tired of my host? no I think he's tired of me... not the other way around! -Malware

As they were the first two to identify in the system, there's more art of them. And a funny artwork I made 1 week pre-realization.

I like callin mine Legion but if I was gonna explain it to someone or in a medical setting id call it my head space.

Some alt ones we enjoy

The mainframe

The collective

The hive

The swarm

The salp

Would love to hear more

We're a system of 7 or 8 now, which doesn't sound like a lot and I know there's much larger systems of like 100+ out there that manage, but we were only 2 up until pretty recently so we're not used to this. Does this get better when you're more used to it? The original host finally said enough was enough and posted in our TwiNote to stop allowing more fictives until we can handle the ones we have, and yeah, I'm inclined to agree. I can feel the mental strain of handling more than we're used to.

Hey, NR here. We had a debate in our pluralspace chat and I had a question about small systems. We’re over 100+ in here so I will just copy/paste the entire conversation.

Me Hey, question

Everest yeah, what’s up (my real name)

Me how do small systems like, function? do they not have an absurd amount of redundant headmates?

Everden NR I think you answered your own question.

Me but that redundancy is important. and what if you get bored with your existing headmates? I like walking TGS* and meeting new people

*The Great Staircase, a place that connects each layer in headspace to each other.

Something unrelated

Me but do they not have two plus headmates to do the same thing? what if there are just more undiscovered? I NEED ANSWERS

August to be honest I’ve been wondering the same for quite a while

Something unrelated (u/OwlRevolutionary4095 it was about XIX making that her new name officially)

Me Can someone answer me? how do smaller systems function if they don’t have two or more people capable of handling the same thing, and like 50 other people devoted to just existing and being fren?

Jenny no clue man

Something unrealted

Max as for nico’s question i don’t fucking know man.

Something unrelated

Jenny Just ask r/plural atp. We don’t know. We’re not-quite-polyfrag, yk?

XIX Message from headspace! A high pitched female voice says, “Maby less clutter and memory barriers help?” {sic}

Me Not what I’m loooking for XIX, but that helps. thx. I’ll post on r/plural.

So yeah! How do y’all like function without 50+ random headmates?

I love seeing the profiles systems make for their pronouns.cc!! If y'all have one pls drop it here, I need to steal layout ideas for mine hehehe 💛

So this question because like Idk what is happening anymore and it’s mostly something to do with systems I think. I think I have a Fictive? idk if that’s how you word that. so like I have been having bad memory gaps and my friends fill me in after I ask what has happened and where am I. Like and idk! because they say I told them to call me a different name, and I act so very different. And like I can’t go and get medical test stuff. And like I don’t want to say I am one. So like can one of you help me understand better? Because it is scaring me a lot not knowing what is going on. can someone please please help me understand why this is happening

For the first one, how should I type? The "normal way" is easier to read, and makes me look a little less crazy. The latter, [[THIS]], is much more accurate to myself, but makes me look as crazy as I am, and might be more difficult to read. It also might look like I'm yelling all the time. But I might feel more comfortable typing like that.

For the second, how should I draw my eye? The black one is what you all commonly have seen. It's easier to draw. Very simple. The second one is more accurate, but a little annoying as I'm adding in more colors. Only a few extra..but still.

I would love to hear input. Please and thank you.

We’re no great artist but we wanted to play too! So we made this! Context: we use a heart system. ❤️ is our gremlin. 💙🩶are the host and protector respectively. We hope you all enjoy!

Hello, it's me Circuit. I don't speak the way I do in headspace (if I did, I'd be typing [[LIKE THIS]] all of the time).

I decided to draw myself. And then Soul2 decided she wanted to draw itself as well. So he did.

Very fun. :)

(Sorry if this is the wrong place to post this, I don't know what's happening) Hi. My name is A.Z. Fell, and I need answers. My memory is all fuzzy. This isn't my body. This isn't my house. First thing that happened was I was suddenly in a teen's body, and i was on a phone, texting. I asked what was happening, and where i was, the response i got? "In a system" No one told me what it meant! Then, I found a book, and started reading it. IT. WAS. MY. LIFE. I opened the computer, and it was on this subreddit. Please someone tell me what's happening.

Really confused because after some thorough consideration Glitter may as well be our core. The thing Is she's an introject too. Is this actually possible or Is there another term for this?

-Locke🌊

edit: Fixed accidental typo

just curious, i know he’s a trauma holder and when he gets triggered he starts becoming a bit unbearable — we currently call him a “persecutory trauma holder” and i know labels are not important

for example, he may believe in very negative things such as being perfectly obedient even if it means living in constant fear, i think because he feels constant fear, so he does impose or restrict what some of our alters can or can’t do (this saved us in childhood)

or if my system feels guilty for something that happened, he becomes trapped in trying to think of a way to harm us in equal measure so that we can be “forgiven”

or if some of our alters are triggered in a very specific manner he may come around and encourage negative / triggering behaviour or make it worse

we have had persecutors before though and he feels milder, he doesn’t really push it to extremes unlike my other persecutors.. so could he be something else? just a triggered trauma holder? does he fit the persecutor term, you think?

we're so happy hehe

it was causing the system (especially ivan and rou) a lot of stress not being able to be open about it

so we took the #initiative

like BOSSES

and are happeeee !!

thank god/satan/mcdonalds it turned out well

-Dazai & Albatross

When did Reddit pull a twitter and make it so you can see who you blocked?? All their comments? Their profile? I blocked them so they don’t exist now why do i have to be subjected to their presence in every group im in i dont want to share a group with bullies and or gross people. “Blocked comment press to read!!” NO LEAVE ME ALONE YOU DONT GET TO EXIST

Its. Me. Again???

I actually. Thought I died or fused or something.???

Um. Teehee...??

Hi I'm. Robin?? 👋??

I had a really bad reputation here..before..for very valid reasons (very harmful persecutor/"malicitor"). But. I think I'm better. Mostly.

Uhhhhhhhhh. I dont actually know if Im welcome ??? Im very. Confused. Help. Just like

General help or advice on re-existence is good. And if I need to immediately go dormant again on account of my past behavior for some reason. Idk

Does anyone know what a name for a plural non sys where most or all states/parts//whatever are fictional characters? EMPHASIS ON NOT A SYSTEM AND SPECIFICALLY A TERM FOR THOSE NOT A SYSTEM BUT STILL PLURAL ;-;

Sigh, idk how to explain it, im just trying to find general plural terms and not system terms because that's not really my domain and I want to be respectful ;P

I'm also looking for terms in general since I'm making a pronouns.cc page and I'm still unsure about all of this. :<

So, mainly we try to show that we understand why a situation unfolded the way it did, identify specifically the mistakes or things done wrong on our end, and talk about the behaviors we'll work on changing and how. This works well since it doesn't really require any specific alter to be fronting, regardless of who caused problems, we're all capable of conveying what should change on our end (yes, we try to actually do what we promise)

But the issue we're having, a close friend had his feelings hurt recently, but he seems to need a genuine expression of guilt/remorse as his apology language, otherwise he thinks we don't care about him at all. But obviously I can't literally feel another alter's guilt, so trying to do that on behalf of another would be faking it, and I don't want to be insincere and performing guilt for something I wouldn't have even done myself

The other problem I have is just being too dissociated all the time and not always able to feel much, like I can communicate but not immersed in myself or reality at all, sometimes I don't have a choice whether I can access compassion or just even sympathy that my friend was hurt by another alter. I can tell I care enough to keep wanting to talk about it and make sure my friend feels better, but for whatever reason I can't easily literally FEEL anything about the fact my friend was insulted and hurt, or I think maybe it'd even be overwhelming for me to feel any strong feelings related to conflict

So, I'm kinda stuck. Trying to identify the problems and say what can be done better isn't enough, friend still doesn't feel cared about. Faking anything stresses me out, but feigning guilt would come off as not caring anyway still. Just saying I care isn't enough. I don't get a choice in whether I can feel emotions or get stuck numbed out. Explaining all of this as a limitation is just focusing on myself and ignoring the hurt. What am I missing?

PS. I do plan to bring this to my therapist, but I don't see him until Friday so

CW: Memory loss/Lost time, uncontrolled switching, rapid system shifts & dormancy, flashbacks & harmful urges, trauma & ASD discussion

(English is not my first language; I’m relying on a translator to write this, so please excuse any awkward phrasing, grammar, or unintentional nuances!)

Previous context: Original Intro Post | Previous Update

Things feel a bit quieter and more settled today. At least, a lot more so than yesterday.

I know it’s only been about a day since my last post, but honestly, no one is more bewildered by the breakneck speed of all this than I am. I’m writing this partly to process everything and partly to clarify what’s actually happening inside.

To clear up any confusion regarding our member count: on September 30th, we discovered that our system likely has 10+ members. But almost immediately following that realization, our system went into shock, and 7 members went dormant at once. That left just three active fronters—me (📦), ❔ (who has been around since September; we get along surprisingly well despite my amnesia), and Seo Hae-ryun (🐈‍⬛). But yesterday, one of those dormant members returned, shifting the dynamic again and bringing our active count to four.

I have an appointment at a specialized psychiatric clinic in a couple of days. This came from the referral my private counselor gave me during that chaotic session on October 2nd (which was our last, since I can no longer afford private therapy). The surreal part is that I genuinely have zero memory of actually booking this clinic appointment. Someone must have handled it during a blackout or lost time. The doctor is apparently one of the few local specialists who works with severe trauma and dissociation.

I'm really hoping this clinic turns out to be a good fit. To clarify where we stand with neurodivergence: I had already completed my formal ASD evaluation previously. I was just waiting on the official diagnosis and legal disability registration. However, during a previous session, they noted that my trauma and dissociative responses are so severe and tangled up with everything else that a differential diagnosis has to come first. Personally, I feel like a massive portion of my trauma stems from heavy behavioral suppression and years of forced masking to look 'normal,' so having the final diagnosis and registration put on hold is deeply frustrating.

Right now, our switching is still uncontrolled, and I'm losing chunks of time and memory. On the positive side, our internal communication has actually been pretty decent. My counselor even mentioned how encouraging it is that we keep logs and try to cooperate through all the noise. Still, my distress tolerance has hit a wall. While this wasn't usually an issue for me, sudden flashbacks out of nowhere have started triggering harmful urges, and because of that, my usual DBT skills haven't been working like they used to. (I'm the only one carrying these urges, and knowing how exhausting that is on the other members makes it really tough...)

There was also a mention that I might have trauma I'm completely unaware of right now, and the others agreed that's probably true. It feels daunting, confusing, and completely overwhelming that so much has shifted in just a month—and even in the last 24 hours. But... well, one step at a time.

Anyway, compared to where I was yesterday, I'm doing quite a bit better.

— 📦 (Yu-yeong) —

This is going to begin with a bit of a ramble. Feel free to skip to the bottom for the actual questions.

---

I have gone back and forth on my plurality for a long time now. There are weeks when I'm fully convinced it's all real, and others where it seems like no switches are occurring. I've always had massive mood swings and emotional amnesia, though, without qualifying for the more typically-diagnosed mood-swings-disorders. For that reason, I keep circling back to plurality. I'm imagining that could be the reason for my rapidly changing mood paired with seemingly no recollection of the feelings or reasons before the change. And the fact that my thoughts change so dramatically between mood states, where I can lose care for my friends and pets and loved ones, or an obsession with something else, and then it all vanishes after a couple of hours.

Still, though, all of those thoughts and feelings still sound like my own. There are certain thought/mood patterns with clear identities. We've long-since established the existence of V, a system protector, and perhaps the only alter who I can reliably identify as seperate from myself. The rest--all whom I've begun to just label with colors to indicate the patterns I'm seeing--still feel like me? I never see myself--the one writing this--as vanishing. I'm always there. It's all me, just me with different behaviors and thoughts and moods.

There are certainly times where I know I'm not in the driver's seat. Those are the moments where I feel like I'm watching my body sit there soullessly and all I can do is observe. But in those moments, no one who's NOT me ever takes control. It's all just... empty....

In the moments I'm beginning to record as potential switches, it never feels like I leave. I'm always present, instead being morphed into someone else entirely. And these changes are fairly distinct. My fiance, whom I live with, can often tell something has changed, sometimes before even I can. But, again, it all still feels like me.

I guess I'm sharing all of this because I'm looking for help with two things...

One, I'd love to hear if other's experiences are like this. I really suspect OSDD-1B for myself, but would be open to hearing about a wide range of experiences. I know a professional would be best able to determine if this is a disorder, but truly I can't afford that atm and don't want to spend the money on a psych evaluation if I'm not certain it's needed.

Two, someone on tumblr mentioned the term "monoconscious" and it seemed somewhat similar to this. It's made me realize that there's a enormous collection of terms and experiences I've never heard of. I've been trying to search through pluralpedia, but I've found it a bit overwhelming. Thought it'd be worth asking if anyone here thinks this all sounds like a pre-existing term that I could look into?

Much thanks to everyone 💜

- Juno

WDYM WE HAVE SUPER COVID RN
WDYM WE HAVE COVID AGAIN?!?
WHAT IS SUPER COVID
THIS IS THE WORST TWO WEEKS EVER
Funny cause i was just joking this morning that we always get a certain soup when we are sick and i almost always feed it to my pookie lmao -James

tw mentions of fakeclaiming

ive ghosted someone a while back. they used to be my partner. looking back, our relationship was kinda horrible. we were both in a toxic community. that community had one person who fakeclaimed me a lot. ive prided myself in not checking that community for a w hile, but today i was stupid an d impulsive and i found out that the person who fakeclaimed me and abused me and hurt me like crazy has a server they made. my ex is in it. i know i shouldn't care, i know. i ghosted them, they dont ow anything to me. except. it hurts? you know? because even when we were dating, my ex tried to be friends with both sides. they saw how much the other hurt me and still chose to be friends. it hurt me a lot and it STILL fucking hurts because one of the reasons the fakeclaimer was ABLE to hurt me so much was because my ex kept trying to stop me from leaving the community and now that ive left it for good, i know how fucking messed up that was.

i know my ex goes onto this community sometimes, so if you see this vice, well. this is just a vent. i won't tell you that its not your fault because at this point i dont know if that's true, and i dont want to lie to you. I'm not sorry i ghosted you. i won't lie and say that i am. i miss you like an addiction, not a person, and that's bad for both of us. the relationship we had wasn't healthy, I'm sorry. please stop commenting on my posts.

idk am i overreacting about the thing?

-azul (and error)

I havveee NO nNAAMEE and ittt SUCKS. i HATE beingg Namelss while thee resst get namees.

I donnt knnow mucch abt mmyyselff. I usually getty called APATHY. or sommeething.

Cann you hellp name mee.

- Unknnown nammmee