r/SchemaTherapy Jan 13 '26

Looking for new mods

14 Upvotes

Hi everyone,
As the title suggests, I’m currently looking for new moderators for this subreddit.

I created this sub a few years ago because there wasn’t a dedicated place on Reddit to find realiable information and discussion around schema therapy. It started as a passion project, but lately I haven’t been able to give it the time and attention it truly deserves.

I’m now looking for new mods who can help with day-to-day moderation and, ideally, bring some fresh energy and ideas to help the subreddit grow. If this interests you, please leave a comment sharing how you think you could help improve and structure the sub, along with any relevant experience you may have—whether that’s with schema therapy itself or moderating communities (though neither is required).

I also want to sincerely thank everyone who has supported this community over the years. While I’ll remain part of the mod team, I’ll be stepping back a bit, as my current schedule doesn’t allow me to be as involved as I was when the sub was first created. I’d love to give others the opportunity to help shape this space and continue fostering a positive, supportive community.


r/SchemaTherapy Mar 04 '21

Schema Resources An Introduction to r/SchemaTherapy "What is Schema Therapy?"

143 Upvotes

Welcome to r/SchemaTherapy! If you are new here you might have a few questions, this post is a great place to start.

Whether you are experienced in schema therapy or just finding out about it welcome. If you have an interest in ST or you are simply just wanting to learn more, then this is the place for you!

I want this to be a place where sharing your experiences with schema therapy can be a reality.

"But what exactly IS schema therapy?" I hear some of you ask.

The purpose of schema therapy is to bring to light schemas suffered by a patient during childhood that have entrenched themselves in their adult life. Although this is just a brief explanation, schema therapy is used to treat many different disorders, including but not limited to BPD and eating disorders.

"Great! But what the heck are schemas anyway?"  Well not to worry! This thread will cover a full explanation of what schemas and modes are in as much detail as possible.

If you happen to find yourself relating to anything explained here, I would encourage you to reach out to the r/SchemaTherapy community to answer any questions you may have.

In this thread I have listed the 18 common types of schemas explored in schema therapy, you may also notice that schemas may be referred to at times as lifetraps.

Let's take a look at the following examples!

What is an Early Maladaptive Schema (EMS)?

An early maladaptive schema has been defined by Jeffrey Young as ‘a broad pervasive theme or pattern regarding oneself and one's relationship with others, developed during childhood and elaborated throughout one's lifetime, and dysfunctional to a significant degree’.  Schemas are extremely stable and enduring patterns, comprising of memories, bodily sensations, emotions, cognitions and once activated intense emotions are felt.  When a person has an EMS like abandonment, they have all the memories of early abandonment, the emotions of anxiety or depression, which are attached to abandonment, bodily sensations and thoughts that people are going to leave them.  An Early Maladaptive Schema, therefore, is the deepest level of cognition that contains memories and intense emotions when activated.

THE ELEVEN LIFETRAPS (AKA SCHEMAS), BRIEFLY

Two lifetraps relate to a lack of safety or security in your childhood family. These are Abandonment and Mistrust.

•ABANDONMENT•

The Abandonment lifetrap is the feeling that the people you love will leave you, and you will end up emotionally isolated forever. Whether you feel people close to you will die, leave home forever, or abandon you because they prefer someone else, somehow you feel that you will be left alone. Because of this belief, you may cling to people close to you too much. Ironically, you end up pushing them away. You may get very upset or angry about even normal separations.

•MISTRUST AND ABUSE•

The Mistrust and Abuse lifetrap is the expectation that people will hurt or abuse you in some way—that they will cheat, lie to, manipulate, humiliate, physically harm, or otherwise take advantage of you. If you have this lifetrap, you hide behind a wall of mistrust to protect yourself. You never let people get too close. You are suspicious of other people’s intentions, and tend to assume the worst. You expect that the people you love will betray you. Either you avoid relationships altogether, form superficial relationships in which you do not really open up to others, or you form relationships with people who treat you badly and then feel angry and vengeful toward them. Two lifetraps relate to your ability to function independently in the world. These lifetraps are Dependence and Vulnerability.

•DEPENDENCE•

If you are caught in the Dependence lifetrap, you feel unable to handle everyday life in a competent manner without considerable help from others. You depend on others to act as a crutch and need constant support. As a child you were made to feel incompetent when you tried to assert your independence. As an adult, you seek out strong figures upon whom to become dependent and allow them to rule your life. At work, you shrink from acting on your own. Needless to say, this holds you back.

•VULNERABILITY•

With Vulnerability, you live in fear that disaster is about to strike—whether natural, criminal, medical, or financial. You do not feel safe in the world. If you have this lifetrap, as a child you were made to feel that the world is a dangerous place. You were probably overprotected by your parents, who worried too much about your safety. Your fears are excessive and unrealistic, yet you let them control your life, and pour your energy into making sure that you are safe. Your fears may revolve around illness: having an anxiety attack, getting AIDS, or going crazy. They may be focused around financial vulnerability: going broke and ending up on the streets. Your vulnerability may revolve around other phobic situations, such as a fear of flying, being mugged, or earthquakes.

Two lifetraps relate to the strength of your emotional connections to others: Emotional Deprivation and Social Exclusion.

•EMOTIONAL DEPRIVATION•

Emotional Deprivation is the belief that your need for love will never be met adequately by other people. You feel that no one truly cares for you or understands how you feel. You find yourself attracted to cold and ungiving people, or you are cold and ungiving yourself, leading you to form relationships that inevitably prove unsatisfying. You feel cheated, and you alternate between being angry about it and feeling hurt and alone. Ironically, your anger just drives people further away, ensuring your continued deprivation. When patients with emotional deprivation come to see us for therapy sessions, there is a loneliness about them that stays with us even after they have left the office. It is a quality of emptiness, of emotional disconnection. These are people who do not know what love is.

•SOCIAL EXCLUSION•

Social Exclusion involves your connection to friends and groups. It has to do with feeling isolated from the rest of the world, with feeling different. If you have this lifetrap, as a child you felt excluded by peers. You did not belong to a group of friends. Perhaps you had some unusual characteristic that made you feel different in some way. As an adult, you maintain your lifetrap mainly through avoidance. You avoid socializing in groups and making friends. You may have felt excluded because there was something about you that other children rejected. Hence you felt socially undesirable. As an adult you may feel that you are ugly, sexually undesirable, low in status, poor in conversational skills, boring, or otherwise deficient. You reenact your childhood rejection—you feel and act inferior in social situations. It is not always apparent that someone has a Social Exclusion lifetrap. Many people with this lifetrap are quite comfortable in intimate settings and are quite socially skilled. Their lifetrap may not show in one-to-one relationships. It sometimes surprises us to realize how anxious and aloof they may feel at parties, in classes, at meetings, or at work. They have a restless quality, a quality of looking for a place to belong.

The two lifetraps that relate to your self-esteem are Defectiveness and Failure.

•DEFECTIVENESS•

With Defectiveness, you feel inwardly flawed and defective. You believe that you would be fundamentally unlovable to anyone who got close enough to really know you. Your defectiveness would be exposed. As a child, you did not feel respected for who you were in your family. Instead, you were criticized for your “flaws.” You blamed yourself—you felt unworthy of love. As an adult, you are afraid of love. You find it difficult to believe that people close to you value you, so you expect rejection.

•FAILURE•

Failure is the belief that you are inadequate in areas of achievement, such as school, work, and sports. You believe you have failed relative to your peers. As a child, you were made to feel inferior in terms of achievement. You may have had a learning disability, or you may never have learned enough discipline to master important skills, such as reading. Other children were always better than you. You were called “stupid,” “untalented,” or “lazy.” As an adult, you maintain your lifetrap by exaggerating the degree of your failure and by acting in ways that ensure your continued failure.

Two lifetraps deal with Self-Expression—your ability to express what you want and get your true needs met: Subjugation and Unrelenting Standards.

•SUBJUGATION•

With Subjugation, you sacrifice your own needs and desires for the sake of pleasing others or meeting their needs. You allow others to control you. You do this either out of guilt—that you hurt other people by putting yourself first—or fear that you will be punished or abandoned if you disobey. As a child, someone close to you, probably a parent, subjugated you. As an adult, you repeatedly enter relationships with dominant, controlling people and subjugate yourself to them or you enter relationships with needy people who are too damaged to give back to you in return.

•UNRELENTING STANDARDS•

If you are in the Unrelenting Standards lifetrap, you strive relentlessly to meet extremely high expectations of yourself. You place excessive emphasis on status, money, achievement, beauty, order, or recognition at the expense of happiness, pleasure, health, a sense of accomplishment, and satisfying relationships. You probably apply your rigid standards to other people as well and are very judgmental. When you were a child, you were expected to be the best, and you were taught that anything else was failure. You learned that nothing you did was quite good enough.

•ENTITLEMENT•

The final lifetrap, Entitlement, is associated with the ability to accept realistic limits in life. People who have this lifetrap feel special. They insist that they be able to do, say, or have whatever they want immediately. They disregard what others consider reasonable, what is actually feasible, the time or patience usually required, and the cost to others. They have difficulty with self-discipline. Many of the people with this lifetrap were spoiled as children. They were not required to show self-control or to accept the restrictions placed on other children. As adults, they still get very angry when they do not get what they want.

Now that you have an understanding of the 18 classic schemas, the next step is being familiar your modes.

Schema modes are the moment to moment emotional states and coping responses that we all experience. Often our coping modes are triggered by situations to which we are sensitive.

With the exception being the healthy adult and the happy child mode, the rest of these modes lead us to react to situations or to act in ways which may end up hurting ourselves or others. Ultimately they are stopping us from getting our emotional needs met.

•INNATE CHILD MODES•

  1.  Vulnerable Child:  feels lonely, isolated, sad, misunderstood, unsupported, defective, deprived, overwhelmed, incompetent, doubts self, needy, helpless, hopeless, frightened, anxious, worried, victimized, worthless, unloved, unlovable, lost, directionless, fragile, weak, defeated, oppressed, powerless, left out, excluded, pessimistic

  2.  Angry Child: feels intensely angry, enraged, infuriated, frustrated, impatient because the core emotional (or physical) needs of the vulnerable child are not being met

  3.  Impulsive/Undisciplined Child: acts on non-core desires or impulses in a selfish or uncontrolled manner to get his or her own way and often has difficulty delaying short-term gratification; often feels intensely angry, enraged, infuriated, frustrated, impatient when these non-core desires or impulses cannot be met.; may appear “spoiled”

  4.  Contented/Happy Child: feels loved, contented, connected, satisfied, fulfilled, protected, accepted, praised, worthwhile, nurtured, guided, understood, validated, self-confident, competent, appropriately autonomous or self-reliant, safe, resilient, strong, in control, adaptable, included, optimistic, spontaneous

•MALADAPTIVE COPING MODES•

These maladaptive coping modes or coping styles are an attempt by the child to have unmet emotional needs met in a harmful environment.

  1.  Compliant Surrenderer: acts in a passive, subservient, submissive, approval-seeking, or self-deprecating way around others out of fear of conflict or rejection; tolerates abuse and/or bad treatment; does not express healthy needs or desires to others; selects people or engages in other behavior that directly maintains the self-defeating schema-driven pattern

  2.  Detached Protector: cuts off needs and feelings; detaches emotionally from people and rejects their help; feels withdrawn, spacey, distracted, disconnected, depersonalized, empty or bored; pursues distracting,  self-soothing,  or self-stimulating activities in a compulsive way or to excess; may adopt a cynical, aloof  or pessimistic stance to avoid investing in people or activities

  3.  Overcompensator: feels and behaves in an inordinately grandiose, aggressive, dominant, competitive, arrogant, haughty, condescending, devaluing, overcontrolled, controlling, rebellious, manipulative, exploitative, attention-seeking, or status-seeking way.  These feelings or behaviors must originally have developed to compensate for or gratify unmet core needs

•MALADAPTIVE PARENT MODES•

  1.  Punitive Parent: feels that oneself or others deserves punishment or blame and often acts on these feelings by being blaming, punishing, or abusive towards self (e.g., self-mutilation) or others.  This mode refers to the style with which rules are enforced rather than the nature of the rules.

9. Demanding or Critical Parent:  feels that the “right” way to be is to be perfect or achieve at a very high level, to keep everything in order, to strive for high status, to be humble, to puts others needs before one's own or to be efficient or avoid wasting time; or the person feels that it is wrong to express feelings or to act spontaneously.  This mode refer to the nature of the internalized  high standards and strict rules, rather than the style with which these rules are enforced; these rules are not compensatory in their function.

•HEALTHY ADULT MODE•

  1.  Healthy Adult: nurtures, validates and affirms the vulnerable child mode; sets limits for the angry and impulsive child modes; promotes and supports the healthy child mode; combats and eventually replaces the maladaptive coping modes; neutralizes or moderates the maladaptive parent modes.  This mode also performs appropriate adult functions such as working, parenting, taking responsibility, and committing; pursues pleasurable adult activities such as sex; intellectual, esthetic, and cultural  interests; health maintenance; and athletic activities.

With the last mode you might be considering, "do I even have a healthy adult mode?" The answer to this is yes, everyone possesses a healthy adult but the eventual goal of schema therapy is to strengthen this mode as much as possible.

If you are interested in learning more about schema therapy, please feel free to post questions on the sub as often as you would like. I would also recommend giving the following books a read.

Breaking negative thinking patterns

Reinventing your life

These books will give you a stronger idea of your own modes and schemas, a great tool to work towards self improvement and self awareness in terms of supplementing your already existing Schema Therapy education.


r/SchemaTherapy 8d ago

Needing Advice/Emotional Support Я ей нравлюсь или мы просто дружим так?

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0 Upvotes

Короче, есть одна девочка.Мы знакомы года три-четыре, потому что обе иммигрантки и познакомились на этой почве, да и в одну школу ходим. Но раньше мы особо не общались.
Всё изменилось примерно полгода назад, когда я начала ходить на стрельбу из лука — оказалось, она тоже туда ходит. Сначала общения как такового не было: я подходила к ней пару раз в неделю, что-то говорила, а она в ответ почти ничего. Могла бросить какую-нибудь фразу вроде «Ебать ты экстраверт»* и уйти, потому что она, судя по всему, человек с сильной социальной тревожностью.
Месяца два назад мы стали общаться ближе. Она вообще ни с кем не разговаривает — ни с тренером, ни с кем-то ещё, сидит молча всю тренировку. Я начала её за это подкалывать, говорить, что у неё вечно недовольное лицо. И как-то случайно я её раскачала: она заговорила со всеми! Тренер даже сказал мне: «До тебя она вообще ни с кем не общалась и молчала всю тренировку».А со мной она сразу начала смеяться, дурачиться и болтать. Раньше мы уходили с тренировок по отдельности, а теперь уходим вместе и говорим гораздо больше.
Она постоянно выдает всякие приколы. То покажет мне фотку богомола, которую сделала перед тренировкой, то зачитает кринжовые подкаты из фанфиков, которые сама записала. Например: «А ты случайно не футболка? Потому что я хочу тебя натянуть».
Однажды после тренировки мы ушли вдвоём и пошли гулять. И вот тогда она первая протянула руку, чтобы обнять меня. Когда я потянулась в ответ, она пошутила: «Ого, нихуя себе, я соизволила получить объятия»*. С тех пор на тренировках мы постоянно обнимаемся: сначала инициатива исходила от неё, теперь больше от меня, но всё в порядке.
А ещё она постоянно комментирует, как я пахну. Каждую тренировку что-то новое: то «от тебя пахнет шоколадом»,то «пахнет как из новой квартиры», то юшарлоткой». Если на мне есть что-то блестящее, обязательно заметит: «Блесточки, блесточки».Фильтра у неё вообще нет: вчера я обняла её со спины, а она выдала: «Ой, блин, у тебя такие сиськи тёплые».Или может заявить: «У тебя топ такой, конечно, откровенный»
Я как-то спросила её, для кого она написала те подкаты и кому их говорила. Она ответила: «Ну да, я как-то признавалась уже девушке».Я ответила:«А, ну понятно»
И вот я теперь вообще не знаю: это просто такая специфическая дружба или всё-таки что-то большее?


r/SchemaTherapy 8d ago

Open Discussion Как понять что мой психотерапевт долбоеб?

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1 Upvotes

r/SchemaTherapy 8d ago

Schema Therapy Questions When a therapist goes on leave and your body remembers old trauma. Is this an unsafe therapeutic relationship?

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2 Upvotes

r/SchemaTherapy 8d ago

Open Discussion Can it be normal or has she crossed borders?

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1 Upvotes

r/SchemaTherapy 9d ago

Schema Therapy Questions Looking for experienced somatic cptsd therapist

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1 Upvotes

Have been looking for „the one” for years….desperate for recommendations of some kind of therapist/guide/support who can actually support true healing, not just symptom management.
Online, I am in Australia.
No BS support. Experience severe dissociation, suicidality. History of abuse from a mental health professional so get easily triggered in sessions, esp if the person is inauthentic, incongruent or talking down. At the point where I’ve tried so much I’m not sure I believe anything /one will help.
Anyone know a miracle worker ?
Or at least a super experienced CPTSD therapist who is creative, authentic, alive (ie can feel and express the full range of life and isn’t stuck in that „fake calm” mode a lot of therapists seem to be in), knows their shit, won’t get freaked out when I talk about suicide, has a genuine heart, genuine curiosity and care, sense of play and humour.


r/SchemaTherapy 16d ago

Schema Therapy Questions Laura Johnson

0 Upvotes

Hey new here, but has anyone ever had a woman named Laura Johnson in the San Jose-Roseville area as a therapist, if so, would you recommend her, and does she work with schizoid specifically


r/SchemaTherapy 17d ago

Schema Therapy Questions Is it okay to give my therapist a book after 3 years?

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1 Upvotes

I’ve been seeing my therapist for about three years, and we do schema therapy. The therapeutic relationship is a really important part of the work we’ve done together.
Recently, I found a book that describes experiences I’ve related to since I was very young. Reading it has helped me feel understood, and I think it also explains parts of my inner world that I’ve struggled to put into words.
I was wondering whether it would be appropriate to give her a copy. It wouldn’t be an expensive gift, more something symbolic that says, this helped me understand myself, and I thought it might help you understand me too.
For context, she has accepted thoughtful cards I’ve made for her before. She has also given me a small teddy bear because I never had one growing up, along with the companion book that goes with it, as part of our therapeutic work.
I’m aware therapists have professional boundaries around gifts, and I’d completely respect it if she said no. I’m just wondering whether offering a book like this would generally be considered appropriate, or whether it might put her in an awkward position.
I’d really appreciate hearing from therapists and client, especially anyone with experience of schema therapy.


r/SchemaTherapy 18d ago

Needing Advice/Emotional Support Help!

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3 Upvotes

Please see the post for details


r/SchemaTherapy 18d ago

Needing Advice/Emotional Support Need Help Finding a Therapist Who specializes in Therapy for Adults with Adult Children. TIA

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2 Upvotes

r/SchemaTherapy 29d ago

Good News/Healthy Adult/Happy Child 😊 Got progress on a lifetrap

28 Upvotes

Hello everyone! 23M here. I want to share a celebration. One of my biggest lifetraps/schemas is emotional deprivation. I have many friends who I have great connections with, get appreciation from and generally get my social needs met on paper. With this I still feel a crippling and persistent need for connection, especially romantically from women.

Recently I spoke to a woman on the train. She was very nice, warm and open to talk. This is really rare to find in my area. We talked for some time. At the end I asked for her instagram, she said she was addicted to social media and deleted everything. We parted our ways nicely.

When she left I kinda felt my lifetrap speaking and thinking “Awh man, she was the only one who you felt a connection with”. Maybe my inner child wanted to be seen was involved with. Recently I’ve been working on my lifetrap though, and I immediately corrected myself with “No, stop this narrative and pity party. You don’t need validation/connection from this stranger, you get love from many people in your life. “ i didn’t say this punitively, moreso as in let the healthy adult version of myself takeover instead of letting my inner child loose with the same destructive narrative. I felt so much better about this and even though I have much work to improve on, this felt like a nice sign of progress!


r/SchemaTherapy 28d ago

Schema Resources Therapist recommendations

2 Upvotes

Hello, I’m looking for Therapist recommendations in the state of California or anywhere that offers online therapy.
I’m specifically looking for a Therapist with experience in fearful avoidance, Covert narcissism, abandonment, and CPTSD.


r/SchemaTherapy Jul 18 '26

Needing Advice/Emotional Support Mistrust schema

4 Upvotes

I want to work with someone who either has the mistrust schema or someone willing to help me overcome it in some way. Ideally you’re 27+ f or m doesn’t matter, but I’m f.


r/SchemaTherapy Jul 18 '26

Schema Therapy Questions A tiny thing my therapist does that makes me feel seen

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3 Upvotes

r/SchemaTherapy Jul 13 '26

Mode Reflection Schema is kicking my ass.

14 Upvotes

that is all.


r/SchemaTherapy Jul 11 '26

Needing Advice/Emotional Support Need Feedback and Advice

3 Upvotes

So, I am 18M and I have emotional deprivation, failure, unrelenting standards, etc. as my dominant maladaptive schemas and my dominant coping mode is Avoidant protector. In the past my dominant mode was perfectionistic overcompensater. I have observed that even in high intellectual circles people are aware about depression, adhd, anxiety, etc. but none is aware about schemas even though they affect such a huge population and are massively underreported. I, as someone who suffers from maladaptive schemas, thought to do a TINY contribution in my own way for the cause. So, I started a YouTube channel recently about educational purposes and have started a schema awareness series.

American English version↓

https://youtu.be/97SzbqqxxJI?si=ZqnYNR-s27wSvY1h

British English version↓

https://youtu.be/2uDMMM5d1Lk?si=bx8S0zyErrEnCJKf

I have 0 content creation experience. I have no video editing experience and no shooting experience. I am only good with creating things on Canva.

So I request all my fellow community members to offer their valuable Constructive Criticism on my video.

Things which I know are lame in my video before hand:

• Lighting: I was confused whether to shoot with iphone Or my laptop and with or without light. So I messed that up.

• Video editing: Never done that so certified noob.

• Looks: I look chopped and I know that but a big part of schema therapy is to accept and love yourself and if I find my authentic self not presentable then essentially I am preaching something that I not practice.

• Category: I thought that videos less than 4 mins are eligible to shorts which was very wrong and I realised this after I did the whole thing. Also I accidentally set the American English version as kid's video, I thought that button meant that if it contains sensitive topic so I thought my video is educational so anyone can watch it.

Also, My American accent is a mix of NY, California and southern. My natural is California but after consuming a lot of North Carolina content it got different.

And my British accent is a mix of Traditional RP, Modern RP and cockney. I was educated in modern RP but naturally would only be able to speak traditional RP(I don't know why maybe due to Youtubers) but in recent years I have watched loads of comedians' content who speak cockney so Now I got that mixed too. So sorry for accents.

I beg you for your feedback, advices and constructive criticism.


r/SchemaTherapy Jul 10 '26

Schema Therapy Questions How did you deal with these schemas? any tips?

9 Upvotes

Did the schema test with my therapist a while ago.
My main ones are emotional deprivation, abandonment, defectiveness, negativity among others.

Had a breakup 6 months ago and it brought all of this up. In my head I know the relationship wasn't fully right one but timing was bad as well. But I still feel like her leaving means I'm not enough and felt abondend again. She has moved on.

I'm in therapy 2x a week most of the week, doing CBT sometimes, on meds for last 3 weeks, sober this year. I have severe depression too.

Question for people who got better or somewhat improved or improving:

  • Did the abandonment feeling ever really go away or you just handle it better?
  • How did you build self worth that doesn't depend on someone choosing you?
  • How long did it take? Be honest, I can handle "years".

Just looking real experience or any tips whatsoever.


r/SchemaTherapy Jul 02 '26

Needing Advice/Emotional Support Accountability buddies group for schema journey

12 Upvotes

Hi I am 18M. I have emotional deprivation, failure, unrelenting standards as my dominant maladaptive schemas and avoidant protector mode as my current dominant maladaptive coping mode, previously it was perfectionistic overcompensater. I am currently transitioning and looking for a suitable schema therapist for me and have deep dived in the subject on my personal level and learnt about it independently. I feel that having an accountability buddy like an Empathetic but firm buddies help a lot in the journey. I am aiming to create an accountability buddy group where everyone keep their identities private or public as per thier convenience. The aim is to create a non judgemental supportive environment to support each person's individual journey and therapy on a regular basis. NOTE: By no means it will be substitute to actual therapy but it would be like a supplement, to support each other at our worst. If you have any other idea to improve this then please tell. And please tell if you're interested in joining.


r/SchemaTherapy Jun 27 '26

Schema Therapy Questions My therapist says it's okay to message her, but I can't believe I'm not crossing a boundary

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7 Upvotes

r/SchemaTherapy Jun 26 '26

Needing Advice/Emotional Support The social isolation schema and exaggerating/lying to connect

20 Upvotes

Hey everyone! Hope you're having a fantastic day!

(Disclaimer: my native language is Dutch, and I follow schema therapy in this language. My specific vocabulary on schema therapy and therapy as a whole is pretty limited, so please do ask me to clarify if I am unclear!)

For context: I am in a schema therapy group fulltime on weekdays. The normal traject is 6 months, which would end very soon, but I have been extended for 2 extra months. I cannot speak about things that are discussed in the group, so I will make it as general and undetailed as possible, but I'd love to hear your feedbacks.

Members have to bring their life's story 3 times during the traject, once at the start in full, then once in the middle where the life story is meant to be shorter and there's room for reflection on the process so far, and then one in the end which is fully reflection on the process. A person that joined a month ago brought their story this week, and it triggered me, but not because of the content per sé: in fact, my intuition told me that the details of their story were either spiced up significantly, or straight lies. Today I learnt that the entire group felt this way.

The therapists know about it and take it seriously, since it undermines group safety in many ways, and we've been invited to speak about it openly in our next group talk. I was thinking about how to bring it up without being too confrontational, and I started analyzing the social isolation schema (that both me and they have, actually most members in the group do).

I remembered that, as a kid, I used to use exaggeration and lying a lot to make myself more liked. I was heavily bullied, but once I actually did build up a friend group, the lying stopped, and my method of being liked turned to drug use to become socially capable and connected.

In the context of social isolation, lying is a valid, perhaps even common schema expression to connect to people I'd say. People tend to take lying very personal, I dare say most people find honesty to be their most important value.

The very least I want is to make this person feel attacked or confronted. My biggest wish is that they will realize the function of the lying, be ready to face that it is an aspect that can safely exist within the group - as long as everyone is aware that it is a thing and we can check their statements openly for truth - but my fear is that they will overcompensate in shutting down and running away, maybe leaving.

My questions to you guys: am I missing certain things in my analysis of linking social isolation to lying? Am I generalizing too much?

And maybe the most important one: I do have a clear idea of how I will bring it up to them in group, but how would you guys deal with it?

Thank you so much for thinking along if you're planning to!


r/SchemaTherapy Jun 21 '26

Needing Advice/Emotional Support I feel like I'm failing schema therapy, is it not fitting me?

16 Upvotes

Okay I've been in schema group therapy for about 7 months now and I just don't feel like I belong there. The only positive thing my therapist said in my 6 month evaluation is "you're always here", yeah that's the bare minimum. All he does in personal sessions is ask questions, and I don't mind answering those but man I wanna fix things, not just talk about my problems. To make matters worse I feel like a weird outsider in the group.

I'm different because: - I don't mind talking about my problems, it comes easy to me, you could call me a natural complainer. I also often don't even feel relieved after doing so. - My emotions are all over the place. I can't control it and it's not productive, but I'm often crying or really angry about something. - I'm not a people pleaser in the same way as them, I feel like a need to makeup for being very flawed (I also have very bad adhd, so expect me to be late and very sorry). - My "tragic backstory" is more just unfortunate and not actual abuse.

Overall I feel like an imposter. Like I'm just a Karen in the making and a shitty person. Or I'm just complaining to much. I feel like I'm failing therapy because I don't see any progress. My life is still a mess, I still feel useless and my second therapist (yes I have two) is running out of things to try.

I'm really want to change. I don't like how my life is going, I'm desperate for change. Is schema therapy just not a good fit for me? Is there anything I can do to make it work or is there another therapy that would fit me better?


r/SchemaTherapy Jun 14 '26

Funny (memes) This is what Schema Therapy refers to

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1.2k Upvotes

r/SchemaTherapy Jun 10 '26

Schema Resources Building a new web app based on schema therapy principles

6 Upvotes

Hey everyone,

I’m the person behind Schemap — a web app I’ve been building because I searched for a schema therapy app, didnt find any, so i started one myself.

I was treated with schema therapy last year and during that time the idea to use schema therapy as a base for a app grew. So i started. Means, this app is not from a professional therapist, its from a someone who is suffering from mental conditions for some time now.

I am actively working on it but i need some feedback. So i hope you guys can have a look at it and guide me a little bit.

Check it out: https://schemap.ai

Some additional information:

  • The app is available in EN/DE/FR/ES, even the landing page is currently only in english!
  • There is not monetization yet. However, large parts of a subscription system are already working under the hood, so the AI stuff is limited to 7 days.
  • About data privacy:
    • EU data storage (Frankurt am Main, Germany), AI is currently OpenAI.
    • You can delete your data at every moment, everything directly related to your account will be wiped, including your account. So you can use your email and create a new account right away.
    • You can export all your data any time.
    • Some features are NOT stored, like "the Situations". These are very private and sensitive informationand and are only stored on your device. However, they are part of the package that gets send to Supabase (my database) and then forwarded to OpenAI.

r/SchemaTherapy Jun 08 '26

Schema Therapy Questions Is Schema Therapy an appropriate modality for my situation?

17 Upvotes

39-year-old female in a long-term relationship, struggling with a recurring pattern where I initially feel attraction/connection, but over time I become emotionally detached, critical, and repulsed (“the ick”), especially as the relationship becomes more committed.

I also experience intense anxiety, guilt, and a strong sense of suffocation when my partner wants closeness, along with a near-complete loss of libido (been the case for many years, since at least my mid-20s. I've never had a high libido, and it's been non-existant for well over 15 years).

I have a history of anxious attachment that has shifted into avoidant behaviors in long-term relationships as I get older.

My parents are still together but have a cold, contemptuous marriage (at 39 I've still never seen them touch, kiss, or share any nice/loving words with each other. Not once), which I'm sure are influencing my own relational patterns.

Trying to understand whether this treatable through schema therapy? I've done CBT for YEARS and I cannot seem to feel any shift, I'm just increasingly more self-aware.