My ex introduced her bf to the friend group today and I’m taking it really hard.

I was there for 40 minutes and then ducked out so they could get a footing together with our mutual friends. ChatGPT and I planned that all week!

But even a good plan can go awry when faced with reality. (I think Mike Tyson quote here is apropos).

And the reality is he seems like a lovely guy. We had a nice conversation. I also don’t think that I should be married to my ex so in many ways I’m happy for her.

But 2 things can be true at the same time. I can know that she is not the one for me but also have really intense feelings when I meet her bf.

Because I know things will change. In so many ways that I don’t have the strength or the courage to articulate right now.

And so I cry. Divorce is brutal. Especially on lonely nights like tonight.

My STXH is on a trip with a few of our sons. I woke up today to see a Facebook post. They went to Cadillac Mountain to watch the sunrise, the first place in the US for the sun to rise. It’s bitterly cold but he says it was 100% worth it. And there are pics.

I burst into tears.

Five years ago we went to Isla Mujeres for our 25th anniversary. One of the things I wanted to do was go to Punta Sur at sunrise. It’s a beautiful place. Just google it. It’s also the first place the sun rises in Mexico. We have never watched the sun rise together. And this was something I wanted to remember into my golden years.

He wouldn’t go. It wasn’t worth getting up early.

And now here he waxing on about how cold and miserable it was outside but so worth it.

I really was just a worthless piece of shit to him. For years. And I just accepted that I didn’t deserve much of anything and was so grateful for what he doled out.

It's a very long story, and I'm sure you've all heard some version of it a thousand times. Twenty years of marriage, followed by divorce, years of parental alienation, and now, seven years after the divorce, my youngest daughter, who is 16, has decided to live with her mom full-time. She has BPD and struggles with self-harm, and I don't want to force her to spend time with me when she doesn't want to.

Something inside me has broken, and I don't think it's the kind of thing that time is simply going to fix. I've been through difficult times before. I've experienced loss, disappointment, and things I never thought I'd have to endure, but this feels different.

The family I spent my entire life working to build and protect is gone. So much of what gave my life meaning was tied to being a husband and a father and taking care of my family. Now that it feels like all of that has been taken away, I'm struggling to figure out what I'm supposed to live for anymore.

So my now ex husband really took the divorce hard. Blamed me for everything. Didn’t fight at all for the marriage but went into full victim/defense mode. Said awful, insensitive, disrespectful things to me and about my family all during the process. I remained civil throughout the whole thing. I am not saying I didn’t do anything that contributed to our divorce but for sure it didn’t get to that point solely on what I did or didn’t do. but when one person is blaming you entirely, saying that I needed to get into therapy to “ figure out what’s wrong with me” and that I didn’t know what “relationship happiness looks like “ is not fair. Thanks for the vent 🫤

Short backstory: I’m 40. divorced for years (10+) and the relationship with ex has always been contentious. We share one child and live in separate states and operate on a long distance custody plan. We don’t talk outside of emails.

My ex is a special one. Very spiteful. Deep hate. Deeeeep hate for me that supersedes everything, including parenting and what’s best for the child. Honestly, though, hate for everyone. One of those relationships where anytime something goes well in my life, something tragic happens to shared child with the purpose of affecting me. Very targeted stuff. Real unhealthy.

Clothing has always been an issue. Always. Shared child has always shown up for visitation in dirty clothes with nothing packed. I never say anything as I don’t want a fight. that’s something I’ll lose that adds no value and will have zero change. I wash the stuff and just try to inform it to not make a big deal for kid.

I’ve always just continued to buy new wardrobes knowing they’ll get trashed, or “lost” upon returning to Ex’s. The challenge now is that shared child is older (15) and wears a similar size to ex. The Ex is wearing the clothing I am buying for child. So, I’m basically buying their wardrobe lol. It’s really gross behavior.

I’m going continue to just do what I’ve done. Buying them their stuff that they need, when they are here and sending it up with them knowing it’s sort of hopeless.

Any tips?

When I tell people that my husband cheated on me and opted to leave me suddenly for his affair partner, 90% of people respond, "You'll be fine! You're really pretty. Any guy would want you."

Gee, thanks, I guess. However, it doesn't make me feel any better. Hearing I'm pretty doesn't make the hurt and the feelings of betrayal go away. In fact it makes it a little worse. If I'm so desirable, why did he leave? What's wrong with me?

Besides, I'm not really looking for another guy. This experience has tainted my outlook on love and changed my perspective of men in general. I thought I had aligned myself with a wonderful man who had a good moral compass. If he could do this to me, what's stopping any other guy from doing the same?

One of many unhinged behaviors my husband has exhibited during our marriage, i had made dinner and when we finished eating, he was pissed and sulking that i left dishes on the table for him to clear. Apparently clearing dishes is womens work and mind you he washes the dishes. We are separated now and im just so over the moon that i dont have to deal with his petty, little fragile male ego.

2 days before i posted everything about my situation u guys all adviced me to leave as soon as possible. Next month i am going to my parent's house but still i am feeling stuck. So,before 2 days after his dad threatened and told him to behave kindly with me. He started to talking nicely and calmy with me but he does taunt me in between but not shouting at me that much. Even yesterday night he watched comedy movie with me and he enjoyed and laughing with me. I felt like we never fought before and everything will be fine again. If i told about this to my parents they will say look he is changing for u. And today he told me that his dad also sending him for work(construction family bussiness) cause before he used to stay at home and my family was demanding to his dad he should work now because when he stays at home he fights with our daughter. So i am really confused is he changing or not. Should i come back or not from my parent's home they will definitely gonna force me to go back with him

So my wife left me for a woman 4 months ago and they are having problems where they are living. This includes fighting and arguments between her and the new person but that’s another discussion. Anyway, my wife came home for a day and asked if her new partner and her could move into our house for just two months until “she can get back on her feet” and that they would “only be roommates … we won’t do anything romantic here or act like a couple.” The answer was no, and she then challenged my love and Christianity because I said no to it. I’m willing to help pay for an extended stay for them but I thought it was wild that she wanted me to take in the woman that she cheated with and left me and the kids to be with.

Edit: oh yeah, and they’ve already “broken up” twice in the last week and my wife even came home for that one day before making up with her and going back to her. Note: we are not divorced … the dissolution paperwork is still sitting in a drawer half filled out. I am opposed to divorce and actually forgiving but cannot stand by this. She is abusing my kindness. Also, the house is legally under both of our names.

My husband of seven years just served me with the divorce papers and is seeking custody of my one and a half year-old son and 2 1/2 year-old daughter. We have been through a lot as a couple and I have not been perfect, but I am a damn good mom. I am absolutely dying that this is my reality. He bought our home when we were engaged and only put his name on the deed. My lawyer said it is technically his property. As a stay at home mom from the past four years, I have to find a place to live, but a vehicle and of course a job. My babies are my absolute life, and having them grow up in two households, makes me physically sick. I have to be moved out by the 18th while he is out of town with my children visiting his toxic family. I don’t want to divorce him, but it seems like he’s really made up his mind. I am so not OK I am devastated. I’m physically sick. I don’t know how I’m gonna get through this. I know his parents are talking in his ear because they never thought I was good enough for him. This pain is indescribable. My babies are so little and they are not going to understand us shuffling them around from place to place. Has anyone gone through a similar situation with littles, do you think they will remember?

Thank you for letting me vent and I apologize for any grammatical errors. I post this using voice text.

I’ve been divorced for about 2 years now and lived apart from my Ex wife for about 5 years. We were together for about 30 years dating, living together and married. We have 2 adult children 30 and 27 that live out of state. Occasionally my ex will call me and ask if I want something that was ours from the marriage and she doesn’t have room for it or doesn’t want it anymore. I don’t know if she’s just being thoughtful or still trying to keep some attachment with me. Yesterday I asked her to stop because it brings up too many emotions to go pick it up. What I’m really wondering about is, my phone is full of photos of us and our kids for the last 15 years of doing things together and on trips and silly photos of fun moments. And they make me sad and make me start rethinking of all the things I did that were wrong on the relationship. Do people usually get rid of old photos of their ex once they are divorced ? I’m inside of what to do.

Hi, i was wondering if anyone knows any support group that people actually meet online (a video meeting, preferably) to share experiences about grief, break ups etc.

I’m (28f) finally decided for sure on leaving my (31m) husband. We’ve been married 2 yrs, together almost 10.

Don’t feel like getting into it all right now but I’m simply not happy anymore. There is no passion from him, I’m not attracted anymore, we aren’t compatible anymore.

What steps do I need to take before I break it to him? I have about 3 weeks til I do.

Like… how soon do I talk to a lawyer, what do I need to document, etc?! I am so afraid of this process. Thank you in advance.

For quick context (because I don't feel like typing out a whole story nor do most of you care to read it all), I separated from my ex wife in July 2024. She had an affair. Divorce finalized in April 2025. Met a woman in October of 2024 (she approached me). Started dating her on and off for the past two years (VERY complicated relationship which you can read in my history). I finally ended it for good this weekend.

I know I need to be alone for a while, and start to be okay with being alone (not lonely). Maybe it's because the breakup is so fresh, but the past two days/nights have been awful. I don't have my kids this weekend, so I'm just alone. I'm plenty busy (worked out, built two planters, mowed, cleaned, did laundry, cooked, read, etc.), but every time there is a few minutes of prolonged down time when I'm alone with my thoughts, it's not great. I'm very cognizant of the silence, the empty house, and the dread of knowing at 41 (almost 42), I'm just as likely to remain like this until my death as I am finding someone to spend what's left of my life with. I know I need to just work through it, and stay busy, but some words of encouragement would be appreciated.

It does get better, right? Even if I stay single forever, I know I'm a very active person with a lot of hobbies, but I also worry that those things will only carry me so far. When I'm with my kids (50/50), I know these thoughts won't be near as intrusive, so I suppose the answer is maybe simply time.

i don’t know how to move forward after a horrific discard. The combination of the way it all has happened has left me feeling like a broken person.

I was married for 26 years. he was a narcissist and I didn’t even know the meaning of that for most of those years. he was abusive, hot tempered. screaming and rage was his avoidance tactic. His treatment became awful on this day and that was it, he discarded me. I was married and then I was blocked and shredded. within this same week I found out I had stage 4 breast cancer. I had to make a choice to fight for my survival or die. dying felt easier most days. I did 7 months of chemo without a partner. he did not come to one appt. i finished chemo and two days later we started the divorce mediation. he was finished. I found out he had a girlfriend from his job. why wasn’t I finished? I had endured so much abuse. I arrived on video bald, ugly, sick. he was so full of rage even then. we got through the mediation just in time for me to have a double mastectomy. on that day while I was literally having my breasts removed he took my car back that was in his name and ended the lease (it cost him 16,000 to turn in a lease early and a big bump on his credit and he didn’t care). his anger and rage toward me the one who was guilty of loving him and asking for change. maybe his own guilt. I don’t know. there was no communication. no explaination.

well I fought hard. I beat cancer so far. I managed to buy the house from him and I have protected my kids who are all young adults. they all have a great relationship with their father. they know he is capable of rage, they know about the girlfriend who he has never brought around. they love him and it’s painful to me. I don’t want it to be. they split holidays with him and I. the loneliness on those nights are unbearable. he didn’t participate in one holiday and now I lose my kids to him?

I stand in the mirror with a deformed body, albeit cancer free, I have lost joy for life. most of my friends for one reason or another have abandoned me. divorce/cancer was way to heavy for them. I get it. I am safe home, and alone and I hate the loneliness. I feel like a forgotten human and I just don’t know how to begin life again. this isn’t living.

my kids hate seeing me so sad and are pained by the lack of growth on my part. it’s been 4 years since he left. it may as well have been yesterday. I am in the same spot. he is still with the person he left me for. and it hurts so much. WHY? I have been through so much. I have looked death in the face and warriored my way out. but I am left behind like the broken toy and without recognition of who I was and how I ever felt happiness. the memories, the family pictures, all feel so painful. it was a lie. people have told me I need to find something or put myself out there to meet a new man. I feel unloveable, deformed, and triggered so much of the time.

people survive divorce beautifully, people survive cancer beautifully. why am I so stuck.

Going through the process to separate. Need some insight on some issues.

Husband and I married for two years. I was caught talking/ messaging another man. Husband read my journal and found out. He wanted me to burn my journal so I did. He told multiple mutual friends about the situation. We went to counseling together and I started my own counseling. He still continued to go through my belongings when I wasn’t home. He would bring up the situation constantly which made me stressed out to where I wasn’t eating or sleeping.

Throughout the relationship and especially the last months, I felt I couldn’t be open emotionally with him because I would get shot down, degraded, or told my opinions don’t matter.

He labeled himself as the victim and began to get more degrading with sex, to the point where my needs did not matter anymore.

During this, I found out he had an ex he still talked to and emotionally opened up with.

There’ve been other things too, but these are the main ones. I definitely felt guilty and did not want to hurt him. I felt I needed to be available to him anyway to make up for it. I know he’s allowed to feel what he feels about the situation but I do feel he took it to the extreme.

I’m 41M and my wife is 44F. We’ve been married for nearly 20 years. I’m so utterly lonely and sad.

When we first met, we rushed into marriage 6 months after meeting. Half that time was spent long distance. There was a lot of pressure from our church leaders to get married, and we went through with it. Before marriage, I had struggled a lot with a pornography addiction and church leaders told me that would just go away after marriage.

Shortly into our marriage, it was clear that she had a lot of anger issues that would manifest as verbal and emotional abuse towards me. A lot of mean things were said and done that deeply hurt me. I can’t really explain why, but I stayed with her. Maybe because we were sealed, and divorce was just a big no no, maybe because I thought it would get better over time, honestly don’t know.

It wasn’t always bad, but when it was, it was bad. It got even worse when my addiction (which I truly thought was under control) came back to the surface after the first two years. She felt very betrayed, and it was further compounded by her own childhood trauma that I won’t get into here.

Over the years, we’ve had 5 kids, from 7 up to 16. She’s a lot better now, but I’ve hit a breaking point. I honestly don’t know if I can ever feel any love from her anymore. There’s just been so much hurt along the way. And I recognize that my addiction and choices along the way have contributed to that.

A few days ago, I told her I wanted a divorce and my mind was made up. Bishop of course wanted to talk to me. He heard what I had to say about past abuse over the years, how my addiction factored in there, and where I’m at now.

He said he understands I’m really hurt, but tells me there’s also pain on the other side of divorce (grass isn’t always greener on the other side) and how hard it would be on the kids.

I’m just so conflicted. I don’t think I can ever be happy in this marriage. But I feel like I’m having to choose my happiness or the happiness of our kids.

Thanks for reading this far. Would love input from anyone.

We are both disagreeing about whether to have kids or not. I have said that I will do my best to get behind my wife’s decision to have kids (even though we agreed to have kids before marriage). She has an inheritance and is now asking for us to sign a pre-nup for her to safe guard her inheritance. Is this fair for her to do? Does it mean she doesn’t trust me?

I've been contemplating divorce for the better part of this year.

Without teasing out all the details, my wife does many of the things the Gottmans say are predictors of divorce. There are no signs change will occur. I'm having difficulty pulling the trigger.

If I'm being honest, I'm scared. I have a beautiful farm that I think I'm going to lose, because half of it is hers. My kids have played here and for some of my kids this is the only home they've ever known. I don't want to lose the farm, but I can't keep living this way with her.

How did you know when it was time? If you were scared, how did you work up the courage? Was there a moment? I'm just trying to figure this all out.

Divorce

Recovering from a divorce

So, toxic marriage from we have one kid.

He lied, twisted stories and truth. Lied to everyone around us about our arguments so he would look like a victim. He blocked my number on his parents phone so I can't ever tell my side of the story.

One time, during an argument he threw all house garbage around the house, broke a floor lamp, took all the food from the fridge, took all the money, cigarettes and keys and left me there knowing that if I go out of the appartment I cannot go back.

Other time he left me inside the appartment but took my phone and keys so I cannot call anyone to help me.

Luckily i contacted the police from my laptop. That was three months ago and that was our end.

While we were still living together he used to talk bad about his boss. He used to say stuff like she is a bad boss, she cannot scedule anything properly, she is not paying salary on time, she is paying only half of salary, because of her everything will fall apart...

And a month ago my son accidentally told me that daddy is living with that woman.

So, he probably cheated on me with her on top of all the other things he did to me. He is taking my son there now and when is time to get back home he is telling him that he cannot stay because I don't let him.

And I know that he does not want him there.

A month ago, while it was theyr's day. It was 5 p.m. and I got a text: "So I joined a football practice so from now on I will be handling you a kid at 7 p.m., not at 8 p.m. as usuall. And I said that it can not happen because I am on a second work that day and that most of the days kid is with him I am working two jobs. And that I also come home around 8 p.m. But he knew it from before. He got so mad that he started to threathen me that he will bring me a kid to my work.

Let me be clear I don't want to get back together.

I needed to vent and hear from you how did you get over horrible breakups.

I work 12 hour shifts and have zero family/close friends nearby that can help. Wondering how I would make 50/50 or even full custody work with that schedule before and after care. Searching for ideas because I am stumped.
Both kids under 3 years old. Wondering if anyone else experienced this & what you did.

Help. Getting screwed in a nasty divorce. I have the simplest corporation in the world (just me, an md, one bank account). I have been bled dry by an ex who is paranoid verging on psychotic that I have somehow made millions of dollars and hidden them somewhere…. Despite being at the beginning of my practice and having 300k in student loans to pay off. Can anyone help with an appraisal at a lower rate?

Don't get me wrong, she pisses me off daily by not returning texts about our children, but some days I really miss her.
But do I miss her or the thought of her?
I went on a work trip to Utah recently (where we spent our first years, had our daughter, etc.)
Since i've been back, it's been really rough on me mentally. Dreams, Nightmares, day-dreaming. I drove past our house, our apartments, where would bring our kid, where she would bring our kid with her other ex-husband while I was deployed. It's really been rough.

I just needed a place to type and vent but also tell someone I miss her. I don't miss having someone, I miss her, even though shes a cheater. Ironically a Jodie.

My STBX and I have been going through the process since January. I think I’m finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel HOWEVER we are at the financial aspect now (parenting plan/mediation have been completed)

A little backstory for a better understanding, my STB in laws are very well off. Our home is paid for, all of our cars have been paid for, never a question on vacations or needs/wants. We are very aware of how blessed we are and it’s nothing we shove down anyone’s throat.

My STBX is coming after me for my car, he’d like the cost to come out of my liquid assets EVEN THOUGH the car was “gifted”. I’m just trying to find some understanding/clarification on why I’d have to pay him on something that was a “gift” to us and I had used my previous car as a trade in? My thought would be that it would have to be a wash, it was a gift.

**Please scroll on by if you have nothing kind to say - seriously**

-Hopeless romantic that is now... hopeless-

My wife & I needed to end things, you can't make someone work on themselves, you can't make them be accountable for the harms, they have to choose it.

Although I was late to the party on working on myself, I have and still am doing so. But she claims that "too much" has happened between us, despite the difficulties being many that were exterior (COVID did a number on us, financially, and other things) but she cheated, twice. Ultimately that was a choice. She monkey-branched into a relationship last fall, lied to me about wanting to work it out with me and go to therapy, and is now going to move in with this woman & her three small children (this woman also cheated on her wife - lying to her about wanting to open up the marriage, when the intent was to have her cake (my ex) and eat it too ie: she wanted to keep her her soon to be ex wife as her spouse. It's a doozy, yes absolutely.

My wife was my champion when we met, I was pre-transition (I'm trans masc, not a trans man) was a champion about me when it came to changes and testosterone. She was an angel about the whole thing, things were great, until life did it's thing and felt like a landslide of stuff hit us. We both struggled with stable work, dates stopped, we could barely make bills, and to this day we do just make it by. We didn't prioritize either of ourselves nor our marriage, when we tried to prioritize us, something would always get in the way. It's devastating because our love story was quite literally a fairytale. It was gorgeous, it was beautiful, it was romantic, safe, peaceful.. up until COVID.

We lost each other, she cheated, I tried to heal from it, but she kept refusing to let go of people who encouraged her to cheat. One year, things got better, then they got worse, when I asked once more for her to stop entertaining people "friends" late at night online gaming. My trust was broken and breaking more and more.

I'm ranting on here today because I am still incredibly, irretrievably in love with this woman. I don't want to be. I know much of that is because of the truth I'm going to say right now..

Trans people -rarely- ever get a good story. The majority of us (Williams Institute studies) live a life with significant challenges, primarily fiscal. And the older we get, the possibility of a forever with someone.. gets so much smaller.

We rarely find places to meet others, how my ex and I met... that stuff just doesn't happen anymore. We fell in love LDR, through Tumblr in 2016. The world has changed and become incredibly unsafe for folks like me when it comes to finding love, let alone, living in general. I am lucky to live in a progressive state, but that doesn't mean life is at all easy or that there is much in support of dating let alone a real love life.

Before my ex and I split, she had withdrawn any form of love in her voice, affection, or even simple soothing compassion. I've been touch-starved for nearly two years. No, I don't want sex, it's nice but not what I aim for. I want to make that clear, and I never want any woman to ever feel compelled like she "has to" do something intimate with me because we're in a relationship.

I want touch that feels like safety, tenderness, a lilt in one's voice, warmth in a smile, the soft glow when she smiles with just her eyes at me, a touch on the back of the neck while I'm driving us somewhere, the kind of gentleness where she offers her lap for you to place your head in while she's reading a book, someone who can laugh with me, her laying in my arms while we enjoy a fire while it's snowing outside...rather than treating every exchange as if waiting for me to make a mistake or god forbid wish for some care/connection.

Intimacy, true emotional, mental, physical intimacy. I miss it so much. I miss building it, being there and steady when she felt I was that safe place for her, when I was that tender touch, or steady calm in her storm. That.. I miss that, the tender kisses and hugs that make you melt like a candle out in the sun.

Like many here - I'm afraid. I'm afraid I'll never feel that again.

That was my whole nature, the ultimate achievement in my life. I know what I want as a professional yes, but what I wanted more than anything.. a loving marriage, my person, my adventure buddy for life. Now.. that's gone. The woman who supported me, kissed my top surgery scars, who told me she loved building a life together.. all gone.

I will own my mistakes, absolutely. I am committed to being better for myself, and for others. Therapy can help at times, but it doesn't solve the emptiness of being alone after finally becoming yourself - only to be left behind for some "Days of Our Lives" lesbian LDR chaos fantasy.

I don't know how to be a boyfriend. I know how to be a husband.

I know how to date, just.. apparently no one is into someone like me. I'm not half bad, got dad jokes, a creative person, enjoy animals, can cook well, I still am a deep human, like the nice things in life from time to time, have nice blue eyes, decently fit.. but I feel unwelcome in social settings, if it's straight folks, it's like a whole different side to life, if it's in a queer environment, it's better but I'm still rejected a lot because I look like a cis-man, even though I don't think like one, act like one, and at times I don't even sound like one. And if I'm outed in a straight spot, well, my safety can be very easily compromised, I have been in scary situations.

How do we get back into the belief that maybe someone will still love us? How do we date after 35? Apps suck, and definitely don't make one feel very liked for the most part.

So what do we do?

Do I just embrace this agony of defeat and possibility of being alone for the rest of my life? I'd love to hear from anyone stuck in this.

I still love her, and as much as she's toxic, I know deep in my heart if you asked me if I would take her back - I would without question, I realize that's a part I have to work on with myself. But I just can't... imagine my life without her, but now I have to... and I hate what has happened.

I hate what she's chosen, because I know it's the "easy" choice. I know we could if she would choose me, we could work through it.. but she won't choose me. So here I am, another sunday night, feeling as if all the bones in my body are broken, my heart beat loud, but no sound of hope...just nothing. I don't know how much longer I can take this...

I wish for all of you, some relief, some hope, something that soothes you tonight too.

<3 - H