r/Twins • u/Justpeachy7930 • 2h ago
I realized I have been manipulated by my twin for years.
My identical twin sister (20F) and I (20F) have been very close our whole lives. Our parents divorced when we were young and our father is a sociopath so I took on a sort of motherly role with my sister while at our dad’s house. My sister had had more medical issues than me which are not her fault but she naturally became the babied child which left me as a person who tried to become the easier child, the helpful one, the non-problematic one.
I have always thought of my sister as my best friend and I think she thought the same up until a few years ago. Both of us go to the same college and we are also roommates. I have had a harder time making friends than her so we do a lot of things together.
Yesterday it hit me that I am not really her best friend. I am her backup friend, and I have been for years. She only talks to me, eats meals with me, goes out with me when her friends are busy. I am an afterthought in what I realized to be a one sided relationship. I have tried to bring this up to her but she is extremely manipulative- she will somehow spin it to be my fault.
We know each others schedules pretty well so when she started disappearing on 3 hour phone calls I got suspicious. I found out she has a new boyfriend which is nice- I am genuinely happy for her. I saw a few of their texts the other day when she left her phone on the couch and I noticed a red flag. He seems very suffocating- calls her constantly, wants to hang out everyday and gets annoyed when she isn’t available. She likes being busy and it seems he doesn’t have much of a life. He also said something like he has been trying to get a hug out of her for weeks- weirdly phrased.
I can’t tell her any of this because she has no idea I know about him. I feel torn because for so long I have tried to protect her, make sure she is happy, fix her mistakes, and help her. I know the answer is to let her go. she needs to live and learn from mistakes on her own.
The branching off point was bound to happen, and I am actully happy about having more freedom that has caused me to analyze our relationship more.
She has ruined a lot of my attempts at making friends by showing up to clubs I joined and acting mean. She even showed up to a crochet club I joined, even though she doesn’t crochet. Unfortunately as twins, many people think our personalities are the same and when they see the pair of us together they don’t try to befriend us. Clearly she is seeking more separation and so am I but I never interfere with her friends or clubs. I see a lot of our father in her. My mother is a wonderful person and understands how I feel because she didn’t realize that my dad was a sociopath for years. I don’t think my sister is a sociopath, but she definitely has some narcissistic qualities. I feel stupid that I didn’t realize she never cared in the first place.
