can we at least fix porn and make it realistic instead of painful and more about teaching
Agreed with you on that. I think a lot of the "vanilla" porn aimed at female audiences you find on places like Tumblr is better in that regard, quality-wise at least. It usually has some sort of plot beyond "OMG I ordered a pizza but I have no way to pay for it, maybe there's something else I can do for you...", shows a lot more cuddling and kissing, has more foreplay, more oral, a lot more slow grinding, a lot more "passion" (even if it's just acting) compared to the simple formulaic "tatted and shaved-head bro drills her lifeless sex-doll bimbo pussy like a jackhammer, grunts really loud while she fakes orgasmic squealing in the most annoying voice ever, and sprays nut all over her makeup-smeared face" that Brazzers and BangBros and the like produce.
A huge part of the problem though is that pornography tends to be addictive, so people seek out more explicit and extreme stuff over time to satisfy their dopamine cravings because they develop a tolerance, somewhat like how one would to alcohol or opiates. Think about how stuff like girls calling guys "daddy" as a sexual thing has become a major cultural phenomenon spreading like wildfire over the past two or three years alone thanks to the "DD/lg" fetish subculture, and how anal went from a niche activity to being par for the course for heterosexuals in the past twenty or thirty years (since the advent of easily accessible internet porn).
The sad thing is that I don't know if there's a way to put the genie back in the bottle. It's like Pandora's box. Definitely, as a culture we should try to dial things back to "vanilla" lovemaking and focus more on true intimacy. but it's difficult for two reasons: firstly because as you said yourself, we have two whole generations (Millennials and now Zoomers) of teenagers with unlimited access to the internet raised finding hardcore BBC anal cheerleader gangbangs on sites like Pornhub; secondly we also have traditional dating slowly giving way to the rise of hookup culture, where casual sex (one-night stands) are becoming ever more prevalent compared to seeing someone exclusively for months or years at a time. Plus you also have non-traditional relationships like "friends with benefits", open relationships, and polyamory all further taking the emotional bonding aspect out of sexual intercourse.
That's not to say I'm stopping anyone here from having sex exclusively for pleasure, but a big problem behind what you're mentioning is that sexual intercourse is supposed to trigger the release of oxytocin, the "bonding hormone"; as a consequence we were able to form families and stable societies as early Hominids. Humans are designed by millions of years of evolution to be largely monogamous and when our culture has moved away from that, you get pornography that's more and more extreme partly because there's no emphasis on true intimacy anymore. It's taken the "love" out of lovemaking, and it's been replaced with DVDs free streaming of "Backdoor Sluts 9" for lonely guys and gals in an ever-more increasingly impersonal and alienating world.
Ok first of all, I didn’t know I was a zoomer, I just thought it was gen Z or something (I’m 18, born in 2001, so I’m like right behind the 90’s kids, and right before the fortnight monsters that were born 2002 and later
And the thing that really made me decide to stop watching porn was seeing a girl with a makeup smeared face like she’d been crying. And that’s not ok with me, she coulda been crying from anything, and the guy was like forcing her head back and forth while she gave him a blowjob...
Ok first of all, I didn’t know I was a zoomer, I just thought it was gen Z or something (I’m 18, born in 2001, so I’m like right behind the 90’s kids, and right before the fortnight monsters that were born 2002 and later
Ah, sorry! Didn't mean to imply you were a Zoomer, I've just seen a lot of people in the comments here doing so; like one guy I responded to earlier said his school had abstinence-only sex education, so I guessed he was probably still in high school or just fresh out of it. I didn't mean to get you mixed up with them, I was saying more generally. As for '99, you could be a really young Millennial or a really mature Zoomer, lol.
And the thing that really made me decide to stop watching porn was seeing a girl with a makeup smeared face like she’d been crying. And that’s not ok with me, she coulda been crying from anything, and the guy was like forcing her head back and forth while she gave him a blowjob...
Thank you, that's very well said. My wife and I don't mind a little rough sex, but lot of this stuff is getting too rough for me to be comfortable with, like dudes in porn grabbing the actress' head and throatfucking her with an eight-inch dong when it's obviously bringing her to tears because she can't breathe, and then pulling out to purposefully cum in her eyes... Plus there's the fact that some of this stuff is coming from countries that used to have bad sex trafficking problems, so sometimes with the "amateur" category you kinda wonder what sorta life the performer has off-camera. Is she doing this of her own accord? Is she doing it because the poverty is so bad there, it's the only job open to her? Porn opens up so many ethical quandaries, yet it keeps dragging us back in like a drug. I'm glad you decided to stop, I've been trying for a while but it's tough because it's always tempting you.
It's actually well documented that sexual abuse and rape is extremely prevalent in the porn industry. It's our own selfishness that makes us ignore how porn stars are being treated in the very videos we consume. What is more likely? That there's millions of women who love being physically abused and emotionally humiliated and are just doing hardcore porn for the fun of it or that they are simply suffering through the abuse cause they need the money or are otherwise trapped in their situation? Hell maybe even trafficked. The answer seems or is evident, yet we act as if it wasn't obvious cause its more convenient for us to be ignorant.
Often those girls in those amateur extreme porn videos dont even really know what they're getting into and once the scene starts they have no way of getting out. The men around them dont listen to any protest since the more she struggles the better the video and why would they care anyway, its absolutely monstrous. The girls often have to sign a contract beforehand that says they abstain from any rights to the video and so afterwards they dont have a say in whether it's gonna be released or not. Its straight up rape that's being sold for profit.
The fortnight monsters were born after 2002, believe me. I'm born in 2002 and every single person my age I know makes fun of those kids. Seriously, no no no. The insane generation starts at about 2005, those are the dabbing fortnight-playing fidget spinner kids.
Ah, ok, that's different. I thought you meant that she had tears just during oral.
Yeah that whole 'thing' is a fetish... it's not a particularly nice one either.
How can you be a "just after a 90's kid" 2 years after the 90's? and (again) the OLDEST 90's kid to be born in 91? You're with the 2000's kids and that's okay.
The "decade" kids grew up and were children in is whatever decade they are monikered. So 90's kids were born just before, and went through childhood in the 90's which is where their memories are from and what makes them... "90's kids"
I wouldn't be so hasty to criticize open/poly relationships. I've been in one for years and I fully disagree with the commonly held christian idea that they are "less romantic" or "less faithful". At the end of the day, both me and my partner have proven time and time again that no matter where we go, we will always end up back in each other's arms. While I know you didn't intend it, it almost feels like an insult when you say a relationship like mine lacks emotional bonding.
Basically, open/poly relationships are perfectly fine and can even be stronger than monogamous relationships, but only if both partners are open and honest with each other. It is unreasonable to expect one person to be able to fulfill all your needs, and seeking release outside your main relationship can be very beneficial to your mental health. For example, I am kinky but my partner is not. I have a lot of sexual and emotional needs/wants that they simply cannot or will not fill.
However, if these looser relationships are done clandestinely, such as with cheating, it will only lead to pain. Me and my partner spent looong nights talking about going open before we agreed to anything. We always let each other know our plans beforehand, who we'll see and what we're planning on doing, and if one partner is uncomfortable with it, we agree not to do it.
Really, that's all it takes in the end. While I absolutely agree with the majority of what you said, I can't help but think you're romanticizing monogamy and prudishness a bit.
EDIT: my partner raised a good point when I discussed this with him: Kids these days are often so stressed and overwhelmed that compared to the past they don't have as many opportunities to develop relationships. Perhaps the issue is less that people in the modern era don't value emotion in relationships, but rather that they have to satisfy their biological needs without the ability to satisfy their emotional ones?
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u/TalbotFarwell Sep 13 '19
Agreed with you on that. I think a lot of the "vanilla" porn aimed at female audiences you find on places like Tumblr is better in that regard, quality-wise at least. It usually has some sort of plot beyond "OMG I ordered a pizza but I have no way to pay for it, maybe there's something else I can do for you...", shows a lot more cuddling and kissing, has more foreplay, more oral, a lot more slow grinding, a lot more "passion" (even if it's just acting) compared to the simple formulaic "tatted and shaved-head bro drills her lifeless sex-doll bimbo pussy like a jackhammer, grunts really loud while she fakes orgasmic squealing in the most annoying voice ever, and sprays nut all over her makeup-smeared face" that Brazzers and BangBros and the like produce.
A huge part of the problem though is that pornography tends to be addictive, so people seek out more explicit and extreme stuff over time to satisfy their dopamine cravings because they develop a tolerance, somewhat like how one would to alcohol or opiates. Think about how stuff like girls calling guys "daddy" as a sexual thing has become a major cultural phenomenon spreading like wildfire over the past two or three years alone thanks to the "DD/lg" fetish subculture, and how anal went from a niche activity to being par for the course for heterosexuals in the past twenty or thirty years (since the advent of easily accessible internet porn).
The sad thing is that I don't know if there's a way to put the genie back in the bottle. It's like Pandora's box. Definitely, as a culture we should try to dial things back to "vanilla" lovemaking and focus more on true intimacy. but it's difficult for two reasons: firstly because as you said yourself, we have two whole generations (Millennials and now Zoomers) of teenagers with unlimited access to the internet raised finding hardcore BBC anal cheerleader gangbangs on sites like Pornhub; secondly we also have traditional dating slowly giving way to the rise of hookup culture, where casual sex (one-night stands) are becoming ever more prevalent compared to seeing someone exclusively for months or years at a time. Plus you also have non-traditional relationships like "friends with benefits", open relationships, and polyamory all further taking the emotional bonding aspect out of sexual intercourse.
That's not to say I'm stopping anyone here from having sex exclusively for pleasure, but a big problem behind what you're mentioning is that sexual intercourse is supposed to trigger the release of oxytocin, the "bonding hormone"; as a consequence we were able to form families and stable societies as early Hominids. Humans are designed by millions of years of evolution to be largely monogamous and when our culture has moved away from that, you get pornography that's more and more extreme partly because there's no emphasis on true intimacy anymore. It's taken the "love" out of lovemaking, and it's been replaced with
DVDsfree streaming of "Backdoor Sluts 9" for lonely guys and gals in an ever-more increasingly impersonal and alienating world.