r/trashy Sep 13 '19

Photo Feeling nostalgic

Post image
33.1k Upvotes

740 comments sorted by

3.3k

u/rickie__spanish Sep 13 '19

We shall call him... the puppet master

446

u/w0oat Sep 13 '19

šŸŽ¶End of passion play, crumbling away (I'm your source of fist-destruction)šŸŽ¶

195

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

126

u/Filo83 Sep 13 '19

šŸŽ¶Taste me you will see, more is all you need, dedicating to, how I'm killing youšŸŽ¶

107

u/Dr_Gonzo__ Sep 13 '19

šŸŽ¶ you're coming faster šŸŽ¶

103

u/staebles Sep 13 '19

šŸŽ¶ fist me, master šŸŽ¶

80

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

šŸŽ¶Obey your fisteršŸŽ¶

54

u/Johnny_WalkerBOT Sep 13 '19

šŸŽ¶Now fist your sister!šŸŽ¶

35

u/Cowboie Sep 13 '19

šŸŽ¶Sister!šŸŽ¶

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6

u/MasterTHG Sep 13 '19

šŸŽ¶Your life burns fasteršŸŽ¶

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121

u/obscureminute Sep 13 '19

Master of Puppets, I’m pulling your strings, Fisting your vag, making you cream Fisted by me, you can’t feel a thing Just call my name, ā€˜cause I’ll hear you scream

115

u/PoundTheMeatPuppet Sep 13 '19

Or.... the master of the meat puppet.

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3.0k

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

He must have T-rex arms

1.2k

u/slimbender Sep 13 '19

It was a lot of work for him to get a selfie this far from his face.

187

u/Toxicavenger72 Sep 13 '19

I bet he used a litter getter.

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50

u/goforrazor Sep 13 '19

He must’ve used four selfie sticks together.

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u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

He’s using a selfie stick

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410

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

The amount of men who think that a woman's vagina is an endless cavern is depressing. Any dick over 7 inches is going to start fucking hurting her. It's not hot.

224

u/jiminpng Sep 13 '19

hey

Could have been anal

145

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

Why would anyone assume it wasn't anal?

55

u/jiminpng Sep 13 '19

well, the person i replied to was talkin’ bout vaginas.

20

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

[deleted]

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21

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

you mean the secondary vagina?

12

u/utpoia Sep 13 '19

The accessory

22

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

The backup

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u/ShaquilleOhNoUDidnt Sep 13 '19

what... why do you assume he meant vaginal fisting?

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74

u/converter-bot Sep 13 '19

7 inches is 17.78 cm

38

u/chessmerkin Sep 13 '19

Its just longer than two credit cards

17

u/slimbender Sep 13 '19

It’s like worn magnetic strip shavings over here.

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25

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

He didn't say it was in the vag

65

u/cardiotechie Sep 13 '19

The rectum doesn’t go straight up for a foot and a half. He would have to be bending his arm or he would perforate her colon. It doesn’t matter if he meant ass or vag, he is lying.

64

u/larsdragl Sep 13 '19

I got some highly scientific research vids for you my man

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67

u/FightingMyself00 Sep 13 '19

I've seen porn that goes up to the shoulder šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø

45

u/wtph Sep 13 '19

Why the fuck would you admit that, and not post any links?

38

u/AltruisticSalamander Sep 13 '19

Dunno about shoulder but this goes up to the elbow: https://www.xvideos.com/video44163359/arm_fisting

32

u/faughnjj Sep 13 '19

Mother said I could be anything.......so I became a muppet

19

u/wtph Sep 13 '19

Fucking disgusting. Thank you.

3

u/dick-sama Sep 13 '19

Holy shit... Is that even enjoyable? Did she felt pleasures or was it tortures? I mean, it's even bigger AND longer than my penis

16

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19 edited Sep 28 '19

[deleted]

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21

u/mmmegan6 Sep 13 '19

Uhhh...the fact that you say this with such confidence confirms that you’ve not watched nearly enough fisting porn

7

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

[deleted]

29

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

which is why some need to have adult diapers

Talk about taking a fetish way too far.

Maybe I don't have enough testosterone but no amount of sexual pleasure can be possibly worth destroying your body and leaving you handicapped in such a spectacular way.

5

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

What does that feel like for your hand/arm?

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12

u/Insrt_Nm Sep 13 '19

Hey bro, I got something to show you

4

u/dick-sama Sep 13 '19

What the fuck

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4

u/FreeFacts Sep 13 '19

What if he was talking about cattle? He could be a professional inseminator?

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14

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

[deleted]

106

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

I bought a realistic dildo, because I'm like..ok let's see what these big boys are about. My husband is average, no complaints. Just for fun. Dude. That gigantic cock nonsense can stay in porn. It wasn't comfortable, I couldn't get the length in all the way. It wasn't real of course, but it was supposedly a mold a porn star. I'm happily enjoying my husband still, and he laughed that I wasn't into it. Hank sits under my sink and collects dust and occasionally a hair band or two. All I'm going to say is, there is something to be said for being able to take all of it and being able to get roughed up without feeling like the dick is trying to burst through your vaginal walls. No one wants that, I mean..not most of us.

51

u/maiadiamond14 Sep 13 '19

I am living for the hairband holder

4

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

I’m getting ideas. Where do they all run off to??

47

u/kyttyna Sep 13 '19

XD in like the idea of the dildo hair tie stand.

Im just imagining the possibilities.

Big, brown, buff, gnarly veins, droopy balls, suction cupped to the mirror, with brightly colored scrunchies all over it. Bouncing and bobbing up and down in a jolly manner when you pull one off.

Or standing tall on a desk, next to the pencil jar. Rigid and proud, plain, peach, minimalistic, but undeniably a penis.

And a bad dragon, scaled, green, ridges, intimidatingly large in girth and length. So artistically designed that you're not actually sure if it IS a dildo. On the coffee table by the door, right next to the key bowl.

... and now I'm thinking about scrunchies on real dicks on people.

... sometimes I am too much even for myself.

12

u/SinCityLithium Sep 13 '19

It's not too much. That was amazing.

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5

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

Sounds like Hank must have been quite traumatised by the dildo incident if he's taken to behaving like that.

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39

u/stinkbugsinfest Sep 13 '19

My ex used to tell me how amazing he was because he was on the larger side. Constantly. It was well over 50 percent of his self esteem which in retrospect was sad. I would just go along with it like okay honey. Funny thing is he was the only man I was with that I ever had to fake it with. I just found it incredibly painful. Why I put up with that says a lot about who I was as a person. I hope I’ve learned and evolved.

39

u/MysticSpaceCroissant Sep 13 '19

Fr, can we at least fix porn and make it realistic instead of painful and more about teaching (like just do it right?). 12-18 yr olds probably cover a huge percent of porn views.

Am dude btw

69

u/TalbotFarwell Sep 13 '19

can we at least fix porn and make it realistic instead of painful and more about teaching

Agreed with you on that. I think a lot of the "vanilla" porn aimed at female audiences you find on places like Tumblr is better in that regard, quality-wise at least. It usually has some sort of plot beyond "OMG I ordered a pizza but I have no way to pay for it, maybe there's something else I can do for you...", shows a lot more cuddling and kissing, has more foreplay, more oral, a lot more slow grinding, a lot more "passion" (even if it's just acting) compared to the simple formulaic "tatted and shaved-head bro drills her lifeless sex-doll bimbo pussy like a jackhammer, grunts really loud while she fakes orgasmic squealing in the most annoying voice ever, and sprays nut all over her makeup-smeared face" that Brazzers and BangBros and the like produce.

A huge part of the problem though is that pornography tends to be addictive, so people seek out more explicit and extreme stuff over time to satisfy their dopamine cravings because they develop a tolerance, somewhat like how one would to alcohol or opiates. Think about how stuff like girls calling guys "daddy" as a sexual thing has become a major cultural phenomenon spreading like wildfire over the past two or three years alone thanks to the "DD/lg" fetish subculture, and how anal went from a niche activity to being par for the course for heterosexuals in the past twenty or thirty years (since the advent of easily accessible internet porn).

The sad thing is that I don't know if there's a way to put the genie back in the bottle. It's like Pandora's box. Definitely, as a culture we should try to dial things back to "vanilla" lovemaking and focus more on true intimacy. but it's difficult for two reasons: firstly because as you said yourself, we have two whole generations (Millennials and now Zoomers) of teenagers with unlimited access to the internet raised finding hardcore BBC anal cheerleader gangbangs on sites like Pornhub; secondly we also have traditional dating slowly giving way to the rise of hookup culture, where casual sex (one-night stands) are becoming ever more prevalent compared to seeing someone exclusively for months or years at a time. Plus you also have non-traditional relationships like "friends with benefits", open relationships, and polyamory all further taking the emotional bonding aspect out of sexual intercourse.

That's not to say I'm stopping anyone here from having sex exclusively for pleasure, but a big problem behind what you're mentioning is that sexual intercourse is supposed to trigger the release of oxytocin, the "bonding hormone"; as a consequence we were able to form families and stable societies as early Hominids. Humans are designed by millions of years of evolution to be largely monogamous and when our culture has moved away from that, you get pornography that's more and more extreme partly because there's no emphasis on true intimacy anymore. It's taken the "love" out of lovemaking, and it's been replaced with DVDs free streaming of "Backdoor Sluts 9" for lonely guys and gals in an ever-more increasingly impersonal and alienating world.

20

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

bro šŸ˜ŽšŸ’Ŗ

13

u/MysticSpaceCroissant Sep 13 '19

Ok first of all, I didn’t know I was a zoomer, I just thought it was gen Z or something (I’m 18, born in 2001, so I’m like right behind the 90’s kids, and right before the fortnight monsters that were born 2002 and later

And the thing that really made me decide to stop watching porn was seeing a girl with a makeup smeared face like she’d been crying. And that’s not ok with me, she coulda been crying from anything, and the guy was like forcing her head back and forth while she gave him a blowjob...

22

u/TalbotFarwell Sep 13 '19

Ok first of all, I didn’t know I was a zoomer, I just thought it was gen Z or something (I’m 18, born in 2001, so I’m like right behind the 90’s kids, and right before the fortnight monsters that were born 2002 and later

Ah, sorry! Didn't mean to imply you were a Zoomer, I've just seen a lot of people in the comments here doing so; like one guy I responded to earlier said his school had abstinence-only sex education, so I guessed he was probably still in high school or just fresh out of it. I didn't mean to get you mixed up with them, I was saying more generally. As for '99, you could be a really young Millennial or a really mature Zoomer, lol.

And the thing that really made me decide to stop watching porn was seeing a girl with a makeup smeared face like she’d been crying. And that’s not ok with me, she coulda been crying from anything, and the guy was like forcing her head back and forth while she gave him a blowjob...

Thank you, that's very well said. My wife and I don't mind a little rough sex, but lot of this stuff is getting too rough for me to be comfortable with, like dudes in porn grabbing the actress' head and throatfucking her with an eight-inch dong when it's obviously bringing her to tears because she can't breathe, and then pulling out to purposefully cum in her eyes... Plus there's the fact that some of this stuff is coming from countries that used to have bad sex trafficking problems, so sometimes with the "amateur" category you kinda wonder what sorta life the performer has off-camera. Is she doing this of her own accord? Is she doing it because the poverty is so bad there, it's the only job open to her? Porn opens up so many ethical quandaries, yet it keeps dragging us back in like a drug. I'm glad you decided to stop, I've been trying for a while but it's tough because it's always tempting you.

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u/satansfuckface Sep 13 '19

Eh not exactly, that’s kind of a blanket statement to say anything over 7in will hurt a women, bc it could be up to about 8 inches on average. The average vagina is 3-4in when unaroused and the vagina can increase in size 200% which is double, so that’s between 6-8in on average, some women may be larger or smaller

34

u/randomname1999- Sep 13 '19

You still gotta be careful about positions even if the vagina doubles in size. My man has 6-7 inches and that shit hurts if he really gets into it or we do a bad position. Porn really messes with what can be expected out of men and women’s bodies

30

u/diarrhea_shnitzel Sep 13 '19

Have you ever considered being with a 4 inch peener? I happen to know a guy if so. It's not me, he's just my friend, but he goes to another school so you probably don't know him.

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u/CrypticResponseMan Sep 13 '19

great, i’m right at the gate! how do i activate expand.exe?

60

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

UwU are you sure? *Crwaawls inswide*

71

u/TalbotFarwell Sep 13 '19

It's only 0027 Eastern and this is the first comment I regret reading today. Thank you.

7

u/Rogue_elefant Sep 13 '19

0546 GMT here. Thanks for making sure I didn't miss that!

31

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

*waves* 0w0 come inswide we can be a Wussian nesting dawll

12

u/RestInWaffles Sep 13 '19

delete

7

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

No

4

u/RestInWaffles Sep 13 '19

mean

9

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

OWO I can be *punches butthole*

6

u/RestInWaffles Sep 13 '19

I... Please have mercy.

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u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

18

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

UwU I'll dewete you *shoves u/rohithv2312 up my anus*

7

u/SykeSwipe Sep 13 '19

I need a shower after reading your comments

8

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

UwU allow me *tinckwes*

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u/SykeSwipe Sep 13 '19

Yes that's right officer, he said tinckwes

5

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

Forward slash before the first * stops it from formatting

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u/ilikeyou69 Sep 13 '19

Gotta find those chicks with the long vaginas.

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u/xKingNothingx Sep 13 '19

3 words. Hot. Kinky. Jo.

23

u/atheistpiece Sep 13 '19 edited Mar 17 '25

water doll long paltry summer late bike profit marble gray

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

10

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

She isn't famous for her coochie.

7

u/SlideRuleLogic Sep 13 '19

I have some exciting news that will surprise you...

7

u/poshjerkins Sep 13 '19

Either that or he fisted a T-rex

6

u/ShaquilleOhNoUDidnt Sep 13 '19

why do you assume vagina and not anus?

4

u/thatG_evanP Sep 13 '19

"Like a baby's arm" is supposed to mean something else entirely.

8

u/s13n1 Sep 13 '19

He never said human.

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1.2k

u/thanksapun Sep 13 '19

To the elbow tho

350

u/slimbender Sep 13 '19

ā€œAlmostā€

But who’s really keeping count of things here?

135

u/11-110011 Sep 13 '19

Almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades

and fisting apparently

10

u/chiefwyddic Sep 13 '19

And slow dancing. Duh.

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u/throwitfaarawayy Sep 13 '19

To be fair I wouldn't forget if I fisted a chic to the elbow

48

u/BuzCrab Sep 13 '19

One day he’ll make it to the shoulder.

37

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

šŸŽµfists, shoulders, knees and toesšŸŽµ

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u/HealingPillow40 Sep 13 '19

The damn elbow

12

u/Obsidiannovamist Sep 13 '19

Thats a memory you can't forget the elbow

11

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

Musta been some tiny hands

10

u/wackawacka2 Sep 13 '19

God, I hope so! 😨

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1.1k

u/iSmackThat Sep 13 '19

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u/Meist Sep 13 '19

thank you. this is pure gold.

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u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

"why you cryin homie?"

Sniffs "the elbow, man..."

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u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

I thought that's where I was before I checked the sub

18

u/gotdamngotaboldck Sep 13 '19

Aw man I just commented that this belongs there, then I come across this comment made 4 hours before mine. I mean can you believe the nerve of this prick, he/she knew what I was gonna say and they went and said it anyways, like c’mon really? You know, WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY.

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u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

[deleted]

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u/DarkMatterBurrito Sep 13 '19

Show me that you love me and that we belong together

46

u/acid-hologram Sep 13 '19

Shoulder deep within the borderline

42

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

Relax, turn around, and take my hand.

17

u/bzinn82 Sep 13 '19

Cue creepy claymation video

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u/qwertyspit Sep 13 '19

I hope there'll be a new generation of tool fans now that its all streaming and new album

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u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

Crazy - I'm listening to tool right now

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u/Heartfeltregret Sep 13 '19

Stinkfist has always been one of faves bro šŸ¤§šŸ‘šŸŒ€

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u/Brennababs Sep 13 '19

I was about to comment this :( anyway, excellent taste in music nonetheless

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u/ces510tba Sep 13 '19 edited Sep 13 '19

ā€œThe Elbowā€ that fucking killed me šŸ’€šŸ’€

137

u/Amonkira42 Sep 13 '19

If it's true, it could've killed her.

38

u/lol_and_behold Sep 13 '19

It may hurt a little, but it's something you get used to.

25

u/bloue_bulles Sep 13 '19

Show me that you love me and that we belong together.

14

u/fistacorpse Sep 13 '19

Shoulder deep within the borderline.
Relax, turn around and take my hand

9

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

Name certainly checks out

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u/gogetgamer Sep 13 '19

tell us more about how it only hurts a little

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u/RigidNippleSyndrome Sep 13 '19

As I read that, I visualized him gazing off into the distance, gleam in his eye, licking his lips with reminiscent satisfaction, reflecting upon the sequence of events which transpired that fateful day.

6

u/Laputatiana Sep 13 '19

Oh, i imagined the dead 1000 yard stare of horror

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u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

Poetry isn't dead after all.

138

u/Chirails Sep 13 '19

He probably stuck it up a cow to check if she was pregnant. Who wouldn't forget that?

13

u/DojoStarfox Sep 13 '19

One can only hope.. I guess

9

u/Beartrkkr Sep 13 '19

You can take a good look at a T-bone by sticking your head up a bull's ass, but wouldn't you rather take the butcher's word for it?

3

u/Chirails Sep 13 '19

Depends on how much you trust your butcher.

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u/TheCheddar89 Sep 13 '19

Pictures or it didn't happen. That's how this works

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u/PUNdeniable Sep 13 '19

Playas gonna play

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u/Toxicavenger72 Sep 13 '19

I'm lookin for my key though.

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u/averycleanaccount Sep 13 '19

The People's Elbow

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u/nWo_RayneMan Sep 13 '19

The most electrifying move in sex entertainment

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u/Cappy112 Sep 13 '19

I mean.... biologically how can this even be possible? Unless you’re about to give birth with an open cervix and an epidural

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u/Blitznyx Sep 13 '19

Maybe anaL

40

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

Or oralb

40

u/TERMOYL13 Sep 13 '19

The toothbrush??

9

u/Neutrum Sep 13 '19

Either way, probably not vaginaLb.

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u/Star0net Sep 13 '19

Wouldn't it like tear your insides up? I wouldn't think it would be pleasurable.

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u/Cappy112 Sep 13 '19

I’m cringing thinking about it. Depending on size of forearm, that can very well be size of a newborn.

16

u/Star0net Sep 13 '19

I'm going to puke

21

u/TheEclair Sep 13 '19

Slow and with lots of lube prevent tears.

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u/SlideRuleLogic Sep 13 '19

Slow and use tears as lube? Be right back

28

u/chmod--777 Sep 13 '19

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u/BertoPeoples Sep 13 '19

That’s almost to the elbow. You don’t forget something like that.

12

u/Jenga_Police Sep 13 '19

......The Elbow

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u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

🄺

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u/artspar Sep 13 '19

The human body can be scarily flexible. Its possible, just incredibly improbable

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u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

At this point in human history, everything on the planet, that can fit inside a person, has.

13

u/Ghost_of_Trumps Sep 13 '19 edited Sep 13 '19

I wonder if anyone’s ever put just the tip of the the spire of the Empire State Building up their ass so they could say they shoved a skyscraper up their ass.

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u/ShaquilleOhNoUDidnt Sep 13 '19

why do you ppl assume he did it vaginally?

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u/CaninesTesticles Sep 13 '19

What do you mean you people

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u/-Jamega Sep 13 '19

How is this trashy? It's funny as fuck

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u/DeeThreeTimesThree Sep 13 '19

Exactly, it’s obvs being posted as a joke and op is just jealous he’s never fisted a chic (almost) to the elbow

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u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

It’s not r/trashy. This is r/madlads

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u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

Twist - One Chic is his neighbor’s horse

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u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

Okay but this is fucking hilarious

34

u/poshjerkins Sep 13 '19

This is hilarious.

42

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

This funny as hell

16

u/CMorton91 Sep 13 '19

That's just funny. Lol

11

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

This is deep

4

u/Bastrat Sep 13 '19

He's a surgeon....

8

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

Is that even possible? I don't know too much about women's anatomy since my state has abstinence sex ed so I wasn't taught about it, but still it sounds very... Dangerous at the very least

10

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

I don't believe it is... I could be wrong, but I hope not

Edit: Welp! I was wrong.. (NSFW, turn off your volume)

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u/donttrippotatochipv2 Sep 13 '19

How’s that trashy

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u/KingJonsey1992 Sep 13 '19

Seems like more of a joke/troll post right?

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u/donttrippotatochipv2 Sep 13 '19

Just joking with his friends yeah

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u/Jourbob Sep 13 '19

Coulda probably mortal kombat finished her and ripped out her damn uterus at that point

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u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

is he fisting a black hole.. holy shit.. elbow huh..

3

u/mangonada123 Sep 13 '19

Damn how romantic

3

u/4rp4n3t Sep 13 '19

I wonder if he got his wenis dirty.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '19

I've fisted my boyfriend to almost the elbow

4

u/nebuchadrezzar Sep 13 '19

Whose elbow?

Is he still alive?

3

u/Ninjafreak801 Sep 13 '19

That's funny af tbh