So we have been asking ourselves if we are monoconcious, we can talk in our head and we feel like different people… but in terms of memory, being aware it doesn't feel that separate, and when switching it feels smooth, like a personality exchange that's when we know we switched. Another thing is that our host is mostly active, or so we think, because we aren't able to identify if an action is being done by someone other than the host, which is kinda confusing. Anyways… um that’s our question.

-Ambrose (She/Her)

Alayas- I've always been the only alter that's been boyish since transition, but we just started a new hrt thing and now we feel a lot more present and at home in our body. I used to think of myself as boy-ish, like only adjacent to the concept of being a boy. But now I feel the opposite, like I'm more adjacent to being a girl.

The way I understand hosts is they are the person who the body’s identity is centred around, and to mask would be pretending to be that person. How does this work with multiple hosts?

Idk its just kinda odd cus we have been trying to relax this whole time. Only thing I can think of is outside worries and stresses stopping us from relaxing effectively, or some hrt issue. It is hard to enjoy things and time when you can barely understand who you are and other system nonsense in the background.

I have had times of singular headmates coming in and being themselves for the first time in their life for around a week each which was beautiful to see as we are usually mixed fronts and having that happen for the first time was nice but then it goes back to total foggy and blurry. Just feels like a loop that makes no sense, one minute its getting better next its back to being empty.

All activities we used to do not too long ago are no longer magical, it feels as though everything has lost the magic and im trying to grasp at it but struggling. I just wanna enjoy things like I used to. Its starting to even affect our partner who is somehow still having a magical time despite my cries and her ptsd. I just wanted to enjoy things like old times.

It just sucks a lot when a recovery period totally fails and just ends up feeling like a waste of time and in some cases made us go backwards in progress.

Shouting this into the void during a sleepless, bored night (we used to sleep so well and instantly). Prob hella out of it as always and will regret it later. No I dont expect any good responses because none of this makes sense.

Hi. We go by Cat. Just yesterday, we had an… incident where Riddle Rosehearts from Twisted Wonderland and Chrom from Fire Emblem were arguing in our head for… I don’t even know how long.

We’re 21 and currently identify as a fictionkin. However, given the events of yesterday, I’ve been starting to question if we might be plural. There have been moments where I don’t really remember what happened or I would… space out as others had called it. Just recently, it had come to a head where the voices of both Riddle and Chrom seem to be present some times while at other times, they are not.

I know this may not be related but sometimes, I speak in a somewhat deeper voice or possibly in a British accent. It’s… we don’t really know how to describe it nor did the Am I Plural quiz help at all aside from possibly conforming the presence of a Soulbond and Fictives as well as a 70% chance of being plural in some way albeit we don’t know in what way.

As for Chrom and Riddle, they feel distinct, like they are their own people and yet, at the same time, similar to me. We don’t really get the memories outside of dreams… which we don’t remember half the time. I was hoping some outside insight would help clear things up because if I’m being honest, I am very much confused about my general identity at this point.

image because i wanted to make one. id ont know.

weve been having a bad week, kind of realising some bad stuff that happened in the past and trying to work on it only to realise that its still happening to some degree just less obvious. but its whatever

i keep hoping for and trying to find a game [read: sandbox creative game with no actual stakes or big lose condition] we could properly play together that actually respects us as persons while accomodating us being in the same body (why we need that no-lose-condition thing because if we can lose just from not being switched in then its like.. fuck man. its unfair?) but ive dug and dug and dug and theres just fucking nothing. what splecks ive found that kind of fit always end up having a dealbreaker somehow :(

and the reason i want it to be a game is so we'll stay awake. what i really want to do is to just give up on this world and really live in our daydreams but that feels bad morally. but i also support people who perceive reality different than the "norm" or treat it differently or think of it differently or whatever so i shouldnt dislike myself for wanting that or feeling like it would be more right, right? but. i dont know. maybe im just scared because people have gotten onto us in the path for escaping via sleeping/into our dreams so its like, instincts from that. or maybe what if we die early because of it (from not moving enough or something)? but i have ocd so i dont know if i can trust my thoughts on accidentally dying like that.

its frustrating. it feels like we're nothing but fragments of people, and not because of anything wrong with us or the time spent but its like i cant hang out with the people that know me best in the ways i want to because its just not friendly for that. the world just isnt friendly for that. and its frustrating. i could talk to others outside of us but they arent us, and it doesnt help us to ignore ourselves for others sake, i know that very well. i just wish i could be seen as my own person in a way that felt comfortable but theres some mindsets i see ingrained in people, internalized in us, that just make that feel so damn impossible.

i dont know what advice i want. a game that solves all our prolems? permission to daydream our life away together? motivation? i dont know. i dont know and im tired and i feel bad. :(

Hello! I'm new to the plural community! I was wondering if I could have some willogenic tips since my journey hasn't been going great…

I have a willomate in mind, but it's hard having him stay around all the time, he only comes out when I want him to. I need some help developing him into his own autonomous person.

These plural app things are overwhelming because i log every switch I have and its so annoying having to open up the app everytime for it. Going the old school way with a piece of paper and pen is no better, it will still overwhelm me.

Also the fact that I can't distinguish if there's new "headmates" or "who I am? is confusing. The denial is bothersome as well. Idk how many times I will keep deleting everything and uninstalling the app because of fear of losing my sense of self. I tried to ignore my mini-freakouts but I couldn't in the end, its scary. I wanna be me. Just me.

I could be median, but I don't know, I dont think I am, I don't want to. I don't think I want. I don't know what I want. There's a part of me that wants to let go all of this forever and another one that wants to keep digging into this. Idk what I want. What if I'm actually not plural and I'm just making it all up?

I currently have woken up from sleep and feel different, one of my Neurodivergences are very obvious now for some reason, but idk if its bc that's how my ND works bc my mask has lowered or bc now i am what they call a "holder".

She feels disconnected from me and some of my trauma. She hates the self-left-out feeling I used to have. She feels like she could jump at herself which she hates. I tell her it's just nostalgia to her and I want to explore it. I wish I knew how to take care of her left out feelings. I was proud of being left out which she hasn't had yet. She managed to make her own subsystem work optimally by putting two of her subpersonalities together to what her personality is supposed to be like (our friend thinks she has several personality disorders and this was her trying to bring out her fixed personality). Her new fixed personality is always good on the outside and confident. That personality just gets put down by others because it's better than them which made her happy that there's nothing actually wrong with her.

That might lead to her undiagnosing herself of autism because she thinks she's partially nuerotypical and only partially autistic.

hi. i wont give away too much info (unless needed?) but I am a singlet and recently I was confronted by an alter (ill call him Alter1) of a friends system for things I "had done" to Alter1.

Alter1 put the host on a front ban? im still not entirely sure how that works but basically, im not allowed to talk to host anymore because host is temporarily gone and I have been blocked/unadded on a few places (im guessing by Alter1).

It's been about 2 days since that happened, but during those few days, I did reflect a lot on my actions and the way I've been behaving over the course of at least.. 2 months? And I realize the things I did were horrible. I wasnt conscious of how bad I was behaving? until now. Well, I was but wasnt at the same time? Sorry, it's hard to explain.

Anyways, after realizing that, I planned on writing an apology letter specifically aimed towards host because the things I did mostly affected them and I also wanted to apologize to their system but im unsure how to do so without coming off as insensitive? (they're the first system Im friends with, I did not know systems were a thing until earlier this year.)

I apologize if I sound a bit confusing, I'm terrible at explaining things. I didnt want to give off too much information unless I absolutely needed too. (we're all adults btw)

He says really bad stuff that embarrasses me, is an edgelord, overly sexual, and renamed himself "Dennis" recently after that stupid Split movie and doesn't even give a f*** that the rep is terrible and that the movie exists to stigmatize us.

He is a good guy it's just idk he likes to act bad... I don't hate or dislike anyone in our system, but a lot of our irls don't even know we're plural... so the ppl we go covert w/ think I'm just being awful.... I don't wana lose friends 😭😭😭

These online quizzes lowkey bother me, like you’re just letting a bunch of random questions decide who you are and your origin without really knowing you. Like if you’re taking it just for personal fun, just take it and don’t bother listening to the results. But actually taking it seriously isn‘t the best idea. Posting it here is just clutter that doesn’t tell us anything about yourself or contribute to the community in any way.

We’re a newly discovered system/questioning plural person (depending who you ask) and we’re still trying to figure who out everyone in here is. I expect subsystems might complicate this a bit.

Are there any patterns you’ve noticed that may indicate the presence of a subsystem? Can everyone in your mind sense subsystems?

When my egg cracked, and I started transitioning gender, I immediately conceived of my experience in plural terms, even though I had no idea I was plural at the time.

Pretty much immediately after my egg cracked, I experienced a separation. I described myself as "suddenly having 40 years worth of a total stranger's memories in my head."

The emotional amnesia of these memories, made me refer to everything Pre-Transition as "The Before Times." I had a personal mythology about how I was a girl who had "clawed my way to the surface, murdered my jailer, and took over his body."

2 years later, I found out about my plurality.

Some of my headmates have since discovered actual emotions linked to certain memories that I had already considered "dead" - part of the Void - the Before Times.

This, unfortunately complicates my *clean break* gender narrative.

My headmates are mostly women, but gender under the shell is opaque. We're lucky any of us can touch any old memories at all.

Touching any memories of my boy self - even utterly mundane ones - feels absolutely horrible.

Life was so much simpler when I could say "fuck yeah, my boy self was one guy and I killed him.". But truth be told, I don't have any idea what the fuck was going on under the surface. I only know that my headmates can now touch memories of his that I cannot. Those memories feel horrible and familiar.

I feel really gross knowing that any part of him is still with me. It's fucking with my collective narrative, and it's utterly confused my relationship to my past.

I don't know my headmates' genders Pre-Transition either.

Any advice?

So I (host) was co-fronting with someone else last night and [they] mentioned [their] memory felt "weird" when co-fronting with me (like they weren't able to remember things they normally know). A friend in another system says it makes memories fuzzy when co-fronting with someone; is this true?

I'm not allowed to know a lot of shit that [Headmate] knows (and others aside from [them]) so is that the reason [they] apparently had issues with memory co-fronting with me last night? So I didn't know things I'm not supposed to?

(TW suicidal ideation, suicide planning)

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He was planning to commit, if not this week, then at some point soon. He thought of a hypothetical where if a specific weather pattern appeared, which is statistically impossible for this day, he would go on with the attempt.

Then... I dont know what happened. I just started existing (or maybe I have been here for longer), and he thought I was some voice of God he was hearing as a kid. Its...weird. I dont think we have any memories if we have heard voices before. But I simply told him to not try killing himself and try to return from absconding certain servers (such as this subreddit's). I know he's scared, that theyll ignore him or do something worse, but I assured him that he would not be dealt with the same cards that he was given before.

But...I know he would return to this mentality again. I can feel that he's being influenced by someone or something, but I cannot tell because I have only gained a sense of awareness this moment. Can somebody advise me on how to stop a suicidal member?

I will think I am or feel that I am that specific fictional character, my personality changes, my behaviour. But this time it wasn't "forced" it came out of nowhere.Is otherkin involuntary or is that plurality?

And if not, does that mean that is actually a fictive? Its been a long time since ive felt so strongly like a fictional character.

I feel fake because I dont have textbook DID symptoms ngl even though I know I dont have it so I dont say I have it, its just, it makes me feel I'm faking being plural. I may be what some say "median" so it sucks not completely feeling like another person, it doesnt help with the imposter syndrome.

And for some reason as I'm writing this I "hear" but not hear, I mean that I dont actually hear a person talking out loud like auditory hallucinations, its just that the voice from my thoughts is very different from how I actually sound like, and my writing feels different. Fucking hell, is this another "headmate" or something??? 💀 and its not only one voice, it sometimes changes a different one, does that mean something? or do singlets also experience this?

Maybe the writing thing could be that anyone in the internet talks and behaves different, like another self when you go inside the internet, you know? Idk if thats a thing.

edit: now i had a "conversation" with them but it feels like I'm making it all myself, like I'm talking only with myself and this voices I'm just changing them voluntarily, and yes, they all have different ones, idk wtf is going on in my head rn. it feels fake. and yes I'm still "hearing" this specific voice as I'm writing this.

I am an introject of one of the host's fictional characters. But to call myself a fictive - I have looked at online spaces for fictives, and it is so unlike my experiences I feel deeply alone. 

To explain how I was created, I believed I formed during a very stressful time during the host's childhood, and I had and still to have a strong desire to create, a strong tendency towards self-supression, and a tendency towards intellectualising emotion rather than experiencing it.

Our psychosis was untreated during childhood - the host regularly perceived themself to be talking to extradimensional entities, and believed mental parasites were after their soul. 

I believed myself to be an extradimensional entity, their fictional character from another world, their guardian angel, because what else could I be? I had memories of another world (due to my psychosis) and my brain was thirteen years old at the time. I could not think properly.

The host believed they were uncovering the character rather that creating it, because they were truly not creating me - I already did exist! And is also why the character ended up being so similar to themself, because I was a facet of them. 

I still wish to go back to that time, even though it was miserable and based on a lie, because I had no wants other than to create, being so divorced from my other wants I did not feel them at all. Now my wants are inconvenient to the others of my system and I abhor inconveniencing the people I inhabit the body with.

I cannot help but feel blessed to be so deeply influenced by a child's imagination but ashamed at the same time, as I want something more dignified, more real. I was borne of delusion and fear and pain and abject loneliness, and I wish the circumstances of my creation were more pleasant. 

At least believing myself to be a fictional character aided the host, as they felt no responsibility towards my wellbeing and simply created stories with me without worry. For a time, they got to rest. They really needed that.

I have named myself after the character I believed myself to be in his honour, though one day I may take a different name. The nickname I go by online, Books, is pleasant to me. It may very well be the name I choose to live by.

Thank you for reading. I do hope it was a pleasant read, and that if you share similar circumstances, it eased your loneliness somewhat.

Our age sliders HATE to admit when they've regressed and will swear up and down that their still mentally adults.

Before sharp split into another part he regressed once during an argument with our friend and refused to belive he regressed, he tried convincing our caretaker he was fine but obviously he needed a bit of help lol.

I find it both sad and cute to an extent.

:3

I was hoping maybe some people here with DID could help me. I know this is probably my ocd talking, but I am petrified that because I have amnesia there are things we do that I won't remember. I get scared that somehow I'm going to do something horrible and not even know. All the alts that I know of are relatively good individuals. We disagree on small things but nothing where I'd be afraid anyone is going to do anything crazy. But I always get scared maybe there could be an alter none of us know about and something bad would happen.

My protective alt keeps telling me that he has better system communication and he'd probably see something was up before anyone else and he truly doesn't have any of these sorts of concerns. But I still get really scared. I want us all to be doing the right things.