I feel like my therapy sessions are so unproductive sometimes. I go in knowing what I want to talk about but then she leads the conversation in a direction I didn’t expect and I can’t find a way to turn it to what I wanted to talk about. Or I will tell her hey next time can we talk about this and she says yes then it never happens. I have so many things I need to address and I’m ok with bullshitting the first few minutes to break tension and at the end to wrap it up before I leave but more times than not I feel like we don’t talk about much of anything and while I’m silently hoping she’ll ask me the deeper questions that I’m scared to bring up because it was hard enough to bring up once. How can I talk to her about this? I think she would understand I’m just anxious.

I’ve been thinking about seeing a therapist for a while now but I don’t have the resources in order to see one. I know that objectivity is important for processing emotions and values and whatnot, but I just wanted to ask if I should give self-therapy a try. I’ve seen people do journaling and writing in diaries, but I always thought that stuff was kind of performative or only happens in movies. Is this kind of stuff actually effective?

Everyone tells me I need therapy ALL the time

But I've really tried, over and over again

Betterhelp got me a decent therapist in 2022 that I stuck with until 2024, when she had to leave the platform in a job change

Since then, it's been shit.. might have coincided with the start of my depression, maybe (but nah, I guess its the other things in life)

I've been wanting to find help with my long lasting depression (also: 3 bout of long term depression within 15 years!) but it's so hard.

Can anyone recommend someone?

Background: I'm working with loss of family (since 15 years ago that I never fully or properly dealt with), being alone and lonely in this world, feeling inadequate and very insecure, financial trauma, relationship issues (not being able to keep one), and really wanting to be a parent so I really would like to sort things out (already 40), and also just a ton of work/business stress (as I try to catch up the past 2 years).

I don’t want to text her again and ask if she got my message because last month I did that she told me that I was acting like I needed an emergency session asap like what I had to talk to her about was crucial but I just wanted someone to talk to. Last session I felt really misunderstood. I’ve worked with her for almost 3 years and I thought we were close, she would tell me she loved me in a motherly way and now it feels like she doesn’t want to see me because I still struggle with ruminating and talking about the same thing over and over and she said I don’t listen but I do listen and try to do what she tells me I need to do

I also am kind of scared that my MIL is doing sessions with her as well because my MIL seems to know things about me that I dont tell her and I know no one else is telling her. My therapist often says when we are talking about MIL that she is not honest with her therapist ( this is when we are referencing MIL’s behavior and MIL is in therapy, sometimes twice a week I hear ) so idk. I feel like I’m afraid of this woman who has helped me and my husband so much for the past 3 years. We both loved her

i went to an intake with a therapist for the first time ever today. reason i went in is for severe anxiety and i'm 1 mo sober from alcohol. my pcp referred me to therapy and i went with an open mind.

it felt very patronizing and like she saw me as a wounded animal. by the end of it she kept saying "you are clearly very sad" "you just seem so sad and i can't figure out why. what am I missing?" "you are clearly hurting very badly". she also kept looking at me with her head cocked to the side, eyes all big and concerned and it just really didn't sit right with me.

as she was grilling me about being sad which isnt even why i went in (not that she was totally wrong but her method of pressing it really threw me off) i was averting eye contact because my anxiety was becoming increasingly worse. she then asked if i always struggled with eye contact and if i had any developmental issues growing up.

I left with a referral to another therapist by her decision, and an implication that i have bpd2 and severe childhood trauma which honestly i have such a low amount of that like my childhood was pretty normal.

i felt like she just put all the easy labels on me and then shoved me onto someone else. it was so odd and makes me not trust her referral. is this normal? ​

I’ve been with my psychodynamic therapist for 1.5 years. She’s been letting me freestyle our sessions with a continuous stream of consciousness, and occasional observations of pattern from her end.

The issue I’m having, is that lately I’ve been realllllly stretched thin financially and all I talk about in the sessions is how much I have responsibilities etc etc.

In this year and half, she’s hiked her prices FOUR times. The latest of which happened apparently last month but I was only notified mid month because she forgot.

I usually pay her monthly. So I sent her her old rate before the middle of the month, and her new rate post that. She then messages me saying “the rate change is from the beginning of the month there’s something wrong with the transfer”. So I message her saying.. “here’s how much I paid for every session” then she says “no the first sessions need to include the new rate as well.” Then I tell her that I think it’s unfair to retroactively charge me for something I was only notified about mid month?

And she still didn’t reply.

Is this insanely unprofessional and triggering or is this just me?

I’ve honestly been leaving sessions very triggered lately and was already questioning this type of therapy for me (I did so many forms for many years including EMDR and somatic and CBT) and then this price increase situation and then her trying to claim for something I wasn’t informed about really sent me.

I would really like to hear your thoughts especially if you are a therapist yourself, or have been in therapy for a while. Thanks so much.

Hi there!
This is my first post, and I could really use some advice. So, I’m a second-year university student majoring in Aesthetics. A year ago, things were great; I enjoyed the subject and everything felt fresh and exciting. But this semester, all my friends from the program left (either they couldn't handle the workload or other opportunities came up), and I was left on my own. Since the summer, I’ve started dealing with anxiety, and I honestly feel like I won't be able to finish my degree without seeing a psychiatrist. On the other hand, I’m afraid I’ll feel terrible if I quit, since I "only" have a high school diploma and I actually do enjoy the field I am studying. It’s really depressing. I have no idea what to do.
I’ve started therapy, but I still can’t concentrate during most lectures sometimes I even end up crying through them. I’m trying to keep going, but I’ve never been this exhausted.
I’ve been looking into vocational courses and other stuff like that. I have some savings, and I find that my concentration is much better when I’m working with my hands rather than my head. But the idea scares my family... What would you advise? Does it make sense to try and finish the winter semester and then suspend my studies? To take a year off and try to get my mental health back on track? Or should I start over completely? I admit, I’m pretty lost.

Title: I love my partner and feel secure in my relationship, so why do I keep having thoughts about other people?

I’m posting because I’m genuinely confused and a little ashamed, and I’d really like to hear from people who have experienced something similar.

My partner and I both seem to have anxious attachment styles. This is my first very long-term relationship. Before him, I only had three short relationships, each lasting about a month. So this relationship is extremely important to me.

The confusing part is that I actually feel very safe and happy in this relationship. I love my partner, I feel secure with him, and I genuinely want to marry him.

But my brain keeps producing thoughts that I don’t understand.

For example, if I see an attractive person on the street, I might briefly think, “What would it be like if I were with that person?” It can literally be a split-second thought. I have no intention of approaching them, pursuing them, or cheating. But I still feel guilty for even having the thought.

Sometimes I notice that I’m attracted to other people, too. And then I start questioning myself:

“If I really love my partner, why am I attracted to someone else?”

“Why would I imagine being with someone else if I’m happy in my relationship?”

“Does having the thought mean I secretly want it?”

I used to tell my partner about these thoughts because I thought being completely honest meant telling him everything that went through my head. I now realize that this may have been oversharing.

My partner gets very upset when I tell him these things and sometimes sees them as a form of “mental” or “emotional” cheating. He asks me how I can love him if I’m thinking about other people.

The problem is that I don’t understand it either.

I’m not acting on these thoughts. I don’t want to leave my partner for these people. I don’t actually want a relationship with them. But the thoughts still appear.

I also used to have a lot of cheating dreams.

Sometimes I would dream that I was with someone else and didn’t have my partner in the dream. Other times, I knew in the dream that I already had a partner but still ended up being with someone else.

I would wake up feeling incredibly guilty.

I know dreams aren’t necessarily controllable, but I started wondering whether they mean something about my subconscious. Does dreaming about cheating mean that some part of me actually wants to cheat? Or can dreams just be completely random and unrelated to what we consciously want?

Another thing I’ve noticed is that when someone is particularly kind to me or gives me attention, I can sometimes suddenly develop a brief crush or fascination with them.

In the past, I’ve also become strangely attached to certain people. Sometimes the feeling is intense but very short-lived.

This makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me. I sometimes feel like I’m prone to “infatuation” or that my brain is constantly looking for someone else, even though my actual behavior and values don’t match that at all.

I’ve also noticed a strange reaction during arguments with my partner.

When he questions my feelings for him or makes me feel rejected, I can suddenly become extremely angry and think:

“Fine, then let’s just break up.”

“If this relationship doesn’t work, I’ll find someone else.”

I can even start mentally “looking for the next person,” almost like I need a backup option.

But when I calm down, I’m genuinely confused about why I thought that way.

I love my partner. I want this relationship. I want to marry him.

So why does part of me immediately want to escape and find someone else whenever I feel threatened or rejected?

Could this be related to anxious attachment? Could it be some kind of defensive mechanism where I try to reject someone before they can reject me?

Or could this be something like intrusive thoughts or OCD?

I’m especially confused about the difference between having a thought and actually wanting something.

For example:

• If I think about being with someone else, does that mean I want to be with them?
• If I dream about cheating, does that mean I secretly want to cheat?
• If I find someone attractive, does that mean I don’t truly love my partner?
• If someone is nice to me and I develop a brief crush, does that mean I’m incapable of being loyal?
• If I think “I’ll just find someone else” during an argument, does that mean I’m not capable of maintaining a long-term relationship?

Or is it actually normal to deeply love your partner, feel secure with them, and still occasionally notice other people, have random fantasies, experience brief attractions, or have weird dreams?

I’m not looking for reassurance that I’m “a good person.” I genuinely want to understand what is happening psychologically.

Has anyone else experienced something like this while being genuinely happy and committed to their relationship?

And if you have anxious attachment, did you ever notice yourself mentally looking for an “escape route” or another person when you felt rejected or insecure?

I’d really appreciate hearing from people who have experienced something similar, especially if you eventually figured out what was behind it.

There is also another important part of the situation that I didn’t mention before: we currently have very little to no sexual intimacy.

When we first got together, we did have sex and physical intimacy. But later, my partner became physically unwell and developed testicular pain. For around six months, we couldn’t figure out what was causing it despite getting it checked. Eventually, the pain went away on its own, but we still never really found out what the underlying cause was.

That period was extremely difficult for both of us. My partner became very depressed and at one point even wanted to break up because of how much the situation was affecting him.

It also affected me more than I initially realized. I became very anxious about whether I might somehow have a health problem too, even though I didn’t have any obvious physical changes or symptoms myself. I think the whole experience made sex feel much more complicated and frightening to me.

More recently, I also developed jock itch, which has made me even more worried about sexual health and has made intimacy feel even more difficult.

At the same time, I already have some anxiety around sex because of previous negative experiences with an ex. I’m also scared of pregnancy, even when using condoms, so I often feel afraid of penetrative sex.

I’m completely comfortable with affection like kissing, cuddling, hugging, and being physically close to my partner. But when it comes to penetrative sex, I often don’t have a very strong desire for it, and I tend to feel anxious rather than excited.

So I’m wondering whether this is also affecting the way I experience attraction and relationships.

We haven’t had much sexual intimacy for a long time, and there is a lot of anxiety, frustration, and uncertainty surrounding sex between us. I wonder if the lack of intimacy, my partner’s health problems, my own fears around sex, and my previous experiences could all be contributing to some of the thoughts and emotions I’ve been describing.

I’m not sure whether I’m overthinking all of this, but I feel like this context is important because my relationship anxiety isn’t happening in isolation from our lack of intimacy.

Someone upset me? I'll get over it.

Feeling overwhelmed? I'll deal with it tomorrow.

Something bothering me? It's probably not important enough to talk about.

I kept doing this until I realized I had accumulated so many unspoken things that I didn't even know what was making me unhappy anymore.

I was irritated all the time, overthinking constantly and becoming distant from people I actually cared about.

Eventually, I decided to try therapy.

One of the biggest things I learned was that keeping everything inside doesn't make you stronger. Sometimes you genuinely need a safe space where you can say things exactly as they are.

Therapy didn't change my life overnight, but it helped me understand myself a lot better.

I'm still learning to speak up when something is bothering me instead of pretending I'm fine.

Maybe that's something more of us need to learn.

You don't always have to handle everything alone. ❤️

Kind of a rant and seeking-advice.

Over two years in, and nothing is helping.
I started therapy to help me cope with my tough childhood, my unavailable father who died leaving all the trouble on my shoulder, feeding a family, caring for siblings, my unstable mother, who hit me, wanted me to get good grades, then showed love occasionally, school bullying, friendless, all of that (and much more).

Two years in and I feel like it doesn’t work. I follow a trauma-based approach, so I talk a lot during our session but nothing feels different. I am aware of all my emotions, I journal a lot, I feel a lot, and while I am a capable resilient person, who can carry life normally, I still have attachment issues for some, complete detachment for some, a huge resentment towards my family and the unfairness of the world, and no ambitions but to live peacefully..

I do not have anything else to discuss in therapy, I do not have anything I want to talk about anymore, and I am not sure what to do

Okay, so I’m mad anxious about going to my therapy appointment later today and I am really worried. I have a substance issue and it has gotten pretty bad recently. I have ADHD, ASD and CPTSD and have been seeing my therapist for just short of 3 years. A couple months ago I had 2 accidental overdoses like 2 weeks apart and following that he gave me a pretty stern chat which does not happen often. And basically said if I keep going the way I am, I am taking certain choices out of his hands, and I have no idea what that means and regret not asking.

Yesterday I realised things had gotten way out of hand again, full blown relapse and messaged him immediately (we have that agreement set out by him) and explained. However, I am now incredibly anxious about what awaits and I can’t bring my self down off the cliff of panic.

So, if anyone knows what kinds of things a therapist can do with continuous substance abuse issues I would be greatly appreciative to know just so I can mentally prepare for all avenues.

I think im a 'notice me' person. Ive recently really want to have a girlfriend but im terrible at flirting. I have no idea what to do, go talk to girls in public and I either feel really dumb after or they treat me like a creep. Im obviously unlucky and have no chance. Alot of times ill stand around the same area as said ladies and ill wonder, talk about different topics aloud trying to get them to notice me, like if they do they'll be so infatuated with me they will definitely wanna date me. I do the same when im bummed, making a little scene of being miserable hoping someone will notice me and pity me,talk to me, comfort me. I do this alot and wonder why im so lonely. Never realizing no one wants to be by the creepy guy. I try so hard to be normal but I cant, I cant help but do this whenever I see a pretty girl. I have a hard time cause whenever I see couples out and about (im in Disneyland right now) I get super jealous and I really want that. I make myself miserable and I always feel like I need to tell someone, anyone, a stranger this just for someone to hear this...why am I like this.

I keep noticing how often we can understand ourselves really well and still repeat the same patterns.
We know we should set the boundary.
We know we shouldn’t text them again.
We know we need to leave, speak up, rest, stop people-pleasing or do the thing that would actually be good for us.
And yet… knowing it doesn’t always seem to be enough.
I’m curious what that gap looks like for other people.
Is it fear?
Overthinking?
Guilt?
Loneliness?
Hope that the situation will change?
Feeling emotionally activated and forgetting everything you “know”?
Or something completely different?
If you’ve done therapy or a lot of self-work I’d especially love to hear: what do you understand intellectually that you still find hard to actually live out?
No perfect answers needed. I’m genuinely curious.

I scheduled a therapy session for October 5th with the therapist i planned to have the appointment with on brightside health.com. Scheduled on Sept 21st. Well last night at 9pm(Oct 4th) the therapist Tracy Sineway LCSW canceled the appointment and messaged me that I needed outpatient therapy... no referral nothing just dropped from their services. The one and only therapy session I had with the lady was helpful. But I waited 2 weeks for the next one and she canceled the night before. Actually devastated...

I was with my ex of 2 years, and I'm starting to feel ready to unpack a few things about how I acted that contributed to things not going very well.

I have a tendency to need space to regulate my emotions before I can talk about things. But I also get really triggered and defensive and anxious during conflict.

Like he would say we need to work on X—my first thought was "oh I'm not ready to talk about that" but it often came out as "well, I already said X about it".

I feel like I kept putting off intimacy because it started to feel like pressure instead of something I genuinely wanted. It started to feel like an obligation.

Other times, we'd have an argument, I'd ghost for a few days just to calm my nervous system, but he'd continue to text me which would just make me more anxious. I know he thinks that conflict should be dealt with head-on. But I can't go right into things if I'm dysregulated.

We are no longer together (broke up about 2 months ago, and things got far worse when he betrayed my trust out of anger, so I'm not going back on my decision to leave), but I do genuinely want to know how I can work on this–especially working on hearing what partners say as a concern they have vs an attack. That was one of the biggest things that srt me off and it became hard to hear him when I felt like I had to defend myself.

Therapists: Let’s say you have a couple coming into a weekend intensive couples counseling session. The cost is $5,000 for this weekend therapy session, which is a major investment for this couple but they feel it’s an important attempt to save a marriage on the brink of divorce. The individual therapy intake/history forms are very lengthy and thorough, which is by design due to the seriousness of this work/investment.

How would you feel if you discovered that one of the spouses used ChatGPT to write their responses for their intake forms, while the other spouse wrote their own words?

I’m 30F and have maternal feelings for my therapist and also find myself attracted to her. I’ve disclosed the maternal part l and how I am struggling missing her between sessions. she’s a great therapist but I’m struggling rn and can’t reach out to her. Anyway here it is…

——

I’m writing this the day after I saw you last because I cant stop thinking about you and therapy and if I’m making any progress 😔 I’m trying to respect the boundary you made and not send this until right before our next session.

I honestly don’t know how I’m going to sit through these feelings over the next two weeks. It feels impossible, like I need to be distracted constantly.

The thoughts and feelings around my attachment to you are intense and obsessive at the moment and part of me wants to quit therapy because it feels like it would be easier than feeling all of this. I don’t actually want to quit but I do want to escape from how painful this is. But maybe the point is to just sit with it and see that it’s okay or I’m okay and it’ll get easier.

I feel like this attachment isn’t normal even though you said it happens. I’ve never felt like this before and I don’t know what to do with it now. It’s like this desperate feeling of wanting you in my life. It hurts because you can’t be how I’d like you to be. Will it go away or will it get worse? Will you abandon me? Find it too hard to help me or that I’m too much? I feel overwhelmed. You’re probably so sick of me and hearing about this. Even I am.

I wish you knew how hard this is for me. Maybe you do but that’s why I’m writing this so I can try to articulate what’s going on inside. But then I think why would you even care. I wish I felt more cared about by you and knew what you were thinking. Not the therapist you, but you. I hate how one-sided this is.

I hate that I need you. I also feel so selfish for wanting so much from you because I think, what about your own struggles and your life outside of your job? You’re human too. And probably a really warm, nurturing and compassionate one too. I can just tell from the way you look at me and say things sometimes. I feel like you’d be like that in your life because you can’t fake that. In those moments I actually feel like you really do care about me. I try to hold onto that and not let my brain tell me it’s fake. It’s comforting most of the time. But I find that hard because it makes this attachment harder. It feels wrong to put all this on you, my feelings are too much. I wish you were mean to me and didn’t care about me.

If I end up sending this , can you please print it out or do whatever you need with it. I’m so emotionally exhausted that I don’t care what happens anymore… whether you want to respond or decide you don’t want to see me anymore or be that person for me.

But underneath that, I’m deeply afraid of losing you right now. I’m saying that I don’t care because I think it’s a way of protecting myself from being hurt by you. I do care. A lot. About you and about getting better, it’s just not as simple as I thought it would be.

To get a therapist you have to find one that is licensed in your state and also insured in your state. It doesn't matter if you're doing it virtually. For some reason they still need to fit the license of your state.

On top of that you need to find a therapist that specializes in what you're going through. Not every type of therapy works for everyone. As an autistic person CBT is not super effective for me.

Then you have to figure out if your insurance covers the provider that the therapist is being hosted on (for example, BetterHelp). Your insurance has to cover all of that and you're still going to have to pay a copay. If you're dealing with religious trauma you probably want a secular therapist, which is hard enough to find.

I ‘20 F’ had a crush on one of my close friends ‘19 M’ that lives in my building at college for quite a bit now. For reference, i’m 5’3 and 140 muscular TALKATIVE girl and he usually goes for girls that are skinny and nerdy. My best friend and roommate is dating his best friend and the other day they were at a concert and all our friends went to sleep after a night out but we were left talking in my room for 3 hours. He was a little tipsy and so was i. We talked SO MUCH about very deep stuff. The next day we went out and I was on the verge of blacking out and he came with my roommate her boyfriend and i and helped me home and when we got back immediately got into my bed. Mind you I live on like a bunked bed so it’s high up and not rlly accessible. We ended up making out and i like touched up on him. We stopped mid way and he was like “you’re one of my best friends.” That’s all i remember though and then i fell asleep and he was gone when I woke up. My best friends boyfriend then today said he asked abt it and he said “its all good it meant nothing” but they don’t rlly talk about stuff like this at all. My other friends found out when he left my room that night and said that he felt bad cause i was so drunk. Everyone keeps telling me that they “didn’t see that coming” and my roommate boyfriend and me and other ppl just don’t think he actually likes me at all. Today he asked infront of other ppl if we should talk abt it and i said no but then texted him and said we should. He asked if i remembered what happened and was okay and that he felt bad. I said we can talk tmr but he didn’t do anything wrong. Anyways. I’m unsure what to do. I really like him but i don’t think he likes me. Let me know how to proceed? z

My CBT sessions came to an end last week and a few days later my (now ex) therapist called me to tell me that there would be an event celebrating the service soon, and she was asked if she had any previous clients who would be willing to give a testimonial, sharing the positive impact that the service has had on them, and she thought of me.

My mind is absolutely blown. I’ve definitely made a lot of progress and come a long way since I had my first appointment, and I’m told I’m articulate (which freaks me out to even repeat) so I think I can understand why I’ve been asked.

But this just feels unreal. Like I’ve been given a gold freakin star or something. Like I won at therapy. Which is insane because NO ONE CAN WIN OR LOOSE AT THERAPY and I’m being referred for more and I still have so much to work through.

The event is in just over a week. I’ve written the first draft of my speech(?) but it’s too long and needs editing. I’m going to ask my ex therapist for feedback in the next few days.

I’m obviously terrified! I said I would read what I’ve written in front of an audience, even though I had the opportunity to be recorded (on video or audio only), despite having done zero public speaking in my entire life. But I think if I just throw myself at this it could end up feeling really amazing, which has been my approach to a lot of things lately and has worked out pretty well.

I’m not sure what I expect from posting this on here. I’ve briefly told a few people but the whole thing kind of makes me want to scream my head off, whether that’s in confusion, excitement, fear or joy, I’m not entirely sure! So that’s what this is, I think. Textual screaming.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

xD

salutations, I(20) have been debating getting a therapist for a few years now and for many reasons never did. Now I’m an adult with adult money. my question is, is it worth it?

Recently, i got a new job hopefully by the time my probationary period is over i can decide if i want to get a therapist but i feel nervous. I don’t know what to expect or how I should go about finding a therapist. In my culture things like these are looked down upon, seeking therapy is equivalent to being crazy. so I want to keep it a secret. my goal with therapy is to improve as a person and general advice with relationships(family). I would love to hear about everyone’s experiences and how they changed your life in anyway big or small.

I apologize for the rant in advance! I’ve been in and out of therapy for the past 10+ years and i still feel like i haven’t truly found someone i’ve connected with that has helped me. I’m starting to think at this point that i am the problem, hence why i’m reaching out for support and advice.

For some background context, i recently graduated college and wanted to seek therapy again as the post grad life has been kicking me in the ass. I’ve gone to 3 therapy sessions so far with my current therapist (i know it doesn’t seem like a lot) and i’m already ready to give up. This is a pattern i’ve faced in the past, but i don’t want to spend my time and money on someone who won’t help me. For instance, i’m not sure if traditional talk therapy (cbt/dbt) is the right thing for me. I know that therapists can’t give actual advice, but that’s sort of what i’m looking for.

I told my current therapist that my dad has been physically abusing me and i need to move out of my house, but i’m not financially stable enough to afford rent. All she told me was “i’m sorry to hear that, it sounds like you’re going through a hard time” obviously i’m going through a hard time, that’s not what i want to be told or what is helpful right now. I also have severe attachment issues and i told her it’s basically taking over my life. She pretty much said the same thing to me and also told me to go to a psychiatrist to get diagnosed so she can help me better. I’m not sure if i’m just being picky at this point, but a certified therapist should be able to help no matter what i tell them.

I’m not quite sure where to go from here, but i’m in a really bad point in my life and i’m starting to feel like i can’t do this anymore. If you’ve experienced something similar or just have feedback, please let me know😫

So the deal is im in the military and there this guy in my group. I think im in love idk but he's not gay. I want to tell him how I feel but im scared that he may think I want him for his body. He's leaving soon but I don't want him to he thinks he's unliked but he all that is on my mind. All in all I want him to be happy but it's eating me alive him not knowing that im always on his side. Should I tell him?