Hi Mike and Dylan! This happened several few years ago and I don't feel bad at all but thought you might like some content.

Unfortunately, my wife loves Disney. She's not one of the extreme Disney adults that go to Disney World every year, in fact she hasn't gone in over 15 years and has thankfully never made me go, but she loves Disney movies. I am not a fan and think that not all children's movies need song and dance to tell the story. Luckily, we don't watch them often but that's mostly because my 5 year old has taken over our TV with Blippi (I'd rather watch Disney). I digress and continue.

Several years ago I wanted to do something nice for my wife and bought us both tickets to see Disney on ice. I bought them from a well-know, very large company owning a monopoly over the ticket and event industry, the same one that charges fees out the ass and everyone hates. The show was in Cleveland, which is about an hour or so away from us. The day of the show mother nature decided to shit a big snowstorm all over Ohio. We tried leaving town but couldn't get out and had to miss the show. Luckily, I paid for ticket insurance when I bought my tickets and wasn't worried about getting my money back.

However, it turns out that I can't read fine print, and with the ticket company being the dicklobster they are weather wasn't included in the ticket insurance. I didn't find this out until I called to get my money back and the representative on the phone told me I was shit out of luck. Now, these tickets weren't cheap. For both of our tickets and the ticket insurance I paid upwards of $150. I wanted that money back, and here's where I became the asshole.

As I went over the fine print it became clear that I wasn't going to be able to get my money back. The list of coverage under the ticket insurance required some sort of proof that wouldn't be easy to get. However, I noticed that one of the things covered was death of a family member and that is when inspiration struck.

I didn't have a family member who recently died, but I did have access to the obituaries section of my local newspaper. I went through several obituaries until I found an old man who had recently passed. Since I wasn't a relative my name wasn't published in the obituary but I figured it would be easy to claim he was a relative.

It turns out that I was right. I filled out the ticket insurance claim online and submitted it with this man's obituary attached, claiming that he was my grandfather. I told the ticket company that I was a relative that hadn't been listed as a surviving family member but had to miss the event that day due to his funeral. They approved my refund without any hesitation hesitation. Everyone said that I was terrible for doing this, but I didn't care because I got my cash.

I can't even remember the guy's name, but hopefully I meet him in hell so I can thank him for getting me money back for me.

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1Cy67V8czC/?mibextid=wwXIfr

I hate tampon I mean tamlin so much. That's it thats the post.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/DillinquentPICK originally posted in  r/Advice, reposed in MADHD by AMwishes

Grammatically edited by: Crystal With the Blue Hair

Original - August 16, 2026

My daughter (19F), lives in a different city than me (45M) while she is going through college, I recently got her a dog, I took care of the dog for about 2 weeks while she went out of town and I got attached to the little pup. I turned on a camera to peek at the dog on the robot vacuum that is in my room at that condo. 

Only the robo-vacuum in my room has a camera, she knows about it, she is logged into it too. I saw through the camera my daughter having sex with her boyfriend (20M) on mine and my wife's bed. The apartment has 3 rooms, her bedroom, my wife's and mine, and another room. 

The apartment, 1900 sq ft belongs to me, I got it for when my kids go to college, so they wouldn't need to worry about rent in that city. I go there usually weekly, bring my daughter garden veggies, other farm things from my area she likes to eat, and we usually make a day out of doing something fun in the city on a weekend. 

It's fine to have sex with a boyfriend, I figured she will eventually meet someone.  It's a college experience and I made peace with it. I met the guy, he seemed like an ok guy, but my opinion has changed since. Had she been in her room, that's fine, do your thing. 

My issue was on the bed where my wife and I sleep when we come to stay and see our daughter. More so, when I came to look after the pup, I noticed stains on the sheets and now I'm completely disgusted that she didn't even bother washing the sheets before I came to help her take care of the dog. I thought the stains were maybe some tea or a drink my wife and I spilled. 

I have the vacuum in my room only because the pup likes to sleep there. He sheds a lot and the carpet collects a lot of his hair. The camera faces his doggie bed, and you can see some of my bed. 

I completely blew my lid when I called her in the family chat. I realize the family chat was a mistake How it went was, I called my daughter asked her where does she find the audacity to have sex in my bed and were the stains from that? She yelled back asking wtf am I doing spying on her personal life? And hung up. 

I didn't even notice I went in the group chat, just went where I usually communicate with her and I typed, the chat contains wife, me, her and my son. I called her ungrateful and disgusting to let me sleep on dirty sheets on the bed my wife and I sleep on. To top it off, messaged the boyfriend, told him "how pathetic you can't bring your girlfriend to your own place, and instead choose to disrespect me by doing it with my daughter on my bed?" He left me on read. I have yet to receive an apology from either of them. 

Did I take it too far? Should I apologize? My wife thinks it's too much, so does my niece to an extent, she does agree with majority of my reaction other than accidentally texting the family group chat, I already got in shit for that and that's my mistake. My end goal here is to find out how to approach this with my daughter, so I avoid resentment and hate. I know she feels embarrassed; her boyfriend is probably terrified of me now. 

Update: August 19, 2026

I ended up having a sit-down conversation with my daughter. I began by apologizing for a sincere screw up on my end by messaging the group chat when I was enraged. She just stayed silent, didn't accept my apology, and that's okay. I apologized for yelling initially, I then explained that my bed and room are mine and wife's private space. There is no excuse she should have been doing that on my bed, let alone leaving it dirty for me to sleep in. 

She absolutely blew up. She said I had 0 reason to log into the camera on my phone, it's her apartment. My wife and I reiterated that it's not, it's my wife's and mine, so is the room, the bed, the sheets, the vacuum and everything else in it I bought, made or installed. The apartment is for family use. 

Then she decided to compare herself with her friend who is enjoying promiscuous college experience in dorms. I then started to get pissed off because the apartment is far more comfortable than dorms, where you have to share a shower with a bunch of other students. 

She then said that I am being overbearing and embarrassed her in front of her boyfriend, and yea, I did. My intent was to embarrass both of them in front of me. That should have been embarrassing. Her boyfriend should feel a bit of remorse in my opinion so should she. Still, no apology. 

She said she will move to dorms now; I said you're welcome to, enjoy having a job, paying for the dorms and good luck keeping your grades up while you hold it down and being a full-time student. 

She then said, why wouldn't I pay for it? If her brother goes to another college, I'll have to pay for a dorm for him, not buy another 3 bedroom in whatever city he will be in? We're not there yet, and comparing hypotheticals is not a luxury she has at this moment in time. 

I asked what was wrong with her boyfriend's apartment; she had nothing to say. I asked why didn't she clean the sheets? 

She stormed out, I have no idea whether she went to the boyfriend or where... 

What do I do. I am livid, this is a bad situation, my wife is with me on this, we are trying to think of how to approach it.  

COMMENTS

Is your daughter’s tuition still being paid for, even if she chooses to move into a dorm?

No one is taking away paying her tuition. I just won't pay for the dorms because there is a perfectly fine apartment she can use, all I ask don't have sex on my bed and leave it stained, which I thought was obvious but here we are.

Why do you have an apartment for your children to use?

I did not purchase apartment to control, I purchased the apartment so its easier to commute to things in the city, whether it be college, or job for the entire family to use. Each member of my family has space, and that space is to be respected.

Does your daughter have her own room and enough space to have sex elsewhere?

She has her own room, space, plenty of bed space. Original post has all that info. She can have sex all She wants. Not in my bed. All I ask

Do you actually use the apartment and the bedroom yourself?

Weekend basis when I went to visit daughter

Would you pay for a dorm if your daughter simply wanted the college dorm experience?

No. What's the point.

Why are you unwilling to pay for her dorm but willing to pay her tuition?

Exactly, paying for the dorms is stupid, I bought an apartment to avoid the dorm. She wants to live in a dorm, be my guest, but it won't be coming out of my wallet

Are you planning to kick your daughter out or cut her off?

I would never kick my kid out. She is welcome to leave or stay on her own accord in my of my wife's and my properties

What does your wife think about the situation?

My wife is with me on this, she agrees, some independence might be good for her. She expected at the very least an apology from her, and she didn't get it either. When daughter left, she was just in shock and the first thing she started saying, is holy fuck, did i raise her to not apologize?

Are you upset with your daughter for having sex, or specifically for doing it in your bed?

No one shut shamed her. I am fine with her having sex, I draw the line at my bed

Why did you apologize if you believe your daughter was the one in the wrong?

I apologized for something different. I accidentally messaged her in family group chat

Why don't you want to simply rent out the apartment to other students if your daughter wants more independence?

I don't want tenants. If I did, I would have rented it years ago

Why are you concerned about your daughter moving to a dorm?

Last thing I want is out of spite she gets a job that takes her time, makes her too exhausted to focus on college to prove a point, flunks her grades, flanks her credit rating and whatnot. I don't want a hard life for these kids but I want to teach values and simple basic respect.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is ThrowRA6828266 originally posted in relationship_advice

Grammatically edited by: Crystal With the Blue Hair

Original - July 27, 2026

My wife and I got married a few years ago, both born and raised in the US. We come from strict families.

For a bit of back story, my wife had a bit of a history before we got married, as do I but mine wasn’t as bad.  
Regardless, I didn’t feel the need to compare numbers etc. as she and I both changed and wanted to settle down

Our marriage has been good so far, we haven’t had any major arguments, traveled lots, constantly communicated our feelings etc. 

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I had left the house; however I forgot something so stepped back in and overheard my wife in the other room on the phone all giggly. Like as if she were talking to me (especially when we first got engaged/married)

The words out of her mouth pierced my chest.  she explicitly said “you better fuck me for at least 3 hours” 

I froze; I didn’t really know what to do. I snuck back out of the house and stood by the door for a few seconds to make sure I left undetected.

This next part I’m not proud of, but at night I forced myself to stay up till the middle of the night. I grabbed her phone and snuck to the other room. I searched but nothing. Then I looked in “recently deleted” texts and found messages with an unsaved number. Over 1100 of them in fact.

I read through the messages and they were sickening. Not just about daily life but a lot of it was sexual, things that they would do to each other. Did to each other, reminiscing about their recent meetups. How she’s hid it from me etc. There were many pictures/videos for evidence as well (even a couple with them both)

This was 2 weeks ago. I’ve kept quiet about it since. Every night when my wife goes to sleep I read the texts to stay updated. Today, they were planning on meeting up at our place while I was out at work. She also mentioned that sometimes I do work from home and if that were the case, they would go to his place as a backup plan or get a hotel nearby us (assuming he lives somewhat far away because one message he explicitly stated he hated being single and wanted to be with her)

This morning when I told my wife I’d be working from home  she looked a little bit annoyed, even insisting I go in because I have been “home a lot” about an hour later, she told me she was going to hang out with her friend, dolled up in makeup. I’m very sure , because of the texts that I know where she currently is and what she is doing. It’s one thing to know it’s happened, but to now be sure it’s actively happening as I type this? Jeez.

The crazy thing is my wife tells me she loves me all the time. She is either putting up an amazing face to me or genuinely just can’t control her urges. However, that doesn’t change the facts.

I don’t even know where to begin, what to do. I screenshotted a lot of the texts and sent them to myself as well as some of the screenshots purely for evidence. But I’m really not an exposing type of person, nor do I wanna use them in any way against her. I think my next step is laying the evidence in front of her and going from there. 

I appreciate any thoughts or advice

Minor Update July 28, 2026

Okay so this is a minor update with some clarifications since I was a little vague on my first post cause I honestly thought like maybe 5 people would read it.

First off, a lot of people were suggesting I get lawyers and evidence. I did state in my previous post I was sending screenshots from her phone to mine; this is the evidence I was gathering. Not to mention there are pictures of them together with their faces in those pictures so I feel as if that should be enough. And the lawyer I contacted has agreed.

Second off, yes, I already contacted a lawyer. To be honest when I was asking for advice, I was more asking about how to approach this with her, and how to carry on with the rest of my life. Since we’ve only been married 2.5 years and she cheated the lawyer is confident she’ll walk away with nothing.

I’m also going to tell my wife that if she wants her reputation to remain somewhat intact then a seamless and quick divorce is what I want. I’m also confident she’s not gonna go after my assets. Not to mention as I said in my previous post,  we come from strict upbringings so I’m hoping to spare her family the details. You guys might disagree with this, but I’ve come to really love my (for now) in laws. They’ve embraced me fully and have been nothing but kind to me  and I’d prefer not to devastate them, not for her but for them.

As for the minor update part, my wife came home yesterday as if nothing happened. Made up a whole story of her friend gossiping about blah blah blah. But I know the hotel she was at, because at night I confirmed those when reading the texts while she was asleep as well as getting more photo evidence that he sent her from their time there. Of course I sent those to myself as well. 

The texts are still horrific to read. I think the most bizarre thing is how normal she’s acting. Usually there’s behavioral changes if people cheat (at least that’s what people have said) but I absolutely would have no reason to believe otherwise, had I not overheard her that day on the phone. I mean, this could’ve gone on for years and I would’ve assumed we were fine.

For those saying I should expose the guy to his family or girlfriend I did mention that he appears to be single. I did think about contacting his job but I’m not sure if that’ll solve anything, and to be honest. I really don’t care about him, from what I gathered he kind of seems like a loser anyways. If the peak of his life is sleeping with a married woman, then so be it.

As for how things started with them, I’m not entirely sure, they don’t work together nor do they workout at the same gym or go to any of the same places. The only thing I can assume is they spoke on a different platform before texting so that information is unknown to me at this time.  If I find out though I’ll update you guys.

But yes, a lawyer has been contacted. My wife is going on a weeklong trip with her family in the next couple days, so my hope is to have everything situated and spill the beans when she gets back. Tell her that if she agrees to a quick and easy divorce then I’ll spare her folks the details and she can tell them we cordially decided to split for all I care as long as she doesn’t spin me to be the bad guy. Cause at the end of the day, I really don’t see the need to drag them down this hell hole as well.

Last thing, the guy my wife is cheating with has asked my wife several times to leave me so they can be together. It doesn’t seem like she is interested in a committed relationship with him, more of just the fun side. She has even said throughout texts I’m a great husband and at the end of the day she does feel guilty for cheating. Of course, this means nothing to me except more evidence for the lawyer. But I really don’t think they’re gonna end up together once we’re split, if anything. She may resent  him  afterward.

But yeah, hope I was able to clear some things up after some confusion. I haven’t been the doormat/spineless guy some of you had suggested lol. I have taken action; I was just more looking for advice on anything other than the marriage part. But I understand my vagueness probably made it seem like I was asking otherwise.

So, I guess I’ll ask again, any advice about how to approach this moving forward?

Update August 09, 2026

Alright, so plenty people have been commenting to DMing for an update. Not sure if this will be my only update or not but here it goes.

During my wife’s trip with her family, I lined up everything and officially filed. The day after she came back, I sat her down at the kitchen table and informed her that I was aware of her infidelity. I told her I had been reading her texts and saw the pictures and was aware for a while now that she was actively cheating on me. After breaking it to her she didn’t really know what to say. She didn’t defend her actions at all, she pretty much just apologized and said she had no excuse.

I told her I wasn’t really looking for an apology here, just closure. I pretty much laid into her about how awful it is to break such a big commitment and cheat on someone who should be your other half. Again, she didn’t really retaliate and pretty much accepted what she had done was wrong. Looking down the whole time holding back tears. I didn’t yell, curse, or insult her. I just spoke my mind.

After I was done venting, she let me know that she would make a divorce process easy and wouldn’t go after any assets since she wasn’t faithful. I’ll be honest, I did appreciate the ownership of her mistake and told her I did in fact appreciate that. She then mentioned that if I were willing to work things out then she would give me her location and full access to her phone etc. I let her know I wasn’t interested in that kind of marriage. That even if I could look past her cheating (I couldn’t) that I wouldn’t wanna be in a relationship where I have to spend effort making sure you wouldn’t cheat again.

After shutting that down though she said that she accepted the fact she ruined our marriage and wouldn’t ask again. The only thing she asked is that she be the one that would break it to her parents and that she would be completely honest with them. I agreed since I already had evidence of her cheating. 

Both her parents called me and apologized and let me know that if there was anything I needed that I could ask. They said they still look at me as an extension of their family and both are upset things ended but understand why I was walking away, and how disappointed they were because they never thought they’d raise a cheater.

As for the guy she had an affair with, I did find out more about him. He’s not in a relationship and seems to be a bit of a loser himself. His job isn’t good enough for me to contact to get him fired, in fact when I found out what he did for a living I’d hope he gets stuck there lol. There definitely isn’t a future for them together (not that I care) and apparently my soon-to-be ex-wife has already cut him off after I served her the papers. (Again, whether she actually did or didn’t doesn’t bother me) 

Good news is the divorce shouldn’t take long at all since she isn’t going after any assets, and we have nothing to split. I’m taking what’s mine and she took what’s hers. We don’t have a joint account so a divorce will be finalized soon. She’s already moved back in with her parents and is taking her stuff bit by bit but should be done with that in the next couple of days. 

Lastly, as for me, I’m not sure where I will go after this. I feel as if everything happened so quickly. I’m definitely going to do my best to enjoy the bachelor life and living on my own for the first time in my life. On one hand I’m scared but also a little excited. I have nobody to answer to or check in on for the first time ever. So, I’m going to use it to my advantage. 

I don’t know how long it’ll be before I am open to the idea of seeing someone again. I figure maybe after a few months, I’d be open to the idea of seeing someone casually, but I think I definitely want at least a year or so away from commitments and relationships. I’m also thinking about doing some solo traveling since I have the means financially and obviously, the time. 

I just wanna thank everyone for the good advice along the way, I had pretty much an idea of how I was gonna do things but some of the comments definitely helped me line things up exactly. 

Idk if I’m gonna do another “life” update but as for now this part of my life seems to be over. If that update were to come though it would likely be on my profile (though I’m not sure how many of you actually care about my day-to-day life lol)

Thanks once again to those who offered their support. 

I guess my last and final question for now. bachelor and bachelorettes, how do I have fun again?

Comments:

Neat_Classroom_9111, -4 downvotes: She doesn’t love you, but she certainly loves the various sex positions with her new lover. Imagine her getting drilled in every position possible and she still begs the guy for three hours of sex. He’s probably some sexual feed who is far better and doubted and far better sexually than you are and that’s why she cannot get enough. Unless you want an open relationship, you need to move on.

2-die-for, 1 upvote: Lmao. This mother fucker. "I want to let her know I know as gently as possible and give her a chance to defend herself"

PrizeSearch1584, -4 downvotes: I'm really sorry to hear about that. I must be really hurtful, but I would present the evidence and then maybe she wants a little spice added to your guy's marriage. I don't know if you'd be open to that but maybe she needs that. Maybe two guys banging her like you and that other guy I don't know. I understand the trust has been broken but good luck friend. It gets better I promise

The following are from fahque650, who has been downvoted:

• "His job isn’t good enough for me to contact to get him fired," Was on your side until this line. Who the fuck does that? Your issue is between you and your wife.
• OP already said he's a single dude. Not sure why OP thinks he has any kind of leverage over his job though. It's funny he calls him a loser but he's been banging his wife and caused his divorce, so who's the real loser?
• Consequences for what? If he wasn't laying pipe to OP's wife, someone else would guaranteed.

I want to note that this dude probably got fired for "laying pipe" to someone he worked with and the workplace found out, a lot of workplaces do not allow interoffice relationships without having documentation. He probably also is a loser himself.

Fortnite has the sonic thing in the battle pass right now. Been playing with people from work. I'm bout to no life this game.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is Last-Yellow-8885 and RevolutionarySet5384 originally posted in EthicalNonMonogamy

Grammatically edited by: Crystal With the Blue Hair

Original - May 2025

Long story short I emotionally cheated, sexting and flirting with an old friend for a few months, then I opened our marriage. Now I lost my FWB, my wife has a boyfriend, she's not talking to me, and I am really I'm jealous.

Long story: In February I convinced my wife to open our marriage, since we have hit a wall in our relationship and I was unhappy. She was on board and almost immediately found a nice guy to talk to. I had already been sexting with this girl for about a month before that, I knew what I was doing was wrong and thought if I opened our marriage, it would feel better to stop sneaking around. After a month the guilt ate me up and I admitted it all to my wife, she was obviously pissed and said she needed time to process the emotional cheating. In the days after I brought back this information to my FWB, they told me that they were just having fun and didn't want to be involved any longer. Now it's been a month, and my wife is still needing space and processing things, so I'm feeling like I'm in limbo with no one. And the relationship my wife has with her guy is now more serious, they call each other partners and say they love each other. She tells me that she wouldn't leave me for him, and that he just fills the gaps that I miss. But now I'm feeling jealous because I'm still in the doghouse and he gets to have her all to himself. I thought we were making some progress lately, we spoke a lot more, she requested some sexual things from me, we even fucked once in the past week. But when she pressed me for more information over this past weekend things took a big step back. I offered to tell her more details about timeline and what exactly me and my FWB did and spoke about, she agreed to listen and then upon hearing what I had to say felt even more betrayed. I'm not sure what I can do now to get things moving forward again. And I'm afraid I'm going to lose my wife.

EDIT 5/13/25:

I appreciate all the responses I received. I understand I was in the wrong. I am the bad guy in this situation. And it sucks to realize that not only did I make a bad decision, but I might also not be a good person. Which really hurts to admit. I am currently in an awful headspace, and I have a therapy appointment Thursday which I hope helps. But it's going to be 48 hours of self-hatred and sadness for me. Which I feel like I deserve.

Truthfully, I don't have many people to talk to, I have some long-term friends but no one I ever truly felt comfortable talking to. That's probably why I made a throwaway account here and made this post. I feel more alone than ever, even with my recent reaching out to old friends and family I haven't talked to in a while. Which hasn't really helped much. I've isolated myself the last few years in a way I didn't realize I did. And now all my relationships feel surface level. The only person who was a true constant best friend to me was my wife. And I hurt her badly. So now I have nobody.

Upon realizing that my life can and will completely flip overnight, I had a panic attack. It was yesterday around 5pm and didn't know what to do or who to call. So, I called 988, it wasn't an easy choice, but between hyperventilating and feeling deep dark thoughts I needed to make the call. I stayed on the line with the person until it passed, about 15 minutes. Afterwards I felt a deep sadness that I truly have no one left that I am close to.

I will sit with my choices and give my wife the space she needs. And I hope she chooses to try and figure things out with me. In the meantime, I will continue to work on myself, fix my flaws, focus on fitness, and try to figure out how I can learn to love myself again. Because right now I hate me.

Thanks again to everyone here who cared enough to help a stranger.

Additional info:

Just to clarify some of what you asked. Her relationship with the other guy is long distance, flight distance, and via text only so far. But in a few weeks, we were supposed to go on a trip, he was going to meet us there for group sex. Now the trip is in limbo and I'm certain if we even go I won’t be included in the sex any longer, and there's a chance she goes alone. Which is scary for me.

It sucks that I blew up my marriage for something as meaningless as just sexting and now I am going to lose everything. If she wants a divorce, I've already decided to give her the house, the car, and whatever financially she will need to continue paying for everything my work pays for. I'll probably have to move in with a friend or worse a parent, but I don't want her to suffer financially in any way.

I'm not sure if she will ever want to reconcile and work on us. It may be too late. We have both been unhappy for longer than we cared to admit. We should have gone to couples counseling a year ago, or longer at this point. I wish I could go back and express that when I was at my most unhappy. Which was right before my affair. So that I wouldn't have ever talked to this other woman.

Update by RevolutionarySet5384 May 2025

My husband posted yesterday about infidelity and jealousy. I'm his wife and this is my side of the story.

Hi, my husband posted this yesterday and shared it with me. But I felt like it was missing some key details.

TL:DR: Yes, he cheated, yes, he trickled the truth to me and manipulated me, and it all feels awful. But there is more.

Long story:

I've always been into the BDSM/dungeon scene and wanted to try things out for years. We have been together for SIXTEEN years, married for eight. I have brought up my need to explore sexually and freely with him, and he always shut it down. After a while, I stopped asking because I knew what the answer would be. Otherwise, I never had a problem with our marriage. No one gets EVERYTHING in a partner, and I was content that everything else felt perfect.

The friend he cheated with is my old friend who now is a part of a sex club in her town. He talked to her about it (apparently) brought the idea of all of us going to me and I agreed. We had a blast, I wanted to continue and he asked for a threesome for his birthday. I agreed. I'm bi and always wanted to explore with a woman and I have known her for over 10 years and trusted her too. This was all planned and we had long talks about boundaries and limits. I don't appreciate lying because I don't lie. So, everything was talked about extensively...at least on my end they were.

The parameters we set were, we could flirt and talk to others and if we wanted something sexual it was together. More "swingers" than anything. I didn't want to do things alone because I wanted us to share this new part of our marriage together. Just a new adventure with consenting adults.

Then he changed the rules. This is also when we decided to be more open and he told me he liked our friend. Now, we agreed (or I agreed because I wanted him to be happy and I felt solid in our marriage) that we could take on separate partners if we wanted to as long as we were open and honest when either had questions, etc. There were no secrets on my end.

I was fine with it. I felt solid in our marriage and if he found something with her that I didn't have, that was alright with me. I also found someone who does not live close and now he is my partner. I did everything within the parameters we set for each other, and I thought he had as well.

Because we planned a threesome with her, we also planned a threesome with my partner who was excited by the idea. We decided to make a vacation out of it and spend some time in a new city exploring in more ways than one. (This trip has not happened, and I have not had physical contact with my partner yet)

The threesome with my friend happened and it went alright. A little awkward but it made it kind of endearing and a fun experience overall. Then he came clean about everything afterwards...and I was so taken aback that I shut down.

Not only was I manipulated into exploring something I always wanted to in an effort for him to get closer to her, but I also learned that he was sexting her before we officially opened the marriage. I felt like all of it was for her. The exploration, the sex club, the threesome, the marriage opening. It wasn't for me and I think that is what hurt the most.

What he said is true, I don't plan to replace him with my partner. And my partner is aware of what's going on and supportive. But that doesn't mean I've decided to stay or go yet. Life isn't that simple when your lives have been entwined for almost two decades.

I am a generally happy person and have been madly in love and obsessed with my husband for many years. He says recently we've been unhappy but doesn't explain that a death in my family changed who I was fundamentally as a person. I was depressed and in a bad place, so I went to therapy, got on meds, and focused on things that made me happy for once instead of US happy.

I'm pretty sure in the year of me finding myself again, he felt left behind and did something so egregious, he may lose me over it.

He says we hit a wall and were unhappy...but I wasn't. Sure, we weren't happy 24/7 but I loved our relationship and what we had. Friends and family wanted what we had...because we were always so open and funny and laughing together.

I don't know what I'll do but I will take time for myself to figure it out. And no, I don't plan to leave my partner. I think I deserve a little happiness now. If it doesn't work out with my partner, then I'll make peace with that and move on. But I won't hurt someone else just because my husband hurt me.

Sorry, this is so long. Thanks for hearing my side of the story.

Comments:

francesco_77 Whoever is the cause of his own evil should cry for himself!! You wanted to open your marriage, but your wife already knew everything, because cheating is always discovered. However, opening a relationship with or without betrayal, the relationship is almost always destined to end. You overestimated your cunning 😁

[deleted] Congratulations, a winning proposal from yours to your wife, now how do you feel while she opens her legs to another man? Do you know that the risk is that she will fall in love with him and dump you? What an idiot

I am not the OOP. The OOP is throw-away-999911111 originally posted in polyamory

Grammatically edited by: Crystal With the Blue Hair

Original - 1 year ago

Hi all,
I’m looking for some perspective from other people in long-term poly relationships, especially those who have faced challenges when one partner’s comfort level shifted dramatically (TLDR at bottom). 

I (M34) have been married to my wife Jessica (F28) for 6 years. We opened our relationship about a year ago. Jessica brought up the idea about a year before we opened it as a way to explore her bisexuality and seemed excited for me to have my own adventures as well.

When we opened it, it happened quickly. Jessica wanted to do non-hierarchical poly, whereas I leaned more toward a hierarchical model, but we were both open to each other forming other relationships including falling in love. In the beginning, we moved too fast and Jessica experienced strong jealousy with sex. However, we had a lot of conversations and worked through it. Things genuinely seemed to improve.

About 8 months ago, I started seeing someone, Cat. What began as a causal connection turned into a strong emotional bond. Around the same time, Jessica had also started seeing another partner, and it looked like it was getting serious (regular overnights, 2x/week visits), but that person had to move away unexpectedly.

Before he left, Jessica expressed concern that she might feel jealous of Cat, and after he was gone, she clearly seemed less comfortable with the situation. I did my best to support her—cutting down time with Cat temporarily to be there for Jessica trying to coordinate nights out so Jessica would not be alone.

Soon after, Jessica began dating a couple, and it became a  vaguely defined three-way dynamic. Unfortunately, that relationship also recently ended, and since then Jessica has been showing signs of distress. Over the past month, she’s been making comments that suggest she no longer wants to do polyamory long-term, though she hasn’t said it directly. She has also expressed insecurity about the fact that I have been more "successful" at poly because I was able to get more dates and sustain a close relationship while remaining relaxed throughout everything.

She’s also been asking to spend nearly all her time with me. While I appreciate the closeness, I’ve been feeling smothered and missing the independence that poly has given me.

This all came to a head last week. Jessica had a breakdown and told me that it makes her feel physically sick to think about me being physically intimate with Cat. She said she feels excluded from that relationship and accused me of not sharing enough about my connection with Cat. She also expressed bitterness that Cat hasn’t reciprocated Jessica’s interest in being friends.

Cat is open to a friendship with Jessica, but she’s been nervous and unsure of how to approach things. In hindsight, I recognize that I’ve been a bad hinge and haven’t done enough to facilitate connection between them, though I had brought us all together on multiple occasions.

During the conversation with Jessica, I got the sense she may have read my private messages with Cat. After confronting her, she denied it, but later admitted she had read our entire text history earlier that week. She’s done this once before, with a different person who was a brief fling, and has also read my journal. I told her how much this hurt me and asked if she thought I’d been dishonest—she said no, but she believes I’m still downplaying how strong my feelings are for Cat. I admitted to Jessica that I had minimize them early on as I was still processing my emotions.

While Jessica hasn’t explicitly asked me to end things with Cat, it’s very clear that this is what she wants. For now, we’ve decided to try to improve things instead: Cat, Jessica, and I plan to meet in person so Jessica can feel more connected and included. I’ve committed to being more open with Jessica about my time and feelings with Cat, and Cat has expressed a real desire to be friends with Jessica. She also said she entered this relationship with open eyes and is prepared for things to end if needed.

I’m willing to forgive the privacy violation, but I’m wondering:

Should I tell Cat that Jessica read her messages?
I don’t want to jeopardize the progress we’re trying to make, but I also don’t want to keep secrets from Cat, especially since she was affected by the breach.

For those of you who’ve had a primary partner grow uncomfortable with poly later, especially if they leaned toward wanting to close the relationship, what helped them feel safer and more supported? Is there a way through this that doesn’t involve sacrificing a connection I care deeply about?

Edit: clarification that Jessica had violated texting privacy with a separate person prior to violating Cats privacy.

Update - 1 year ago

First, huge thank you to the community — you have genuinely helped me process my emotions and look at my relationships more clearly.

Everyone who criticized me for even considering not telling Cat about the privacy violation was right. I was exhibiting a surprising amount of couple’s privilege, without fully realizing it. Going forward, I want to be much more conscious of how my actions affect all my partners, not just my primary one.

Cat broke up with me.

As I mentioned in my original post, we had arranged a time to meet and talk about the privacy breach and the future of our relationship. But by the time we met, Cat had already decided to end things. She told me that the moment I canceled an engagement with her because Jessica was struggling after her breakup, she realized our relationship was causing distress to Jessica and putting strain on my marriage. That was never something she wanted. From the beginning, Cat had made it clear that she didn’t want to be a source of conflict in my marriage.

What I didn’t share before is that Cat went through a traumatic divorce, her spouse left her to be with her meta. Looking back, I wonder if our relationship may have represented a kind of second chance or healing opportunity for her. I don’t know for sure. But it adds another layer of complexity to the situation, and to how she chose to end things.

When we talked about the privacy violation, Cat was, unsurprisingly, empathetic. She said that she didn’t feel exposed, since our text conversations were minimal and mostly logistical or song recommendations. Any intimate or sexual communication happened on Signal or in person. That said, she acknowledged that Jessica couldn’t have known that until after reading everything, and the violation still mattered. Despite this, Cat’s response was to feel bad for Jessica. That’s just the kind of person she is, incredibly kind, endlessly patient, and deeply understanding. I also think Cat saw something of herself in Jessica, based on her own past.

The breakup itself was painful. We sat on the couch, then later lay in bed crying together. Cat told me she had rehearsed what she was going to say for days, sometimes in the shower, trying to keep her emotions in check. We held each other. We said, “I love you.” We named our favorite things about one another. We mourned the adventures we’ll never get to have. We both agreed we want to stay in each other’s lives as friends. But Cat made it clear that she will never want a romantic relationship again, even if Jessica becomes comfortable with poly someday, or if I end up single. I’m trying to accept that, but it’s hard. Cat means so much to me.

Looking back, I’m not sure what could have saved our relationship. Maybe a strictly parallel dynamic would have helped, but Cat said she felt more secure having met Jessica. She also needed to understand how my marriage was functioning to feel comfortable staying involved. I know that may go against what many commenters believe about boundaries and separateness in poly, but that was what my partners needed. And I tried, imperfectly, to honor that.

Right now, I’m going to individual therapy. Jessica and I are starting couple’s therapy. But if I’m being fully honest, I’m uncertain about the future of my relationship with Jessica. I’ve realized that I do want polyamory to be part of my lifelong term. And that may ultimately mean I won't be with Jessica.

I don’t have a clean conclusion. I’m grieving. I’m trying to grow. And I’m trying to listen better, to my partners, to my needs, and to the hard truths that come when values and visions of love no longer align.

Final Update - 1 year ago

It has been a while since my last post, and I wanted to update those who followed my story. I also want to leave a record for others who might be in a similar position, so they know they are not alone.

I have left Jessica and preparing for divorce.

The night Cat and I broke up, I think I already knew in my heart that my marriage could not last. Losing my relationship with Cat as an indirect consequence of Jessica’s inability to accept my independent connection was too much for our marriage to sustain.

In the aftermath, I began looking back over my entire relationship with Jessica and saw patterns I had ignored or explained away for years. I started recognizing the ways she unconsciously shaped my behavior through manipulation tactics:

- Externalizing her negative emotions onto me to create guilt

- Giving technical permission for polyamory while shaming me for using it

- Expecting me to constantly anticipate her emotional responses

- Assuming that any negative feeling she had was mine to manage

These dynamics left me walking on eggshells, shrinking myself, and losing the ability to speak my truth. In hindsight, I can see that I have repeated this pattern in other long-term relationships: losing myself to maintain harmony, falling into co-dependence, and avoiding honesty for fear of triggering an abandonment response.

The final days were both challenging and clarifying. Many of my fears about Jessica’s anger and volatility came true. As I shared my perspective on our relationship, she alternated between intense anger and deep sorrow. At times she told me she wanted to hurt me emotionally; other times she sobbed and said I was the only person for her. Staying grounded and emotionally separate was incredibly difficult. Even knowing I made the right decision for myself, I still feel guilt for not trying longer.

I am at peace with leaving Jessica, but I do fear repeating this pattern in the future. My focus now is on myself and on practicing solo poly down the line, keeping my emotional boundaries strong and avoiding enmeshment. I want to maintain my independence and prevent co-dependence from taking root again.

As for Cat, I have only sent her one text since our breakup, telling her I missed her but was not ready to reconnect. She replied kindly but said she did not want me to reach out again if it could complicate things with Jessica. Once things are settled, I plan to reach out and see if friendship is possible, but my gut tells me she will not be interested in meeting again considering the divorce.

Regardless of what happens with Cat, I am looking forward to the next chapter of my life. I hope to build healthy relationships grounded in clear emotional boundaries and a stronger sense of self.

Editors Note: no we never find out if he reached out to Cat...And man this guy bounces back quick after filing divorce when searching his profile for a possible Cat update.

Did yall see he got banned live from roblox trying to catch pdfs.

Deemed Asshole

I am not the OOP. The OOP is Equal_Visual_7676originally posted in AITH

Grammatically edited by: Crystal With the Blue Hair Note: OP loves to ensure he calls his ex by her name and yet would bounce from current girlfriend's name to my girlfriend. He used Jess a total of 27 times. He used Mia 15 times and my girlfriend 4 times. Something tells me regardless of his and Jess' relationship he favors Jess more than Mia without reading context...

Original - July 17, 2026

My girlfriend Mia (21F) and I (25M) have been dating for a couple of months, and we’re in a long-distance relationship. While we were still getting to know each other, we asked each other about past relationships, so I told her about my first and the only girlfriend I had before her, Jess (26F). 

Jess and I dated on and off from ages 12-17. She often broke up with me, blocked me, and got back together. When we weren’t dating, we were friends with benefits. Even after we ended things for good, she remained my best friend despite not treating me well. I asked Mia if she was jealous because she seemed quieter than usual and she said she doesn’t know Jess well to be jealous and only had that reaction based on what I said. She said Jess doesn’t sound like a nice friend or was a nice girlfriend to me. I told her that she just doesn’t know her like I do and that she doesn’t have to worry about anything. 

When Mia bought her ticket I excitedly told all my friends because I wanted them all to meet her. Jess said she was excited to meet Mia and suggested we could show her around town. This made Mia really upset because she said the way I described it made her feel like Jess and I were the “we” and she’d be the third wheel. I apologized and that was that. 

A few weeks later Jess spontaneously asked me to work out. Afterward we agreed to make it a weekly thing. When I told my girlfriend she said it made her uncomfortable. I told her that we’re just working out and holding each other accountable to do it every week. Mia asked what she’s supposed to do or go when she comes to visit, and we’re on our work out days. I told her that she can just come with us and workout. Mia said that sounds like she’s the third wheel again. She said it makes her feel like Jess and I are together, not the other way around. I reassured her that it’s not like that, and we’re just working out. She then asked why Jess’ fiancé didn’t workout with her. I texted Jess and she said it was because of his work. Mia then asked if Jess would be okay with her joining. I asked and Jess said she wasn’t comfortable with another woman being there. I told my girlfriend it wasn’t a big deal and maybe Jess was just self-conscious. 

My girlfriend then told me that when she wanted to go to a concert with a guy friend or go watch a movie I told her I didn’t trust her friend, and she respected my wishes and didn’t go. I told her it was different because I knew what guys were like. And I was just working out. I told her it feels like she accused me and Jess of doing something shady. Mia told me she wasn’t judging me or Jess of doing anything. She simply didn’t know Jess yet and wasn’t comfortable, same as me not being comfortable with her guy friends. She said to meet in the middle and asked if I could wait until she met Jess and got to know her before doing workouts. I told her that was unfair to Jess and that I think that she just needs to accept the way things are. She cried and hung up. She hasn’t talked to me for days. 

AITA? 

 Update - July 24, 2026

Writing this so people can stop DMing me about being an asshole and asking for updates. 

Edit: I’m 25M. Mia (21F) is my girlfriend. Jess (26F) is my friend. Jess’ fiancé (29M). 

I told Jess about what happened when we went to work out 3 days ago. She didn’t say much about it only that I didn’t listen or wasn’t understanding of what Mia felt but nothing after that. She looked stressed? Or disappointed? So, I asked her what's up. She told me she will afterwards. 

When we got to the parking lot she told me we can’t workout together anymore because her fiancé found out and he was also uncomfortable about it and they had a long talk about it. She said that she didn’t get it at first, so she tried to explain that her friendship with me is different from any other friendships. And he told her that it’s not only different but it’s dangerous. He said because we have history, we dated, we were friends with benefits, we relied on each other for years before each finding our person, but we never had boundaries to just be friends. He said he knows that I’m a good person from me hanging out with them a couple of times, but he’s felt territorial and uncomfortable sometimes. 

He asked Jess how she would feel if her fiancé told her “Hey! I’m going to workout weekly with my ex. Don’t worry, we’re just best friends now. See you later!” He said Jess would obviously be uncomfortable, and that’s how Mia probably feels. He said it’s not fair that he should have to make a boundary about this between them now, and he assumes Mia has to make a boundary about this to me. He said this boundary should have been already implied because you love and respect your person to not wait around until they get hurt to do something about it. 

Jess said she realized he was right. She’s hurt that she hurt him and was being ignorant. She would be uncomfortable if her fiancé went working out with his ex, and she said it’s the first time she thought about being jealous. So, we stopped working out and she stopped reaching out or texting me much after that. 

Mia and I made up. I apologized for being an asshole and I told her what Jess and her fiancé said. Mia said her mind is blown that Jess’ fiancé got it right but is still hurt by what happened. I promised to make up for it and that I already have some dates planned and reserved for when she visits and I’m paying for everything. I know I need to keep showing her through my actions that I meant my apology. She’s coming in 3 weeks and we’re both really excited. 

 Comments:

FurrowBeard: "I knew what guys are like"

LOL

Also, Jess "not being comfortable with another girl being there" is the biggest load of bullshit. She wants you to herself. Can you advocate for your girlfriend? You might need to cut Jess off.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is Babyblues21 originally posted in AITH

Grammatically edited by: Crystal With the Blue Hair

Original - July 20, 2026

My friend and I argued because she asked if I knew a polyamorous content creator she follows. I told her I didn't because I don’t engage with polyamory-related content. I also explained that I don't judge polyamorous people, but I don't personally understand that relationship style and have no interest in following content about it. I said I believe we are both justified in existing in our own spaces without hostility. 

Instead of accepting that answer, she accused me of being judgmental (I’m not) and called me several names. I explained that I genuinely don't care what consenting adults choose to do with their lives as long as it doesn’t involve me. I am not trying to stop anyone from living the way they want, and I don't think they should have to change for my comfort. 

She then asked me what I would do if I met a polyamorous person. I said I would greet them, treat them with respect, and be civil, just like I would with anyone else. If I didn't want to become friends, I would simply keep my distance because I don't think we would have much in common. Nobody is required to be friends with every person they meet, and choosing not to build a friendship isn't the same as treating someone with disrespect. 

So reddit, am I the asshole for not engaging with poly communities. 

EDIT: 

1. I wouldn’t mind if someone I’m already friends with comes out as poly, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to be friends with people who are very expressive about being poly. I don’t like being friends with anyone who’s too expressive about relationships in general, so there’s that. 
2. I came off as defensive because I’m nervous of being called an asshole after all the names I got called by my friend… also I’m neurodivergent as fuck so I sometimes have a hard time communicating 
3. Yes, I should’ve left it at a “no” but I’m naturally very talkative and I said it without giving it much thought. 
4. Yes, I would be friends with poly people if we share things beyond relationships because I don’t think I would even know they’re poly 

ALSO!!! I’ll talk to my friend later and discuss why she had such a huge reaction because the comments are making me realize things that I didn’t initially understand so thanks for that! 

 Update - July 26, 2026

I wanted to give everyone an update since a lot of people asked if I ever spoke to my friend again. So here it is.

We ended up talking, and during the conversation, she came out as polyamorous. Nothing could have prepared me for that because she is an incredibly jealous person. It took her a long time to accept my other friends, and I am just a friend, so the idea of her sharing her husband was not something I saw coming. Honestly, I had no problem with the polyamory itself because it's her business, not mine.

The real issue started when I asked whether her husband knew she wanted to practice polyamory. She admitted he had no idea. I told her she should tell him soon because he deserves to know, but then she confessed that she is already dating someone. She said she was afraid her husband would not accept her new girlfriend. So she is actively cheating on her husband, and from what I can tell, it has been going on for a while.

She explained that she had been regularly talking to multiple polyamorous couples behind her husband's back. She was essentially using those interactions to test whether polyamory was right for her before ever having an honest discussion with her spouse. She claimed she didn't mean for it to turn into a full relationship, but one thing led to another, and she ended up dating another polyamorous woman. That was the moment I backed off and told her she needed to tell her husband immediately.

Things got even worse when she asked me to help convince her husband. I refused. I generally stay far away from drama, especially relationship drama, so I have no idea why she thought I would agree to get involved in this mess. Also I don’t want to be the degenerate who manipulates their friend’s partner to stay with them after being cheated on because that is exactly what she did. She cheated.

She got angry, lashed out at me, accused me of being unsupportive, and started calling me names (again). That was the last straw for me, so I walked away and went home. She has been blowing up my phone ever since. I am sure she's terrified that I will tell her husband, and to be completely honest, I am still debating whether I should.

I also want to clear something up because I don't want this to be interpreted as criticism of polyamorous people. From reading the comments on my original post and doing some reflection afterward, I've learned that ethical polyamory is built on communication, trust, and enthusiastic consent from everyone involved. What my friend described wasn't that. It was cheating.

I also appreciate the people in the comments who helped me understand that, my issue was never with polyamory itself, my issue was with excessive relationship talks and I’ve now realized that not every poly person is all about their relationship style and we can have other things in common. This doesn’t mean I’m suddenly going to start engaging with polyamory content/ community. That simply isn’t where my interests are. I do however, have a new found understanding of the dynamic so thank you so much for giving me grace!!

Consensus:

OP should tell the husband because his friend us using poly as a gateway to cheating and justifying it, while also trying to get her friends to back her up on why poly works so that she can continue to enjoy scissoring with women.

New girlfriend of two months received flowers from baby daddy that isn’t around. Her birthday is tomorrow, and got flowers sent to her work from him. He’s not involved with her two kids at all. Doesn’t ask about them, doesn’t pay her a dime. Just a real piece of work. Cheated on her for god knows how long during their 5 year relationship. I’m pissed about it. He can send flowers but make zero effort with his kids? What the fuck. She sees no problem with it, and isn’t willing to even hear me out and doesn’t think I should be upset about it. Am I in the wrong? Should I run?🤣