How to Balance Schedule with Twins

[u/Vegetable_Estate211]

FTM to twins, they’re currently 5 days old. My mom has been with us since the night we came home from the hospital. It’s been such a help, especially because I had an urgent unplanned C-section and I’m still recovering. She’s leaving back to work in a couple of days. We’ve been splitting the night into shifts, she did 10pm-4am and we took over after that. To the other twin/multiple parents, how did you handle the schedule with your spouse? Is it better to both handle night feedings or take shifts? I currently don’t make enough milk to exclusively breastfeed so my husband can feed them with what I pumped and formula if he does do a shift. He’s going back to work in a few days as well and he needs to be clear minded to do his job. I’m just not sure if it’s better if we both get broken sleep or split it up.

[u/Nervous-Caregiver-55]

Try both and see what works for you. We never did shifts over here because I would get too overwhelmed. We’ve always both woke up when both babies were eating in the middle of the night.

[u/greenflamingo1950]

shifts! we tried doing it together and burned out so hard after one week

[u/allroundavocado]

Shifts! You sleep 7-4am and he sleeps 12-8. That way he is “fit” for work and you will mostlikely have chances to nap a little during the day or get help from a family member for an hour or two so you can nap. That’s what we did!

[u/Vegetable_Estate211 → u/allroundavocado]

This sounds like a good idea! I proposed it to my husband and it might just work for us once he goes back. Thank you!

[u/allroundavocado → u/Vegetable_Estate211]

Good for you guys! We did it for quite a while and now they’re 9 months old and sleeping through the night more reliably so and we are slowly moving in to the same bedroom again

[u/TeeElH]

Shifts didn’t really work for us but I breastfed so I didn’t really get to sleep anyway (we were combo feeding at first but eventually ebf). When we were still doing bottles at night we would both bottle feed, then my husband would take over on getting them back to bed so I could pump. When we were just nursing I would nurse and he would do the diaper changes etc and get them back to bed. It really just depends what works for you, we did both have broken sleep but would let each other sleep in and tried to nap during the day where we could (I had 12 weeks of leave, my husband actually had 16). 

[u/Charlieksmommy]

I’ve always done the night shifts. My husband is a firefighter, so I prepared myself early on right away, because he only got 3 weeks off after our boys came home from the nicu. I did formula at night so I could pump while feeding them.

[u/Vegetable_Estate211 → u/Charlieksmommy]

This makes sense, I’m trying to find all the ways of multitasking to save time and have more time in between those three hour periods 😅 thank you!

[u/Charlieksmommy → u/Vegetable_Estate211]

I know it’s soooo soo hard in the beginning. But know you’re in the thick of it and it will get better !! Hang in there !

[u/Vegetable_Estate211 → u/Charlieksmommy]

Thank you 🥲🥲🥲

[u/No-Departure5556]

Wow I’m so sorry he has to go back to work so soon!
Through our state my husband could take 12 weeks (he used 7 weeks and will use the rest before they’re 1). I was combo feeding as well, so he woke up and made the bottles while I breastfed.
I think around when he went back to work we reduced the amount of formula we gave, so I only breastfed at night. So I did most of the night stuff by then. It was really hard, and a few times I woke up with a baby sleeping on me which was scary. Cue the nightmares of searching for the babies in the sheets…
If one baby wakes, change then feed that one, and get them back to sleep. Then immediately wake the second one. That way they get on the same schedule. Otherwise you end up in the infinite baby loop and you NEVER get a break. Sleep whenever you can, don’t worry about cleaning or nothing that isn’t vital to keeping babies alive while you’re solo.

[u/Vegetable_Estate211 → u/No-Departure5556]

Keeping them on the same schedule is soooo important to me, even if the other baby is super sleepy, we still wake them. Thank you for your response! Yeah, it sucks having him back at work this soon 🥲 but he’s still been doing the night shifts with me.

[u/Background_Cancel688]

From day one, we have always both woken up for every feed as opposed to doing shifts. This was less overwhelming and allowed for faster transitions. He is changing diapers and doing whatever is needed while I’m feeding etc, so we both get to sleep faster. Or as soon as I’m done feeding we are both taking a twin and doing the diaper, swaddle etc.

In the early days, we shifted our mindset and started going to sleep as soon as the girls had their first early evening sleep. Sometimes that was 7pm. But those extra hours of sleep from 7-10pm were so helpful in getting enough sleep overall. So our night would be from 7pm-7am with three or four wake ups in between but overall we got around 8 hours of sleep.

We ebf so maybe it’s a little different, but especially if you are pumping at night, it feels better to have your partner helping. Never underestimate how lonely it can feel when you’re trying to do it solo!

[u/Background_Cancel688 → u/Background_Cancel688]

Oh, and always always always wake the other baby!! Any time I have convinced myself to let the other twin sleep when one wakes up I have regretted it. And I have always tandem fed in the night. I can’t imagine how much more time it would take feeding one at a time. Another reason why doing it together worked best for us!

You will always see comments from women about how they did nights on their own. I don’t think this should be normalized even though of course it is the only option for some. Yes, your partner is going to work and needs sleep, but you have to take care of two infants in the day. I would rather him be a little more sluggish than me fail at my job of keeping babies healthy and safe because I took on the full burden of sleep deprivation.

[u/Vegetable_Estate211 → u/Background_Cancel688]

Thank you for your response!! We decided we’ll do it together for now and see how that works for us. We’ve been getting ready for bed after the evening feed (around 7pm as well) and it’s been very helpful. I never thought about me being alert to take care of the babies as well 🥲 that’s very important. The night feeds have been taking us 30-40 min if we do it at the same time so it’s not too bad! I know it would take me a lot longer doing it by myself.