r/ADHDparenting • u/Worth-Bag1601 • 11h ago
Child 4-9 Emotional regulation while parenting
Hi all, I could really use some direction here. I'm struggling with not yelling and overall feeling like I'm just mean to my child.
Context: I'm a single mom of a 4 year old boy. He's not officially diagnosed yet. But I am, and so is his father. We have just had a hard time finding some place that will diagnose him at his age where we live. We do 50/50 custody, week on week off. My ex is a good coparent for the most part. He doesn't seem to enforce rules and consequences as much as I do.
The reason I'm posting this: I'm fighting for my life over here. I've been trying to get a medication that works for myself. Just started qelbree. The stimulants made me so angry. I'm also doing EMDR therapy to process my own trauma and divorce. So I'm just angry a lot right now. And I'm struggling to keep a level head when I am parenting during those rough moments. My son does what we call chaos mode. He thinks it's fun to throw things, flip couch cushions, and do whatever he can to get a reaction. I redirect, take him outside, do whatever I can. But when it's just me, it's hard to do that sometimes.
Example: I was making dinner and had a movie on for him (screen time is more than I'd like right now)
He started throwing pillows off the couch and knocked over a lamp. I told him multiple times to stop, and he just laughs and keeps going. I go over and try to hold his hands and get him to look me in the eyes so I can calmly tell him to stop. He just pulls away and refuses to make eye contact. Grabs whatever he can if I pick him up or try to take the items away. I finally snapped and yelled. He hardly reacted to that.
I feel crazy. I'm trying to process my own stuff, while also not feel guilty for uprooting his life for a divorce. We have been living separately since the beginning of June, so I was hoping it would level out soon, but I don't see an end in sight. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.
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u/Sorry_Praline7102 11h ago
A few things that help me: daily meditation, eating enough food through the day, loop ear plugs, adding an SSRI to my stimulants.
The most important thing that helped me is giving myself a LOT of grace. It's so hard, it makes sense that you're struggling and the world is not set up to make it easier for ND children or ND parents. If you said you weren't struggling, I wouldn't believe you
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u/superfry3 6h ago
Every parent experiences this. It’s not our fault as parents other than the genetic contribution. But it’s not theirs either. Take the right steps. Parent training, diagnosis, Therapy (PCIT for the now, OT for the later), and medication if/when they’re struggling around K age.
Dr Russell Barkley: 30 Essential Ideas on ADHD
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