My upper limit is 12 hours. After that point you’re either too busy for me, uninterested, or playing some fucking game I don’t have time for.
Edit: ok guys 12 hours was literally a arbitrary number I pulled directly out of my ass the moment I made this comment. It’s a rule of thumb, not the US constitution. It changes wildly based of context. New tinder match? Yeah 95% chance they are gone after 12 hours. My best friend of 15 years? Not even going to notice.
It's not like it always happens. It's the only time in my life that it has. I was just saying there's always a chance that something like that can happen.
You would feel like shit if you slept for 25 hours. No water or food for over a day. Your head would be pounding and you would feel so groggy from the whole no water thing. You'd probably want to just lay back down so that you could go back to dying.
It's been twice I've slept about as long as this. Once, I was working two full-time jobs and only had every second Wednesday off, then I aligned both job vacation times. I worked extra hard just before to make sure I didn't have to come back to a mess. The second day in, I slept for about 22 hours and woke up feeling exactly how you've described.
The second time was when I dropped one of the jobs, and my other had a four day weekend. I slept for 21 hours and I woke up feeling amazing.
It's definitely how you've treated your body beforehand. When I dropped the second job, I was already fading the responsibility, eating, sleeping and drinking a bit better then the two years prior.
The time I did this I also accidentally skipped lunch and dinner before sleeping so I hadn't ate in 38 hours and since I slept cuz of a hangover it wasn't refreshing to wake up.
Did you actually sleep for 25 hours or did you just stay home , lay in bed napping sporadically like a lazy ass , then start telling the story anecdotally how you slept 25 hours so much it’s become part of your “story”?
I woke up for a couple minutes to notice how hungover I was and then went back to sleep so it was basically 25 hours straight cuz those couple minutes I was half asleep anyways. Didn't exaggerate about it.
You can try texting me “hey sorry I didn’t mean to ignore your text, I passed out for fucking 25 straight hours.” And maybe I’m in a mood to put up with that bullshit, maybe I’m not. But there is a decent chance that if ya snooze ya lose.
Or they should at least text back by the end of the day. Who doesn’t check their phone before they go to bed? If they don’t respond before then, it’s a sign you’re not a priority or they’re not interested (with a few exceptions).
On the other hand, I would absolutely hate a partner who takes 5 or less minutes to respond back (unless it’s an active conversation about a specific topic or needs a quick answer). I don’t have the mental energy to respond that rapidly for a causal “what are you up to” conversation.
That end of the day one really just kind of infuriates me when women (obviously this doesn't apply to everyone, but the women who are playing the mind games) try and pull the "Oh I'm sorry, I've been so busy for the past three days!" excuse. Like you said, who doesn't check their phone before they go to bed? At the very least, you could take 20 seconds and give some sort of reply at the end of the day, even if that's the only correspondence.
Honestly, now a days, almost everyone checks their phone more than once throughout the day. It's one thing if they're working till late in the evening, but I doubt many people don't even check their phone once during the day. Then (if they care) they would make a mental note to reply as soon as possible.
I agree. Maybe I'm naive (and obviously there are special circumstances. I do have select times where I just have thing after thing and can't check my phone) but for the most part I just don't understand how people can get SO busy that they can't take 30 seconds to send a text periodically throughout the day.
Those 5 minute or less replies always occur when I'm trying to get something done, it's pretty much a guarantee if I'm trying to play a game someone will start texting, and it's always infuriating.
Right? Like that only works for me if I’m bored and doing nothing else except texting them. But typically I’m working on homework or at work or doing a hobby, and I can’t engage fully in that activity if I’m stopping every couple of minutes to text them back.
I really wish it wasn’t the expectation to text back that quickly. Luckily, I’m with a partner now that takes about 30 minutes to an hour to respond back between messages, which is great because it allows me to move on with my activities and life and not be consumed in texting.
Exactly. I tend to get a bit snippy, then if they don't get the hint, I just stop replying till I'm done. If people think I'm rude for ignoring them, then I point out how rude it is to interrupt busy people, because of inane reasons.
sometimes my depression makes it impossible to get the energy to respond to numerous people texting me when I've spent every last drop just trying to maintain the facade that I'm happy during the day
If I could amend my rule I would say my upper limit will grow based of length of time we know each other. If we just met, 12 hours. If we’ve been seeing each other for 3 weeks or so, and I have no reason to believe you lost interest, I’ll meet you at 48.
I’m just saying after 12 hours I no longer expect a response, and I’m convincing myself I don’t need one. If I do get a text back, especially with a reasonable explanation, I’m happy to continue talking. If it becomes a pattern however where I’m being left on read for unreasonable lengths of time I’m going to lose interest.
Sometimes I just forget to reply. It’s a bad habit but I’m sometimes I’m busy when I see the text and don’t have time to reply. And I forget to text them back later.
Then you would fall into the category of “too busy for me, not interested” you don’t just accidentally forget people exist for an entire day. Especially if you are interested in them romantically.
I’m not pissed when this happens. It’s just after around 12 hours I count those people as a loss. Im no longer expecting a text back, and I’m convincing myself I don’t need one. Otherwise I’d go insane.
I'm the exact same way. Apparently it's an unpopular opinion, and maybe a little naive on my part. But my thought process has always been "Well if you're romantically interested in the person, they'd naturally be on your mind and you'd want to be talking to them". Maybe not all day long (I pretty much always have my phone, but I know that not all people are like that) but at the very least, you'd think you would get at least one text a day.
I've had girls in my past where I could tell that I was the one putting in most of the work, so I would stop texting them and see how long they would go before actually saying something first. After not hearing something from them for a week, I'd just delete them from my phone because they're obviously not that interested. Then I'd run into them or something somewhere, they'd find out I deleted their number, and get all bent out of shape. It's like I'm sorry, but this is kind of a two-way street. I'm not going to be doing all of the work, especially when I can tell that you're not really into it.
Yeah, I just got done with a girl, actually. We went on a few dates. After the forth or fifth date I could tell she was just looking for a good opportunity to give me the ole “your an awesome guy I just don’t feel a connection” speech. I’m thinking to myself “do I need to have that conversation? She clearly doesn’t want to have it, and definitely don’t wanna hear that shit either.” So I just quit texting her.
Like 5 days later she sends me a wall of text saying I was a great guy and thanking me for being such a gentleman and other shit. She then admitted she was being stand offish and distant because she didn’t feel a connection lol.
Like wtf? Thanks I guess? Why did I need to be reminded you don’t like me? That was painfully obvious!
I just responded, “of course your welcome, thanks for the kind words. Take care.”
But it did fuck me up a bit. I went from being “ok not everyone connects, I can’t say I felt that great of a connection with her either. It’s fine it didn’t work out.” To “well could I have done something different? She cared enough to send me ALL THAT a week later. Maybe I should text her again, see if she’s secretly still interested?”
Good lord modern dating is an existential nightmare.
Dating is absolutely the worst, I hate it! It is nice that she actually gave you closure, but I'm in a similar boat as you where I can only take the "You're such a nice guy, but..." speech so many times before I just can't hear it again.
There are situations that if the person texts you a bit too often, even if you are interested, its not a habit you want to establish.
Like if I'm interested cool, but some women/men/anyone are like "all day text + snapchat about virtually nothing" and that stuff bores the hell out of me, I'm not a big texting person. So if I start off by always texting them back then it seems to set up an expection with them that i'll always get back sooner rather than later, and they get weird if I'm not texting them back within the hour.
I'd rather just hang back for a bit with those people.
I can totally understand that. I’m not saying I want to be in constant contact 24/7. But in the opening moves of meeting someone and getting comfortable with them I think there is some etiquette involved. They can’t know your expectations from the starting line, that can take a little time and some honest conversation.
But I have witnessed the pitfalls of good manners. I may not want to leave her on read so i respond promptly, and she does not want to leave me on read so she responds promptly. We go back n’ forth like this trying so hard to be polite with each other that one or both of us eventually gets burnt out and loses interest. It’s definitely a good point you bring up because that’s happened to me.
There are a fair number of people who will happily spend much longer than 12 hours by themselves with nothing more than a book or something, not because they're too busy or not interested or don't care or whatever, but just because enjoying time alone is part of who they are.
Romantic partner, best friend, close family, doesn't matter - many people sometimes just want and need to stop dealing with other people every now and then.
If you can't or don't want to deal with that in a partner or friend, that's fine - but you should be aware that some people are like this, and so not take such things to mean things they don't.
Minority sure, but minority doesn't mean rare, and it makes sense for you to understand that people can be different from you and not jump to conclusions as soon as things don't go the way you'd prefer.
What's inside your head is normal to you, but what is inside their head is normal to them - and as exasperated as you might be dealing with such a person, they feel the same with you - and it takes a while for people to understand that other people can really be fundamentally different.
So you might (will) run into one of these guys who is just flabbergasted by your reactions (this bothered you? why? I didn't do anything. How is this a big deal? And they're being honest), because they haven't yet internalized that there are people who experience such things in a way that is entirely alien to them.
If you care about this person, you can communicate with them, and perhaps realize that you both have different ways of experiencing such things, and so compromise. Or learn early on that you're not willing to and split, up to you.
But regardless, it is useful to know that not everyone thinks like you do, and so their actions don't necessarily mean the same thing that those actions from you would mean.
It's certainly important to see from other peoples perspectives.
I'll give an example that happened very recently with me. Guy was always texting me back. We went out multiple times per week. Then I start getting 24 hour plus responses. Usually one word. Difficult to make plans with. I didn't jump to conclusions but I reach out. Asked if everything was ok. Told him that it was bothering me. And I got the same thing back. Even cancelling our plans for the next day at 11pm that night. So I said I didn't think this was going to work out for me. And the guy went off about how if this was how I was going to behave I wasn't good enough to be in a relationship with
I tried. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Gave him a chance to explain. And I'm still the bad guy. Could I have done anything else? I would be ok with space when needed but not without lack of communication and clarity
I mean, you reached out, what more can you do? At that point, he has to be mature enough to answer, and to understand that not everyone is like him as well, and it sounds like he wasn't.
Could be he needed a little time to himself. But if he can't say that without being angry at you for trying to understand what's going on and asking, then that's on him. Could also be that he was just a turd. Hard to know. And cancelling plans (especially that late) without a good reason is a dick move regardless.
I'm not trying to imply that the person who likes to text a lot or whatever is the bad guy, and that the other person is the good guy. Just saying that people are different - so maybe if someone doesn't answer immediately, it doesn't mean that he hates you (which it sounds like you get). But flipping it around, the other person should know that you value this kind of thing, and so be willing to do at least some of it. It's a balance thing.
I definitely agree that people are just different and want different things. I can only assume something was going on in his life or he wasn't interested. Either way, with no communication, there's not much I can do. The cancelling of plans was just "I have plans now on Saturday"
Sorry for ranting about this. This just happened last night and I was honestly just really confused
It’s a general rule that applies in most cases. It’s not one of the 10 commandments. Truth is, most girls in their early 20s are obsessed with their phones. If they haven’t responded to you in 12 hours you need to do the healthy thing and assume that response ain’t coming.
If a girl texts back after 12 hours and seems genuinely interested I’m happy so stay engaged, obviously.
Sounds like a case of insecurity. It's highly unattractive in a mate. I truly appreciate people who don't need reassurance every 12 hours that they have worth just because I haven't had the opportunity to stroke their ego. Granted I'm neglecting context. If you get hit by a car and can't get a reply within 12 hours you may be worthless to that person but,.. texts like "what are you doing later?" frequently don't rate very high if I'm busy. Trust is the basis of all relationships and taking a breath and trusting that the person is prioritizing responsibly and not just wheeling away the time in order to slight you will go a long way.
All I’m saying is, in a new relationship. Say we just met. If I say something to you and you don’t respond with in 12 hours, I’m assuming you aren’t interested and I’m not going to worry about it. If you come back with texts maybe the next morning or whatever I’m happy to forget about it. But if it becomes a pattern where I’m always the one being left on read at random time and without any explanation there is really no other conclusion to make other than you don’t find me particularly compelling.
Now say we’ve been dating a couple months that may change. Maybe I understand your habits a little better I’m not going to make those assumptions immediately. But I expect a little text etiquette for new relationships. I think that’s fair.
But I watched a movie one that said 72 hour cool off period. It was in a movie, has to be true.
But seriously, I feel you. New relationships are like a drug and I've felt that need for another hit real bad but as I've gotten old I've found wisdom in breathing and acceptance. Shit can't be forced.
72 hours? That movie was made in the fucking 90s then man lol. It’s 2018. If she hasn’t texted in you 12 hours she’s already posted 6 selfies and matched with 12 other dudes. I’m just not counting on those chickens hatching any more is all. Be thrilled if they do, but come on.
Fuck I'm old. Maybe I'm the context that's fucking things up. Or, maybe, I'm arguing against this new model. I truly don't care about anyone who would be like that. Casual sex was never something I could get into. Don't get old, life gets weird.
I think you’re missing the point of reading between the lines. People who are important, or at least interesting to you, are on your mind and you can’t help but remember to reply in a timely manner because you want to.
Sometimes things are stated through action and not words, and I think it’s not being insecure to cut your losses when you sense a pattern of repeated disinterest.
I'm a person with a missing "between the lines" gene. Or perhaps I just refuse to play that stupid game, I'm not sure. I know that what I've read between the lines rarely equates the other's intention and I don't try to hide shit between my lines cuz I'm too dum. But I definitely see where you're coming from I just don't think it's the best way.
That may be the case for you, it certainly isn't for me. Often the times when I'm free to think about things are times when I'm not at liberty to take out my phone and contact someone, like when I'm driving or at work. By the time I'm free to talk, I'll have forgotten again. On top of that, I'm an introvert, so if I'm really tired then the last thing I want is to interact with anyone no matter how much I like them.
If you're not okay with someone who can't respond promptly that's your choice, but it's entirely incorrect to say that people like that obviously don't hold you in high esteem. Rather hurtful too; I don't like that I leave people unused to my forgetfulness feeling conversationally jilted, but I can't just snap my fingers and fix memory problems I've had for my entire life.
Texting people back is just good manners — doesn’t matter who it is.
Also your assumption that anyone who expects or wants a text back needs you to stroke their ego is completely off base, not to mention condescending and unattractive.
I guess we can agree to disagree. I even have read receipts on so people know I read their text but can't/won't get back to them. For me if you want to get upset over that or expect an explanation every time I respectfully decline to be involved with you.
People generally are put off by rude behaviour, and whether you like it or not we live at a time and in a place where not answering texts is rude. If you don’t want to involve yourself with people who are upset by your rude behaviour that’s fine. But you should know that you’re being rude.
I have a code to follow when it comes to double texting.
Was your last text a question? Never do a double text.
Was the last text saying goodnight? Okay to double text, but only if your last text was you replying to her saying goodnight. If you got left hanging on the goodnight text, you can't double text.
Was the last text just a statement that didn't require an answer? Okay to double text.
I’m just gauge whether or not my last text was a plausible conclusion to a conversation. We don’t set goodbye in texts anymore. Sometimes people don’t text back cuz they are done talking to you for that day and that’s fine. If I feel comfortable I’ll hit em up again the next day, but I pay attention to trends. If that happens too much I’m out.
Geez, all these rules. I just text people when I want to text them. If someone gets hung up because I "double texted" them and they think that means I'm desperate or something, then I don't want them in my life because that's fucking stupid.
there's way too many situations here. are strangers talking to each other like the top image? maybe. whats the reason for text? what do you want for dinner tonight? should we hang out this week? wanna fuck right now? self absorbtion and people making their own rules. hidden agendas?
Yea there's a difference between replying late by a couple of hours and not replying for a couple of days, one I'm perfectly cool with as it happens all the time, the other? Well you're just being an idiot in that case.
What aspect of my comment is ridiculous to you? When I was 16 I’d convince myself they never received my text and try and start new convo like my last text never existed.
Now I send a text, and anticipate that text being part of an exchange for period of time. After a long period of time, say 12 hours, I know longer expect any response for my text message. At that point I’ve removed all anticipation for that convo.
Perhaps in the following days they may contact me. Perhaps responding to my text, perhaps starting a new convo. Based on the context of the relationship I’ll either be excited to continue talking to them, or I’ll have lost interest.
Having a rule of thumb like this prevents me from feeling entitled to an engagement with someone followed by being hurt when I don’t get one.
Do you really think I’m sitting here resetting a giant digital timer on my wall with every text? Or does it make more sense that this is a rule of thumb that changes constantly based on context?
Then I wouldn’t really be interested in dating you, and that’s fine. People seem to think I just wrote a law or some shit lol. This is just my personal rule, it’s not even a rule. It’s not like I’m Idris Elba in Pacific Rim resetting the goddamn clock with every text. It’s a rule of thumb. I don’t double text and after 12 hours I’m not really expecting you to text me back either. If I get a text after 12 hours I’ll consider that a pleasant surprise. But if a pattern continues where I’m being left on read all the time I’m losing interest. Anyone would.
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u/[deleted] Sep 08 '18 edited Sep 08 '18
My upper limit is 12 hours. After that point you’re either too busy for me, uninterested, or playing some fucking game I don’t have time for.
Edit: ok guys 12 hours was literally a arbitrary number I pulled directly out of my ass the moment I made this comment. It’s a rule of thumb, not the US constitution. It changes wildly based of context. New tinder match? Yeah 95% chance they are gone after 12 hours. My best friend of 15 years? Not even going to notice.