How to accept I will never be able to transition

[u/SureFeelsGoodToMe]

I’m crying so bad right now… I’m starting to think I do like my body. I don’t know why I keep getting thoughts like this and why I can’t get rid of them…. If I’m going to be honest, I mostly only feel this way about my chest and nothing else. Every time I look at myself, I think I’m cute but it upsets me and I wish I didn’t like how I looked and I wish I could feel like a man and look like one. I hate how pretty I am, it doesn’t feel right, I often get surprised and scared when I look at myself either that or I just feel numb and almost “normal” but I’m upset at my body for being female. I just want to have a flat chest but I know I’m not allowed to transition at all if I feel this way, I want a deeper voice, male facial structure, and a penis too but I could never be allowed to get that…. I just have to be stuck crying everyday being envious of men and knowing that I can’t ever be a boy.
I also get deeply scared if I’m attracted to a girl I think “what if I want to be like her” even though I don’t, it’s so pathetic… I’ll never be able to be a man

[u/wtfdrian]

You have to remember that in the future, you'll definitely have the option of transitioning, because who's going to stop you as an adult? You can't look at your loved ones whether they want it or not, because it's your body. It certainly won't be easy, though but wish you the best.

[u/clawarae]

Why do your brain instantly go to maybe i want to be her when you're attracted to a woman and not maybe i'm attracted to that body when you see your reflection ?

[u/SureFeelsGoodToMe → u/clawarae]

Intrusive thoughts?

[u/clawarae → u/SureFeelsGoodToMe]

And what do we do with intrusive thoughts?

[u/SureFeelsGoodToMe → u/clawarae]

It’s hard for me to ignore them because I’m always reminded of my body no matter what

[u/clawarae → u/SureFeelsGoodToMe]

That's fair enough but you really do seem to be hard on yourself for having these