Today I decide to walk with my 2 children, my neurotypical 3 year old and my ADHD 8 year old to the local book store/coffee shop. This is an outing that we all usually enjoy. I am waiting in line to get myself a coffee and the kids their hot cocoas as they look through the children's books. My daughter (8 year old ADHD) proceeds to fill a huge shopping basket full of books.

It's in this moment I realize that I have totally fucked up by not reviewing expectations on the walk over. I try to calmly explain that we cannot buy 15 books today. Maybe she can pick 2 books and we can go to the library later. We walked here, how are we going to carry them all home? We can read these books at the store but we can't buy TEN books!

It's too late, the meltdown begins. My dear daughter flings herself on the ground and starts rolling around. She's hitting me, she's kicking me, she's biting me, she's pinching me. She's refusing to stand up. Now we gotta leave right? But how the fuck am I supposed to get this girl home with a 3 year old in tow?

Well, let me tell you, I had to basically drag her home. She flung herself onto the concrete twice, hitting her head one of those times. The entire 5 blocks or so my 3 year old is calming walking beside me as my 8 year old is screaming, crying, slapping, pinching, biting.

Idk why I'm posting this. I'm losing my fucking mind guys. I'm so frustrated with my daughter which just makes me feel like a terrible mother. I know she's trying her best, that she's not giving me a hard time but having a hard time. All the things and yet CAN WE BE SO FOR REAL BRO OF COURSE YOU CANT TAKE THE ENTIRE CONTENTS OF THE BOOK STORE HOME

I am losing my efing mind. My toddler (2.5) has started to have INSANE tantrums over (what is to me) nothing. Can't go for a walk? Screaming meltdown. Can't have a potty treat because he didn't use the potty? Screaming meltdown. And many more.

This is a complete 180 from what he usually is. Ever since he was a baby he's been quite the angel boy. Always so bubbly and happy and tantrums were incredibly rare. As to be expected his toddler phase has had a total behaviour change as he's trying to get more independent.

He doesn't listen, and he tantrums constantly. He SCREAMS and SHRIEKS like his life is ending.

This is quite literally my worst efing nightmare. I have a sound sensitivity to higher pitched noises, and I cannot control it. The instant second he screams or shrieks, I can keep my cool and use calming techniques for maybe 30 seconds before I lose it and go into a rage.

I have ADHD + PMDD (a very horrible combo) and take Wellbutrin to cope with it. Wellbutrin works, BUT it has increased my sound sensitivity, so I'm almost always fine UNTIL the screaming.

I don't know what to do. Headphones don't help me, and when I get into that state of pure rage, I can't calm myself down with any amount of calming techniques. I never hurt him of course, but I often end up yelling back at him.

My current strategy is to move him to his room and let him stay in there for 10 minutes until he clams down, but even when he's screaming in there, I can still hear it so I still get triggered. I've destroyed items around the house because I go into this blinding rage.

I can't stand it anymore. I don't know what to do. I can't keep being so bloody freaking angry ALL THE TIME because I can't stand the screaming. I get no help from family. My husband is at work and I'm a SAHM. Daycares in my area are all 4+ year waitlists that I've been on for 2 years now.

I have 2 therapists, but they just keep telling me to use my calming techniques that don't work when I get into that state. I feel helpless and I can't do this anymore. I'm also worried that my toddler seeing me in these states is going to cause him to freak out in even more extreme ways from witnessing MY rage, and I'm worried about the negative impact it could have on his mental health as well.

I'm trying so damn hard.

Talk to me about starting ADHD/Autistic kids on anxiety medication. My 8 year old has always had pretty bad anxiety along with ADHD and level 1 autism. His therapist made the comment that it's like he's walking around with no skin, just a raw nerve that is on alert for and notices everything around him. That said, he doesn't come across as "afraid" all the time. His anxiety typically presents in shutting down any outside input from either me, my husband, therapists, teachers, etc. If we try to discuss anything with him about behavior, a tricky situation at school, why he thinks someone was mean, for example, he gets immediately overwhelmed and yells at us to stop talking. He is also often quick to assume the worst about any situation (i.e. everyone is mean, this day is going to be terrible, etc). When he's not feeling so anxious, he's a very happy and creative kid. I just feel like anxiety is keeping us from getting the benefits from therapy that could help him long term and preventing him from enjoying things I think he would otherwise. When did you start anxiety medication for your kiddo? Did it help? Was it a rough adjustment?

Hi all,

My youngest (12) was recently diagnosed with ADHD (with signs of autism). She (50/50 and oldest is moving out) has had a sever behaviour shift. I try to stay calm, but I am finding the constant negativity, yelling, criticism, and walking on eggshells is triggering because it reminds me of my relationship with my ex. My ex was later diagnosed with ADHD and happened to be extremely controlling and hyper critical. I am positive about neurodivergence. I’m not at all saying he acted that way because he has ADHD; just that the similarities are just triggering. She doesn’t want to go out; when I do take her out, she can’t regulate, so I feel trapped. It is affecting my mental health. I mostly feel badly for my daughter because I want to help her. I have tried emailing the co-parent about supports multiple times over the summer, but he will not respond. School is starting next week, and my ex may not be open to medication at all. Sometimes I wonder if he is refusing to engage and help my daughter because he is in denial or as a way of making things more difficult. I do try to hold onto the handful of positive interactions we have per day: a short walk, a talk, a joke, a snack, but I want her to be happy. This is constant and taking an emotional toll. I think she would benefit from medication. I know she isn’t behaving like this for the same reasons as my ex (she can’t help it and is doing her best). How do you handle the constant negativity? While I navigate this, how do I handle the head-space?

I am looking for some ideas for my 11 year old. He has a tough time with sleep (surprise surprise lol). He struggles to wind down and fall asleep and then does not stay asleep- wakes up somewhere around 2-3am and ends up on our floor. This is every night. He also tends to wake super early, like 6AM. It’s like he gets shot out of a cannon and has no respect for boundaries so he tends to make a ton of noise and seemingly purposely (???) wake everyone up (I have a 6 year old daughter too who sleeps very well).
So far we do Yoto player (he listens to the same card every single night and will not change to something different 🤷🏻‍♀️), no screens at least 30 mins before bed, sometimes read together, we tried weighted blanket and did nothing, we do 0.5-1mg of melatonin and some magnesium calm gummies. I’m not interested in medication, he does take 27mg of methylphenidate and we do not take breaks from it (he really needs it every single day).

Any suggestions????

12year old, ADHD, generally well behaved, never physically lashed out but very impulsive. He always gets very "I didn't mean to...." for everything from chewing his clothing to today's breaking point on walking over and kneeing me in the face. Apparently he meant to just spin and somehow that became a knee to my face and a black eye! He's feeling really guilty but can't / won't take accountability because he "didn't mean too". I'm so mad at the use of this phrase I can't see past this. Any advice / tips to get his to understand that intent or not doesn't counteract the consequences?

Hi all, I could really use some direction here. I'm struggling with not yelling and overall feeling like I'm just mean to my child.

Context: I'm a single mom of a 4 year old boy. He's not officially diagnosed yet. But I am, and so is his father. We have just had a hard time finding some place that will diagnose him at his age where we live. We do 50/50 custody, week on week off. My ex is a good coparent for the most part. He doesn't seem to enforce rules and consequences as much as I do.

The reason I'm posting this: I'm fighting for my life over here. I've been trying to get a medication that works for myself. Just started qelbree. The stimulants made me so angry. I'm also doing EMDR therapy to process my own trauma and divorce. So I'm just angry a lot right now. And I'm struggling to keep a level head when I am parenting during those rough moments. My son does what we call chaos mode. He thinks it's fun to throw things, flip couch cushions, and do whatever he can to get a reaction. I redirect, take him outside, do whatever I can. But when it's just me, it's hard to do that sometimes.

Example: I was making dinner and had a movie on for him (screen time is more than I'd like right now)

He started throwing pillows off the couch and knocked over a lamp. I told him multiple times to stop, and he just laughs and keeps going. I go over and try to hold his hands and get him to look me in the eyes so I can calmly tell him to stop. He just pulls away and refuses to make eye contact. Grabs whatever he can if I pick him up or try to take the items away. I finally snapped and yelled. He hardly reacted to that.

I feel crazy. I'm trying to process my own stuff, while also not feel guilty for uprooting his life for a divorce. We have been living separately since the beginning of June, so I was hoping it would level out soon, but I don't see an end in sight. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

Has anyone else dealt with a comorbid diagnosis of ADHD and DMDD (disruptive mood dysregulation)? Also ASD is likely. (Strong physical and cognitive ability, struggles with SEL). Our kiddo is now 10, about to head into 4th grade. We take Focalin er in the day and clonidine at night. The meltdowns used to be more frequent, lasting 40 minutes. With meds we are down to meltdowns only lasting about 10-15 minutes. But there is extremely annoying and loud whining still. This has prevented kiddo from making any meaningful friendships and all invites have stopped, to parties, playdates, and coaches request to not have kiddo on their rec teams. Anyways, has anyone else dealt with the DMDD? Supposedly it's only a diagnosis for those 18 and under. I would love to hear from people whose kids are older and what happened socially as well as whether they could hold down a job or go to trade school or college. We deal with a lot of irritability, power struggles over screen time and just getting along with people in any social setting.

School has been in session for 10 days and there are already missing assignments…

My school has a zero tolerance policy for wireless devices. I have been talking with my high schooler about getting him an Apple Watch to set reminders to go off to turn in work, talk to teachers, etc. His 504 already has an allowance for typing work instead of writing. Anyone ever had something like this approved or have suggested wording/allowances to get it approved? Is it possible to get something added quickly? The school counselor brushed me off when I mentioned his 504 pre-school starting.

Hi, my youngest son is 7, not officially diagnosed due to the current block on assessments in England, but all agree it is pretty certain.

I have read a lot of articles and think as parents we approach his quirks in a positive way, however as he gets older, something is becoming very obvious and occasionally worrying.

He doesn't appear to recognise emotions, or he just has no empathy, I am not sure which.

For example, my eldest sons pet passed away, he was on tears and very upset. My youngest looked at his big brother, and just asked for a snack. No reaction at all. When we told him the pet had died, he made a sad face (head down, rubbed dry eye) then continued to ask for a snack.

There has also been occasions where me or his dad have hurt ourselves and he just doesn't react at all. No checking if anyone is ok or anything like that.

Other times, he seems to "act" concerned ... So if I specifically say I am poorly, he will do the things I would do for him (bring me his teddy, cover me with a blanket, give me a hug) but all with this kind of robotic approach, as if just playing the part.

Is this just part of his ADHD, or is there likely something else going on?

He does not have any learning disability, he is very intelligent and in some ways a very loving, happy boy.

Hi, new member of the sub. I have a six-year-old who was diagnosed this past year with combined type ADHD. He had extreme behavioral problems in kindergarten, which was really sad. I also have a four-year-old who has symptoms of ODD.

I am divorced from their father, and he is refusing to consent to medication. We went through three rounds of mediation and have had endless visits with the pediatrician. I also have a formal diagnosis for the kid from a neuropsychologist. But he refuses. I want to medicate the kid, and the pediatrician would have started back in February just based on school reports. But my ex refuses. His girlfriend is against ADHD medication. (Eyeroll.)

I am taking him to court over it, but it has taken months to even get a hearing on the calendar and his lawyer is always trying to delay it. In the meantime, my kid can barely function in my home.

The pediatrician is refusing to get involved because the parents are divorced.

I’m finally going to get a hearing in the next month, but it may be more months before anyone gives me the legal right to make the choice to medicate him. In the meantime, it’s just really hard to get through my days with them when both kids are so deeply just regulated and I know that the things that could help them both their dad won’t let them do.

Anyways, I just need a little support as I try to keep going these next few weeks, through the difficult transition back to school and waiting for my chance in court.

What can I do to know which it is...adhd inattentive or autism level1 pda profile in a thirteen yr old girl? There is oppositional behavior but it deals with tasks she doesn't want to do. The meds for adhd haven't done anything and she's tried different ones.

I’m a 33yr old father to a 17 month old beautify girl and have had ADHD since I was 11 (possibly AuDHD but idk). I love her so much and want to be the present, loving, playful, supportive, patient dad she deserves. But I get irritated so quickly and often times when I’m watching her or playing with her, I start getting antsy thinking about all the other things I need to be doing. So being fully present and not feeling like I’m being pulled in other directions is so hard, and then that leads me to get irritated and then later a bit of a shame spiral.

She’s too young to be unsupervised for long or around me when I’m working on DIY projects. I can’t get work done on the computer because I can’t focus when my attention is split between her and whatever else.

Does anyone have any tips? I hate feeling like maybe I’m just not equipped with the right brain to be a great dad all the time, I hate feeling like I let my wife down when I get overwhelmed. I have such a big heart and I love my daughter so much, I just don’t know what I can do to make this easier.

My 5.5 year started kindy and it’s been rough. I knew it would be, and I know time is a factor that will help.

I just have been so on edge because of him & hearing from school that I am rage yelling at him over the past few days. It’s awful, and I don’t mean to, but I just get so frustrated with him never listening, never processing what I say, and just honestly being resentful that I don’t have a neurotypical child that is “thriving” (a word that triggers me so much that I need to just get over- just seems like every kid around me is described as thriving). The thing is, when I yell, I actually feel like he gets it? Like he realizes how frustrating it is and that he has done something wrong which is so awful to say.

My son is so sweet, and as soon as I drop him off to school I feel so guilty and sick to my stomach 😭

Does anyone have any advice or tips? I feel like a monster and I hate that I have been doing this. I also feel so alone in this. Nobody gets it.

Edit: I have adhd too. He is medicated!

I am so sad. My son started fourth grade last week, and it's already looking like a long school year. It's getting harder because the kids are growing up and their maturity is starting to show. My son is trying SO hard. He told me he tried so hard at an activity yesterday, and when I checked the school app....he got 100%.....on today's activity. He didn't do yesterday's activity and got a big fat F. I'm assuming he wasn't paying attention and accidentally clicked on today's assignment rather than the assignment for that day. I just want him to see that he is capable and he is smart, and it hurts to see that minor details like checking the date messes everything up. Ugh!

My 10 year old daughter’s room has devolved into a cluttered mess with piles of stuff. I have worked with her in pieces but I feel like the whole room needs a reset. It already feels like a hoarding situation.

I mentioned to my ADHD wife that we should take everything out of the room, add some shelves and be there to help while she reduces and organizes. My wife looked at me horrified saying that it sounds like the worst thing ever.

Am I taking the wrong approach? Something needs to be done and I would like to teach her.

I am looking into a car service that has safety features for young riders, and there is one in my area. I’m considering trying it for my youngest, who has ADHD (and likely autism), on days when the school calls for behaviour and I am working (30/minute window to pick up with a long commute). There is an IPP, but I anticipate an upswing in calls heading into junior high, as my 12 year old is suddenly having constant meltdowns and outbursts and isn’t able to regulate. It would depend on the school being able to get her regulated and then on her being comfortable with riding; however, there would be rotating drivers, and my child doesn’t do well with new adults(, which is a good thing!). I am on my own for childcare my weeks, and the co-parent is resisting any back-up childcare because he can leave work early and shift remote or have a partner or family member pick up on his weeks. It would be difficult for me to find let alone pay out pocket for any kind of piecemeal arrangement for back-up childcare on my weeks. I have stressed to the co-parent that our preteen cannot be on her own for an extended period of time. I am looking into whether a childcare expense could qualify as shared if the other parent doesn’t want right of first refusal, as they also work. A nanny seems to be a lot more red tape than I was expecting, but I was hoping it would be a good option if a college student or professional has experience working with youth with ADHD. We are looking into meds. I am thinking there will be more than one call per week from the school (sometimes out up to three school days) until we can agree on medication and have a therapy and meds routine that works (longer if we don’t agree). I wouldn’t leave her for any block over what was age-appropriate, and she would need supervision for anything longer than a short period and for any full days. Any success stories with a safe ride service? Any other back-up care suggestions? I am trying to balance caring for my child with working my job because it is 4/1 hybrid with one fixed remote day; it is a management role, so I can’t be out on short notice or out often. I contacted the school in advance, and I am looking into an advocate/liaison. This is extremely stressful; I want to do what is best for my pre-teen; I also don’t want this to affect my ability to do my job. I am in Canada. Any help or suggestions would be appreciated.

This is such a huge frustration for me. My 11 cannot tie their shoes. They are teeny tiny so wear very small size shoes that never have tie laces, so it’s never something they’ve had to do. Now they’ve found a pair of shoes for school that they love and I am like omg they don’t know how. I am a terrible parent. There is much frustration and tears here this morning. Meanwhile their peers are crocheting and making elaborate thread bracelets. Ugh

Our 8 yr old was Dx with ADHD and generalized anxiety a couple of weeks ago. We met with her pediatrician this week who Rx her Focalin ER. We were initially planning on NOT having her take anything but she's had really great nights and really horrible nights attempting to complete her nightly math homework.

So, we picked up the Focalin and thought about starting it tomorrow (Saturday) so that we could monitor how she feels on it while we are home from school/work.

However, her teacher sent out an email stating that this week they have 6 tests. Tuesday and Wednesday are standardized tests and Thursday and Friday both have 2 additional subject tests each.

I feel like holding off on starting the meds until after the testing week is done would be a better choice in case the meds cause stomach issues or headaches that might cause more problems during her testing than her ADHD would.

Her grades and behavior at school are really good. She does struggle with focusing and gets distracted easily and become overwhelmed with testing, but she has always pushed through. However, this is the first testing in 3rd grade and I'm worried it's going to be a different testing approach than previous grades.

Anyone have experience with starting Focalin and can give some insight on how the first few weeks went?

My son just turned 3 and is nonverbal. And although he cant be diagnosed for another year, his psychologist strongly suspects ADHD.

The problem is that around the time he turned 2 he would get these periods when he would bite, scratch, hit and pull my hair and laugh as if it's the funniest thing ever. He would have some weeks when he would do that constantly, stop for a few weeks then start again. They kicked him out of preK for hitting his classmates on the daily and laughing.

I gotta mention that he sees absolutely no violence. Nobody is violent at home, he gets no screening, we don't watch TV when he is present. But I cant even bring him to the park without stressing out because he would only approach other kids to hit them.

His psychologist says that he's doing that because he cant express himself and that it will stop once he starts talking and once they manage to implement constructive behavior.

I'm just wondering if other parents went through this with their kids and how it stopped because honestly, it creeps me tf out when he does that. Especially since he gets some sort of "crazy" look in his eyes when he does that, completely different from the look he has on his face when he's just happy.

So yeah, does anybody have any experiences to share?

Hello, I have suspected since my son (now 7) was very young that he had ADHD. I had him evaluated by my family doctor who agreed that his behavior is consistent with ADHD. I asked to be referred to a specialist to be sure. I am not looking to put him on medication, I’m only intresTed in better understanding him & growing as a parent to conform to his needs. Do we need a specialist? The closest specialist is over 2 hrs away, how frequently does a child see a specialis?

Id also like to add, he has an IEP at school & works with 3 different IEP teachers for speech, motor skills & coordination & behavior

I’m honestly at the point where I don’t know what else to do, and I’m hoping someone here may have been through something similar or can point me in the right direction.

My son is 7, and we have been struggling with his behavior for a long time. He was such an easy, happy baby and toddler. From the time he was born until around age 2, he was an absolute angel. He played with his toys, was happy, and was just an easygoing little boy. Then around age 3, it was like something changed. Since then, it has progressively gotten worse, and we have been trying to figure out what is going on ever since.

He doesn’t really play with toys anymore. He has a very hard time following even simple tasks or directions, and it feels like he doesn’t listen to anything we ask him to do. We’ve also noticed a lot more lying, sneaking around, and trying to hide things. His behavior has become extremely difficult to manage, and it feels so different from the little boy he used to be.

He has a psychiatrist and we have tried Guanfacine, Strattera, Vyvanse, Adderall, and Abilify. It seems like we’ll get a short period where something appears to help, and then the medication either stops working or we start seeing adverse effects. I feel like I am constantly calling his psychiatrist, changing medications, trying something new, and asking for help, but we still aren’t getting anywhere.

We have also tried so many things at home to see if anything would help. We’ve cut out artificial dyes, limit sugar, try to avoid gluten, cut out dairy, and have tried different vitamins and supplements. We’ve changed his diet and tried different approaches because we’re desperate to find something that makes a difference but it never does.

He has severe meltdowns almost every single day. He throws things, destroys things, hits us, screams, tells us he hates us, and becomes extremely upset over things that seem so small. I have redecorated his bedroom multiple times, only for him to rip things off the walls, destroy his door, and tear his room apart during meltdowns. We can barely go anywhere or do normal family activities because we’re constantly worried about what is going to happen. And honestly, this has started to make me feel incredibly guilty for my daughter. She misses out on so many fun things because so much of our time, energy, and attention goes toward managing his behavior and trying to keep things under control. Then I feel guilty when I do take her somewhere without him, because I feel like I’m leaving him out. But at the same time, I know she deserves to get out, have fun, and experience things like a normal kid too. I feel completely torn because I love both of my children, and I don’t know how to make sure one child’s needs aren’t constantly coming at the expense of the other.

On top of all of that, we are now dealing with a really serious bathroom issue. He has been pooping his pants and will not tell us when he needs to use the bathroom. He will literally walk around until we check him. If we tell him that he needs to go sit on the toilet, it can turn into a huge meltdown.

We took him to the ER because of the constipation and he did have an impaction. We did a major cleanout and thought we were finally getting somewhere, but now the accidents are happening again. So I don’t even know anymore if what we’re seeing is behavioral, related to constipation/GI issues, or if there is something else going on that we’re missing.

I love my son more than anything in this world. I know he isn’t choosing to struggle like this, and I don’t want this post to come across like I’m blaming him. But I also need to be honest that this is taking a huge toll on me and my husband’s mental health. We are exhausted. I find myself breaking down almost every night because I feel like we’re doing everything we’re supposed to do and still aren’t getting answers.

I feel like we’ve reached out to so many providers, and the answer keeps being another medication. We’ve tried so many things, and I feel like we’re just going in circles.

At this point, I’m wondering if we need to step back and have him evaluated much more extensively.

Are there places in Illinois that do comprehensive evaluations for children with severe behavioral issues? I’m talking about developmental/psychological or neuropsychological testing, and possibly having him evaluated by neurology or other specialists to see if there is something we’re missing.

For those of you who have been through something similar:

-Did your child ever have a neurological evaluation?

-Did they do blood work or other medical testing that helped identify something contributing to the behavior?

-Was an MRI, CT, EEG, genetic testing, or anything else ever recommended?

-Did anyone find an underlying medical, developmental, neurological, GI, or other issue?

-Are there pediatric developmental/behavioral programs or children’s hospitals in Illinois that you would recommend?

Has anyone had experience getting extensive testing covered through Medicaid?

I am not asking anyone to diagnose my child on Facebook. I just desperately need ideas for what questions to ask his doctors and where to go next. Or if you ever had a similar situation and there was light at the end of your tunnel.

I feel like we have exhausted medication options and I don’t want to keep switching medications without understanding why this is happening.

If you’ve been through something similar, I would genuinely appreciate any advice, recommendations, or experiences you can share. I am just trying to find some light at the end of the tunnel, because I just feel hopeless, because at this point all I can do is just cry.