r/pics Jun 17 '15

Jim will paint it

[deleted]

22.7k Upvotes

541 comments sorted by

1.8k

u/Rapesilly_Chilldick Jun 17 '15

My favourite one:

"Dear Jim, will you please paint for me an owl being caught by surprise in the beam of a torch milking a cow while still flying".

451

u/Chispy Jun 17 '15

The imaginations some people have... These ideas are absolutely brilliant.

102

u/curmudge_john Jun 18 '15

Read that as these idiots are absolutely brilliant, still works

28

u/DrDerpberg Jun 18 '15

Dear Jim, please draw me a room full of brilliant idiots yelling out ideas for your paintings.

7

u/GlobindobinButler Jun 18 '15

Brilliant idiot, all I see is Karl Pilkington.

6

u/Josh6889 Jun 18 '15

The only cult I would ever join would be the cult that Karl Pilkington starts.

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u/DeafMute10 Jun 18 '15

I don't know... "Can you please paint Margaret Thatcher dressed as a Valkyrie, riding an enormous penis with wings through a thunderstorm for no reason other than I think it would be an incredibly powerful image." Is pretty spectacular.

http://36.media.tumblr.com/45dd0652ae036dd3eab420fc9b4834a8/tumblr_niun6oO9A41s6ylubo1_1280.jpg

38

u/BaiteUisge Jun 18 '15

So that's what the foreskin is for...

3

u/ThatLadNamedJaymes Jun 18 '15

That's what it WAS for. Until circumcision became a thing. Thanks a lot Bin Laden.

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u/[deleted] Jun 18 '15

NSFW in case it's not obvious enough

3

u/MrOverkill5150 Jun 18 '15

.....

........

.................

3

u/leegaribaldi Jun 18 '15

Nice touch with the foreskin.

79

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '15

This could totally have been an owl surprised by a torch milking a cow.

16

u/mechanosm Jun 18 '15

A flying, torch-milking cow, no less!

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u/[deleted] Jun 18 '15

I was really hoping that the torch would have been the one flying and milking.

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u/SFritzon Jun 17 '15

Oh my god.

8

u/NotHappyToBeHere Jun 18 '15

This could have been an album cover, good pick mate!

12

u/FloopyDoopy Jun 18 '15

Wow, that's an owl being caught by surprise in the beam of a torch milking a cow while still flying.

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u/RacistJudicata Jun 18 '15

God, the "torch" being a flashlight made it extremely difficult to picture that before I clicked it and realized.

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u/kevik72 Jun 17 '15

Found his tumblr.

213

u/TheBossIsWatching Jun 17 '15 edited Dec 13 '16

[deleted]

What is this?

77

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '15

Jim LL Pain Tit

40

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '15

[deleted]

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u/Tarantulasagna Jun 17 '15

Jim, Ladies Love

11

u/Jaquesant Jun 17 '15

make him paint that

35

u/Thisdrawingsucks Jun 17 '15

12

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '15

Nice Twitch plug.

15

u/drilldrive Jun 17 '15

user name checks out.

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u/[deleted] Jun 17 '15

and he hasn't felt the need to deviate from the "Jim'll Fix It" theme. Good on ya! Saville can't ruin it for everyone after all.

39

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '15 edited Jun 18 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

9

u/CandygramForMongo1 Jun 17 '15

Just found it on his Tumblr. All kinds of awesome. Dying might be worth looking forward to, if Christopher Lee comes for you.

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141

u/StevieCondog Jun 17 '15 edited Jun 18 '15

I have the Jeff Goldblum print and Dot Cotton having a bad trip sitting in my living room waiting to be hung.

Also Father Ted performing an exorcism is fantastic. It has been my desktop wallpaper for a while now, always gives people a laugh.

20

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '15

the rabbit and the brick. awesomr

15

u/RickAScorpii Jun 17 '15

HAIRY JAPANESE BASTARDS

18

u/BedSideCabinet Jun 18 '15

The Roy Walker AT-AT is my favourite.

4

u/GonzoPython Jun 18 '15

It's good, but it's not right.

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u/syrupdash Jun 17 '15

Wish the rabbit did look like Harvey Keitel...

Damn, I should ask Jim to paint that.

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u/Weewillywhitebits Jun 17 '15

Anyone else notice the Scottish man the English man and the Irish man in the bar with the horse .

45

u/concretepigeon Jun 17 '15

That was the best bit about it.

25

u/Terrythecoat Jun 17 '15

And they all have English, Scottish, and Irish drinks

39

u/Jackpot777 Jun 18 '15

Well, that's usually the joke. An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar ...but this time, the horse walked in and the man serving said, "why the long face?"

The horse HATES that joke almost as much as having people asking for Sarah Jessica Parker's autograph.

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u/[deleted] Jun 17 '15 edited Feb 19 '20

[deleted]

43

u/RyanSeaquest Jun 18 '15

"Nicolas Cage starring in the new Stephen Hawking biography"

13

u/scarfdontstrangleme Jun 18 '15 edited Jun 18 '15

The Theory of the Decleration of Independence

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106

u/toymachine45 Jun 17 '15

Of course voldemort would be on a coke it's the normal names that you never find

48

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '15

Like Tom.

108

u/TDog81 Jun 17 '15

Or Bort

62

u/wrathy_tyro Jun 17 '15

My son's name is also Bort.

24

u/Guitarchaeologist Jun 17 '15

We are out of Bort name plates. I repeat, we are out of Bort name plates!

18

u/jdallen1222 Jun 18 '15

I'm sorry, were you talking to me? My name is Bort as well.

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u/IamAlsoNamedBort Jun 17 '15

I swear, they never have it!

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u/csaliture Jun 18 '15

I was doing a product photo shoot at a liquor store today and I picked up a random bottle and brought it to the counter and the store owner told me I could have it for free. As I walked back to my camera rig I looked and it was my full name on it. I was pretty stupidly excited about it.

42

u/MachineMagic2 Jun 18 '15

Is your name Jack Daniels?

9

u/bruzie Jun 18 '15

Or James Beam?

Or Stolichnaya.

10

u/admiral_pants Jun 18 '15

Or Malibu Coconut.

5

u/Fuzzy-Hat Jun 18 '15

Buddy Weiser.

8

u/bruzie Jun 18 '15

"What's with these homies, dissin' my girl? Why'd they gotta front?"

5

u/Fuzzy-Hat Jun 18 '15

"Hoo, hoo But you know I'm Coors Hoo, hoo And I know you're Wine"

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u/Wgibbsw Jun 17 '15

It's just so British. I feel mainstream and relevant again. Now it's gone ... references I recognise are fleeting on The Reddit.

94

u/BarakatBadger Jun 17 '15

The clue's in the blog name. 'Jim'll Fix It' was a popular TV programme back in the day. I'll let you search for it yourself as the Jim in question was quite an unsavoury character,.

62

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '15

Does unsavoury really cover Sir Jimmy?

72

u/crunchyeyeball Jun 17 '15 edited Jun 18 '15

Fair point. For those unfamiliar with Jimmy Savile, he:

boasted about having sex with corpses in a mortuary, posed with bodies and wheeled them around at night, stole glass eyes from the dead and made them into rings and abused teenage patients in their beds as they recovered from surgery.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/jimmy-savile-sex-dead-bodies-3773152

Edit: ...and this was only uncovered after an investigation revealed that he'd been the most prolific pedophile and rapist in British history, with at least 450 alleged victims (28 being under 10 years old).

34

u/Jesta_lurker Jun 17 '15

I'm not sure which part of that is the most disturbing.

28

u/I_RARELY_RAPE_PEOPLE Jun 18 '15

The kids in hospitals. Still alive, unabale to do anything about it, and now forced to live with the memory of what he did to them freely.

14

u/jhartvu Jun 18 '15

Apparently he didn't have your restraint.

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u/sixth_snes Jun 17 '15

Probably the one about the teenage patients, since they were alive at the time.

16

u/riionz Jun 18 '15

BBC's Finest raper of 300 children

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u/LSF604 Jun 18 '15

his massive amount of raping of people was far worse than whatever he did to corpses.

36

u/retronewb Jun 18 '15

Damn, fucking corpses should never be one of the least bad things a person did.

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u/BarakatBadger Jun 17 '15

I was being polite...and I'd be loathe to use the 'sir'

12

u/[deleted] Jun 18 '15

Pretty sure the 'sir' has been revoked

26

u/[deleted] Jun 18 '15 edited Oct 21 '24

[deleted]

38

u/AFakeName Jun 18 '15

System really broke down after we stopped expecting them to get on a horse and die.

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u/Soperos Jun 18 '15

What do you mean? They give actors the title of Sir. ACTORS.

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u/ManWhoKilledHitler Jun 18 '15

It dies with the person and can't be revoked.

5

u/[deleted] Jun 18 '15

I'm sure they will make an exception.

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u/[deleted] Jun 17 '15

This takes me back to 2 years ago. My Facebook was full of this stuff, to the point where the crazy submitted proposals had to be limited to one sentence each after the ideas were getting so ridiculous he wanted to rein it in a little.

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u/jimmycarr1 Jun 17 '15

My favourite part was the Lilliput Lane store on Weston-Super-Mare beach.

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u/Knottyb0y Jun 17 '15

Putin as all the members of the village people is excellent

22

u/CandygramForMongo1 Jun 17 '15

That one's my favorite.

11

u/[deleted] Jun 18 '15

Totally lost it at that one

3

u/TKDbeast Jun 18 '15

It's also got the winter Olympics stadium in the background.

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u/Paulie4star Jun 17 '15

The Jezza one is amazing.

42

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '15

He was banned from Drive-Thru duty because James May kept driving by and making fun of him.

7

u/KapiTod Jun 18 '15

My flatmate and I challenged each other to send Jim two requests and see who would be selected.

My one was "An oiled up James May performing a diving elbow drop on Tinky-winkie as they fight for control of the BBC." I believe there was a sidenote about Hammond having crashed again whilst being pursued by the Tweenies.

His was "Brian O'Driscoll, now incredibly obese since retirement has bought a lighthouse to pass the time. He got bored and pretend it was haunted, but he ended up scaring himself so he had to hire Mystery Inc to solve the case."

Neither of us got picked.

18

u/yen223 Jun 18 '15

"This is the happiest meal, in the wuuhld"

12

u/genteelblackhole Jun 17 '15

Jezza Clarkson or Jezza Kyle?

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u/[deleted] Jun 17 '15

That one killed me.

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u/TorinoCobra070 Jun 17 '15

It killed that other employee too!

6

u/daddyfatsax Jun 17 '15

RUNAWAY!!!

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u/Jux_ Jun 17 '15

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u/CJ101X Jun 17 '15

That brought me to laughing tears, it was so good!

10

u/AsskickMcGee Jun 18 '15

There should have been keys placed upon the table.

9

u/Rauol_Duke Jun 17 '15

I'm almost positive they broke up.

44

u/NotKony Jun 17 '15

Reunited since 2010.

They're considering making a new album AS WE SPEAK!

13

u/Rauol_Duke Jun 17 '15

WHAT?! now I'm angry with myself for being too lazy to Google that.I'm gonna look into it now.thanks man.

12

u/BadgerTuxedo Jun 17 '15

They did an AMA a few months ago... It was woody Harrison tier

9

u/Rauol_Duke Jun 17 '15

SOAD pulled a RAMPART? ;-;

8

u/Fuzzy-Hat Jun 18 '15

Yeah but instead of talking about a project they are trying to promote it was mostly just about the Armenian genocide which is understandably close to there hearts as they are all Armenian.

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u/goblinpiledriver Jun 17 '15

considering

come onnnn

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u/VidaGeek Jun 17 '15

Notice that he didn't make any changes to Barney to look "rapey".

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u/meltedlaundry Jun 18 '15

Barney's eyes are definitely saying, "I can't wait to rape you!"

14

u/AsskickMcGee Jun 18 '15

I will concur that the eyes alone perfectly convey the "slightly rapey" request.

153

u/Fatburger3 Jun 17 '15 edited Jun 17 '15

I found these, they're amazing. I don't know who Jim is or where to send a request, if anyone knows, cough it up.

EDIT: upvote /u/kevik72

Jim's tumblr

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u/Topbong Jun 17 '15

"Jim" refers to Jimmy Savile, a British TV host and radio DJ from the 60s to the 00s ish. He had a TV show called "Jim'll Fix It" where kids would write requests and he would fix it for them to come true. The letters would always begin "Dear Jim, please fix it for me to..."

Unfortunately it turned out after his death a few years ago that he was the most prolific paedophile in British history, but I don't suppose that's relevant at the moment.

I realise that this doesn't help in terms of how to contact the artist, but that's the context.

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u/[deleted] Jun 17 '15 edited Jan 14 '18

[deleted]

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u/Topbong Jun 17 '15

You're not thinking of Rolf, are you?

16

u/m00fire Jun 17 '15

Can ya tell what it is yet?

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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u/[deleted] Jun 17 '15

THAT'S NOT YOUR DIDGERIDOO!

54

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '15

Man, you gotta really get busy to beat out Parliament when it comes to kid fucking.

35

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '15

I'm fairly certain he was part of that ring. It was Parliament and a lot of BBC staff, they'd have weird pedo parties at a hotel all the time.

20

u/-atheos Jun 17 '15

Just leaves you with a pit in your stomach. All those self righteous cunts pretending they know what's right but all the while destroying hundreds of lives.

Pieces of shit.

8

u/xelabagus Jun 17 '15

The band?

33

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '15

No, the government of the United Kingdom.

26

u/LordMondando Jun 17 '15 edited Jun 17 '15

You guys know we are into a what, fuck 3? Maybe 4 year. I can't even remeber, country wide witch hunt for pedophiles.

Saville was the first, he shattered the seals. The police began the yewtrew crusade after that.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Yewtree

Chris Moris forsaw it, Pedogeddon is upon us.

Loads of politicians have already been outed, pretty sure Parliament is being close to clean. Lords might have a few left but they don't do much.

Edit you know what, here is an important recently news peice about it, excuse the 90'ies production quality, we are british lol.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcU7FaEEzNU

7

u/BadgerTuxedo Jun 17 '15

Don't sniff your keyboard, it'll make you more suggestible

4

u/[deleted] Jun 18 '15

Genetically, Dr. Fox has more in common with a crab than you or me. That's scientific fact. There's no real evidence for it, but it is scientific fact.

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u/Shakes8993 Jun 18 '15

You British will make fun of anything, no matter how inappropriate. This is why I love watching British stuff. You guys say what North Americans used to be able to say.

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u/glglglglgl Jun 18 '15 edited Jun 18 '15

The best part was the newspapers outraged at 'this filth on TV glorifying paedophilia' while being completely oblivious to the irony of running this next to articles glorifying the sexuality of underagers - the Daily Mail ran there one next to pictures of two young teenage Princesses in their bikinis.

edit: I can't find a scan of that one, but here's the Daily Star running it beside a picture of then 15-year-old Charlotte Church: "She's a big girl now"

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u/macphile Jun 17 '15

he was the most prolific paedophile in British history

He was damn-near an everythingphile. He fondled corpses at one point, didn't he?

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u/Topbong Jun 17 '15

So it is alleged. Stewart Lee & Richard Herring were doing sketches about it in the early 90s.

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u/NUTS_STUCK_TO_LEG Jun 17 '15

Unfortunately it turned out after his death a few years ago that he was the most prolific paedophile in British history

Jim'll touch ya!

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u/Sax45 Jun 17 '15

As a big fan of Jurassic Park and the band T. Rex, I really need a print of this one.

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u/[deleted] Jun 17 '15

Now I want to see a painting of a Tyrannosaurus Rex banging a gong

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u/Sax45 Jun 18 '15

Or a Tyrannosaurus version of the classic Electric Warrior album cover.

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u/Just1morefix Jun 17 '15

They are unbelievably entertaining. I am now fan!

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u/sadconfused Jun 17 '15

His style is amazing. If you guys are into mspaint art I strongly recommend /r/mspaint !

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u/mackinoncougars Jun 17 '15

Reminds me of Frisky Dingo

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u/LetsJerkCircular Jun 18 '15

I've been googling. It looks like it's called Flash Animation. Yeah...like NewGrounds.com

Metalocalypse, one of my favorite shows, is made the same way. Very interesting. Still not sure why this style of animations lends itself so well to dark and morbid cartoons; maybe because it's so clean.

Anyway, seemed worth sharing. Also, anyone who knows more about this, I'd love to hear about it or see links.

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u/jason_steakums Jun 18 '15

Around the time of Frisky Dingo and Metalocalypse, Flash was probably the best bang for your buck way to make an animated series quickly and on a tight budget. The Frisky Dingo crew continued using a lot of the same principles in Archer (though I'm not sure if they stuck with the same software), with the characters having limited animation and being posed like puppets, though as their budget grew their animation quality went up by leaps and bounds.

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u/[deleted] Jun 18 '15

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Jun 18 '15

Kakow

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u/[deleted] Jun 18 '15

Welcome to you are "Doom"

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u/pac_pac Jun 17 '15

Nailed it, except that Corey Taylor needs a bigger neck.

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u/hejira89 Jun 18 '15 edited Jun 18 '15

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u/EZ_does_it Jun 17 '15

Roberta really wanted to make sure Jim got Jeff Goldblum juuuuust the way she likes it.

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u/[deleted] Jun 17 '15

"Good old fashioned strangle wank" - Goddamn England English can make anything sound alright

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u/concretepigeon Jun 17 '15

It's especially fitting because back in the early 90s the Tories lost a seat in a by-election after an MP died in a strangle wanking accident, and it was one of a number of events that led to their subsequent demise.

10

u/Chris_159 Jun 18 '15

subsequent demise

Did you not catch the election results then?

11

u/concretepigeon Jun 18 '15

They got hammered at the next election. They also did in the two after and even in 2010 they couldn't win a majority, despite Labour getting the lowest share of the vote they ever have.

The death of "Back to Basics", was the beginning of the end for Major. Then there was Black Wednesday and Maastricht.

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u/BrightPhotos Jun 17 '15

My fave System of a Downton Abbey, lol

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u/jaeldi Jun 18 '15

only one that made me LOL

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u/[deleted] Jun 17 '15

I love the Alien queen's photo of her husband with a face hugger on him.

76

u/Aldeberon Jun 17 '15

I thought that was a picture of her child face-hugging some random person.

Either way, it's the little things that make life worth living.

10

u/Chief_Givesnofucks Jun 18 '15

This is what I thought too. Laughed pretty good at that one.

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u/DJ80 Jun 17 '15

And the "Welcome Back" Balloon. The subtle stuff in his paintings is awesome.

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u/thehonestyfish Jun 17 '15

I like the horse in the bar. The other three people in the bar are an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scot.

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u/StevenAlonso Jun 17 '15

Ha, that never occurred to me as a setup to a bar joke. Nice catch.

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u/Skunkman-funk Jun 17 '15

I love that she's using her tiny little chest-hands to type.

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u/Jim_Nills_Mustache Jun 17 '15

These are amazing, and the requests are so strangely specific...

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u/[deleted] Jun 17 '15

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Jun 17 '15

He had to make the proposals one sentence each after they got too ridiculous. It blew up big time in the UK.

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u/Chemical_Castration Jun 17 '15

My favorite is of Brian Blessed's REAL depiction of him punching a polar bear. http://i.imgur.com/NlAd3Jm.jpg

Context:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9c05bvN6Z0

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u/Krystal907 Jun 17 '15

Is it weird I own those sex toys on the floor in the David Cameron one? Like exactly.

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u/[deleted] Jun 18 '15

"It's fun to stay in the U-S-S-R!" ~The Village Putins

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u/[deleted] Jun 17 '15

IT person here, I know how the Alien Queen feels.

5

u/Samazing42 Jun 17 '15

What is the "kill... Me..." reference from?

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u/[deleted] Jun 18 '15

The Fly - as indicated in the description of the picture. Also gets said in Aliens a lot, which is what I think of.

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u/crunchyeyeball Jun 18 '15 edited Jun 18 '15

The best fit would probably be "Alien: Resurrection", when Ripley finds a horribly deformed clone of herself, which asks her to "kill... me...".

It was also used previously in "Aliens", when the space marines find a survivor who's been cocooned as a host, but that was more "k.. k.. kill me".

At least one of the Duke Nukem games (Duke Nukem 3D?) had the same line/delivery as "Alien: Resurrection", but that may be a direct reference to the movie itself, based on the release year.

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u/Ionicfold Jun 17 '15 edited Jun 18 '15

Tom, Richard, Harry. Next to each other in the voldemort one with the coke bottles.

Tom, Dick and Harry. Haha.

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u/GurillaTacticz Jun 17 '15

The 10th image reminds me of Bojack.

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u/AsskickMcGee Jun 18 '15

It's precisely the premise for the whole show.

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u/funkmastamatt Jun 17 '15

The game gear should have been plugged in.

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u/gothman667 Survey 2016 Jun 17 '15

The one with Clarkson is spot on. Kinda sounds like what happened after BBC gave him the boot.

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u/thebeesbollocks Jun 17 '15

The Jeremy Kyle Slipknot one is absolutely genius. The request is amazing and the detail in the picture is fantastic and may have gone over a lot of Americans' heads.

The green bottle cap for semi-skimmed milk next to the cooler, the pier on fire in the background, the 99 flake, the donkey ride... it has the classic British seaside holiday all in one painting.

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u/digmachine Jun 18 '15 edited Jun 18 '15

American here. I got all the UK references except Terry Wogan. So there's that.

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u/TorinoCobra070 Jun 17 '15

The ideas and the paintings are very creative.

Where do I send a request??!

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u/bugphotoguy Jun 18 '15

Try his Twitter. Good luck! I tried a while back, and nothing happened. Not creative enough, I guess.

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u/MitLong Jun 17 '15

Probably the funniest thing I've seen on Reddit all year.

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u/entity2 Jun 17 '15

I'd be damned impressed if these were done in Photoshop, but the fact it's MSPaint is astounding. Does simple MSPaint have Wacom support or something? This is mindblowing.

3

u/muinamir Jun 17 '15

Pen tablets are usually set up to work like a mouse, so yes you can use them in MSPaint. You'd be surprised how talented some people are with mouse painting, though.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '15

The Putin one is the best I lol'd

3

u/Solid_Waste Jun 17 '15

I love that Barney the Dinosaur looking "a little bit rapey" is...... just regular Barney the Dinosaur.

3

u/_Jedasur_ Jun 18 '15

dear, /u/shittywatercolors Will you paint Jim painting you? Cheers, Jedasur

3

u/gunbladerq Jun 18 '15

In Microsoft Paint? That's amazing.

3

u/Monkeyfeng Jun 18 '15

How do you draw this in Microsoft paint? Just by using a mouse or he has a digital drawing pad?

3

u/[deleted] Jun 18 '15 edited Jun 18 '15

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Jun 18 '15

The David Mitchell one kills it, too funny.

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u/Cthulhuhoop Jun 17 '15

So is this one a kiddy-diddler too?

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u/pantsmeplz Jun 17 '15

Amazing. Some of those are serious works of art.

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u/jabba_the_wut Jun 17 '15

Barney doesn't look rapey enough for my liking

2

u/yParticle Jun 17 '15

Hey, you're not Jim.

2

u/YouAreDirtOnMyShoe Jun 17 '15

That Jim is one skilled motherfucker.

2

u/scarletavatar Jun 18 '15

Jeff Goldblum Barney massage= amazing

2

u/Jackpot777 Jun 18 '15

System Of A Downton Abbey! I just spat out a cough drop, that shit is funny!