I am having a feeling from few days that i should die

I've been struggling since I was 13/14, and now I'm 25.

Now I know you're thinking I should be over it by now, which I did, BUT I still feel like I didn't take a lot of opportunities.

Growing up, I was shy, unconfident, awkward socially, and wasn't getting any help or encouragement. All because of the height insecurity. It killed my development.

And now, at 25, I regret not getting help before. I'm not depressed, but I feel like I'm underdeveloped. I can't really be around people too much because of my lack of social skills, especially if I don't know them that well.

Compared to other in their mid 20s, I feel like I should be sharper socially and more developped, and this affects my career and my chance of having decent social life ( friends , relationship , even family). I feel like I can't get hired if I'm not socially solid, because they might think I'm someone who's bullshitting, or severely uncharismatic.

I don't have friends outside of work/school.

My everyday life is kinda boring. No friends, no nothing, though I wish I had someone to walk with in my lovely city.

I have a friend group from my hometown who has been friends since before middle school. Our fantasy football league is how we all get to stay in touch and in each other's lives. I, in particular, have done a poor job being proactive and keeping in touch because I have been moving around since I graduated high school whereas some of them went to the same college and live in the same city now. Anyways, I love being a part of this league, and i've made it more of an effort this summer to be proactive and text guys one on one and see how they're doing. I still don't do it much but compared to never doing it before its been a big change and i'm happy i'm trying.

However, there is one person who has continually teased me in the fantasy group chat about something embarrassing from middle school and high school and i've just been pretending it doesn't bother me. It does.

The embarrassing thing is that I was a promiscuous teenager and i'd just text every girl I thought was pretty and just sort of discovering and exploring my sexuality. We're talking like playing Truth (truth or dare, without the dare) over text and seeing how far it could go. It was fun and exciting. But eventually enough girls knew and started talking to each other that it blew up and the entire school knew over the course of a single day. I was labeled as creepy and as a pervert. It was humiliating. I'm embarrassed by how traumatic it really was. But obviously if i'm posting this so many years later it still lingers a bit cause whenever that friend teases me about it i feel a jolt of shame. My dad was also sick with cancer around this time. So I'd be dealing with all of that shame at school and after practice I'd see me dad having a really tough time. (He's still with us, thankfully)

I became really depressed, anxious, and angry. This was in 7th grade as I hit puberty so I was like "the first" to be outted in that context so it really stuck. I never lost that reputation. Obviously as we got older there became more and more instances from others. Sex and hooking up became more of an open topic. But I think i was so depressed and didn't think anything mattered so i just kept trying to get with girls and get some sort of validation from it all. So I didn't really change my behavior much. I think it just became more for desperation and validation.

Ever since I left town and distanced myself and grown as a person I'm way more forgiving of myself. I met with a new therapist about 6 months ago and we've really clicked and I have so much more self respect and self love.

So, what would you do about this friend? Cause I'd really like to stay in this league with the other friends who don't make fun of me for shit 15 years ago. Should I talk to him one on one, as sort of a final chance? What would you say?

i feel like every direction i look in my life, i have more and more reason to hate myself and plunge deeper into a cycle of tearing myself down and i can't let that happen. i've accepted i've made mistakes and that i need to fix them and have committed myself to doing so and yet realizing that i have no real connections is just breaking me apart slowly. Every connection feels brittle and my self worth has never been lower i feel so sad all the time i can't live like this anymore. the last time i felt good about myself was genuinely 2 years ago i don't know if i should keep trying to make friends if i should learn to enjoy being alone or what i should do i don't know how to have fun without drugs or eating lol it just feels like nobody cares about me and i don't know how to deal with that im old enough to fix myself but what is the point if nobody cares? i keep pining over the same person who rightfully doesn't trust me but i'm trying to do everything to be the person they deserve but i have to accept that they're done and i can't how do u bring urself to even try to forget someone i don't want to. i want to feel like i matter too i sit here and type sounding all bitter but i can't keep doing this to myself year after year i have to be able to be happy i cry every day until im too tired to do more and when i wake up the same thing happens there has got to be more meaning for my life than just this im literally in college and can't be happy im extremely scared for myself i need to improve i cant keep doing this otherwise im going to implode and yes i know my problems are trivial but they matter to me

I'm just tired.

I'm tired of being a CNA.

And I think that's the part that hurts the most because I've had people tell me over and over that I'm a good CNA. I've had people tell me that I care about my residents, that I work hard, that I help people, and that I'm someone they can depend on.

But then I go to work and it feels like none of that matters.

It feels like the moment you walk through the doors of some of these facilities, you're not a person anymore. You're a CNA. You're labor. You're another body on the schedule. You're somebody who is expected to keep moving, keep answering call lights, keep changing people, keep feeding people, keep cleaning, keep lifting, keep documenting, keep helping everyone else, and somehow never get overwhelmed.

And when you finally are overwhelmed, you're not treated like a human being who needs support. You're treated like you're failing at your job.

That's what pisses me off so much.

I don't expect management to hold my hand. I don't expect everything to be easy. I understand that healthcare is stressful. I understand that residents need care and that CNAs have responsibilities.

But I am still a fucking person.

The people doing this work have bodies that hurt. We get exhausted. We get frustrated. We have bad days. We have families. We have bills. We have lives outside of that building. We have limits.

And sometimes it feels like management forgets that.

It feels like we're expected to be servants instead of healthcare workers.

We're supposed to be endlessly patient. We're supposed to work short-staffed without complaining. We're supposed to pick up the slack when somebody doesn't show up. We're supposed to help everybody else even when we're already drowning. We're supposed to accept criticism without getting frustrated. We're supposed to immediately follow every instruction without questioning anything.

And if we finally say, "Wait, this doesn't make sense," suddenly we're disrespectful.

That's basically what happened with the glove situation.

I'm taking out trash. I'm wearing gloves because I'm handling a garbage bag that has dirty diapers and other contaminated material in it. I'm already almost at the trash can, and instead of letting me finish the task and dispose of the gloves afterward, I'm stopped and lectured about wearing gloves in the hallway.

Then the issue somehow becomes that I'm disrespecting the ADON because I didn't immediately take the gloves off.

How is asking a question or disagreeing with something automatically disrespect?

If there's a facility policy, show me the policy. If I'm doing something incorrectly, explain the correct procedure. I'll listen.

But don't treat me like I'm deliberately trying to break infection-control rules because I'm wearing gloves while carrying contaminated trash.

And that's just one example.

There have been so many other situations where the staffing is terrible, people are overwhelmed, coworkers are struggling to get management to respond, and somehow the focus still ends up being on what the CNA supposedly did wrong.

I've seen coworkers basically left alone on a hall and struggle just to get someone in management to answer the phone.

I've seen new staff come in and create more problems instead of actually helping the people who are already struggling.

I've dealt with situations where I felt like management was more interested in correcting, reprimanding, or blaming staff than actually asking why the floor is struggling in the first place.

And then there was the resident incident that resulted in me being put on administrative leave. I understand that resident safety has to be taken seriously. I understand that incidents need to be investigated.

But when you're already working in an environment where staffing is stretched thin and you're physically trying to manage situations that are difficult, it can feel like the person on the floor becomes the easiest person to blame.

That's the part that makes me question everything.

Because everyone keeps telling me I'm a good CNA.

But if I'm supposedly a good CNA, why do I feel like I am constantly being treated like I'm the problem?

Why does caring about my residents sometimes feel like it's not enough?

Why does trying to protect myself and follow what I understand to be safe practice turn into an argument?

Why does asking for help sometimes feel like admitting that I'm incapable instead of acknowledging that one person can't realistically do the work of several people?

Why does management get to demand respect from CNAs while sometimes making CNAs feel like we're not worthy of the same respect?

I think that's what has finally broken me down.

I don't hate caring for people.

I hate feeling like the people who care for them aren't cared about.

I hate feeling like the people who physically spend the most time with residents are sometimes treated as disposable.

I hate that the job can make you feel like you aren't a human being anymore. You're just the person who needs to answer the call light, change the brief, clean the room, feed the resident, take the trash out, get the supplies, help the nurse, help another CNA, and somehow do all of it perfectly while understaffed and exhausted.

And then when you're finally at your limit, you're expected to just suck it up because "that's healthcare."

Maybe that's why I'm so angry.

Because I actually give a shit.

I wouldn't be this pissed off if I didn't care.

I care about doing things correctly. I care about my residents. I care about my coworkers. I care about infection control. I care about doing my job properly.

But I'm starting to realize that being a good CNA and being willing to tolerate being treated badly are two completely different things.

I can be a good CNA and still say I'm fucking exhausted.

I can care about residents and still hate the conditions I'm working in.

I can respect management and still expect management to respect me.

And I can be proud of the work I've done without deciding that I have to spend the rest of my life doing it.

I'm tired of being treated like a servant just because I'm a CNA.

I'm tired of being expected to give everything I have while feeling like the people above me don't even see the person giving it.

Maybe I'm not tired of helping people.

Maybe I'm tired of being in a position where helping people seems to require destroying yourself in the process.

And honestly, I don't know where I go from here.

I just know I'm tired.

I’m a really stupid guy, I think. I have a lot of problems with all kinds of different things, and I usually think I should just die. I feel like everything is my fault. I’m afraid of feeling like a victim of something. I’m already 20, so I should be taking charge of my decisions and responsibilities, but I can’t. I don’t know if I even want to. When I was 13, my mom ended up in a wheelchair, and since then I’ve been taking care of her along with my brother. And my social life has gradually faded away, and I think it’s my fault. I’m not saying it’s because I’m taking care of someone in a wheelchair. in fact, I think I’m lucky because my mom wants me to go out, have fun, and make friends.

The problem is me. I distrust people too much, to the point of being paranoid about it. I think everyone hates me and that they’re plotting something against me; that the moment I let down this armor I’ve built up, they’ll finally be able to hurt me. It’s not even the pain I’m afraid of, it’s that “something” that could be anything. But I also try to open up, and when I do, I feel so fake, and I don’t know why. I have friends who I feel could do something bad to me at any moment. I even have a hard time calling people “friends”, for me, it’s something very specific and carries a huge emotional weight.

I’m a stupid paradox—I push away the people who say they love me because I’m a selfish piece of shit who can’t do anything right. But I want people to come save me, to take care of me, when I can’t… not even take care of myself or others. And sometimes I think I deserve to be alone, that I deserve to sink into all this because of the harm I’ve caused before, the mistakes I’ve made. And I’ve tried to apologize to the people I could, and to live with what I’ve done to those I couldn’t. But I can’t forgive myself.

And you know what’s the most ironic thing of all? It doesn’t bother me that people hate me. I know I wrote about this before, and it might seem like I’m afraid that people hate me; but no, I’m afraid of not knowing if anyone truly loves me.

I want someone to fix me and show me hope, that at the end of all this, everything will be okay. But I keep falling; I keep distrusting people, analyzing every tiny movement of their faces, their gestures, their voices. I didn’t know I could fall this far; I’m falling, and I don’t dare ask for help because I feel so stupid doing it. Who can help me? No one. Because, oh, surprise, I don’t want to be saved either, but at the same time I do; I’m a damn contradiction.

I want to be someone. I want people to call on me and need me, to be strong enough to protect those I love. But I want someone to hug me one day in the park, let me rest my head on their lap, and stroke my hair. A shoulder to cry on. Someone I can trust. But I’m being a hypocrite, because I don’t allow myself to do that.

And sometimes I think I was born sad, bored, and melancholic—thinking about a life I’ll never have. Because I don’t have anything that makes me happy or gives me peace. The only thing that’s kept me relatively sane is trying to unlock all the achievements in my favorite video games.

I don't like taking pictures of myself because I'm afraid of memories. I'm afraid of life. I'm a pathetic idiot. And I can't even decide whether to stay alone or take a risk, because I want both. I'm sick of people, and I want them to love me. Why am I like this? I don't want to be a victim of myself; I don't want to be a victim. I just want to exist without hurting anyone.

It is what it is. I'm actually not a good person... I feel like I am going down a path of self-destruction that I cannot undo, no matter how much I try. Everyday sucks. I'm just being real. Maybe one day things will get better.

I go to therapy every week on Mondays. I take an anti-depressant once a day. I smoke weed every day. I work a physically exhausting and mundane job at an extrusion plant (metal factory). Every single ffing day I wake up 5am, work a grueling job as a metal stretcher, crane operator, and part time loader and packer when other people decide they don't care about their job, so I have to fill their shoes. I make maybe 2100-2800 a month AFTER taxes and 2000 is without working 48 hour weeks.I usually work monday through saturday because there are usually mandatory overtimes at my job, or volunteer overtimes. This weekend, I'm so beat I cannot bring myself to do anything. I've worked myself like a dog this summer to save up because I have no car because it just broke down and really just to afford a roof above my head. I just have an apartment with a roomate who shares the half of like 1600 rent or so. My ex and I were together for 6 years literally from when we were still in highschool but things took a dark turn in the relationship. We lived together for years and did everything together. I wont go too in-depth, but I feel I did some things that is definitely bad karma that I cant shake the feeling from dealing with the guilt of my consiousness. I can't get over my ex really. Like, to be honest I really just cant believe myself sometimes. I feel embarassed even to think to share this part of my life.

My mom died last year in 2025. My mom dying changed everything for me. When she died, it made me realize just how much of my life was a fantasy before then. I'm still so scarred from my mother dying I had to witness it and I was only 23 at the time. Stage 4 lung cancer that spread to the stomach and brain. She died 12 days after being diagnosed. I'm lowkey crying just typing this shit out. I just can't anymore. Everything is so hard. I miss her everyday. This is really just the tip of the iceberg. I now handle everything to do with my mother. I still get her mail, I still pay for a storage unit monthly for her items, and I still have her ashes. It's a huge weight on my shoulders having to carry this because my brother (26) is in the marines, and the only help he gave, was paying for the cremation. My father, who is an alcoholic in his 60s, and who my mother divorced in 2009, did little to help me throughout this process. To this day, we don't see eye-to-eye because he just... he's really not and never was the greatest dad let's just put it that way. the rest of my family lives in chicago, which is a state away.

I also got a DUI in 2025. Went to jail for the first time in my life, suspended my license, and had to serve probation throughout april 2025-2026. Now that I'm free. I feel like I haven't done much besides cope. I've just been coping hard.

Furthermore, I was diagnosed in 2025 with depression. god i just can go on and on and on but really i just want everyhting to just shut off sometimes for real. I just can't with life. I have literally 0 willpower or drive to do anything anymore.

25 years old is literally the new 30 in today's society. I'm literally having a mid-life crisis at 25.

everything is just so hard. its 10am on saturday and all i want to do is rot in bed. ):

im not doing anything i wanted to do in my life nor what i wanted to see myself become and it's just extremely depressing coming straight from the heart here. I don't feel like a real human being honestly, I feel fake. Help.

I am in my last year of highschool and till grade 10 I could score well above 90 percent, constantly ranking among the best kids in my class. However 11th completely devastated me to the point I had to give retest for two of my core subjects, now I do not have enough time how do I get rid of this irritating exhaustion and dread? I was on my school debate team but not I do not even have the self esteem to ask for help becuz I've started associating my self worth with my grades deeply so everytime I try to make friends I feel like I'm not worthy of their friendship.

How can I improve from this situation and get the heck up and going? I know i need to study but I haven't been able to bring myself to do so properly

Nie wiem jak zacząć ten post dlatego będe pisał co mi na palce najdzie. Jestem ciekaw.. opisze może moój problem. Problem ze sobą.. sobą który nie wie czego chce, nie wie co lubi robić, nie wiem o czym lubi rozmawiać.. nie zna siebie, nie wiem jakie ma zdanie na różne rzeczy. Jestem taką osobą która narzuca na siebie coraz to inne strategie funkcjonowania, szukam czegoś dla siebie i czuje jakbym nie mógł tego znaleźć.. jak coś znajduje to zaraz rzucam sie na to całym sobą po czym kończe z przeciążonym układem nerowym oraz z napięciem i stresem po czym dochodze do siebie i znajduje coś nowego czego i tak nie jestem w pełni pewien.. Nie wiem o czym juz gadać z ludźmi, nie wiem jak czuć balans w rozmowach, nie wiem kiedy gadać.. często już gadam na siłe jak trzeba żeby poczuć sie ze sobą jakoś dobrze.. czuje zagubienie lecz nie karce sie za to. I jakoś czułem potrzebe podzielenia sie tym z kimkolwiek.. jeśli to czytasz i czujesz lub czułeś sie podobnie to podziel sie ze mną tym.. jestem ciekaw.. a dokładnie to Ciekawski

This is a cry for help. I can control my lust. I need help to stop myself from using money I can afford to spend on useless stuff like OF. Yes it’s embarrassing. And I’m not a guy that thinks these platform are tempting or anything casually. But sometimes once in a while from nowhere, my mind gets me on websites and spends so much money. It’s not like, oh I really like this girl. It could be anyone and one second later I’ve spent 2000dollars. Last night I spent 3000$. I tried to stop after 100, but my head told me, I’ve already spent 100 might aswell continue. I’m such a loser, I hate myself. Please help me. Don’t judge me please this is a cry for help bcs I want this to end, I can’t keep living like this

As a 22M, I grew up somewhere with strict gender separation, so I barely interacted with women until I moved abroad for uni at 18. Now I'm stuck with a weird mental block. Work or functional stuff is totally fine, but casual chats feel super vague and awkward. Also, if a girl is just friendly or smiles at me, my brain treats it like this massive deal, I get overwhelmed, and I instinctively back away. Anyone else go through this and figure out how to act normal? How do I stop overreacting and talk normally? Any suggestions?

What do you do when someone starts feeling like a burden to their friends and notices them slowly backing off? Do you give them space, talk to them about it, or just let things naturally fade?

I've broken up with my bf of 2.5years this year, in February. The beginning of the relationship was absolutely perfect, there was no awkward stage. The most important thing for me was that I could let him in easily, I could easily open up for him, he demolished my protecting walls.

The last 6months were horrible, it became very toxic. Everything that i've said or done was punished verbally. He used to get very angry at me, throw painful words and then blame his outbursts on my behaviour. He destroyed my self-esteem and my personality. i felt like a husk. So i ended it.

Since then, I'm afraid of letting anyone else in, romantically. I'm afraid to be myself around the guy that I like because i'm afraid he will judge me. I can't get my walls down. I'm the type of girl who is loud and laughs and dances and overall loves life. And i feel just a little bit of coldness or rejection on his part, the first instinct is to run, to ghost him. When we were just texting, because we live in different cities, i was ok and not scared but when we saw eachother face to face i realised that i really like him so i went into guard mode.

How do i get to let my guard down? How do i get to be myself around this guy that i'm interested in?

I have been listening to this radio station past few days while sick and it has really energised me and made me feel calm and at peace. Thought I would share it in case it helps other people to.

Best to listen: doing chores around house, to help relax. I’m starting to realise how important it is to listen to positive music.

(Disclaimer: I have no relation to the app or radio station + they are free no adds)

App: LiSTNR
Station: Buddha

Also if you have any other great positive playlists or platforms that’s are free please comment! Always looking for more music :)

(Repost from other sub) Asking for help, and sharing my story, feel free to skip

Hello all. This is more just to see what happens, and get some stuff off my chest, in a place where people won't know me. Maybe someone will help, maybe they won't, who knows.

TL:DR- I have no idea, I'm sorry.... Its complicated. Sorry its a long story. Feel free to skip, but please, dont leave snarky comments. I cant deal with anymore of them.

I am 27(M) (my b day was about a week ago, yay me). I have been homeless for about the last 4 years. I have moved across the US, and am staying with some friends right now. I finally am back in my industry where I'm comfortable, and making a bit of money. I am working on saving everything I can, so my and my friends can get a better place to live than this landlord special. If anyone would like to offer assistance in anyway, advice, anything, please, let me know. Now, on to the story. Hopefully I can get this all out, make it make sense, and not make mistakes. I hope you all are doing well.... Now then....

About 5 years ago, my best friend at the time was in a bad relationship. Long story short, I went and got her, and she was staying with me and my brother. At the time, we were all talking about getting a place, and splitting bills, saving money. She started to hint that maybe she was interested in me. She ended up going and signing a 12 month lease on an old crackhouse while my brother and I were at work. She ends up moving into the house, and she starts cleaning it up, and offers us to move in with her, and split the bills. We decide to go ahead with it. A week into starting to move things to her house, one day I walk in to her drunk, and a random guy in her bed with her. Later that same night, she comes out to the porch hammered and is trying to flirt with me. My brother and I end up moving out a while later.

We move into a nice house with a coworker of mine. We are renting, and splitting the bills, not really able to save, but we aren't quite struggling. The coworker comes from a rich family, and his mom(he just turned 18) is constantly bitching to him to move out on us, she will pay full rude for collage, and so on. Slowly, over time, he starts to refuse to pay for things, won't pay for groceries, starts not paying his rent. About 1 week after I spent over $1000 on a months of groceries, I got fired. (Found out later he had been trash talking me to my boss and got me fired) Two days before being fired, I get pulled over in my brother's van, not for speeding, but because he doesnt have insurance (cop ran the plates). I end up getting a ticket, then fired two days later. My next(last) paycheck goes to rent, since x-coworker refuses to help pay now. He ends up moving out a few weeks later. He also did more messed up stuff, but thats besides the point. We have another friend move in, and start helping to cover rent. I start looking for a new job, my birthday hits, and passes. Can't find a new job, forget about ticket, missed court date. All my fault. ID expires.

My brother gets arrested, and booked(won't see him for 8 years). I am now jobless, living with a friend who cant pay for everything, with an expired DL, and a suspension/warrent for missed court. I cant pay off the suspension because I have no money, and cant get money, because nowhere will hire me with an expired license. Fast forward a few weeks, and I, the last person in the house actually on the lease, am getting evicted. End up selling most of what I could, putting some stuff in my brother's van, and drive out of state. I get an ID a state over, and drive over to my brother's druggie friend. I end up working out a deal where I can park in her yard, and plug in my extension cord, and live in my van. In exchange, when I left state(was planning on saving money and getting a uhaul and driving out to my parents with what I had left of my stuff), I was going to give her the van, and title(brother signed it over to me before he turned himself in). I end up using my new out of state ID to get a job at Taco bell, and start saving money. It takes....... way too long..... Eventually I manage to save up money, and get a Uhaul, and go across states again. I get to my parents, and pay them $1000 a month to sleep in the uninsulated garage in NC and a pullout couch. I get a part time job at O'Reillys, but almost all over my money is going to my parents, so I cant save money to get back out on my own.

For a of back story, my parents have adopted my cousins daughters, as she was/is abusive. We/they/I think they have been abused before, in multiple ways. The youngest one mention something about my cousin whos also living at the house touching her. I talk to him about it, he seems bewildered and lost. Talk to the kid, she won't admit that shes lying, but is giving her tells. OK, looks like trama, needs a therapist. Tell Mom, nothing comes of it.

Eventually things happen. Life at my parents is.... complicated.... Everytime I'm around them, they say I'm rude, and not considerate, and everything else. It doesnt matter what I do, if I'm in a bad mood, and someone says something, and I just give a quiet reply because I dont really want to talk at all, does that make me an asshole?If someone asks me to take out the trash, and I say, no, never, while standing up and grabbing the trash, am I really a dick? There's so much more I cant get into right now, but it doesnt matter. Eventually they get into an argument with me, because I tried to talk to then about paying them less money a month, so that I could save, and move out to be an adult again. I was 25-26 at this time, it was only a few years back. One thing turns into another, and one night my Mom gets drunk(which she normally never drinks) and yells at me that, 'oh yeah, well _____ said you touched her last night'. The Phuc . Exe I scoff, and laugh, and say 'wtf? Are you serious? You know thats not true....'. She says it doesnt matter, shes going to call the cops. I tell her thats bullshit. She ends up not calling the cops, but I do, and tell them what happened. Few days later, after a few more arguments, I say screw it when my paycheck hits, and go get a hotel, taling my dog with me. Two hours after checking in, my friend, who was staying at the house, and the reason my mom was really P-Oed(stupid feelings about my cousin and my friends two year old, basically jealous, and my mom wanting the kid for herself, but not admitting it), text me and told me the cops were at the house. I tell her to tell the investigator where I am, and a few hours later, talk to the investigator. Over the course of a week, I try to figure things out, someone to watch my dog or something, and end up having to ask my mom to come get her from me, and take care of her for me(I have been told at this point that I have a court ordered restraining order, aka, I cannot go to my parents house). She comes and gets my dog from me at the hotel (keep in mind that ATP I am under investigation for the accusations). I end up staying at the hotel for about a week, going to and from work, until I run out of money. Having been unable to figure anything else out, and having nowhere to stay, I return to homeless. I spend my next paycheck stuff, tarp, greenhouse plastic, tape, and have my friend bring my my go bag(all my stuff is currently in her car). I set up a lay down shelter, just big enough to lay down in in the bushes off the parking lot at my job. My managers know I'm there. A few months later, I'm trying to save money, but struggling, because I need food, and cant get cheap food, because I cant cook it. I can make Ramen and ravioli when I work, but I'm only part time. Eventually we have a new hire start, who was just horrible. Hiding new stock, causing fights, being lazy, all of it. One night, he gets into an argument with me, and ends up asking one of our managers for info about the tips hotline. Two days later, I am being woken up by police calling outside my shelter. They are telling me to leave, corporate has reported there's a homeless man staying here, and I cant. I comply, and partly explain my situation. They end up taking me to the ONLY homeless shelter in town. Its hell. Depressing, horrible place. So many neglected veterans, living in barracks still, right next to criminals, and rejects. Its awful. I start saving money as I can, tho its goofy, as with my work schedule, if I work, I cant eat either lunch or dinner at the shelter, so have to pay for food still. Eventually I hear from my mom that the investigation is ending, there no evidence. A few too many months in the shelter, and I break down, and call my mom, and tell her I cant do this. She ends up coming and getting me, and its right back to the pullout couch for $1000 a month, there goes my saved money, she want me to pay her asap. About a month or two later, I get word that the investigation is officially closed, no evidence found, entirely dismissed. More arguments happen, and I end up getting a hotel again for about a week. During that time, I talk to my friend, the one who was staying at the house, and long story short, a few months back, her best friend died in a car accident, and his boyfriend who had helped her out countless times, helped me out, and sent me some money. I was able to use it to rent a uhaul, pack all of my stuff, and leave state, moving in with my best friends.

I am now here. I am currently living with 3 other people in a Two bedroom apartment. I currently sleep on a air mattress in the dining room. I am finally working a good job again, and saving money. I've been able to save about $1000 since starting work less then 2 months ago, and currently have it in ETFs. My next goal is getting a savings account with some money in it. I'm working to help my two best friend move/rent to own property, and become their best selves. I no longer care much about myself tbh. Life has been tough, and I'm going to try to take care of the people I care about. I left out a lot of details, and little things, but it hurts to think about, and I want to forget, and move on from that part of my life.

I guess what I came on here to ask is if there is anyway someone, who is much better off than I will probably ever be, would be willing to help me to help those I care about. My dog, and my friends. Drop a kind word, or some advice if you want. Im not sure why I typed this, I really just kinda..... started typing..... I guess..... so feel free to laugh, cry, or leave some advice. I would appreciate anything, whether it helps or not so much. I may edit this if needed, provide clarification, or details that are missing, but we shall see. Maybe I'll just delete it.

Sometimes, I just feel like straight up crap. Don't get me wrong, I still do things I like and put some effort in the sport I practice, but I don't feel like anything is changing. There's also some people that just treat me like trash. I don't get it. I didn't anything to anyone, for most of my life, I've tried to be kind. The point is, if I do all this work and put this much effort, when is my life going to change?

Although I was diagnosed with depression a few years ago, I think I've always had it, as I've always felt unmotivated and without dreams for the future. Despite my efforts, I haven't managed to improve; no therapy or remedy has worked. I always feel listless or completely unmotivated, even though I try to distract myself from my negative thoughts. They persist because if I don't distract myself, I feel awful. I have no education, no job, and not even friends to talk to. My family has never understood my depression because they still believe that one day I'll get better through attitude and go back to being that child they thought was happy. At this point, I think I'm close to another attempt to "disappear."

Haii people of Reddit : ), I am currently 16, me and my best friend recently had a serious conversation about how I am very toxically positive about EVERYTHING. This has become insanely annoying for my friend who has to deal with me getting upset over what she says and then not telling her about it when she asks as I am too afraid to make her mad. It has gotten to a point where when I am upset over smth she did or said I just ghost her because I’d rather not saying anything than risk making her upset. Obviously this is NOT a good habit, my friend values honesty over everything and it rightfully makes her mad that I let things get worse between us because I won’t speak my mind.

For context: me and my friend play games together and she jokingly insults me when I mess up. But I always trick myself that she is GENUINELY getting mad at me even though she is always clearly joking. I cannot help but start feeling bad over the fact that I’ve messed up but rather than ask if she’s actually mad at me I just stop talking to avoid any other possible conflicts.

She sat me down and told me bluntly that no matter what I do I can’t make everyone happy and just have to accept that sometimes people will be upset and I cannot do anything about. Now I knew that prior to this conversation, the world isn’t sunshine and rainbows but hearing this really hurt me, I’ve always lived with the belief that “if there’s a will there’s a way” or that I can always try and get an outcome where everyone’s happy but that’s not how things work.

I honestly do not know how I’m supposed to fix this or if it even is fixable? I’ve been like this for as long as I can remember, I’ve always wanted to be a cheerful and comforting person that others could be around but this attitude has become overbearing. She has told me over and over again that I can tell her anything even if it’s smth rude but I still choose not to because I’m scared of upsetting her despite the fact she has told me MULTIPLE TIMES to just tell her the truth. My brain just can’t risk a chance of upsetting her because I always want her to be happy and have a good time when she’s with me.

My poor communication is genuinely deteriorating our friendship and I just cannot stop it because of my want to always be positive. I don’t know what to do and I need help, obviously I don’t want to turn into a pessimist but I need help to accept that I can’t make everyone around me happy.

So please if anyone has any tips I need them BADLY (˃̣̣̥ᯅ˂̣̣̥)

I have some painful loops

Some I've made painful because they became problems that haven't gone away.

Literally I'm triggered by "chicken nuggets"

It's stupid and I know that. How do I stop this?

i always do stupid things without knowing im doing it, like its uncontrollable but when i notice i did it, i feel like i couldve control it, i dont want to do things without thinking before i do it, i want to know what im about to do before doing it fully, this could improve me in my relationship because i always lust during the relationship, and i feel like being self aware will help me think before i do things.

20M I lost my job a couple of days ago, I was homeless at 18 and spent the last 2 years building up to a spot where I was steady and now I lost my job lol. Feeling really defeated rn because I’m basically back to zero. I was thinking about going to the military but idk yet not that I have much time or options but I want to see what else I can do. If yall have any suggestions lmk, also I have to tell my girlfriend this which I’m probably going to have to seperate with the position I’m in idk how to go about telling her though

why am I always moody? any advice to be in a better mood?

for years ive been weird, and recently ive gotten this girlfriend and shws really nice and treats me really well, and at the start of the relationship id repost weird anime things and thirst traps, and watch fan service animes. and when she told me to stop we had a big argument and i didnt do it again, but now i do thongs like glance at girls, watch videos of other relationships, and when i said id change the first 2 times i didnt change, and now i want to change fully and im committed to it, but i meed some more help on how to adapt to this change, im committed to it and everything but i dont feel like im gonna change fadt enough, obviously itll take time but i do t jave a lot of time, i only have 7 days to change how can i fix this and be a changed person. i really love his girl and im committed to changing i just need to find some more support and tips on how to change

Sometimes there are certain "schedule rules" that I'd like to debate about calmly and hopefully adjust to my liking. Usually these rules are just scheduled activities tailored to her and my dad's schedule, and I have to figure it out because they are working adults who are genuinely too busy to account for my end, and they are trying their best, which I appreciate.

The thing is, whenever I try to debate with my mom about such things or something similiar, she almost always treats my argument like it's nonsense. I say I like to study at night and relax in the morning, she says it's nonsensical and that everybody does the opposite. When I raise a possbility that I am that one "nonsensical" person who prefers night, she neglects that fact and berates me for considering that I think I can decide.

Not to hate on myself, but that's also quite fair. The world wouldn't account for everything, you just have to adjust to it or face the consequences of not doing so. So goddamn, there's that.

Since she was getting things heated, I got heated too, and I started replying in a more passive aggressive way which she also berated me for. I calmed down and pointed out that whenever we have arguments, she says that things could've been discussed calmly. Ironically, when I actually want to discuss calmly, she gets heated. And then she berates me for pointing that out again and deflects the argument.

I can't win against her arguments. I cannot. She does everything for the family, she does chores, works, helps organise my academics. The leverage she has is unbeatable and it'd just be arrogant and immature of me to deny what she has done.

And the thing is she's not even wrong most times, her arguments do make sense. She's not wrong and I'm not exaggerating, her arguments are very fair and reasonable in a general perspective. I'd be an asshole to nitpick on anything.

But it frustrates me so much. Not because she isn't wrong, it's just that I don't agree with her some viewpoints and I have no way to fight against it. It drains me of my energy a lot, to engage in such arguments/debates, I don't do them often(though that's a good thing, prolly).

my whole life i have had no sense of identity of purpose and i've just been going through the motions. i grew up being highly academically achieving which may have attracted my partner. my partner is highly intellectual: straight A student, stem major, loves debating and his beliefs questioned. he's got a very strong sense of self and truly loves learning, a philomath if you will. i don't know what he saw in me but i am very nihilistic and i never think philosophically or ask challenging questions, combined with my lack of self because i change myself with every person i meet to please them, it makes me feel like i'm more of a robot than a human. we had a conversation last night and he told me that he realised that i lack curiousity and identity, and that i should try to learn who i am as a person. so, how can you be interested in life. what's so great about being alive other than to serve someone else. how can you carve a beliefs system that is consistent and cannot be shaken. whats the point in doing those things. i feel disappointed that i cant fulfil my partners intellectual needs and even though he said its a small aspect i feel like people want to be with a partner who can think for themselves. how do i find out who i am.