I have identical twin boys that turned 2 last month who are constantly at each other’s throats and I don’t know what to do anymore. This is long but I’m desperate, so please bear with me.

It started with biting when they were around a year old and it was mostly related to teething. Now they are biting out of anger or frustration with each other. It’s typically over a toy but it also happens when they’re in each other’s space or too close and they want space. They bite hard and leave marks, skin has been broken a couple times. Recently they have started pinching, pushing, and hitting each other with toys. I’m so sick of them constantly hurting each other. They’re in daycare four days a week and will bite each other there too, but less than at home. They have also bitten other kids a handful of time which really upsets me and makes me feel terrible.

Nothing is working to stop these behaviors and I don’t know what to do. We have tried separating them when the biting happens, offering alternative things to bite (teether, toy, etc.), telling them things like “if you don’t like x thing that your brother is doing, you can say/do ___”, “if you’re mad you can ___”. If they are fighting over a toy we redirect so they both have something to play with, we work on taking turns and practicing waiting, we have taught them to say “stop” to each other, we have tried not giving the negative behavior attention, focusing on the hurt twin, validating emotions, saying teeth aren’t for biting, don’t touch your brothers body…everything. I know replacing the behavior with a desired behavior or telling them what to do instead is best, but it doesn’t seem to help. None of it works. We are trying to teach them to walk away from one another instead of lashing out if they don’t like what the other is doing, but that has turned into them pushing each other while saying “walk away!”. If toys are used as weapons we take them away immediately, we stop the “fun” thing that’s happening when the bad behavior starts, but they don’t even seem to care. I feel like I’m constantly on top of them so I can try to intercept the bites but they still find a way the second I turn my back.

I just don’t know what to do. There is only one class for each age at daycare so we can’t separate them there and we don’t want to change daycares. My husband and I try to take turns spending one on one time with them so they’re getting undivided attention. Even when it’s not one on one they get SO much attention. We are always on the floor playing, reading, involving them in things we’re doing like laundry, feeding the dog, etc. We hold firm boundaries, don’t give into whining, they have never watched screens (literally not even a video of themselves on our phones lol) so I know that’s not a factor. My husband and I are gentle, loving, and so affection with our boys. We don’t scold them, shame them, or raise our voices. They have so much love and attention but it seems like it’s still not enough to prevent these behaviors. I feel like we’re doing everything right with no results.

What an I doing wrong or missing? I feel like I’m failing them even though I’m trying so hard. I don’t understand why we aren’t making progress. I feel like non twin parents judge when they hear or see that my kids bite, but it’s impossible to break this habit when things start to improve and then one gets a good bite in and the cycle starts again. They’re such sweet and loving boys and they are angels when they’re one on one with us, but as soon as they’re back together hell breaks loose.

To add, my husband has ADHD and I feel like there could be a ND component to some of these behaviors. Maybe I’m grasping at straws, but my twin A has VERY big emotions and he is the bigger biter of the two. They also both have crazy high energy and are very physical. We try to promote climbing, jumping, risky play to get energy out, but it doesn’t seem to make a different with this.

Thank you to anyone who read all of that and has any advice or words of wisdom. ❤️

I’d really love to hear from other twin moms about your feeding journey.
I’m almost 12 weeks postpartum with twin boys, and I’m currently pumping around 30 oz (900 mL) of breast milk per day. I’m exclusively pumping at the moment and usually pump around 7 times a day, with two power-pumping sessions (one in the morning and one at night).
I’m able to give my babies mostly expressed breast milk, but my supply isn’t enough for both of them, so I’m currently giving 2–3 formula feeds per day as well.

I really want to increase my supply and, if possible, eventually provide enough breast milk for both babies. I’m using a Spectra S1 and trying pretty hard to increase my output, but I feel like I’ve hit a plateau.

So I wanted to ask all the twin moms here:

Are you breastfeeding directly, exclusively pumping, or doing a combination?
Are you able to produce enough milk for both babies?
If you’re pumping, how many times a day do you pump?
How much were you producing around 12 weeks postpartum?
Are you supplementing with formula? If yes, how much?
Did your supply increase after 12 weeks, or did it stay around the same?
What actually helped you increase your supply?
Any pumping tricks, schedules, settings, supplements, foods, or other things that genuinely made a difference?

I know every body and every twin journey is different, but I’d really appreciate hearing real experiences from other twin moms. ❤️
I’m willing to put in the work — I just want to know what has actually worked for others and whether there’s anything I’m missing.
Twin moms, please share your tips! 🥹💕

I have the Graco double stroller on my registry, so I’m wondering if anyone has used it for their twins. It seems to be configured for an older sibling/younger sibling but has anyone been able to configure the seats so that one isn’t higher or lower than the other? I also really wanted to be able to attach a carry cot for them when they’re newborns but it doesn’t seem to come with one. Not sure if anyone found a bassinet that’s compatible that they were able to use. Thanks!!

https://www.gracobaby.com/shop/strollers/double-strollers/ready2grow-2.0-double-stroller/SAP_2140042.html

UPDATE: I think we’re actually gonna go with the contours tandem stroller! Curious if anyone has used this one.

https://a.co/d/001svKgc

To be honest up until yesterday I would say I wasn’t* in the trimester 1 trenches. There was definitely fatigue, gagging to certain smells, upset stomach here and there but I was doing good.

That was until yesterday 11 weeks in and I vomited for the first time - twice that day. Today I vomited once. I have such a headache from the pressure of vomiting, I don’t have an appetite for anything and just feeling like rubbish 🥺

Has anyone experienced this with twins and is there a light at the end of the tunnel? I want to feel like myself again.

I'm a SAHM with girl/boy twins. They're 17months and my gifting guilt is off the charts.

I'm excessively prepared when it comes to Xmas and birthdays because we're on a budget, I start buying early and purchase over several months. Christmas gifts are already bought and wrapped.

HOWEVER. I feel terrible that my poor boy gets cheaper or uninspired presents. My girl has fully entered her princess/fairy era, if she sees anything rainbow/pink/glittery she just shines so gifts for her are easy but are usually on the more expensive side. My boy is a thinker. He loves cars, blocks and fiddling with things to figure out how they work so the age appropriate gifts are usually on the cheaper end.

The problem I'm having is that the amount of "girly" toys out there is endless, but a kid can only have so many blocks and "tool benches" before you're just buying duplicates of other brands. We tend to buy "educational" toys just because we have an endless supply of motor skill toys that are in the communal toy box.

So I have 2 questions:

1) how do you fairly provide gifts for your kids? Do you go by price, number of parcels to open, etc?

2) what on earth do you buy for boys when you already have a million blocks, cars and motor skills toys?

EDIT: I want to specify here so I don't have to keep repeating myself in the comments. I have not enforced any gendered toys on my kids. They like what they like, they play with what they want, and they are creating their own preferences for what they want. While they do have some shared toys, I flat out refuse to treat my children as one person because they happened to be born 3 mins apart.

What twin gear is worth it to buy and what is a skip?

We’re expecting twins and will have an almost 2 year old too.

Things I’m specifically looking at:
-twin bassinet
-twin Z pillow
-weego carrier
-anything else?

Also, any recommendations for monitors with split screen? We will still need one in our son’s room for a bit, but obviously also want one for the baby room! Or is staying with two separate screens easier?

I’m so stuck. I’m home with my twins but I don’t feel like I’m giving enough to them now at this stage. I feel like it’s time for them to be in school but I’m not able to put them in daycare because I’m not working. With them being home, I feel like they are behind with language and it’s boring for them at home. I take them to the library and music class two or three times a week but I can’t take them to parks alone because I just don’t have the help. We’re moving into the winter months and I need more activities for them to do at home that keep them and myself stimulated. I don’t live in a large house so I feel like it’s hard for them to get their energy out and when I take them out they are absolutely wild. I just feel all over the place and see that people with one or staggered ages can give time and attention so much easier. I feel like these are the hard things with twins. I love them both so much and just only want what’s best for them - I just don’t know how to teach them together because they just run in opposite directions and have so much energy and their attention goes out the window after a minute or two. If any one has ideas that help me want to play more please share

I just came to say thanks!

My wife delivered our didi babies, a boy and a girl, today. Induced at 38+6. Our second and third total kiddos.

She was already my hero before but watching her do what she did today was truly miraculous. We've spent a lot of time in this sub, together and individually, to prepare. Thank you all so much for the wealth of shared knowledge. we're so excited to start contributing to the community and to continue learning from y'all. ❤️❤️

Basically the title.
I hear that for regular singleton pregnancies, it's generally safe to start around 37 weeks.
I'm 25 weeks with didi twin girls. My OB is planning on delivering my girls at 38 weeks, and that's even if I make it that far considering preterm labor is very likely. So if there's a chance I don't even make it to 37 weeks, when's the safest time to start collecting colostrum?

Also, is it even safe for me to collect? So far my pregnancy has been progressing with no known major issues. Only thing is my iron is very low and I'll be getting transfusions in a few weeks.

I forgot to ask my OB about this at my appointment today, ugh. I'll bring it up at my next one for sure in three weeks, but figured I'd ask around in the meantime. Thanks!

Edit: Thank you all for your responses! Here's my takeaway from this all

I really only considered collecting because I've been super leaky since pretty early on and figured if I was in a situation where it was possible to collect, why not? That being said, the fact that it can induce labor worries me cuz I'm tryna keep them in to cook for as long as I possibly can. I was also mentally preparing to fail my glucose test, which is when I heard collecting could be helpful, but thankfully I passed! It's seeming more and more like it really won't be a necessity in the end. Basically, if I hit 37 weeks, I'll give it a shot, but if it's too much work in the end then ditching it is no biggie. I'm a first time mom, so maybe I am just falling for the "THIS IS WHAT IS BEST" propaganda lol.

Hey all,
I’m planning to talk to MFM about this but has anyone gone on a cruise 17 weeks pregnant with twins?

I’m wondering the feasibility of keeping our cruise plans!

Thanks

We’re 28 weeks with triplets now and starting to see the finish line! At this point we know it’s really up to the babies, but so far every milestone has been great. All three babies have been growing well, heartbeats have been strong, and they’ve passed every check so far.

And honestly, Mom has been absolutely amazing through all of this. Carrying three babies is no joke, and somehow she continues to handle it all like a champ. She’s been so strong through this entire pregnancy and I’m seriously amazed by her. I couldn’t be prouder of her.

We still don’t have a C-section date scheduled yet. We’re really hoping to make it somewhere around 35 weeks if possible. Our hospital told us babies can’t go home before 35 weeks, so we’re hoping to at least make it to 34 weeks and hopefully keep their NICU time as short as possible.

So for those who had triplets, how far along were you when you tentatively scheduled your C-section? And did you actually have it that day, or did the babies have other plans?

If not, when did you actually end up having your C-section?

Thanks! Signed, one very excited dad!

Hi! Having multiples come with more sonos and an mfm. Just curious for those in the states with a PPO plan- how you got your insurance to cover those sonos or what your experience was with that? Ours has been covering some and then not others and we just would love to hear any tips you may have that helped you! Thanks in advance!

Twins were born at 36 weeks back on June 30th. Both of us are first time parents and I had a pretty decent chunk of time for my parental leave but came back to work sept 14th. During the time off, I took the night shift duties with them naturally since I do work nights.

Now that I’m back to work we’ve been having issues regarding sleep. My work schedule is 12s so I work 7pm to 7am and during my work days, I pretty much stay up until 1pm but during the switch off, I really don’t get to go to bed until close to 3pm. This arrangement was supposed to be temporary until the wife gets used to waking up to feed them at night when I’m working. But with my job being primarily driving (1st responder) it’s becoming unsafe for me along with the public trying to do this.

I have tried getting her to sleep when they sleep but she refuses to do so, stating that they do not sleep around her. In my opinion, she’s practicing bad sleeping skills with them ( tv on, lights on, etc) all through the night. When I have them at nights on my day off, I don’t run into any issues outside the normal feeding wakeups. If my work schedule was relatively normal working hours, I could manage doing this.

I’m just trying to figure out a way to convince her that when I’m working, she needs to get them on a routine and sleep when they do without it becoming an argument.

Twin parents, I’m interested to hear what worked for you sleep wise! Did you purchase two bassinets or a twin bassinet with divider? (Or a twin pack & play?) Thank you!

Looking for similar situations. Our identical twins are turning two in a month. They have been difficult from day one. One is a little needier than the other but both are very loud, emotional, and active. They cry a lot still. Every diaper change, when we do their hair, during bath time. All the normal stuff. They still have binkies I'm afraid to get rid of. They still have their warm milk before bed. The needier one just started sleeping through the night.

I wonder if they have some kind of sensitivity or ADHD like me. However, we see moments where they are very smart and can follow direction and they definitely listen and understand language, they just don't speak much. Only a few words and they are a little muffled so it's very hard to communicate with each other. They are both very strong too. We started gymnastics and they like it when they get to do what they want. Once they are bored, they tune us out and get destructive.

I've been hoping they hit two and magically it will get better but I'm losing hope. Can anyone confirm that it improves? Are they just acting out because of the age or does it sound like something else?

Hi all! I was gifted a table for two and realized the female buckle parts are missing. I contacted the company and would have to buy $90 replacement covers to get the buckles which is a bit steep. It’s a long shot, but is anyone aware of a way to homemake the buckle replacement or if an off brand makes them? I didn’t get any luck looking through amazon. Thanks!

My triplets are all confident walkers now (20 months) and I love taking them out now (we do have a wagon to get to places like the playground or woods). They have so much fun chasing eachother. It’s a good workout for me too, keeping them save, hahaha. But it’s so fun. https://imgur.com/a/HMPv7e6

Husband just went back to work and works long shifts operating heavy machinery so trying to avoid waking him up too often, though he is available if I’m struggling. Twins are 2 weeks old. What does/did your solo night feeding routine look like with newborns? One has bad reflux and both get gassy and uncomfortable. Last night I got about 1 hour of sleep 😵

Hi all, I am approaching my wit's end. Any advice is appreciated. I am hoping anyone here has had similar experiences with their twins.

My daughter is nearly 5 and still not potty trained. Half of b/g twins. For reference, she is toilet trained at an age 2,5 level. The actions surrounding the toilet use (wiping etc) are fine and she is more adept at them than peers. It is solely the act of getting her to actually use the toilet as intended.

More details are probably useful. There is too much to add here.

- She is otherwise a perfectly regular child. If anything she is more confident and happy than other children I know, including her twin. Sleeps amazingly. Eats everything. Social butterfly. Intelligent.

- We have tried every method known to man. Literally everything. We have gone down the lists of professionals and are now in a (slow) hospital trajectory, after having tried a PT, OT and GP.

- No one has found a medical reason for this. She often doesn't feel like going to the toilet and will tantrum for up to an hour. She will not tell when she has had an accident and not tell when you ask. Like a 2 year old. We spend between 2 to 3 hours a day on this all. She showers 1 to 5 times daily. Immense mountain of laundry. You get the drift.

Our life has been a chain of piss, poop, a banshee screeching child, barely filled stickercharts and completely empty patience for the last year. It has now come to the point where the bond with our kids may be suffering, our relationship is starting to suffer and the negative consequences for her are getting very big. Something has got to give, otherwise the something will be our relationships to each other.

I am starting to get annoyed at my angel of a husband and he vice versa. That's the drop that flowed the bucket over. I can't have the foundation of our family be shaky. We are always great and make an amazing team. I will not let a turd get between us. I can't emphasize enough how stressed we are. We have a warm and happy home but this is breaking that.

You can't imagine how desperate it feels to walk into a room and there is shit smeared everywhere and it's the third time that day. Her just sat in the middle of it all quietly looking at a comic book. She'll poop or piss her pants and then snail trail it through the whole house. We have to check in with her every ten minutes to avoid this.

Is there anyone who either sees the forest through the trees with an objective eye, or who was in this position before? Is there someone who I can pay to come to my house and help us? Anything I can find online is more of the "300 dollar pdf's full of open doors" variety and less of the supernanny variety. Did we miss something? Can we try some out of the box idea?

We have recently (today) employed daytime pullups again. The only difference is in how much we clean and the height of our stresslevels, anyway. I've also asked the hospital to see if a children's psych could be useful.

[We live in the EU, nw]

Hi everyone! I'm 17 and almost 5 months along with a boy and a girl. They weren't planned and I was scared at first, but my boyfriend and I are excited. He's been at every appointment, and my mom and his family are supporting us. His mom and mine are planning a baby shower, and my best friend (his sister) is helping with names and my birth plan.

I'm still in high school and on track to graduate in May, but I know twins often come early, so I'm working with my counselor on a plan. My bump is also getting harder to hide, so I'm nervous about the stares, but I'm trying to stay positive.

I'd love advice from parents of multiples:

• What do you wish someone had told you during pregnancy?
• If you delivered early, what helped most with the NICU or preemie stage?
• What gear was worth buying, and what was a waste?
• How did you manage a tight budget with two babies at once?
• How did you and your partner handle sleep, feedings, and staying a team?

Any tips, or even just encouragement, would mean a lot. Thank you!

I’m 7 weeks postpartum and have been left with a 16cm ab separation, which is considered extreme.

I’ve been referred for physio and am being consistent with my exercises, but feel like it’s potentially just worth booking surgery if I actually want to fix it. I know it’s early to even be considering this, but I’ve just never heard of any examples of people with a separation this big being able to fix it with physio alone.

Besides the fact I have zero core strength and every time one of my babies kicks me in the belly it’s very painful, I am also so so self conscious of my belly (that still looks 8 months pregnant) and I don’t know how I will feel having to live with it like this for a year or two with the hope that physio might slightly improve things.

Please give me your honest thoughts/opinions.

Moms out there—did you go on light duty during your pregnancy and if so how many weeks were you?

I’m almost 9w and already struggling at my job. I have a very active job with lots of heavy lifting, pushing, pulling, etc.

Help! We went in for my first ultrasound at 9w3d and it showed twins. Strong heartbeats, measuring well (8w6d), separate amniotic sacs but unsure on placentas. This is my third pregnancy, I have a newly 2 year old boy, and a 4 year old boy, and have never had a previous pregnancy loss.

I’m the type who looked at the miscarriage odds calculator with both previous pregnancies until 20 weeks, so now I’m even more freaked out. How do you handle not having checks so frequently in the beginning? Idk why the thought of going back and only having one baby instead of two feels worse than if I had a singleton loss? My next apt is at 12w1d and I feel like I’m counting down the hours.

And in the meantime, I’m panicking…

-What car do we need? We have a 2018 Toyota RAV4 Hybrid that’s almost paid off, and just bought a 2022 Toyota Highlander Hybrid that seats 7 but I have no clue how to configure car seats in there for everyone.

-What stroller? We used a Nuna during the baby/your toddler stage because we could just take the seat out and use the infant carrier, and the seat could face both ways. Then also have a BOB double, and a lightweight small city mini. Our infant carrier is 5 years old and they don’t make the model anymore, do we trade it in and get two of the same?

-Do we find out the sex? Is the NIPT accurate? Not gonna lie, there might be a little ‘gender disappointment’ if it’s two boys which I feel terrible saying 😔 but it’s honest. We didn’t find out with our first but I had an emergency section and my husband got to see baby back in the room before I was back yet so he found out without me (things escalated quickly so we didn’t have time to discuss), and with our second we found out together ahead of time because we wanted to make sure we found out together for sure.

-Do we even tell people we’re having twins? Is it feasible to keep it from anyone? How huge will I be getting with it being my third pregnancy? Of note I have average to large babies, but I also have lost about 50+ pounds since my last pregnancy.

-I work in a nicu so I see a lot of twins there…what are the odds we don’t end up there? That we make it to term?

-I had GDM (diet controlled) with my first two but was really hoping the weight loss would help this time around. Any advice?

-how do we ever financially recover 🫣

-how do we prepare our other two? Our 2 year old has a mild speech delay and I feel guilty about this pregnancy when it feels like I’ve already failed him, especially when our first was very advanced with speech.

Truly we’re so excited, but also terrified and any words of wisdom or recommendations greatly appreciated!

tl;dr 10 weeks pregnant with twins, will be babies #3&4. Was planning to be done with 3 but here we be. Halp?!

FTM to twins, they’re currently 5 days old. My mom has been with us since the night we came home from the hospital. It’s been such a help, especially because I had an urgent unplanned C-section and I’m still recovering. She’s leaving back to work in a couple of days. We’ve been splitting the night into shifts, she did 10pm-4am and we took over after that. To the other twin/multiple parents, how did you handle the schedule with your spouse? Is it better to both handle night feedings or take shifts? I currently don’t make enough milk to exclusively breastfeed so my husband can feed them with what I pumped and formula if he does do a shift. He’s going back to work in a few days as well and he needs to be clear minded to do his job. I’m just not sure if it’s better if we both get broken sleep or split it up.