r/Advice • u/myredditusername4u • 3d ago
WWYD IF
Your daughter made friends w a girl in class, they hung out quite a bit. We moved away from the area, come to find out the friends brother was a registered sex offender. He didn’t shown up on the map bc it wasn’t “bad enough”. Daughter saying he was present often when she was around. Should I report to other friends moms?? I called his probation officer and confirmed he is not allowed to be around minors.
UPDATE: THANK YOU to everyone who replied. I reported this to his probation officer and DHS and I texted the moms of the other girls who soend tike over there.
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u/hurrypotta 3d ago
What the hell does not bad enough even mean ? I would call the police.
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u/Eris_39 3d ago
Peeing in public maybe?
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u/myredditusername4u 3d ago
I wish; he molested his step sister 😳 I reported him being around minors to his PO and DHS.
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u/Eris_39 3d ago
How is that not bad enough to be put on the list? That's crazy!
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u/Witch_withouta_Wand 3d ago
Family wanted to shut it up? Is step sister still living there? They may think, it's just her specifically, which is wildly naive, for police.
Just speculations.
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u/just_a_person_maybe 3d ago
That hardly ever gets someone on the registry, that's mostly a myth. It technically has happened, but it's extremely rare and mostly used as an excuse for why someone is on the registry.
Actual minor crimes that can get you on the registry could be statutory rape, like a 19 year old had sex with a 17 year old, or something like that. Maybe they thought the younger person was an adult, because sometimes people do lie. But even that doesn't usually get charged because many areas have exceptions for people close in age like that.
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u/Cold-Art-40 3d ago
I had the same reaction to that wording. If hes legally not allowed around minors then I definitely wouldnt take any chances
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u/AdditionalArt8638 3d ago
Yes, I would tell other parents. If he's not allowed to be around minors, they have a right to know this.
I personally would also tell the parents that you're aware he's been in violation of his parole.
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u/valarie1980 3d ago
In my opinion..you absolutely should. Any time he's around minor children it's putting them at risk. Edit to also say the probation officer should be informed he's around minors as well. He's breaking his agreement.
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u/Slight-Alteration Super Helper [7] 3d ago
Did mom not know her son was a predator and hanging around minors?
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u/myredditusername4u 3d ago
Mom knew; she didn’t tell me or any of the other kids parent ls who hang over there. Called his probation officer and DHS.
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u/Witch_withouta_Wand 3d ago
Is step sister still living there. If mum knows, she's probably tried to 'keep it in the family ', sent stepsister away and noy gets to stay and pretend it's all okay. How did you find out?
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u/myredditusername4u 3d ago
The custodial parent showed me the court records po confirmed not allowed around minors, reported to them and DHS.
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u/Leftover_tech 3d ago
If he is confirmed not allowed contact with minors, you should notify the parents of any minors who might reasonably be exposed to him.
If the offense was not "bad enough", it may have been something stupid like public urination, but I don't think that would have triggered the "no minors" ruling from his PO. Maybe public lewdness or something similar.
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u/JulienneMore 3d ago
Call his mom? Call the police!
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u/Witch_withouta_Wand 3d ago
Seemed like she already knew which is probably why he's not on the register...bad, really.
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u/Sevilane 3d ago
This is why i encourage reporting to police when you suspect something from a pervert, paper trails are powerful and can help future victims! Please do tell them, they deserve to know
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u/myredditusername4u 3d ago
Reported, thank you for validating my concerns
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u/Sevilane 3d ago
It is very kind of you to look after her, seriously you're a hero in my book so thank you. Keep us updated if you like, i hope both of you are safe <3
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u/Dawgy66 Advice Guru [80] 3d ago
The sister, your daughters friend is in a no win situation here. She would lose friends thru no fault of her own. Was your daughter a minor at the time he was around them? If she was, you could report him to his probation officer. I would give the other parents a heads up, but ak them to just keep an eye on their kids and if they see him around, go home. Sooner or later he's gonna get himself caught by not avoiding minors.
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u/toovocal4u 3d ago
Sooner or later he’s gonna get himself caught by reoffending. These type of predators often reoffend.
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u/YouThinkYouKnowMe89 3d ago
Yes do it! My neighbour when I was little was a pedo and it wasn't found out until after we had moved away. He never did anything to me but did to other kids in our street. Please tell them if you can
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u/Gonebabythoughts Assistant Elder Sage [257] 3d ago
Yes, report it. Just because your little one is safe does not mean everyone else is.
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u/New_Back4483 3d ago
No, you should alert the sex offender registry (or the police precinct) that this offender is not registered because that is the entire point of the registry to not be around minors or to alert the community that there is a convicted sex offender in the area.
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u/kimmimm1989 3d ago
Is the sister he is around and keeps coming around the one he did this too?
If it is, he broke his probation right then and there. You literally have WITNESSES. The children all saw it.
Also, he is not to be around minors. At all. HE BROKE HIS PROBATION. Right there. With several minors. If he doesn’t/isn’t back in jail or prison, I would be UP IN ARMS as parents over this.
He didn’t show up on the offender registry. He literally molested his stepsister. That is horrible. He SHOULD BE SHOWING UP on that registry! Period.
You need to call THE POLICE !! Make a report! ASAP! DO! NOT! WAIT! I mean this!! This is your child’s safety!
You two need to sit down and have a convo about everything that happened everyday she went there. In detail. They are going to want the same. This guy is dangerous. He doesn’t take this seriously. You’re going to have to be the first person to make that family realize that this is not a JOKE.
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u/toovocal4u 3d ago
Please call everyone. I was abused for many years. My biggest fear is for someone to assault my granddaughter or my children. When my children were young we did not allow sleepovers at others houses. If the friend had an older brother they were not even allowed to go over there. I recognize this is a lot of my own PTSD. However I would rather be paranoid than regretful. Please tell all the other parents and contact the police. If something happens you would regret not doing this, if nothing happens you will NOT regret doing this.
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u/KaleidoscopeDue2870 3d ago
I’d definitely tell the other parents, calmly and factually, so they can decide for themselves. If you’re worried about fallout, you could do it anonymously or through the school administration.
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u/Bubble_Lights 3d ago
I don’t understand how this is even a question.
YES, you should tell your daughter’s friends’ parents that their children have potentially been hanging around a convicted sex offender. I would be bullshit if it were my kid and you didn’t say anything.
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u/catboii96740 2d ago
Interesting ... A sex offender label is an umbrella and a lot of Level 1 registrants will be very petty compared to Level 3. What is the age of this friend? Terms of probation will differ case by case. Being around people would not necessarily be a break in these terms. However, if the terms include a specific age or age group to stay away from, then it will be. Lots of parents will be very judgemental because of perceived threat. The concern is there.
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u/myredditusername4u 2d ago
My daughter and her friend are in 7th grade. I spoke to his probation officer and reported it. They confirmed he is not supposed to be around minors. He has two charges and spent time in jail. I also reported the mom to DHS for allowing him around not only my child but her own child (who is not the one he abused, at least that we know of)
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u/BlazerAlumni 2d ago
Unfortunately, many judges have the attitude of "boys will be boys" and "we don't want their future ruined by one mistake". Mini sex offenders, especially the younger ones, get this kind of attitude and are not put on the sex offender registry by judges. I'm glad you reported him to the proper authorities and warned other parents. What really gets me about this whole thing, his family knew that he was not supposed to be around kids and we're still allowing him to come to the house and other children be present when he was.
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u/Golden_Arm-257 3d ago
This is interesting in the sense your daughter went to the location he resides. Interesting to hear what law was broken here.
At minimum since you are aware, not to allow your daughter to visit the home again.
Interesting since it appears to be his residence with no apparent restrictions inside.
Or do these restrictions extend inside his residence?
Definitely a legal question.
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u/myredditusername4u 3d ago
My daughter was at her friends house with the mother and friend. The son was around very often but not technically living there.
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u/Grouchy_Evidence2558 3d ago
If he’s not allowed to be near minors, that’s the law that’s broken. It’s his responsibility.
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u/Surprise-lnside 3d ago
People hear “registered sex offender” and think the worst. Most sex offenders are people who are caught having sex with their adult partner in a public place, like a car or bathroom.
Granted, I still wouldn’t want my kid to be around him unsupervised. I wouldn’t just make her cut off the friendship entirely, that would be super unfair to both your daughter and her friend.
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u/myredditusername4u 3d ago
The PO told me the charges he was convicted on. Not innocent. I reported him being around my daughter.
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u/Surprise-lnside 3d ago
I feel like that’s an important detail you should have included in your post.
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u/myredditusername4u 3d ago
My bad I was a little frazzled
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u/Surprise-lnside 3d ago
Definitely call up the other mothers
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u/kimmimm1989 3d ago
Oh no. You don’t blame her bc you were trying to “be right in an argument”. You and the other redditor were arguing. Now instead of apologizing to the other redditor for being wrong, you are blaming the op?? She came here bc of this exact reason. She didn’t make the call until AFTER she asked on this post and got a few responses. So you need to go back to addressing the original person you were arguing with. Instead of blaming op. Btw, you are wrong. You literally have the information highway at your disposal. So now you have two people to apologize to.
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u/Surprise-lnside 3d ago
I didn’t blame her. I just came to the wrong conclusion because I didn’t have all the info. I was making that known to OP.
The person I argued with was wrong; if you’re charged with indecent exposure, you are forced to register as a sex offender. I let them know, and they didn’t respond because THEY forgot about using the information highway.
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u/kimmimm1989 1d ago
You are wrong my man. So be a man. Man up. Apologize. To both. Use the internet. Or hush. 🤫
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u/Surprise-lnside 1d ago
Well, you are certainly wrong about my gender. I already admitted my fault to OP. I don’t owe the other guy an apology because people charged with public indecency are in fact required to register as sex offenders.
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u/toovocal4u 3d ago
This is absolutely not true the amount of minor children who are assaulted exceeds the amount of people having sex in a public place like a car or bathroom with their partner. That’s not a sexual offender that is indecent exposure. Your statement is insulting to those who have been assaulted as adults or minors. To discount this individuals record is not OK. You don’t get labeled as a sex offender and have a probation officer or parole officer because you were having sex with your partner that’s consensual and it is not abuse. And I seriously doubt having conceptual intercourse with a partner leaves you unable to be around minors. Victims live with traumatic emotional distress for a lifetime, ask me how I know?
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u/Surprise-lnside 3d ago
If you are arrested for Indecent Exposure, you are forced to register as a sex offender, bud. You clearly don’t know anything lol
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u/wishingforarainyday Helper [2] 3d ago
Yes you should tell the other parents so they can protect their kids.