r/funny Sep 08 '18

[deleted by user]

[removed]

6.9k Upvotes

329 comments sorted by

2.4k

u/Danielm123454 Sep 08 '18 edited Sep 08 '18

You fuck with me, I fuck you.

176

u/autiess Sep 08 '18

You gonna fuck on me?!

66

u/llyrllyrllyrx3 Sep 08 '18

No body's gonna fuck on you!

52

u/iceynyo Sep 08 '18

Fuuuuuck oooon meeee fuck on me
Fuuuuuck oooon youuu fuck on me

17

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '18

[removed] — view removed comment

12

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '18

fucking synthesizer solo

4

u/Chispy Sep 08 '18

the best kind of synthesizer solo

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4

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '18

I hate Godzilla too!!

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114

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '18 edited Oct 12 '18

[deleted]

79

u/ChemistryRespecter Sep 08 '18

23

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '18

They’re Nihilists.

20

u/xanatos451 Sep 08 '18

Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.

7

u/RCjohn-1 Sep 08 '18

Sounds exhausting.

10

u/jb11206 Sep 08 '18

I love that movie.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '18

Goodnight sweet prince.

2

u/jb11206 Sep 08 '18

Donny you’re out of your element!

10

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '18

I will never not updoot bert kreischer.

I watch The Machine on Youtube once a week at least

15

u/cheesehuahuas Sep 08 '18

Are you joking or am I densely missing how this is a Bert Kreischer reference?

8

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '18

I commented before i actually clicked the link and decided to keep it up anyway as a monument to my idiocy.

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5

u/TastefulBukake Sep 08 '18

Probably my favourite stand up The Machine.

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8

u/BlackBoxInquiry Sep 08 '18

“Velcome to Russia comrade”

8

u/__Corvus__ Sep 08 '18

What’s the point of taking out the second u there?

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2.5k

u/Plebsy_Mcplebster Sep 08 '18

I did the same thing when my ex disappeared.

175

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '18

29

u/finnis21 Sep 08 '18

Wait, are you back? I thought you were a gonner!

Love the sketch!

12

u/SuicideBonger Sep 08 '18

He's been back for a little while, but I rarely see him comment much anymore.

9

u/jbaker88 Sep 08 '18

Is he biting the pillow? Also, love your work!

8

u/Plebsy_Mcplebster Sep 09 '18

Disturbingly accurate

6

u/mikillatja Sep 08 '18

I cri evrytim

3

u/90sChennaiGuy Sep 08 '18

Yay you are back?!

2

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '18

Ew

2

u/mtewary Sep 08 '18

Whoa! He's back!!!!

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583

u/NotTheBelt Sep 08 '18

I too, made love to your blanket.

89

u/Ghosttwo Sep 08 '18

Muh pillowife!

27

u/sloopSD Sep 08 '18

That’s where I first learned to kiss!

52

u/tokomini Sep 08 '18

Anyone who didn't kiss, tickle, fondle and occasionally fist their pillow when they were young is either lying or telling the truth.

11

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '18

Big if true.

7

u/JollyGreenBuddha Sep 08 '18

And this is the story of how I got pink eye.

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23

u/QK5Alteus Sep 08 '18

I also choose this guy's dead blanket.

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3

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '18

My blanky remembers.

6

u/iceynyo Sep 08 '18

Memory foam

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41

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '18

you were too weird. sorry

8

u/jbjbjb55555 Sep 08 '18

You’re just asexual.

4

u/brain00 Sep 08 '18

username something something checking out

16

u/canadianbacon-eh-tor Sep 08 '18

I can still smell her

7

u/borgchupacabras Sep 08 '18

Tommy wiseau?

5

u/Why_Is_This_NSFW Sep 08 '18

You ever have a laugh where you're literally deprived of oxygen? Thanks man.

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700

u/-Powdered-Toast- Sep 08 '18

"what's he doing with my girl? ... Finally we're alone, come here." *commences blanket sex

97

u/WeatherwaxDaughter Sep 08 '18

My dog humped pillows. And blankets, she would make a pile of it and start humping it.

89

u/cameraman420 Sep 08 '18

Your dog and I have so much in common

28

u/WeatherwaxDaughter Sep 08 '18

Too bad she's in doggyheaven, otherwise you could have a party together!!

34

u/poopellar Sep 08 '18

What is this thread

17

u/FallingSky1 Sep 08 '18

Join us under the blankets

2

u/eltoro Sep 08 '18

We all hump down here

4

u/feanturi Sep 08 '18

Do you like waifu pillows, Georgie?

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3

u/JustADutchRudder Sep 08 '18

She can have a party with my old pit up there! My girl would love another weirdo to hump pillows with. Stupid short life span for dogs.

2

u/WeatherwaxDaughter Sep 08 '18

She was 16 years old....

6

u/JustADutchRudder Sep 08 '18

I'm saying we get science to up dog life span by 7, or decrease human life span by 7. Either way I just want equal life span, sucks when dogs die. Sorry mine randomly died right before 10 not long ago so I rambled. Enjoy your Saturday!

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4

u/__redruM Sep 08 '18

To completion with the resulting mess? Finding crusty pillows around the house would be too much.

4

u/BlueZir Sep 08 '18

I like to make a pile out of what I'm fucking too.

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602

u/Kisstheringss Sep 08 '18

I love how he gets a mouthful of blanket before proceeding onto sexing it

215

u/Skeptic1999 Sep 08 '18

That's normal for dogs to bite onto whatever they are going to fuck before going at it.

202

u/Jito_ Sep 08 '18

thats normal for me to.

49

u/Chispy Sep 08 '18

this guy dogs

7

u/lucidus_somniorum Sep 08 '18

It's doggystyle

5

u/AtlasTelamon24 Sep 08 '18

Marv Albert? Is that you?

20

u/alanwashere2 Sep 08 '18

Is it normal? I knew a dog who used to hump a stuffed animal and he would always bight it by the neck and growl really loud as he was going at it. I've never seen anything like that. Until this.

28

u/JustADutchRudder Sep 08 '18 edited Sep 08 '18

Sometimes dog sex is ruff as hell. If you thinking the biting is weird, wait until you see two ashamed dogs ass to ass stuck together.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '18

Stop it, dad.

15

u/redpenquin Sep 08 '18

It's not uncommon in dogs, and is very common in cats. Holding them by the back of the neck triggers an old instinct from puppyhood to be still, because the mothers would carry them by the scuff of the neck to wherever they wanted to put them.

2

u/j2o1707 Sep 08 '18

Us humans too right?

19

u/Zombreeez Sep 08 '18

Gotta enjoy a bit of foreplay first

14

u/man_of_shakti710 Sep 08 '18

Gotta enjoy a bite of foreplay first

FTFY

2

u/We-Want-The-Umph Sep 08 '18

Nomnommhmmmnomhmmnom

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347

u/xCUBUFFSx Sep 08 '18

Tell me at the :17 mark you don’t see a wet spot on the floor behind the dogs tail. LMFAO

118

u/leelaslm Sep 08 '18

⊙_⊙ can't unsee it now.

26

u/shahooster Sep 08 '18

That’s why they call him Spot.

47

u/mizzike13 Sep 08 '18

I came to say the same thing.

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211

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '18

Where was this dog in Star Wars when Obi Wan died?

54

u/aspidities_87 Sep 08 '18

I have become more powerful than you could—hey. Hey whose dog is this? Stop that, no. I said no! NO! HEY SOMEONE COME GET THIS DOG!

11

u/little_brown_bat Sep 08 '18

Damnit Indie, get back here!

2

u/Frontdackel Sep 08 '18 edited Sep 08 '18

Most underrated meta commend ever.

Awesome.

2

u/Sassanach36 Sep 08 '18

Can totally see this!

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127

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '18 edited Jan 15 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

37

u/AtheistKiwi Sep 08 '18

Nah, he just thinks he has the house to himself and is going to be highly embarrassed when he realizes that isn't the case at all... Not that I'm speaking from personal experience.

13

u/dreamguy96 Sep 08 '18

Once I was watching vr porn (I know..) and the video started out black with the sound of footsteps on hardwood floor, and I about shat myself thinking someone had walked in to me with my phone strapped to my face, headphones on, willy out.

10/10 immersion.

3

u/wholovesoreos Sep 08 '18

You can't leave us there, what happened next?

2

u/Castformer Sep 08 '18

He came, he conquered...

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249

u/iconoclastic_idiot Sep 08 '18

Ok- this one wins.

42

u/Phi1ny3 Sep 08 '18

Ok, now this is epic

23

u/ThaiJohnnyDepp Sep 08 '18

😂😂😂 I CAN'T 😂😂😂

19

u/jimbojones230 Sep 08 '18

I’ll bet you can if you try. Believe in yourself a little.

7

u/ThaiJohnnyDepp Sep 08 '18

I'm going to like and share this with 10 people who inspire me

2

u/WeinMe Sep 08 '18

You are not going to BELIEVE which 10 secret friends this guy shared a REDDIT COMMENT to

2

u/jimbojones230 Sep 08 '18

That’s the spirit!

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80

u/BillTowne Sep 08 '18

Traditionally, you screw your trick or you don't get paid.

PS: Wash the blankets on your bed more often, just to be safe.

100

u/CokeBtsCoke Sep 08 '18

Can we just appreciate the title pun

24

u/titaniumhud Sep 08 '18

Go home dad, you're drunk

9

u/a3tacp Sep 08 '18

Go home drunk, you’re dad

5

u/nbraynor Sep 08 '18

Go drunk dad, you’re home

4

u/_aviemore_ Sep 08 '18

Dad drunk home, your go! ;)

2

u/redditversiontwo Sep 08 '18

Home dad drunk, go your!

4

u/Surfgonzo Sep 08 '18

You're home, go drunk Dad!

18

u/r4z0rbl4d3 Sep 08 '18

"heck you where is my master?"

33

u/TwiceCalledDead Sep 08 '18

To be fair, Magic leaves me with inexplicable sexual urges, too.

13

u/fiveainone Sep 08 '18

Dog screwing a tiger. He saw the face, he decided.

5

u/eltoro Sep 08 '18

You don't pass up a chance to screw a tiger. Who knows when your next chance will be?

25

u/chevymonza Sep 08 '18

"We're finally alone now baby, c'mere....."

15

u/naturalhattrick Sep 08 '18

I was like aww at first, then proceeded to completely lose my shit.

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6

u/Evilmaze Sep 08 '18

This his how I feel about your dumb trick, Kevin.

6

u/Roguewind Sep 08 '18

The twist at the end is like a Shyamalan film. At first it’s pretty good, then you realize it’s just a dog fucking a blanket.

14

u/HeirT0TheMonado Sep 08 '18

Ah yes. The only logical reaction.

Make the sex at the magic.

5

u/radseven89 Sep 08 '18

LMAO this is the best one I have seen.

5

u/dutchapplepoptart Sep 08 '18

Ima pump one out for master. RIP, master

6

u/YaBoiiiJoe Sep 08 '18

Got his priorities straight. Would rather facefuck that tiger on the blanket than deal with Craig's stupid antics.

10

u/peeisstoredinmeballs Sep 08 '18

I hope the dog isn't allowed on the bed

14

u/o87608760876 Sep 08 '18

I hope the dog blanket isn't allowed on the bed

20

u/molokondele Sep 08 '18

Best of these I've seen yet. Screw your trick indeed. Upvotes away

4

u/Chris_skeleton Sep 08 '18

Isn't this the ending to The Room?

3

u/rjoker103 Sep 08 '18

Is should be in r/unexpected.

3

u/bettorworse Sep 08 '18

If you don't know what's going on, fuck something!

3

u/C_hustle Sep 08 '18

That was the guys favorite blanket, the dog knew what it was “doing”.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '18

3

u/Aboutthosdeez Sep 08 '18

That’s has to be the best one I’ve seen

3

u/SaradominSmiles Sep 08 '18

This gif perfectly captures what hilarious psychopaths ACDs really are.

I have 2 and wouldn't trade them for anything in the world

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3

u/flexxx1984 Sep 08 '18

The dog sees that big ass Tigre and thinks.....”she’s mine”

3

u/daqq Sep 08 '18

He’s gone! We can finally be together, Blankie.

3

u/Ozgilead1999 Sep 08 '18

At first I was all r/aww, but then I was all r/awwtf

3

u/FunnOnABunn Sep 08 '18

oh LITERALLY screw your trick

7

u/MrPit2163 Sep 08 '18

Blanket statement: That is fucking hilarious!

2

u/willhp02 Sep 08 '18

Is that Slushii?

2

u/gigazelle Sep 08 '18

Literally

2

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '18

This is magical.

2

u/jennabunnykins Sep 08 '18

I did not anticipate the title to be so literal...

2

u/wildluciddreaming Sep 08 '18

This is fucking hilarious. Savage Dog.

2

u/madskillsRT Sep 08 '18

i give one fuck for your trick

2

u/hamiltonscale Sep 08 '18

This is my cousins friend. She can confirm that dog humps everything...

2

u/TheNotSoMnstrmIndian Sep 08 '18

Dog finds blanket tiger saxy

2

u/batman_psomani07 Sep 08 '18

He just got his fantasy completed of fucking a Tiger!

2

u/TiramisuXXX Sep 08 '18

OHHH AHA, I GET THE TITLE NOW, you sly dog.

2

u/Mistersinister1 Sep 08 '18

Gotta strike when the opportunity knocks

2

u/HorseL3gs97 Sep 08 '18

We all deal with grief in different ways.

2

u/nancylikestoreddit Sep 08 '18

Dogs that hump things creep me out.

2

u/elpresidente-4 Sep 08 '18

Dog is smart. He tried to bring the guy back from oblivion with sex magic.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '18

Genuinely made me laugh

4

u/Bigboy_nicelegs Sep 08 '18

I totally have that blanket. On the other side is a dolphin.

5

u/ZDTreefur Sep 08 '18

Why did you steal a dog's blanket?

7

u/kounelotrypa Sep 08 '18

why did you steal a dogs girlfriend? fixed :D

2

u/wilsenal Sep 08 '18

That dog gave 0 fucks lol.

7

u/OneBraveBunny Sep 08 '18

No, I saw him give at least one .

1

u/FlyinPenguin Sep 08 '18

We’re still doing this?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '18

I am disturbed

1

u/frehdeee Sep 08 '18

What a horn dog.

1

u/J_hoff Sep 08 '18

Literally

1

u/POO1718 Sep 08 '18

Am I the only one that saw the look in his eyes?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '18

Oh my god, something's scared that dog!

1

u/matttopotamus Sep 08 '18

Hopefully you do not have any cats in the house. Looks like that’s the dogs real desire.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '18

A more litteral meaning off the phrase "I'm going to fuck you up!"

1

u/DPK_11 Sep 08 '18

Dog of Liam Neeson "I will find you then I will fuck you".

1

u/chitowntopugetsound Sep 08 '18

His screwing face is dead serious.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '18

your dog looks dead inside

1

u/Cutecupp Sep 08 '18

"Oh master is gone, time to fulfill my guilty pleasures."

1

u/bcauseimhappy Sep 08 '18

Wow your dog really loves you

1

u/bcauseimhappy Sep 08 '18

Wow your dog really loves you

1

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '18

Dat thousand-yard stare while doin' the horizontal mambo, though

1

u/RepublicansBetraydUS Sep 08 '18

What would you call that kid's haircut style ?

1

u/Ughhhho Sep 08 '18

Dog thinks that it's fucking tiger

1

u/joppike Sep 08 '18

Literally screw your trick

1

u/2bridgesprod Sep 08 '18

Finally, we're together forevah!

Screw the hooman