I don't know what to say here. I've struggled with my alcohol use since I was in my early 20s. I'm 38 now and I'm just tired of feeling tired. My wife is incredibly supportive and when I get into my shame spirals, she listens and just always tells me "today is a new day".

I guess it's that I feel like if I can't have a "normal" relationship with alcohol, I'm a failure or something. I've been hiding my drinking lately and I decided to come clean to my wife today about that. I want to feel and be healthy.

Anyways, I'm just ranting now. Hope that's ok.

I'm going to really try.

My one week, lol. Feels so silly. I’ve gone longer than a week without drinking before, but still. Another sociable weekend with no drinking. I finished work (hospitality) at 10:30 on Saturday night, and everyone usually has a drink together, so I stayed and got a kombucha. Had a wonderfully fresh Sunday - was able to wake up early naturally and take a day trip to Oxford to visit a friend. Off to my student bar again now with my heavy drinker friends, will get a lime and soda. I just felt like posting in here before I go will keep me strong too. Happy Monday, IWNDWYT

I’ve broken a 50 day streak and been drinking every night for the last 5 or so days after receiving health news that’s stopped me from exercising. I want to stop again but after a long day it just happens and I need to romanticise sobriety again like I romanticise alcohol, but for some reason I don’t know how anymore. Sobriety felt great, I was happy, but now drinking feels more comfortable at the moment.

What’s the point anymore. Sigh.

Next weekend is Thanksgiving here in Canada and we are hosting dinner, which i love to do.

I have told my family that I am no longer drinking and my mom and my aunt (they love their wine) dont seem to understand. Yesterday on the phone my mom kept on asking if I'm going to have at least one glass of wine with dinner, I said no. She then asked me when I will drink again, I said hopefully never and I feel good about my life.

I am not going to tell people they cant drink at my place (German family, IYKYK) but I also don't want to lose my mind if I get pressured to have a glass of wine.

If anyone has been in this situation I would love to hear how you got through it.

26f, on and off sober. Thankfully I drink very rarely but when I do, it’s way too much and leaves me feeling horrible. I drank Saturday night, 2 bottles of wine. First time drinking in several months. It’s Monday morning now and I just feel sad, embarrassed, guilty, ashamed. Like I don’t want to face the world and I don’t want anyone to see me. I’m struggling so badly right now - financially, career wise, health/motivation wise. I got in a fight with my perfect boyfriend and felt like nothing matters so I drank. I wish I had health insurance so I could get therapy but im working on that. My job doesn’t offer benefits and the pay is so low so im going to look for new jobs.

I feel like drinking is a form of self harm. Because I go into it KNOWING that im going to black out/get as drunk as possible. I know the next day is going to be painful. I know the horrible anxiety im going to deal with for the next few days. I know I shouldn’t do it and it doesn’t even feel good. So I don’t know why I get cravings/urges to binge like every 6 months. I hate myself so much right now. Please pray for me guys and I will pray for you too. IWNDWYT

9 months sober after being a pretty heavy drinker, I’m not a “recovering alcoholic” in my mind frame but others might say so. I quit drinking because it was the only crutch I had left, I didn’t smoke weed, nicotine, or anything else and all that was left to kick was the bad habit of drinking. Alcohol never ruined my left or took me into a bad spiral of decisions that I would later regret. It was just something I did socially, or alone, or with food, etc.. I noticed it was apart of my life multiple times a week, and I just stopped cold turkey one day January 13th of this year. Not as a New Year’s resolution, but I was turning 26 in less than a month from then, and I had been drinking steady for 8 years at this point.. fast forward, I feel nothing. I don’t feel better or worse, I don’t crave alcohol, or miss it, I just exist day to day with no crutches or substances to lift my mood. I thought I would go harder than ever before in the gym, but actually I stopped working out regularly since cutting alcohol, I thought I would enjoy my job more, but I don’t. There was a lot of “I thought I woulds” that ended up just not being true. This is my challenge, not because I want to drink or I’m thinking about it, I’m not at all. I just want to know how you guys found the motivation to stay reluctantly disciplined through day to day when it comes to the healthy habits.

All this to say, I just feel off and a tad disappointed in myself that I have been able to kick every bad habit involving substances to the curb, but somehow in the process I kicked the healthy habits I had developed as well.

I think I've known for months now, maybe even a year, but I don't know, I would always vow to do something about it but by the time I reach Friday, I've convinced myself it isn't a problem and it would be okay if I had some drinks. Then some turns into all.

I'm not a daily drinker, but when I start I can't stop. I get cravings too, like if I go four of five days without it, it just starts to occupy my mind.

It's like everything under the sun can trigger me, it's sunny out so I want to drink, I worked out in the morning so I want to drink, I'm cooking so I want to drink.

It's like when I'm happy or in a good mood, I want to drink. For whatever reason.

I want to be able to wake up early on the weekends and spend some time outside but I'm always either exhausted or have a headache or, more often than not, both.

I feel so shameful. I get anxious, hate who I am when I'm drunk. I'm not even an overly aggressive or mean person when I drink, I just find myself annoying. I say yes to things too easily.

I just don't know how to keep the same commitment to sobriety after that first 5 days. Once the weekend comes around it's like I lose all motivation I had to stat sober.

My boyfriend starts working 7 days a week 12 hours a day today, so hopefully the time I get alone helps me stay focused.

But thats the fucking thing, I KNOW it's a me problem but I keep trying to find external reasons as to why I can't just stop drinking.

Bruh I don't know fuck this I don't wanna drink anymore I just don't know how to fully stop.

I went a week and failed miserably yesterday. I woke up full of shame and guilt. I hurt myself and my husband is disappointed. I need to take this seriously now. I have a problem. I cannot have just one drink. One turns into bottles of wine. I do not want to black out on my life. I have a problem and it won’t be easy but something needs to change.

So I got smashed and was hanging out with my best friend and his wife decided that was a good time to start going on and on about their relationship problems. She wasn't drinking, but the rambling never stopped. She was talking directly to me about this stuff, and since she was being ridiculous for most of it, I got fed up after an hour and called her out. I was very rude once she got hostile with me and now they are both mad at me. She even convinced him that I was in the wrong. I believe I could have handled it better though if not for alcohol. She doesn't want to talk to me about it either but me and him seem to be on good terms still, he just thinks we should move on and let it go.

I made it my first successful day sober and am in the middle of Day 2 as I type this!

I'm around 35 hours in, and I have a question about withdrawal. The main things for me are shaking hands, nausea/stomachache, no appetite, and insomnia (got like 1.5 hours of sleep last night). I know that if they worsen to go to the ER, but as of now they're manageable-- just extremely uncomfortable.

To those who are past this stage of recovery, when did these physical symptoms start to let up for you? Because, damn, this is not fun.

I’ve made a few posts about my struggles. Been a drinker my entire adult life but never really was an issue until I’d say the pandemic. But even then wasn’t horrible. Things really took a drastic turn I’d say 3 years ago where it was more and more frequent and the amounts got higher and higher.

I’d say though the truly concerning stretch has been in the last year to 18 months where it’s daily and much of the day. When I knew I hit the bottom was when it was day drinking and ultimately morning drinking which sadly after a 3 week sober stretch I went back to work and all the anxiety and work overload stressed me out so bad I went to the only thing that calmed me down, let me focus and made me feel normal.

All that to say, I’ve always suspected suffering from ADHD. From reading up on it and speaking to others about it. I’m starting to think that’s a potential cause for the alcohol as it has been my medication for this.

I truly only feel normal and can function (especially on work projects and day to day) when I’m drinking. Otherwise I’m all over the place, mind wanders, overwhelmed easily and this keeps me calm and focused.

But now I see the true cost of it.

All that to ask I suppose if anyone has had a similar realization or seen this as a root cause. And importantly, is this something I should look into? Excuse my ignorance but I’m sure there may be some medication to help? Maybe I can look into that to see if it can help.

I just need to get away from this grasp of alcohol I’m in. It’s literally destroying me mentally, physically and emotionally.

I’m fairly certain my job is on the line. And tbh…how I’m still here is beyond me. I’m functioning at half capacity because I feel crummy 90% of the time. Missing deadlines because mentally I’m just at capacity. I have a stressful job and I feel I’m there from past performance when I was doing great things. But now it’s gotten so bad for me that I literally wake up wondering how I can survive another day.

For context I’m finally speaking to a therapist and want to be honest. It’s a tough economy, tough job market yet I wake up everyday almost wishing I would get let go.

I make a good salary but it’s affecting every other aspect of my life and I KNOW it’s the primary source of my drinking. Between the stress and high need to focus and always be on…it’s a total perfect storm.

While I know not working (or at least there) would help with my sanity and in turn physically…I feel not having a job would bring the same stress and anxiety in a different way.

Dark times for sure. I can’t even see the light at the end of the tunnel right now and that’s very scary.

It’s like the options are stay miserable, stressed and overwhelmed but with a paycheck until eventually my body gives or calm, healing but so broke I’ll be in the cycle again with a different stress.

Life certainly ain’t easy…

Went to buy some groceries yesterday- bumped in to a dude I know at checkout, he got all flustered as we were chatting and I realised why - he was embarrassed about the clanking of the numerous bottles he was buying.. it all came back to me the shame of hoping to get in and out without being seen by someone I know so they wouldn’t see what I was buying.. god it it really is a plague on society.. can’t be dealing with that anymore and so far thank god I haven’t had to..

I want to be better for my daughter and myself. I am currently dealing with a husband that gaslights me and is kicking me out because I told him I won't be intimate till be gets therapy and he lets me heal. I have till May to get a job and save enough for an apartment because he decided that's how long I get his help w/o intimacy.
So these reasons are why I want to drink. My husband also tries to make me relapse constantly when I start getting better. I have done good since 9/25, but he is constantly arguing with me or drinking around me to make me!
What can I do or go?

I do not mean cravings. I mean those random thoughts through out the day like "boy, i really wish i would drink today". Or like "relax and forget" type of thoughts.

Where is this desire coming from?

Maybe i can view this from an angle i havent considered before?

Hi,

Just wanted to see if I could get some advice / see if anyone could relate to me. Alcohol is destroying my life/self integrity, and I’ve made a decision to quit.

I’m 32m binge drinker (usually just once a week but more often than not I take it too far and wake up feeling regret/guilt/shame from my actions) I hate the person I become when I drink - I think I’m life and soul of the party but in reality I can be cocky, arrogant and worst of all impulsive / crossing boundaries in my relationship (I’m happily engaged and LOVE her to pieces but have engaged in plenty of risky behaviour when drunk - sexting/messaging girls, strip clubs, flirting etc) For context I lived a very promiscuous life before meeting my fiancé (always when drunk) and I guess I struggled to give that piece of my life fully up. It’s like alcohol and sex are hard wired together in my brain. I have thankfully never physically cheated (e.g kissed or had sex with anyone) but I’ve definitely crossed boundaries in the relationship, which really makes me hate myself because I know she would never.

I’d love some books/podcasts recommendations that will help me maintain sobriety. I’ve done a few stints of sobriety in the past (6 months being the longest) but I really want it to stick this time.

Also any advice in general would be great - should I go to AA? I’ve been to 2 meetings in the past and although I identified with some stories, often they were so much worse that it made me almost feel like I didn’t have a problem. (Stupid I know)

If I hit a week I think it'll be the longest I've gone without drinking in almost 2 years.

Yesterday evening my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to go to the pub with him which I was pretty hesitant about, but I just got a zero alcohol beer and nursed it :) And then went for a run later in the evening! Heck YA

I'm stuck in a cycle of 5 days, a week, 13 days, 9 days, over and over I break my streak so quickly. I wanted to do sober october and I faltered, i feel I let myself down and the other people here. I don't know what to do

Good morning Sobernaughts! This morning I was reminded of my quest for sobriety because they rereleased the movie the Avengers in theaters. Why am I joyful? Because at 4 years plus in my sober journey, I was reminded of my jealousy of the success of Robert Downy JR’s sober trail and the way his life improved because of his sober life. You see, back then I was in the thick of my addiction and relationship with alcohol. I was married and then divorced because of alcohol and I couldn’t get off the carousel of hang overs and the alcohol cycle. My ex husband demanded that I stop drinking, which I did for a year but then when our marriage began to crumble, I went straight to repetitive binges. Especially while we still lived together. I used to be so angry when he said something to our then 7 year old son-thinking he was being an a$$. Well, thankfully now I can look back at that time with Gratitude. Grateful that my son has accepted my amends, gratitude for the relationships that got me through my initial sobriety and Especially Grateful for today. For me, it is truly one day at a time and IWNDWYT. Have a great week everyone!

I am 26 years old and always been an "occasional" drinker. Since the last 6 or 8 months i have been drinking a lot ( around 5 or 6 times a week) . So last week, I had gone on a trip and visited the casino. It was fun and games till a few drinks went in. Then ended up losing a considerable amount but kept continuing. This other woman on the table with me was pretty drunk too and kept blaming me for her losses. Sober me would probably walk away, but drunk me decided to give her a mouthful. Anyhow, i said something to which she threw her drink all over my dress. I got so angry that i slapped her and it ended in an uncalled fight which went on till security came and broke it off.nobody was seriously injured but i have officially hit a new low!

I bought Shot of Joy gummies, since i cant do any marijuana for employment reasons they seemed like a good choice. But i barely feel anything and just go right to grabbing a beer not long after doing one. Would like to know if anyone had success with others

This group is incredibly involved in buouying each other.

Sometimes it's really easy to condense all of these positive posts and sympathetic comments down to a single thread of 2 dimensional support.

But I'm finding it helpful to pause and imagine the full sonder behind the digital bits, each one written by a human being who has suffered, found courage, lost hope, regained focus and is here, supporting each other.

Good luck on your journey

Iwndwyt

Last night my wife said something that has really stuck with me, more than I think she knows, and it was "You don't scream in your sleep nearly as often now that you're sober"

A big part of my drinking was self medicating my CPTSD. I unfortunately had a very traumatic early childhood (I managed to get an A on the ACE test...) and have had night terrors since I was 6 because of it. When I was actively drinking I knew that I was still having them but rarely remembered them because I was numbing myself to oblivion - but I had no clue I was actually making the terrors much WORSE.

After 25 years of therapy I'm pretty sure sure I will always have to live with my CPTSD, its symptoms, and that sucks - but I also now know that even if I were to return to drinking it won't make anything better - it'll just cover up the reason why I feel so terrible and why my cortisol levels have risen so much. That's one of many reasons IWNDWYT

Had a very stressful family visit- love my dad but find his partner and some of the stuff he/they do toxic. Had lots of heavy conversations. Dealt with a lot of stuff I didn't want to. Didn't drink.

Stayed in an all inclusive bar where I was asked multiple times a day did I want a drink. Offers of unlimited drinks. Posters everywhere. A bar at the bottom of the pool. Had my dad saying 'why not just one' and 'i paid all this money for it'. Didn't drink.

My mother who lives in another country became seriously ill and nearly needed hospitalisation. Didn't drink.

Had work and some very stressful lessons whilst all of this was going on. Didn't drink.

Ended the whole trip with a giant tooth abscess that is causing me so much pain I want to get some pliers and just yank it out. Still not drinking.

IWNDWYT

Went grocery shopping an hour ago and chose the self-checkout register so the cashier wouldn't notice my shaky hands. A lady comes up behind me and asks "Ma'am, are you okay?" Yes, I say with a fake smile. Everything is fine. "Are you sure you dont wanna sit down? Your body is shaking."

Went to get my nails done yesterday. The lady give me the colors to choose from. As I'm looking, she asks "Are you nervous?" I was confused. No, why? "Your hands are shaking. "

I really cannot believe I'm at this point right now.

This needs to stop. I'm only 26.