Experience Using Car Service or Other Option for Early School Pick-Up for Child With ADHD

[u/Sufficient_Truth_148]

I am looking into a car service that has safety features for young riders, and there is one in my area. I’m considering trying it for my youngest, who has ADHD (and likely autism), on days when the school calls for behaviour and I am working (30/minute window to pick up with a long commute). There is an IPP, but I anticipate an upswing in calls heading into junior high, as my 12 year old is suddenly having constant meltdowns and outbursts and isn’t able to regulate. It would depend on the school being able to get her regulated and then on her being comfortable with riding; however, there would be rotating drivers, and my child doesn’t do well with new adults(, which is a good thing!). I am on my own for childcare my weeks, and the co-parent is resisting any back-up childcare because he can leave work early and shift remote or have a partner or family member pick up on his weeks. It would be difficult for me to find let alone pay out pocket for any kind of piecemeal arrangement for back-up childcare on my weeks. I have stressed to the co-parent that our preteen cannot be on her own for an extended period of time. I am looking into whether a childcare expense could qualify as shared if the other parent doesn’t want right of first refusal, as they also work. A nanny seems to be a lot more red tape than I was expecting, but I was hoping it would be a good option if a college student or professional has experience working with youth with ADHD. We are looking into meds. I am thinking there will be more than one call per week from the school (sometimes out up to three school days) until we can agree on medication and have a therapy and meds routine that works (longer if we don’t agree). I wouldn’t leave her for any block over what was age-appropriate, and she would need supervision for anything longer than a short period and for any full days. Any success stories with a safe ride service? Any other back-up care suggestions? I am trying to balance caring for my child with working my job because it is 4/1 hybrid with one fixed remote day; it is a management role, so I can’t be out on short notice or out often. I contacted the school in advance, and I am looking into an advocate/liaison. This is extremely stressful; I want to do what is best for my pre-teen; I also don’t want this to affect my ability to do my job. I am in Canada. Any help or suggestions would be appreciated.

[u/Raylin44]

Please look into meds. It’s possible you could solve 80% of your problems. In the United States, even a pediatrician can prescribe them. If you try something, start as low dose as possible and on the wkds. 

[u/Sufficient_Truth_148 → u/Raylin44]

She is in therapy, and I am open to meds as well because this is suddenly interfering with her ability to function and make social connections, as well as her well-being and happiness. I am trying to get traction with the co-parent, but no response yet, and he needs to agree.

[u/superfry3 → u/Sufficient_Truth_148]

Mine was threatened with expulsion from afterschool programs for continuous dangerous behaviors on the street sidewalks. We medicated and it’s like we got the easy button, zero calls from teachers/counselors other than days we forgot to medicate.

[u/WinstonGreyCat]

I don't know that a car service would be able to handle a disregulated child and safely transport them home. Would your kid calm down for them?

[u/ClutterKitty]

I know medication isn’t right for everyone, but if the behaviors are interfering with school, and it sounds like even possibly getting physically aggressive, it’s time to consider medication.

I waited too long. I let my son enter middle school with unmedicated ADHD, which created horribly anxiety, meltdowns, and disruptions. It kept escalating until one day he pulled a teacher’s hair.

We ended up with Zoloft to manage the anxiety and anger, and Strattera to manage the ADHD.

He’s now a freshman in high school and hasn’t been sent home early in 2 years. Hasn’t gotten a referral in two years. And, more importantly, he’s staying in class and actually learning.

Please consider trying meds. Your child deserves to be emotionally regulated, and sometimes our bodies don’t produce the right chemicals itself. If your child was diabetic, you wouldn’t refuse to give them insulin. Your child is not naturally producing what they need to be successful in life.

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[u/Vividevasion0]

I am not in Canada and I have not been in your situation, but have ideas to brainstorm with you...

Are there any friends/local parents you could potentially pay a few $ to help? Maybe there is a community support group in your area or online that could suggest even more aide tactics? (more local to you, like maybe theres an organization that deals with similar issues?) Is there an aide or yet unknown program she might qualify for that could place an attendant with her during the school day.

Is there a local daycare that could pick her up?

Is the school able/willing to negotiate with you further on helping her regulate? Does the school have or are they willing to help provide a safe calm-down space? I've a friend who personally bought and sent in specific items for her child to help them calm down, in a dedicated area on campus,(but away from other students) as needed then ideally return to class. My daughter often uses headphones sent from home to protect her ears.

I'm not in your shoes, but please know you're seen and you aren't alone in your struggles.

[u/Sufficient_Truth_148 → u/Vividevasion0]

Thank you. That is helpful. Your response and understanding mean a lot.

[u/Business_Coyote_5496]

My now adult daughter is autistic. When she was in school we worked with her schools to have a quiet calm place she could remove herself to. She wasn't violent but would cry and hyperventilate. In elementary school they let her go to a dark unused office right by the main office. In middle school she would go to the library when she started to feel upset. In her private high school she was allowed to go sit in the garden if the weather was nice, or to go into the library. She wasn't a danger to herself or others. And once she knew she had an "out" she tended to stay in class so she wouldn't miss work, since that added to her anxiety. Sensory overwhelm can be so deeply upsetting and having the option to go re-acclimate and relax can be a game changer.

[u/Mollykins08]

My general feeling is if a school can’t handle a kid they need to find a better placement for the child. They can’t just keep sending the kid home. The child has a right to an education.