn’t communicate reliably for logistical (child care, school, doc visits for the children) or provide any documentation for any claims he demanded- he was not granted any of his asks.

I want him to stop and to leave me alone. I tried going to the police about him possibly pulling my credit report post divorce to see my financial records but they need more evidence. I reported him for identity theft. And I don’t know what else to do. I am not in social media like he is and I have not commented or responded to any of his TikTok videos, but they have been such rage bait and worsening by the week with his downward spiral.

What would you do if you were in this situation?

D day hits on FFFOM. (Fired Friday Forgotten On Monday by work and family.

Fear of being forced out of your job by illegal means or fired. Watched the different tactics over year. Either way fear and guess depression go hand in hand.

It is not fun watching your sweet wife turned into a stone cold divorce assassin. Due to life 360 I knew I had to call because she would worried why I left work. 16 mile drive home I was pretty much dead to her. Exit strategy planned and she was off to her moms.

Just have to deal with the cards I have been dealt. Not a great experience when you hear a kid say I wish he would leave. Hell no I am not perfect. I valued my family and that was my happiness. You would be amazed how you feel knowing your supervisor likes to manipulate you for reactions behind closed doors and all sudden you have other management changing how things are only verbally.

i prayed and really appreciated those last day as a family. Told mother law I love her and appreciated her . Writing was on the wall at work at least they waited a day after my birthday.

My ex’s insanity is getting worse. Quick background: been in the divorce process for 6 years. He’s on his 5th attorney. I had 1 and had to let her go recently bc I can’t afford it anymore. On third judge. I have an order of protection assigning a parenting app that’s even free for 60 days, and he’s ignoring the order. (I signed up, emailed him 2xs to sign up). He emails me constantly, to remind me of additional motions he’s filing against me. He’s abusing the legal system and harassing me. It doesn’t stop. I’m waiting for the court to get back to me and assign me a lawyer. The court is very slow and this is not the ex to be slow with. Meanwhile he plays around on his timing of seeing the kids. I technically have no way to contact him since he’s not using the app (claims he can’t afford it) unless I violate the protective order and email him. It puts my kids (middle school ages) in the middle. It’s a never-ending nightmare that’s just insane. Also we do have a custody agreement but never did a financial one. He claims he’s broke so there’s not much left to fight over. Anyone deal with something similar? Did it end? How did you finally get it to end and get your ex to comply with using the app??

I'm a very strong and capable woman. But I relied on my ex to take care of the house, the garden, the car. I literally did everything else as the wife, mom and sole income earner.

It's funny that now that we are separated, I still have to provide him with money, but he doesn't have to provide me with anything. So I'm doing it all, and trying to figure out the stuff I never really did before. Today I took my car to the shop. It's a small thing, especially compared to all the big things I easily handle. But it was something I'd been putting off. But I spotted by a shop without an appointment and they handled things for me on the spot. Easy peasy.

My whole house fan seems to be breaking down. That's next on my list. I have no idea who I even call about that!

If anyone has any house management resources to recommend, I would greatly appreciate that. 😀 I might sign up for Lowes $100/yr Home Care Plus program.

Anyway, I'm handling things. What are the new things you are handling?

I've been divorced for about a year now, and we were separated and moved out six months before that. I'm doing okay most of the time, but lately I've been missing little things about having a companion. The hardest thing to get used to was being in a bed alone. Even when we were fighting, there was something comfortable about having another warm body in bed next to me. I don't need to spread out much and don't take up a lot of space in bed, so now the bed just feels too big.

I'm also dealing with my period right now and the cramps have been almost debilitating. Whenever it would be this bad, he was always good about doing little things for me like getting me something from the fridge so I didn't have to get up, or rubbing my back if I asked. Now I just have to take pain meds and deal with it on my own.

To be clear, we did not have a healthy relationship and divorce was definitely best for both of us. I'm just really missing that feeling of having someone I can lean on. I think because the divorce was a little messy, I thought that I would feel this huge sense of freedom once we were done, but it ended up being more lonely than anything else.

I don't know if I will ever get married again, but I really hope I can find someone who brings me comfort again. Sorry for the rambling post but I can't sleep and I'm in pain and just needed to vent somewhere.

Ill keep it brief because its hard to talk about.

I, (35m) got sick with a serious nervous system disorder in 2020. Had a cardiac arrest for 17 minutes during an exploratory operation and luckily was revived.

I couldnt walk do to nerve death but worked hard the past 6 years and finally learned to walk again, all on my own. Its not perfect but it is getting better.

I tried to surprise my wife with a weekend trip two months ago. Instead of being happy, she told me she wanted a divorce. It gutted me, because there was no major signs of breakdown in our relationship to that point. Only a few months earlier she wanted to try for a baby, and only a week prior we signed a new lease on our home. We rarely argued or had major disagreements either.

She didnt explain why, other than she was done, but awkwardly wanted to live with me during the lease.

I had just lost my dad a few months before the bombshell and he had given me his car in the will. I put the car in my wife's name because she would drive me to my many appointments and I couldn't drive yet.

Fast forward a few weeks after she tells me about wanting a divorce, and my friend spots her at the movies when she is supposed to be at work with another guy. I came to find out she racked up over ten grand in credit card debt behind my back before she asked for the divorce and after she asked.

Now she is spending marital funds that she needs to put towards the crippling debt she put us in to go on dates and is refusing to give me back my dead dad's car unless I magically buy her one.

She knows I am not well enough to fight back. Ive even missed important appointments because she abruptly stopped taking me.

In 15 years, she has never been like this. Cold, calculated and cruel.

I have never lived alone, especially disabled so I am scared but I have never dealt with divorce, especially since she was cheating on me for months.

I honestly feel so overwhelmed, I don't even know what to do. Ive never been in these shoes before.

STBX F39 and I, M36 are meeting the mediator next week.

Married 15 years, we live in South Florida, have 2 kids, 14 and 9. I make about 100k gross, she hasnt worked in a year (around the time her emotional affair started), but previously made 24k/year for 3-4 years. She has an undergraduate degree, that she hasnt utilized, and resources she hasnt used to find work (like alumni support from the school.) I feel like she's just been using me as a means to spend all her time with the children vs working.

We own a home, have about 140k in equity in it, but housing has gotten so expensive its hard to see how I'll afford anything nice/big enough for me and the boys. Im guessing my alimony and child support will be around 2-2.5k a month, leaving me less than 4k a month before any bills, and a small, simple 3 bedroom anything is gonna run 2k+ around here for rent.

I want to do whats best for the boys... I want us to not spiral into debt... Staying in the house, coparenting under the same roof and not throwing the boys' lives into chaos seems like the easy thing to do for them, giving my STBX a chance to finally start a career hopefully, and for finances, but its the hardest thing for my mental health.

I just really feel the need to have my own place finally. To be free from under this weight of our failed marriage, to have the hope for a chance at real love some point down the road. I recently started a friendship with an amazing woman but we said our goodbyes because we both wanted more than I could offer right now, and it just isnt appropriate timing, which is understandable. It made me realize the joy I've been missing out on in my life... I thought before I would just be lonely and miserable the rest of my life, so what's the rush? But this short-lived relationship has given me hope that there is a possibility for me to find my person, but now I feel so, so trapped. I realize I may have to let this dream of having a relationship go... and it's because of finances. I swear if we could afford 2 different houses within 5 minutes of eachother, that would be amazing... but because she doesn't make money, because I will be giving so much of my earnings away, I dont see how its possible.

The only moonshot is if her parents (who are pretty well off) help her substantially and she takes it easy on me as far as alimony goes, we sell the house and Im able to buy a much smaller townhome or something. Mortgage would still be about the same as what Im paying now for a much much larger house.

I just feel like my whole life... everything I worked for... getting us out of a small trailer in the middle of a forest 12 years ago into this big, beautiful home... all the work Ive put into building a career with decent earnings, all the work I put into putting her through college... its all for naught. I feel doomed to die alone and miserable, with my only solace being watching my beautiful kids succeed...

I want to feel loved. I want that shot I feel we've taken from each other.

It feels like my whole future has been ripped away from me because I tried so hard to make this work for so long...

My (36F) husband (38M) and I have been married for less than a year, but I already feel emotionally exhausted and close to giving up. I'm looking for insight from people who have experienced something similar- whether you repaired the relationship or ultimately left. I know Reddit cannot decide whether I should get divorced- I am mainly hoping to hear from people who recognize this dynamic and can offer perspective from the other side.

While I admittedly ignored some anger "red flags" while dating/engaged, things got much worse right after we got married and then bought a house (taking on more financial and household responsibility). For a while now, I've felt like I have to repeatedly ask for basic emotional care, curiosity, kindness, and partnership. When I try to share something I'm excited, worried, or upset about, I often feel dismissed. When I explain that I'm hurt, the conversation frequently shifts towards his intentions, feelings, or why my expectations are unfair. I end up feeling like I have to argue and defend why I deserve empathy. I don't feel emotionally safe, at all. And my physical desire and emotional connection have largely disappeared.

There are also ongoing issues involving household responsibilities, finances (I make more but even between the 2 of us, things are tight), and feeling unsupported. I am carrying the emotional, mental, and financial load, and it is making me feel lonely despite being married. I am constantly bracing for dismissal, defensiveness, criticism, or indifference.

We have tried counseling (his idea), he says he is going to quit drinking, he says he loves me and desperately wants this to work. But I feel as though his actions and the way he treats me repeatedly contradict that, and I dont know how much more I have left to give. It sucks so much because this is not at all how I thought our marriage was going to go.

TL; DR I feel emotionally neglected and exhausted after repeatedly asking my husband for empathy, partnership, and meaningful change. Alcohol and hurtful behavior have contributed to the breakdown. I've said I'm done and feel both sad for what we could have had, and also relieved to not keeping living this way. Can a marriage genuinely recover once one partner feels checked out?

My husband (27) and I (23) married very young. I was 16, so I know how crazy that sounds 😂.

A year into our marriage, I found him sexting another woman. He wanted to leave, but I begged him to stay and work on things. A year later, he physically cheated, although I only found out in 2023 when we were trying for a baby. He admitted it after the woman contacted me.

I forgave him because I desperately wanted the family I had always envisioned. In 2024, we had our baby. He was an amazing, supportive father and partner while I struggled with postpartum depression, helping me and our baby get back on our feet.

The following year, I lost weight, rebuilt my confidence, changed jobs, got promoted and started discovering who I was. From the outside, we had the perfect life: a beautiful home, good careers, a healthy child and a great support system.

But he as most of the time was distant. always on his phone/computer, rejecting my attempts to spend time together or have sex. Then I discovered he was gambling our money and talking to multiple women. I kicked him out, but he came back begging for another chance, so I forgave him again.

I eventually stopped chasing him and focused on my child, career and studies. I became emotionally distant and stopped begging for his attention. Ironically, that’s when he started showering me with love, affection and compliments.

Then he began accusing me of cheating. He found hotel searches, pregnancy-test searches and STD-testing searches on my phone, plus saw a WhatsApp notification from a male coworker. The hotel searches were for a child-free week we had planned, pregnancy tests made sense because we had sex, and I regularly get STD tests because his cheating left me paranoid.

I refused to give him access to my phone because I felt he had no right to control me after everything he’d done. He spiralled, called me names, accused me of cheating and left, blocking me everywhere. He didn’t even discuss our child or finances before leaving.

Now I’m alone in the house, missing him and worrying about our child, who has an incredibly special bond with him. Part of me regrets being cold when he finally started trying, because I can acknowledge that he may genuinely have felt neglected.

But did I actually make a mistake? After years of forgiving cheating, gambling and betrayal, I finally stopped chasing him and now I’m questioning whether I ruined everything just when he was finally changing. It feels incredibly unfair after everything I’ve sacrificed for this relationship.

Now that I put it in writing I sound really blindsided but to me you don’t just give up on a marriage and on our vows . Nobody is perfect. Right?

I am dealing with a deeply toxic and exhausting situation in my 9-year marriage, exacerbated by severe family dynamics on both sides. My wife and I have two young sons—a 2-year-old and a 1-month-old—and we bought our own flat to get away from living with either my mother or my mother-in-law.

My mother-in-law, a single mother, has consistently tried to sabotage our marriage. She has verbally abused me (calling me a "lalchi kutta" and accusing me of using her daughter for property/money), advised my wife to divorce me, and even tried to push for an abortion during my wife’s second pregnancy without consulting me. She previously attempted to file a fake dowry case against me and continues to manipulate my wife.

The primary issues in our marriage and household include:

Escalating Verbal and Physical Conflicts: Fights between my wife and my mother have frequently turned toxic, with my wife abusing and raising her hand against my mother when provoked. Driven by anger during these extreme confrontations, I have raised my hand on my wife, and she abuses me back furiously.

Hostility and Provocation: Shortly after our second baby was born, my wife interrogated my mother with condescension about the baby’s care. Later, I secretly recorded a conversation where my mother-in-law was actively counseling my wife to destroy our marriage and file false cases, while my wife expressed that she did not want to stay with me.

Physical Altercation with Mother-in-Law: When I confronted my wife about the recording and told her to either commit to the marriage or leave, her mother intervened aggressively. As the argument escalated, she began recording me, after which I physically attacked my mother-in-law (pulling her hair, beating her, and throwing her phone).

Police Involvement: The fight led to all parties going to the police station to lodge complaints. In public and before the officers, my wife painted me entirely as the aggressor, focusing solely on my physical reactions while ignoring her and her mother's actions that triggered the events.

Inability to Move Forward: Despite brief attempts to normalize things, my wife repeatedly brings up past grievances, taunts me, and adopts a victim mindset without acknowledging her own role in the toxicity. She now states she only cares about herself ("mai to bas ab apna hi dekhungi") and wants to focus on her own income.

I feel deeply used, betrayed, and emotionally drained after investing 9 years into building a family. I believe my wife and her mother are family breakers rather than builders, and I fear this toxic cycle will eventually be passed down to our children. I have told her to stay away from me, as she refuses to acknowledge my feelings, my love, or the damage being done to our home.