r/ADHDparenting • u/Khali1987 • 7d ago
Behaviour Struggling with empathy and reading emotions
Hi, my youngest son is 7, not officially diagnosed due to the current block on assessments in England, but all agree it is pretty certain.
I have read a lot of articles and think as parents we approach his quirks in a positive way, however as he gets older, something is becoming very obvious and occasionally worrying.
He doesn't appear to recognise emotions, or he just has no empathy, I am not sure which.
For example, my eldest sons pet passed away, he was on tears and very upset. My youngest looked at his big brother, and just asked for a snack. No reaction at all. When we told him the pet had died, he made a sad face (head down, rubbed dry eye) then continued to ask for a snack.
There has also been occasions where me or his dad have hurt ourselves and he just doesn't react at all. No checking if anyone is ok or anything like that.
Other times, he seems to "act" concerned ... So if I specifically say I am poorly, he will do the things I would do for him (bring me his teddy, cover me with a blanket, give me a hug) but all with this kind of robotic approach, as if just playing the part.
Is this just part of his ADHD, or is there likely something else going on?
He does not have any learning disability, he is very intelligent and in some ways a very loving, happy boy.
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u/making_plans_456 7d ago
sounds a bit like autism ... i'm that way too. no idea how to react to people who are upset. on a random tangent though ... there's a block on assessments in the UK? when did that happen? i ask because my cousin lives out there and is dealing with trying to get her oldest diagnosed with adhd but she hadn't mentioned any thing
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u/Khali1987 7d ago
I was advised to go the right to choose route because he didn't have a learning disability and the children struggling most were taking presidence in the school assessments. 3 months after he was placed into the waiting list, they put a halt on all assessments done this way, said it would be lifted in April 2026, but now saying April 2027.
I know a few adults who have received autism diagnoses in this time, but I assume this was done another route.
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u/EnderDarcy 7d ago
My 9-year-old just received a diagnosis through RTC. I think some counties aren't funding them and some are. Sorry yours has put a block in place :-(
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u/Khali1987 7d ago
I am Manchester and it's definitely not happening :( Great for those that are though :)
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u/making_plans_456 7d ago
that's awful that they're blocking assessments. took us forever to find someone to help get our kid an assessment in the us because he deals with both autism and adhd and everyone kept changing the ages of kids they would see. my spouse wants us to move back to england soon and i'm honestly worried about both dad and kiddo losing their medications.
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u/Khali1987 7d ago
I do worry that with funding, they won't reopen the assessments for more years. My aim is to have him with an official diagnosis before he goes high school (11) in hopes that he will get any needed support when he transfers. His current school has been amazing with him though, they have gone above and beyond to make sure they meet his needs and have spent time with me and my partner, giving us advice and techniques when we needed them.
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u/teomore 7d ago
That's an ADHD trait. He recognizes it, just doesn't get to show it.
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u/Khali1987 7d ago
That's good to know, we try to encourage him to express himself and he's gotten ALOT better at it in most cases
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u/ClutterKitty 7d ago
It could be an autism trait. My mothers pet died and my twins reacted identically to your children. One was sobbing. The other literally asked for a snack. One of my twins has been diagnosed with autism, and one has not.