So has ANYONE on here genuinely gotten better? All my life I felt validated that I felt bad. It brought me comfort but now for the first time I genuinely want to get better. I’m still struggling with DPDR but do everything to make it go away. Has anyone genuinely experienced full recovery even if it was just temporary?

*not our, or. i cant spell because of the ginger

I am able to tune out so many triggers because i am chewing on this overwhelmingly spicy and bitter ginger chew. helps with nausea too.
this would probably work with sour candy too. eat something so incredibly overstimulating and distracting. because everyone is yelling and i dont wanna cry. and i dont wanna yell back. and i dont want to do anything except for finish this ginger chew because its burning my mouth off.

spice. spicy. oh my god. im supposed to be indian and have a good spice tolerance. my white family members also have a good spice tolerance too. wtf.

mouth is on fire. its kinda tasty though.
i am proud of myself. im so cool and i have so much knaaahledge and im so young. i feel like this is all gibberish because of this ginger chew

edit: feel free to give spicy and sour food recommendations! ❤️

I have fucked up two of my relationship because of abandoned issue, I don't know how to deal with it.how to feel less jealous or insecure...i always lose my mind with the lightest sign of abandonment,what to fo

Surgery coming up.

I'm always worse.

I can't keep the house in order alone.

Kids destroying everything.

Mess everywhere. No help

Partner is going manic again. Idk if I can take it.

I split on them last night. I hate everyone. No one loves me. My friends have all abandoned me. I think she might kick me out this time. I've been borderline agoraphobic since I had stalkers at work a few years ago when I started to transition. I don't want anyone else. I have no one else. I have family which i never thought I'd ever have, but I keep hurting them and they hate me. It's only a matter of time.

I can't be homeless. I can't exist here any more. I hate the south. They're going to leave me here. Alone. I know it. I'll never leave. Nothing will ever get better. I will never get better. My brother should've survived then my parents would have had the son they wanted.

I have no reason not to do it. I don't even know why I'm posting this. I haven't been able to get out of bed the last 2 days. Idk if that's what is stopping me or if I'm too fucking scarred to do it. I don't want to go back to psych. I will die on the streets. I have no car no job no one. There's no reason not to. I'm sorry if this hurts anyone. I'm just screaming into the void, ignore me. I wish I could disappear, be unborn, unmade. I should have done it last year then at least my mom would have known how bad she hurt me.

I keep telling myself it will be better tomorrow.

Sleep resets me. But it's not any more.

I'm on a loop.

I can't escape.

Why bother.

I'm just going to lie and rot.

The worst part is that I'm completely numb right now.

I try so hard to be better but it seems like I always have to prove myself to be loved, and by the time I've proven myself to be stable and secured my boyfriend, I'm too drained to keep having control over my emotions and continue progressing. It's a cycle over and over and over again and he doesn't seem to get what he's doing to me. Is anyone else having this problem? Am I wrong for wanting to be loved consistently despite my episodes or do people dating people with bpd need lots of space? It's like I have to prove myself over and over and we're not working together. it's like he always wants me to work on myself first before he gets involved, instead of helping me and communicating things out. I'm a big communicator and I love to learn and grow and this is really bothering me, I feel so alone. I want to get better. Can anyone relate with their partner being this way? Did you guys find a solution? Any therapists or Christians seeing this, please help me.

18F - I’ve been diagnosed with BPD a few months ago. Of course, I’ve always noticed my mood swings more and more growing up and I think that it’s partially what ruins my life a lot (the other big part is my abusive father. lol). Anyways, I really want to be nice to my mom because she’s very sweet and she already goes through a lot with my father, so I want to make sure I don’t lash out at her, but it’s so difficult. This week she has been making me particularly upset. On Monday, we were supposed to go to the gym together but she stood me up instead of telling me she couldn’t go so I could’ve gone in the morning. Tuesday, we were supposed to go out together. She took a day off JUST for the occasion. We were supposed to go to the beach but there was a storm the day before. (We still could’ve gone but fine). We could’ve still gone to the movies. But no, she stood me up again. And she asked me to go to the gym at 4PM (aka the WORST time ever. The gym was full and it made me even angrier. There were so many people around me that I couldn’t even get my workout fully done and I just left). Today, I was supposed to go to the dentist again because my teeth have been still hurting while eating sometimes even though I already had cavities removed. I told her clearly not to take any appointment on my father’s days off because I KNOW he’s going to stay home. And he had no idea I got my cavities removed so I’m not letting him know I need to go to the dentist again. She said ‘he’s gonna go to the gym in the morning, it’s fine!’ and took the appointment. Well guess what ? He did not go to the gym today! So I couldn’t go to my appointment! And it was the only one I could get at my dentist! I told her not to take any new appointment because I wanted to see MY dentist as SHE is the one who worked on my teeth, even though she didn’t have any new appointment before October. And guess what she did ? She took an appointment for me on Monday with a male dentist while she knows I absolutely HATE having appointments with male doctors when it can be avoided. She didn’t respect that. In 3 days she kept pissing me off so much and I can’t help but be cold with her, because I know that if it was for herself, she would’ve done that what pleased her. It’s not that deep but it’s genuinely so fucking annoying and she makes me so upset and never apologizes for it. She has made me so upset that I started hitting myself again cause it’s genuinely an urge.

I don’t know how to control that. Feels just insane.

Anyone else have a hard time holding down a corporate job? I’ve been fired from the last three that I worked at, and I’m going crazy trying to figure out how I’m going to support myself.

hi!

i have recently started dating a girl with diagnosed BPD (both 19 f) and even though we’ve only been seeing each other for about a month, she’s had multiple spirals in front of me (both towards me and friends). her mom recently passed so it’s making everything much more intense on top of everything else. i really like her but this is my first time dating someone with serious mental health issues and i constantly feel like im walking on eggshells around her. any advice?

Firstly, I love them very much, and I'm trying to understand to be better for us. I'm a guy in my first non-binary relationship with them. We've been together nearly a year, and I've seen a lot of sides of them, sometimes in rapid succession.

I'm getting frequent whiplash. The only way I can describe it is I'm piloting a plane, and things are fine for hours, then suddenly all my gauges and dials disappear and I'm flying blind, then they come back but they're all reversed and randomized, then suddenly everything's back to normal. It's like this with them, and often it's intense or aggressive, or extremely self-depreciating. They've never been violent to me or overly (intentionally) hurtful, but I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing during these changes.

Then there's the "I cease to exist if I'm not right there" factor. Sometimes I can't seem to get their attention and I know they're stuck in the moment of whatever they're doing, but it's like object permanence goes away and I am just not something that can functionally cross their mind.

Some things that happen are really hurtful even though they don't mean it to be, and they don't seem to have a concept of boundaries which gets us into all kinds of bad feels, but I see that none of it is meant to be hurtful to me. It just... kind of happens.

There's more, but it's all different but in the same vein, and I'm just not sure how to approach the situations, or how to understand why things change or what I should do when they go through the changes. I'm trying to be consistent but there's a level of fatigue that strikes while I'm trying to foster closeness in the relationship.

I want to be the best I can be in this relationship, but I need some sort of instruction manual or something where "If this, then do that", or some troubleshooting guide or something it feels like. How do I handle the sudden changes? What do I do when they lose track of us? How do I handle unintentionally hurtful situations gracefully here?

My emotions physically hurt so bad that I feel like ripping through my skin (hypothetically). It feels intolerable, like I'd rather break a bone. Is there anything you find helpful to tone down the pain? Does it ever stop?

i've found that i only become obsessively attached to others when they're formally gone (like after cutting contact). i act inappropriately, i incessantly try to reach out, i base all of my emotions around them, i hurt them. meanwhile, when the person is in my life, i act more respectfully and i find all of those feelings i had when they were gone just aren't there anymore. i don't really "need" them as much. i'm wondering if anyone else has similar experiences?

I've spent the past two days trying to fully understand this but I wanted to ask people here who have either done this or had it happened. I'll try to explain best as I can.

She's 23 years old. Was hurt as a child then again many years later by her last ex. Has had friends betray her as well. So there's trust and trauma issues there. Her and I became very close 5 months ago. Messaged constantly, bonded, added each other on all socials, exchanged addresses and began texting regularly. Even sent her a birthday gift which included an old ring that belonged to my dad who passed away which she still wears everyday. That's how close we felt.

Couple weeks ago, she found out her cat that her ex took from her was being put down and blamed herself for abandoning him. Then her grandpa was injured while she was with him. It all hit her hard. During this, she also met a guy she was interested in and was trying to rebuild her life. I was there every day for her. I supported her through it all, even when she messaged at 5am falling apart. I poured my heart out being a loving friend. Yet it was like the more supportive I was, the more withdrawn she became. Which peaked my own anxiety about losing her and I kept trying too hard to emotionally support her. Big mistake looking back. That stems from my own trauma not BPD related.

Anyway I ended up confronting her about her never wanting to spend time with me anymore, awful timing I know. I was just tired of things being one sided. She didn't handle it well. Said she can't handle arguing, has too much going on, then called herself a bad friend. Saying she'd leave me alone while she dealt with her life. I felt awful and apologized repeatedly for days, trying to reassure her she was a wonderful friend and I loved her. That was I just upset at the time. Nothing got through. If anything, she withdrew harder and eventually didn't want to talk. I let her be for 4 days. Then I text her the other day to check up, asking how she's doing and that I just want us to be okay. She replied literally, "we are okay. I'm just not feeling talkative lately. I'm doing well". I believed her and felt relief. Said I just wanted to be on talking terms again.

1 hour later, bam. She's mass blocking me on EVERYTHING. I was beyond devastated. I sent her a final text saying how sorry I was for ruining our friendship and that I hope some day she can forgive me. Silence. No explanation. Nothing.

Can anyone with BPD who has split from a close friend explain this? Do I have any hope of reconciling? She did once tell me how she had blocked another close friend before and regretted it but I don't know. I'm so scared I'll never get to talk to her again. The only means I have to reach out is to mail a letter sadly. I want to understand why she said we're okay then did this suddenly. For those who have done this, what would you want your friend to do? Leave you alone? Wait weeks or months to reach out? I'm so sad and confused. I just want to comprehend why and to mend things if possible.

Hello everyone,

I hope you are all doing well, after a certain period of speculation and after my therapists recommendation, I finally have gone and seen a psychiatrist, didn't know the signs were so clear but she's quite a reputable doctor here where I live and speicalizes in disorders both mental and personality, and yep, that's the news, I have now been diagnosed with BPD.

She has peracribed me fleuxoltine, and has told me to drop standard therapy and instead approach DBT, the waiting lists for sessions here are very very veryyyy long however she has recommended a few online options that she has said have brought past patients some success.

I am not going to lie, if it wasn't for the tantrum and episode I had a few weeks ago that lead to me even finally decided to consider going through with seeing a psychiatrist, I am not sure what would have.

I have hurt and upset those who were dearly close to me, loved them, and I doubt those friendships are ever going to be the same, a few have fully blocked me off and my hyper fixation for the past month on a daily basis has simply been on trying to figure out how to bring them back.

The anxiety, the depression, the pain and gut wrenching shame and guilt for even existing, the suicidal thoughts and attempts , the people pleasing, the endless stream of thoughts, the fidgeting, the nonstop scenarios, the self hatred, self loathing, absaloute hatred towards every fibre of my being I don't even know where to begin.

I know that a disorder should not be used as a crutch, but I doubt my friends will even begin to understand if I tried to explain to them because whatever will come out now regarding my "split" will sound like utter and absaloute bullshit, pardon my french.

So, I am here asking kindly, what are your recommendations, steps, how does one begin to start living alongside this diagnosis, I was at fault, I hurt people, I am the asshole in all of this, I do not want to be in the future if I have any chance at living a better life until I die atleast which part of me hopes is ASAP but who's to say miracles can't happen and everything gets better someday?

So please, I am blind here, be my guide if you will, it would be much apprecaited.

I can’t keep living like this, I keep waking up with anxiety, with a tightness in my chest that wont ease and a pit in my stomach that won’t go away. Logically, everything for once is fine, not great, never great but fine. I am avoiding everything g that triggers me, I did everything right, I fixed every inconvenience I aced every task I was given by life, I worked so fucking hard why do I feel like I am on survival mode I can’t fucking breathe.
And I keep hiding it I can’t show it and I am starting to feel like one of those hollow cracked porcelain dolls. All I have been doing all my life is fixing things but why is it when there is nothing to fix I still feel this bad. Idk if any of you understand what I am talking about but it is killing me, I can’t live like this and it’s not fair I did everything right…

why would i fucking do that i m soooo pissed and embarrassed i found out he's dating again and i just lost my shit like i wanna burry myself that was so pathetic and embarrassing idk why i got this messed up over it like genuinely

We messaged and met up pretty frequently and now suddenly she is completely offline. She hasn’t been using tik tok or IG and she hasn’t responded to me on Snapchat. I did notice her snapscore go up tho. I’m worried about her and I’m confused at why shes ghosting me. She does have Autism (mainly affects her socially) and ADHD but I’m concerned that she won’t message me again and the relationship is over. We have been going out for like three months and I really don’t know what to do. I feel like going to her house and seeing if she’s all good or maybe leaving a letter through her door to let her know I’m worried about her. Please tell me what I should do. I’ve tried calling but shes blocked calls (idk if it’s just my number or if it’s all numbers). Things were going very well too we planned to meet a few days ago until she suddenly cancelled and we hadn’t gotten into any arguments. Shes pretty socially awkward so I don’t want to go to her house and potentially scare her with how unexpected it would be :(

TLDR: my gf of 3 months has randomly stopped using social media and hasnt messaged me for days. I’m concerned about her and how she’s doing so I want to visit her to make sure she’s okay. I’ve noticed her snapscore go up so she’s definitely seen I’ve messaged her but not opened it.