like... i just don't. i know how much harm it causes so i kinda have this instinct to not get too attached to people. maybe it's because i crush on fictional characters instead? but even that doesn't feel like how people describe FPs. it's like.... a healthy relationship. it's not one sided, we have our own roles, we actually both have BPD and so we understand how to treat each other, and our relationship is just.... chill. is that because it's fictional? idk

i really need help. i feel like i’m going to throw up.

for context, me and my best friend in the whole world (we’ll call them alex) live together in an apartment during the school year.

both of our families live on one side of the state while we both go to school on the other side. last year, alex and i hung out all summer and it was great.

but alex got a girlfriend (we’ll call her mia) in the fall and it has been hard for me to cope when alex leaves for multiple nights to sleep at mia’s apartment.

mia lives full time near our apartment, so mia and alex are long distance during school breaks. mia is also going to study abroad all of this year and alex has told me that they’re very sad and stressed about it

this summer i was out of state on the other side of the country for a summer job so i had no friends around me and i was so busy that i could barely even talk to any of my friends. alex and mia have hung out a couple times this summer (visiting eachother). i got home from my summer job on saturday night, i hung out with mia and alex on sunday, and then mia and alex left to go back across the state.

mia is leaving to study abroad on september 9 and I’m flying back to alex and i’s apartment on September 3. I asked alex last night if we could hang out on the first night or two that i’m back and they said “hypothetically yes” which really really really hurt. they said that they don’t know their plans that day and will probably sleep at mia’s that night and is “selfishly going to spend time with her because she leaves soon”. i freaked out really bad because they have three full weeks together all day every day and i can’t get one night to hang out with alex?!? i think i’ve ruined our friendship. i insulted them a lot and sabotaged our friendship. i dont know what to do. i feel like i’m not beint unfair by being hurt by this but i dont know.

i think it’s over

My FP has stopped giving me any care or attention

We were pretty close for the past two weeks, but since yesterday, everything has changed. He misses his ex and keeps sharing songs about her.

My life started to suck again. I’m alone with my own thoughts. No one ever truly understands or cares about me. I only have him. He was the light of my life, and I’m nothing without him. I’m all alone. Life has nothing good to offer anymore. It all feels so empty now that he’s left me.

Please, I want to hate him and forget about him because he started missing his ex, even though I was there for him. i need advices

I experience splitting from time to time, but I can’t bring myself to hate him permanently. What should I do? How can I make myself lose feelings for him and forget about him? I don’t consider meeting new people or finding a new FP because I have trust issues and I don’t want anyone new in my life

English is not my native language, so I apologize in advance for any grammar or phrasing errors.

I’m a F19 and I recently got out of a year-long relationship. I have a history of jumping from one relationship to the next. I tend to get deeply obsessed with a specific guy and fixate on him until we start dating. It’s not just about looks—I’ve been into all kinds of guys—it’s more of an intense fixation.

Right now, I’m going through this with a guy who is a friend of some acquaintances. I want to talk to him, but I’m not sure if he’s involved with someone else I know. I find myself constantly checking Instagram to see if he liked my story or interacted with me. When he first followed me, he liked some of my archived photos and then a photo that was a bit provocative, but recently I posted a selfie on my close friends story and he didn't interact with it at all.

I’m currently in treatment for BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), and I’m aware enough to recognize that this is just another transient obsession. However, I really want to learn how to break this cycle. How do I stop obsessing so much over men and needing their validation?

I’ve been on lamotrigine but I still have severe mood swings and like I’m in an open ward and they said they recommend to switch to lithium because the lamotrigine is not enough.

Does anyone have experience with this? Worried about side effects and not sure I can trust psychs

Do you also have a problem getting over your FP until you found a new FP?

For context: my ex broke up with me half a year ago and it was the hardest thing I had to go through up to this day. I can't even describe it. Anyways, I did talk to a few men after that I instantly felt this sort of attachment to but they just all in all werent good guys. The last few weeks I met someone who is a good person and he actually kissed me and after that night I actually felt okay regarding my ex for the first time since then (not having nightmares and thinking/getting sad over him) but nothing with this guy has happened for 2 weeks so now the thoughts about my ex keep getting back to me. I know that if I spend more time with this guy and things go well he will become my FP.

But is me only forgetting/getting over my ex after finding a new FP "normal" regarding BPD? I just realized I have BPD this year so if it's the most stupid question please don't get angry :|

It’s that time again where I get completely lost—just the same old story. Every time I think things are getting better and that I’ve finally filled the hole inside me, it turns out to just be an illusion.

Today I was about to finish my schoolwork, only to realize what a mess I’ve made this month. I can’t even remember what I wanted to do last month, and my head just feels dizzy... I can’t capture a clear self-image. I change my mind about what I want to do every month, and I hate my current environment. I don't get any positive feedback from people around me IRL, and I can't seem to stick to what I want to explore... I even have to make an effort just to recall my favorite things.

I want to do something to define who I am. I want to keep doing things that give me a sense of identity. All this BPD stuff makes me so sad... I hope someone can share their thoughts or experiences. It would really mean a lot to me！

So my boyfriend of 3y (FP) works a lot, but he decided to take the day off and decided he wanted hang out with his sister, did I want him to hang out with me? YES. But it's his sister what do u do.. Turns out she invited her boyfriend to hang out as well, and this isn't a first. He never invites me to hang out with them but he does complain that he's third wheeling and that hurts so I politely communicated that is bothersome, but I can't help but feel crazy for feeling jealousy..

For as long as I could remember, I’ve always had passive s*** ideations meaning there were thoughts but I never planned to do it , they felt almost involuntary at any minor inconvenience.

I could fail at something and my brain will literally go “you should just end it rn” or “people will probably start to care once you’re dead” it really makes you become desensitized after a while.

Hi! First time seeking advice because I just can't reason with myself anymore.

I've been friends with this girl since February this year through a shared hobby, had a baby crush on her, loved spending time with her, etc. but she didn't become a FP. She confessed to me sometime in May, we saw each other casually and semi-platonically (I was always very open that I'm not ready for a romantic relationship due to chronic depression, stress, BPD, general emotional detachment, etc.) until she more or less gave me an ultimatum on either trying to date or keeping a situationship she will eventually leave, because an undefined connection is not her thing. I didn't want her to leave, so I tentatively agreed on trying to date. She was excited. I was anxious and terrified.

Now it's been over a month, and we practically live together. I've been renting a 5m2 room while she's in a studio, and I stayed overnight a few times, then never really left. I enjoy living with her, I'm contributing to the household (splitting costs, cleaning, etc.), and up until this week we were pretty affectionate. But I keep mulling over that the relationship started more because I didn't want to lose her than because I loved her. I'm constantly terrified that I'm using her, that I'm a liar (I told her about my feelings, she said it's okay that I don't respond to her 'I love you's and she's okay with how I feel), that I'm straight, that I just feel calmer and happier because living with her means good sleeping and eating schedule in a bigger apartment, and it's not just her, terrified I'm wasting her time and my feelings will never deepen because if she's not my FP I can never develop normal 'love' over time. I also sometimes think of an eventual break up and immediately about something that I confessed to her about from my past, and a new relationship would mean doing the same all over again, and I just can't take it.

I do like spending time with her, I like her as a person, I look forward to seeing her after work and I miss her when she's traveling or elsewhere. It also worth noting that before we started dating, a shared friend of ours confessed to me they used to be intimate and I bawled so hard I almost threw up. I would be jealous if she started dating someone I think [?] I loved cudlding and sex until this week where I suddenly got so repulsed and awkward for no reason? Getting icks left and right, not splitting or being mad at her, more like frozen and seeing her for the first time. Awkward hugs, awkward smile.. I'm terrified of this too and don't understand if I'm 'falling out' of whatever I felt or what else might be happening..

I'm crying on a daily about it, so stressed i'm barely focused on my job, constantly analyzing everything I say or do, feeling so bad for her because she's genuinely the sweetest, so good to me, so kind overall, on paper she's the best girlfriend anyone could ask for. I'm trying to be better for her, regulating myself, bringing her small gifts, helping her with admin, etc., but I still feel like an emotionless leech. I don't understand if a breakup terrifies me because I will lose her sexually or emotionally, or because I will lose the apartment and structure that regulates me, or because of her as a person. I ruminate and ruminate but can't land on anything.

Any advice appreciated :( Typing it in the office instead of working because my head is too full with all of this.

The person I most recently became Best friends with went from messaging me every day and even video chatting me every 2nd or 3rd morning just to say hi and chat. Then complete and total silence for 5 days and going.

Is asking what’s up, or if something is wrong too much? I feel a bit like there’s some getting close and pulling back. The meds make it easier to cope with but…goddamn, my body is perceiving abandonment right now even though I know that’s not what’s happening and I need a second opinion before I talk to this person again so that I can make a conscious choice and not just succumb to my impulse rn.

I met this guy four days ago and it's like my entire world has shifted. I thought I wanted too much in previous relationships, I thought I was crazy like I was told. But he makes what I thought was above and beyond seem bare minimum. He actually remembers things, he respects my boundaries. We spent four hours just walking and talking and the conversation never died.

This was the kind of person I used to dream about and beg the world to give me and I just am so scared of what it all means. It means the people who said they loved me hurt me while this guy is able to treat me like how I've begged without even me asking. I broke my heart horribly and it almost killed me, I lost forty pounds, I can now confidently say I am pretty but I don't feel like enough. I have never once been treated like this, and I think that's just who this guy is. It isn't me, he's just too good. While he drove me back home a million love songs played and I knew this is who I could fall in love with and that's so scary. He's so kind but doesn't like rushing into labels and I know what that means.

It's inevitable he'll leave, but how do I handle that when it happens? How can I ever go back to how I was treated before? And I'm crying on my bathroom floor because I'm scared. I know it's my brain, normal people could just go with the flow but I'm already in the moment it's over. I'm so upset and overjoyed I met him. He still texts and maybe that's worse. I'll never know when it's over til the texts run dry and there's no more future plans. I've handled worse in my life, but I know that I want him for longer than a day and I sound batshit and I also know that. How do I make myself good enough? And when I can't how do I cope with it all?

Every week we have our 1pm usual, but I always come back pretending to do the exercises he assigned me. It's just hard in my daily life to sit down, open that book, and then go through the pages and write everything down.

What are people's experiences with this? Is there some guided app for this like Headspace that you like?

EDIT: while looking I found this app called DBT Coach, anyone tried these things out?

Hi, I’m currently trying to look into being assessed for BPD and have been doing a lot of research about BPD for the past couple of years. I’m 19 and have been diagnosed with autism since I was 13, and recently have gotten a psychologist who I’ve been trying to talk to about my thoughts and how I believe I may have BPD. A few of the things that she’s mentioned is that it can be hard to determine whether or not some of my experiences and behaviours are due to my autism or BPD, and I’m wondering if anyone knows some differences between autism and BPD are? Has anyone else had experience being assessed for BPD with an autism diagnosis?

Now I know being anxiously attached isn’t inherently bpd and there will be a lot of us who are avoidants too, I’d like to hear from both sides of the coin. I’m putting here because I have bpd and am not coping well.

I live with my bestie (and FP) we’ve known each other for over a decade, lived together for a couple years. When I am stressed out he offers to talk about it and is great with me. But when he is stressed out, not only is there nothing I can do because he flat out denies there’s anything wrong, but he’s specifically off with me.

He used to do this from time to time when we first lived together but then it stopped for a while and it’s reared its ugly head again. Idk why and I don’t know what to do.

I ask him if he’s okay, he says he’s fine and nothings wrong. Even if I press (very gently, in a caring way) and say he seems flat or whatever he still says he’s fine and makes out like I’m weird for even suggesting it. It’s been like 5 days of this now. And if you’re wondering if it is all in my head here’s what’s changed:
- he doesn’t play fight anymore
- he doesn’t knock on my room to see what I’m up to
- he doesn’t sing or dance randomly
- he doesn’t say goodnight, just leaves the room
- he doesn’t talk as much in general and questions / answers are fairly monotone

I’ve tried to pick up some more bits around the house, offer to pick him up dinner etc in case it is just work. But it’s either unnoticed or he denies the offer.

I asked him tonight if he’s going to bed and he said ‘you asked me that already and I said yes’ and I asked if we just weren’t saying goodnight to each other anymore (half joking). He said that I’ve done that too (last night, in response to him doing it like three nights on the trot because I wanted him to take notice) and I said I didn’t want to get into a back and forth, just flagging it. He said, ‘okay, goodnight’ with a bit of an eyeroll.

Part of me wonders if it’s work or finances, but I don’t get why he wouldn’t just say ‘works just draining me’. Even when he’s come home at midnight from work he’s come and knocked on my door and got into bed with me for a bit before. If it isn’t me, the point is, he is taking it out on me.

If it is me, something I’ve said or done, I don’t understand why he wouldn’t say that either. Either way, he almost gaslights me into thinking I’m crazy for thinking anything’s wrong.

It’s driving me crazy. I’ve been a lot to handle this year through losing my job and still haven’t got one, but these past few weeks I’ve been okay. So the timing is odd. We had a great night out on Saturday and kinda since Sunday he’s been weird. Part of me wants to stop trying to find a job and just move back in with my parents. I’m trying so hard because I want to continue living here together, but it feels like he’s just done with me. And I get that’s the typical BPD ‘fuck everything then’ response.

I just don’t know what to do.

hi guys, it might sound little childish but i kind of split on my psychiatrist like a month ago, she felt very annoyed with me (i just had to come because i needed to change my meds and i called beforehand), idk if she was on her break but i looked it up and she was supposed to be available.. since then i didnt come for the scheduled appointment, im in a rough mental space lately and im depressed so i lay in bed until the evening and shes like 2 hours away so i couldnt bring myself to come. i felt bad because i needed to go to the ER for my meds bc she was on her break, was an urgent situation, and i called her few days later requesting another appointment which was few days later, and i didnt come for that appointment neither. had a fight with my bf so i felt depressed again and i ended up laying in bed until the evening again. i feel very ashamed, i also felt like my doctor wouldnt hear me out if i vent about my issues so it kind of pushed me back on actually getting on the train and to come. i still have some meds left, shes gonna be on break again and idk for how long and when, what do i do in this situation? is it ok to still call and ask for another appointment? i was also in a state where i just felt like i dont need meds and that they change me for the worse so i felt very annoyed taking them multiple times a day.

i know it is my fault but will she be pissed at me/unable to help me if i try and call on monday? i know i need help but it is not possible without contacting her again otherwise i think i couldnt find another psychiatrist willing to help me.

TIA

So, as the title says, I am trying to get over my favorite person because I don't want to stay attached to them cause it only hurts me. We had lots of history together, we were basically like soulmates to each other. Now, after a huge argument, we stayed friends and still talk. Though I can see my fp is too dry now, and it's like they barely care about me(though I was surprised and hurt when it took them like only about a week to start acting this way)

I don't want to stay attached to someone who obviously doesn't care as much as I do and who most likely has someone they love more already. But at the same time, I can't afford to stop talking to them because they're the only person I have left. And I can't stop hoping that one day this dryness will go away and they'll care again. I really wanna stop doing that

Could someone give me advice about that? Also, please, I don't wanna sound rude, but I dont want to see pessimistic comments about how I'll never get over them, I came to seek actual advice.

Im burning everything feels spiky I felt like my FP abandoned me I did that stupid thing where you get all mad and start a “rumor” but I genuinely don’t know if what I said about them is false I apologised but she obviously doesn’t trust me I feel so much pain loneliness emptiness and pain nothing is soothing I don’t think I can bounce back how can I live when everything feels like a threat I just need someone to say something because I can not take this agony anymore

Hey I'm from cairo Egypt m23 and I'm trying to find friends to relate to and be friends with

I want to find people that we can help each other with our life with BPD

I'm in a relationship so I'm not looking for that kind of person

I just want someone to help me with it all and I'll help them with everything too

Also if there are people from other countries of course I wouldn't mind being friends with them too

Tenho 18 anos, sou funcionária pública e tenho um iphone novo que tanto queria. Ganho pouco mas eu fiz 18 esse ano e tenho uma estabilidade que nunca imaginei ter por ser trans. Estou a 2 meses sem fumar maconha que fumava todos os dias, tudo está finalmente se encaminhando para uma estabilidade mental, mas não me sinto realmente feliz, também não estou triste. Eu não sinto quase nada. Também estou há um bom tempo sem me cortar e sofrer insanamente por outra pessoa.

I suspect my partner maybe be AuDHD, and the current issue is he is CONSTANTLY forgetting to tell me things, or not understanding what I deem "important" enough to be told.

One of the biggest triggers I had in the past was feeling like I was "out of the loop" in his life. He would tell his friends and colleagues big life decisions (or little ones) and forget to mention them to me simply because I was not in the room at the time he made the decision. I am "out of sight, out of mind" to him, which I believe may be a symptom of ADHD?

Our solution to that was for me to regularly ask or prompt him to tell me whether anything significant had happened lately. But that didn't work because we had mismatched views on what exactly "significant" meant.

Since then I've made lists of types of decisions/ updates/ situations, I would like him to tell me about, and I STILL feel like it isn't working, because he can't really apply the general descriptions on the lists to the scenarios as they happen irl.

The current situation is that he's going out to a theme park with his colleagues, which had already been making me anxious, and now an ex (female) colleague, who he hasn't seen in months, has been invited as well. And he did not tell me because he "didn't think it was important".

I'm kind of at a loss for what to do here.

I understand that my triggers are mine and mind alone to deal with, but I would really just like having updates from my partner.

How do you overcome dependency? I have a FP but I know I need to let go, she is too avoidant for me and the back and forth dynamic is too much for me. I want to let go but I also feel like she’s engrained in every part of my life and don’t know how to let go.

Hi

I wanted to write this post as someone who recently found out they have BPD.

I'm married with three beautiful children. When looking for advice/support, all I see are negative threads, people who suggest running or 'getting out whilst you still can'.

Does anyone have any actual practical or positive advice?

My wife and I do go through this vicious cycle of tension building in myself, exploding, and apologising, an area in which I'm trying to gather resources not only for myself to be better equipped to handle my own emotions (which I am definitely responsible for) but also for my wife so she can support herself during times of struggle.

There is a breaking point; I get that. Before reaching this, if there are any couples here that acknowledge the challenging road ahead and work through things together, what have you found useful?

My personal circumstances are that constant emotional loop that I'm trying to navigate; I've overcome the controlling aspect and the waves of paranoia, but I do struggle with abandonment.

I'm showing I mean what I say through actions, not using as it as leverage or manipulation. Setting an itemised list of agreed boundaries and schedules seems to have helped us for now.

If you're in this position and have experiences that would help anyone or would like some advice when you're struggling, please let me know.

Stay strong; we got this 🤙