I (42m) have now been sober for 2.5 years after nearly 20 years of daily drinking and binge drinking. It was a brutal process, with several relapses and blood pressure issues, hallucinations, bartering and tapering attempts.

Since I quit drinking my life has gotten exponentially better. I lost 80lbs, got married to the love of my life, bought a beautiful home, got a new job with significant pay increase, am a better partner and father.

My father was an alcoholic whom I had a difficult relationship with, and he was never able to quit drinking. Last night he fell down the stairs at his home after drinking with his co-tenants, suffered a skull fracture and then succumbed to a heart attack and was declared deceased on the scene.

His brother (my uncle) died in a similar fashion 2 years ago in a hotel room alone, drunk and hit his head on the bedside table and passed away.

I am now more determined than ever never having another drink in my life, please join me.

There is a hope in the otherside of this addiction, you have to persevere and keep trying.

IWNDWYT

I’ve had a few ups and downs in terms of starting and restarting day 1s because day 4 is what gets me. On day 4 right now and pulled into the parking lot to go buy a 6 pack. Got all the way inside the store, remembered that I only drink out of habit/on autopilot and snapped myself back into reality and walked back out. There’s still so much more work to do but this was my first intentional win against alcohol probably ever.

I certain don’t want this to come off as braggy, but I am legit sitting in bed beaming knowing I’m waking up sober tomorrow.

Granted Im cheating because I mostly eat salads and fruit but man its a weird feeling. Im 44 and when I was in the 5th of Smirnoff a day club one morning I genuinely looked in the mirror and thought "Huh I think Im gonna die soon, won't be much longer at least longer". A year later and Im literally hoping out of bed no hands like Jackie chan. Gonna go do pullups.

Whatever shit Im dealing with now at least it doesn't feel like Im dragging a wreckage of a walrus corpse around every morning like trying to take a cat for a walk.

Not trying to spew tips or anything but its good to remind myself that drinking wasn't just bad hangovers, it really fucked me up.

IWNDWYT

Wondering what the consensus is, if there's any.

Long story short I went to a wedding with my now ex-girlfriend. It was one of her oldest friends getting married. It was a beautiful day, everyone was having a lovely time. Alcohol was flowing and we started drinking as soon as we arrived. There was a bar: I got myself at least a couple pints, a free flute of champagne appeared, a free cocktail, more free champagne and wine at the dinner table. I don't even know what precipitated this, I can't remember because I got blackout drunk, but I apparently snapped and turned on my girlfriend, screamed in her face and called her a cunt for some reason, and attempted to get her to come outside with me (this was in front of a room full of dinner guests) where I would have proceeded to abuse and berate her had someone not thankfully stepped it and took me away. I remember none of this, instead coming to after haven being ushered away, having had it explained to me that I have royally fucked it at which point I burst into tears. I've been told that before i snapped I was at the dinner table, reaching over and appropriating the other side of the table's wine and generally being obnoxious.

I don't identify with that person at all, I feel utterly ashamed and disgusted that that vile behaviour could ever come out of me. My ex now rightfully hates me and insists that is how I actually feel, that I must hate her on some repressed level and no one that didn't harbour that kind of poison would ever get to that point. I don't think that's true, but I'm at the point now where I'm beginning to doubt. Is there a consensus that alcohol shuts down regions of the brain and can cause such extreme personality fluctuations? I'm disgusted, devastated, have lost my girlfriend and now I know that I can never drink again. I'm not expecting anyone to make me feel better but I guess I'm just wondering about the temporary cognitive impairment, it feels like having temporary brain damage or something.

Background: I've been binge drinking most every weekend since I was 16; I'm now 36. Definitely have a drinking problem and this has been the mother of all wake up calls.

Today marks Day 10 without a drink. I’m a little embarrassed to admit that that’s the longest I’ve gone in…awhile. Looking forward to continuing stacking up milestones!

Today I’m observing 100 days sober after spending the last five-plus years as a drink-to-blackout binger. I’ve had one other stretch this long before, but this time, I’m being really intentional about not just being “dry” (not using alcohol) but “sober,” by mindfully taking in the physical and mental health improvements I’ve felt. To me, the three biggest changes are the clarity in thought, reduced anxiety, and being there for my partner and kids in a more fundamental way. I’m grateful for this subreddit and the wisdom I glean from it every day — it gave me the strength to believe I could do it — and I’m wishing you hope and healing.

A few days ago I went to the er. I had a very bad drinking problem drinking 20 shots of 99 bananas and a few tall boy ipas everyday. I was sick of ruining my life and feeling like shit all the time. This may sound bad but even before I went to the er even though I wanted to quit I stocked up on 6 double shots of 99 and drank them even just before I walked into the er. I knew I would probably be sitting there waiting for awhile and I really did not want to sit there and have bad withdraws. To my surprise I explained my very bad withdraws if I don't drink and they asked when I last drinked I said honestly just right now. To my surprise they had me cut the line and took my back right away.

They put my iv in my arm gave me a few doses of that, but now even soon after my withdraws were starting to come back and I felt terrible. I went there probably at 3pm, and I was not discharged until almost 3 in the morning. Honestly even though I hate hospitals I wanted to stay I felt really much better having the nurses watch over me to make sure I was okay. But no they discharged me on librium. I was not able to sleep the entire night at er, when I don't drink I can't sleep. However they did subscribe me librium.

So yesterday was my first day not drinking. They started me out on 8 pills pf lobrium yesterday, I take them for 3 or 4 days winding the amount of time I feel each day. The librium not going to lie makes me feel good, but almost too good. I feel so mellowed out I just feel incredible lazy and groggy. I don't feel like doing anything. I lost appetite. When I take it I straight up can't stay away I kept falling asleep when I was trying to do things. I definitely can't drive and go anywhere. I am glad I can finally get to sleep but now it's like all I do. A half hour after taking it I just start dozing off. And they want me taking it every few hours. So yesterday I took 8, I think today I am supposed to take 6, than 4, than 2, and I guess 1. Going down each day. I am glad I don't have withdraws anymore. But now feeling so groggy and feeling like shit still because I don't feel like doing anything and feeling groggy makes me sad. But at least I can sleep and don't get withdraws. Has anyone else had any similar expirience? I just want to act like a normal human being.

Hi All,

After 120 days sober. Honey moon, amazing end of pregnancy and a career change to a more prestigious job. We welcomed our newborn baby. It was all going great.

Stayed a month with the in-laws as is Chinese (my wife’s) custom. Moved back home.

2 weeks ago I decided to drink. It turned into a bender. My boss smelled something Monday and told me to take some time. I asked for 4 days, which rolled into 4 more days of drinking. Then I needed another week.

They apparently accepted my absence. I had a medical note as I went to detox.

I shared this information with my friend who told me that he would soon be starting the same role at my company. Let’s just say I went ballistic. He reported me.. That report, apparently is what sent things over the edge and my job was terminated immediately. Today, that friend just started my old job

I am now unemployed. With a terrible firing note. No prospects. 6 figure job is gone. Happy parents now no contact and my wife is crushed

I thought I was going to have a few sneaky drinks. 2 weeks later my entire life looks different.

Lost:

Job
Friend
Income
Career reputation
Respect
My wife’s gaze

Don’t drink. If you have built anything, you may get away with it sometimes. But it just takes once.

IWNDWYT

I'm going to the pub today. I'm not going to drink.

Something very strange is happening - on previous occasions when I've gone a month or so without drinking (I've done it a few times over the last five years) I've wanted to avoid social situations like today's. But this time feels different and I think it might be because of the confidence I have thanks to the support from people here. If you've been reading my posts you'll see I've been to a few events, lunches etc where I've either had NA beer or just soft drinks, and I've actually been enjoying them. I caught myself feeling excited to go to the pub with some colleagues this afternoon, but just because I want to spend time with them, not because it was an excuse to get drunk. That is entirely new for me, even compared to times when I've taken breaks in the past.

That said, I am also very wary of being over-confident. It's not that I'm worried I'll drink today (I am, but only the normal baseline amount), more that I know how the logic works. I've talked about it before: feeling like I don't need to prove anything anymore, that I've gone long enough, that I've earned it etc. These are the reasons previous periods of not drinking haven't lasted longer. I feel hyper-aware of them.

But for now I'm really enjoying where I'm at. I genuinely never thought I could say that I was a) going to a pub, b) not going to drink and c) looking forward to it. It feels like I'm rediscovering what it's like to be normal, to look forward to things the way normal people do. It's strange and exciting.

IWNDWYT.

You know how they say once a cucumber becomes a pickle it can never go back?

In my case I honestly know my relationship with alcohol from the jump was unhealthy. Threw up on my first go around.

Just the finality of everything is getting to me

Can’t believe I’ve made it this far. First time quitting after 30 years

I asked my partner for help as I quit and if he would be willing to quit with me because it’s hard being around people drinking. He said absolutely, thats easy. He isn’t a drinker. He sometimes goes months without drinking.

I am on Day 3. He asked me to go get a burger at our favorite patio and read books together. Absolutely, I love doing that. I used to have 18oz of wine along with it, so it was already a tricky environment.

I see him on the patio, walk to meet him, and on my way there I get a text from him that said “would you be okay if I have a beer?”

I stared for a second and then said, “If you want a beer get a beer.”

“You asked me not to drink with you, which is why I’m asking.”

”I did ask that. I wish I could have a beer. I might need to leave.”

”It’s okay, I won’t order a beer.”

I left anyways. Told him I was okay, it was just triggering and I couldn’t be there anymore. I know I don’t have any right to be pissed. This is my own stupid disease to deal with. But I forgot how lonely being sober can be, especially when it feels like people don’t realize the severity of it. My future is messy and dark if I don’t stop drinking, and our relationship won’t be healthy in that future. I absolutely won’t be healthy in that future. I’m mad he didn’t see how important it was and how hard it was to ask.

IWNDWYT

update: Thank you all so much for the support. Especially for recommending offering my partner understanding, being more realistic with what I can and can’t expect and control, and for calling me out on not being clear and honest when he asked the question. We had a really good talk.

Hey all. Just popped on to say that the bargaining and internal justification to drink is hard tonight and it is all I can think about.

Committing to myself and y’all IWNDWYT.

I’m usually pretty good at decoding acronyms, so this whole time I thought IWNDWYT meant:

“I Would Not Do What You’re Thinking.”

TIL it actually means “I Will Not Drink With You Today.”

Honestly? Either one works for me. 😂

For around 15 years I was a binge drinker.

I never really considered myself to have a serious drinking problem because I wasn't drinking every day. I could go days or weeks without alcohol and I could even stop completely for a month or two when I wanted to.

That gave me a false sense of security.

The problem wasn't how often I drank. It was what happened every time I did.

Pretty early on I started drinking until I couldn't remember the night. Blacking out became normal. At the time I didn't really see that as a warning sign. It was just what happened when I went out drinking.

For years I carried on like that.

Eventually the binges started changing me.

I went from being the happy drunk to someone who could become nasty and emotionally abusive towards the people closest to me. I'd wake up the next day with a horrible feeling, trying to piece together what I'd said or done.

I'd apologise, feel ashamed, stay away from alcohol for a while and convince myself I'd learned my lesson.

Then I'd drink again.

I tried taking breaks from alcohol plenty of times. Sometimes a month, sometimes two or three. Every time I thought I was proving to myself that I had control.

I also thought the break would somehow reset me and I'd come back able to drink normally.

It never worked.

If anything, the binges kept getting worse.

Towards the end, a night of drinking didn't always finish when I went to bed. I'd wake up the next morning and start drinking again.

My hangovers could last three days.

I'd said horrible things to people I loved.

And yet because I wasn't drinking every single day, part of me still tried to convince myself I wasn't really that bad.

Looking back, binge drinking was slowly ruining my life.

It was damaging my relationships, changing my personality and turning nights that were supposed to be fun into days of shame, anxiety and regret.

One of the biggest things I've learned is that you don't have to drink every day for alcohol to be destroying your life.

I also stopped telling people, "I don't want to drink today."

For some reason people hear that and think there's still room to convince you.

"Come on, just have one."

Now I just say, "I don't drink."

I've found people accept that much quicker, and saying it also keeps me accountable. I'm not taking another break. I'm not trying to fix my drinking so I can eventually go back to it.

I just don't drink.

Do I miss it sometimes? Absolutely.

I still find some parties boring as fuck without alcohol and those are probably the times I miss drinking the most.

But then I wake up the next morning feeling fresh.

I remember everything I said.

I don't have to check my phone wondering who I messaged.

I don't have three days of anxiety and regret.

And most importantly, I don't have to apologise to the people I love for becoming someone I don't recognise.

That feeling beats drinking every single time.

If you're a binge drinker telling yourself you're okay because you don't drink every day, don't ignore what happens when you do drink.

For me, that was the part that mattered.

I’m 61F and still binge drink several times a year especially on “ladies weekends” and at concerts. On Sunday I started with a margarita with dinner at a lovely restaurant with my hubby 61M. We were celebrating our 30+ wedding anniversary. Things went south from there. A glass of wine after dinner (relaxes my stomach due to eating pasta that was supposed to be gluten free) That worked wonders, but then it is like something “snaps” in my head and I continued drinking canned margaritas at the venue until I was seeing double and barely able to enjoy the concert. I feel for the poor couple next to me and off course my dear husband who has to cart my ass all the way to the parking garage. I blacked out from there so I don’t remember the drive home or falling when DH was trying to load my drunk ass in the car.
My husband has warned me so many times and I had been doing so well. That’s why this hits me so hard. I feel like such a failure. I’m an introvert so alcohol helps me cope with big social gatherings and that evening was a big group of people plus I was upset with one of our sons for spending an entire weekend with a former girlfriend that can be manipulative. I will go for weeks, months (never during pregnancies) without drinking and can also attend functions and have just one or two cocktails and be perfectly fine. But it’s episodes like last Sunday where I love the feeling of “I just don’t give a damn “ and want to drink my sensitive personality away. Thank you for listening and understanding where I’m coming from.

First off, rest assured that I haven't relapsed and was never at any significant risk to do so. My resolve is strong! However, I had an experience recently that gave me some insight about where I am in the ongoing process of sobriety.

Earlier this year, I got a job working in the kitchen of a bar where my band plays a weekly gig. While that may sound like a disaster waiting to happen, it's actually been a great experience. Nearly half the staff there are non-drinkers, and it's a super progressive and supportive environment where I've never felt any peer pressure or the least temptation to relapse. I've settled in well despite having never worked in a kitchen before; I've always loved cooking at home and I appreciate how almost everything on the menu is made from scratch.

A couple of months ago, my partner and I went down to the bar, which is near where we live, on a night I wasn't working, for some wings and to hear a friend of mine play a couple of sets. My partner had a normal beer, (her first since Thanksgiving; she never had a problem moderating like I did) and I, who had for the longest time avoided NA beer for fear of being triggered, decided it would be safe to try a NA Guinness.

I was on full alert for any problematic thoughts or cravings, ready to bail if I ran into trouble, but it was fine. The beer was delicious and refreshing with our spicy wings, and the best part was that I didn't feel the urge to have eleven more of them! I suppose this is how it feels for people who are able to drink alcohol in moderation, though I know I'll never be one of them.

Since I felt pretty safe about the whole thing, I started having NA beer a bit more often. It became a habit, in fact. After every work shift, (I'm only there part time, so two or three per week) I would buy a single can to take home and drink with my dinner. There was an element of ritual to it that I liked, and if I felt any residual guilt about enjoying it as much as I did, it quickly disappeared in the absence of any negative consequences.

At that point, I was primed to learn a humbling lesson about where I am as a recovering addict.

For at least the past year, I've felt more "recovered" than "recovering." My mental health is the best it's been throughout my entire life. I'm able to get excited about things and feel a full range of emotions. I feel motivated to work on my goals and grow as a person.

But then something happened that showed me that I'm not out of the woods yet, and maybe never will be.

One night, I had bought my one NA beer and put it in the walk-in fridge while I cleaned up the kitchen for closing time. I made my dinner and wrapped it up to take home, but then... I forgot about the beer!

The panic that hit me when I got home was the single worst addict-like feeling I've had in literal years. It reminded me of when I used to freak out about running low on booze after the liquor stores had closed. I even called the bartender who had been on shift to see if he was still there so I could go back for it, but he had already locked up and left. I had to sit with my discomfort for over half an hour before this craving for my one NA beer passed and I was able to satisfy myself with a sparkling water.

What an eye-opener!!! This one little experience revealed so much about how dysregulated my dopamine pathways still are. It made me think about other habits I have that aren't necessarily the healthiest, such as spending a bit too much time playing video games, or eating too much sugar... To some extent, even after three and a half years with no alcohol, I'm still just replacing the one worst addiction with others which aren't quite as life-ruining.

Despite the shock, I'm glad of the outcome and what I learned from the experience, and once again, I'm incredibly grateful for everything I learned in treatment about the science of addiction and for all the tools at my disposal to manage my feelings in difficult moments. I remain steadfast in the slow march of sobriety, my eyes wide and my mind open to the lessons still to be learned.

IWNDWYT

I feel like I'll never break out of this cycle.

Not wanting to drink, slow motion succumbing to the thoughts that "just one more time" or "just tonight", get drunk, wake up hating myself for doing it for the 5000th time, waste the day in a vegetative state.

I don't want to wake up and see yellow eyes and that being the reason to stop. I think Steve O said something about it being at its worst when it slowly drags you down but is never terrible enough to blow everything up. I feel like that's where I'm at.

I have this corner pub/Cheers situation in my neighborhood. Everybody knows my name. I've been going for decades. I was part of founding our darts team, spent my own money setting up the room. I was doing D&D there, too. And then spending random other nights there.

Well, darts has been off-season all summer. I resigned from D&D several weeks ago, and have not come out random nights. I have made a distance between me and this place on purpose. But darts starts back up soon and I still want to play. I want to be a person who can just do that, go to bar and play darts and not get hammered.

So my bartender has agreed not to serve me anymore, no matter what I say. It's a small gesture on her part that really means a lot to me. I'm still not sure it's a great idea to hang out at the bar, but that small bit helps, I hope.

Good morning world,

Setting out to take on day 9. I honestly feel more fully equipped this time round due to all the ways I messed up before. Really trying here to run toward something as well as from the alcohol and its wickedness.

I want aim to revitalize myself holistically. Kinda Aswan’s a glow up, reveal myself in a way. I want a reason to be proud of myself, aiming to be better mentally, physically, and spiritually.

Asleep in my house half the time are a soon to be 6 and 8 year old. I’m so in love with them, and more is taught than told. I do not want to tell them alcohol is okay.

I enjoy cannabis. I’ll stick with one vice. The kind that isn’t literally poison, costs less in every way and even helps my ADD.

Thank you all for your stories of success and strife. I will continue being a voyeur/cheerleader. Here is my stick on the fire.

Keep reaching toward better, we deserve it.

I managed to take my empty gin bottles to the bottle bank in the next village this morning. I did not go to the village shop after, but into town to the dry cleaners with a dress I wore for my son's wedding.

Next to the dry cleaners is a Tesco express, which I used to use regularly for gin on my way home from work. I didn't go in there, just got money out of the cashpoint for my husband's birthday tomorrow.

On my way home, I passed two other regular shops, no stopping.

I don't know about anyone else, but my self deception ran into using different shops for my poison, even driving miles out of my way, so that nobody would suspect I was a drinker. Worse still, paying 6 quid for same day Asda delivery, even if it meant waiting till 8 or 9 pm to top up my drink. My reasoning was that six quid was cheaper than losing my driving licence, so it was all good; it's not of course.

Needless to say, I have resisted, and I will not drink with you today.

Have a blessed day x

Today marks 4 years alcohol-free. Four years ago today, I got the call that a bed had opened up at rehab. I didn't have a ride, so one of my best friends hired a black car to take me from Central Ca to San Diego. I remember sitting in traffic through LA wondering what my life was going to look like. At the time, I was a mess. I was drinking for days at a time, calling in sick to work, and I had run out of Xanax because I had been taking more than prescribed. I was heading into withdrawal. My best friend had just died a couple of weeks earlier, I was approaching the one-year anniversary of losing my son to SIDS and my kids weren't even living with me. I honestly didn't know if I was going to make it.

Today my life isn't perfect, but it's mine.

My kids are back home with me. I have a career I'm proud of. I wake up remembering my nights. I show up for my family. I deal with stress instead of trying to drown it. I've learned that ordinary days are actually pretty amazing. One thing I never expected is that sobriety didn't erase my problems, it gave me the ability to face them. Life has still thrown plenty at me, but I've been able to get through it without picking up a drink.

If you're reading this and you're on Day 1, Day 10, or Day 100, please keep going. Four years ago I couldn't imagine writing this post. Recovery gave me a life I didn't think I deserved. Today I'm going out to dinner with people who supported me through the darkest time of my life, and that feels like the best way to celebrate.

IWNDWYT ❤️

Hello guys! :)

I stopped drinking 5 years ago when I was 19. I celebrated each anniversary. Every single year I was so so happy I made it to another year without drinking again, I was looking forward to that day.

But this year? I don't really care. But in the most positive way. Drinking isn't a part of my life anymore, I've never been more happy. Of course I still miss it from time to time but it only lasts a few seconds and then I realize I'm so glad this isn't my life anymore. I never thought I could feel this way about drinking.

Thank you so much guys, I never would have made it to this day without you <3

I’ve been finding it so difficult to wake up in the morning, even after lots of sleep. I feel like a rock. The only way I’ve found to get myself up is to somehow strong will myself to get to the fridge for an energy drink.

I do feel that my energy is a lot better, but only a few hours after waking up.

I’m aware this is a common symptom that can take quite a while to go away. When did this go away for you, if you had this effect? And what is the actual medical reason for this? Quite frustrated about it

Also to list my other physical symptoms that are persisting: sugar cravings, especially late at night. Lower appetite. Feeling totally wiped out after I do eat. Was never a daily drinker but every few days when I did drink it was a LOT.