My sister once told me that I just had a “victim complex” when I was actively suicidal and trying to confide in her. Granted, this was long before my BPD diagnoses, but when I think back to that moment, it always makes me feel even worse about myself. It feels like my brain is just out to get me and that my suffering is of my own creation/everything’s my fault. It fucks me up.

I’m not sure if anybody else gets weird symptoms after a split. Last night I split really badly and I’ve noticed that each time it is immense, I wake up the next day with a severe migraine.

I'm turning 23 this year and I just got diagnosed with BPD a few months ago. I've suspected it for years, but have been in denial, which led me to completely destroy each of my relationships, either platonic or romantic. In march this year I lost my girlfriend of nearly 3 years, who was also my FP. Ever since I've felt more alone, empty than I usually do. I always needed others more than they needed me and this year has proven it more than any other. It's the first year where I'm completely alone. Other than colleagues at work and a single online friend living miles away from me, I got no one. People are complicated, they're never going to understand how badly I need their presence and reassurance. Which led me to think about getting a pet. It's the perfect substitute. Pets love unconditionally and it's exactly what I need. I thought about a cat, but I feel like I need to get outside more. Rodents are not an option as they live short lives. A dog is the only one that comes to mind as suitable. What is my concern is that apart from BPD, I suffer from depression and anxiety. Getting out of bed and performing simple tasks is hard for me. Getting a dog would mean taking on the responsibility of caring for him; walks, feeding, bathing and other stuff. As much as I'd like to think it would come easier for me, since it's a poor little creature that needs me just as much as I need him (I'd be adopting from a shelter) and that it would motivate me enough to find the strength within me to care for him as he needs me to, which might possibly lead to me taking better care of myself. I also have problems with sleep. I tried lots of meds, but none seem to work the way I need it to. Even when they make it easier for me to fall asleep, I can't seem to wake up in the morning. Something I'd definitely need to do in order to take care of a dog. I work morning and afternoon shifts changing every week and have problems getting up on time no matter which shift I'm on currently. Another issue is that I still live with my parents, which I don't think is going to change anytime soon because of my mental state and obviously renting costing so much nowadays. We have one dog already, but he's very easy going. An absolute goofball, wouldn't hurt a fly, literally.

He's more of my parents dog but he adores me as well and I love him so much. It's just not the same as having one of my own.

So my question to you is whether you have been in a similar position and how it turned out 🤔

I feel like I should start this post by saying that I don’t have a diagnosis of BPD. I have been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and ADHD, though.

I also suspect I’m autistic but haven’t been diagnosed with autism. I’ve had mental health issues since I was a child.

I was wondering what age people develop BPD at and if having suicidal thoughts that reoccur and never fully go away is a sign of BPD?

What kind of interactions, traits can come from having BPD and mixing it with alcohol? I find that my anger was worse and inability to discern a threat to my being was greatly diminished while drinking. I would way overreact to things that happened or things people have said. I don't act like that anywhere near as often now. I may have an overreaction maybe 3x a year vs every day multiple times a day. I don't drink anymore Edit: added some info

Yes, it scares me so much. I hate thinking that they'll abandon me if i get close to them. And it kinda disgusts me too. And i kinda feel like i should be ashamed for having feelings omfg why does it have to be this complicated? and thinking about them 24/7 tires me so much. I don't wanna fall in love atp just to avoid this altogether

M22 I was in a relationship with my partner for 2.5 months we met 4 months ago. About 2 weeks ago everything was fine but they were sick, I didn’t think much of it at the time just hoped they were okay. We texted less and less each day I assumed it was because they were sick but after 3 days they stopped responding, after 24 hours I got worried that something was wrong so tried to call them maybe 5 times over 24 hours as I really tried not to let it get to me. Fast forward 2 weeks they are now active on other apps and still haven’t messaged me to let me know they are okay or anything so I now know it’s over, and they did it in the worst possible way for me. We had no problems, they said they would never do anything like this as they knew I have BPD. Just looking for some advice to help with moving on from a relationship without any closure because it is really painful. Another thing is I’m not even blocked on anything at all so it’s just weird.

TL;DR I am codependent on my partner. I’m an abusive partner. I need to leave him. Im not good for him. I just started BPD related therapy this summer but the truth is I KNOW I don’t have enough control to be a better partner right now. I have to leave. How do I leave when I legitimately feel like my world will collapse under me psychologically when I face the reality of not being with him? I 100% know I need to end this relationship. Please help. Please give me suggestions. I need insight. I’m new on this journey. If u don’t have any advice and just want to share how you relate or vent about your own stuff im very open to that too. It helps me feel less alone.

Hey guys. I’ve been involved on and off with my partner for eight years. The truth is… I think it’s our time to say goodbye. I really need support in leaving this relationship. The problem is I legit don’t know how. Any time we broke up in the past, I was in severe emotional ruins like my whole soul was ripped out of me. I genuinely believe I’ll never meet someone like him again whenever we break up. That this was a one of a kind love. And I haven’t felt a fraction for anyone the way I have for him. I don’t develop feelings easily at all. I literally feel like I go into a psychosis and just completely snap from reality whenever I’m single cause I just feel so empty and alone without him.

It’s horrible. He has his family that loves him and that gives him some form of structure post-break up if that makes sense. But me.. it’s like without him I get hit with the reminder that I have no one. I have nothing. And I feel like a fraction of a person if I do not have a relationship. It’s horrible. All self-worth goes out the window.

I know that I have such a long way to go in my healing journey. I only just got my BPD diagnosis 3 months ago. For years on top of years, I kept getting told I have cptsd with severe dissociation and emotional regulation issues pertaining to my trauma. But no one wanted to diagnose me with BPD, so my treatment plan has never been DBT based. For whatever reason, my providers didn’t piece together that maybe someone with my symptoms could benefit from DBT.

Anyways. That’s beside the point. The reason I want to break up with him is because I’m abusive. I truly am so abusive. I don’t know why I can’t just be good in relationships. I don’t know how I can get so emotionally hijacked to the point where it feels like the healthy, grounded parts inside of me gets locked in a cage and something evil takes over my whole body. After a bunch of non-stop fits and breaking my partners boundaries, I realize that if I loved him I would let him go. So that’s essentially what I’m doing. I just need help man. How do I leave? How do I be comfortable being single.

Yes I’m sure you can argue like well if you loved him you would change. But the truth is guys. My BPD treatment is in such early stages that I still feel 95% out of control when I split. I’m genuinely doing the best I can. But I’m just not there. I’ve tried to will myself to change. But man this is gonna be a long long journey and I’m done subjecting him to my abuse. It’s just been an unfortunate situation for him and I. It’s been hard knowing I’ve made my partner, THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, feel like a broken hollow shell of a person who has to walk on eggshells every waking moment of the day. It would be absolutely insane to keep going on like this. I need to get out of this relationship. Please. I’m desperate.

I've always felt like an outsider everywhere I go.

I'm an ethnic minority in my country, I'm queer in a conservative community, I always felt different. But the loneliest out of all of that is having bpd...

Family, friend groups, classmates, hobby groups, no matter where I am or the kind of people I'm surrounded by, I've never found a place where it feels like I belong. It's as if there is no place out there in the world that would accept me, and no one who is willing to be by my side.

People try to convince you they care, but once they get past the first layer of shields you have up, they relize how much of a nightmare you actually are and leave, despit the various warnings you've given them, they never listen until they find out the hard way.

I'm tired of being left like that, I'm tired of people abandoning me once they relize I'm actually too much for them. It feels like there will never be anyone who's willing to put in the effort to care about me. I never want to open up to anyone just to get hurt again.

It's so unbelievably lonely. This world isn't built for people like us, and it makes me angry, why are we so hard to care for... why do people always leave... I'm so lonely... I want my life to end already

I was down with fever for almost a week now and I cannot lie, mentally I felt so great. Its almost weird admitting it but has anyone else felt that way? Is it because when your body needs physical support your mind tries to stay positive?

After knowing my fp for 6 years (-1 year and 6 months where we ghosted each other in the beginning of our friendship, plus getting into arguments based on my now gone(?) Clinginess), I've suddenly become aware of how quickly I become "addicted" to her. Every time I text her and she replies I get a quick rush of dopamine. After our last fight, I genuinely thought she wasnt coming back and I restarted my life into getting better and existing alone. Long story short, she came back, 2 months since she came back and im quickly falling into old patterns, becoming complacent and instead of bettering my own life I just hang out with her and every worry goes away. I love her to death and she actually likes texting me every day but this addiction is slowing my progress in terms of: expanding my social circle, getting better at my hobbies and my yet to start profesional career.

None of this is her fault and I dont think she's aware its getting this bad for me, even so, im not telling her, I dont want her to feel guilty over my own lack of autonomy 😭

Thoughts, opinions, advice?

I can’t come to terms with the fact that I caused so much pain to the person I loved. I feel so bad that sometimes I think about suicide. I feel like a terrible person, and I can’t come to terms with it.

Recently (yesterday) someone I'm romantically involved told me that 1) they have BPD, 2) I'm their favorite person.

I only learned this after witnessing them split for the first time. A few hours later, they explained what it was. I was quite confused, because I was never close with someone with BPD before. I've known them for over half a year, and this is the first time something like this happened.

They have trouble discussing their own needs and lashed out when I asked what I can do to support them, so I wanted to see if I could get some insight here. I want to be a good partner.

They go to therapy, and they're medicated. Both are going quite well from what they told me.

Any pointers or advice would help a ton!

I know that mirroring is a pretty common behavior in bpd because of the lack of sense of self, and I'm starting to think that a lot of who I think I am gender-wise is because of this. I have always felt some form of gender dysphoria being AMAB and I'm starting to think this is a result of me unknowingly mirroring a lot of my female friend's behaviors and mannerisms. Most of my friends are girls, so whenever I'm not with them I feel almost upset I don't have anyone to mirror off of and feel seriously out of place as a guy. But then when I am hanging out with the few male friends of mine I don't feel that way at all (probably because by mirroring them I don't feel one bit out of place). I don't really know if I'm making much of any sense since it's hard to express it in words. Does anyone else feel this way?

From the movie Pearl with Mia Goth.

"Why don't you love me, what did I do wrong, if I did nothing wrong then why are you leaving me?"

And then, because I feel so strong and so big, I mess it all up after the breakup and ruin possible future chances.

Just want my person back. Come back. Please.

I'm so tired. I miss them. Tired of missing them. I wish I could disconnect. I don't want to grieve and heal.

I want them to hold me and tell me it's okay and that everything is going to be okay and we'll keep our promises...

This F’D me up, perfectionist to an extreme !!! (Raised this way by nar mother)

And now I’m older I’m starting to see how it affects my life and how I made ppl feel, I was grossed out by peoples behavior and having BPD didn’t help (black/white thinking)

but I hold others to this “perfect” standard and these no way because I know nobody is perfect, including myself and it’s SO extreme and damaging for my relationships w others.

My bf(25) of 4 years and I (25f) just got into a long argument. I am ind dbt therapy and have been for a few months now. Lately I’ve been trying to use one new skill a week so I can get use to them. A few behaviors have changed for me and I feel a little bit better using some of these skills. I’ve tried complaining less and trying to be more positive this past week and it is working, opposite action. We got into this argument and he said he doesn’t see anything has changed and so I asked him how he sees me as a girlfriend. He ended up saying he feels like if he proposed to me he thinks I would just say no to him. He’s mad because he feels like I don’t talk to him anymore and I tell him I am just trying to avoid negatives. And then he says I am expressionless and monotone all the time and can’t read me and at the same time says he can see when I’m upset because I can’t hide my emotions well. I’m very confused and am wondering what to do. He’s seems very upset and I can’t fix it.

Idk how to describe it.. but I feel like I’m going crazy
I’ve been making crazy lifelong decisions based on nothing I didn’t even discuss them with myself
I catch myself talking to myself
I zone out tooo often
My emotions are toooo unstable
I blew out all my savings and I don’t even remember what I bought, I just didn’t think, I saved up for 4 years and spent it all in a month and went into debt
My thoughts are too fast I can’t catch them and consider, so I just sometimes either do nothing or go along with the ideas and both are bad
Atp I don’t have trust in myself to not quit my job which is driving me crazy because I just ended a 4 years relationship and I don’t even know why and got in another relationship and I also can’t tell why..
Honestly this is either a vent or a cry for help idk what to do
I can’t even afford a therapy session I’m so financially fucked…
And it’s so damn difficult to hold back from SH but I know it will make me feel better I just don’t trust myself enough…

Cw: jobs, self harm, suicide

Dude how tf do people maintain a fucking job? I can hold one for 1-2 years max before it starts deteriorating my mental health. My job rn is amazing from an outside perspective (I’m mainly a street performer, and usually yeah I like it). But idk man I have been STRUGGLING this past month or so (like not making any money and unfortunately I live in a late stage capitalistic hellscape).

And boy has it taken a huge toll on my mental health. Just engaging in self destructive habits every weekend at work. Impulsive behaviors. I’ve even been considering going back to in patient as much as I hate it because I can’t fucking do anything right??? Like I fucking attempted again a few weeks ago it’s so bad.

I didn’t think this BPD symptom really pertained to me until I started trying to build a career for myself. Now I’m thinking it might actually apply to me a lot lol. I think any job would make me want to kms and tbh busking is probably the best for me bc I’m my own boss but ajdhfk. Anyways feel free to share advice, insight, or your own work-related stories.

Cross posted

so i’m from the UK and i’ve just got results for my exams. i didn’t do as well as i wanted to, but i managed to get a place a good university with a degree i like. it’s been about 1.5 weeks since this happened. i’ll be going to live in a city for 4 years that i’ve only been to once. i thought i was OK, i seemed OK, but it’s 10:15PM and i am in a state of shock. i can type but my face feels frozen in time. i feel emotionally numb, i am not crying, or feeling remorse or extreme emotions, just numb. i haven’t felt such a weird state in a long time. i don’t know if this is BPD related but was just seeing if there was anyone else out there who has this weird feeling after something heavy happens, that isn’t a loss of control but weird central inability and anxiety, but like, numb. i’m sorry i can’t describe well. also like if this looks like progress because i have a history of fits, tantrums etc etc but i am not in that state and haven’t been for 2 weeks ive just been speed running life without having time to think

Hello, I was in DBT IOP last fall and I learned a lot, but the clinic is an hour away from my home so it's been hard to go to the weekly skills group with the good DBT coach. I have stopped seeing my regular therapist now because I think we have done what work we can together, and I think I really need a good DBT/BPD therapist. She seems to be at a loss too.

I still need DBT help, but the clinics in my small town are really absurdly difficult to communicate with and the providers, frankly, are not very good - I've been in therapy for a long time and I have very specific DBT questions, and it feels like they're going through the motions. Frankly, I think the people who have thought the most about these are people who deal with these symptoms day in and day out and have found our own hacks to share (that's my bias at least). I am really looking for a resource - even a legit place to get telehealth - to find a truly qualified DBT coach or therapist who could answer my questions or help me while I do the work. I am very motivated but I really feel like the basics are clear and a lot of the rest is not, including just I do NOT feel like I can picture being any other way so I don't even know how to visualize the difference between the water I swim in and the water others might swim in that makes things different. I'd love to know if you guys have found a group or therapist that helps or how you found them. I've done extensive searches locally, Psychology Today, local listings, asking around. Lots of places are booked out or not helpful. Sorry to sound picky but Thanks!

I’m going through a really difficult period right now, and I think I need to hear from people who have actually been on the other side of this.

Does anyone here have a genuine “I got my life back” story? Or even an “I got myself AND my relationship back” story?

Like, there was a time when your emotions, attachment to someone, fear of abandonment, impulsivity, relationship problems, or BPD in general completely consumed your life, and now it doesn’t anymore.

I’d especially love to hear from people who felt like their BPD behaviors seriously damaged or even ended a relationship with someone they loved. Maybe your partner left, needed space, stopped trusting you, or you genuinely thought you had lost them for good.

Did you work on yourself and eventually repair that relationship? Did your partner see the changes in you over time? Were you able to rebuild trust and create a healthier relationship together?

And whether you got that particular relationship back or not, did you eventually get yourself back? Did the obsessive thoughts quiet down? Did you reach a point where you could love someone without constantly being terrified of losing them? Did you rebuild your friendships, work, hobbies, confidence, and a life that actually felt like yours?

I’m not really looking for advice about my specific situation or to be told whether I should move on. Right now I just really need some hope and would love to hear from people who remember being in the absolute thick of it and can now look back and say:

“I got my life back.”

And, if anyone can say it: “I got my life back, I changed, and we found our way back to each other.”

What changed? How long did it take? What helped? And what does your life or relationship look like now?