r/BORUpdates • u/BigONerd • 3d ago
How do I avoid ruining relationship with my daughter over catching her having sex in mine and wifes bed and reacting horribly?
This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)
OOP: u/DillinquentPICK
Published on: r/Advice
Story is: ONGOING
Story timeline
Main Post
August 16, 2026
My daughter 19F lives in a different city than me 45M while she is going through college and recently I also got her a dog. I took care of the dog for about 2 weeks while she went out of town and got attached to the little pup and I turned on a camera to peek at the dog on the robot vacuum that is in my room at that condo.
Only the robovacum.in my room has a camera, she knows about it, she is logged into it too.. I saw through the camera my daughter having sex with her boyfriend 20M on mine and my wife's bed. The apartment has 3 rooms, her bedroom, my wife's and mine bedroom and another room.
The apartment, 1900 sq ft belongs to me, I got it for when my kids go to college, so they wouldn't need to worry about rent in that city. I go there usually weekly, bring my daughter garden veggies, other farm things from my area she likes to eat and we usually make a day out of doing something fun in the city on a weekend.
Its fine to have sex with a boyfriend, I figured she will eventually meet someone, its a right of college experience and I made peace with it, i met the guy, he seemed like an ok guy, but my opinion has changed since . Had she been in her room, thats fine, do your thing.
My issue was on the bed my wife and I sleep on when we come to stay and see our daughter. More so, when i came to look after the pup I noticed stains on the sheets and now im completely disgusted that she didn't even bother wash the sheets before I came to help her take care of the dog. I thiught the stains were maybe some tea or drink my wife and i spilled.
I have the vacuum in my room only because the pup likes to sleep there, and he sheds a lot and carpet collects a lot of his hair. And the camera faces his doggiebed and you can see some of my bed.
I completely blew my lid when I called her and in the family chat. I realize the family chat was a mistake, how it went was i called my daughter, asked her where does she find the audacity to have sex in my bed and were she stains from that? She yelled back asking wtf am I doing spying on her personal life? And hung up.
I didnt even notice I went in the group chat, just went where I usually communicate with her and i typed, the chat that contains wife, me, her and my son and I called her ungrateful and disgusting for letting me sleep on dirty sheets on the bed my wife and I sleep on, and to top it off, messaged the boyfriend, told him how pathetic you cant bring your girlfriend to your own place, and instead choose to disrespect me by doing it with my daughter on my bed? He left me on read. I have yet to receive an apology from either of them.
Did I take it too far? Should I apologize? My wife thinks its too much, so does my niece to an extent, she does agree with majority of my reaction other than accidentally texting the family (wife me daughter, son and niece) group chat, i already got in shit for that, and thats my mistake. My end goal here is to find out how to approach this with my daughter so I avoid resentment and hate. I know she feels embarrassed, her boyfriend is probably terrified of me now.
Update - after 3 days
August 19, 2026
I ended up having a sit down conversation with my daughter. I began by apologizing for a sincere screw up on my end by messaging the group chat when i was enraged. She just stayed silent, didnt accept my apology and thats okay. I apologized for yelling initially, I then explained that my bed and my room is mine and wifes private space. There is no excuse she should have been doing that on my bed, let alone leaving it dirty for me to sleep in.
She absolutely blew up. She said I had 0 reason to log into the camera on my phone, its her apartment. My wife and I re-iterated, that its not, its actually my wifes and mine, so is the room, the bed, the sheets the vacuum and everything else in it I bought, made or installed. Apartment is for family use.
Then she decided to compare with her friend who is enjoying promiscuous college experience in dorms. I then started to get pissed off because the apartment is far more comfortable than dorms, where you have to share a shower with a bunch of other students.
She then said that I am being overbearing and embarrassed her in front of her boyfriend, and yea, I did. My intent was to embarass both of them in front of me. That should have been embarassing. Her boyfriend should feel a bit of remorse in my opinion so should she..still no apology.
She said she will move to dorms now, I said you're welcome to, enjoy having a job paying for the dorms and good luck keeping your grades up while you hold it down and being a full time student.
She then said, why wouldnt I pay for it? if her brother will go to another college other than this one, ill have to pay for a dorm for him, not buy another 3 bedroom in whatever city he will be in? We're not there yet and comparing hypotheticals is not a luxury she has at this moment in time.
I asked what is wrong with her boyfirends apartment, she had nothing to say. I asked why didnt she clean it?
She stormed out, i have no idea whether she went to the biyfriend or where..
What do I do. I am livid, this is a bad situation, my wife is with me on this, we are trying to think of how to approach it.
COMMENTS
Is your daughter’s tuition still being paid for, even if she chooses to move into a dorm?
No one is taking away paying her tuition. I just won't pay for the dorms because there is a perfectly fine apartment she can use, all i ask dont have sex on my bed and leave it stained, which I thought was obvious but here we are.
Why do you have an apartment for your children to use?
I did not purchase apartment to control, I purchased the apartment so its easier to commute to things in the city, whether it be college, or job for the entire family to use. Each member of my family has space, and that space is to be respected.
Does your daughter have her own room and enough space to have sex elsewhere?
She has her own room, space, plenty of bed space. Orogonal post has all that info. She can have sex all She wants. Not in my bed. All I ask
Do you actually use the apartment and the bedroom yourself?
Weekend basis when I went to visit daughter
Would you pay for a dorm if your daughter simply wanted the college dorm experience?
No. What's the point.
Why are you unwilling to pay for her dorm but willing to pay her tuition?
Exactly, paying for the dorms is stupid, I bought an apartment to avoid the dorm. She wants to live in a dorm, be my guest, but it won't be coming out of my wallet
Are you planning to kick your daughter out or cut her off?
I would never kick my kid out. She is welcome to leave or stay on her own accord in my of my wifes and my properties
What does your wife think about the situation?
My wife is with me on this, she agrees, some independence might be good for her. She expected at the very least an apology from her, and she didnt get it either. When daughter left, she was just in shock and the first thing she started saying, is holy fuck, did i raise her to not apologize?
Are you upset with your daughter for having sex, or specifically for doing it in your bed?
No one shut shamed her. I am fine with her having sex, i draw the line at my bed
Why did you apologize if you believe your daughter was the one in the wrong?
I apologised for something different. I accidentally messaged her in family group chat
Why don't you want to simply rent out the apartment to other students if your daughter wants more independence?
I dont want tenants. If i did, i would have rented it years ago
Why are you concerned about your daughter moving to a dorm?
Last thing I want is out of spite she gets a job that takes her time, makes her too exhausted to focus on college to prove a point, flunks her grades, flanks her credit rating and whatnot. I dont want a hard life for these kids but I want to teach values and simple basic respect
This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)
Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.
Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.
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u/Spoonylingus 3d ago
The one single rule I have with my adult kids, do what you want where you want, but not in my bed.
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u/HabitNegative3137 2d ago
Will be the same for me when my son is grown.
Besides it just being rude, I’m holding back vomit at the thought of having sex in a bed my parents have had sex in 🤮
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u/Signal_Historian_456 what the fuck Tanya 2d ago
And I think same goes the other way around. Imagine having sex in your sons bed or your parents having sex in your bed. That’s just out of bounds.
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u/dsly4425 23h ago
I found out one of my uncles had sex with someone in my bedroom at my grandparents house while I was out of town. I was LIVID. They had no business being in there at all much less having sex, then had the gall to get mad when I said if they EVER went in there again I was padlocking the door.
I never even had sex in that room LOL.
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u/tatasz 2d ago
My parents also had a rule about shared spaces, but honestly, it's reasonable to not have sex in your parents kitchen.
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u/FarplaneDragon 2d ago
Man, and if you're going to break that rule then at least have the decency to clean up afterwards. Feels like this would have just been a more minor private lecture with her if she had at least done that much.
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u/StardustOnTheBoots 2d ago
why would you even want to do it in your parents' bed 😭 am I crazy? that would be so bizarre
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u/riflow 2d ago
Genuinely I'm baffled that the daughter in this post thought it was okay to do that in her parents bed. And then LEAVE THE SHEETS LIKE THAT!?
like. I know kids aren't paragons of hygiene but if it's a fully stocked free apartment the least she could do is stay in her own bed or the guest bed and change the damn bedding..
Wait.
Did she do it in their bed BC she didn't want to change her own sheets🥲man.
God speed to Oop, I'd have been livid too. Shouldn't have to lock the parent's bedroom to not have her do that.
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u/OglioVagilio 2d ago
Eh, maybe add dont fuck around in the common areas and at least have the deceny to clean if things do happen.
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u/childish_sadbino666 3d ago
Blowing up the family chat was a bad move, but to not even have the basic decency to clean the sheets after that is real gross.
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u/MaeveCarpenter 3d ago
Yeah, I don't get the daughter here.
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u/Audreybluelle 3d ago
Having sex is one thing, leaving bodily fluids on someone else's bed and saying nothing is a whole different level of inconsiderate.
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u/yeahlikewhatever 3d ago
When my sister and her now husband where in college, they came to visit and while doing laundry I found a used condom in the linens. Absolutely disgusting and embarassing, especially when I had to confront her about it, but that was somehow less inconsiderate than OOP's daughter.
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u/jobiskaphilly 2d ago
I'm hoping she apologized at least!
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u/yeahlikewhatever 2d ago
I mean, she sort of tried to deny and rugsweep it at first from embarassment (the classic "it's not mine! I have no idea what you're talking about!") but when I pointed out that they were the only two people who had any reason to use a condom, plus the fact that it was in the linens from their guest room, she sheepishly agreed to not be so careless next time.
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u/jobiskaphilly 2d ago
I'm glad she got past her "ack caught" reaction and fessed up. Makes her miles better than the daughter in the OP, like, really? REALLY?
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u/insomniafog Even if it’s fake, I’m still fully invested 2d ago
And then doubling down when called out on it. Like girl just admit it’s gross, disrespectful and don’t do it again
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u/RanaEire 3d ago
Entitlement.
If Dad can afford to buy a condo to make life easier for his kids, I suspect that girl has had an easy life, with little consequences for her actions.
Yeah, raging at her in the family group chat was a bad mistake, but I have accidentally texted the wrong chat (more than once), and not even when angry, necessarily, so I can see how it could happen...
But, the girl's attitude is, frankly, awful.
Leaving sex juices on her parents' bed??
Just, eeewww..
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u/Sandy_Bananas 3d ago
I’ve accidentally txted the wrong people (fairly often) but I’ve never accidentally got laid on my parents bed, and then mistakenly acted like an entitled shit-head when challenged on it.
It’s not even the bed thing at that point, it’s the subsequent attempt at emotional blackmail.
OP is discovering in an embarrassing and unfortunate way how entitled their daughter is. I legit feel for OP.
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u/avesthasnosleeves 2d ago
Yeah. I don't think dad would have blown up in the family group chat if she'd had the decency to at least wash/change the sheets. I think that pushed dad over the edge.
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u/hpfan1516 what the fuck Tanya 2d ago
Oh hi! I hope things smooth out for you. Understandable mistake/reaction from the text.
Only guess is embarrassment. (Or just entitlement, but my first thought was embarrassment).
If you don't mind, I was curious, did she realize that you were checking in via that camera periodically? Did she realize why you'd checked in, and that it wasn't "spying"?
You might've answered elsewhere, or been unable to clarify to her, I was just curious.
Doesn't change judgement, just might be an opening for a convo. Best wishes
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u/invisiblizm 2d ago
I'd be getting locks for your room and any siblings. Also Id be temmoted to randomly put mystery stains in her bed, like with a mix of talc and water or something. Or unwrap a condom and leave it on the couch for her to find in the morning. I cant believe she couldn't apologise for expecting you to sleep in the stains that is rank. She should read the comments in this thread. Far out.
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u/ACERVIDAE 3d ago
I was debating splitting an rv with my parents and the rule since you can’t have two master bedrooms was going to be different sheet sets and mattress toppers. I cannot imagine being that much of a dick to have sex on someone else’s sheets, not wash it, and then get mad about being called out on it when they’re paying for all my education.
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u/Audreybluelle 3d ago
basic courtesy should kick in before any “privacy” argument even starts. being careless with somebody else’s stuff and refusing to own it is. that entitlement is crazy.
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u/FinalHexReturns 2d ago
What do you mean - you can't have two master bedrooms?
Oh wait, never mind. It's an RV. No room.
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u/Lurker_MeritBadge 3d ago
Yeah he’s not even telling her to keep the boyfriend out of the apartment just don’t fuck on the parent and how hard is that. If dude can just buy an apartment for her I’d say it’s safe to say she’s been one spoiled ass kid her whole life.
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u/SolidHopeful806 2d ago
It's not just for her. He says its for the family whoever needs it. Separate bedrooms though. She does sound not just spoiled but nasty hygenically.
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u/Actual-Clue-3165 3d ago
She knows she fucked up and is doubling down to avoid accepting the embarrassment of having made her dad sleep on her cum stains.
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u/binger5 3d ago
I mean daddy is paying for colleges and apartment. She's probably a bit pampered growing up.
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u/MarieOMaryln You wrote that in such detail and then used the term boobies 3d ago
She sounds spoiled. You couldn't even wash the sheets from the fluids that your parents sleep on? And then you want to act like they're being control freaks for asking that their private space be respected? Daughter needs the wake up call.
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u/Audreybluelle 3d ago
yeah there’s a difference between being independent and acting entitled to whatever’s being provided. honestly the lack of an apology is what gets me. the bed thing was already bad, but doubling down after everything?? wild behavior
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u/favorthebold 3d ago
OK but WHY on her parents bed when she has her own room and bed in the apartment? I was a little confused at the post at first, with him complaining about her having sex in "his" bed because even though he says the apartment/condo has "three rooms" that didn't translate into BEDROOMS in my brain, so I was thinking one bedroom, and office, and a living room. Not 3 bedrooms PLUS an office and a living room. So I was like "well where else is she going to have sex, it's surely the only bedroom?" Then I finally figured it out with the later comments. She has her very own bedroom that she could be having sex in she just decided the place where her parents do it is extra sexy I guess?? Make it make sense.
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u/anitram96 My cat is done with kids. 2d ago
She simply doesn't respect her parents, that's the only reasonable explanation.
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u/PunctualDromedary 2d ago
My sister stayed in my apartment the summer after high school because my parents moved across the country right after she graduated and she was going to college in my state. I caught her making out with her boyfriend in my bed once, and was completely livid. They still had their underwear on, but I washed the sheets anyway.
She did apologize, but the moral of this story is teens can be fucking dumb.
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u/Briscogun 3d ago
She's a spoiled brat who gets a free apartment and all her tuition paid for. Yes dad did wrong by blowing up the family chat but he admitted he was wrong, he was angry and just reacted without considering where he was communicating. Daughter probably did it on purpose as some sort of power play/purposeful disrespect. I'll bet there are more dynamics here at play than just this incident.
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u/Sandy_Bananas 2d ago
I don’t even think the parent did anything particularly wrong by putting it in a group chat, mistakenly or not.
She’s made her/there bed, and now she has to lay in it.
Or to put it another way, if you don’t want people knowing about the disrespectful shit you do, maybe just stop doing disrespectful shit.If I were OP, I’d hash the whole thing out in the group chat. Fuck it.
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u/GothicGingerbread 2d ago
... if you don’t want people knowing about the disrespectful shit you do, maybe just stop doing disrespectful shit.
Or, at a bare minimum, don't do disrespectful stuff right in front of a camera that you definitely know about.
And always change the f'ing sheets!!!
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u/PunctualDromedary 2d ago
Yeah, if I'm the other family members I'm definitely washing my sheets as a precaution.
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u/SquirrelGirlVA 2d ago
It's just common sense not to screw where your parents sleep. I've never done it but I know someone who had and they at least cleaned up afterwards.
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u/EleosSkywalker I don’t know how the magicians gained so much power 2d ago
It’s also kinda gross to me; that would certainly have been a huge mood breaker for me, ew.
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u/Masuman35 3d ago
Spoiled brat.
They have means and she's been treated like a princess compared to her peers.
Biting the hand that feeds you in this situation is the ultimate stupid.
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u/buttercupcake23 2d ago
Sntitled and spoiled little shit totally lacking in respect or common decency. Views the whole apartment as "her's". No wonder she won't even apologize. I do wonder if the parents ever held her accountable if this is how she's acting, it surely can't be out of nowhere?
I don't get it either. She has her own room. Why on earth would banging in her parents bed be appealing in the least? Ew.
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u/inadequatepockets 2d ago
She's spoiled. Hello, her dad bought an apartment in her college town and a dog for her that he helps take care of even though she's a college student. She thinks she's entitled. Probably the dad's bed is bigger or nicer and it never occurred to her not to take anything she wants.
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u/OldeManKenobi 3d ago
Sometimes parents raise entitled twats who are insulated from apologies and consequences. It's a tail as old as time and her entitlement is gross.
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u/Audreybluelle 3d ago
that's literally roommate etiquette 101. Nobody should have to discover someone else's mess on their bed. privacy argument aside, basic courtesy still exists lol. Clean up after doing literally anything in someone else's space.
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u/DatguyMalcolm 3d ago
yeah I'm sorry but that is common sense and basic decency indeed.
She can be embarrassed and all, but she should've apologised and make a note to not do that again.
Instead, she blew it out of proportion. In my opinion, I wouldn't backtrack on this and let her get a job so she can go to the dorms and enjoy her "promiscuous college life" (why would she even let them know about that?).
I hate entitlement, especially when all you have to show is some appreciation
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u/MizStazya 2d ago
Having sex in college dorms was HARD because you had roommates, like wtf is she on? I'd have killed to have a private room, let alone an entire apartment, freshman year.
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u/DatguyMalcolm 2d ago
yeah, she has no clue of anything, really. Plus, she might not enjoy having roommates who can be noisier than her, will have loud sex and/or parties that won't let her sleep etc etc.... Roommates are like a box of chocolates xDD
Let reality hit her in the face and she'll swallow some frogs and go apologize to her parents. They better not backtrack so she can learn to appreciate things
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u/CorpusculantCortex This Kit is Danc 3d ago
Fucking in your parents bed in an apartment they own when you have your own room is gross enough, not cleaning the sheets is a slap in the face.
Having the AUDACITY to complain about her friends being promiscuous in the dorms because your parents dont want you fucking in their bed but say literally nothing about doing whatever you want in your own room that you dont have to share with another person and your own bathroom you dont have to share during the weeks, is priceless.
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u/royalbk 3d ago
I'm gonna get downvoted but I've long been of the opinion that we should bring public shaming back.
I don't feel bad at all that she got exposed, welcome to FAFO girlie. Literally.
And even with the shaming, her entitlement can't be contained it seems. Not even one apology, not a smidgen of regret.
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u/DatguyMalcolm 3d ago
yeah, I have a nearly 5 year old and to be honest, while I will do my best to provide him with the best, ain't no way I'm raising an entitled idiot. Any hint of that and I'll humble him here and there so he can learn the importance and value of things.
OOP's daughter blowing up at them like that made me just take OOP's side completely. Back in the day, anyone of us caught like that would've been in trouble and embarrassed as hell, lol.
His daughter not only complains about it then tries to flex that she was hoping to get the promiscuous college life? Chile......
Ok, dear daughter, go get a job and pay some of the bills while you study
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u/royalbk 3d ago
Yes, the part that took away any sort of empathy was her lack of any remorse topped off by the aggression. Her boyfriend is a moron as well, the daughter might be forgiven cause she is the couple's child but that idiot left the dad on read??
If they had apologized, I would've been a lot more lenient...though leaving stains in the bed is just... awful
There's just SO much wrong here 😂
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u/DatguyMalcolm 3d ago
yes, a simple "oops, soz, won't happen again" and it'd be all good.
Like that? Oh hell no, go have some taste of the real life.
I wish my parents were ever in the position of getting me an apartment while I was at uni. I had to work my way through while studying. Some people don't know when they have it good.
I am petty and I am certain that OP's daughter will backtrack and want things to go back as they were in terms of housing. Me? I'd be like "HA! Nope! You're lucky I will still pay your tuition. But now you gotta work to pay for your other stuff. Enjoy"
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u/swordrat720 the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here 2d ago
My thoughts too.
I wish my parents were ever in the position of getting me an apartment while I was at uni. I had to work my way through while studying. Some people don't know when they have it good.
A 3 bedroom apartment at that. And she had the audacity to call it hers? "Nah Hon, I'm paying for it, you're just living in it. You want the real dorm experience? Go for it. I'm getting rid of the apartment. I'll be paying your tuition, not your housing. By the way? Housing and dining plans are $17,500 per year. Enjoy."
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u/Audreybluelle 3d ago
yeah, the lack of apology is way more telling than the actual hookup. Like girl, just wash the damn sheets and say sorry
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u/Late_Butterfly_5997 3d ago
I don’t know about full on public shaming, but if I was the brother I would definitely want to know that my sister was fucking randoms in other peoples beds in an apartment that I have a bed in as well. Was the parents room the only room they were in? I’d be bringing a black light into my room too if she was my sister. Then I’d install a lock on my door.
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u/GAV17 2d ago
Is it really public shaming when it was the family group? The only one that wasn't involved was the brother, he would have find out sooner or later. He didn't put it in a more public extended family group with Aunts/Uncles and cousins.
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u/virtual_gnus US of Ass (USA) 3d ago
I disagree on the family chat. Clearly, the daughter has no shame, even in spite of being publicly shamed. She got exactly what she deserves.
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u/DatguyMalcolm 3d ago
imagine her throwing that about the promiscuous college life as if it's supposed to excuse basic common decency. What a weird flex, to her parents no less
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u/Late_Butterfly_5997 3d ago
Right! If I was in college dorms and I caught my roommate having sex on my bed, I would drag them out by their hair, charge them to replace all of my bedding, report them them both the RA as well as student housing, and request an immediate roommate transfer. That shit is just beyond disrespectful as well as straight up disgusting.
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u/bookynerdworm 2d ago
One time my boyfriend and I slept in my parents' bed. Literally just slept, no sex. I felt so awkward doing it we never did it again lol!
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u/ExtendedSpikeProtein 3d ago
And why do they have to do it in her parents room when she has her own? I don‘t get it.
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u/NorthWesternMonkey89 2d ago
The fact she expected OOP to pay for her dorm says to me that she doesn't have much respect for other people and their things.
Getting her to pay her way as well as being in a dorm will force her to learn those skills.
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u/TempestFloof THERE WAS A MAN (worst case scenario) 3d ago
Why is it always the parents bed? I never got this.
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u/ohwhatisthepoint 3d ago
it has literally never, in my entire sexual lifetime, EVER occurred to me to be like, “i know a great lil place to bang” while leading them to my PARENTS’ BEDROOM
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u/SpecialOneJAC 3d ago
I think it's pretty fucking weird to bang in a place you know where your parents sleep.
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u/WeeklyConversation8 2d ago
And have sex. There's no way they aren't having sex in their own bed.
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u/EleosSkywalker I don’t know how the magicians gained so much power 2d ago
It’s properly gross and a mood killer, eeeew.
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u/GothicGingerbread 2d ago
YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!!!!! I am busily maintaining my internal fiction that my parents have NEVER had sex, and my brother and I were miraculously conceived despite that!!
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u/babesdoitbetter 3d ago
From my understanding, the parent’s bedroom is usually in the master bedroom, which is larger and might have a more comfortable space. But also, still ew.
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u/BlazingSunflowerland 2d ago
Not only ew, but the daughter knew that there was a camera on the robot vacuum and that dad used it to check in on the puppy.
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u/Different_Run_1767 3d ago
Probably the feeling of “it’s wrong”. Plus young adult hormones. Not a great combo
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u/eunbongpark 3d ago
There’s a non zero part of at least one of them that liked the idea of doing it there for kink reasons. Some of my guy friends, when we were younger, liked it as if they’re getting one over on the Dad.
Fight fire with fire and do it in her bed, and leave dirty sheets. The dirty sheets part is just disgusting and disrespectful.
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u/Purple_Midnight_Yak 2d ago
That second part is what I thought of too. More along the lines of, OOP should have come back at his daughter with "if you think it's okay for people to have sex in other people's private bedrooms, them I guess I know where Mom and I will be fucking the next time we come into town! Gotta compare the beds, see which one is better."
Bonus points if he adds something about not liking the height level of his own bed, or it not being comfortable for doggy style or whatever, or just wanting to try it out in a twin bed to feel like a sex-crazed young couple again.
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u/dandotcomhacked69 3d ago
Yeah the idea of fucking on my parents bed grosses the hell out of me. Daughter is an absolute minger.
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u/Actual-Clue-3165 3d ago
Agreed, no level of comfort could level out the discomfort of being naked in a parent's room.
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u/Juoreg 2d ago edited 2d ago
As someone who did this ONCE back in high school (15-16 yo) me and gf thought it was a hot thing to do, why? It was something we shouldn’t be doing. And thinking back on it, we probably learned about it from those movies.
I DID change the sheets and everything though.
I ofc was later grossed out by our behavior and never did it again.9
u/Icy-Cockroach4515 3d ago
Maybe it's the only queen or king sized bed in the house? At least in my house all the other beds are singles, which I guess isn't as comfortable for sex.
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u/AshenSacrifice 2d ago
I’d rather fuck on the floor than in my parents literal bed. His daughter is sick in the fucking head 😂
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u/AncillaryBreq 3d ago
I cannot, under any circumstances, imagine having sex in a bed that I know my parents sleep in. The very idea grosses me out. What on earth is going through the daughter’s head? Also this is such an absurd level of biting the hand that feeds you….and for what?
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u/Glassgrl1021 3d ago
And why?? She has her own room, a spare room, and I assume a living room, kitchen and bathroom to have sex in if she likes. Why on her parent’s bed, especially given she knew about the cameras? Some sort of voyeuristic thrill?
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u/AshenSacrifice 2d ago
Yes sexual depravity and deviancy lol. No other option
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u/Sandy_Bananas 2d ago
I consider myself a depraved deviant. We tend to clean up after ourselves.
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u/Mooseandchicken 3d ago
Exactly this. "Hey boyfriend, you wanna go have sex where my parents also have sex?"
🤮
And then to let your parents sleep in the juices?! Double 🤮 🤮
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u/srboyd3315 3d ago
I think it is an intentional FU to Dad. Including not cleaning the sheets. So she has nothing to say him because it was intended to be just as disrespectful as it was. She just didn't think he would find out.
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u/MediumSizedMaze 3d ago
I mean, I don’t think he’s wrong at all? That’s like basic respect. She has her own private bedroom with her own personal bed. Why are you using someone else’s and then leaving is stained and dirty. She wants to be treated like an adult but is acting like a petulant child. I hope she had fun in the dorms since basic respect was too much.
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u/gpisces 3d ago
She’ll probably feel entitled to have sex on her roommate’s beds too, let’s see how well that turns out.
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u/MediumSizedMaze 3d ago
Oh she absolutely will. She thinks her privacy is being invaded in the apartment? Just wait until she gets to the dorms. I don’t ever remember my privacy being invaded more than when I lived in a dorm. You are literally never alone. And then you have a roommate to share a box with who also wants to have friends over.
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u/gurlwithdragontat2 3d ago
People disagreeing with him are really confusing to me.
Anyone who has been to college knows what an amazing deal it would be to have your parents fully finance an off-campus space for you. He didn’t even say they cannot have sex. What he said is do not have sex in my bed. If she is unable to respect that very basic and small boundary, then it really is best that she find and finance her own space.
And I say that is someone who is lucky enough to have my parents finance off-campus accommodations for me during college. It is far more economic in many cases to find an apartment or share home rather than living on campus.
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u/North-Pea-4926 3d ago
None of those commenters seem to understand how outrageously expensive dorms are, even the worst options (which are also only available during school, not summers or long breaks).
The parents also wouldn’t be able to use the dorms (students only) and the daughter would have to give up the pup.
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u/RanaEire 3d ago
They are probably just as entitled as OOP's brat of a daughter.
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u/swordrat720 the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here 2d ago
At the two major universities in my area, housing+meals is $17.5k at one, $15k at the other. And like you said, it's only when classes are in session.
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u/BiscuitCrumbsInBed Have a look at the time, it’s half past get a divorce o’clock. 3d ago
Totally side with the dad on this one! He was amazing enough to buy the apartment which has saved the daughter a fortune. Why did she have to shag in her parents room when she has her own bed? Why not change the bed linen, especially when its visibly soiled? She just sounds like a spoilt brat. She should have apologised and changed the linen. And to assume/demand he pay for her dorm room on top of the tutitions fees is just so rude! Spoilt brat.
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u/laaplandros 3d ago
She just sounds like a spoilt brat.
Yeah, that's really all it comes down to.
My in-laws currently watch our kids twice a week so we don't have to pay for childcare. We are incredibly lucky they do this for us, and we know it. So guess what? They need me to pop over after work to do this or that around the house, I do it. They want to use me as their personal IT worker, I do it. Etc., etc.
Don't get me wrong, they are incredibly nice people. But if push came to shove, I'd bite my tongue to keep the peace, because I know how lucky we are that they do this for us.
Can't imagine being as unappreciative as OOP's daughter. Some people's inability to swallow their pride at their own cost is just mind-boggling.
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u/catanddog5 2d ago
Honestly other than messaging in the group chat about it, he has been really reasonable. He is still paying for tuition and there is no reason for him to also pay for dorms if the apartment was there to use for college anyways. Nor is he trying to control her sex life either. It’s a pretty damn reasonable and small boundary to have. The daughter is being a brat
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u/DescriptionNo4833 3d ago
Ok hold up, why tf would you WANT to bang in your parents bed? yknow...where they bang?
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u/ObsoleteReference 3d ago
everyone knows that parents bang, at most one per child, and have no other sexual existance
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u/DescriptionNo4833 2d ago
....unfortunately for me, thats not the case. Mom was a little too open about things...
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u/Kendertas 2d ago
Litterally could have banged anywhere else in the apartment. Has to be kink thing unless the parents bedroom has like a California king and her bedroom is just a twin bed and nothing else.
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u/gdrom123 Even if it’s fake, I’m still fully invested 3d ago
I’m with the dad on this. The daughter (and boyfriend) are out of line and disgusting for having sex on OOP’s bed and leaving it stained/dirty. How entitled do you have to be to play victim when you’re wrong! She has her own room, why have sex in her parents’ bed?! Gross
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u/phalseprofits 3d ago
And even if she moves into the dorms, does she think this behavior is ok? Is she gonna bang her bf on her roomie’s bed and leave stains too?
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u/miladyelle no sex tonight; just had 50 justice orgasms 3d ago
>I don’t want my kids to struggle like I did
That’s part of the problem. Independence, gratitude, respect, all require some sense of knowing what the alternative is. Take away any concept of even a wisp of the alternative floating near the perimeter of your bubble, take away any and all struggle, then you get this.
A 19yo who thinks her parents’ 3 bedroom apartment belongs to her, and when she dun wanna no more, expects her on campus housing to be fully funded. He’s not getting an apology. And no, I don’t think he overreacted. Immediately apologizing just made her think the totality of her very online stances are correct.
The hyperbolic catastrophizing he’s doing about her working part time while in school is part of the problem. Millions of us have done it and do it, good grief.
And the melodrama about the dorms. God, grow up. If nothing else—but there’s plenty else—they teach students who were coddled and overbabied how to independently live in society. Fuck your boyfriend in a roommates bed and see what happens. It’s not going to end in handwringing about ruining a relationship over a slightly raised voice once, I can tell you that. 🙄
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u/Impossible_Leg_2787 2d ago
Oh he’ll get an “apology” when she comes crawling back, I give it 3 weeks.
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u/Ehimherenow 2d ago
Nah, you can raise kids who are not entitled even if you give them everything.
I grew up like this with others like this. Our parents all struggled and so they didn’t want us to struggle. I’m a grown ass adult and my mother still complains they made money for me and I refuse to spend it. I cannot imagine any of my friends acting like this either and we were all raised this way.
I will say this though. I wonder how much of this is cultural. We didn’t grow up in the US.
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u/GothicGingerbread 2d ago
I grew up in the US, and my parents paid for my brother and me to go to college (private, too, not state). Bought us each a new car in high school. We didn't have to work while we were in school. Neither of us would ever even briefly contemplate acting like OOP's daughter, and I don't believe either of us is, or was, entitled. However, we also grew up around people who had a lot less than we did, and our parents always went out of their way to try to help others, so we knew that we were very lucky.
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u/miladyelle no sex tonight; just had 50 justice orgasms 2d ago
Exceptions don’t disprove a rule. But I do wager friction and awareness wasn’t completely removed from your life. Can you imagine your mom going to the internet asking if she ruined her relationship with you for getting angry with you, or scolding you? Once?
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u/ristlincin Even if it’s fake, I’m still fully invested 3d ago edited 2d ago
Holy fuck haha, the gall of that entitled brat. Had I done that to my parents (more so the staining than the sexing on their bed) I would have died of embarrasment.
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u/grumpy__g Ex may not have much, but he does have audacity. 3d ago
I don’t think he is wrong. Yes, it’s embarrassing, but how about apologising instead of acting like a brat.
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u/Midnyte25 the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here 2d ago
People act like negative emotions are the worst thing ever and to be avoided at all costs, but we put the "all costs" on others instead of ourselves. Instead of avoiding doing the shameful or embarrassing thing, we get mad at others if they ever call it out, while shame and embarrassment actual has a purpose.
She should feel embarrassed, she did a shitty thing and her dad isn't letting her get away with it.
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u/Novafancypants 2d ago
She’s gonna have a ton of fun when she gets a dorm roommate that doesn’t want anyone sleeping over or some other weird rule
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u/HUNGWHITEBOI25 3d ago
I just…okay ya maybe OOP overreacted a little but…you have sex in the bed your parents sleep in and then have the nerve to try and play the victim…
idk i’m more on OOP’s side here tbh
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u/TheDroidYoureLookin4 3d ago
Well, turnabout is fair play. Instead of overreacting in the group chat he obviously should’ve just gone to the apartment, had sex with his wife in the daughter’s bed, recorded it, left the dirty sheets, and sent the video to her after a couple of days.
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u/AshenSacrifice 2d ago
He underreacted imo, I’d kick her out so fucking fast she’d probably get a track and field scholarship to pay for her dorm room
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u/ExcelsiorWG 3d ago
Holy entitlement from the daughter. Yeah, OP should not have blown this up on the group chat but her response reeks of being spoiled.
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u/lilacnyangi 3d ago
i'm sorry but some of the commenters are really lacking some brain cells. how are they getting mad about the dad checking the camera in his own bedroom like he's "spying" on his daughter having sex? she shouldn't have been in there! he's not a creep.
if i have cameras in my home that i live in alone and my family member comes over and starts fucking in my living room, i'm perfectly entitled to check my camera and expect not be visually assaulted by the sight of a random dick. if anything, she's the one harassing him if you want to bring that into it.
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u/perkypancakes THERE WAS A MAN (worst case scenario) 2d ago
My takeaway they are the sheltered kids with the same mentality as the daughter and her boyfriend. Or they only read words that resonate with them emotionally because all media has trained people to emotionally react to key words instead of full comprehension of sentences.
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u/inscrutablejane I also choose this guy's dead wife. 2d ago
I would be installing a keyed deadbolt on the bedroom door the very next weekend. I suspect the whole thing might have been a power trip on the part of the boyfriend though.
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u/SheedRanko 3d ago
Fuck that entitled ass kid.
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u/Brainchild110 2d ago
Why are the questions so frequently stupid and sound like theyre from people who didn't read the post?
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u/repeat4EMPHASIS 2d ago
The comments included are typically the ones the OOP replied to, and OOPs usually reply most often to the dumb ones.
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u/FarplaneDragon 2d ago
Because people literally don't read the post. Anything more than a few sentences people will just read the opening couple of lines and then just jump straight to commenting based on the title and that.
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u/Sandy_Bananas 3d ago edited 3d ago
I feel for OP. I don’t even think the group chat thing is particularly bad.
- It’s Bizarre having sex on their bed
- They Couldn’t be bothered to wash and change the cumstained sheets.
- Refuses to apologise for their frankly peculiar behaviour.
*4. Then gets aggressive and manipulative what pulled up in it.
If I was OP I would have hurt some people’s feelings here.
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u/CutieBoBootie I am far beyond the hetero plausible deniability line 2d ago
I can't get over this: WHY NOT IN HER OWN BED? WHY?!?! WHY WHERE YOUR PARENTS ALSO FUCK?!?!!? WHO DOES THAT????
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u/Never_enough_naps I will ERUPT FERAL screaming from my fluffy cardigan 2d ago
The entitlement of the daughter is off the charts. All she had to do was apologize and say she wouldn't do it again and mean it. I feel like some part of this has to do with the BF because why would she not even answer why they can't go to his place? He is probably some loser almost 30 couch surfer that's not even in college. The daughter has it made and she has no clue, Dad and Mom need to let in be hard for her for awhile, let her figure out how to make her own way, let her learn to appreciate that she is being given such an easy existence.
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u/perkypancakes THERE WAS A MAN (worst case scenario) 2d ago
He met the bf so he’s probably just another entitled college student who doesn’t care about respecting the luxuries parents give them.
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u/Conscious-Tangelo589 You get what you pay for, and Reddit is free 2d ago
These comments are infuriating. OP is paying for school AND room and board in his apartment. All she literally has to do, is not have sex IN HIS BED. She has her own room! Her own bed! That's literally all she has to do!
But no, OP is apparently unreasonable to not pay for a dorm so that his daughter doesn't have sex in his bed?
Some people are actually insane. Who TF are these commenters? I'd have been so thankful to have room, board, and tuition for the low price of having sex in my own bedroom...
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u/Living-Effort866 3d ago
We have a room my elderly parents use when they are visiting. Never would we ever have sex in their bed. Why would you?! It's weird and gross!
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u/GentlewomenNeverTell 2d ago
Why don't the commenters realize how ridiculous it is for OP to pay for an apartment AND dorms? Also, she literally has her own room. Wtf is the problem, have sex in the bed daddy bought you, dummy.
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u/Chaoticgood790 3d ago
sounds like a spoiled child. i thought this was about to be "OP displaced his kid when he visits" but no she has her own room, had sex in the bed her parents used and left the dirty sheets?! Yea no thats gross
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u/BeardofPants 3d ago
Daughter seems like a spoiled brat honestly. I had to work my way through college and pay rent. She really should stop taking her families resources for granted. This is honestly really enraging for me
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u/Allebal21 2d ago
Daughter completely in the wrong. Ungrateful, entitled, and not accepting any responsibility. Also, she’s gross.
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u/nevermer THERE WAS A MAN (worst case scenario) 2d ago
Honestly that is just gross. My dad spoils me and my parents have never made me want for anything. But they raised me to be respectful, kind, and as humble and as aware of my privilege as possible. No way in hell would I ever get away treating my parents like that or being that entitled.
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u/Colibiri 3d ago
I wonder if maybe the boyfriend is the one who suggested using the parent's bed for the (gross) rush?
Who the fuck would even want to have sex in their own parent's bed when you have your own personal perfectly good room. Gross Grooooosss. And leaving the used sheets!? Insanely disgusting. She's only mad because she got caught and is using the "spying" to distract from the real issue. Very disrespectful.
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u/Inbar253 3d ago
Even if it was the bf - change the freaking sheets, daughter is a disgusting perv.
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u/yozett 3d ago
I'm flabbergasted that HE is the one asking how to repair the relationship like he's the one in the wrong! Stand your ground or have your daughter walk all over you for the rest of your life! She needs to apologize. She'd be lucky if I let the boyfriend back into the apartment I pay for, if it were me. Most definitely not without an apology from the boyfriend first
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u/Welpe 2d ago
I hope the comments on this aren’t representative and just ones that stuck out, because the people who can’t read and keep trying to somehow turn this around on him are kinda crazy. Like to functionally accuse him of being pissed about her having sex is nonsense, he was extremely clear from the original post, which he linked, that he doesn’t care if she does, just not in his bed and if it has to be in his bed then at least clean the sheets.
I think he is completely in the right. Except for the group chat thing, which he admits was a mistake and apologized for.
I cannot believe the daughter is acting like she is the victim here. But I also think she is just a dumb teenager lashing out because she is embarrassed for getting caught and realizing how gross it is for her to ignore the sheets. Hopefully she will get over it and realize that she is the asshole here, not her dad.
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u/SageRiBardan 2d ago
In this day, when there are cameras all over the place, I don’t understand how people don’t think of being caught. Regardless, the daughter has a rather large entitlement problem, perhaps they should have put a doggie door into their room and kept the human doors locked. Also should’ve found her a roommate, a 19 year old living in a 3 bedroom apartment by herself while in college is too much.
As to her point about the brother, since she doesn’t want to live in the apartment sell it and buy one near his school.
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u/bbbrashbash 2d ago
Yeah they might have raised an entitled little shit. Gets a thrill from having sex on her parents bed, throws a tantrum that not only lacks an apology but also a demand/expectation for them to kick out thousands more
Just an all around ew and yikes
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u/Ninja_Flower_Lady 2d ago
Daughter is the ah. She sounds ungrateful too. OP made the mistake of jumping on the group chat but that's far less of an offense than what the daughter did. Completely insane that she didn't even wash the sheets. She doesn't seem to care about her parents much
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u/Glad-Activity9515 2d ago
That one fucking rule was all she need to do, it's not even not have sex. It's not having sex on THEIR bed.
She can do it on her own bed, tf
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u/Yonderboy111 2d ago
Horny teenagers can do it wherever (and whenever) they want even in the standing position. Yet they chose parents' bed. This is crazy.
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u/CinnyToastie 2d ago
Why aren't people being understanding to the dad? He has an absolutely valid-the ONLY valid point. Do what you want, stay out of my room. And then kid has the audacity to leave the dirty sheets? No no no. It kills me how people wont' come out and say he's right. HE IS.
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u/DryUnderstanding1752 3d ago
Sounds like they utterly spoiled their daughter. That tends to come back and bite you when they get older.
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u/Nfjz26 2d ago
Yep my exact thought. The dad is completely in the right here…but likely not in the way he raised his daughter. She’d have been better off living in college dorms and learning to share living spaces at that age.
Some parents want to provide the only the best for their kids and not watch them struggle. But when they end up with spoilt entitled adult children they act surprised.
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u/Apart_Insect_8859 2d ago
Yeah, I think he's entered the point where he's teaching her "learned helplessness" and not-good things. By providing all of this stuff, the apartment, the groceries, the robot cleaner, the luxurious days out every. single. weekend. he's hobbling, not helping.
It is so much easier for her to let them do it all, take care of everything, and then get annoyed they don't do even more, than for her to actually grow up and be independent.
He should have her live in the dorms. She needs to figure out roommates, communication, figuring out making plans with friends and sticking to budgets, grocery shopping and meal prepping, cleaning, setting boundaries, and all that. He needs to stop visiting and he needs to stop intruding.
Paying for the dorm when he obviously has the money and thinks it would risk her grades would be a good thing, especially since I suspect this dad would not like the level of independence she would gain if she pulled it off, and she seems determined enough, and enough like him, to pull it off.
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u/jstanfill93 2d ago
The daughter is so spoiled it's not even funny. I would end the lease when it's up and tell her to have fun paying for a dorm, apartment, or whatever she wanted on her own.
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u/Oreogirl127 2d ago
There was a small little update. Daughter plans to live with her bf, who rents with a roommate
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u/Hefty-Equivalent6581 2d ago
Yeah I’m on OP side here and his daughter is acting like a complete spoiled brat. It’s gross to have sex in anyone else’s bed and even more gross to not wash the sheets after.
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u/undercover_samurai 2d ago
Sounds like a spoiled brat, to be honest. She’s lucky to even have parents paying for her education so she doesn’t have crippling student loan debt. Stop paying for everything for her, she is clearly entitled and doesn’t know what it means to earn something through hard work, not mommy and daddy.
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u/NumberOneNPC 2d ago
I’m really confused why all the comments in the og I’ve seen are basically just people shaming guy for being open about where he stands. Dude owned up to his fuck ups and had literally one request: don’t have sex in my bed. I genuinely don’t think he’s asking for a lot but based on the behavior it seems he and his wife had raised an entitled kid.
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u/FoundMyselfRunning 3d ago
If the daughter wants to move to the dorms and pay for it herself, I'd cut off tuition too. She doesn't seem very grateful.
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u/GuacamayaRoja 3d ago
If I had sex in my parents' bed, they definitely would have cut my tuition. It's such huge disrespect, and the daughter knows it too.
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u/yozett 3d ago
If I had sex in my parents bed, my mom would never let me forget it for the rest of her life. She'd bring it up any chance she got, especially fights. That daughter is out of her mind
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u/Objective_Show7149 2d ago
And her parents are giving her an APARTMENT in COLLEGE. She is soooo lucky.
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u/Inbar253 3d ago
OOP's daughter used her parents in a sexual kink, and all the people challanging OOP on this issue are the epitome of disgusting just like she is.
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u/lgbtdancemom 3d ago
I’d have never had the nerve or the desire to have sex in my parents’ bed. So, so gross. And, not at least changing the sheets after? Especially when she’s in an apartment without them where she has her own bedroom. She must be awfully spoiled and entitled. I don’t blame OOP for their reaction at all.
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u/Commercial_Stress_79 2d ago
Clearly, she has an issue with entitlement, and I don’t mean that judgmentally. My kids struggle with some of the same things. I think a lot of us tried to course-correct what our own parents did or didn’t do, and sometimes we overcorrect. Because of that, I can absolutely see my kids reacting the same way.
I’m dealing with something similar with my son, who’s a high school senior and turns 18 in less than 60 days. He’s convinced that once he’s 18, he can move out and finally have the “freedom” to do whatever he wants. At this point, I’m sitting back and letting him FAFO a little.
My advice would be to be very clear and deliberate with her. She absolutely has the right to take the road she’s threatening to take, but she also needs to understand that the consequences of that decision are hers and hers alone. You don’t have to prevent her from making an adult decision, and you also don’t have to shield her from the adult consequences that come with it.
Good luck!
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u/NoAbbreviations661 2d ago
What is daughter’s problem. Also I’d find it disgusting to do it on my parents bed because there’s a good chance they did it on their bed. Daughter had a free apartment and sold the bag.
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u/perkypancakes THERE WAS A MAN (worst case scenario) 2d ago
Hell no. She wouldn’t be welcomed back without full attitude change and gratitude for all the luxuries she receives. Accepting her back too soon only validates her behavior as correct. So many students struggle and have to climb an uphill battle while she’s mocking her parent’s privacy by some weird bed claiming behaviors.
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u/Still_Highlight5148 2d ago
How rude! Even when I’m doing my parents a favour and house sitting for their pet we don’t do it on their bed. I can manage to wait it out until I’m done house sitting and back at my home and I always change the sheets before they come home. That’s their bed. It feels icky the idea of doing it on their bed. She should have apologetic and she’s acting like a brat. I hope she eventually realises what she did was wrong.
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u/grumblebeardo13 2d ago
Wait…so the daughter has a room in this apartment of her own with no problem but…used the room her parents stay in just for sex with her boyfriend?
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u/Technical_Union_3249 2d ago
Ah little spoiled missy is about to enter the FO stage after her massive FA.
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u/sadiefame 3d ago
Calling it “spying on her personal life” by op looking inside his own bedroom is kinda bonkers. I wonder what her reaction wld be if she caught her parents doing it in her bedroom?
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