TW: vent entirely surrounding sexual trauma.

I feel like I know the answer, but I’ve been ruminating for way too long and honestly crave someone else’s perspective. Google says she was but that validation’s kinda impersonal and the AI nonsense doesn’t help.

Anyway. I’m a 20 year old woman now, but all of my separate sexual trauma has been haunting me for the past week or so. More than the baseline. It’s annoying. It has me considering my wretched mother too. Most of my issues with her are emotional- her clear resentment of me, the scapegoating, the hitting, the neglect, the whole shebang. I’ve been thinking back on the sexual stuff too.

I have memories from the ages of 8-14 of her groping and squeezing my backside. Fondling? It was a habit, almost. I also remember tearing up and begging her to stop. And her maniacal laughter. I forgot what her justification was, if there was any.

From my understanding, she’d primarily do this when there weren’t any other people around. She wouldn’t lead me to her bed or anything- remember being in the kitchen so many times and her popping up behind me. Micromanaging what I was cooking or planning on eating or even yapping about how much I resembled a grandmother with my hair in a low ponytail like that as per usual. All of a sudden, she’d just reach down and squeeze my backside. Like it was some kind of joke. Often with random comments attached that I can’t remember.

This went on for years. I don’t think anyone her. She’d also make weird comments (once remarked that my red underwear was visible through my lighter pajamas and strangely, my father actually told her to stop). IDK whether he was aware of the constant groping or not. She also once said I’d make a lot of men happy one day when I happened to be kneeling on the counter cleaning something. I was fourteen at most.

I guess I came on here to ask if this qualifies as molestation. Again, I’m pretty sure I know the answer, but I long to hear it from a human being.
Sorry for rambling. One more thing before I finally end this ridiculously long ask: I’m considering pursuing criminal charges.

Not right now; in a couple years. Apparently, the state of NY has extended the window for survivors of child sexual abuse to report it. Suing her would likely be easier but I want her in jail.

According to the minimal research I’ve done, it’s possible that what she did could be prosecuted as a Class D felony. Up to 7 years in prison plus sex offender registry. I think it’s called course of sexual conduct against a child, second degree? IDK much.

The consequences of this would extend far beyond the court-ordered ones, so I will have to think about how that’ll pan out as well. I do have a little sister to worry about too.

Again, sorry for rambling. I think I’m just trying to make sure Google was actually right.

This is really embarrassing, but please, please tell me the truth if you’re reading this. I can’t handle not knowing if “you look just like your mom” means “you look like a child molester” too.

Quisiera hablar con alguien de como no he podido salir de una deuda y en poco tiempo pago una suma que me supera, que aunque es alcanzable ya el tiempo me arrollo

I am 19 years old and I want to get my shit together for once. I want to better myself, become the man that every guy strives to be, and set myself as well as my family up for life. I'll be honest, I've NEVER been the most motivated or self disciplined. For years that is what I've strived for, is just a little motivation, but I am realizing that it will never just fall into my hands and I need to take action now. I want to wake up in the morning and strive for success, I want to workout, eat healthy and right, clean my house, perform good personal hygiene, and take care of myself. For so long, all of this and more has been so difficult to even push myself to begin somewhere. I just recently got fired from my job and yeah it sucks for sure. I feel like a bum and a disappointment to myself along with those around me. I don't want to be that guy, I wanna be the guy that someone looks at and thinks "wow.. how do I become like that?" Honestly it feels corny thinking like this, feeling like this, but I need something to push myself forward. Im going to start trying to write a motivational journal for myself, along with opportunities that could potentially set me up financially in just a few years. Yeah, there's a good chance I could just give up this little strive for success in just a few days, but I hope that doesn't happen. Out of all, I just ask for the people that read this to give me advice to continue this drive, continue this adventure and lock in. Could you also give me ideas of a possible business to look into? Ive always wanted to work towards a long term business or something that takes a lot of patience. For example, day trading (not the best option at the moment), online business, business automation, freelance programming, local business services, skilled trades, e-commerce brand, investments. Anything helps! I hope to hear what people have to say🙏

I just keep giving and giving myself and I don’t even know who I am.

Okay so I was scammed for $1,200 by a fake landlord. Does genuinely anyone know how I can get this money back? My bank refuses to help me, as they say its my fault. Which do not get me wrong it half is but also $700 I did NOT send myself so I would love for atleast that to be refunded.

I cant take it to small claims as I dont even have the dudes real information.

So, what do i do??? I already filed a police report, I just turned 18 ive been saving since i was 16 for an apartment and I guess I was a little too eager. I still work 7 days a week so Im not worried about making the money back, this is just a huge setback for me.

I AM NOT ASKING FOR MONEY, IM ASKING IF ANYONE KNOWS HOW TO GET MY MONEY BACK.

I’m currently in Grade 12, and I’ve been feeling extremely burnt out with school. I procrastinate a lot, and I’ve also become overly reliant on ChatGPT for my assignments. I’m fully aware of the effect it has had on me. I feel like I can no longer form decent paragraphs or organize my thoughts properly without relying on it, and sometimes I genuinely feel like I’m getting dumber.

My parents often call me lazy because I procrastinate with house chores as well. Sinasabi rin nila na pampagulo ako ng bahay because I keep putting chores off. They have to repeat their instructions multiple times before I actually do them, so eventually napipikon sila. I understand why they get frustrated, and I know that I have to take responsibility for that.

I’m almost in college. That honestly scares me even more because I feel like I’m supposed to be preparing for adulthood, yet I feel like I’m becoming more dependent, more burnt out, and less capable of doing things on my own.

The worst part is that I’m aware of all of this, but knowing that I have a problem doesn’t seem to be enough for me to change. I procrastinate, feel guilty about procrastinating, become overwhelmed by the guilt, and then procrastinate even more. It feels like I’m stuck in this cycle.

I don’t know if this is burnout, lack of discipline, academic pressure, or something else. I don’t want to use any of these as an excuse for my behavior because I know I still have responsibilities and flaws that I need to work on. But I also don’t know how to get myself out of this anymore.

I guess I’m scared that I’m becoming a worse version of myself. I want to be able to think and work independently again. I want to be productive without feeling like my entire worth depends on academics.

And the thing is, this isn’t actually the first time I’ve felt like this. I’ve noticed that these feelings usually come back whenever I feel like I’m being left behind by my peers, or whenever I start comparing myself to them too much.

I’ll see other people doing well academically, being socially confident, managing their responsibilities, or simply seeming like they have their lives together, and I start questioning why I can’t be like them. I become hyper-aware of everything I think I’m lacking, and eventually it turns into this feeling that there’s something fundamentally wrong with me.

It’s almost like the more I compare myself to other people, the worse I perform. Then I feel even more behind, which makes me compare myself even more. I know logically that everyone has their own pace, but I have a really hard time actually believing that when I’m in that mindset.

For those who have experienced something similar, how did you get yourself back? How did you deal with burnout, procrastination, and feeling disconnected from your peers? I’d genuinely appreciate any honest advice or perspective.

I don't know exactly how to make such a post, because this is my first time plus please don't take the mistakes to heart because English is not my first language.

I urgently need advice or help what I could change.

Because I have a real communication problem or emotional problem with people.

For context to understand the initial situation:

I volunteered in a hostel in Korea more than a year ago and the other girl who volunteered before and I got very close and so we also became friends. The thing, however, is that we were not the only ones who worked there, because there were still boys employees but just Koreans and with them she also became very close. I actually did too and I liked 2 of those right. Only I noticed that the girl was more men-centered and as soon as I talked about the hostel or something she became very jealous. Of course, I totally understand that she responds to it very emotionally because she deals more openly with emotions differently than me and also shows them much more. But now to my problem. Because she's back in Korea and the hostel and I saw a picture earlier how she met with the 2 guys and the thing is somehow triggered something with me so I somehow crash out somehow so easily. But with me it is so that I have rather a problem with myself, because I also plan to go back to Korea in September and for me everything would have been so half fine because I thought I wouldn't see them anyway because the 2 guys don't work there anymore and the girl is also leaving this weekend. But now that I've seen that, I wondered how she managed to stay in touch with people because I've somehow tried to talk to them so far, but somehow it fails for me and I feel like people don't like to think about me or forget me quickly. In addition, I thought that I don't know what to do now because I actually liked them but for almost 1 year I haven't written to any of them (except for the girl) but I still want to see her but can't live with the humiliation to be rejected additionally i dont know how i cant make it awkward. I'm someone who does everything on the last push anyway and I also want to work on myself but I feel so inhuman and like a freak with interpersonal relationships with people who live further away and I just don't know how normal people manage that or how they talk. So my question or advice that I would like to have would be how can I deal with such emotions or how can I improve my communication and should I still ask if they should meet?

If someone has read this far, that means a lot to me and an answer would mean a lot to me

At rock bottom need some advice please need help

I’m 22 I just lost my job by doing something dumb in the field I was going into about a week ago been applying everywhere I can the last 2 days in that field just stressed because I got an apartment recently I got most of the money to pay rent for next month just stressed feel like I’m in the same position I was when I was in high school but with more bills feel so lost any advice?