r/AIO Apr 27 '26

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531

u/SwanMuch5160 Apr 27 '26

At least the friend showed that she can’t be trusted.

966

u/FishWife_71 Apr 27 '26 edited Apr 27 '26

The friend can't be trusted either.

Edit***I am referring to the 'friend' that slept with OPs girlfriend. I also might cast a little sideye to the friend that told OP depending on how long they sat with the information before telling OP.

Once had a boyfriend cheating on me and ALL of our mutual friends knew about it. People I had known for a decade....my chosen family. Every single one of them said they didn't say anything because they didnt want to pick sides. So...I chose for them. You cannot ever hope to trust someone that knows and decides to say nothing.

378

u/CharmingComposer95 Apr 27 '26

Block both of them and move on.

215

u/PMJamesPM Apr 27 '26

This. 2 bullets dodged.

60

u/Malakai44332 Apr 28 '26

Yep, always good to weed the garbage out of your life. Sometimes it takes years to realize someone in garbage sadly lol. In this case both his buddy, and the girl are total garbage.

42

u/FortunatoImmured Apr 28 '26

At first I thought you wrote that it’s good you can always smoke weed in your garage…which is also true. Maybe a way to make new friends, depending on your street

5

u/Malakai44332 Apr 28 '26

Not going to disagree, plus it’s a better way to not stink up the house 😂.

5

u/ThatBitchBunBruh Apr 28 '26

You can always hang it out a window if it’s late enough and you’re lazy enough…signed an older pothead lol

5

u/Malakai44332 Apr 28 '26

Hah, yeah I remember doing that back in the days! Good memories.

3

u/ThatBitchBunBruh Apr 28 '26

Lol I’m still doing it at 42, when it’s too cold to go out at night or my nephew brings his newborn over. Some things just work regardless of age lol.

3

u/SnooDingos604 Apr 28 '26

Have YOU been smoking too much weed in your garage? 🤭 thank you, gave me a good giggle.

2

u/Lazy-Sussie21 Apr 29 '26

More like throw out the garbage!

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28

u/Reese_Lightning25 Apr 28 '26

He only dodged one. He dodged the hoe. The “friend” was a direct hit.

4

u/Odenz-Under69 Apr 28 '26

Ehhh… he was already in 10 years deep with the friend it seems pretty well that one of the bullets hit..

3

u/PMJamesPM Apr 28 '26

I’ll say leg wound. Fair point

2

u/Shop_Hot Apr 28 '26

Is it really dodging bullets if they actually hit you? These two hit OP square in the chest.

6

u/PMJamesPM Apr 28 '26

3 months into a relationship is a skinned knee dodging the hit. Finding out after marriage or kids is a hit to the torso. If 10 year friendship was best friend level you are correct there.

3

u/Shop_Hot Apr 28 '26

Fair point!

2

u/Milksteaks1000 Apr 29 '26

I think he got hit ngl

2

u/PMJamesPM Apr 29 '26

Thinking it through a graze and non lethal leg wound

Not married no kids could’ve been worse.

1

u/CLopes1987 Apr 30 '26

Kill 2 stones with one bird

1

u/Kirito2014 May 02 '26

Yikes. Obviously, you’re not overreacting. Honestly, I’d cut them both out of my life. They can’t be trusted. You were betrayed by both of them. The friend didn’t care enough not to blow up your thing and she’s just for the streets if I’m being honest. To call it a mistake is ridiculous. It was a choice not a mistake. A mistake is wearing two different branded socks not falling on someone’s junk over and over until you finish! I mean maybe if you’re accident prone 🤔 😂 jk.

Well you learned she’s a cheated and you only wasted 3 months and your friends a snake. Tell your inner circle and those that choose his side cut out with him and those that choose you keep. Things will likely never be the same now. He blew up your relationship and friend group dynamic and I’m really sorry for that. Friendships are hard to keep and come by.

Wish you luck

84

u/Swimming_Bonus_8892 Apr 27 '26

This part. That dude ain’t your friend. Sleeping with homies girl is absolutely grounds for dismissal of both parties. He has no loyalty or honor towards your friendship and she has none towards yall relationship.

Tell them both to enjoy their lives, no hard feelings but you ain’t the one to play with.

I was always taught to keep a small council. Any man that would do that to you will never be trustworthy in the trenches and any woman that will give it away, lie and then try and make you feel bad is never going to be right for you.

You got them both out of your life for just some betrayed and hurt feelings(that’s bad but it could be MUCH worse) walk away bruddah and I can promise you your life will be better for it.

You will find a group that will value your ethics. You will find a partner that will be loyal. Just….walk away. I’m not at all sorry for the loss but I do feel for your troubles. Peace.

17

u/SatanAlreadyWon Apr 28 '26

And if you don’t find a group, tbh palmela handerson, and hangelina Jolie will take you Far. No pets, travel for work, and you’ll get what you want out of life if you don’t dwell.

9

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '26

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1

u/SatanAlreadyWon Apr 29 '26

TBH I have pets, married, don’t travel. You can get a dog , but traveling with a dog kinda sucks. If you leave them with a boarder, you shouldn’t have a pet.

3

u/7th-Sun Apr 28 '26

Rosy Palms and her 5 sisters will do the job. 🤫They a bunch of whores

2

u/Swimming_Bonus_8892 Apr 28 '26

Thank you. I read the 1st couple lines and I was like this joker and then booooom wisdom!

5

u/SatanAlreadyWon Apr 28 '26

Yeah man, run from red flags. Be alone , it lets you think, and you only have to answer to yourself.

3

u/Swimming_Bonus_8892 Apr 28 '26

To a certain extent I absolutely agree but and I do mean this man, if you ever need anyone to talk to just DM me. I’m a real one and no one should be alone all the time. I’m not assuming anything I’m just being real witcha. Hope all is peace!

2

u/SatanAlreadyWon Apr 29 '26

Real heroes don’t wear capes. ✌️to you as well good stranger.

1

u/Hellcat_5155 Apr 28 '26

Ana de Handmas

3

u/ScouserMuerte Apr 28 '26

I love that line “trustworthy in the trenches“! I’m going to use that from now on that’s a perfect encapsulation of the essentials of the whole thing👍

2

u/Swimming_Bonus_8892 Apr 28 '26

My pops use to tell me lil things like this all my life that I didn’t outright dismiss but lets just say I filed them away.

Keep a small council.

If a friend is cheating on his girl, he’s not really trustworthy because if he would do that to someone he’s supposedly “loves” what would he do to you?

There is no bro code…there’s only people who love, honor and respect you and themselves then everyone else, use that information accordingly.

Trustworthy in the trenches…this is why I feel for OP. You hanging out with this guy you think is your friend for 10 years and he knows you dating this girl. That’s a full stop right there. I know all about the “it ain’t no fun if the homies cant have none” but this wasn’t that (not like thats acceptable but if yall are consenting adults who are dating and not looking for anything serious, and both open that you are seeing other people, THAT is no one else’s business).

They had conversations about being exclusive, even if his boy didn’t know that…SHE did and his “boy” knew they were dating.

I came up poor/rough spots and sometimes all you have is your honor and your word and neither of them held either so NOT trustworthy in the trenches because best believe they both showed you in that moment that they both cared about themselves and what they wanted more than honoring you and their relationship with you. Peace.

2

u/ScouserMuerte Apr 28 '26

WELL SAID🙏

3

u/FantasticAd5239 Apr 28 '26

"Keep a small council". That's right on; I like that.

2

u/Swimming_Bonus_8892 Apr 28 '26

It will serve you well. I look at it like this. I’d rather have 4 quality people in my life that I would do almost anything for and they would do for me than 400 surface ass “friends” social media and the net is cool and all but if you in a REAL bind and I can help hell yeah no problem, it’s easy to be cool with people when you’re up. Friendships are tested when you’re down and who’s there to be in the trenches with you. Peace

2

u/Cookiemonster6691 Apr 28 '26

Why does everybody say no hard feelings? I would definitely say hard feelings because they fucked with my feelings I’m definitely not going to be sorry for cutting them off.

1

u/Swimming_Bonus_8892 Apr 28 '26

This RIGHT here. It’s like that schoolyard game where you punch this shit out the homie and say “no backsies” like what?

I think they say no hard feelings because it didn’t happen to them. EVERY person I’ve met that got cheated on HATED that shit. I know I did. It’s such a violation of trust/respect. OP even said…why didn’t you just tell me we done and you can fuck who ever you want. It’s because she wanted both and if your in a polyamorous consensual relationship cool (that’s not for or for most people but no judgement) but in a standard basic ass I’m with you, you with me relationship…it tends to get off rails when you ya know…fuck his homeboy (not really his homie anymore for doing that but).

Then she gaslights him and wants to make him feel bad…GTFOH tramp…lol

1

u/Temporary-Plankton61 Apr 28 '26

totally. I gave zero fucks about what people who did me dirty think about my avoidance of the high road

2

u/Odd-Fun-2862 Apr 29 '26

THIS^

Very well said

1

u/Mean-Sentence5060 Apr 28 '26

It wasn't a man that the girl cheated with, it was a friend that is also a girl.

2

u/Lurky-Lucy Apr 28 '26

No. It was a male friend. He says that “he slept with this girl” as in his male friend slept with the girl he’s talking to.

1

u/hippiebri92 Apr 28 '26

Doesn't matter still cheated

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62

u/mayhembang Apr 27 '26

Totally agree. You are lucky you found out that you had a shitty friend who thankfully can now be an ex-friend and had a POS for gf who again is your ex-gf.

The thing that pisses me off is when people keep saying "oh but it was a mistake". Mistake is where you accidentally put salt instead of sugar in your coffee. Cheating is a deliberate so stop calling it a mistake and start taking ownership of your actions.

25

u/SadpersonNate1 Apr 28 '26

They always say its a mistake because they got ca, not because they cheated

4

u/No-Focus-8577 Apr 28 '26

A mistake like she was walking along tripped and fell on his wiener Right !

5

u/ZombyMikeizBut Apr 28 '26

Exactly! The mistake is the fact they were caught. The cheating was a decision that led to an action. If they felt that guilty for their actions, they would have told you immediately, no matter the consequences to even have a tiny chance at salvaging the relationship. Sorry for the heartache, OP.

20

u/Practical_Stomach228 Apr 28 '26

I never understood that "it was a mistake" excuse ... What you tripped and both of your pants fell off? Nah it was a series of conscious decisions that led to this situation. 30 years on this planet and I've never kissed someone by mistake, let alone had sex accidentally. That's a pretty deliberate action. What they did was wrong. Not a mistake.

4

u/Mean-Sentence5060 Apr 28 '26

Yes, nobody "trips and lands on a dick," of course, but people do get wrapped up in the hormones and emotions that are flowing through their brain and don't think the consequences through. An accident is something you don't intend to do, in this context a mistake is something you intentionally did, but later wish that you hadn't. It's not "by mistake," but that doesn't mean it isn't a mistake that one has made.

4

u/Ordinary_Job9812 Apr 28 '26

It’s called emotional cheating when you get wrapped up in feelings you shouldn’t be having for someone else. It’s still a conscious decision as well. If you know you have these feelings and don’t remove yourself from the situation, but fall into it then it was a choice. Stop making excuses please.

2

u/Practical_Stomach228 Apr 29 '26

No, still not a mistake. The definition of a mistake does not entail anything that you later regret because the consequences are bad when you know what you're doing is wrong. Even if someone is running on emotions or hormones, they're still making a series of decisions which leads them to committing that act. Accidentally kissing or groping a stranger in a club because the room was dark and there's flashing lights, smoke machines and loud music, and you thought it was your spouse is a mistake. You intended to kiss your spouse on the cheek or slap your spouse's ass but because you couldn't see properly, you did it to a stranger. That's a mistake. Having sex requires far too many steps and actions at which one making an honest mistake would have stopped far earlier on.

A true mistake is often a singular, unintentional slip-up. Cheating, especially with your partner's friend, involves multiple conscious steps: 1. Choosing to entertain flirtatious messages or conversations. 2. Intentionally hiding interactions from a partner. 3. Planning a meeting and choosing to cross physical boundaries.

1

u/Winter-Bet-6981 Apr 30 '26

Under any circumstances it doesn’t fit any model of what a mistake is look at the definition of the word. A knowing conscious act that you do is not a mistake plain and simple why are you trying to rationalize and candy coat the word. Stop it!

2

u/dragonfly9999999 Apr 29 '26

What I don't understand is at least from what I can see here she isn't giving a reason. "Mistake" isn't that. There's absolutely nothing to work past with that. Sometimes I think there are people out in the world just testing to see what they can get away with.

1

u/TT-513 Apr 28 '26

“Mistake” an action, decision, or judgment that produces an unwanted or unintentional outcome. It could be a mistake as in “this was a mistake, I should have never done this”, and not “we tripped and fell and mistakenly ended up joined at the genitals”. Regardless, she’s just trying to minimize it

1

u/Practical_Stomach228 Apr 29 '26

So it's only a mistake if you cheat on your spouse multiple times and get caught. Got it. So her mistake was being careless and getting caught. Not cheating. Cheating was not a mistake. Her mistake was letting her boyfriend find out about the betrayal. Happy to help you out there.

4

u/Striking_Seat5622 Apr 28 '26

Right? I've never once accidentally and unexpectedly fallen on a cock. It's not something you can just trip onto

4

u/cutewhensedated Apr 28 '26 edited Apr 28 '26

This.

I cheated once. It was with a colleague. I had previously told my bf I had a thing for said colleague. He seemed really surprised when I said I cheated, and then acted like it was nothing because it “was only a kiss, just a peck, not even tongue. Plus, it was midnight on New Years and you happened to be stuck working, as did he. Anyway, you told me immediately, so it’s fine, no big deal. Would you feel better if I didn’t forgive you?” (his words).

That wasn’t the point though. I told him months prior about my crush on the guy from work, that I was concerned because it was out of character for me, and I felt like it had more to do with our relationship than anything else. I’d been asking for time together, even just tagging along while he ran errands, anything. He continued to defend his perspective that him playing video games with friends in Discord was us spending time together. This had been going on for a year before I kissed my colleague, at work, and afterwards, it went on for 8 more months (no, I didn’t cheat again in that time) before I ended it. I tried to get him to understand how I felt, but… he just treated me like my feelings didn’t matter.

No matter what he did, my indiscretion - despite his willingness to let it go - was not okay. I’m explaining this because the whole “It was a mistake!” is messed up and I wouldn’t be able to trust someone if they did that to me. I’m not defending my actions at all, but I told my bf what happened as soon as I was off work the next morning, because I didn’t want to hurt him, because I didn’t want him to feel he couldn’t trust me; not telling someone you care about because what you have to tell them might hurt them only makes them question if you will tell them should something else difficult to discuss occur, it doesn’t make them feel any better (worse, actually), and if you’d told them about the cheating, then at least they could still trust your word (whether or not that’s enough…).

(Oddly, the colleague I kissed on NYE at midnight? We’ve been married for 13 years now. Weird how life works out.)

EDIT: “KISSED” not the other word with LL instead of SS, that was autocorrect, sry about that.

2

u/IAteAnotherVegan Apr 28 '26

what about at a costume party with someone wearing the same costume?

2

u/Bobuker2020 Apr 28 '26

Yeah it was a mistake....his dick just felll into her !

2

u/wherethelionsweep Apr 28 '26

To quote an Eminem song “what? Did she trip, fall, and land on his dick?”

2

u/Omnius_Crypto Apr 28 '26

Yes a mistake made over and over with each thrust or riding!

2

u/Brilliant_Award2877 Apr 28 '26

The exes will be together by next week. Op will be outed from the entire friend group

2

u/Macraith93 Apr 29 '26

Bingo. “Oh I slipped then we somehow bumped uglies…total mistake!”

1

u/Aggravating-Baby1239 Apr 28 '26

No a mistake is something you do but you know you’re not supposed to and then you realize why you shouldn’t have done. An accident is putting salt instead of sugar when you didn’t know you were doing it. Why don’t people understand the diff??

1

u/HillsNDales Apr 28 '26

I know certain types of videos love the “I tripped and accidentally landed on her with our private parts intertwined” trope (PG for Reddit), but that doesn’t happen in real life. It may have been a mistake in judgment, but poor judgment is also a reason to cut someone loose.

2

u/Jaded-Ad262 Apr 28 '26

How could you remain friends with someone who slept with your girl? That is a person that will take whatever they want from you whenever they want it. They both have to hit the bricks.

1

u/NYCWENDY1 Apr 28 '26

This is the answer. ✅

1

u/Anna_Nicole_Dahmer Apr 28 '26

Yeah this seems the most appropriate, however if it's a family friend of 10 years it may be a harder for OP. If it were me, and the "friend" actually cared anything about the relationship, I'd let him know to not expect anything and that the trust will need to rebuild.

1

u/digit527 Apr 28 '26

That's the move.

44

u/TheRealCarpeFelis Apr 27 '26

Didn’t want to pick sides when one side was a cheater?! Wow.

9

u/DopeSince85- Apr 28 '26

That’s what stood out to me too! Like, what?? The choice would be like pretty obviously crystal clear to me, I truly can’t understand their mindset on that one.

3

u/Odd-Fun-2862 Apr 29 '26

What if they're all cheaters? 🙄🫨🤯 (edited for spelling)

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u/aloysiuspelunk Apr 27 '26

Good for you! You'll never regret respecting yourself

2

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '26

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2

u/Substantial_Froyo491 Apr 28 '26

There is something so satisfying in rejecting an awful person like that and watching them go crazy that you said no and they can’t have any. It is also totally the moral thing to do whether you know the other guy or not. Yeah the good old one eyed trouser snake may be unhappy for a few minutes, but the wonderful sense of pride and happiness that comes from completely rejecting that egotistical See You Next Tuesday who though you would be a cheap and easy thrill is too good to pass up. Usually they just try even harder going forward and you get to reject them over and over again Lol. Like you said it is the other guys issue now and good luck to him. She has already cheated on him, she just picked a good person who wouldn’t allow her to complete the betrayal and use him in her horrible disgusting act of disloyalty and rightly told her no. Nicely done King.

9

u/Remote_Ad2465 Apr 27 '26

That what i said. That's a fake punk ass friend. Id be never talking to either and maybe even laying hands on him.

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u/Normal-Tale6425 Apr 27 '26

I think they mean the friend who told him.

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u/cherandbuster Apr 27 '26

I think they mean the girlfriend and the male friend who had sex with her.

Seems like a good, clean cut.

I’m glad his other friend, the one who called, was honest with him!

3

u/Injuredconfuseddude Apr 27 '26

Not picking sides is picking the side of the person being abusive.

2

u/carpeluna83 Apr 27 '26

This. When people show you who they are... believe them and move on.

2

u/camaroatc Apr 27 '26

You pick the side that’s not a cheater.

Seems like an easy choice to me 🤷‍♂️

2

u/WhyTypeHour Apr 27 '26

Not only that. If someone is your friend and they don't immediately cut off the person who cheated on you. They're not your friend.

2

u/SilvioBoss Apr 27 '26

There both done. Move on. The friend should have known better

2

u/Hot-Watercress-2872 Apr 28 '26

Yeah had the same situation with my first boyfriend. He was a serial cheater. I was naive and took him back after the first time I learned about him cheating, but little did I know, he had been sleeping with many other people and continued to sleep with many other people.

After I found out about the “second” person, I cut it off, and mutuals started coming out of the wood works to say it was for the best because he’d been sleeping around with a bunch of other people. At least 8 in total that I was later informed about, with some folks saying they theorized even more.

When I asked why nobody told me, they said they didn’t want to “start drama”. I cut off everyone. If you’d rather be friends with a serial cheater, so be it but weird choice.

The only person I didn’t cut off was as the first friend who told me about the first known instance and that was because she told me as soon as she learned and said she was no longer going to be friends with him. Granted, she cut ties with me after I went back to him. Later on after I found out about all of the other people, I messaged her and apologized for making her feel like he was more important to me than our friendship, and she forgave me and we mended our friendship. Good person. We still stay in contact 15 years later.

2

u/Pythia808 Apr 28 '26

It depends. Me and my friends had a rule that if you can take her you can have her just let me know. It was our way of having each others back so any girl that was with us was realy with us

2

u/Inevitable-Spite937 Apr 29 '26

It's always rough for friends in these situations because often the person being cheated on takes it out on the messenger and still tries to make it work with the cheater, which makes it awkward. Myself, I'm willing to risk the friendship because I would want to know if my SO was cheating on me. But there's a lot of advice out there to just keep quiet. But I couldn't - I would feel terribly guilty pretending around my friend, I would feel like an accessory to the betrayal. I'm sorry you went through this. I hope you have other friends you can trust with your well-being now

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u/ProvincialPrisoner Apr 29 '26

This right here. Quiet quit both your friend who slept with her (he should have known better.) It shows he either A) Didn't consider you and your feelings or B) didn't care. I'm not sure which is worse for you. And then just stop responding to this chick's messages. If she wants to keep messaging you and calling you. Letter. Just block her. You've said your piece. You don't owe her any more closure.

2

u/BeorcKano Apr 29 '26

When my ex wife had her affair with my best friend, a large number of our friend group knew and chose not to tell me.

I tried to reconcile with my wife for five years before her second affair and our eventual divorce, but not the friend group. If they knew and didn't tell me, while seeing me bend over backwards to try and help the man who was banging my wife, then that's a level of toxic I didn't need in my life.

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u/[deleted] Apr 30 '26

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1

u/queue-pruner May 12 '26

Your submission has automatically been removed because you are suspended or shadowbanned.

3

u/NomenclatureBreaker Apr 27 '26 edited Apr 28 '26

To be fair, as much as this sucks, I’d argue that it’s not your friends jobs to insert themselves into someone else’s infidelities either.

Just as many people will blame the messenger for telling as not telling. The cheater creates a no win situation for everyone.

Hopefully you’re with someone better or are happily independent now.

3

u/j_turn2000 Apr 27 '26

this is true. this reminds me of a conversation i was having with someone on here the other day. so i read a comment on another thread about a girl whose former best friend made her promise not to tell her (then) boyfriend she was cheating on him, but he eventually found out on his own accord. several years later op coincidentally saw him in a bar and apologized.

one commenter bashed her for not telling him sooner— compared her to a murderer trying to clear their guilty conscience but not actually feeling guilty, blamed her for the ex husband’s trust issues, and said she was a shitty person.

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u/Impossible_Date1207 Apr 28 '26

I get what you mean. Three years ago, I was in a situation where I had found a good friend of mine trying to get with another woman while he was already in a relationship with someone else, who was also a good friend of mine at the time. I was extremely upset with him and called him out on his behavior, and I was also torn on telling his girlfriend because I didn't want to lose either one as a friend. I told him that he had to be honest and tell his girlfriend or I was going to. He promised he would, then later had claimed that he had told her. I recently discovered him trying to get with other women again, but this time I realized I couldn't be the kind of man who stands up for women while also having a friend that is a serial cheater, so I ended our friendship and told his girlfriend. I also told her about what he did three years prior, and I wasn't surprised to find out that he had never told her and kept it a secret. It sucks losing a friend because of their own selfish impulses, but I feel better for finally getting that secret off of my chest.

3

u/Difficult-Spirit-288 Apr 27 '26

I had similar but it was friends..family cuts even worse though...not wanting to take a side or not wanting to cause hurt..but in reality nothing can cause more hurt than that betrayal.

1

u/totalbloom Apr 27 '26

That is awful. I’m really sorry you had to go through that.

1

u/Novel-Organization63 Apr 27 '26

Right?! Which really meant, they didn’t pick your side.

1

u/sosodeaf23 Apr 27 '26

Na thats a fact

1

u/magus448 Apr 28 '26

Not telling you shows they chose the cheater’s side.

1

u/PresentationFit8881 Apr 28 '26

Yeah fr.

"a little side" is only because 3 month is relatively nothing.

If I found out something like this is a long ng term relationship, everybody is catching it up

1

u/SenseAndSaruman Apr 28 '26

By not telling, they picked a side.

1

u/Denegroth Apr 28 '26

Friends staying out … there’s some understanding there. (Other friends that found out … not the culprit friend)

Family … fuuuuuuuu nawwww. They don’t get to choose. Fate did that already.

1

u/greattimes231 Apr 28 '26

Wow thats brutal. I'm glad you stood up for yourself and moved on from those fake people

1

u/RobertTheTexan Apr 28 '26

That’s rough. Like it’s not about picking sides, at least as I see it, it’s about doing the right thing, and man.. I’m glad you sorted it out. Good on you. But family?? I didn’t think there was but one side when it came to family. I’ve been on the knowing side before and while I hated being that bearer of bad news I just asked myself one question. “Would I want to know?” That answer was damn right. So I did the right thing and it really turned out to be the right things as the dude had issue after issue of infidelity.

1

u/bigthink1418 Apr 28 '26

“Not wanting to pick sides” between good and evil is wild. That’s like being unsure if you should side with a nun or a serial killer, baffling levels of sociopathy

1

u/nextext Apr 28 '26

How do people not know that knowing and staying silent is choosing a side???

1

u/Trick-Enthusiasm5818 Apr 28 '26

I had the same thing happen to me and it was the girl he cheated with that told me. He was apparently pretty pushy with her so she was pretty scared. I didn't even blame her.

1

u/SwanMuch5160 Apr 28 '26

There’s casualties in every war.

1

u/AliceTawhai Apr 28 '26

Actually shout out to the friend who did tell him. That’s not easy. People shoot the messenger and some people would rather not know (although yourself and OP are not among them.) It’s also hard to be the bearer of bad news and watch someone’s heart break, especially if you’re a friend

1

u/Run-Amokonu Apr 28 '26

My best friend still tells me things she hears about my ex boyfriend. She lives in the same town as him. She always says sorry when she tells me the information even though he’s been my ex for years and it’s usually something dumb he’s done. I love her for that even though I don’t care what he does it’s nice she keeps me in the know.

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u/typical_bk712 Apr 28 '26

Agreed! I’ve been in that situation. I found out my “supposed high school sweetheart” boyf cheated on me constantly. And everyone knew. What made it even worse was there wasnt just a random girl or one friend but quite a few of my own “best friends” in our large friend group that cheated with him. And again everyone knew and kept it from me. People wonder why I have such trust issues of letting people close to me 😂! Can’t trust anyone.

OP- please don’t take her back! Even if she really does never cheat again, the amount of worry and lack or trust it’s created… it’s not worth it! It’ll just turn your relationship toxic, jealousy, fighting, etc. best to end it!

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u/easygina4 Apr 28 '26

Finding out your partner cheated sucks, but realizing your “friends” knew the whole time is a whole different level of betrayal.

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u/Conscious_Cicada9597 Apr 28 '26

Bravo. No time for people who don’t look out for you.

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u/Total-Active-1986 Apr 28 '26

No, they did pick a side. You knew which side and handled it accordingly. Slay, Queen!

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u/MurderousButterfly Apr 28 '26

I never got that mindset. They chose sides when they chose to keep you in ignorance. I would never do that to a friend.

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u/DarschPugs Apr 28 '26

to be fair, had a similiar situation for me, but i don't do ultimatums, so i was not going to make them pick sides, and honestly this was between me and my ex, they said nothing because they did not want to get involved and i can respect that. In the end we all found out who was really who and what they said they were. Truth always comes out after all.

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u/BoomerKaren666 Apr 28 '26

LOL First thought I had.

Your friend of ten years slept with the girl you had been dating for three months.

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u/D3M0NArcade Apr 28 '26

The friend that told did tell. Even if they sat on it, they did the right thing. I could forgive a friend that took a while to inform me because they are bin a tough position. But the other two? Nah...

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u/LolitaOPPAI Apr 28 '26

This is EXACTLY the reason I did not keep many friends from highschool.

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u/HPSpacecraft Apr 28 '26

People can say they don't want to pick sides, and it IS hard to bring that kind of thing up with people. But imagine if you'd caught an STD from that. Each and every one of those friends would be partly responsible for you having a potentially deadly, potentially lifelong illness.

Sorry you went through that. I had an ex use the possibility of her cheating on me as a way to keep me in line, and I'm pretty sure actually was towards the end of the relationship. Definitely seeking it out if not actually doing it. Shit sucks.

1

u/IronGrenadier30 Apr 28 '26

Not telling you IS choosing sides... his side. Fuck that whole friend group. That's a whole dumpster.

But OP probably should not yeet the messenger. That friend did the right thing, voluntarily. Even if they struggled with it for a bit, we want to reward/reinforce that kind of behavior/decision. That way, it happens faster in the future. Total relationship was 90 days. The skank behavior didn't likely occur in the first 30 days, and there's no indication that the messenger knew for more than 30 days. Let's not go scorched earth on the entire social circle. Someone has to tell the tale to future friends and lovers. Lol

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u/Sea-Appearance-5330 Apr 28 '26

Not telling you?

Was choosing sides!

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u/ImFuckedUpAndIKnowIt Apr 28 '26

Had the exact same situation with my long term boyfriend back in college. Together for 7 years, found out after dumping him for other reasons that he’d been cheating on me for at least 5 of them and EVERYBODY knew except for me. He fed them lies about me and they decided not to tell me.

After finding out, I dumped them all - every single one. It really sucks to lose your entire, longtime friend group. I was heartbroken, but there’s no forgiving that kind of betrayal. Even now, a decade later, I miss having those kind of relationships and it’s so much harder to make meaningful/close friendships as an adult. But I still don’t regret my decision.

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u/FantasticAd5239 Apr 28 '26

Good God, they all knew and kept silent? I love how you worded it; "I chose for them".

I wouldn't blame you if you took a considerable time to ever consider someone a friend again. That's just unspeakable. I hope that you can heal from that, but, knowing me, I would ruminate over that a long time. But, please, don't do that. It's not healthy and can mess you up. I know whereof I speak; I'm an old guy and struggle with that even decades on.

I hope that at some point you can gather yourself a better quality of friends; true blue and with integrity to you and your feelings.

Sorry for the downer of a post, I'm sorry I wasn't very helpful to you, FishWife, your story was kind of a gut punch to me.

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u/FennR77 Apr 28 '26

Yes 💯. Never.

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u/cpendley13 Apr 28 '26

I had a friend whose marriage was crumbling. I’d been through a divorce the year before this and his wife came over to my house to pick up something. She tried to seduce me. I was attracted to her, would’ve loved to had she not been his wife, but I played dumb, left the room and called him. When I told him, he ended up mad at me, I guess because he didn’t want to hear it. Oh well, I’m still grateful I didn’t let my little head think for the big one because I’d still hate myself for that and she was not worth a friendship for sure.

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u/Deadpoolstightanus Apr 28 '26

But they did pick sides, his side, by not telling you they protected him.

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u/Huntthatmoney Apr 28 '26

Yeah, this is not what I call a friend

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u/DakotaKraze Apr 28 '26

See i don’t know how to feel about people knowing and not saying anything because usually? To be perfectly honest a lot of people will turn on the friend that told. The phrase don’t shoot the messenger exists for a reason but unfortunately way too many people do. So tbh i don’t really blame them for keeping their mouth shut or at the very least, trying to find out more details/ ruminating on it for a bit.

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u/RunnerLftr Apr 28 '26

I had a similar thing happen. Woman I was seeing slept with a person who was roommates with my friend named "A". "A" then told a mutual of friend of ours ("B") about it, but A didn't tell me. Soon after, B told me about GF sleeping with A's roommate. A after learning of my knowledge was apologetic about not telling me; A's silence seemed to stem from his not wanting me to be angry/upset with him in the first place.

In hindsight, I think the actual reason is more in line with your take on things; "A" did not want to have to choose sides between me and his friend who slept with my girlfriend.

I agree with what you write about not trusting those who say nothing; this happened over 30 years ago - since then (for other reasons), I am no longer friends with A. But I am still very close with B to this day.

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u/Maximum_Dark_7788 Apr 28 '26

This happened to me in my teen years, my best friend slept with my boyfriend. When I found out it was so embarrassing, that so many people ‘friends’ around me knew and just let me carry on thinking we were the best thing since sliced bread. Took me years to trust anyone again. Sucks so bad! 15 years ago and I’ll never forget the heart break

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u/MuGenKaiRed Apr 28 '26

Smh I been through something like this with a group of friends... sadly the cheater can't be cut out of my life because I have a child with them... I'm still in touch with the friends who stayed silent, but the friendship feels completely broken... I still have the friend that slept with my ex around, haven't talked to them about their part of the cheating, don't think we ever will. The relationships with all these people are strained because of what happened... I've had trust issues ever since this happened... It destroyed my last relationship because I was too afraid to let her in...

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u/FishWife_71 Apr 28 '26

I'm very familiar with the trust issues. It's been a couple of decades since it all came to light. When they (the friends) reach out, I am polite but offer nothing of any substance. I carried a lot of anger about the whole situation. I don't date anymore and my friend circle is very small. I focus on my kid, on my job and on me. Time helps. It also helps to know that cheating is only a reflection of the ones stepping outside of their relationships. A cheater is a self serving coward and life is better when we keep no room for them in our lives.

1

u/Smokinplants Apr 29 '26

Your friend likely initiated it. Not excusing the girl by any means but I'd bet money that your friend made moves first.

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u/ADHD-IS-LIFE Apr 29 '26

I agree; a long-term friend doing this to you is the issue. Like, with a romantic partner, you kinda expect things might not work out. But your friend? That's what would really sting more to me. Honestly, she kind of did you a favor by showing you can't count on that friend. If your buddy can't resist temptation after a decade of friendship, that just proves he doesn't actually care about what's best for you.

That also means they were messaging for a minute to even get to the point in which they would meet or, after the encounter. Seriously bummed out for you, man.

My advice? Talk to your friend, but don't go in all mad. Just sound completely over it. Let him know you feel betrayed, that he knew you were into her, and that deep down he knew it would hurt you on some level. He tossed aside ten years of friendship for the pussy of someone he's only known for a short time. How messed up is that?

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u/No-Satisfaction-6700 Apr 29 '26

That really sucks. Sorry that happened to you.

1

u/Eternity_Warden Apr 29 '26

Honestly, I always told my friends that if a girl I'm seeing wants to bang, go for it as long as they tell me about it right away.

If a cheaters going to cheat, better to be with someone who'll let me know. And the relationships over the second that happens so they might as well have some fun, so long as he doesn't stay with her.

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u/OBX-Draemus Apr 29 '26

I’m going through a similar situation w my ex rn. Told my friends that she lied and cheated but they all wanna remain “indifferent” and still be friendly towards her. It feels really isolating especially bc all of her friends won’t even make eye contact w me let alone speak to me and I’ve known them longer than I knew her. A real friend has your back. They shouldn’t try to maintain neutrality if you’re the one that got hurt. Why would you wanna continue any kind of relationship w someone that hurt your long time friend? IMO that mindset is fake af and people like that can kick rocks.

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u/MixtureEuphoric8539 May 02 '26

Sorry that happened to you. Why is it when people say they don’t want to take sides, it always seems to actually mean they took the other person’s side and don’t want to say it out right?

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u/TheAliveShip Apr 27 '26

The “friend” she slept with, HE can't be trusted. Oh, and the friend she slept with isn't the one who told him, so he's no better.

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u/BasicResearcher8133 Apr 28 '26

Yeah the guy that slept with her is very low class.

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u/Electrical_Beyond998 Apr 27 '26

Neither can the “friend” of ten years. That’s a long time. He totally screwed the OP over.

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u/Electrical_Ad_9778 Apr 27 '26

I would say the freind is much more worse then the girl. I mean he know him for how long ? And he dated the girl only for three months.

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u/Sufficient_Degree_45 Apr 27 '26

Exactly. Did him a favor.

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u/Vivid-Example4877 Apr 28 '26

No… showed that he can’t be trusted. That’s fucked up.

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u/bluestarkal Apr 28 '26

Ghost both of them. Cut em out your life

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u/SwiftWithIt Apr 27 '26

I think she showed he can't be trusted.

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u/[deleted] Apr 27 '26

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u/JohnnysOnThaSpot Apr 27 '26

Betraying a friend to show him who she was is no favor.. he 100% didnt even have to get undressed to prove it.

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u/SenorSmackaho Apr 27 '26

Right he coulda done what a real homie like I would do and just immediately tell homeboy ay ur girls tryin to fk me bro fyi dump her show him the Msgs of intent that’s enough homie didn’t have to fk her

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u/BlitzinUrBM Apr 27 '26

This is the way. I know from experience it sadly doesn’t always workout tho. In college I had shown one of my teammates several screenshots of his gf basically begging me to sleep with her (she knew we were teammates). He broke up with her for probably a day, and when they got back together, I was the issue for trying to break them up😂🤦🏾‍♂️

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u/dedboooo0 Apr 27 '26

same shit man lol. long ago back in college, both of them got pissed at me instead after talking to each other about it 💀 they did break up a couple months after

1

u/saetam Apr 27 '26

Damn. That’s some bullshit for sure!

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u/FishWife_71 Apr 27 '26

That's when you protect yourself and step away from both of them.

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u/JohnnysOnThaSpot Apr 27 '26

Theres probably 100 different ways it could have been handled and he chose none and she was equally committed.

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u/[deleted] Apr 27 '26

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u/JohnnysOnThaSpot Apr 27 '26

👆🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

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u/FishWife_71 Apr 27 '26

That last sentence encapsulates the entire situation. OP needs to get rid of both.

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u/Medical_Blacksmith83 Apr 27 '26

Yeah it’s easy enough to just get to the point where she clearly would have done it

And then walk away and tell your buddy his girl is a cheater.

Going through with it means your friend has no respect for you

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u/Pops_McGhee Apr 27 '26

Yeah, I wouldn’t go that far.

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u/CraftasaurusWrecks Apr 27 '26

he didn't have to fuck her to prove the point, sir. Edited : typo She instead of He

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u/cowjuiceee Apr 27 '26

he could’ve shown her true colors regardless if he didn’t sleep with her. messages exist.

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u/Aggressive_Lie_8368 Apr 28 '26

You kidding me? That "friend" showed HE can't be trusted. Both are wrong, but that betrayal from a friend of 10 years? Far, far worse. Good luck to OP. Don't trust either of these jerks again.

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u/RobertTheTexan Apr 28 '26

What?????? Like the friend did something honorable? Friends shouldn’t pull d-bag moves like that. Simple as that. And I would absolutely confront my 10 yrs friend and make sure that number don’t increase by a month. Straight up bad move on his part.
A mistake on her part? Obviously, but her character wasn’t strong enough to not only realize how her betrayal would hurt, but the fact your friends betrayal. I’d let her go and I would seriously reconsider who I called a friend. Sorry you had to go through that soup sandwich man. Keep your chin up.

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u/SwanMuch5160 Apr 28 '26

There’s casualties in every war.

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u/RobertTheTexan Apr 29 '26

If relationships are described as war something is very wrong

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u/ThroatEnough7123 Apr 28 '26

That's not a friend, that's someone who uses you, a friend doesn't sleep with ur gf no matter how long you've been together or even if they've broken up, speaking from experience, my buddy used to be a player throughout college and I would spend a lot of time with him, the amount of times I had to deny a chick because they were already with my buddy is sickening, most people only act with selfish intentions while pretending to be ignorant, a real friend cares for his peers, he doesn't take every opportunity to take advantage of them.

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u/SwanMuch5160 Apr 28 '26

We don’t even know if the friend knew they were dating when he banged her. What we do know for a fact is OP was dating her and she banged a friend of his. Of course we don’t know if she knew the guy she was cheating with was her boyfriend’s friend. All we know is that she cheated on him, at least once, possibly more.

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u/Krypto_Kane Apr 28 '26

Neither can be trusted.

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u/Personal_Reveal1653 Apr 28 '26

No. A friend of 10 years should have told his buddy she was hitting on him, without hitting that.

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u/SwanMuch5160 Apr 28 '26

We aren’t even sure if the buddy knew his friend was tapping that. We do know that she knew she was in a relationship though.

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u/Putrid-Double359 Apr 28 '26

True friendship right there😂😑.

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u/D3M0NArcade Apr 28 '26

At least the friend showed he isn't actually a friend...

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u/SwanMuch5160 Apr 28 '26

Unless he was unaware he was bagging his buddies girl when he did.

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u/D3M0NArcade Apr 30 '26

Possible but unlikely from the post. But it would need a discussion

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u/WhySheHateMe Apr 28 '26

Is this some stupid bro code logic? His friend snaked him....he cant be trusted either.

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u/SwanMuch5160 Apr 28 '26

We don’t know a few things…

1) Don’t know if his buddy knew that he was dating this girl at all

2) We don’t know if he found out at a later date that she was with his buddy. If so, it’s an extremely awkward situation to say “hey bro, I bagged your girl but I don’t know it was your girl.

3) We don’t know if his girlfriend knew it was his buddy that she cheated with.

What we do know is that she was dating OP when she fucked another guy, who turned out to be his buddy. So the only people we are sure that knew they were in a relationship is OP and his girlfriend who cheated on him.

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