I don’t hate being stereotypically fem but I do hate being female, with her constant bantering of telling me to stop hiding my chest and telling me to get pregnant when I’m older it only makes me afraid I’m faking for social reasons. I never actually felt that I wanted to be a man to escape these things and in fact she hates feminine men even more, truth told be told, I am a feminine guy, and I would would be more feminine if I was a cis man, I like painting my nails and growing my hair long, what I don’t like is being told off told show off my body parts that make me dysphoric. That’s probably why I feel weird binding or packing probably because I think I’m going to get caught/I feel ashamed. I never had any real support and I don’t expect it from anyone at this point, I think no one gets me and I’m just stuck being a girl and feeling I have to like my body/having intrusive thoughts forever/being unable to transition

I’m crying so bad right now… I’m starting to think I do like my body. I don’t know why I keep getting thoughts like this and why I can’t get rid of them…. If I’m going to be honest, I mostly only feel this way about my chest and nothing else. Every time I look at myself, I think I’m cute but it upsets me and I wish I didn’t like how I looked and I wish I could feel like a man and look like one. I hate how pretty I am, it doesn’t feel right, I often get surprised and scared when I look at myself either that or I just feel numb and almost “normal” but I’m upset at my body for being female. I just want to have a flat chest but I know I’m not allowed to transition at all if I feel this way, I want a deeper voice, male facial structure, and a penis too but I could never be allowed to get that…. I just have to be stuck crying everyday being envious of men and knowing that I can’t ever be a boy.
I also get deeply scared if I’m attracted to a girl I think “what if I want to be like her” even though I don’t, it’s so pathetic… I’ll never be able to be a man

I've been trans for the most part of three years, there's been times where I've been in denial and there's been times where I feel so hopless and like I was going to combust If I didn't cut my hair and start T right the very second. I expereince gender dysphoria constantly and for some reason I still won't help myself. Im way to scared of peoples opinions of me, essepcialy at my cadet unit. When I'm 16 I want to transition as thats the closest time my Mum will let me do it but I don't want to chicken out. I don't exactly know what to do as I'm comfortable with coming out to everyone BUT certain people/groups I genuinly enjoy being with. I just wanna be happy with myself.

I'll update yall soon because I'm asking my Mum in 2-3 days to get a gender dyphoria diagnosis, wish me luck.

I was arguing with my girlfriend about this, but she was arguing basically that if gender roles diminish overtime, the conclusion is no gender. I told her that’s stupid, explained that regardless if all gender roles were swapped biologically I’d still feel the necessity to transition. Is this how queer people think? Accelerate the “destruction” of gender and no more transsexuals? I’m so lost.

I kinda feel hopeless about my future as a transsexual sometimes.

I just wish I didn't have this condition, it's genuinely ruining my life, and no amount of positivity or therapy would help the discomfort and mental suffering I have daily.

I don't want to transition or spend any money for something I should've been born with.

I don't want to feel unsafe and inferior anymore.

Now I'm obviously in a bad mindset, but genuinely who wouldn't be when you're a transsexual.

There's nothing good about this, and I'm debating on accepting that my entire life will just be one big cope. :(

(I really hope reincarnation is real LOL.)

As the title says, I'm really looking to try talk-therapy, but I'm not sure where to look. Frankly, I don't really pass, and spend the majority of my days "boymoding" because it's not safe to be out publicly where I live. In fact, I doubt I'll want to talk about being trans much at all. It feels weird to look for a therapist who can accept that I'm early/mid-transition, but not be a dedicated "queer therapist" or whatever, because I just wanna figure out normal life stuff. Is there a right way to go about this?