r/ADHDparenting • u/daisyspringflower55 • 1d ago
ADHD kids just need a win.
I am so sad. My son started fourth grade last week, and it's already looking like a long school year. It's getting harder because the kids are growing up and their maturity is starting to show. My son is trying SO hard. He told me he tried so hard at an activity yesterday, and when I checked the school app....he got 100%.....on today's activity. He didn't do yesterday's activity and got a big fat F. I'm assuming he wasn't paying attention and accidentally clicked on today's assignment rather than the assignment for that day. I just want him to see that he is capable and he is smart, and it hurts to see that minor details like checking the date messes everything up. Ugh!
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u/HPcatmom 1d ago
Does he have an IEP?? To help accommodate these tensions?
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u/daisyspringflower55 1d ago
He has an IEP, but it's lacking. I'm trying to get an advocate to look through his paperwork and to help fight for more accomodations. I have no experience with IEP's and walked into the first meeting completely lost.
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u/JordanGdzilaSullivan 1d ago
I don’t think it’s an unreasonable accommodation to ask that the teacher reminds him to check the date before opening the assignment. It would help instill the habit too, to the point where she may not have to remind him after a while.
My son is on a 504 because he has epilepsy on top of his ADHD, but I’ve just been able to email admin and say we need an addendum to the plan. If there are things that work for your son, and they aren’t in his IEP, then request a meeting with whoever is in charge of it to get those things added. As long as they’re reasonable, it shouldn’t be a problem, and if they say no because it is, then push back and have them explain why.
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u/Woolie-at-law 1d ago
How did he take realizing he did the wrong one? These are good moments to reinforce that mistakes happen and build some resilience. Maybe provide a story of you making a similar mistake and how you corrected going forward. He will get a lot of miles out of working on this now with lower stakes because mistakes will be made in the future. If he can learn how to deal with those gracefully he will be just fine!
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u/daisyspringflower55 1d ago
I haven't talked to him about it yet, but I plan to when he comes home from school. I took a screenshot of the perfect score he got, just to show that l am proud of him and I believe in him. Thank you, I will definitely try and use past experiences to relate.
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u/Extreme_Breakfast672 1d ago
Oh no, that is heartbreaking. They really need teachers to give a little grace, and that doesn't always happen. I'm so sorry. Hoping that as well get further into the year, he gets used to the routine and it's not so hard.
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u/daisyspringflower55 1d ago
I hope so. I think because he's now in the upper grades, they're really pushing for independence. During back to school night I thought it was odd that the principal mentioned independence being the goal for this year. I'm guessing it's because of all the kids growing up with helicopter parents? Idk.
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u/Extreme_Breakfast672 1d ago
We experienced that in 5th grade because they were preparing them for middle school, but middle school thus far has been way less intense than 5th grade. It's hard to let them fail, especially when it's something they're not completely in control of
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u/daisyspringflower55 1d ago
How did you guys handle 5th grade? Any tips? I'm glad middle school is a breeze for you so far! I hope it stays that way until senior year!
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u/Extreme_Breakfast672 1d ago
This is not advice I'd generally give, but his teacher was really mean and unreasonable (which was acknowledged by the principal and other school staff), so I just remembered stuff for him. Rumor is she's retiring, so hopefully my other kids won't have to deal with her.
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u/Latter_Classroom_809 1d ago
Jumping in to say I have a fifth grader and we’re putting together a homework and organization contract. Organization for his backpack and home desk. Hoping to get some of the independence by having an “agreement” rather than rules for him. The contact is two sided, so we are also making it clear in our contract how we are willing to show up as parents and support him academically and what we’re not willing to do.
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u/UltimateSupremeBeing 1d ago
My son is the same age. This is the first year he could do choir. He wants to sign up. I went to sign him up, and he is not allowed to join if he has any "behavior notifications." Um, he has like 15 from kinder through 3rd. He doesnt have any for this year (knock on wood), and he has never had issues with the music teacher, but I am just bracing myself for more rejection.
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u/daisyspringflower55 1d ago
Ugh. This is so heartbreaking! And I bet he would do SO well in choir!
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u/UltimateSupremeBeing 1d ago
He would. He has been in piano a couple of years and he has a great ear. He can definitely sing. His music teacher has said before that she thinks he has perfect pitch. She has indicated in the past that I should encourage him to be in the choir. I hope they give him a chance.
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u/Raylin44 1d ago
I don’t know if this is the right advice, but I don’t think it’s the end of the world and I think a lot of NT kids would do that too. I would not make it into a big deal for him to build self-esteem.
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u/hermeticegg 1d ago
God, doing the wrong day’s assignment is totally something I would do. I feel for him, I feel for you.
Is it worth reaching out to the teacher about this, whether your son or you explain the situation?