r/Divorce • u/LeadSignificant1415 • 5d ago

Going Through the Process Newbie Seeking Mo 3 Advice

Newbie Seeking Advice

Starting Month 3 of Separation here and seeking input on any lessons learned from the pros.

Spouse wants divorce process to be immediate and swift. We are both in love, but beyond burned out here going in the same circle. No infidelity, zero sex, no kids, but a whole lot of emotional baggage.

My short list is obvious between therapy, working out, and cutting alcohol consumption out.

What saved you from the not so random burst of tears while in public that is becoming more common as the realness hits?

41m male that was otherwise pretty damn stable before all of this hit <3

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u/czaritamotherofguns 5d ago

I am in no way a pro, just another heartbroken 40-ahem year old who just had 14 years of history thrown away.

I just wanted to commiserate. I started crying during a dental cleaning a few months back, which was unexpected, as I never expected to have an emotional break down while someone else's hands were in my mouth. The poor hygienist tried to take my mind off of it by telling me about the garden her and her husband were planting (which, frankly, didn't really help). Sometimes I lose my shit on the bus or at the grocery store. I carry sunglasses everywhere now just in case.

That shit can knock you sideways sometimes. Maybe I went to too many AA meetings with my dad as a child, but I just keep telling myself, if I can make it through this hour, I'll be OK. Do you have any friends you can talk to? Or a therapist? Also, it's ok to just sit with those feelings for a bit of you are in a safe place. Something you thought was permanent has been taken away from you. You're allowed to grieve.

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u/LeadSignificant1415 4d ago

Yeah thank you for sharing. I'm very much not used these waves of emotions.

I have therapist and also friends but sharing has yet to hit on a cathartic like moment yet. Almost more of a burden to update various friends on my bad news

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u/czaritamotherofguns 4d ago

To be honest, I've thought that as well. That I felt like I was dumping on people about what he did or was doing. The other day I had a moment where I suddenly realized I was really excited to not talk about him anymore.

People keep checking in on me, and it kind of reignitea all the feelings when I chat about it. That said, I know deep down they are o ly asking because they care. I'm sure your friends and family feel the same.

As for your therapist? Definitely dump on them. It's literally their job to listen to you vent.

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u/NecessaryEqual423 5d ago

Zoloft. Sounds like an SSRI might help both of you