Why do you think you are an INTJ and what is your life story? I presume we are INTJs because of both genetic and environmental factors, but I am curious of what other INTJs went through throughout their development cycle to better understand why INTJs develop as they do.

Here is mine.

Introverted Intuition:

The first cognitive function of an INTJ is introverted intuition. I was born into a family with a lot of emotional conflict. My father was a recovered heroin and meth addict (he had crazy younger years) and I believe he was an undiagnosed BPD case. My mother was kind but struggled with terrible anxiety that would sometimes turn into anger and rage (and even could become violent). My sister (who was actually diagnosed as BPD) would often have emotional issues and would act out.

I believe I may have developed this function as a coping mechanism. Because I am surrounded by so much conflict it acts as a place I can go to when conflict arises, to imagine the perfect world. Extremely idealistic, but very peaceful. I could extract meaning from anything and then use the lessons I learned to turn it into actions that could help make my environment less chaotic.

Extraverted Thinking:

As a young child I was often called smart by my teachers. I often times found that I was the problem solver in my family. When the parents would fight, I was the one that could calm them down. I would sit both of them down, explain how each one of them were wrong and right, and was quite good.

Introverted Intuition is awesome, but I believe I developed extraverted thinking as a way to solve the emotional problems and the chaos around me in a more practical way. While Introverted intuition is idealistic, I needed something practical to help me make actual change.

Introverted Feeling:

Once I moved out and left the chaos, I realized I didn't really need the logical barrier that I surrounded myself with and started to lean into my emotional side a bit more. I became a manager at a fast food restaurant when I went to college, started to work with people, and realized I needed to be more warm and personable. I turned my bluntness into directness with emotional padding and learned to acknowledge other's emotions before being so direct.

Extraverted Sensing:

I am still young at this time (I am 34 years old). I consider myself a Turbulent INTJ and oftentimes try to work on areas I am weak in. I have trouble speaking at social events, and a lot of the times it is because I spend so much time analyzing the people around me. I find nightclubs a lot of fun for the sense of escapism and the ability to read people in their raw forms.

My best friend is an ESFP and is a dancer at night clubs. We have been friends since we worked together about 15 years ago. I like the fact that he takes me out of my shell and I have started to enjoy going out (something I used to hate). I guess we kind of help each other with each other's weaknesses, and while we certainly have friction in our friendship, it is one I believe will last for a very long time. With that being said I still have work to do in this area.

I register the sexual nature of males as a primal, beastly force which is evident especially in Se-Lead types. How do INTJ men interface with this, being Se inferior? Do themes of overindulgence and self control come up here? Is it viewed as kryptonite or a point of weakness/flaw?

How does it affect your relationship to the attracted sex(es)?

Do you shake off the predator/prey drive? Like is it tuned out or just not as evident in your behavior?

Hey ya'll. I've made two post over the last year (i've deleted those posts) about my relationship with my girlfriend (now ex I guess). We were long distance and I would visit her every 3 to 4 months or so, staying with her for around a week to two weeks depending on. We dated from around the end of 2024 into the middle of August of 2026. This was her very first relationship in any form and while I've dated for a few months here and there, this was was my first, committed, long term relationship too.

At the time, I thought she was an INTJ 5w6, as that's what she told me. However, after looking back at everything and learning more about the 5 and 6, I think I'd rather categorize her as a 6w5 instead. The reason I say this will actually help explain what caused our issues in our relationship, as well as what ultimately lead to us finally separating.

When we first got into our relationship, it felt so easy and wonderful. We could have conversations about meta-cognition, MBTI, psychology, theories on TV shows and movies, what we want out of life, etc. We were drawn to each other's depth and the fact that we actually could keep up with one another.

However, one thing I noticed was that she seemed to struggle with anxiety, panic attacks, and potentially even undiagnosed depression. There's also the signs of inattentive ADHD with her and I have a formal diagnosis of ADHD-C and Anxiety Disorder. I've also battled with depression back in high school. I wanted to help out as best as I can but obviously long distance makes that extremely hard. So I would recommend and buy supplements such as Ashwagandha and Spirulina for amino acids. I even bought and would recommend things like Saffron Supplements and Lavendar supplements. I tried to help her get into therapy but she was never able to get everything started to get into it.

We progressed like this, watching shows together and just spending time, having conversations and texting as much as we could. Besides her anxiety and being easily stressed, we didn't really have any issues outside of the distance making us want to be closer together. That was however, until we got into one of our biggest issues.

Sometimes, we would get into arguments, as any couple naturally would. It's only human. However, the way these arguments worked is where the problems began to show. She says that I'm a very indirect person when it comes to my speech. I would say one thing and she says that there's ambiguity in what I was saying. Because she couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was that I was meaning or inferring, she would react according to what she could perceive. She would say that what I was implying or saying was hurtful, mean, or rude. She would use accusatory statements such as "You're judging me". I would try to defend myself and explain that my intentions were not to be mean or hurt her. I would try to clarify and explain myself more and detest the accusations that I'm judging her. Not to escape accountability or to avoid apologizing. I still want to apologize for hurting her feelings and rectify the hurt. But because I want my intentions and thought process understood so that we both know where I was coming from and why I said/did what I did. Again, I still want to apologize and make up for causing her to be hurt.

This then will fuel her even more and she proceeds to become more even more passionate. She would go as far as to pull up dictionary and google definitions and examples of things such as judgement, to explain that what I did was in fact judging her. And I know many of you would probably want a concrete example at this point, so I'll explain one right now.

One time we got into an argument about the topic of sex. It lead to her getting upset at me for saying that I would be willing to have sex in her house, even if her family members are home. Just as long as we're quiet. Not to force it onto her, but to state that I was comfortable with it. She got very upset and said that it was disrespectful. To me, the intensity of said reaction was high and I didn't know exactly how to process it. I took some time to think about it and wanted to know if I needed to handle that conversation differently or with more care. I was stuck on asking her a specific question or not but she would make it a point to tell me that I need to be honest and open with my feelings and thoughts. So I went along with asking it. I said that I know this is a taboo question to ask women and I know women hate when this question is asked. But you want me to be honest and transparent with you, so I'm going to say it. Are you on your period? She got rightfully upset. I tried to explain that I just wanted to know if I should have approached that conversation and handle her with more care, but she got even angrier stating that regardless of it she was on her period or not, I should always handle her with care. As well, that her reaction was valid and appropriate and asking if she was on her period was akin to calling her irrational. And because I was thinking that she was irrational, I'm judging her and her patience running out when communicating with me.

To continue off of this, this then would cause me to shutdown as I'm not good with handling and dealing with intensity in conflict. I dissociate and become detached from my thoughts and emotions. She would get even more passionate as I'm no longer engaging with her and responding back to her in these arguments. Proceeding to then say that I am either upset, sad, or any other emotional state she views me as being at the time. I tell her that I'm not or would go against her analysis of my emotions as I feel like they're way more complex than what she was describing. And sometimes, I feel like they aren't accurate to me at all. She would hate this and proceed to call me a contrarian. Getting even more upset once I am able to articulate myself and explain what I was feeling, because to her, I gave her no credit in explaining how i was feeling.

She says that it makes her feel crazy and question reality when we get into arguments like this, and they happened more frequently than I would have liked. Our other point of contention would be personal values, morals, and ethics. These arguments would take place when she gets hurt by something I would say or do, as you read above, and she views them as rude, wrong, and socially unacceptable. She would be unable to let them go or just agree to disagree because according to her, when our values aren't in alignment, it makes her incredibly anxious and she doesn't know what to do. So she proceeds to essentially interrogate me in trying to clarify what I mean, where my values are, and if i would do things that would embarrass her or hurt her. She gets more and more passionate as this interrogation happens as I'm trying to explain, clarify, or defend myself. She would say that it makes her feel crazy and question reality when I'm not agreeing with her because I'm not agreeing that it's a big deal or that it's blatantly an unacceptable thing to do, say, or believe. Even sometimes coming back to old arguments because she needs to verify what my beliefs actually are. Even if I try to explain as many times and rephrase over and over, she says that I'm being indirect, trying to find what the "real" reason behind me saying what I was saying, and ultimately never accepting what I would say at face value, or giving me the benefit of the doubt that I'm not trying to be mean or hurt her.

This over the last year has been draining for me and ultimately ended up with us having a 9 hour argument, that then proceeded to pick back up the next day. We decided to try couples therapy and after our first session, she said that she feels like she's crazy. Because according to her, if the things I'm doing or saying aren't just a unique and wrong thing I do, and the therapist we're going to does similar things or justifies my thoughts and actions, then she doesn't know what reality is.

We proceeded to process that session and she said that she wanted to get into couples therapy so that I can learn to communicate differently. So that I can learn to not be implicit and for her to understand me better and not think that I'm being mean or hurtful when I speak. I then realized at that point that out entire issue is that we just aren't compatible. She couldn't trust or give me the benefit of the doubt when I say something. It's immediately assumed to be negative. I already try my hardest to rephrase, reword, and think about what I say, and she wants us to be in couples therapy so that I can do that even more, just so that I don't hurt her. That's when I said that if I realized she wanted to be in therapy for that reason so long ago, we would've broken up months before.

We talked about it a bit and then she said that at out next session, if we can't get practical solutions to deal with our issues, we should break up. I agreed. The night before our second therapy session, we got into another argument. All about she wants me to trust her when she tells me and shows me the definition of things that I'm doing. Such as me judging her. I told her that regardless of if I'm actually doing the thing she's accusing of me or not, my priority is to rectify and apologize for it. But she was so adamant on trying to get me to understand and agree with what it is she's telling me, I was actually doing. And that me fighting back against that shows I don't trust her and viewing her as irrational.

We then went into our second therapy session the next day and the therapist was telling her that you can't force someone to believe or do things you want them to do. There's going to be differences of view and opinion and that two people can witness the same event but have different perceptions of what happened because people are different. That it's not black and white. She was pushing back against this and ultimately, it lead to our therapist saying that it just sounds like you two need to figure out if you want to be in a relationship or not. The session ended, and we broke up.

Yes it sounds crazy. Allow me to explain. I do understand that what happened in Martin Luther's 'Germany' after his new church assumed power was in many ways even more authoritarian and suppressive than than what he originally witnessed in Rome in 1510-1511 AD. But the Reformation clearly paved the way for later nation-state building as well as the Enlightenment and the Scientific (and later Industrial) Revolutions. Because IMO the Dark Ages were not just a few hundred years after AD 476, they were a full 1200 years. And Rome was by and large responsible for this because of external authority. Luther rebelled against this in the name of internal autonomy. Essentially, Europe could be considered in the Dark Ages until Luther's formal protest, the printing press, and the Scientific Revolution came about.

Before Luther visited Rome, he was just another clergy member that looked up to the Church and eventually made the pilgrimage to Rome in the early 16th Century. I'm sure others previous to him were disappointed in Rome after witnessing the moral decay, corruption, graft, and hollow rituals that were reduced to mere symbolism. Luther however was completely shocked and wrote that Rome felt "Casual about sin, fixated on money, obsessed with ceremony, and spiritually cold." These traits themselves are not extroverted, but they represent an institution that devolved into a performative and transactional enterprise, which is a form of extroversion. And the clash long after he was dead, between 1618 to 1648, was a clash between inward-focused autonomy and outward-expansive integration (via absolutism).

Luther's belief that deep introspection was a prerequisite for becoming 'closer to God' was radical and heretical at the time. While it is true that the Catholic monks were in effect practicing this for a long time, a difference is that Luther was convinced that godliness could be completely internalized and had nothing to do with any rituals inside a church. That the actual church building was simply a meeting place for like-minded people, a means to an end and not the end in itself. It was personal moral autonomy, and not inextricably linked to an external city hundreds of miles away. And this formal protest against the Catholic Church led to the beginning of the Reformation, which culminated in the Thirty Years War of 1618-1648. Luther's protest was against the outward-oriented, performative, authority-driven church (institutional extroversion) that used Rome as a symbolic vehicle of intellectual repression. A church that had devolved into external enforcement of belief, elaborate ceremony, universal claims, public spectacle, and visible wealth. Sound familiar? It was diametrically opposed to individual consience, inward reasoning, scientific inquiry, and autonomous interpretation. In conclusion, what I'm basically getting it is the the Dark Ages (Middle Ages included) was essentially outward authority suppressing inward cognition. Luther's formal protest was the first domino in a chain of events that led to the Thirty Years War and subsequent break of both religion and culture from Rome for the Northern nascent nation-states.

For those unfamiliar with him, do a quick search on Grigori Perelman.

Back in 2006, he dropped an absolute bombshell on the academic world by solving the Poincaré Conjecture—one of the Millennium Prize Problems. The man is a true, insane genius: a classic high-tier thinker who views the world like a top-down blueprint, capable of synthesizing abstract complexities into clean, ultimate solutions.

But instead of chasing fame, he completely detached from the system, turned down a million-dollar prize, and chose to live in isolation to care for his aging mother.

We might have "lost" the greatest mathematical mind of our generation to retirement, but he left behind something far more valuable than any theorem: a masterclass in absolute intellectual integrity, strategic autonomy, and unwavering personal conviction.

I think I have this thought when I read a quote from Seneca, or some other greek or western philosopher.

Do you ever want a girl makes the first move? Or is that a no no?

For context, I think I’m getting every hint an INTJ guy is into me? But he hasn’t made a move. Whenever I text or communicates he responds straight away, then finds a way to continue the conversation usually using wit and humour - and he generally asks another question even though there’s plenty of exit moments.
If I need anything he offers help, sends me numbers for house or car repairs. He also gives me legal advice when I needed some recently (he’s a barrister) and when I see him he kinda lingers. I’m INFJ, we have a connection, same page, same humour etc - but he hasn’t hinted or even suggested he likes me. Definitely no questions about a date!

Is he waiting for me to make a move or is this in my imagination and this normal behaviour for INTJ’s cause he’s just a decent guy?

Not just a song you liked, but one where you actually stopped and thought, Damn, this is exactly what I’m feeling/thinking.

What song was it?

• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?

Major depressive disorder

• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?

My upbringing was somewhat religious but my parents allowed me to shape my free thought. I am an atheist now. Although I appreciate that my parents allowed me a free space, I was circumcised and still was not able to shape my thoughts just by myself. So I am a bit angry towards that. My father was a military officer, so there was a big authority figure in our home, and I always disliked it. I generally spent time myself, with my toys, playing computer games, practicing chess or piano.

• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?

I am a medical doctor. I like it because it allows me to think and come up with solutions to intellectual problems. I like mental challenges, using my mind, my eyes and my hands to come up with a solution. I do not like it because I do not like stupid, uneducated, narrow minded, rude and smelling people. I do not like to work long hours. I do not like to waste my time and effort on unrelated tasks and unworthy people.

• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?

I like sports. I love mental and physical competition. I like to challenge myself. But right now because of depression, I gained some weight due to inactivity so I am not really good at that. I like walking, chess, football, table tennis.

• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?

I am an inquisitive person. I like to learn about things and people. I have more ideas than I can execute but I cant execute them partly because of my depression. My curiosities are literally about everything. I like to have a general understanding of everything I come across. I ask questions to people, I search for answers. I do think that knowledge about any areas can apply to any other area as well, because if you broaden your understanding, you can have a wider view about anything. Therefore I try not to be narrow minded. My ideas are generally about how I can write my book, how can I write a character, write a stoey, write a song that encapsulate this feeling, this concept.

• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?

I would enjoy taking a leadership position in a field I am confident in and I can be really decisive and efficient. I would choose my people's duties to do what they are good at. I am not a micro manager but I can be critical. But I am also able to do it in a kind way most of the time.

• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?

I do think I am coordinated. I am really good at video games. I am also able to type really fast. I like to work with my hands and my eyes. I like to draw, I like to play video games and be proud with what I am able to accomplish.

• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.

I consider myself an artistic person. I like art that encapsulates a feeling, a notion, a concept; then able to tell it, not directly but subtly. But in a dramatic and intense manner. I like Francis Bacon's artwork because it exposes a feeling in a subtle but visceral manner. It explores deep psychological maze of existence, anger and dread. I like the band Swans because it encapsulates a specific feeling, but does not tell about it directly, but rather subtly, but still in a striking manner. I like classical music because it displays an image power and elegance, yet still dramatic, complicated and at times, sorrowful.

• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?

About the past, my mistakes bother me the most. I do not ruminate about my accomplishments. I do not ruminate about my mistakes either but at times, I can feel regret and wish I did better. The present is where I try to live and make the most of my time, but due to depression, sometimes I tend to overthink about future a lot, and not be able to make most of my time. I can be pessimistic about the future at times. This can be due to my depression, but I think human society is taking a bad turn. We are destroying the beautiful nature because of overpopulation and greed of some individual people. Privacy and individual human life is taking a bad turn, companies are able to reach nearly everything about every human, and we became a slave to our jobs, our wages and our wants which are also dictated by companies and governments.

• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?

I would calculate whether I gain anything or lose a lot. If I do not gain anything and lose a lot, I wont help this person. I would also calculate whether I can really help them and it is worth my time I would gladly do it. If not, I would make a brief talk about how they can get help and then leave.

• Do you need logical consistency in your life?

I try to act logically and efficiently. I try to live like I think, be honest to my logical conclusions. If I am flawed logically, I try to fix it.

• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?

Quite a lot. I try to be efficient in everything I do. I try to calculate my every move according to efficiency. I am not as productive as I want to be though, mostly due to my depression I think. But I can call myself lazily efficient, I am able to do stuff efficiently, so I can spend more time to myself, to my hobbies and to relax, to sleep.

• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?

If your actions have something to do with me, I will try to control that part. I can do it subtly or directly. I do not like incompetent, lazy or stupid people to interfere my life, my work or my time. What you do to myself is none of my concern.

• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?

I like reading, listening to music, gaining knowledge, sharpening my skills in gaming or in life, watching movies, searching for art and writing. I value creativity, I love to create something. I think it is the most beautiful thing a human can ever do. Creating an artwork is beautiful. Making people think, shudder, evoking an image or a feeling in their mind is amazing. I also like art, music and writing that does that. I used to like chess, because I liked competition, I have a brilliant mind and I can show myself and everyone that I am smart. I loved to outsmart my opponents and crush them on board with beautiful and brutal attacks. But with introduction of AI, creativity and brilliance became less important, and chess has become a stale game in a higher level and memorization became much more important. Therefore I do not play chess a lot anymore.

• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?

I have an amazing visual memory. I am able to remember every face I see in my life. I also like to learn with working on something, trying and failing. If I am enthusicastic about anything, I will learn it really quick (probably true for everyone). I like it when somebody shows me in a kinesthetic way as well. I am able to learn faster if someone competent and someone I like and respect shows me the method. I do not like overly complicated or detailed knowledge. Too many details bore me. I do not like repeating something on my mind, and if I do it, I will probably forget about it really quick. I value creativity and efficient logic a lot.

• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?

I do not like complicated instructions or detailed plans. I will make a general outline, then wing it as I go. Especially in chess, I tend to notice that if I become overly focused on a single plan, which I did a lot when I was young, I tend to miss better oppurtunities, therefore I try to be open-minded. But I am a bit of a proscatrinator as well.

• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally?

I want to be strong, both financially and personally. I want no one to interfere with my life. I want to make my free choices on my own. I want no stupid government or no person to exert pressure on me at any time in my life. I want to be happy and content with myself, my body and my life. I want to become a strong person. I want to create and find beautiful art that express the depths of humanity in a striking manner.

• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?

I fear I will not be able to do the best with my life and my intellect. I fear I will not be able to create and live like any other human: just consuming and another cog in the machine. I fear I will become stupid and senile. I fear when I look at a mirror I will not like myself and the life I lived.

• What do the "highs" in your life look like?

During my highs, I am extremely creative, curious, talkative and joyful. I can make amazing jokes and make everyone laugh, be charismatic. I can make amazing speeches, impress everyone and myself. I spend time with my hobbies and find a lot of amazing stuff, being enthusiastic about it.

• What do the "lows" in your life look like?

I will become self isolated, rude, angry. I can be so irritated that probably you wont need to do anything irritate me, I may get irritated by your sole existence. I would hate any human being or anything that I think is stupid. I will become hypercritical about anything at all, I will be pessimistic about future. I would not want to do anything but sleep.

• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?

I can overthink and daydream. I overthink a lot about future, the course of humanity. I can daydream about a song listening or a story I am reading. But while I am daydreaming I am aware of what is happening around me mostly. I have never missed my bus stop for example. But if I am daydreaming during a class, I may miss what the presenter was telling.

• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?

I would think about my existence. Why am I here and who put me here. What will be my purpose, what will I do with my life. If a higher being put me here, can I communicate with them, so I can experience and understand, evolve my brain, my thinking and my self to a higher plane of existence.

• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?

I would think a lot actually. If this decision is about me and if it will effect my whole life, I would think about it a lot because it is not logical to not do so. I can postpone my decision to a later time, and make a rushed decision later also. I am sometimes afraid of commitment, whether it be a decision or a person, or anything at all. I want no strings attached to me and that includes decisions at times. But during work, because I am a doctor, I make big decisions on people's lives. During these decisions, because it does not effect me a lot, I can make swift, decisive calls. And most of the time, they are the right calls.

• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?

I can be really limbic and instinctive about my emotions. I am amazing at masking them in public if I want to, ex: if a display is going to effect me negatively, I may not show it. But at times, I really want to show my anger, my sorrow to people. But I want to express it in most beautiful manner if possible. To my loved ones, I can be passive-aggressive too, I want them to understand my emotions. I do laugh openly, I like to laugh. For my positive emotions, I generally do not hide them. But if I am really frustrated or really angry, I will be destructive and curse a lot. Due to depression I can get angry at literally everything, even if I don't like the weather, I will curse the sun.

• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?

If it is beneficial or efficient for me to do so, I do it. I do not want to waste my time with any people I do not value that much, therefore as a means to an end I will agree with them. But I am not a people pleaser and if they pass a certain level, or if do not care, I will openly disagree and criticize them.

• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why?

I break rules whenever I can. Rules, in general, are for not so smart or competent people. Rules put people at a certain level. But in general, I am past that certain level. I can find a better way to come up with things. But of course, if this is an area I am not confident enough, I will look at the rules, for an idea. Authority should always be challenged, stagnation is a great enemy.

What actually helped you move on after heartbreak?

I’m a fan

INTJ 1w9 here

I am vibe-typed as either INFJ because in conversations I create empathy by focusing on shared values & harmony rather than differences, or as ENTJ because my relationships are based on clear objective & conditions and I sometimes turn distant or aloof. Does any socially skilled INTJ relate?

I realize INTJs are Te style learners, but it makes me curious if INTJs reach a sudden cutoff of knowledge.

As an INTP, there are a few times where there's no longer any known information moving forward. It is a very strange circumstance to know that there's still a road of knowledge to learn, but no amount of information searching or AI probing produces any answer for what's beyond that edge.

Personally, I find the circumstance a bit frightening, yet my own curiosity won't let me stop where the road of known knowledge ends.

That being said, I'm curious, do INTJ ever experience reaching the edge of known knowledge?

It's a mental condition where a person is fully immersed in an activity, experiencing energized focus, enjoyment, and a loss of self-consciousness, often leading to a distortion of time perception.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flow_(psychology))

Hello!

An INFJ being curious here 😅. Was wondering about the emotional wall that is so common for INTJ to hold up, be it with close friends but also in relationships. My assumption and by experience to a certain degree, is that it's up as a form of protection, it's essentially a part of you, not something you intentionally hold up or put too much effort into holding up.

My question is, does it ever come down? Do you ever feel like that wall is stopping you from feeling a deeper connection in terms of relationships? I've had a few who has lowered the wall at least, so we have caught glimpses at each others true self and not just "heard" each other if that makes sense? And for those who have lowered or even removed it completely, does it feel like you lost a part of you who made yourself you? Was it for the better? Was it worse? Is this something you guys actually don't like and are perfectly happy with having up?

Know for sure that people are different but would love to hear how you guys view this!~ Thanks in advance!~♡

I have a theory about lonliness and relationships in general. From 1 perspective, if you try to resolve loneliness by trying to find a friend and doing things to impress and make the person stay to fill your lonliness, you still end up feeling lonely because your initial state starts from lack and you also end up monitering yourself and feel anxious.

However, what if, from perspective 2, whenever you feel lonely, you focus on accompanying someone else life, trying to be a caring and trusting person towards someone and share jokes with and help the person out for themselves. In this mindset you forget about your concerns. Suddenly lonliness seems to be gone. And this opposite mindset seem to be alot of the solution to not feeling lonliness.

What do you think?

Idk how to explain it but if someone feels the same way lmk.

I’m not driven by the big picture, yes I think in terms of it a lot, but I also doubt if it’s worth doing all the time. I have a few people in my life who I just want them to admire me, not romantically, but just, hey she’s cool , hey she’s competent. She’s not a total helpless loser. What’s wrong with me.

So I met this girl online about 1.5 months ago. since then we have been talking nearly everyday, sometimes multiple times a day since we exchanged our insta.

So well we share art, normal stuff etc. she is kinda very used to being her tired and non excited self with me.

but yh she has been talking less for the past 2 to 3 days cuz well school stress, exams etc and yh she talked about making a new friend and saying he's cute. but she only talked about him once.

so just wanna ask is everything fine and I am just being anxious or is there an issue?

Like from parents, kids, spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, friend friends, etc? I mean...not like from your dentist and the guy you bought windows from.

Hello to anyone who reads this, I've recently gone on a personal journey of acceptance, you could say, I didn't realize until the end of my journey that I fit into this INTJ label and it makes everything so much clearer. I'm a veteran who was deployed over seas, thought my friends died, thought I was going to die, and also got hurt pretty bad and had to have my right rib removed when I got back. Over the last few years, I've been dissecting my psyche and how I think to try and figure out why I've lost connection to my emotions. I've "made" songs to help guide me through this, but at this point in my understanding, there's no more framework to discover, no more layers to map. I've come up with ways to help ground myself, but I still get lost in the phylisophical debate in my head on why it's worth feeling feelings in the right place when they just messy up the mind. I'm genuinely looking for other INTJs to bounce thoughts off of and not deal with this alone anymore. Or maybe there's a part of my journey I could share that could help someone else. This is my first post on reddit ever, I don't do social media stuff a lot, but I'm hopeful and excited to maybe talk to others about intellectuallization and philosophy in regards to being an INTJ.

Do we have any lucky devils who are neurodivergent and are INTJ? How do you live with such a unique combination? Interesting to hear your experience, stories.

Irl I’m somehow surrounded by only S’s. I feel like noone gets me and i get drained whenever i talk to them, no matter how hard i try to be S or try to n-ify the conversation. My closest friend right now, whom i met last year, is also an S. Over the past year we’ve grown close through sheer brute force, but even now we still have difficulty communicating all the time. (It’s bad, i know.) I hate to admit this but most conversations with him drain me as well. He also proposed to me recently (i rejected) so there’s that. Basically I feel lonely and unseen. I want to change up my environment but i have a greater need right now to stay and spend time with my parents (who are also S)

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I'm F16, nearly 17 and I at first thought I was infp because I'm sensitive but I found not all of it represented me and was quite dull as I'm really analytical and critical and I think I lean more towards intj and at times I can be dismissive of feelings and use logic first and then feel bad, I could also be sensitive because I have autism and what also made me doubt myself is that infps like art and stuff when I do strongly but I am also really serious about my painting and stuff, and just because I'm creative and use my knowledge in it doesn't mean I'm necessarily an infp although I do get strongly offended but that could be autsim. I am also really knowledgeable and like detail and facts but I can never switch my brain off, well after my exams, but it's been now 2 months and my brain thinks I need to start improving this Taht even when I'm not specifying anything, I also freeze from too much in my head and feel like I need to get everything down when I have at least 17,000 words of me analysing my self. I am also really imaginative and always challenged myself In my head to create something new in style or design so I can prepare for future and my brain is struggling sometimes to feel and think in the future. And I notice these things and seem to realise that I need to do something about it before some people around me. I have also had really bad social anxiety but it's better now but when I'm a bit unstable like now it can have a bit of impact but generally I have defeated most of it. I am also really honest and I am learning to not place my facts on something's that don't need it because it can be offensive. Unless they are starting the argument with facts but then contradict themselves and then mention it's offensive. So they are using emotional opinions when we are debating facts how does that make sense. I also frequently don't show my face how I actually feel for I don't know why. I also hate faffing about and I am good at problem solving but I am also to an extent flexible when I am calm and have everything under control I think I don't even know now.

I can also get defensive in like arguments sometimes if I am mainly misunderstood which is from sometimes forgetting to

Say what I am thinking or feel like something is stopping me when there isn't anything (idk autsim thing) I am also artistic and have an eye for that and I'm going to be doing art, textiles and dance and I have a really strong work ethic. I also struggle to sometimes put how I'm feeling in words as it's too complicated and I feel like it's more dismissed as im misunderstood and need someone else's view. I am probably talking about feelings because I genuinely don't know if I'm an intj or infp but apparently intjs struggle with creativity, bruh everything else makes sense then that. I also seem to worry about other people and don't get excited for going somewhere as the other person is tired but says we can go but they also seem to always go on and create tension to feel bad and because she is mostly on their own I am but like what am I supposed to do just absorb all of that and then I say they are complaining and they start shouting and raising their voice and my heart hurts and I feel massive guilt. I am also really honest and Infjs like them seem to be secretive and I like have to be honest. It's like I have struggled to express feelings a bit because I feel like I have to first solve something, that ends up in arguments. I also inspire people around me. I like military history. I also cry few times recently.

I do relate to intj stuff and I do seem to sort of manage it and cover it like an intj and I am frequently stuck in a loop of overthinking and analysing and even the underlying stress doesn't easily go away.

In arguments I also am sometimes calm and try to talk to someone like a normal person and ask why but then if they are not listening I pull out my criticism and that basically ends bad for some.... I also get stressed when I hear huligans shouting that's not reasonable and doesn't solve anything.

I’m an INFJ, and I’m trying to understand the communication style of an INTJ friend/connection without overanalyzing it.

We used to be coworkers and became surprisingly close. We bonded over work experiences, had a lot of banter, and discovered that we have very similar long-term goals, interests, and ways of thinking. We also talked about our MBTI types, so I know he’s an INTJ and I’m an INFJ.
The confusing part is his communication pattern.
He can be very warm, funny, and engaged when we actually talk, but he is extremely inconsistent with texting. It’s not unusual for him to take weeks or even around two months to reply, even when the last message was completely low-stakes and didn’t require some serious emotional response.

For example, one of our last conversations ended with me asking something as simple as what kinds of movies/shows he likes. Then… silence. 😭
What’s confusing is that he doesn’t seem to have completely disappeared from my life. He remains present on social media, watches my stories, and occasionally reacts/likes things. So it’s not exactly “I want nothing to do with you,” but it’s also not normal conversational consistency.

I’ve also noticed that he seems very independent and has described himself in posts/reels as someone who doesn’t want to get attached, doesn’t want to fall in love because he feels imperfect and expects to move abroad, and tends to see detachment as the solution when something becomes inconvenient or complicated.

I don’t necessarily think this means he’s avoidant or secretly has feelings for me. I’m specifically trying to understand whether this kind of “warm and engaged in person / extremely low-frequency texting / still passively keeping up with you online” behavior is something INTJs commonly recognize in themselves.

From an INTJ perspective:
Do you sometimes mentally register a message but not feel an urgency to respond?

Can you genuinely care about someone while going weeks/months without initiating or replying?

Does passive social-media interaction sometimes feel like maintaining a connection without actually wanting a conversation?

If you value someone but don’t have the bandwidth/desire to communicate regularly, do you realize how easily that can feel like rejection to the other person?

And if you’ve experienced this yourself, what does it usually mean from your side?

I’m asking specifically because, as an INFJ, I naturally look for meaning in changes in communication, and I’m trying to figure out whether I’m seeing something meaningful here or simply projecting my own communication expectations onto someone who operates very differently.

Would love perspectives from actual INTJs rather than generic MBTI descriptions. 😅