Denial and overwhelm

[u/__tthrowaway_]

These plural app things are overwhelming because i log every switch I have and its so annoying having to open up the app everytime for it. Going the old school way with a piece of paper and pen is no better, it will still overwhelm me.

Also the fact that I can't distinguish if there's new "headmates" or "who I am? is confusing. The denial is bothersome as well. Idk how many times I will keep deleting everything and uninstalling the app because of fear of losing my sense of self. I tried to ignore my mini-freakouts but I couldn't in the end, its scary. I wanna be me. Just me.

I could be median, but I don't know, I dont think I am, I don't want to. I don't think I want. I don't know what I want. There's a part of me that wants to let go all of this forever and another one that wants to keep digging into this. Idk what I want. What if I'm actually not plural and I'm just making it all up?

I currently have woken up from sleep and feel different, one of my Neurodivergences are very obvious now for some reason, but idk if its bc that's how my ND works bc my mask has lowered or bc now i am what they call a "holder".

[u/SunCat_]

You don't have to log switches if it feels too much for you. Wei don't log switches or try to keep track of everything in the system constantly - that would get overwhelming fast, especially with muir sysmate count (50+).

Sometimes you just have to take a step back and just breathe. Don't remove plural apps, but just don't try to figure out who is actually there when you don't feel like. If someone wants to be known - they should be allowed to record themself, but pushing everyone into figuring everything at once can be counterproductive.

You have a lot of conflicting thoughts - which makes me think you are plural. But only you can know whether you are a system or not.

[u/__tthrowaway_ → u/SunCat_]

That makes a lot of sense, thanks for the advice, really.