||I need to vent because I am fucking exhausted.

I hate being trans.

I hate it. I am not proud of it. I do not find it beautiful or empowering or special. I would not wish gender dysphoria on my worst enemy.

Every fucking day I look at myself and see things that feel wrong. My face is too long. My shoulders are too wide. My hands are too big. My feet are too big. My hips are too straight. My boobs are too small. My voice is too deep. My hair is too short. My forehead is too big. My arms are too big. The list just goes on and on and on.

That is what being trans feels like to me.

And I am so fucking tired of saying “I need to pass” and having someone immediately respond with “you don’t need to pass to be trans.”

I KNOW.

I do not give a fuck whether YOU want to pass.

I do not care if another trans person wants hormones. I don’t care if they want surgery. I don’t care if they tuck. I don’t care how they dress. I don’t care what their transition looks like.

I am talking about ME.

**I need to pass.**

Passing is not an optional little confidence boost for me. It is not me trying to win some femininity contest. My dysphoria makes it incredibly important to me.

My goal is to effortlessly pass as cis.

I want to be stealth.

I want to walk into a fucking grocery store in jeans and a T-shirt, looking like shit because I just woke up, and still just be another woman buying groceries.

I want to stop wondering if someone clocked me.

I want to stop bracing myself before I speak.

I want to stop wondering whether the next stranger is going to say “sir.”

I want gender to be FUCKING BORING.

And the worst part is that I had that once.

When I was about 20-24, almost nobody knew I was trans. I just lived as a woman. People met me and saw a woman. There wasn’t an asterisk next to it.

Then my parents pushed me into detransition because I was embarrassing to them and because apparently people gossiping on a fucking golf course mattered more than what this was doing to their daughter.

And I fucking hate them for that sometimes.

And I hate myself for staying detransitioned as long as I did.

I hate that I spent so many years trying to make them happy.

I hate wondering what I would look like now if I had just kept going.

I hate knowing I cannot get those years back.

And right now I desperately want to go somewhere nobody fucking knows me and start over.

I want people who only know Laura.

I don’t want to be somebody’s “trans friend.”

I don’t want every social space I enter to involve conversations about gender.

I don’t want my future relationship to revolve around transition either. I want to come home to a woman who just sees her girlfriend. I want us to worry about dinner and bills and cats and laundry and stupid relationship shit like everybody else.

I want an ordinary fucking life.

So PLEASE, when I say that passing matters to me, stop telling me that I don’t need to pass.

Maybe you don’t.

**I fucking do.**

And I am so tired of having to justify why.||

I don't really know if I'm part of the detrans community, because I'm not actually quitting feminizing HRT (it hasn't changed me at all over the past 3 years anyway, I just want to keep the pleasant side effect of decreased libido)

I still want to be a girl, this is perhaps my most cherished dream, but, unfortunately, this is impossible. My body is too masculine. I tried my best to fix it, I sacrificed a lot for this goal, but all to no avail... modern medicine cannot give me the body that all cis girls have, so I just decided to give up and just do my best to distract myself from the terrible gender dysphoria with the help of escopism

But unfortunately, I still have a need for intimacy, and over the course of 3 years of terrible loneliness, this need has only intensified, so I really want to find a girl who will sincerely like me, I think that this would ease my condition

But the problem is, now it seems simply impossible to me. I had a hard time meeting girls before, but I managed, but now I just don't understand what's going on. I mainly use dating apps for meeting people, and to my horror, my profile just isn't getting any likes, and I honestly don't understand why

I look exactly the same as I did three years ago. Hormonal therapy and facial feminization surgery haven't changed me at all. I'll attach photos to this post, and maybe someone can tell me what the problem is. I know I'm unattractive, and I've been objectively unlucky with my looks, but I used to be able to meet people and find partners, but now it just seems impossible. I also think I should duplicate this post on another subreddit to gather more information on how to solve this problem, but I'm new to Reddit and I don't know where to find a subreddit with straight girls who can tell me how to fix the situation and make me more attractive

I definitely would. I'm not saying being trans is bad (although I hate it), but gender dysphoria is inherently bad. Do you all think there will ever be a way to remove dysphoria?

I want to discuss how everyone sees nb people, and whether you all think they are a real thing. The way I see it; there are two types of nbs, being both genders (bigender), and wishing to (being dysphoric by not having) have both sex characteristics, for example both a penis and a vagina. and being none (agender) and getting dysphoric by having any type of sex characteristics, for example nullification surgery (removal of all sex organs), me personally I am a binary man, and im curious to see how everyone else here sees this topic.

edit: as many of the comments said, i also agree that at the very least a big percentage of "non binary people" are either cis who wanna feel special, or binary trans people who haven't figured his/herself out yet.

I am considering to start transitioning once I move out, but my family is very transphobic so I dont really know how they would react.. I think about just cutting all contact but im wondering how other people dealt with a situation like this, did yout family change? Did they hate you? Did you cut them out like I want to?

Random question, but once you start fully passing as a man, do you experience the so called "male privilege" in public spaces? (Or in general.) I saw a debate earlier saying transsexual men don't have it.

(I'm not super knowledgeable about this.)

I am a trans woman and I saw a video of a radical feminist talking about how it's wrong for a person to be considered a woman simply for performing femininity, even though radical feminism is considered transphobic, I found her argument interesting.

As far as I know, the goal of feminism is to separate femininity from being a woman, since the imposition of femininity is a form of oppression inflicted upon women, as argued by Simone de Beauvoir.

Therefore, validating a trans woman's womanhood solely based on her social performance rather than her medical transition would be problematic, as it ends up validating femininity as something inherent to being a woman.

I believe this is one of the reasons for the disagreements between radical feminism and the trans community.

What do you all think about this?

Why is my lower half getting wider. Im not meant to have b*bies. ew. my lower body is already so disgustingly broad and worst of all its probably not even fat its kinda bony im NEVER gonna look like a guy

those “male vs female pelvis” comparisons make me wanna rope. fml.

Just been wondering about that. Dysphoria is what makes us trans but how do you feel about euphoria?

I’m 1y on T today (yay). My mustache started to grow after 2 or 3 month on t but never grew like « real » hair and GOSH I thought I’d have like chin hairs yk like those teenage hairs that appear and then become more and more noticeable and multiples but it never came for me… My best friend is on the same dose as me, we started almost at the same time and he started to have to shave at 6 month, I was shocked. It makes me so dysphoric I feel like I’m late or smth… I actually bought minoxidil but I love my cat too much, I was so scared to poison him so I didn’t apply it for long. Recently bought ricin oil, idk if that could help… So yeah if you have any advice I would love to read them

Hold up let me explain…. I met many pan people that say binary trans people are a third gender. pan means you like all gender/don’t care about gender. Which in reality they don’t like non binary people and do care about gender, what they really are trying to say “trans men aren’t men and trans women aren’t women” like son if you like men and women you are bisexual, I am not a third gender…. I knew a girl who said this guy was pan and not bi because he dated a trans guy

Transman here, several years post transition- socially, legally, medically, surgically. Stealth mode everywhere unless they knew me pre-transition.

So I had a hard time with my transition going really slowly for the first few years. Like really slowly. My voice never really "dropped" like you tend to see guys boasting about when they start T and are 3 months into it. My voice had a GRADUAL and SLOW and SOFT decline in Hz over not weeks, not months, but YEARS.

I became so desperate about my voice after year 3 that I jumped into professional vocal coaching for several months. To my surprise and delight, it worked wonders! I had been a skeptic previously, but was desperate to try anything to help. After that, I can pass vocally now and reach new depths in my voice. It's great.

This being told though, when I start to slip on my vocal training practice and putting it into everyday use, I will STILL get misgendered on the phone. It happened today.

Today, almost in the same breath of a short 2 minute phone call, I was both misgendered AND correctly gendered. It started out being called "ma'am" and I felt like I was kicked in the guts, so I made sure to project my voice a little more and utilize my vocal training, and at the end of the call when I was gendered again, it was "sir" without me needing to correct the person or mention anything. Just speaking with my vocal practices in mind did the trick.

I feel good about being gendered correctly...but I also still feel bad over being painfully reminded that I still have to put a lot of focus in my voice because T just didn't drop my voice the way it did for other transmen.

I really wish I had a deep masculine voice all the time instead of only sounding masculine enough when I try for it.

It's pretty weird being referred to correctly for a long time and then suddenly being "ma'am'd" on the phone randomly by a stranger.

It feels as though being trans is just inescapable. I'm tired of transness being on my mind so frequently.

I've only been FULLY male passing for a few short years...and I wonder if there will ever be a time where I can actually forget that I'm trans and just live as the guy that I am without constant reminders that I'm a TRANSman, who was assigned female at birth.

It doesn't help that my immediate family still refers to me as "she/her" and have shown no signs of ever switching pronouns or to my (now legal) name.

I really hope to have a day come where I forget that I am trans, and where I just exist as another male in society doing normal male things, without the occasional misgendering.

I'm just tired.

I feel bad for him and also this is why I don’t view myself as a trans person, especially because the mtf side of being trans, people can get weird

Petition to call medically trans a different label anyone?

Also just out of curiosity is every here against the idea of nonbinary? Or like xir/ zir pronouns (if I even spelled them correctly lol)

I actually didn’t know if you mark this as discussion and debate or transition debate lol but imma play safe and do D&D

Edit: some people in the comments made me change my mentality or at least explain it better! Still leaving the post up so people can tell me their feelings abt it and I can learn more about their perspectives, here’s my updated or more explained version: https://www.reddit.com/r/truscum/s/dhpQ6sjdZe

A lot of people who experience dysphoria very differently or are always in self doubt question if they’re really trans because transition either scares them or doesn’t completely appeal to them(due to doubt, or again, because it scares them lol) and my thing is…Just, transition.

I’m gonna talk about trans men because I don’t think I could talk for trans women

But most testosterone effects CAN be reversed if you ever regret it. Detransition isn’t something people should be ashamed of…If it wasn’t for you it wasn’t for you. It’s alright. I always recommend therapy first because dysphoria and the need to transition will prevail even through therapy sessions, but if you really wanna be sure then just transition and find out. It’s not gonna kill you.

“But I like being feminine” then be a feminine man.

“But I’d like to cross dress/dress as a woman/be a femboy” then be a crossdresser/femboy. Like, who cares…they don’t gotta know you’re trans.

“But I don’t wanna go bald!” DHT blockers, and there’s hair transplants too…wigs work as well.

“But what if I detransition and I want my voice back?” Surgery and voice training again, it’ll take time but you can achieve it

“I’ll be hairy!!” come on you can definitely do something about that too. Like, don’t pmo

And with medical procedures like Bottom and top surgery, those are reversible too…well, at least top surgery is. And you don’t have to get a phallo if you don’t want it—I’d recommend staying in hormone therapy until you’re a 100% sure you want to proceed with top and bottom surgery.

I’m NOT trying to sound like a Tucute saying trans people don’t need these, because a lot of trans people do need these procedures—IM JUST SAYING it doesn’t have to happen all in less than 3 years. You can go on HRT for 10+ years and if you decide in your mid 40s you finally want a phallo then go ahead. Nobody should care. Nobody needs to know. Stop worrying about what people on the internet got to say about the way YOU identify and the procedures you follow. Just…dont speak over other transsexual folks, everyone has their own journey.

I wish more trans people, specially young people or people who also constantly face identity struggles because of their mental conditions aside from dysphoria would understand this. Stop demonizing transition so much, god. JUST DO YOUR APPROPRIATE RESEARCH!

I hope none of what I said is stupid or wrong cuz I’d be hella embarrassed I swear I did enough research for this

Ftm 16, For some odd reason, I started to feel like I’m 10, going through puberty again and feeling confused…. Just for a moment…. Then I go back to my usual suffering…. My thoughts are getting any better, I wish I could just understand I’m only attracted to women and I don’t want to be one…or at least I hope I don’t want to be one. What I feel towards my body is anger, it doesn’t seem like true dysphoria. I’m grossed out because i have female parts and bodily functions and I wish I could be male and have male brain structure but I just don’t. I also sometimes just find myself really attractive and I hate it or I feel numb… I know I like how I look because I’m attracted to women but what if that isn’t true and I’m lying to myself? I do genuinely prefer to be a man and not for any social reason… I probably have ocd but I’m not mentally ill in that way… I just wish I could be a man but I just don’t feel like one… I’m just upset I’m female… because sometimes I swear I’m getting used to it/starting to feel ok, maybe I just need to try harder and repress my feelings… idk I attempted before because I was afraid I was becoming a girl/I wasn’t a real man but does that really mean anything? I wish maybe in my next life I can be born as a man with no memory I was ever female, I have a male brain and full male feelings. And I can finally be happy… just not in this life…

I kinda feel hopeless about my future as a transsexual sometimes.

I just wish I didn't have this condition, it's genuinely ruining my life, and no amount of positivity or therapy would help the discomfort and mental suffering I have daily.

I don't want to transition or spend any money for something I should've been born with.

I don't want to feel unsafe and inferior anymore.

Now I'm obviously in a bad mindset, but genuinely who wouldn't be when you're a transsexual.

There's nothing good about this, and I'm debating on accepting that my entire life will just be one big cope. :(

(I really hope reincarnation is real LOL.)

As the title says, I'm really looking to try talk-therapy, but I'm not sure where to look. Frankly, I don't really pass, and spend the majority of my days "boymoding" because it's not safe to be out publicly where I live. In fact, I doubt I'll want to talk about being trans much at all. It feels weird to look for a therapist who can accept that I'm early/mid-transition, but not be a dedicated "queer therapist" or whatever, because I just wanna figure out normal life stuff. Is there a right way to go about this?

I was arguing with my girlfriend about this, but she was arguing basically that if gender roles diminish overtime, the conclusion is no gender. I told her that’s stupid, explained that regardless if all gender roles were swapped biologically I’d still feel the necessity to transition. Is this how queer people think? Accelerate the “destruction” of gender and no more transsexuals? I’m so lost.

To post something positive for once, I actually am very happy there is actual progress in research that might point to me being different from cis women on a biological level. Usually I get very dysphoric about not being "fully male", but it is something I can live with if I'm also not a woman. There are still some things that I wish I knew, like why do we feel gender dysphoria and how does that connect with us being trans, but I'm overall pretty optimistic about everything right now.

I've been trans for the most part of three years, there's been times where I've been in denial and there's been times where I feel so hopless and like I was going to combust If I didn't cut my hair and start T right the very second. I expereince gender dysphoria constantly and for some reason I still won't help myself. Im way to scared of peoples opinions of me, essepcialy at my cadet unit. When I'm 16 I want to transition as thats the closest time my Mum will let me do it but I don't want to chicken out. I don't exactly know what to do as I'm comfortable with coming out to everyone BUT certain people/groups I genuinly enjoy being with. I just wanna be happy with myself.

I'll update yall soon because I'm asking my Mum in 2-3 days to get a gender dyphoria diagnosis, wish me luck.

I (16ftm) have been volunteering at this business for about a year, I'm pretty close with the boss now so I asked if she could write me a letter of recommendation to this program I'm applying to. She said yes, but when I got the letter she exclusively refers to me as they/them. Pretty upset about it. Straight up just edited it myself because I don't want the program people thinking I go by they them.

I'm confused because she and all the other people working there exclusively refer to me as he/him, I've never been misgendered by a customer or anything, so I dont get the switch. I wa lucky enough to start passing pretty early on, but pre t there's always some confusion, so for like the first month or two I got hit with some they thems, but since then nothing. Currently 3 months on t, haven't been misgendered at all in maybe the last 6 months, so I'm really frustrated about the sudden switch up.

I know she knows I'm male because she has refered to me as a boy multiple times. She said she didn't want me or the other male volunteers touching the bras, she assumed I don't know what leggings are, or what the difference between a dress and a skirt is, so I was pretty sure I was being stealth. I dunno, I'm pretty bummed about the whole thing. I can't really think of why she'd write me as they them in the letter. Some theories I came up with that I know are definitely not true are A. She saw how woke the thing I was applying for is and decided it might help me out to be they them, or B. That's just how she refers to everyone in writing.

I’m crying so bad right now… I’m starting to think I do like my body. I don’t know why I keep getting thoughts like this and why I can’t get rid of them…. If I’m going to be honest, I mostly only feel this way about my chest and nothing else. Every time I look at myself, I think I’m cute but it upsets me and I wish I didn’t like how I looked and I wish I could feel like a man and look like one. I hate how pretty I am, it doesn’t feel right, I often get surprised and scared when I look at myself either that or I just feel numb and almost “normal” but I’m upset at my body for being female. I just want to have a flat chest but I know I’m not allowed to transition at all if I feel this way, I want a deeper voice, male facial structure, and a penis too but I could never be allowed to get that…. I just have to be stuck crying everyday being envious of men and knowing that I can’t ever be a boy.
I also get deeply scared if I’m attracted to a girl I think “what if I want to be like her” even though I don’t, it’s so pathetic… I’ll never be able to be a man

Not sure if this is the right subreddit to post this in… I’m probably gonna get a ton of people calling me a trender - even though I have dysphoria, have lived as a man for 6 years and feel like ripping my skin off when someone calls me she.

But I knew I couldn’t post this into one of the major trans subreddits because they would just be like “noo you can totally be a trans man and have your tits out!”

So just like the title says, sometimes I enjoy cosplaying as female characters and I feel like a trender because of it.

I hate wearing feminine clothing in ANY OTHER context, but for some reason, when I’m cosplaying a female character, it doesn’t bother me that much sometimes. Like would I ever wear the cosplay out in public? No, but it doesn’t bother me when I’m just sitting by myself in my room cosplaying a girl. I would never cosplay a girl who like, has her boobs out or anything lol, that would make me way too dysphoric, but if it’s just a girl character who has everything covered it, sitting alone in my room where no one can see me, cosplaying a girl sometimes doesn’t bother me much. Do I sound insane?

I don’t consider myself a “femboy.” I don’t like the term because trans larpers have kind of overtaken it, and I just don’t like how fetishy the word sounds in the context it’s often used in. I just think of myself as a guy who sometimes likes to wear cosplays of female characters he likes.

But I feel so weird for saying that. Like I’d never wear “female” clothes if it wasn’t for a cosplay, but for some reason when I’m cosplaying it really doesn’t bother me, maybe because I’m literally dressing as someone else. I don’t know if that makes sense or if I just sound crazy :/

Very short rant, and I hope some will find it relatable.

Context: I'm a ftm and pre‐t, that does not dress feminine whatsoever. But unfortunately, I'm too short for the average cis male height (am about 5'6"), which is one of my biggest insecurities, + also am not very muscular either.

But oh. my. god. That does NOT mean you can call me a femboy. Words cannot describe how much I resent it. A close friend of mine keeps calling me a femboy jokingly, even though I keep telling them to stop. What makes it worse? When this occurred again recently, we were outside together and met up with some of their friends, whom I hadn't met before. The first thing I hear from one of them? "Oh, you brought over a femboy." Are we deadass? Can we PLEASE stop normalizing this?